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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,668 --> 00:00:01,500 ADULT ADAM: Growing up in the '80s, 2 00:00:01,502 --> 00:00:04,670 some of my best memories were with my big sister, Erica. 3 00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:06,138 She was always there for me 4 00:00:06,140 --> 00:00:08,974 and entertained even my silliest of ideas. 5 00:00:08,976 --> 00:00:10,509 My big brother, on the other hand, 6 00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:13,979 was most entertained by smacking me around like a rag doll. 7 00:00:13,981 --> 00:00:15,781 Barry, put me down! Nope. 8 00:00:15,783 --> 00:00:16,515 Don't jostle him too much. 9 00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:19,685 I am not paying to have the carpet shampooed again. 10 00:00:19,687 --> 00:00:20,019 Mom, help! 11 00:00:20,021 --> 00:00:21,854 ADULT ADAM: Like most brothers, when we got together, 12 00:00:21,856 --> 00:00:24,490 we didn't always make the brightest of decisions. 13 00:00:24,492 --> 00:00:25,824 What are you two dopes doing? 14 00:00:25,826 --> 00:00:27,259 Deciding which college we should go to. 15 00:00:27,261 --> 00:00:30,996 We taped 18 hours' worth of USA Up All Night movies 16 00:00:30,998 --> 00:00:32,331 and carefully studied them all. 17 00:00:32,333 --> 00:00:33,866 Got to tell you, it's a tough choice. 18 00:00:33,868 --> 00:00:35,267 It's between Screwball Academy... 19 00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:37,236 Which is ranked first in coed pillow fighting. 20 00:00:37,238 --> 00:00:40,105 ...Or the unnamed school from Sorority House Party, 21 00:00:40,107 --> 00:00:42,408 which has a great wet t-shirt program. 22 00:00:42,410 --> 00:00:43,375 None of it's real! 23 00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:46,245 Bikini Ski School Isn't real. 24 00:00:46,247 --> 00:00:47,546 You sound like the stuffy dean 25 00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:48,947 who lost the mountain in a ski race. 26 00:00:48,949 --> 00:00:51,817 ADULT ADAM: Oddly enough, it seemed like the older we got, 27 00:00:51,819 --> 00:00:53,018 the stupider the ideas became. 28 00:00:53,020 --> 00:00:56,822 Whatcha doing? Dude, look how awesome I am at this balloon. 29 00:00:56,824 --> 00:00:57,589 Eh, I've seen better. 30 00:00:57,591 --> 00:01:01,760 Better? Let's see you handle the heat! 31 00:01:02,530 --> 00:01:05,097 Ha! I'm so much better at the balloon than you. 32 00:01:05,099 --> 00:01:07,733 Fine! First one to let it hit the ground 33 00:01:07,735 --> 00:01:09,802 gets their nurples purpled. 34 00:01:09,804 --> 00:01:10,769 Game on, loser. 35 00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:14,473 I'm coming at you with everything I've got. 36 00:01:17,278 --> 00:01:19,812 955. 956. 957. 37 00:01:19,814 --> 00:01:20,979 I love how close they are. 38 00:01:20,981 --> 00:01:24,416 Don't encourage these morons. You're aggravating me. 39 00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:26,251 Stop it. Stop hitting the balloon! 40 00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:28,353 Murray, let me put some salad on your plate. 41 00:01:28,355 --> 00:01:30,756 This is the worst dinner of my life. 42 00:01:30,758 --> 00:01:32,224 Oh! Still in play! 43 00:01:32,226 --> 00:01:34,793 Please give up. I can't feel my arms. 44 00:01:34,795 --> 00:01:35,427 Just let it hit the ground. 45 00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:38,664 You let it hit the ground. I have a Spanish test in the morning 46 00:01:38,666 --> 00:01:39,965 I'm gonna fail 'cause of you. 47 00:01:39,967 --> 00:01:41,133 Someone let it hit the ground 48 00:01:41,135 --> 00:01:43,335 and end this ferkakte game already. 49 00:01:43,337 --> 00:01:44,169 We're too far in, Pops. 50 00:01:44,171 --> 00:01:45,904 There's no going back. He's right. 51 00:01:45,906 --> 00:01:47,106 We're in too deep! 52 00:01:47,108 --> 00:01:48,307 It's just a balloon. 53 00:01:48,309 --> 00:01:50,709 Not anymore! This is our life now. 54 00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:52,811 You'll all come to accept it in due time. 55 00:01:52,813 --> 00:01:53,712 Okay, enough of this stupidity! 56 00:01:53,714 --> 00:01:57,382 ADULT ADAM: Fortunately, for every dumb idea my brother roped me into, 57 00:01:57,384 --> 00:02:00,352 there was always my sister to bail me out. 58 00:02:00,354 --> 00:02:02,588 There. It's over. It's a tie. 59 00:02:02,590 --> 00:02:03,989 Go back to your meaningless lives. 60 00:02:03,991 --> 00:02:07,359 I'm free! Thank you for saving us from ourselves. 61 00:02:09,797 --> 00:02:10,796 Let go. 62 00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:12,264 You let go first. Never. 63 00:02:12,266 --> 00:02:14,099 (BOTH GRUNTING) Is this another game? 64 00:02:14,101 --> 00:02:17,669 I don't understand a thing you two do. 65 00:02:17,838 --> 00:02:19,204 ¶ I'm twisted up inside 66 00:02:19,206 --> 00:02:23,375 ¶ But nonetheless I feel the need to say 67 00:02:25,713 --> 00:02:26,678 ¶ I don't know the future 68 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:30,749 ¶ But the past keeps getting clearer every day ¶ 69 00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:33,552 ADULT ADAM: It was April 26, 1980-something... 70 00:02:33,554 --> 00:02:34,987 The day my dad was honored 71 00:02:34,989 --> 00:02:36,922 as one of Jenkintown's top businessmen. 72 00:02:36,924 --> 00:02:38,991 His speech was one that said little 73 00:02:38,993 --> 00:02:40,726 while meaning even less. 74 00:02:40,728 --> 00:02:43,162 I can't remember that customer's name. 75 00:02:43,164 --> 00:02:44,563 Um... 76 00:02:44,565 --> 00:02:46,365 Well... 77 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:47,799 No. 78 00:02:47,801 --> 00:02:48,567 Point being is, 79 00:02:48,569 --> 00:02:52,137 that's why you always sell end tables separately. 80 00:02:52,139 --> 00:02:56,642 Well, thank you so much for the award and for lunch. 81 00:02:56,644 --> 00:02:58,610 It was... yeah. 82 00:02:59,146 --> 00:03:00,846 (LAUGHS) 83 00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:03,448 All right, let's go. I want to beat traffic. 84 00:03:03,450 --> 00:03:05,551 Oh. That was such a great speech, Mur. 85 00:03:05,553 --> 00:03:06,752 I am so proud of you. 86 00:03:06,754 --> 00:03:08,287 Tell him how proud you are, kids. 87 00:03:08,289 --> 00:03:09,288 Good stuff. You really did it. 88 00:03:09,290 --> 00:03:11,290 Your job kind of sucks. Ooh! Look! 89 00:03:11,292 --> 00:03:12,491 They're hanging your plaque, Mur. 90 00:03:12,493 --> 00:03:15,594 I'm literally kvelling out of every pore of my body. 91 00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:17,863 Look at all the amazing people you're with. 92 00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:21,166 Yeah, I didn't know Martin from Martin's Aquarium did all this stuff. 93 00:03:21,168 --> 00:03:23,001 He plays jazz, sailed around the world. 94 00:03:23,003 --> 00:03:24,903 Yeah, and that guy from Vantresca's Tuxedo 95 00:03:24,905 --> 00:03:27,372 climbs mountains and volunteers at the zoo. 96 00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:29,041 Here it is, Mur... Behold! 97 00:03:29,043 --> 00:03:33,512 BARRY: "Hobbies. Watching the weather channel and 'getting comfortable.'" 98 00:03:33,514 --> 00:03:34,413 Hmm. He nailed it. 99 00:03:34,415 --> 00:03:35,581 This is all you wrote, Murray? 100 00:03:35,583 --> 00:03:37,249 What? I only had a month to think of stuff. 101 00:03:37,251 --> 00:03:39,117 Well, I'd say that's a very accurate description 102 00:03:39,119 --> 00:03:40,552 of his lifestyle. Not at all! 103 00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:43,956 Your father has many wonderful interests and hobbies. 104 00:03:43,958 --> 00:03:45,190 I do? He does? 105 00:03:45,192 --> 00:03:48,193 Of course. I mean... 106 00:03:48,195 --> 00:03:50,862 Well, for starters, there's... 107 00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:53,398 I got one. He loves to call us morons. 108 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,801 I thought of that, but that's not a hobby per se. 109 00:03:55,803 --> 00:03:57,603 Stop it. He likes replacing batteries. 110 00:03:57,605 --> 00:03:59,805 And checking the mail. Okay, you're not helping. 111 00:03:59,807 --> 00:04:00,572 Oh, and turning the lights off. 112 00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:03,208 And screaming at us for not turning the lights off. 113 00:04:03,210 --> 00:04:05,444 Always being annoyed is not a hobby. 114 00:04:05,446 --> 00:04:08,046 He also screams when we slide around in socks. 115 00:04:08,048 --> 00:04:09,081 Hey, stitches aren't free. 116 00:04:09,083 --> 00:04:11,750 Murray, the whole town is gonna see this, 117 00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:14,152 and they're gonna think the Businessman of the Year 118 00:04:14,154 --> 00:04:15,087 is a lazy lump. 119 00:04:15,089 --> 00:04:16,521 I'd say more of a lovable loaf. 120 00:04:16,523 --> 00:04:19,224 You used to ride bikes and go to museums 121 00:04:19,226 --> 00:04:19,958 and see plays. 122 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:23,195 What happened to the man I married? 123 00:04:24,999 --> 00:04:26,198 Dad rode a bike? 124 00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:27,633 Ha! That must have looked nuts. 125 00:04:27,635 --> 00:04:30,435 That's like Charles Barkley jockeying a horse. 126 00:04:30,437 --> 00:04:31,803 I can't even imagine that. 127 00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:32,904 Just go wait outside. 128 00:04:32,906 --> 00:04:34,873 ADULT ADAM: And so to cover for my dad's laziness, 129 00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:37,242 my mom spent the day covering his award 130 00:04:37,244 --> 00:04:38,710 from the whole town. (COUGHS) 131 00:04:38,712 --> 00:04:41,380 Move along. Don't want anyone to get my cold. 132 00:04:41,382 --> 00:04:43,181 Okay, mom's not gonna let anyone see that plaque, 133 00:04:43,183 --> 00:04:45,550 so we're stuck here until it closes down for the night. 134 00:04:45,552 --> 00:04:47,586 Damn it! This day could not get any worse. 135 00:04:47,588 --> 00:04:50,088 (TIRES SCREECH) Hey, kid, take my clubs up front 136 00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:51,356 and return this cart for me. 137 00:04:51,358 --> 00:04:52,724 Oh, balls! He thinks you work here. 138 00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:55,794 Told you something special happens every time I dress up. 139 00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,529 Whatever you're thinking, no. 140 00:04:57,531 --> 00:04:59,131 But a random guy just told us 141 00:04:59,133 --> 00:05:01,900 to tear around the golf course and jump stuff. 142 00:05:01,902 --> 00:05:02,567 He didn't say that at all. 143 00:05:02,569 --> 00:05:05,103 What do you think? Should I go? Tell me to go, and I'll so go. 144 00:05:05,105 --> 00:05:07,439 Know what? I'm done looking out for you guys. 145 00:05:07,441 --> 00:05:08,273 What's that supposed to mean? 146 00:05:08,275 --> 00:05:10,008 It means next year, I'm going to college 147 00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:11,810 far, far away from you jamokes. 148 00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:13,011 Consider this a trial run. 149 00:05:13,013 --> 00:05:15,180 Your stupidity's in your own hands. 150 00:05:15,182 --> 00:05:16,415 But that's a lot of pressure. 151 00:05:16,417 --> 00:05:18,083 (HORN HONKING) Adam, it has a horn! 152 00:05:18,085 --> 00:05:18,583 A cute little horn! 153 00:05:18,585 --> 00:05:20,752 Oh, boy, here I go! Thank you for whatever you said. 154 00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:22,421 Let me honk the horn. (HORN HONKS) 155 00:05:22,423 --> 00:05:24,122 (LAUGHS) 156 00:05:24,325 --> 00:05:26,692 ¶ Dare, dare to believe you can survive 157 00:05:26,694 --> 00:05:27,726 Whoo! 158 00:05:27,728 --> 00:05:29,494 I love being a badass! 159 00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:32,164 I'm like Smokey and the bandit! 160 00:05:32,166 --> 00:05:34,032 Whoo! 161 00:05:34,034 --> 00:05:35,300 Aah! 162 00:05:36,270 --> 00:05:39,504 Fore! Whoo! Whoo! 163 00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:40,906 (LAUGHS) 164 00:05:40,908 --> 00:05:43,975 ADULT ADAM: That day, fate was on our side. 165 00:05:43,977 --> 00:05:44,609 Best day ever! 166 00:05:44,611 --> 00:05:47,045 Turns out, a little construction on the golf course 167 00:05:47,047 --> 00:05:48,714 created the perfect ramp. 168 00:05:48,716 --> 00:05:51,683 Lucky for you, it's about to get a lot better! 169 00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:56,355 ¶ Dare, dare to believe you can ¶ 170 00:05:59,093 --> 00:06:01,193 Well, you were right. 171 00:06:01,195 --> 00:06:02,794 I could not jump it. 172 00:06:02,796 --> 00:06:05,063 We need Erica! Go get Erica! 173 00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:06,131 Dude! You heard her. 174 00:06:06,133 --> 00:06:08,500 She's done dealing with our awesome hijinks! 175 00:06:08,502 --> 00:06:09,835 I think this is less hijinks 176 00:06:09,837 --> 00:06:11,937 and more of a... felony. 177 00:06:11,939 --> 00:06:12,838 We should run. 178 00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:15,540 ADULT ADAM: While Barry and I ran from the law, 179 00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:19,177 my dad was ready to break out of his old habits. 180 00:06:19,179 --> 00:06:20,579 I've given this a lot of thought. 181 00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:22,948 I don't want you to think of me as a lump. 182 00:06:22,950 --> 00:06:26,251 So if it'll make you happy, 183 00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:27,352 I'll do a hobby. 184 00:06:27,354 --> 00:06:28,820 Oh, Murray, that's such great news 185 00:06:28,822 --> 00:06:30,622 'cause I already got you a hobby coach. 186 00:06:30,624 --> 00:06:32,657 What? Well, I laid on the guilt pretty thick. 187 00:06:32,659 --> 00:06:35,093 I knew you'd cave. Dad, it's time! 188 00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:37,028 Do not parade your dad out here. 189 00:06:37,030 --> 00:06:38,797 Don't do that. Hey, hey. 190 00:06:38,799 --> 00:06:42,067 Who's ready to fill his hobby hole? 191 00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:43,435 Okay, I don't have a hole. 192 00:06:43,437 --> 00:06:44,703 And if I did have a hole, 193 00:06:44,705 --> 00:06:46,138 I wouldn't want to fill it with a hobby. 194 00:06:46,140 --> 00:06:47,839 Sure, you would. Take it away, Dad. 195 00:06:47,841 --> 00:06:50,976 Okay, let's get the hobby ball rolling 196 00:06:50,978 --> 00:06:54,146 with the greatest hobby of them all... 197 00:06:54,148 --> 00:06:55,580 Music. 198 00:06:55,883 --> 00:06:59,584 (BANJO PLAYING) ¶ Won't you come home, Bill Bailey? 199 00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:01,653 ¶ Won't you come home? ¶ 200 00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:04,256 You got to bang the bongos, Mur. 201 00:07:04,258 --> 00:07:06,024 I don't want to bang the bongos! 202 00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:07,392 Just bang the bongos. 203 00:07:07,394 --> 00:07:08,827 I'm not banging the bongos! 204 00:07:08,829 --> 00:07:11,363 Just give the bongos a little bang. 205 00:07:11,365 --> 00:07:14,633 If you want the bongos banged so bad, you bang the bongos! 206 00:07:14,635 --> 00:07:19,771 How can I bang the bongos if I'm playing Bill Bailey on the banjo? 207 00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:22,641 Murray, stop bickering and bang the bongos! 208 00:07:22,643 --> 00:07:23,141 Aah! 209 00:07:23,143 --> 00:07:26,111 ¶ Won't you come home, Bill Bailey? 210 00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:28,880 Hey, you got to bang to the beat, Mur. 211 00:07:28,882 --> 00:07:30,582 You're not banging to the beat. 212 00:07:30,584 --> 00:07:33,351 I'm trying the best I can! This stinks. 213 00:07:33,353 --> 00:07:36,121 Maybe your hobby's being an (BLEEP). 214 00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:37,055 What did you say? 215 00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:39,624 ¶ Remember that rainy evening? 216 00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:41,293 ¶ I sent you out ¶ 217 00:07:41,295 --> 00:07:41,960 Okay, enough music. 218 00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:45,163 Clearly, this is something I've got to get involved with. 219 00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:46,264 No, you don't! 220 00:07:46,266 --> 00:07:48,266 This brings me joy! 221 00:07:48,402 --> 00:07:50,268 Look, it's my hobby now. 222 00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:51,536 Come on, we'll find a fun hobby 223 00:07:51,538 --> 00:07:55,106 that you and I can do together, like, uh, scrapbooking. 224 00:07:55,108 --> 00:07:56,208 Huh? Jazzercise? 225 00:07:56,210 --> 00:07:57,576 Right. Power walking? 226 00:07:57,578 --> 00:07:58,243 "Power walking"? 227 00:07:58,245 --> 00:08:00,745 Couponing? Coupo... What the hell's... 228 00:08:00,747 --> 00:08:02,647 Well, what's that? It's a way to save money. 229 00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:03,381 Oh. All right, I'll do that one. 230 00:08:03,383 --> 00:08:06,551 Really? I mean, there's so many better things we could do 231 00:08:06,553 --> 00:08:08,086 where we'd be outside, getting fresh air... 232 00:08:08,088 --> 00:08:09,988 No, I want to do the one where we save money. 233 00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:11,723 Fine, I guess it's couponing. 234 00:08:11,725 --> 00:08:14,426 (LAUGHS) Yay, my husband has a hobby. 235 00:08:14,428 --> 00:08:17,596 I think I just got too ambitious with the bongos. 236 00:08:17,598 --> 00:08:18,897 Would you be open to clapping? 237 00:08:18,899 --> 00:08:21,600 Al! I don't want to make any more sounds! 238 00:08:21,602 --> 00:08:24,503 ADULT ADAM: As my dad decided his new hobby was saving money, 239 00:08:24,505 --> 00:08:26,938 Barry was coming up with a plan to save our butts. 240 00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:30,642 There it is, gentlemen, the answer to all our problems. 241 00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:31,710 Uh, how, exactly? 242 00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:34,779 Easy. We steal Cecil the janitor's golf cart 243 00:08:34,781 --> 00:08:36,314 and replace the one we sunk. 244 00:08:36,316 --> 00:08:37,582 It's the perfect crime. 245 00:08:37,584 --> 00:08:39,150 But then Cecil has no cart. 246 00:08:39,152 --> 00:08:40,018 Way ahead of you. 247 00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:41,353 We then steal another golf cart 248 00:08:41,355 --> 00:08:43,221 from a different country club to replace Cecil's. 249 00:08:43,223 --> 00:08:46,224 But then wouldn't the second golf course be missing their cart? 250 00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:48,760 Which is why we steal and replace golf carts 251 00:08:48,762 --> 00:08:51,563 several times a day for the rest of our natural lives. 252 00:08:51,565 --> 00:08:52,297 Isn't that a Ponzi scheme, bro? 253 00:08:52,299 --> 00:08:56,268 Fonzie has nothing to do with this, Matthew. He drives a motorcycle. 254 00:08:56,270 --> 00:08:58,803 Not a Fonzie scheme, dude, Ponzi. 255 00:08:58,805 --> 00:09:00,639 And that's exactly what this is. 256 00:09:00,641 --> 00:09:01,940 Not at all. All we got to do 257 00:09:01,942 --> 00:09:05,410 is swipe hundreds, if not thousands, of golf carts 258 00:09:05,412 --> 00:09:07,712 to keep our scam alive until we grow old 259 00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:08,580 and our children take our place! 260 00:09:08,582 --> 00:09:12,050 You really need to go to your sister about this. On my way. 261 00:09:14,454 --> 00:09:15,720 Erica, I need your help! 262 00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:17,155 Bup, bup! We discussed this! 263 00:09:17,157 --> 00:09:20,125 My days of looking after you are done. You're a man now, right? 264 00:09:20,127 --> 00:09:23,595 Thing is, in this case, I feel more like a scared little boy 265 00:09:23,597 --> 00:09:25,063 who needs his big sister. 266 00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:25,363 God, no! 267 00:09:25,365 --> 00:09:29,167 Just pretend it's next year and I'm at college. What do you do then? 268 00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:30,335 Call you on a special red phone 269 00:09:30,337 --> 00:09:32,704 so you can rush home and fix my dumb mistakes? 270 00:09:32,706 --> 00:09:33,905 Look at me. 271 00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:34,839 There is no red phone. 272 00:09:34,841 --> 00:09:37,542 I am far away, living an awesome life without you. 273 00:09:37,544 --> 00:09:39,144 What about the house mother in your sorority? 274 00:09:39,146 --> 00:09:41,813 Can she give you the message between bikini tickle-fights? 275 00:09:41,815 --> 00:09:43,348 You really need to stop watching 276 00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:44,616 USA Up All Night boobie movies. 277 00:09:44,618 --> 00:09:48,520 So (SIGHS) you're not gonna talk to me when you're at college? 278 00:09:48,522 --> 00:09:50,855 No, but you'll see me at Thanksgiving 279 00:09:50,857 --> 00:09:52,123 and when I run out of money. 280 00:09:52,125 --> 00:09:54,993 I'm, like, reeling right now. You gave me no warning! 281 00:09:54,995 --> 00:09:58,129 I've been talking about going to college for the last four years! 282 00:09:58,131 --> 00:10:00,999 But it had no resonance till this very moment! 283 00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:01,466 I'm okay with that. 284 00:10:01,468 --> 00:10:04,169 Please consider forgoing college and staying with me. 285 00:10:04,171 --> 00:10:05,270 That's so cute. No. 286 00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:06,137 Then you leave me no choice. 287 00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:10,976 From this moment forth, you are not the Erica I need and depend on. 288 00:10:10,978 --> 00:10:12,777 Barry shall be my Erica! 289 00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:13,511 Here's a crazy idea. 290 00:10:13,513 --> 00:10:18,049 Why not make Adam the Erica and just figure it out yourself? 291 00:10:18,051 --> 00:10:18,283 Never! 292 00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:21,386 Barry will shepherd and guide me through life like a bright North Star, 293 00:10:21,388 --> 00:10:23,989 and from now on, I'm putting all my trust and faith 294 00:10:23,991 --> 00:10:27,092 in Barry, a.k.a. new Erica. 295 00:10:27,094 --> 00:10:27,792 Great news! 296 00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:31,463 I stole Cecil's cart to replace the one we sunk. 297 00:10:31,465 --> 00:10:33,965 Our life of crime begins now! 298 00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:35,333 (SIGHS) 299 00:10:35,335 --> 00:10:37,002 Well, I guess that's my cue. 300 00:10:37,004 --> 00:10:38,436 Guess so. 301 00:10:38,438 --> 00:10:39,971 (EXHALES) 302 00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:45,944 ADULT ADAM: Our Fonzie/Ponzi scheme was in motion. 303 00:10:45,946 --> 00:10:49,848 Surprisingly, Barry's complex plan was coming together without a hitch. 304 00:10:49,850 --> 00:10:52,784 Okay, we're just gonna abandon this thing by the clubhouse, 305 00:10:52,786 --> 00:10:54,619 and they'll never know the difference. 306 00:10:54,621 --> 00:10:56,688 Wow. This plan actually can work. 307 00:10:56,690 --> 00:10:57,989 I'm so glad you're my new Erica. 308 00:10:57,991 --> 00:10:59,824 Your what? I'm just saying, with her ditching me, 309 00:10:59,826 --> 00:11:02,827 you're now entirely responsible for my future and safety. 310 00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:04,963 Noice. Now, let's floor this bad boy 311 00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:06,798 and jump that hill again. 312 00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:09,200 Uh, not to second-guess you, New Erica, 313 00:11:09,202 --> 00:11:11,903 but we've already tried this, and it went real bad for us. 314 00:11:11,905 --> 00:11:14,773 But the new cart is so much sleeker, Adam. 315 00:11:14,775 --> 00:11:16,241 It has a janitor broom on the back 316 00:11:16,243 --> 00:11:18,443 that acts as a wing to lift us to the heavens. 317 00:11:18,445 --> 00:11:20,512 There's no way you believe that's real, right? 318 00:11:20,514 --> 00:11:22,414 Trust your New Erica. 319 00:11:22,649 --> 00:11:24,249 Time to taste the sky! 320 00:11:24,251 --> 00:11:30,689 ¶ Dare, dare to believe you can survive ¶ 321 00:11:32,225 --> 00:11:32,624 What happened? 322 00:11:32,626 --> 00:11:36,261 Why aren't we triumphantly soaring through the air like falcons? 323 00:11:36,263 --> 00:11:37,362 Thank God. We bottomed out. 324 00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:39,998 Let's just leave the cart and go home. 325 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:40,665 (SIGHS) 326 00:11:40,667 --> 00:11:43,134 Don't worry! Big Tasty's got this. 327 00:11:43,136 --> 00:11:44,669 We just got to jump on the back 328 00:11:44,671 --> 00:11:46,638 until it seesaws out of here. 329 00:11:47,507 --> 00:11:48,907 One! 330 00:11:49,009 --> 00:11:50,141 Two! 331 00:11:50,143 --> 00:11:51,743 Oh, no! 332 00:11:51,745 --> 00:11:53,511 ADULT ADAM: And like most Fonzie schemes, 333 00:11:53,513 --> 00:11:56,014 this one collapsed lightning fast. 334 00:11:56,016 --> 00:11:56,915 I'm good. Oh, God. 335 00:11:56,917 --> 00:11:59,451 I'm good. You just got run over by a golf cart! 336 00:11:59,453 --> 00:12:02,420 I'm good! Why do you keep saying you're good? 337 00:12:02,422 --> 00:12:04,489 There's no way you're good. I'll go get Erica. 338 00:12:04,491 --> 00:12:06,391 No! I'm the Erica now. 339 00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:08,426 Listen to me closely. 340 00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:11,196 Go get Erica. There's a golf cart on me. 341 00:12:11,198 --> 00:12:12,630 But you said you were good! 342 00:12:12,632 --> 00:12:14,099 Go get her! 343 00:12:15,869 --> 00:12:17,902 (PHONE RINGS) Yello? 344 00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:19,471 AUTOMATED VOICE: You have a collect call from... 345 00:12:19,473 --> 00:12:22,841 We're at the golf course. Barry's pinned under a cart. We need you! 346 00:12:22,843 --> 00:12:24,676 Do you accept the charges? 347 00:12:24,678 --> 00:12:26,945 Mmm... Nope. 348 00:12:27,047 --> 00:12:29,347 ADULT ADAM: As promised, Erica had abandoned us. 349 00:12:29,349 --> 00:12:32,717 Meanwhile, my dad was embracing his new couponing hobby. 350 00:12:32,719 --> 00:12:34,619 Of course, he'd need intensive training 351 00:12:34,621 --> 00:12:36,688 from the master of all bargain hunters. 352 00:12:36,690 --> 00:12:38,957 (SIGHS) Murray, this is a big moment. 353 00:12:38,959 --> 00:12:42,494 I have never given my coupon pouch to another human person. 354 00:12:42,496 --> 00:12:43,762 I don't need it. Look right here. 355 00:12:43,764 --> 00:12:46,631 Packaged pastrami, with this circular, two for one. 356 00:12:46,633 --> 00:12:48,933 And where'd you get that? They were at the front of the store. 357 00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:51,803 Yeah, because the store circular is a sucker's play. 358 00:12:51,805 --> 00:12:54,939 My babies do not eat pastrami wrapped in deadly plastic. 359 00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:57,709 Even better, they're practically giving away canned meats. 360 00:12:57,711 --> 00:12:59,844 ADULT ADAM: Once my dad felt the rush of saving money, 361 00:12:59,846 --> 00:13:02,781 the student quickly began to surpass the master. 362 00:13:02,783 --> 00:13:04,516 Whoo-hoo, I got myself a hobby! 363 00:13:04,518 --> 00:13:06,718 But you're picking all the wrong stuff. 364 00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:08,920 The point of couponing is to find savings 365 00:13:08,922 --> 00:13:10,655 on things you actually want. 366 00:13:10,657 --> 00:13:12,023 And I want to save money. 367 00:13:12,025 --> 00:13:14,425 Look at this. They got canned bananas. 368 00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:17,829 You buy fives, you get 10 free! 369 00:13:18,198 --> 00:13:20,365 Bananas don't need cans. 370 00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:21,299 They're wrapped by God! 371 00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,434 ADULT ADAM: As my mom lost my dad to his new hobby, 372 00:13:23,436 --> 00:13:27,739 Erica found her new boyfriend had planned quite the surprise. 373 00:13:27,741 --> 00:13:28,740 Geoff, what's all this? 374 00:13:28,742 --> 00:13:32,877 As you know, I wanted to do something really special for our first official date. 375 00:13:32,879 --> 00:13:33,678 Yeah, we're going to Red Lobster. 376 00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:36,147 Thing is, I didn't realize we're smack in the middle of Crabfest, 377 00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:39,083 so they're booked solid. Damn it. It's April already? 378 00:13:39,085 --> 00:13:40,652 Seems like just yesterday, it was Clamuary. 379 00:13:40,654 --> 00:13:43,087 I know how much you had your heart set on fancy seafood, 380 00:13:43,089 --> 00:13:46,558 so I scored some fresh lobster for us to cook here. 381 00:13:46,560 --> 00:13:48,493 Oh, it'll be just like Annie Hall! 382 00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:50,695 So cute and fun and... What the hell are those? 383 00:13:50,697 --> 00:13:53,932 They're lake lobsters, same tender meat with half the salt. 384 00:13:53,934 --> 00:13:55,466 There's only two. They're bite-sized. 385 00:13:55,468 --> 00:13:57,902 Yeah, they looked bigger in the bed of that pickup truck 386 00:13:57,904 --> 00:13:59,137 I bought them from. It's fine. 387 00:13:59,139 --> 00:14:00,238 I had a big lunch. Just cook 'em up. 388 00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:02,841 Um, I was kind of thinking maybe you could touch them, 389 00:14:02,843 --> 00:14:05,009 because looking at them makes my skin crawl. 390 00:14:05,011 --> 00:14:07,512 Ew, gross! You're the boyfriend. Just grab 'em and... 391 00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:08,980 Oh, no, one of them is missing. Aah! 392 00:14:08,982 --> 00:14:10,915 It must've scurried off! He knew what we were planning! 393 00:14:10,917 --> 00:14:13,117 Really not what I had in mind for our first date! 394 00:14:13,119 --> 00:14:14,919 (TELEPHONE RINGS) Hello? 395 00:14:14,921 --> 00:14:17,255 AUTOMATED VOICE: You have a collect call from... 396 00:14:17,257 --> 00:14:18,223 We need you! 397 00:14:18,225 --> 00:14:19,224 Do you accept the charges? 398 00:14:19,226 --> 00:14:21,726 We discussed this, Adam. You're on your own. 399 00:14:21,728 --> 00:14:24,095 What was that about? Eh, Barry's pinned under a car 400 00:14:24,097 --> 00:14:25,797 or something. Back to our date. 401 00:14:25,799 --> 00:14:27,265 I think you should go help them. 402 00:14:27,267 --> 00:14:29,300 No! We had a decade of terrible timing. 403 00:14:29,302 --> 00:14:32,003 I will not have our first date ruined by my idiot brothers. 404 00:14:32,005 --> 00:14:35,440 Now, let's eat these beach termites and make some memories. 405 00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:38,243 Aah, it's on you! Its pincers are clamped on! 406 00:14:38,245 --> 00:14:40,245 What? Geoff, get it off! 407 00:14:40,247 --> 00:14:41,579 Get it off! Geoff! 408 00:14:41,581 --> 00:14:43,147 Aah, it's clamped on so good! 409 00:14:43,149 --> 00:14:44,682 Get it... Aah! Aah! 410 00:14:44,684 --> 00:14:45,116 Ow, get it off! 411 00:14:45,118 --> 00:14:48,753 ADULT ADAM: Yes, Erica's romantic evening with Geoff was off the rails, 412 00:14:48,755 --> 00:14:52,056 and so was my dad's coupon clipping. 413 00:14:54,294 --> 00:14:55,460 What the hell's all this? 414 00:14:55,462 --> 00:14:57,028 You're looking at our retirement. 415 00:14:57,030 --> 00:14:58,730 All right, no more couponing for you. 416 00:14:58,732 --> 00:15:00,765 I want my pouch. Give me my pouch. 417 00:15:00,767 --> 00:15:02,533 It wasn't big enough. 418 00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:04,068 We have a savings satchel now. 419 00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:06,404 There is no such thing as a savings satchel. 420 00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:07,972 Tell the ladies at the Pick N' Save. 421 00:15:07,974 --> 00:15:10,208 All they could do was look at my satchel. 422 00:15:10,210 --> 00:15:13,878 You went to the Pick N' Save in Trenton? 423 00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:15,113 Have you lost your mind? 424 00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:16,214 What are you so angry about? 425 00:15:16,216 --> 00:15:19,684 I'm finally into a hobby. I thought you'd be happy. 426 00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:21,052 Happy? 427 00:15:21,054 --> 00:15:22,453 This can says "meat." 428 00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:24,722 There are no other descriptive words. 429 00:15:24,724 --> 00:15:27,692 Meat! What more do you need to know? 430 00:15:27,694 --> 00:15:28,793 Meat. That's enough. 431 00:15:28,795 --> 00:15:30,628 I'm going to my backup pouch. 432 00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:31,663 Whoa, whoa, hang on. 433 00:15:31,665 --> 00:15:32,997 What's in your purse? Nothing. 434 00:15:32,999 --> 00:15:36,868 Is that quilted three-ply premium toilet paper? 435 00:15:36,870 --> 00:15:39,370 Actually, it's four-ply. 436 00:15:39,372 --> 00:15:41,773 Four-ply? That's three plys too many! 437 00:15:41,775 --> 00:15:45,176 No one uses one-ply, Murray. No one. 438 00:15:45,178 --> 00:15:47,645 A person needs at least two plys. 439 00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:49,580 What is this, Falcon Crest? 440 00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:52,517 I've been a couponer long enough to know 441 00:15:52,519 --> 00:15:55,053 that you paid full price for this. 442 00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:56,387 I regret nothing. 443 00:15:56,389 --> 00:16:00,458 Your coarse single-ply is sandpapering our tushies. 444 00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:02,060 Poor Adam can barely walk. 445 00:16:02,062 --> 00:16:03,294 Single-ply builds character. 446 00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:06,097 Let's just go back to the way things were, okay? 447 00:16:06,099 --> 00:16:08,833 Back to you watching TV and being comfortable. 448 00:16:08,835 --> 00:16:12,103 I thought you were embarrassed by your dumb lump of a husband 449 00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:15,573 who doesn't go to plays and doesn't go to museums 450 00:16:15,575 --> 00:16:17,942 and doesn't ride a bike like some European. 451 00:16:17,944 --> 00:16:20,011 Well, I didn't mean it like that. 452 00:16:20,013 --> 00:16:20,378 Yes, you did! 453 00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:24,115 You blocked that plaque with your body and you called me names 454 00:16:24,117 --> 00:16:25,450 and you hurt my feelings. 455 00:16:25,452 --> 00:16:28,786 Since when do your feelings ever get hurt? 456 00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:30,922 Since now. 457 00:16:30,924 --> 00:16:35,760 All I was trying to do was remind you of the man you married. 458 00:16:35,762 --> 00:16:38,296 Guess I'm terrible at that, too. 459 00:16:45,071 --> 00:16:48,639 ADULT ADAM: It had been an hour since Barry got pinned under a golf cart, 460 00:16:48,641 --> 00:16:50,508 and, well, he was still trapped. 461 00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:51,209 Aah, I'm wedged even worse! 462 00:16:51,211 --> 00:16:55,513 In classic Barry fashion, each new plan was shoddier than the last. 463 00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:56,280 Okay. Here's the plan. 464 00:16:56,282 --> 00:17:00,051 I need you to dig down and use a sudden burst of super strength 465 00:17:00,053 --> 00:17:01,486 to pull this cart off me. 466 00:17:01,488 --> 00:17:02,887 Wha... I don't have super strength! 467 00:17:02,889 --> 00:17:06,424 Come on, it's like when a mom pulls a car off her kid! 468 00:17:06,426 --> 00:17:08,326 I can do this! Save baby Barry. 469 00:17:08,328 --> 00:17:11,996 I'm a mama, and you're my scrumptious little boopie! 470 00:17:12,732 --> 00:17:13,865 (GRUNTING) 471 00:17:13,867 --> 00:17:14,766 Oh, no. It's working? 472 00:17:14,768 --> 00:17:18,136 How do you get "It's working" from "Oh, no"? 473 00:17:18,138 --> 00:17:19,070 I split my pants. 474 00:17:19,072 --> 00:17:21,906 Ha! Get over here and show me your butt 475 00:17:21,908 --> 00:17:23,174 so I can call you a lame nerd. 476 00:17:23,176 --> 00:17:25,877 No time. I got to fix this. Come on, think. 477 00:17:25,879 --> 00:17:27,678 What would Erica do? Think. What would Erica do? 478 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:31,849 ADULT ADAM: Lucky for me, Erica was always there when I needed her most. 479 00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:34,552 Erica would say, "Move aside," 'cause she's gonna take care of it. 480 00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:35,553 Who's saying that? Is that Erica? 481 00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:38,990 Why are you here? I thought you got into college and were done helping. 482 00:17:38,992 --> 00:17:41,859 True, but then I figured, eh, probably shouldn't 483 00:17:41,861 --> 00:17:43,995 let Barry get crushed under a golf cart. 484 00:17:43,997 --> 00:17:46,297 Answer me! Is that Erica talking? 485 00:17:46,299 --> 00:17:48,099 ADULT ADAM: It was Erica, all right. 486 00:17:48,101 --> 00:17:49,400 (WHISTLES) 487 00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:50,368 And she wasn't alone. 488 00:17:50,370 --> 00:17:51,969 If there was one thing our sister was good at, 489 00:17:51,971 --> 00:17:56,007 it was knowing how to bail her little brothers out of trouble. 490 00:17:56,009 --> 00:17:57,575 Answer me. Is it Erica? 491 00:17:57,577 --> 00:17:59,310 And that day, she knew the answer would be 492 00:17:59,312 --> 00:18:01,245 to bring in the reinforcements. 493 00:18:01,247 --> 00:18:02,580 JTP, do your thing. 494 00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:04,649 You know it. Let's do this! 495 00:18:04,651 --> 00:18:06,551 (JTP GRUNTING) 496 00:18:07,821 --> 00:18:11,622 I knew it! I'm unbreakable! JTP. 497 00:18:11,624 --> 00:18:13,424 ALL: JTP! (CHEERING) 498 00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:14,759 Whoa, whoa, whoa, don't celebrate yet. 499 00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:18,096 Andy, Matt, Naked Rob, go to the lake and pull out the old cart. 500 00:18:18,098 --> 00:18:19,297 Roger that. Copy. Let's move. 501 00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:22,133 Barry, return Cecil's cart to school before he gets fired. 502 00:18:22,135 --> 00:18:23,901 That seems fair! Geoff, go to Red Lobster 503 00:18:23,903 --> 00:18:25,503 and book a booth by the window. 504 00:18:25,505 --> 00:18:27,105 Yes, my love! 505 00:18:27,407 --> 00:18:27,905 What about me? 506 00:18:27,907 --> 00:18:30,908 You're good just being my annoying little brother. 507 00:18:31,411 --> 00:18:32,810 Thanks. 508 00:18:32,812 --> 00:18:35,980 You know, I'm really gonna miss you next year. 509 00:18:37,383 --> 00:18:39,317 Me, too. Really? 510 00:18:39,319 --> 00:18:39,951 Yeah. 511 00:18:39,953 --> 00:18:44,755 No matter where I end up, I'll always be your sister. 512 00:18:44,757 --> 00:18:47,558 (NENA'S 99 LUFTBALLONS PLAYING) 513 00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:49,627 (TIRES SCREECH) 514 00:18:51,264 --> 00:18:53,831 Don't worry! I'll just jump on the back. 515 00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:56,701 Let me be the Erica and handle it! 516 00:18:58,505 --> 00:18:59,937 ADULT ADAM: In the end, my sister realized 517 00:18:59,939 --> 00:19:03,374 the best thing she could do was cherish the time she had left with us. 518 00:19:03,376 --> 00:19:08,946 And my mom, she realized she had to cherish my dad for who he was. 519 00:19:08,948 --> 00:19:10,114 Hey, can we talk? 520 00:19:10,116 --> 00:19:13,251 About what? I'm doing what you asked me to do. I'm sitting in my chair. 521 00:19:13,253 --> 00:19:17,321 Murray, the last thing I'd ever want to do is hurt your feelings. 522 00:19:17,323 --> 00:19:18,322 Well, you were right. 523 00:19:18,324 --> 00:19:21,626 Look at me. I'm not the same man you married. 524 00:19:21,628 --> 00:19:24,896 No. You're better. 525 00:19:29,469 --> 00:19:30,835 Look at me. I got hobbies. 526 00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:33,938 "Checking the thermostat, closing the windows, 527 00:19:33,940 --> 00:19:35,673 "making sure the gas tank is full." 528 00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:40,144 And, of course, being a dad, being my husband. 529 00:19:40,146 --> 00:19:40,878 Those aren't hobbies. 530 00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:42,313 Well, they're the only ones that matter to me. 531 00:19:42,315 --> 00:19:46,083 ADULT ADAM: And so my dad went back to the hobbies he did best, 532 00:19:46,085 --> 00:19:47,084 like checking the thermostat... 533 00:19:47,086 --> 00:19:50,054 Which one of you morons cranked the heat up to 55? 534 00:19:50,056 --> 00:19:52,023 Making sure the gas tank was full... 535 00:19:52,025 --> 00:19:53,991 Look at the gas gauge! Look at it! 536 00:19:53,993 --> 00:19:56,060 Napping in his chair... 537 00:19:56,062 --> 00:19:56,527 (SNORES) 538 00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:59,764 And yelling at us for sliding around in our socks. 539 00:19:59,766 --> 00:20:01,165 Knock it off, you moron! 540 00:20:01,167 --> 00:20:02,400 That's the thing about family. 541 00:20:02,402 --> 00:20:05,703 It means you're always there to bail them out of trouble. 542 00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:06,070 Aah! 543 00:20:06,072 --> 00:20:08,139 But it also means that sometimes... 544 00:20:08,141 --> 00:20:10,208 You guys are balloon ball amateurs. 545 00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:12,009 You got to jump in and join the fun. 546 00:20:12,011 --> 00:20:17,615 And sure, life will hand you ups, downs, hits, misses, 547 00:20:17,617 --> 00:20:18,683 and unexpected dives, 548 00:20:18,685 --> 00:20:19,750 but the one thing that's for sure, 549 00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:24,455 when you're with family, there's bound to be plenty of surprises. 550 00:20:24,457 --> 00:20:28,092 Murray? Oh, my God! 551 00:20:28,094 --> 00:20:29,393 Dad on a bike. 552 00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:30,928 What do you know? 553 00:20:30,930 --> 00:20:31,829 Come on, slowpoke. 554 00:20:31,831 --> 00:20:34,465 'Cause in the end, life's better when you have 555 00:20:34,467 --> 00:20:37,401 your loved ones around for the ride. 556 00:20:40,106 --> 00:20:43,341 I got it, I got it! Oh... 557 00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:48,412 I'm good, I'm good. 558 00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:51,015 I'm good. I'm good. 559 00:20:51,017 --> 00:20:51,916 (LAUGHTER) 560 00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:53,484 I'm good, I'm good! 561 00:20:53,486 --> 00:20:55,853 I'm good. I'm good. 562 00:20:57,857 --> 00:21:01,359 ¶ Remember that rainy evening? 563 00:21:01,361 --> 00:21:03,194 ¶ I sent you out 564 00:21:03,196 --> 00:21:07,932 ¶ With nothing but a fine-tooth comb 565 00:21:07,934 --> 00:21:10,468 ¶ Oh, lo-lo-lo-lo 566 00:21:10,470 --> 00:21:13,437 ¶ Know I'm to blame 567 00:21:13,439 --> 00:21:15,239 ¶ Ain't it a shame? 568 00:21:15,241 --> 00:21:18,776 ¶ Bill Bailey, won't you please come? 569 00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:21,412 ¶ Bailey, won't you please come? 570 00:21:21,414 --> 00:21:27,785 ¶ Bailey, won't you please come on home? ¶ 571 00:21:27,787 --> 00:21:29,787 (SNORING) 51090

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