All language subtitles for The.Goldbergs.2013.S06E07.Bohemian.Rap.City.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb_track3_[eng]

ADULT ADAM: Back before
you could buy

everything ever
on Amazon and eBay,

you had to go to
an actual store to buy toys.

For me, the toy store
was a sacred mecca
of my lifelong passion.

Even though
I was getting older,

my toy obsession
was for life.

Devastator's on sale?

Score.

Transformers?
We just got in a new shipment
of Rock Lords.

I don't know what that is,
but I want them all.

They're GoBots
that transform...

...into rocks.

A toy rock?

That defines fun.

Take all my lunch money.
Take it right now.

Oh, you're too late.
I knew these would be
a hot commodity,

so I bought every last
Rock Lord.

Thanks a lot, suck lord.

What'd you call me?
Nothing.

Little did I know,
my trip to the toy store

was about to be overshadowed
by some major news.

Whoa!
Kiddo, what you doing?

The Berlin Wall's
coming down.

This is more important.

But there's freedom
in Europe.

ADAM: Nothing is
as historicalas this.

They're about to announce
the deadline

for this year's shopping spree
at Toys "R" Us.

Yep, back in the day,
there was a contest

where one lucky kid got
five glorious minutes
to grab whatever they wanted,

and every year,
I dreamed that kid
would be me.

It's simple.
You just send in a postcard,

and they choose
one lucky winner

to run around a toy store
and grab anything they want.

It's bigger than
that sports game

where the winner
goes to Disneyland.

You know, I entered
a sweepstakes as a kid.

Won a big can of peaches.

Well, it wasn't that big.
It was a small can.

But a good peach
is a real treat.

So you get my excitement.

Do you actually have a shot
at winning this toy thing?

I wish.

Last year, Dad only
gave me enough money
for two lousy stamps.

I'll pay you twice that
right now if you leave.

Fine. But if I win, I'm not
grabbing you anything.

Pops, what would you like?
Name it.

How about one of
those backscratchers
your father loves?

Backscratcher?
It's a toy store.

He's talking about
this thing.

That's my Hot Wheels track!

No, don't rub that
against your body.

Ah, damn it,
I can't get it.

Al, come on and reach in.

Get no man's land.
Come on.

Is this good?
Ahh.

* I'm twisted up inside

* But nonetheless
I feel the need to say

* I don't know the future

* But the past keeps getting
clearer every day *

ADULT ADAM:
It was November 7th,
1980-something,

and my sister and her band
were watching Star Search.

Long before American Idol,
this was the one big show

that turned regular people
into overnight superstars.

We got to get
on Star Search.

I mean, it'll be
the fastest way to get famous

without having to do
any work whatsoever.

Yes! That idea is
so perfect for us.

Then it's settled.
We'll win Star Search.

You know, I've been secretly
second-guessing our decision

to drop out of college
until this very moment.

Now all we need is
the perfect audition song.

You know, I wrote a song
that may just do the trick.

I Wanna Rock Your Body?

Dude, I love this title!
Let's do it.

And I love the rest
of the words.

* I saw you
cross the dance floor

* And I know what
you're looking for

* I'm feelin' a bit naughty

* I wanna rock your body *

Guys. I like what
my ears are hearing.

That's the song you wrote
about rocking my body, right?
What?

Uh...
What?

Well, I mean, the body in
the song that's being rocked
obviously belongs to someone.

Who does the body
belong to, Lainey?

Barry.
Barry?

My brother Barry?

My... My mother's son
Barry?

Barry Barry?

Yeah, this is what
you're singing about.

We are...

...never doing
that horrible song.

Look, we agreed our band's
a democracy, so we vote on it.

Raise your hand if yes
to rocking Barry's body.

No! No, you do not
get to vote.

You are not even
in our band.

But my body is.

It's part of the band's
musical legacy.

Erica, any way you swing it,
you're outvoted,

which means this is
our audition song.

From the top.

* You're a sexy hotty *

Ow!

I was forced to sing about
my brother's soft torso.

Okay, that's just wrong.
You should be singing about
my soft torso.

Stupid band democracy.
You know, for once,

I would love to sing
on my own

without needing
group permission.

Hey,
no one ever said recording
a hit record was easy.

ADULT ADAM: Oh, but it was,

thanks to the classic '80s
mall recording booth.

Whoa, what is that?

Hi, I'm John Calabasas,

and you're looking
at Willow Grove's

first Professional
Recording Booth
and Lip Sync Studio Palace.

Do you perchance dabble in
the art of vocal songestry?

Does she? She's in, like,
the best band in Jenkintown.

We're not.
I mean, we're good.

Maybe the best.
Whatever.

Look, I don't know you,
and I've never heard you sing,

but the second I heard
you mention anything

remotely connected
to music,

I knew that I was looking
at a future rock-'n'-roll
superstar.

No way. I mean,
maybe. Sure, yes.

"Sure, yes" is right,
and I insist that you come
and record a demo.

So I've slashed my usual
rate of $500 a session

to the impossibly low price
of just $19.95.

That's such
a deep discount.

This guy knows his math.

Look, I'm being financially
irresponsible over here,

but I really feel like
this lady's voice
has got to be heard.

You're so amazingly generous.
She'll do it.

ADULT ADAM:
And just like that,

Erica was cutting
her first real demo

in a mall,
and she picked
a real doozy.

* Mama, just killed a man *

Uh, I got to stop you.

So, you really can
actually really sing.

Yeah, so?

So, I'm not used
to hearing people sing
like actual singers.

Like I said,
she's in an awesome band.

They may even be
on Star Search.

Star Search the TV show?

Well, it's a possibility.

Okay, look, I'm gonna be
half-honest with you guys.

Before,
when I said you're gonna
be a rock-'n'-roll superstar,

I wanted to believe it
because I'm an optimist
with a big heart,

but now I really
do believe it.

And I want to be
your manager.

Seriously?

You just got discovered
in a mall!
This always happens!

Great! But there are two
other girls in the band.

Look, I can tell just from how
I know nothing about them

that those no-talent hacks
are holding you back.

But if you go solo,
we will for sure
conquer the music biz.

**

So, they stack one
on top of the other?

I have seen everything.

And to think,
all this time,

I've just been
storing my cereal
in the box it came in.

Pardon me, ladies.

I'm filming
a super important
battlescape,

and my camera's picking up
all your tuppery talk.

Sorry, Schmooey.
We'll do better.

C'mon, gals.

Let's take our food-storage
party into the living room.

I don't understand.
What is he doing?

What

What's with
the judgy murmuring?

Bevy, we think it's time
we had a Yenta-vention.

About what?
About Adam.

Look, we all love
his creativity

and his wild imagination
as much as you do.

It's just that...
He's an adult
who plays with dolls.

And you're an adult
who smells like
a sack of monkey .

You're lashing out.
I'm lashing out.

Bev, I know this is
hard to hear,

but you know Adam's too old
to be playing with toys,
and it's getting kind of...

Weird and sad.
Sad and weird.

How could you seriously think
that Adam's favorite lifetime
hobby is in any way weird?

It's crazy!

(IMITATING FLYING,
SHOOTING LASERS)

Damn it!

I grew out
of my laser voice.

Murray.

Everybody thinks Adam
is both sad and weird.

Sure.
You're his father.
Help him be better.

Give the kid a break.
He's only 12.
He's 16!

That can't be right.
Well, it is.

Now get off your ass
and go teach him
a real adult hobby.

What do I know from hobbies?

I don't have
any stupid hobbies.

Is that right?

Stamps, Murray.
You love stamps.

That is your hobby.

Hobbies are dumb and silly.

Stamps are a smart
financial investment.

You know,
Rock Hudson got a stamp.

Good for him, right?

Okay, I don't care
what the hell you call it.

Just show Adam
how much fun you have

stamping with your stamps.

Fine. I'll introduce Adam
to the noble world
of stamp collecting,

but once again,
not a hobby.

Stamps are serious business.

Snoopy!
Silly puppy.

Right there.

**

What the hell is this?

It's a demo she had made
at the mall.

We came here to
confront her about it.

I know that. I was just
being dramatic.
Oh.

You made a demo
without us?

No. Geoff just paid
for me to sing

at some dumb recording booth
at the mall,

but thanks for thinking
the worst of me.

Oh, man, I'm sorry.
We're insecure people.

I mean, did a talent manager
ask to rep me?

Yes. But I told him
I'm in a band
and basically not interested.

"Basically"?
So you are interested?

She's so gonna ditch us
and go solo.

Guys, I would never go solo.

I mean, did I crush
Bohemian Rhapsody?

Obviously.
And did it floor a manager
with my soulful angel voice

dripping with polished talent?
Of course.

Wait, you did
Bohemian Rhapsody?
So?

It's the greatest rock song
ever written,

and you and I both know
I am the only one

with the vocal chops
to do it justice.

You seriously think you're the
Freddie Mercury of this band?

Oh, I know
I'm the Freddie Mercury.

You are so not
the Freddie Mercury.

If anything,
I'm Freddie Mercury.

We all know a band only has
one Freddie Mercury,
which is me.

Well, if I'm not
the Freddie Mercury,

then why did my manager
sign me and not you?

You said he wasn't
your manager!

BARRY: Band splitting up?

Yeah, I knew
this would happen.

No, and go away.
You're dripping Popsicle
all over yourself.

Or am I dripping knowledge?

Fact! Lainey doesn't
need any of you

'cause she has
the best manager
of all time

who started yesterday...
Me.

You hear that?
I'm going solo, not you.

Doesn't matter
'cause I just went solo
right here in this moment.

You both can't go solo
because then I'm left alone,
and I have to go solo, too.

Don't blame me.
I only went solo because
Lainey went solo first.

Actually, it just so happens
my solo project
needs a drummer.

Done.

**

Okay, toy time's over,
moron.

This isn't toy time.

It's the
Transformers/Star Wars
crossover event

the world's been begging for.

That's gibberish
for "toy time,"
and you're too old for it.

Here's how actual normal
adult people have fun.

It's just a book of postage.

It's a collection of stamps.

Ohh, I get it.

See, you grew up
in olden times when
there were no toys.

All you had were dolls
made out of corn cobs
and a stick and a hoop.

That's why you're an angry,
broken man

who thinks stamps
are a hobby.

Learn about stamps
or you're grounded, moron.

Fine. I'll give your tiny,
lickable history squares
a stupid chance.

And if you take to them,
maybe my stamp collection

can become
our stamp collection.

I can have the stamps?

I don't see why not
as long as you give up
plastic toys and robits.

Come to think of it,
I may actually get
a lot out of these things.

ADULT ADAM: That day,
I really came to appreciate
my dad's stamps...

By using them
as actual stamps.

ADAM: Buckle up, Pops.

Your favorite grandson
is guaranteed

to win the contest
of a lifetime.

I see what this is.

You rigged the contest, huh?

I did that with the peaches.

No, I won this
fair and square.

I mailed in
over 600 entries.

Whoa! Where'd
you get the dough
for all that postage?

Dad gave me all his stamps.

Those stamps
aren't for mailing.

They're for admiring.

Chill!
I thought of everything.

See, when I win the contest,

I get thousands of dollars
in toys.

I'll just sell a few bikes
and Nintendos

and buy back
all of Dad's stamps.

That actually makes
a shred of sense.

MAN: Okay,
the big moment's here.

This year, Toys "R" Us
received a record number
two million entries!

Wha... What he say?
Oh, no.

And the winner is...

Maria Hernandez!

Oh, no.

Oh, balls, no!

You didn't win.

I know I didn't win, Pops!

You're in serious trouble.
Oh, no.

Oh, no, I really am.

Oh, no!

Oh, no!

(BREATHES HEAVILY,
WHIMPERS)

ADULT ADAM: After the Dropouts
were dropped by Erica,

they decided to audition
for Star Search without her.

* To me

Dude, Ed McMahon
is gonna spill

his giant tumbler of scotch
when he hears this.

We are so the stars
Star Search is searching for.

What the hell?

You stole my audition song?

You can't steal her song.

Last time I checked,
Queen wrote the song.
We're just covering it.

But she's right,
Queen did write it.

I'm doing the Rhapsody.
You can't have
two Rhapsodies.

That's true,
you can't have two.

Then pick another rhapsody.

Maybe you should
pick another?

There's only one rhapsody,
and it's the Bohemian one.

But it doesn't matter.
Good luck with your little
Queen cover.

I have a real manager,
and he already booked
me a gig.

No way.
What?

Managers book gigs?

Oh, yeah.
I'm playing the food court

at the Willow Grove Mall
tomorrow.

The food court? But that has,
like, tons of foot traffic.

And it's where I'm recording
my Star Search tape
in front of a live audience.

You can't do a live audition.

You'll feed off the energy
of the crowd.
You can't do this to us.

Managers book gigs?

ADULT ADAM: As Erica
went Hollywood
on her friends,

I went to the one person
who could help me.

Momma!

I have a very important
stamp-based conundrum.

Hold the Mahj, ladies.
Did you hear that?

My son is a very adult,
grown-up stamp-collector.

Wow, good for you.

Yep, stamps are my thing,

and I need to
talk about stamps
right now over here.

Uh, Murray's even sharing
his incredibly rare

and valuable stamp collection
with Adam.

He's really taken to it.

Like a stamp to a letter.
Also, private convo now.

You know, stamps aren't
even really a hobby.

They're more of
a sound financial investment.

Dad's stamps are gone!
What?

I used them on
a toy contest to get toys
'cause I want more toys.

We should go.
No, stay.
He didn't mean that.

Adam, tell my dear friends
that you're a mature
stamp gentleman.

Who cares what
these crazy bats think?
Dad's gonna kill me.

Your instincts were right.
You should go.

Hello, Willow Grove Mall,

or as it shall
henceforth be known,

Willow Groove Mall,
am I right?

Whoo!
You are right!

Thank you, lone sir.

I am John Calabasas
of John Calabasas
Talent Management

and Mall Recording Boothness.

And today we're doing a live
recording for Star Search...

Audition tape.

I love you, Rikki Gold!

You hear that?
They love you, Rikki Gold.

By the way, I am totally
diggin' that name change.

Oh, it's 'cause,
you know...

Yeah, I know.

Ladies and gentlemen
without jobs,

I give you Rikki Gold!

ADULT ADAM: With that,
Rikki Gold unleashed
the best song ever...

* Mama, just killed a man
...in the worst
way possible...

...one person singing
a four-part harmony.

* Bismillah

* No, we will
not let him go

* Let him go

* Bismillah

* Will not let him go

* Let me go

* Bismillah

* We will not let you go

* Let me go

* Will not let you go
Let him go

* Will not let you go
Never let you go-o-o-o-o

* No, no, no
N, no, no *

Uh, no.

No, no, no.

Uh, sorry, folks.

Thanks so much
for coming out.

There a problem?

You're doing great.
One little note.

I'm quitting
as your manager.

You can't quit.
I signed the contract.

This contract?

Yeah.
This has been voided.

Sorry, kid. Not everybody
can be Freddie Mercury.

Don't tell me that now.
You're the one who told me
to ditch my best friends.

Good luck with everything,

except music.

ADULT ADAM:
While Erica's solo career
was crumbling,

me and my mom were trying to
fix my dad's stamp collection.

Thanks for bailing me out
of this unforeseen accident

of not winning a nation-wide
toy contest, Mama.

Well, you owe me, Schmoo.

I spent butt-loads replacing
every one of your father's
stupid stamps.

Whoa-ho-ho.
Guess who found us

a 1972
"Preserving Wetlands"
stamp?

Oh, yes.

Let's just put
it in the binder,
and we will be...

These are not
my stamps.
BEVERLY: What?

These are most certainly
your stamps.

No, no, no,
my '39 Kitty Hawk

had a crease in
the left-hand corner.

Maybe it got un-creased
over time?

You can't un-crease
a stamp crease.

You don't know that
for sure.

I know everything
about stamps.

My first job was sorting mail
at the town post office.

Ohh, balls.

He's introducing
new personal history.

Even though that job was
long and mind-numbing,

I was happy to do it
'cause I just lost my mom.

Ohh, no!

I've re-opened a terrible
childhood wound.

The only thing that
brought me joy that year

was learning about
the colorful postage
from around the world.

Oh, no, those stamps hold
a deep emotional value!

Of course they do.

Those stamps made me happy.

I want them back.

They're gone, dude.

Okay, I can explain.

Don't explain.
It won't help.

Or will it?

See, Toys "R" Us...

Toys?
You ruined my stamps
over toys?

Let's see how you like it.

What are you doing?

Ruining Adam's toy.

That's Stretch Armstrong.
He's made
to be unbreakable.

Ahh!

Oh! Ha!

I broke the red one's head.

Nah, that just means
you won.

Say goodbye to these.

Those are Wall Crawlers.
You're just playing with them
as intended.

Bevy, I told you
this would happen.

I knew the moron would
screw up my favorite hobby.

But you said this was just
a smart investment
and not a hobby at all.

We both knew it was a hobby!

My favorite hobby
in the world.

Oh, God, are you...sad?

Enjoy your toys.

ADULT ADAM:
Erica's solo career may have
crashed and burned,

but The Dropouts were about
to be on fire.

Hey, best friends.
Huge news.

I fired my manager,
so now I'm totally avail

to get our band
back together.

So, you blew it at the mall
and came crawling back

'cause you're
a giant pile of failure?

What? No.
It... It's like they say,

the music business
is a friend business.

Stop. Yesterday, I was
at the mall flirting with

the totally hot manager
at Sunglass Kiosk.

His name is Randy.
He wears tank tops
even though it's winter.

He lives in a boat parked
in his parent's backyard.

Anyway, I saw you
bomb hard.

Oh, you saw that, huh?

Don't listen to her, Erica.

She likes a guy
named Randy.

Okay, so, question...
Would you be open

to the "crawling back
to grovel" option?

Too late. We're about
to record our audition
for Star Search.

That's right.
And we're about to make

Bohemian Rhapsody
even better.

How do you make the greatest
rock song in the world better?

It's right there
in the title...
Bohemian Rap City.

Rap City.

Wait.
You think it's Rap City?

Duh. How can they make a song
set in a rap city

and not have one single
sick rhyme or fresh beat?

Hit it!

* Mama

* I'm so, so sorry

* Just killed a man

* With the power of karate

* Put a gun
against his head

* And my foot

* Pulled my trigger
Now he's dead

* Killed him with my foot

* Mama

* You gave birth
to a ninja

* Life had just begun

* Now they're locking up
my feet

* But now I've gone
and thrown it all away

* Oh, I also hit him
with some nunchucks

* Mama, oooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
* I'm sorry that he died

* I'm sorry I committed
foot homicide

* Didn't mean
to make you cry

* Whoops!

* If I'm not back again
this time tomorrow

* Carry on, carry on
* Barry's gone
Barry's gone

* As if nothing really matters
* And you'll lose
the world's best rapper

**

* Too late

* I can't unkick his face

* My time has come

* I'm moving to outer space

* Send shivers
down my spine
* I'm also from Mars

* Body's aching
all the time

* I forgot to mention that

* Goodbye, everybody

* I'm an alien
* I've got to go

* And I got
no private parts, yo!

* Gotta leave you all behind
and face the truth

* I'll miss you, Rap City

* Mama, oooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
* And so I sail
past the moon

* Goodbye, Rap City

* Hope I see y'all soon

* Blasting off to hyperspace

* Maybe you can follow me

* That's where
I'll be starting
my own rap colony

* Chocolate milk fountains
on every street

* And big golden statues
of my murderous feet

* My name is Big Tasty
And I am no comedian

* Just god of the universe

* Also I'm Bohemian

* Mmm, mmm, mmm *
Okay, I'm gonna
stop you there.

What?

We need you back.
Really?

Well, let's be honest.
Our band needs
its Freddie Mercury.

Come on, we both know
that's you.

Honestly, I... I thought
it was you.

Actually, I realized today
that we don't need a frontman.

You know what's worse
than bombing at some mall?

Having to do it alone.

Well, you'll never be
alone again.

ADULT ADAM: Sometimes,
you don't realize
how important something is

until it's gone,
and you do whatever it takes
to find it again.

Hey.
Don't.

The stamps are gone.
It's over, okay?

Here. I got us tickets
to the Abington Stamp Expo.

I heard there's an
80th anniversary Pony Express
up for auction.

Stop. You don't have to
pretend to like my dumb
hobby just for me.

No.
I... I get it.

Stamps are more
than just a hobby.

They were a bright spot
when you were a kid.

You could say that.

Well, that's what all
my action figures are for me.

No matter how old I am,
these toys remind me of a time

when things were just easy
and fun, you know?

I do know.
I really do.

So, what do you say we make
some new bright spots
and go to your Stamp Expo?

**

Let's go get
that Pony Express.

ADULT ADAM: So often, we get
carried away thinking

we can do things better
on our own.

The fact is, life is better
when you're part of a team.

When you have people you
truly love backing you up,

everything rocks harder,
sounds better,

and shines brighter.

* Ooh-ooh

And in the end,
nothing really matters more

than keeping the band
together.

* Oh, yeah, oh, yeah *

Ten years later...
Later...

The Transformers
have been dumped

on the Junk Planet
Trashatron!

But look! Chewbacca and his
friends will save them.

**

ADAM AND REAL ADAM:
I think we should go
check it out, Hammerhead!

Yes,
that would be a good idea.

Oh, no,
the trash pile is collapsing!

Aah!

**

REAL ADAM:
Stamps are our hobby.

REAL ADAM: We have a wide,
wide selection
of very exotic stamps.

REAL MURRAY: Stop it!
Aah!