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1
00:00:01,569 --> 00:00:03,371
ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s,
the biggest night
for any bride,
2
00:00:03,437 --> 00:00:05,939
besides the wedding,
was the bachelorette party.
3
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,708
Lashes were curled,
hair was crimped,
4
00:00:07,775 --> 00:00:09,377
sashes were sashed...
5
00:00:09,443 --> 00:00:12,313
All to make it a night
that the bride-to-be
would never forget.
6
00:00:12,380 --> 00:00:14,682
Guys, it's so sweet you went
to all this trouble for me.
7
00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:16,250
Really? 'Cause you said
if we didn't,
8
00:00:16,317 --> 00:00:17,751
you'd "never forgive us."
9
00:00:17,818 --> 00:00:20,221
And then you said, "If you're
going to go to the trouble,
10
00:00:20,288 --> 00:00:22,556
do everything I say."
Still, so sweet.
11
00:00:22,623 --> 00:00:23,991
We totally went all-out.
12
00:00:24,058 --> 00:00:28,129
I even packed us a naughty bag
of bachelorette nastiness.
13
00:00:28,196 --> 00:00:29,263
Check it out,
girlfriend.
14
00:00:29,330 --> 00:00:31,065
Oh, n-n-n-never!
15
00:00:31,132 --> 00:00:32,700
Bar, you need to chill.
16
00:00:32,766 --> 00:00:34,902
All we're doing
is going for a little fondue
17
00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:36,003
and a lot of karaoke.
18
00:00:36,070 --> 00:00:38,439
Where there's music,
there's dancing.
19
00:00:38,506 --> 00:00:40,974
Will there be dancing
in a group setting?
Someone tell me.
20
00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:42,076
What's happening?
21
00:00:42,143 --> 00:00:45,113
As bridesmaids,
you are legally obligated
22
00:00:45,179 --> 00:00:48,282
to form
a protective dance wall
around the bride-to-be.
23
00:00:48,349 --> 00:00:50,451
I thought our job was to,
like, catch the bouquet
24
00:00:50,518 --> 00:00:51,852
and hook up with
a random hot cousin.
25
00:00:51,919 --> 00:00:55,123
Wrong! Now, everyone fall into
anti-grinding formation.
26
00:00:55,189 --> 00:00:56,324
Let's practice.
27
00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:59,660
Hey, I'm a local townie
looking for a good grind.
28
00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:02,630
Uh-oh. They're playing
"Safety Dance."
29
00:01:02,696 --> 00:01:04,098
But this is not safe.
30
00:01:04,165 --> 00:01:05,433
Honestly,
it's going to be fine.
31
00:01:05,499 --> 00:01:07,201
Then you leave me
no choice.
32
00:01:07,268 --> 00:01:08,969
Attention!
33
00:01:09,036 --> 00:01:11,939
I shall throw my own
wild bachelor party.
34
00:01:12,005 --> 00:01:13,507
Cool.
Really?
35
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:14,742
I trust you.
Well, you shouldn't.2
36
00:01:14,808 --> 00:01:17,010
You should. You're never
gonna do better anyway.
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00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:19,613
Agreed.
Time to go tell
my best man
38
00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:22,015
to plan a gnarly
bachelor party
39
00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:23,351
and also
pick my best man.
40
00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:25,386
**
41
00:01:25,453 --> 00:01:27,788
Adam, it's recently
come to my attention
42
00:01:27,855 --> 00:01:29,957
that I need a best man,
and I've made my choice.
43
00:01:30,023 --> 00:01:31,225
Naked Rob, right?
44
00:01:31,292 --> 00:01:32,793
He's the heart and soul
of the JTP.
45
00:01:32,860 --> 00:01:33,861
No, dummy.
46
00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:35,529
It's you,
'cause you're my brother
47
00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:37,631
and you mean
the stupid world to me.
48
00:01:37,698 --> 00:01:39,333
What?
Stop.
49
00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:41,001
Don't make this
all weird and tearful.
50
00:01:41,068 --> 00:01:44,305
I-I just can't help it.
It's just such
a wonderful moment for us.
51
00:01:44,372 --> 00:01:46,006
No! Don't you dare
feel deep emotion,
52
00:01:46,073 --> 00:01:47,308
'cause then
I'll feel it, too!
53
00:01:47,375 --> 00:01:48,376
I just...
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00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:51,011
I have a brother
who loves me so much.
55
00:01:51,078 --> 00:01:52,480
It's true.
56
00:01:52,546 --> 00:01:54,047
We gotta do
man stuff fast.
57
00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:55,149
We can battle
on my official
58
00:01:55,216 --> 00:01:57,084
"Over the Top"
arm-wrestling table.
59
00:01:57,151 --> 00:01:59,320
I'm gonna
break all the little bones
in your little bird hand.
60
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,522
Do it. Right now.
61
00:02:01,589 --> 00:02:03,991
Be Stallone.
Go over the top
and pin my arm.
62
00:02:04,057 --> 00:02:05,559
Oh, no!
63
00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:08,229
Now we're just holding
hands and staring into
each other's teary eyes.
64
00:02:08,296 --> 00:02:10,498
Your fingers are
so gently entangled in mine.
65
00:02:10,564 --> 00:02:13,367
It's like you're
my missing puzzle piece!
66
00:02:13,434 --> 00:02:15,403
I don't know where I stop
and where you begin!
67
00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:16,870
No!
68
00:02:16,937 --> 00:02:19,740
If you cry tears of love,
then I'll cry tears of love.
69
00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:22,243
Oh, no! I hear crying.
I've got my first-aid kit.
70
00:02:22,310 --> 00:02:23,344
What's wrong?
71
00:02:23,411 --> 00:02:25,546
Barry asked me
to be his best man!
72
00:02:25,613 --> 00:02:26,847
Oh, sweet God, no.
73
00:02:26,914 --> 00:02:28,382
I love this boy.
74
00:02:28,449 --> 00:02:30,584
I need to hug you both
as tight as I can right now.
75
00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:31,819
Hold me in your arms.
76
00:02:34,622 --> 00:02:36,156
* I'm twisted up inside
77
00:02:36,224 --> 00:02:39,893
* But nonetheless,
I feel the need to say
78
00:02:42,230 --> 00:02:43,697
* I don't know the future
79
00:02:43,764 --> 00:02:47,301
* But the past keeps getting
clearer every day *
80
00:02:47,368 --> 00:02:49,203
ADULT ADAM:
It was December 5th,
1980-something,
81
00:02:49,270 --> 00:02:51,104
and my mom was
dropping us off at school
82
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:52,773
in my dad's crappy old car.
83
00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:54,308
At least, she was trying to.
84
00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:56,310
Goldbergs, you're up.
Unlock and unload.
85
00:02:56,377 --> 00:02:57,645
Mwah, mwah. Go.
86
00:02:57,711 --> 00:03:00,013
Be the amazing, delicious boys
I birthed you to be.
87
00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:01,315
Damn it!
88
00:03:01,382 --> 00:03:03,251
You know this door
doesn't open from the inside.
89
00:03:03,317 --> 00:03:04,418
You gotta get out
and open it.
90
00:03:04,485 --> 00:03:06,720
Goldberg, Goldfarb,
let's hurry it up.
91
00:03:06,787 --> 00:03:08,589
Damn it, just get out
on Adam's side.
92
00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:11,124
The door's bungee-d shut
93
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,060
'cause Dad slammed it too hard
after the Eagles lost.
94
00:03:13,126 --> 00:03:14,895
Oh, poop!
95
00:03:14,962 --> 00:03:16,196
No, you don't get out.
They get out.
96
00:03:16,264 --> 00:03:18,131
If I don't get out,
they can't get out.
97
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,868
I'm sorry. I had to take
Murray's car today.
98
00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:21,935
I don't need your backstory,
99
00:03:22,002 --> 00:03:24,204
Norman Mailer.
Just get 'em out.
100
00:03:24,272 --> 00:03:26,240
Damn it, Murray!
All right,
we got a two-minute limit.
101
00:03:26,307 --> 00:03:28,309
You're gonna have to
circle back around. Next!
102
00:03:28,376 --> 00:03:29,510
I am not getting back
103
00:03:29,577 --> 00:03:31,111
in that line.
Look at how long it is.
104
00:03:31,178 --> 00:03:32,880
It's that long
because of you!
105
00:03:32,946 --> 00:03:33,981
Mom, let us out!
106
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:35,249
Boys, just climb out
the window.
107
00:03:35,316 --> 00:03:37,217
Go, go, go!
108
00:03:37,285 --> 00:03:39,086
Oh, Schmoopie, no!
Don't go headfirst!
109
00:03:39,152 --> 00:03:40,688
I gotta see
what I'm landing on.
110
00:03:40,754 --> 00:03:42,122
I don't want to get
a gravel rash.
111
00:03:42,189 --> 00:03:43,891
All right, this circus act
is unacceptable.
112
00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:45,793
Oh, no! My glasses!
113
00:03:45,859 --> 00:03:47,461
Forget 'em.
You got four other senses.
114
00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:48,896
Wait.
My Toaster Strudel.
115
00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:50,298
I'll drop it off
later.
116
00:03:50,364 --> 00:03:52,132
It's fine. I'll just
"Dukes of Hazzard" it.
117
00:03:52,199 --> 00:03:55,269
Oh, Barry, no. Do not
"Dukes of Hazzard" the window.
118
00:03:55,336 --> 00:03:56,337
Too late!
119
00:03:57,505 --> 00:03:59,307
You need a new car.
120
00:03:59,373 --> 00:04:00,674
Ah, again with this?
121
00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:02,843
My car works just fine.
Tell her, Bill.
122
00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:04,077
This kind of feels like
123
00:04:04,144 --> 00:04:05,379
one of those
lose-lose situations
124
00:04:05,446 --> 00:04:06,647
I'd rather not
be involved in.
125
00:04:06,714 --> 00:04:08,081
Too late.
You're going with us.
126
00:04:08,148 --> 00:04:09,483
You're gonna be
a bad influence
127
00:04:09,550 --> 00:04:11,352
and goad him
into spending some money.
128
00:04:11,419 --> 00:04:13,287
How about this?
We compromise.
129
00:04:13,354 --> 00:04:16,424
I replace the door handle,
and boom! Everybody wins!
130
00:04:16,490 --> 00:04:17,825
Forget the door handle.
131
00:04:17,891 --> 00:04:19,192
You've been driving
the same car
132
00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:20,661
since our first date.
133
00:04:20,728 --> 00:04:22,363
So it's got sentimental value.
You get it.
134
00:04:22,430 --> 00:04:24,565
You're getting a new car.
135
00:04:24,632 --> 00:04:29,903
**
136
00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:31,271
Hey!
137
00:04:31,339 --> 00:04:33,140
Time to talk bachelor party,
best man.
138
00:04:33,206 --> 00:04:35,976
Last night, I taped
a movie off Cinemax
139
00:04:36,043 --> 00:04:37,110
starring Tom Hanks,
140
00:04:37,177 --> 00:04:39,112
that forever
changed my life...
141
00:04:39,179 --> 00:04:40,247
"Bachelor Party."
142
00:04:40,314 --> 00:04:42,450
My dad said that movie
was a raunchy shlockfest
143
00:04:42,516 --> 00:04:44,017
that celebrates
the lowest form of comedy.
144
00:04:44,084 --> 00:04:45,319
Your dad knows his stuff.
145
00:04:45,386 --> 00:04:48,055
It is brilliant, and I want it
to be the blueprint
146
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:49,823
for my zany bachelor party.
147
00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:51,659
What exactly do you mean
by "zany"?
148
00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:55,028
I'm talking about
a giant rager in a hotel suite
149
00:04:55,095 --> 00:04:56,530
with sketchy babes,
150
00:04:56,597 --> 00:04:58,499
unruly Japanese businessmen,
151
00:04:58,566 --> 00:05:01,168
and a beer-guzzling mule
that passes out.
152
00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:03,571
That sounds very adult.
153
00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:04,772
Exactly!
154
00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:06,707
Everyone's saying
I'm just a dumb kid
155
00:05:06,774 --> 00:05:08,208
who's stupidly
getting married.
156
00:05:08,275 --> 00:05:10,611
But this party will prove
I'm a dumb adult
157
00:05:10,678 --> 00:05:11,712
who's stupidly
getting married.
158
00:05:11,779 --> 00:05:12,880
That logic kind of tracks.
159
00:05:12,946 --> 00:05:14,348
Thank you,
David Kimberly.
160
00:05:14,415 --> 00:05:16,049
You think "Kim" is short
for "Kimberly"?
161
00:05:16,116 --> 00:05:17,184
I'm certain of it.
162
00:05:17,250 --> 00:05:18,786
Get to party planning, boys.
163
00:05:18,852 --> 00:05:21,154
No pressure, but my whole
marriage depends on it.
164
00:05:21,221 --> 00:05:22,890
Don't worry.
I will not rest
165
00:05:22,956 --> 00:05:26,494
till I throw you the bachelor
party in "Bachelor Party."
166
00:05:29,930 --> 00:05:32,366
You can't throw him
this bachelor party
in this movie, man.
167
00:05:32,433 --> 00:05:34,435
You can't do it.
I know, Dave Kim.
168
00:05:34,502 --> 00:05:37,104
There's so much bad language
and full-frontal shenanigans.
169
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,572
I know, Dave Kim!
170
00:05:38,639 --> 00:05:40,408
Why would
boyishly lovable Tom Hanks
171
00:05:40,474 --> 00:05:41,542
agree to be in this?
172
00:05:41,609 --> 00:05:43,210
He's done.
He'll never work again.
173
00:05:43,276 --> 00:05:45,112
I know, Dave Kim!
174
00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:47,180
Barry said his marriage
hinges on this!
175
00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:49,517
What are you
gonna do, bro?
176
00:05:49,583 --> 00:05:51,985
I don't know, Dave Kim.
I don't know.
177
00:05:52,052 --> 00:05:53,521
ADULT ADAM: That day,
the only thing harder
178
00:05:53,587 --> 00:05:55,255
than throwing Barry
a bachelor party
179
00:05:55,322 --> 00:05:56,990
was getting my dad
to buy a new car.
180
00:05:57,057 --> 00:05:59,627
Howdy, folks. Welcome
to Calabasas Family Auto.
181
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:02,796
Hey, I'm gonna kick things off
with a friendly ice breaker.
182
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:04,131
Are any of you guys cops?
183
00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:05,933
No?
Perfect!
184
00:06:05,999 --> 00:06:07,601
Hey, this handsome
young guy looks like
185
00:06:07,668 --> 00:06:09,437
he's looking for something
sporty, right?
186
00:06:09,503 --> 00:06:11,071
Not even a little.
Okay.
187
00:06:11,138 --> 00:06:13,140
Please don't touch me.
Sounds like a plan.
188
00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:14,608
Actually,
I dragged him here.
189
00:06:14,675 --> 00:06:15,809
He needs a new car.
190
00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:17,645
Well, I can tell
just from the look of you
191
00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:20,013
that you only settle
for the best.
Am I right?
192
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:21,148
You are not.
193
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:22,750
Save your spiel
for the other suckers.
194
00:06:22,816 --> 00:06:23,917
I'm just here
for a new handle.
195
00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:26,253
Murray, look at me
and hear the words
196
00:06:26,319 --> 00:06:28,689
of a woman who was
banned from carpool.
197
00:06:28,756 --> 00:06:30,057
You're getting a car today.
198
00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:32,125
Any car. I don't even care
what it is at this point.
199
00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:34,161
My God, Mur-man!
200
00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:35,663
You're such
a cheap bastard,
201
00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:37,831
your wife has
completely given up
202
00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:39,933
and letting you get
whatever car you like.
203
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,402
No, no. Now, let's respect
your sensible pal
204
00:06:42,470 --> 00:06:43,971
and his sensible choices.
205
00:06:44,037 --> 00:06:46,874
Allow me to show you
to our finest door handles,
206
00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:49,409
which are just past
the luxury sports cars.
207
00:06:49,477 --> 00:06:50,478
Don't let them seduce you.
208
00:06:50,544 --> 00:06:52,880
Ah, let me make this easy
on you, okay?
209
00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:54,782
No, no, no...
210
00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:56,650
Never.
211
00:06:56,717 --> 00:06:59,052
ADULT ADAM: In that moment,
my dad would ask a question
212
00:06:59,119 --> 00:07:01,021
that would change
the course of history.
213
00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:02,422
What's that?
214
00:07:02,490 --> 00:07:04,357
That, my friend,
is the "Bitter."
215
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,594
It's Austrian.
So very rare.
216
00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:09,630
Kind of looks like a Ferrari.
I really loved those as a kid.
217
00:07:09,697 --> 00:07:11,364
Come on, Murray.
For once in your life,
218
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:12,600
just treat yourself.
219
00:07:12,666 --> 00:07:13,867
And what a treat!
220
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:17,037
Hey, Mur!
Individual seat heaters!
221
00:07:17,104 --> 00:07:19,607
You know what they call that?
"The marriage saver."
222
00:07:19,673 --> 00:07:21,241
Maybe if I had
these bun toasters,
223
00:07:21,308 --> 00:07:23,511
I'd still be married.
224
00:07:23,577 --> 00:07:24,778
Who am I kidding?
225
00:07:24,845 --> 00:07:27,881
We had separate bedrooms,
only said hi in the hallway.
226
00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:29,316
But come on!
227
00:07:29,382 --> 00:07:30,984
Ah, it!
228
00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:33,153
Aw, don't let your sad pal
sell you
229
00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:35,088
on this marvel
of modern engineering
230
00:07:35,155 --> 00:07:39,159
that happens to go
from zero to 60
in only 8.1 seconds flat.
231
00:07:39,226 --> 00:07:40,360
That is fast.
232
00:07:40,427 --> 00:07:42,029
That's because
there's a V-6 engine
233
00:07:42,095 --> 00:07:43,731
and 210 horses
under the hood.
234
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:45,899
That's a lot of ponies
running wild.
235
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:48,902
I call 'em ponies, too,
and nobody ever gets that.
236
00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:50,904
I'm starting to think that
this thing is meant to be.
237
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:52,105
She is a beauty.
238
00:07:52,172 --> 00:07:54,007
So
239
00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:55,643
Do we have ourselves
a sale?
240
00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:56,810
Here's the thing.
241
00:07:56,877 --> 00:07:58,378
I'm a simple man.
242
00:07:58,445 --> 00:08:00,047
I-I don't need
fancy things.
243
00:08:00,113 --> 00:08:02,282
I just need, uh...
244
00:08:02,349 --> 00:08:04,084
A new door handle.
Fine.
245
00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:05,285
Follow me to Parts.
246
00:08:05,352 --> 00:08:06,386
So close.
247
00:08:06,453 --> 00:08:07,888
Disappointed!
248
00:08:07,955 --> 00:08:10,524
ADULT ADAM: And so, my dad's
car troubles were over.
249
00:08:10,591 --> 00:08:13,561
Little did he know, my mom
was about to switch gears.
250
00:08:13,627 --> 00:08:15,829
**
251
00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:17,097
Morning, sunshine.
252
00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:18,566
What the hell did you do?
253
00:08:18,632 --> 00:08:20,200
You may refuse
to treat yourself,
254
00:08:20,267 --> 00:08:21,769
but I can still
treat you.
255
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:23,871
Oh, you should see
the look on your face.
256
00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:24,938
Seriously...
257
00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:26,439
Hey, don't shut
the door on me.
258
00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:28,976
It's the Ferrari
of Austria, Murray!
259
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,912
Lose yourself
in luxury!
260
00:08:31,979 --> 00:08:33,981
Damn, Murray,
take the car!
261
00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:36,784
BARRY: Okay, best man.
262
00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:39,319
Take us through my epic
adult-man bachelor party.
263
00:08:39,386 --> 00:08:40,954
ALL:
Adult-man bachelor party!
264
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:42,690
Strap yourselves in, boys.
265
00:08:42,756 --> 00:08:44,958
First, we kick it off
at the Willow Grove Mall
266
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:48,796
with a fun night
of Skee-Ball and more
at Challenges Arcade.
267
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:49,997
Question.
268
00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:52,700
Does the "more" include
nudity and/or keg stands?
269
00:08:52,766 --> 00:08:54,401
ALL:
Nudity and/or keg stands!
270
00:08:54,467 --> 00:08:55,836
It does not.
271
00:08:55,903 --> 00:08:59,239
But it does include
unlimited tokens, air hockey,
272
00:08:59,306 --> 00:09:02,976
and a private party room
featuring a Cookie Puss cake.
273
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:05,746
Question.
In this said
private party room,
274
00:09:05,813 --> 00:09:07,815
will there also be
a stolen Porsche
275
00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:09,583
and/or a drunk donkey?
276
00:09:09,650 --> 00:09:11,084
ALL:
And/or drunk donkey!
277
00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:12,886
No.
But fear not,
278
00:09:12,953 --> 00:09:15,656
'cause I did book us
a mini-horse
279
00:09:15,723 --> 00:09:19,459
that we can pet and be like,
"Look! A mini-horse."
280
00:09:19,526 --> 00:09:22,562
Dude!
I asked for a crazy rager
fit for men.
281
00:09:22,630 --> 00:09:24,665
You're just throwing me
a lame kid's birthday party.
282
00:09:24,732 --> 00:09:26,634
Maybe that's 'cause
I am a kid.
283
00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:28,769
Then I hereby fire you
as best man
284
00:09:28,836 --> 00:09:30,503
and demote you
to regular man.
285
00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:32,172
No. Please don't make me
just regular.
286
00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:34,041
JTP, you're
my new best man.
287
00:09:34,107 --> 00:09:35,142
ALL: New best man!
288
00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:37,477
Adam, vacate
the presenting area.
289
00:09:37,544 --> 00:09:39,579
Let's hear it, boys.
What do you got?
290
00:09:39,647 --> 00:09:42,783
Bro, if you want
an adult-man bachelor party,
291
00:09:42,850 --> 00:09:45,318
then we are gonna
go extreme!
292
00:09:45,385 --> 00:09:47,955
I say we kick off the night
in a badass arcade
293
00:09:48,021 --> 00:09:49,757
with some high-octane
Skee-Ball!
294
00:09:49,823 --> 00:09:51,625
High-octane.
Now we're talking.
295
00:09:51,692 --> 00:09:54,127
Followed by some extreme
arcade gameplay,
296
00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:56,563
totally balls out
and wild!
297
00:09:56,630 --> 00:09:59,232
That is balls out.
You guys just get it.
298
00:09:59,299 --> 00:10:01,635
Then we kick it up to the max
with a monster mini-horse
299
00:10:01,702 --> 00:10:02,970
and a no-holds-barred cake
300
00:10:03,036 --> 00:10:04,705
made of insanely cold
ice cream!
301
00:10:04,772 --> 00:10:06,674
This is insane.
All of it.
302
00:10:06,740 --> 00:10:10,110
Dude!
They just said
the exact same stuff as me,
303
00:10:10,177 --> 00:10:12,545
only they're shouting
and using fancier adjectives.
304
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:14,347
Sorry. Nailed.
Yeah.
We're kids, too.
305
00:10:14,414 --> 00:10:15,949
Fine!
Adam's best man again.
306
00:10:16,016 --> 00:10:17,150
ANDY: No!
Damn it!
307
00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:18,518
Dude, this is an emotional
roller coaster.
308
00:10:18,585 --> 00:10:21,154
How hard is it to throw me
a gnarly bachelor party
309
00:10:21,221 --> 00:10:23,590
that proves I'm a gnarly adult
ready for marriage?
310
00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:26,526
Honestly, none of us can
throw you that kind of party.
311
00:10:26,593 --> 00:10:30,330
But lucky for you,
I know a guy
who specializes in gnarly.
312
00:10:30,397 --> 00:10:31,899
ADULT ADAM:
And that guy was none other
313
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:33,433
than our party animal uncle,
314
00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:34,902
Marvin Goldberg.
315
00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:38,338
I heard somebody's
in the market
for a gnarly bachelor party.
316
00:10:38,405 --> 00:10:41,408
Now, tell me,
on a scale from 1 to 10,
317
00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:42,743
how gnarly?
318
00:10:42,810 --> 00:10:44,077
Six?
Eight.
319
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:46,213
I heard six and eight.
That's 14.
320
00:10:46,279 --> 00:10:47,915
Out of my way, boys!
321
00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:50,918
ADULT ADAM: Turns out,
it was gonna be
a big, gnarly mistake.
322
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:53,286
ADULT ADAM: Even though my mom
treated my dad
to a new Bitter,
323
00:10:53,353 --> 00:10:55,622
it just made him
more bitter than ever.
324
00:10:55,689 --> 00:10:58,225
I mean it, Bevy.
I'm returning that damn car.
325
00:10:58,291 --> 00:11:01,294
The last thing I need
is the Ferrari of Austria.
326
00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:02,395
Sure you do.
327
00:11:02,462 --> 00:11:04,064
Those people make
a quality product.
328
00:11:04,131 --> 00:11:07,267
They gave us the boomerang
and Crocodile Dundee.
329
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:09,269
It's Austria,
not Australia.
330
00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:12,439
My God. Just...let me
handle this, okay?
331
00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:14,842
Murray, please.
Just take the Bitter
for a spin.
332
00:11:14,908 --> 00:11:17,244
Look! I got you
driving gloves.
333
00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:19,446
I don't want to wear gloves
while I drive.
334
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:20,914
What am I?
The Equalizer?
335
00:11:20,981 --> 00:11:24,284
Come on, Murray.
Sporty new gloves
for your sporty new car.
336
00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:25,385
Just drive the thing.
337
00:11:25,452 --> 00:11:26,553
Oh, I'll drive the thing.
338
00:11:26,619 --> 00:11:28,856
Right back to that
shyster's car lot.
339
00:11:28,922 --> 00:11:31,491
ADULT ADAM: At least, that was
my dad's plan...
340
00:11:31,558 --> 00:11:32,793
...until this happened.
341
00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:34,795
What?
Like the car.
What is it?
342
00:11:34,862 --> 00:11:36,764
It's a Bitter.
Never seen one.
Where's it from?
343
00:11:36,830 --> 00:11:38,331
Austria. Very rare.
344
00:11:38,398 --> 00:11:39,767
Kind of looks
like a Ferrari.
345
00:11:39,833 --> 00:11:40,868
Love those cars.
346
00:11:40,934 --> 00:11:42,202
Yeah, Ferraris are okay.
347
00:11:42,269 --> 00:11:43,470
Yeah.
348
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:45,405
Well, thanks for letting me
look at it.
349
00:11:45,472 --> 00:11:48,942
ADULT ADAM:
Yep. That first car compliment
made my dad feel pretty good.
350
00:11:49,009 --> 00:11:51,678
And by the tenth,
he was riding high.
351
00:11:51,745 --> 00:11:53,747
Hey.
What kind of car?
352
00:11:53,814 --> 00:11:54,948
Uh, it's a Bitter.
353
00:11:55,015 --> 00:11:56,516
Austrian. Very rare.
354
00:11:56,583 --> 00:11:57,650
At first, I thought
it was a...
355
00:11:57,717 --> 00:12:00,253
Oh, Ferrari. Yeah.
It gets that a lot.
356
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:04,057
Also, Austria isn't the place
with the boxing kangaroos.
357
00:12:04,124 --> 00:12:05,793
That's Australia.
358
00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:07,928
See?
I'm growing, too.
359
00:12:07,995 --> 00:12:09,930
You know, it's funny.
When I drive it,
360
00:12:09,997 --> 00:12:11,932
I feel like I'm standing out,
361
00:12:11,999 --> 00:12:13,433
but not in a bad way.
362
00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:15,268
Murray,
do you feel special?
363
00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:18,705
Yeah. I-I guess.
I-I do feel special.
364
00:12:18,772 --> 00:12:19,973
You are special,
365
00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:22,910
and for once in your life,
you deserve special things.
366
00:12:22,976 --> 00:12:25,345
Ah, screw it!
I'm a Bitter man now.
367
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:27,280
ADULT ADAM:
Yep, that crazy foreign car
368
00:12:27,347 --> 00:12:29,149
made something
even crazier happen,
369
00:12:29,216 --> 00:12:32,019
It made my dad start
to embrace feeling special...
370
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:33,887
...for about 10 seconds.
371
00:12:45,232 --> 00:12:50,103
Gentlemen, thanks for coming
to Barry's bachelor party.
372
00:12:51,571 --> 00:12:55,108
Adam, cue
the mind-blowing visuals!
373
00:12:56,743 --> 00:12:59,712
MARVIN:
Philadelphia,
known for the Liberty Bell,
374
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:00,814
South Street,
375
00:13:00,881 --> 00:13:02,916
and the world's
greatest cheesesteaks.
376
00:13:02,983 --> 00:13:06,753
But tonight, none of that
matters, not one damn bit.
377
00:13:06,820 --> 00:13:08,021
What?
378
00:13:08,088 --> 00:13:09,456
But you made me
go around the city
379
00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:10,757
taking photos
of that stuff.
380
00:13:10,824 --> 00:13:12,459
It's for dramatic effect, man.
381
00:13:12,525 --> 00:13:14,928
Which I achieved.
382
00:13:14,995 --> 00:13:19,132
Because tonight, there's only
one landmark that matters,
383
00:13:19,199 --> 00:13:21,869
Delaware County's
wildest dance club,
384
00:13:21,935 --> 00:13:23,937
Pulsations!
385
00:13:26,606 --> 00:13:29,943
We're talking
6,000-square-foot
dance floor,
386
00:13:30,010 --> 00:13:31,744
wall-to-wall babes,
387
00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,847
lasers, smoke machines,
388
00:13:33,914 --> 00:13:36,783
giant speakers that guarantee
permanent hearing loss,
389
00:13:36,850 --> 00:13:41,221
and a sentient party robot
that came to get down.
390
00:13:41,288 --> 00:13:43,190
Seriously?
They have a party robot?
391
00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:44,757
Little fun fact,
392
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:47,527
it's the same robot
they cast in "Rocky IV"
as Paulie's robo-butler.
393
00:13:47,594 --> 00:13:49,529
ALL: Ooh!
394
00:13:49,596 --> 00:13:52,632
And now, in your envelopes
you will find,
395
00:13:52,699 --> 00:13:54,801
Binaca spray,
Mexican pesos,
396
00:13:54,868 --> 00:13:57,237
anti-venom,
and fake I.D.s.
397
00:13:57,304 --> 00:14:00,908
Sweet! I'm a 65-year-old
organ donor
named Enzo Pinetti.
398
00:14:00,974 --> 00:14:02,409
GEOFF: George P. Shultz?
399
00:14:02,475 --> 00:14:04,244
Isn't he,
like, Secretary of State?
400
00:14:04,311 --> 00:14:05,812
Yeah, maybe you want
to tuck your shirt in.
401
00:14:05,879 --> 00:14:08,916
Philippe Tallahassee?
Sounds totally made up, bro.
402
00:14:08,982 --> 00:14:11,451
Not as made up as
Abner Q. Cheeseburger.
403
00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:13,386
Of German descent.
It's perfectly plausible.
404
00:14:13,453 --> 00:14:15,755
Yeah, okay. This whole night
sounds a little intense.
405
00:14:15,822 --> 00:14:17,790
Trust me, Cheeseburger.
You'll be fine.
406
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:19,993
If not, the safeword
is "apricot."
407
00:14:20,060 --> 00:14:22,129
Thanks, but no thanks.
I'm going home.
408
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:25,232
Guys, this terrifying
journey to adulthood
409
00:14:25,298 --> 00:14:27,067
is exactly what I need.
410
00:14:27,134 --> 00:14:28,936
Just like Tom Hanks
in "Bachelor Party,"
411
00:14:29,002 --> 00:14:31,071
this will finally
get me ready for marriage.
412
00:14:31,138 --> 00:14:32,839
Now we're starting
to make some good decisions.
413
00:14:32,906 --> 00:14:34,942
Okay, now let's go over
what to expect
414
00:14:35,008 --> 00:14:37,978
in the VIP room at
Pulsations!
BARRY: Yes!
415
00:14:39,812 --> 00:14:42,049
Apricot! Apricot!
Help! What? N-No!
416
00:14:44,017 --> 00:14:45,485
Yeah, this thing's
never driving again.
417
00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:47,787
Never?
Like never ever?
418
00:14:47,854 --> 00:14:49,957
Yeah. Not sure
if you know this.
419
00:14:50,023 --> 00:14:52,592
This is a Bitter.
Austrian, very rare.
420
00:14:52,659 --> 00:14:54,394
Yeah. We're aware.
421
00:14:54,461 --> 00:14:55,929
Can't you just fix it?
422
00:14:55,996 --> 00:14:57,130
Well, I mean,
here's the thing.
423
00:14:57,197 --> 00:14:58,631
If you have a car
there's only one of,
424
00:14:58,698 --> 00:15:00,133
I mean, it ain't easy
to get parts.
425
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,569
There's legitimately none
in this country.
426
00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:05,272
So,
what you're saying is,
427
00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:08,608
I splurged
on something nice
for myself,
428
00:15:08,675 --> 00:15:11,844
and the very next day,
it's broken forever?
429
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,646
Yeah, that's
exactly the case.
430
00:15:13,713 --> 00:15:14,982
Your fault!
No,
431
00:15:15,048 --> 00:15:16,984
I saw the way you were
looking at the Bitter.
432
00:15:17,050 --> 00:15:18,585
You wanted the Bitter.
433
00:15:18,651 --> 00:15:20,453
You're a Bitter man,
remember?
434
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:21,721
I am a bitter man.
435
00:15:21,788 --> 00:15:24,757
I'm bitter to have
a broken car in my driveway
436
00:15:24,824 --> 00:15:26,659
mocking me
for the rest of my life.
437
00:15:26,726 --> 00:15:28,195
Angry!
438
00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:30,197
ADULT ADAM: While my dad
was accepting his fate,
439
00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:32,532
Barry was ready
for his destiny.
440
00:16:39,932 --> 00:16:41,834
Dude!
Where are you going?
441
00:16:41,901 --> 00:16:43,370
Anywhere but here.
442
00:16:43,436 --> 00:16:45,838
But I gave you
exactly what you wanted.
443
00:16:45,905 --> 00:16:47,407
I...
444
00:16:47,474 --> 00:16:49,909
I thought
I wanted it, but...
445
00:16:49,976 --> 00:16:52,745
All it made me realize is,
I'm not ready for any of it.
446
00:16:52,812 --> 00:16:58,251
**
447
00:16:58,318 --> 00:16:59,619
ADULT ADAM:
After the Bitter had broken,
448
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:02,055
it left my dad
bitter and broken.
449
00:17:02,122 --> 00:17:03,456
Can you believe
that woman?
450
00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:04,857
"Treat yourself, Mur."
451
00:17:04,924 --> 00:17:06,959
Who says that
to a husband
452
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:09,162
Dear Lord!
This is so infuriating,
453
00:17:09,229 --> 00:17:10,997
it makes me wanna
punch a wall.
454
00:17:11,064 --> 00:17:13,533
Aw, pal, I really
appreciate the support.
455
00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:16,569
Wait, you think
I'm on your side?
Aren't you?
456
00:17:16,636 --> 00:17:19,406
No! You make me want
to punch a wall, not her!
457
00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:20,973
You're my best friend.
458
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:23,176
You're supposed to blindly
agree with anything I say.
No.
459
00:17:23,243 --> 00:17:25,245
Beverly is a saint.
460
00:17:25,312 --> 00:17:28,115
Last I heard,
my wife is somewhere
in the Southwest.
461
00:17:28,181 --> 00:17:31,118
That's not even a state.
That's just a region
of the country.
462
00:17:31,184 --> 00:17:32,785
I can't get her
on the phone.
463
00:17:32,852 --> 00:17:34,621
There's not even
an area code.
464
00:17:34,687 --> 00:17:37,324
I ate a banana for dinner
three times last week.
465
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,892
When I don't brush my teeth,
nobody cares.
466
00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:41,027
We all got stuff.
467
00:17:41,094 --> 00:17:42,262
Not you.
468
00:17:42,329 --> 00:17:44,897
Your wife cooks for you,
she appreciates you,
469
00:17:44,964 --> 00:17:46,466
she wants you to be happy.
470
00:17:46,533 --> 00:17:48,835
My wife is a ghost
in the wind.
471
00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:53,005
Sometimes I talk
to an old sock of hers
when I feel lonely.
472
00:17:54,374 --> 00:17:56,376
So, you're not gonna
side with me on this, are you?
473
00:17:56,443 --> 00:17:57,644
Hell no!
474
00:17:57,710 --> 00:17:59,679
And you're gonna
make this right for us.
475
00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:01,181
Now, if you'll excuse me,
476
00:18:01,248 --> 00:18:04,217
I'm gonna go home
and peel my dinner.
477
00:18:04,284 --> 00:18:06,786
ADULT ADAM: It finally
dawned on my dad.
478
00:18:06,853 --> 00:18:09,021
He had a wife who would do
anything to make him happy.
479
00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:11,824
As for my brother,
when it came to marriage,
480
00:18:11,891 --> 00:18:13,960
he didn't know what to feel.
(THE CARS'
JUST WHAT I NEEDED PLAYING)
481
00:18:14,026 --> 00:18:15,995
Got you some Cookie Puss,
buddy.
482
00:18:16,062 --> 00:18:17,464
Forget it.
483
00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:19,199
Party's over, dude.
484
00:18:19,266 --> 00:18:20,667
Look.
485
00:18:20,733 --> 00:18:23,403
* 'Cause when you're standing
oh so near
486
00:18:23,470 --> 00:18:25,705
You may have hated
your adult party,
487
00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:28,175
but that doesn't mean
you're not ready
to be an adult.
488
00:18:28,241 --> 00:18:29,509
Of course it does.
489
00:18:29,576 --> 00:18:32,044
I mean, look at me.
I haven't grown up at all.
490
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:35,148
Well, I may be
the least mature human
on the planet,
491
00:18:35,215 --> 00:18:36,849
but the one thing I know
492
00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:39,352
is that the way you love
and treat Lainey,
493
00:18:39,419 --> 00:18:41,087
that's as grown-up
as it gets.
494
00:18:42,088 --> 00:18:44,557
Thanks, Ad Rock.
Means a lot.
495
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:47,327
Just doing my job
as best man.
496
00:18:47,394 --> 00:18:49,662
You're more
than my best man.
497
00:18:49,729 --> 00:18:51,964
You're the best brother
a guy could ask for.
498
00:18:52,031 --> 00:18:55,168
Come on!
We agreed no feelings
or crying or hugging.
499
00:18:55,235 --> 00:18:56,736
No, seriously.
500
00:18:56,803 --> 00:19:00,607
You really did throw me
the bachelor party
of my dreams.
501
00:19:00,673 --> 00:19:02,342
Even if it was
a total nightmare.
502
00:19:02,409 --> 00:19:04,744
Well,
it doesn't have to be.
503
00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:07,414
Come on.
The bachelor party's over.
504
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,183
Didn't you learn anything
from Tom Hanks?
505
00:19:10,250 --> 00:19:12,319
The party's over
when we say it is.
506
00:19:13,786 --> 00:19:15,755
* I guess you're
just what I needed
507
00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:17,624
ADULT ADAM:
So, at the end of the day,
508
00:19:17,690 --> 00:19:20,627
Barry never got
the wild bachelor party
he thought he wanted.
509
00:19:20,693 --> 00:19:23,863
Instead, he got a night
he'd never forget.
510
00:19:23,930 --> 00:19:25,365
'Cause the truth is,
511
00:19:25,432 --> 00:19:27,400
just when you think you're
ready for the next level,
512
00:19:27,467 --> 00:19:30,937
it's okay to just
be in the moment
and have a little fun.
513
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,939
Sure, that might not
be right for everyone,
514
00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:35,275
but for my brother,
it was just what he needed.
515
00:19:35,342 --> 00:19:38,010
* I guess you're
just what I needed
Just what I needed
516
00:19:38,077 --> 00:19:40,647
Uh, I-I hope you don't mind.
I need to use the car.
517
00:19:40,713 --> 00:19:42,482
Sorry. I gotta
make the returns.
518
00:19:42,549 --> 00:19:43,850
You also,
519
00:19:45,785 --> 00:19:47,554
didn't get to go
on a picnic.
520
00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:48,888
Murray,
what are you doing?
521
00:19:48,955 --> 00:19:51,491
I'm just trying to
make things right with us.
522
00:19:51,558 --> 00:19:53,326
And Bill.
Uh, don't ask.
523
00:19:53,393 --> 00:19:55,562
But why? You were right.
It was my fault.
524
00:19:55,628 --> 00:19:57,330
I'm the one
who forced you into the car,
525
00:19:57,397 --> 00:19:58,965
thinking it would
make you happy.
526
00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:00,267
Look.
527
00:20:00,333 --> 00:20:03,870
I don't need nice things
to be happy.
528
00:20:03,936 --> 00:20:06,573
I've already got the nicest
thing in the world.
529
00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:07,640
You.
530
00:20:08,508 --> 00:20:10,343
Aw, Mur.
531
00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:13,112
ADULT ADAM:
Yeah, my mom and dad may not
have always seen eye-to-eye,
532
00:20:13,179 --> 00:20:14,647
but what really mattered
533
00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:17,149
was that they had
each other's backs.
534
00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:18,418
That's the thing
about the people
535
00:20:18,485 --> 00:20:19,986
we choose to spend
our life with.
536
00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:22,589
In the end,
they're all we need to get by.
537
00:20:22,655 --> 00:20:25,425
And, when it came to
that busted-down Bitter,
538
00:20:25,492 --> 00:20:27,894
it really did sit
in our driveway forever.
539
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:29,061
But it didn't matter,
540
00:20:29,128 --> 00:20:30,930
because every time
my dad saw it,
541
00:20:30,997 --> 00:20:33,700
he was reminded
that he already had
the greatest gift of all,
542
00:20:33,766 --> 00:20:36,068
a person
to spend his life with.
543
00:20:37,770 --> 00:20:44,611
**
544
00:20:44,677 --> 00:20:51,951
**
545
00:20:52,018 --> 00:20:54,153
Off-campus lunch
is a go, boys.
546
00:20:54,220 --> 00:20:55,622
We've got 36 minutes
547
00:20:55,688 --> 00:20:57,857
to make it
to Jim's Steaks and back.
548
00:20:57,924 --> 00:20:59,225
Let's ride.
549
00:20:59,292 --> 00:21:01,528
Wait. I thought your dad
sold his crappy old Tercel.
550
00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:03,796
He bought it back
'cause his new sports car
551
00:21:03,863 --> 00:21:05,865
was even crappier
than this crap box.
552
00:21:05,932 --> 00:21:08,134
Uh, bro,
the door won't open.
553
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:10,269
That's 'cause it's been
permanently busted.
554
00:21:10,337 --> 00:21:11,638
You just got to
Dukes of Hazzard it.
555
00:21:11,704 --> 00:21:13,172
ALL: Ooh!
556
00:21:13,239 --> 00:21:14,641
Need more of a head start.
557
00:21:16,208 --> 00:21:17,477
Took my eye off it.
558
00:21:18,745 --> 00:21:19,912
Who moved the car?
559
00:21:19,979 --> 00:21:22,849
BARRY: J... T... P!
560
00:21:22,915 --> 00:21:24,116
ALL: JTP?
561
00:21:24,183 --> 00:21:26,419
BARRY: General Lee!
ANDY: Okay.
41512
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