All language subtitles for The.Goldbergs.2013.S04E22.The.Day.After.the.Day.After.1080p.WEB-DL.DD5.1.H.264-ViSUM_track1_[eng]

ADULT ADAM:
When I was kid,

my mom would use
every opportunity

to squeeze, smooch,
and snuggle her schmoopies.

There was only one time
she expected us

to do it in return...
Mother's Day.

Naturally, we'd use
the opportunity

to mess with her
for a cheap laugh.

Oh, look at my
special calendar

hanging in a
high-traffic area.

How'd that get there?

That's odd.
Didn't notice.

You wanna take a peek,

see if there's
any special day in May

that you need to remember?

Nah, I got Cinco de Mayo
on lock.

I think she's talking
about French Labor Day.

No, it's
Star Wars Day!

May the 4th be
with you, right?

How could I forget!
That's right!

I gotta go shopping.
I love Star Wars Day.

So do I!
No, no.

How did I forget?
Can I give you a hint?

ADULT ADAM: Yep, nothing
brought us kids closer

than using Mother's Day
to torture Beverly Goldberg.

(GASPS) What?
You're home from
school already?

What a surprise.

I was just going through these
beautiful handwritten cards

you gave me
almost a year ago exactly.

Maybe you should come and take
a closer look at this cards,

get a sense
of what they're about

and how they make me feel?

Enough jibber-jabber.

I need a pre-dinner meal...

Maybe something
that'll lay a nice base,

like pancakes.

Screw it. I give up.

Murray, you are taking me
to that Latin place

on Saturday night,
and we are gonna cha-cha

'cause these kids
are ungrateful.

No, I am not
going to cha-cha.

Oh, you will cha-cha,
and I will be dipped.

And you won't drop me
this time.

All right, you've had
enough fun, you morons.

Go tell your mom that
you know it's Mother's Day.

Aw, but we look forward to
torturing her all year long.

It's one of our
better family traditions.

Do it!

(SIGHS) Hey, Mom?

We just realized
that Mother's Day
is this weekend.

What? I had no idea.

Oh, I can't believe
you remembered.

Oh, I just love
my children so much.

Here comes a tearful hug.

Sacrifice the nerd
and run!

(LAUGHING)
Oh, my favorite!

Tell my story!

¶ I'm twisted up inside

¶ But nonetheless
I feel the need to say

¶ I don't know the future

¶ But the past keeps getting
clearer every day ¶

ADULT ADAM:
It was May 3,
1980-something,

and my brother and his pals
were about to watch

the most famous TV movie
of the decade.

Dad, I demand
you give me the remote

and go make us nachos
as we watch your TV
without you.

Did you really think
that would work?
No.

Yes! Now we're gonna miss
the whole movie.

I got a Sony Watchman.
All we need is
nine batteries.

All we need
is nine batteries.

What are you dummies
going on about?

Tonight, they're airing
a gnarly made-for-TV movie

called The Day After,

where America's in a
nuclear war with Russia.

Ka-boom!
America!

Jason Robards, y'all!

All of the teachers at school
warned us not to see it,

so we have to watch it

to send a clear message
of "Suck it."

If I say yes,
will you shut up?

This is gonna rock!

ADULT ADAM:
But it did not rock.
Not at all.

This does not rock.
Not at all!

ADULT ADAM:
Turns out, The Day After

was a terrifying
and all-too-real depiction

of a small town just like ours
facing the fallout

after the President waged
a horrible nuclear war.

Too real.
War is bad.

So scared.
I'll never be okay.

I like that Steve Guttenberg.

He's got a lot of range.

Dad, don't you care
about what you just saw?

There could be
a mushroom cloud

outside our window
at any moment!

I say, "Bring on the cloud,"
'cause then maybe
you'll shut up

and I can get back
to watching my shows.

ADULT ADAM:
That night, the entire country
watched that movie,

and legit panic ensued.

Okay, students,
even though we
warned you all

not to watch that
terrifying TV movie,

apparently everyone
in this school did,

as well as
100 million other people.

Therefore, we are going to
have an emergency meeting

entitled "The Day After
'The Day After.'"

Of course,
the gym is booked,

so it'll be "The Day After
The Day After
'The Day After.'"

So, Wednesday.

Oh, my God.
How are you?

I had nightmares
all night.

I didn't watch
the movie.

I spent the night
organizing my
Garbage Pail Kids

into a protective binder.

Don't want you to feel
like things are going
too fast,

but this is our nest egg.

Well, after watching
that movie,

I realized we don't have
any time to waste.

We should have
our first kiss,

right here, right now.

We talking cheek or lips?

Uh...

Thank you.

I'm a big fan,
big fan of you.

Listen, my parents
are renting a house

at the shore this weekend.

Come with me.

We'll spend each moment
like it's our last.

What is the deal
with this movie?

My mom said
I could bring someone,

Well, okay, then!
so I choose you.

The Day After is
the best movie ever!
(CHUCKLES)

Oh, my God, she just
invited you down the shore!

I know, Dave Kim.

But your mom
will never say yes.
I know, Dave Kim!

You gotta
think of something.
I know, Dave Kim.

ADULT ADAM: Lucky for me,
the timing was perfect.

(BETTE MIDLER'S
WIND BENEATH MY WINGS PLAYS)
It was Mother's Day.

I'd strike hard and fast
with a schmaltzy gift

featuring the vocal power
of Bette Midler.

It would make my mom
say yes to anything.

¶ I can fly higher
than an eagle

¶ 'Cause you are the wind
beneath my wings ¶

ADULT ADAM:
Unfortunately, my sister
had the exact same plan.

This is pandering garbage!
You can't do this.

Why not?

Because I'm working
on my own pandering garbage

so that Mom will
let me go to college
5,000 miles away.

Emory is in Georgia.

That's why I need to ask her
on Mother's Day,

when she's all buttered up
and distracted.

But we can't both
lower Mom's defenses

with an insincere, theatrical
show of our love.

Well, you're just
gonna have to back down.

Your dumb thing is
way less important
than college.

But when will
I have the chance

to rub cocoa butter
on my lady's shoulders again?

Honestly, I can't imagine
you ever will.

But still,
this is my whole future.

Okay, fine.
I'll back down.

But only 'cause
you're my sister

and I love you,
so I'll let you have this one.

And you lose, sucker!

Adam, stop!
You stop!

Stop!

Okay, everyone,

welcome to "The Day After"
emergency assembly.

First of all,
I just want to assure you

that everything
is gonna be okay.

It will not be okay!

There's nowhere to hide
in a nuclear winter!
Whoa. (CHUCKLES)

What Coach means is
that there could be
a nuclear winter,

but it definitely
won't happen.

Till it does.
Does not, because
it was just a movie.

That will, for sure,
come true.

Look, I know
a lot of you are scared

that the President is gonna
snap, push a button,

and incinerate us all,

but I assure you,
it will not happen.

When it does,
I'll be safe and snug

in my fallout shelter

while the rest of you mutants
scrounge for cockroaches.

What, you got no argument
for that one?

No, you're right.

That movie has shaken me
to my core.

I have so many regrets.

You got about a week
to fix 'em, Andre.

Well, let's start
with that one right there.

My name is not Andre.

I only said it was
in college

to make myself seem
more interesting
to the ladies.

Let it out!
My name is Jonathan!

And I love you,
Lunch Lady Bernice!

Are you out there?

MR. GLASCOTT: You're probably
mashing potatoes.

Oh, boy.

Okay,
this day is a wash.

Everybody go home
and hug your loved ones.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

I know I should be happy
to have the day off,

but I'm, like,
genuinely terrified.

Me too.
I feel so helpless.

LAINEY: I never even got
to party in Daytona.

ADULT ADAM:
While Barry was desperate
to survive nuclear war,

I was using Mother's Day
as a weapon

to get what I wanted.

Oh! (SOBBING)

Did you like my movie,
Mama?

I loved it so much,
I wanna crush
your little face!

Apropos of nothing,

can I ask you
a totally random question?

Anything, sweetie.

Well, I have
a really big favor to...

ERICA: (LAUGHING) Mom!

I got into Emory,
and I wanna go to Emory,

so I need a check for Emory
so I can go to Emory.

And Happy Mother's Day.
I love you, snuggle, snuggle!

Aah! Oh, yes!

My baby's going to college!

What? No!
No, no, no, no.

Adam, be happy
for your sister.

This is a huge day.
No, no, no, no, no!

Don't make it about me.
It's your day, Mommy.

No! No, no, no, no, no, no!

Emory may be
a thousand miles away,

but with the love
of my children
and 20 flights a year,

we will manage.

(LAUGHS)

I'm gonna get
my pilot's license.

Boop!
(LAUGHS)

Um, Mama, know what else
is exciting?

Jackie invited me
down the shore next weekend.

Oh, no, no.

Your sister is going
away to college.

That's enough excitement
for one Mother's Day.

But I made up
a whole tap routine

celebrating my love for you
on this special day.

Yeah!

You love your little
baby boopie tapping
his piggy wiggies.

¶ Adappa-dappa-doo

¶ Adappa dappa da dappa ¶

(LAUGHS)
Thank you, Mama.

(CHUCKLING) Oh, yeah.

Happy Mother's Day.

You will pay dearly for this.

¶ Emory, Emory ¶

(CHUCKLES)

ADULT ADAM:
While everyone was afraid

our president
would lead us to war,

my big bro would lead
his loved ones to safety.

Fellow members of the JTP...
ALL: JTP!

...and the love
of my life, Lainey...
ALL: Lainey!

Don't do that.
ALL: Sorry!

...I know you're all worried
about a nuclear apocalypse

after seeing
that scary movie on TV,

but I want you to know
everything will be okay.

I call it Barry's Bunker.

Sadly, there's limited room
in the bunker,

so some of you
will be left outside to melt

or be eaten
by post-apocalyptic zombies.

So, who goes and who stays?

Obviously, you're in,
'cause you're my foxy lady,

but the rest of you
much prove your worth.

Geoff Schwartz,
what skills do you have?

I know which berries
are poisonous,

'cause I once ate
some bad ones.

Super useful.
Next, Naked Rob.

What skills do you have?
And don't say "being naked."

Come back to me.

Andy, clearly you're in,
'cause you have
tiny little fingers

that are perfect
for shelling nuts.

Plus, you can sleep
in a drawer.

Very insulted, but
it's more important to live.

Matt Bradley,
looks like you're in
serious trouble here.

I was an Eagle Scout
and a lifeguard,

and I learned
how to frame a house

when I did
Habitat for Humanity.

Fine, I guess
you could cook or something.

Well!
I'm glad you're all here,

'cause I have something
very important to tell you.

Get out!
Don't worry, guys.

We won't have to deal
with this joker

when we're in our
titanium-reinforced bunker.

You do know I raised myself
since I was six,

so if there's
an end-of-the-world situation,

you'd want me there
real bad.

Yelling at a sandwich for
having too much mustard on it

is not a skill.

Well, I can repair a radio,

rebuild an engine,
swing a hammer,

catch a fish, start a fire
with small sticks.

What can you do?

I can basically do anything.
I can break-dance,

kick a light switch
on and off,

use a hockey stick
as an old-timey cane.

Sweetie, those aren't
really survival skills

as much as they are adorable
things I love about you.

Whatever.
I'm your leader.

That's my skill.

It kind of seems like
your dad's our leader,

'cause he's
the oldest and wisest

and actually knows
how to survive.

It's settled.
Your dad will keep us safe

when the mutant zombies
attack.

Okay.
Fine!

I don't need you
or food or water.

I can sustain my life
on my own awesomeness.

ADULT ADAM:
As Barry stormed off
in a fury,

I'd strike back at Erica
for stealing my thunder.

Armed with my high-tech
VHS editing gear,

I'd manipulate my mom

with an even-more-epic
Mother's Day video.

Whatcha up to,
schmoopa-lumpa?

Oh, I'm just finishing up
a little goodbye video
for Erica.

Aww.

It's a little early
for goodbyes,

wouldn't you say?
Well, before you know it,

she'll be gone to college and
only coming home on holidays.

I guess that's true.
And then, junior year,

she'll fall for
a handsome Southern fella

and get married,

and then she'll see
his family for the holidays.

But then
I won't see her at all.

Well, she'll
come home occasionally

until she has kids

and then travel gets
too hard with the twins.

Well, the twins
are as much mine
as they are hers.

She's gotta visit!
She has no time.

The twins are in school,

and Erica got a job
working the front office there

and it's way too consuming.

Anyhow, let's
watch that movie.

(BETTE MIDLER'S
WIND BENEATH MY WINGS PLAYS)

ADULT ADAM:
Lucky for me,
I was able to use

the cheesiest effects
the 80's had to offer.

Stop it! I'm trying to eat
my Count Chocula!
(TWINKLE)

And I showed my mom
a world without Erica.

What did I tell you?
Stop filming me...

(TWINKLE)
¶ You're everything
I would like to be ¶

I'm taking a Spanish quiz!
I will kill you!

(TWINKLE)

¶ I can fly higher
than an eagle ¶

Okay, I don't know what this
is, but you better stop...

(TWINKLE)

I can't wait
to leave this house
and never come back!

Get out!
(TWINKLE)

¶ For you are the wind
beneath my wings ¶

(CLICK)
(CRYING) Oh, my God!
What have I done?

(SNIFFLES)
I told my baby girl

she could move away
from the family,

and now I'll never
see her or the twins

because of that damn desk job
at the school.

Are you just giving up?

That's not
the Beverly Goldberg I know.

Oh, my God, you're so right.

I gotta get back that envelope
she put in the mail!

Also, can I go to the beach
with Jackie this weekend?

Yes, fine, do whatever!
I gotta get my baby back!

(VACUUM CLEANER WHIRRING)

Poo! Who designed
these things?

They're impossible
to get into.

Uh, ma'am?
Can I help you?

Yes. I accidentally
dropped something in here,

and I desperately need
to get it back.

(LAUGHING) Oh, yeah.
Was it your keys?

You'd be surprised
how many people...

Actually, it's that letter
right there
from Erica Goldberg.

She's my little baby girl.
(CHUCKLES)

Do you have any I.D.?
We can't just give out mail.

It's a federal offense
and all.

Obviously, I knew that,

which is why
I'm just gonna... Bloop!

Hey! I know
where you live!

I don't give a (BLEEP)

ADULT ADAM:
As my mom was running away
from a felony,

Barry ran to
the smartest man he knew.

Pops!
We need to talk.

As you can see,
I've been hard at work
on the chalkboard.

Okay, why are people

always dragging chalkboards
around this house?

Doesn't matter!

There has been
a great betrayal, and
I find myself bunkerless.

Just get to the chalkboard.

I've created a list
of my greatest assets.

Do you think
they'll help me survive

when this world turns into
a radiated, barren wasteland?

Is this about that terrifying
Day After movie?

Woof, that gave me
the willies.

No!
You're supposed to be

my wise and reassuring
grandfather

that tells me
everything's gonna be okay.

I'd like to, Bar,
but look at this list.

You don't have
a single useful skill,

and I'm old!

We'll be the first to go
when the end comes.

That's not comforting.
Tell me about it.

What are we gonna do?

I got kicked out of
dad's pretend bunker,

which I pretended first.
That's it.

We'll build our own bunker
in the basement.

Dad will never allow that.

Then, you just gotta
convince him.

To the chalkboard!
To the chalkboard!

Oh, it's here.
There it is.

Emory is gonna be
so awesome.

Check out the brochure.

They have an incredible
music program,

and a brand-new
recording studio
that's open to undergrads.

Or, funner idea,
you stick around here

and attend the local
junior college/welding
academy.

(LAUGHING) Oh!
Aww, that's sweet.
You're gonna miss me.

But too bad
the check's in the mail

and that ship has sailed.

Here's the thing
about that ship.

What is my college deposit
doing back in this house?

It's a funny story, really.

There is zero chance

that this story will amuse
and delight me... zero!

Well (CHUCKLES)
it was in the mail.

but I thought (CLICKS TONGUE)
"I don't want it in the mail."

So I took it
out of the mail.

Why? Why?

Why? Why?

A certain unnamed schmoopie
showed me a video

and made me realize
that going to Georgia

is a bad decision for us.

Me.
But wait.

I wrote a Mother's Day song
that celebrates
my love for you.

Just, please, listen. Um...
(PIANO PLAYS)

¶ For she's
a jolly good mother

¶ For she's
a jolly good mother

¶ For she's
a jolly good mother

¶ Please let me
go to college far away
No.

¶ That no mother can... ¶
Denied.

(STRIKES COUNTER)
Damn it!

Bust out that zinc,
'cause your man

is going to the shore
with you next weekend.

That's amazing!

You ruined my life!

Erica, how are things,
dear sister?

What's going on?
Well, your little beach bud
made it

so that I can't go
to the college of my dreams

just so he can suck face
with you in the sand.

Her words!

But I wouldn't be
opposed to it.

I hope it was worth it,
because you just
lost a sister.

My Teddy Grahams!
Uh, what was that?

They're little
graham-cracker cookies

shaped like teddy bears.

No, I know what Teddy Grahams
are, Adam.

I meant with your sister.

I kinda made a video
that ruined college for her

so we could hit the beach.

Anyway, does it get cold
at night?

Should I bring a jacket?
Um, that's horrible.

Yeah, it doesn't sound
that great

when I hear it out loud.

Maybe a windbreaker,
'cause the ocean breeze.

I actually think it's best
that I do my own thing
for a while.

(¶¶¶)

ADULT ADAM:
After his talk with Pops,

Barry was determined
to brilliantly trick my dad
into building a bunker.

Hey! What the hell?
Sorry, had a hard day.

Thought I'd catch up
on some world events

by listening to the radio.

BARRY: (MIMICS BEEPING)
This is not a test

of the Emergency Broadcast
System.

Oh, no, this is real
and completely serious,

'cause the newscaster
said so!

We have confirmation
from President Reagan

that Russia has launched
a bunch of nukes
at Jenkintown,

just like in
that movie we all saw.

It's happening right now
as we speak,

live, here in the '80s.

I know, Dad.
This is a very scary moment.

It's so real,
I don't know what to do.

Ha! I only made
that incredibly
authentic newscast

to scare you
into seeing the truth.

I told you you're not
building a dopey bunker
in the basement.

Thank you
for keeping an open mind.

I will also need money
for the following items.

"Seven hundred pounds
of poured concrete,
lifetime supply of potatoes,

"seven bottles of ketchup
for the potatoes..."

There's one in the fridge.
Just take that and go.

There's more.
We need, "A chicken,

"a cage for the chicken,
medicine for the chicken,

"a chicken exercise-wheel,

"a lady chicken to keep
the other chicken company."

Please stop asking me to build
a life for this chicken!

Did he say yes
to the bunker?
I said no!

Did you tell him
about the chicken?

I don't wanna hear
about the chicken!

The chicken's
the whole thing!

He doesn't care
about the chicken!

Murray, just buy the boy
a chicken.

No chicken!
It's just a movie, Barry.

Look me in the eye
and tell me for sure...

for absolute sure...
that this will never happen.

(¶¶¶)

That's what I thought.

ADULT ADAM:
With that, my dad realized

how truly terrified
Barry felt.

Meanwhile, I figured it was
time to make things right.

Come on, Mom,
right this way.

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

Wait, there's no cuddle fort
down here.

Yeah, I lied.
Erica, he's here!

So, where's
this cute mailman?

Hey!
I lied about that, too.

We all need to sit down
and talk.

If this is another
adorable video to con me,

it's not gonna work.

Actually, this one's
for both of you.

(BETTE MIDLER'S
WIND BENEATH MY WINGS PLAYS)

ADULT ADAM: Turns out,
that third and final
Mother's Day gift

would end up being
the most important gift

I'd ever give
in my whole life.

BEVERLY: Whoo! Good job!

Wow. Look at me,
I was so young.

Not anymore.

ADULT ADAM:
My video reminded them both

that even though the years fly
and we never stop growing,

there are some things...
Number one fan,
Erica Goldberg.

...that will never,
ever change.

¶ It must have been cold there
in my shadow ¶

You grew up so fast.

Yeah, but I'll always be
your little girl.

I know, and
I'll always be your mama,

no matter where you are,

even if it's... Georgia.

Georgia?

You mean...
It's like I say...

with the love of my children
and 50 flights a year,

we'll manage.

You said 20 flights.
We'll figure it out.

¶ You always walked
a step behind ¶

ADULT ADAM:
In the end, my mom got
her perfect Mother's Day.

Not because
she held us close,

but because
she learned to let go.

As for my dad,
he finally realized

just what Barry
needed to hear.

Listen, I was thinking
about what you said.

And the truth is,
I'm scared, too.

You are?
I'm terrified!

All I wanna do
is protect my family,

and the thought that I might
not be able to do it,

that keeps me up at night.

So, what do we do?
Nothing.

You just gotta live
the life you got

and keep
the ones you love close.

¶ Did you ever know
that you're my hero? ¶

I'm still scared, Dad.

I know.

ADULT ADAM: The world can be
a scary, unpredictable place.

But if we can be there
for each other,

that's when life
can truly surprise us.

President Reagan has been left
"greatly depressed"

after watching The Day After

and has decided
to change his policy

on nuclear proliferation.

ADULT ADAM:
As crazy as it seems,

a single TV movie would
end up saving the planet.

And a little video
I made in my room...

Mama!
(LAUGHS)

...would forever change
my sister's life.

And in return,
she ended up saving mine.

Hey.

I talked to your sister,
and she said

that you aren't
a total piece of crap

and that you actually
saved her life.

That's actually
pretty high praise

coming from her,
but it doesn't
change the fact

I was a total...

¶ I want you to know
I know the truth ¶
Wow.

Uh, thanks.

My...compliments
to the chef.

Next time, maybe
just don't say anything.

Got it.

ADULT ADAM:
In the end, I never got

my beach adventure
with my girlfriend.

But it didn't matter,
'cause I helped my sister

begin the adventure
of a lifetime.

Thank you, Mommy.

Sure, none of us knew
what the future would hold,

but that's what makes
the journey so exciting.

¶ Oh, and I

¶ I can fly
higher than an eagle

(¶¶¶)

¶ You are the wind
beneath my wings ¶
(MOUTHING)

(¶¶¶)

Thought you might enjoy
some great tunes
as you prepare our dinner.

BARRY: Beep.
We interrupt dinner

for the Emergency Broadcast
System.

Oh, no! This sounds
serious and real!

We have confirmation
from the White House

that radioactive zombies
have attacked Jenkintown.

The military guys say
the only way to outrun them

is with a pair of brand-new,
expensive Air Jordan sneakers.

I don't own those!
I'll be the first to go!

What should we do?
If the world's gonna end,

I'm gonna snuggle my baby
till the zombies arrive.

Stop! I'll just
wear my Reeboks.