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ADULT ADAM:
Growing up in the '80s,
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00:00:01,502 --> 00:00:04,670
some of my best memories were with my big sister, Erica.
3
00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:06,138
She was always there for me
4
00:00:06,140 --> 00:00:08,974
and entertained even my silliest of ideas.
5
00:00:08,976 --> 00:00:10,509
My big brother, on the other hand,
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00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:13,979
was most entertained by smacking me around like a rag doll.
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00:00:13,981 --> 00:00:15,781
Barry, put me down!
Nope.
8
00:00:15,783 --> 00:00:16,515
Don't jostle him too much.
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00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:19,685
I am not paying to have
the carpet shampooed again.
10
00:00:19,687 --> 00:00:20,019
Mom, help!
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00:00:20,021 --> 00:00:21,854
ADULT ADAM:
Like most brothers, when we got together,
12
00:00:21,856 --> 00:00:24,490
we didn't always make the brightest of decisions.
13
00:00:24,492 --> 00:00:25,824
What are
you two dopes doing?
14
00:00:25,826 --> 00:00:27,259
Deciding which college
we should go to.
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00:00:27,261 --> 00:00:30,996
We taped 18 hours' worth
of USA Up All Night movies
16
00:00:30,998 --> 00:00:32,331
and carefully
studied them all.
17
00:00:32,333 --> 00:00:33,866
Got to tell you,
it's a tough choice.
18
00:00:33,868 --> 00:00:35,267
It's between
Screwball Academy...
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00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:37,236
Which is ranked first
in coed pillow fighting.
20
00:00:37,238 --> 00:00:40,105
...Or the unnamed school
from Sorority House Party,
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00:00:40,107 --> 00:00:42,408
which has a great
wet t-shirt program.
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00:00:42,410 --> 00:00:43,375
None of it's real!
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00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:46,245
Bikini Ski School
Isn't real.
24
00:00:46,247 --> 00:00:47,546
You sound like
the stuffy dean
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00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:48,947
who lost the mountain
in a ski race.
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00:00:48,949 --> 00:00:51,817
ADULT ADAM: Oddly enough, it seemed like the older we got,
27
00:00:51,819 --> 00:00:53,018
the stupider the ideas became.
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00:00:53,020 --> 00:00:56,822
Whatcha doing?
Dude, look how awesome
I am at this balloon.
29
00:00:56,824 --> 00:00:57,589
Eh, I've seen better.
30
00:00:57,591 --> 00:01:01,760
Better? Let's see you
handle the heat!
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00:01:02,530 --> 00:01:05,097
Ha! I'm so much better
at the balloon than you.
32
00:01:05,099 --> 00:01:07,733
Fine! First one
to let it hit the ground
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00:01:07,735 --> 00:01:09,802
gets their nurples purpled.
34
00:01:09,804 --> 00:01:10,769
Game on, loser.
35
00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:14,473
I'm coming at you
with everything I've got.
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00:01:17,278 --> 00:01:19,812
955. 956. 957.
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00:01:19,814 --> 00:01:20,979
I love how close they are.
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00:01:20,981 --> 00:01:24,416
Don't encourage
these morons.
You're aggravating me.
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00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:26,251
Stop it.
Stop hitting the balloon!
40
00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:28,353
Murray, let me put some
salad on your plate.
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00:01:28,355 --> 00:01:30,756
This is the worst dinner
of my life.
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00:01:30,758 --> 00:01:32,224
Oh! Still in play!
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00:01:32,226 --> 00:01:34,793
Please give up.
I can't feel my arms.
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00:01:34,795 --> 00:01:35,427
Just let it
hit the ground.
45
00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:38,664
You let it hit the ground.
I have a Spanish test
in the morning
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00:01:38,666 --> 00:01:39,965
I'm gonna fail
'cause of you.
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00:01:39,967 --> 00:01:41,133
Someone let it
hit the ground
48
00:01:41,135 --> 00:01:43,335
and end this ferkakte
game already.
49
00:01:43,337 --> 00:01:44,169
We're too far in, Pops.
50
00:01:44,171 --> 00:01:45,904
There's no going back.
He's right.
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00:01:45,906 --> 00:01:47,106
We're in too deep!
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00:01:47,108 --> 00:01:48,307
It's just a balloon.
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00:01:48,309 --> 00:01:50,709
Not anymore!
This is our life now.
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00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:52,811
You'll all come to accept it
in due time.
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00:01:52,813 --> 00:01:53,712
Okay, enough of this
stupidity!
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00:01:53,714 --> 00:01:57,382
ADULT ADAM: Fortunately, for every dumb idea my brother roped me into,
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00:01:57,384 --> 00:02:00,352
there was always my sister to bail me out.
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00:02:00,354 --> 00:02:02,588
There. It's over.
It's a tie.
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00:02:02,590 --> 00:02:03,989
Go back to your
meaningless lives.
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00:02:03,991 --> 00:02:07,359
I'm free!
Thank you for saving us
from ourselves.
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00:02:09,797 --> 00:02:10,796
Let go.
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00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:12,264
You let go first.
Never.
63
00:02:12,266 --> 00:02:14,099
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Is this another game?
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00:02:14,101 --> 00:02:17,669
I don't understand
a thing you two do.
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00:02:17,838 --> 00:02:19,204
¶ I'm twisted up inside
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00:02:19,206 --> 00:02:23,375
¶ But nonetheless I feel the need to say
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00:02:25,713 --> 00:02:26,678
¶ I don't know the future
68
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:30,749
¶ But the past keeps getting clearer every day ¶
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00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:33,552
ADULT ADAM: It was April 26, 1980-something...
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00:02:33,554 --> 00:02:34,987
The day my dad was honored
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00:02:34,989 --> 00:02:36,922
as one of Jenkintown's top businessmen.
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00:02:36,924 --> 00:02:38,991
His speech was one that said little
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00:02:38,993 --> 00:02:40,726
while meaning even less.
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00:02:40,728 --> 00:02:43,162
I can't remember
that customer's name.
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00:02:43,164 --> 00:02:44,563
Um...
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00:02:44,565 --> 00:02:46,365
Well...
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00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:47,799
No.
78
00:02:47,801 --> 00:02:48,567
Point being is,
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00:02:48,569 --> 00:02:52,137
that's why you always sell
end tables separately.
80
00:02:52,139 --> 00:02:56,642
Well, thank you so much
for the award and for lunch.
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00:02:56,644 --> 00:02:58,610
It was... yeah.
82
00:02:59,146 --> 00:03:00,846
(LAUGHS)
83
00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:03,448
All right, let's go.
I want to beat traffic.
84
00:03:03,450 --> 00:03:05,551
Oh. That was such
a great speech, Mur.
85
00:03:05,553 --> 00:03:06,752
I am so proud of you.
86
00:03:06,754 --> 00:03:08,287
Tell him how proud
you are, kids.
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00:03:08,289 --> 00:03:09,288
Good stuff.
You really did it.
88
00:03:09,290 --> 00:03:11,290
Your job kind of sucks.
Ooh! Look!
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00:03:11,292 --> 00:03:12,491
They're hanging
your plaque, Mur.
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00:03:12,493 --> 00:03:15,594
I'm literally kvelling
out of every pore of my body.
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00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:17,863
Look at all the amazing people
you're with.
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00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:21,166
Yeah, I didn't know Martin
from Martin's Aquarium
did all this stuff.
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00:03:21,168 --> 00:03:23,001
He plays jazz,
sailed around the world.
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00:03:23,003 --> 00:03:24,903
Yeah, and that guy
from Vantresca's Tuxedo
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00:03:24,905 --> 00:03:27,372
climbs mountains
and volunteers at the zoo.
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00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:29,041
Here it is, Mur... Behold!
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00:03:29,043 --> 00:03:33,512
BARRY: "Hobbies. Watching
the weather channel
and 'getting comfortable.'"
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00:03:33,514 --> 00:03:34,413
Hmm. He nailed it.
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00:03:34,415 --> 00:03:35,581
This is all you wrote, Murray?
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00:03:35,583 --> 00:03:37,249
What? I only had a month
to think of stuff.
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00:03:37,251 --> 00:03:39,117
Well, I'd say that's
a very accurate description
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of his lifestyle.
Not at all!
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00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:43,956
Your father has many wonderful
interests and hobbies.
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00:03:43,958 --> 00:03:45,190
I do?
He does?
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00:03:45,192 --> 00:03:48,193
Of course. I mean...
106
00:03:48,195 --> 00:03:50,862
Well, for starters,
there's...
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00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:53,398
I got one.
He loves to call us morons.
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00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,801
I thought of that,
but that's not a hobby per se.
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00:03:55,803 --> 00:03:57,603
Stop it.
He likes replacing batteries.
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00:03:57,605 --> 00:03:59,805
And checking the mail.
Okay, you're not helping.
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00:03:59,807 --> 00:04:00,572
Oh, and turning
the lights off.
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00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:03,208
And screaming at us
for not turning
the lights off.
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00:04:03,210 --> 00:04:05,444
Always being annoyed
is not a hobby.
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00:04:05,446 --> 00:04:08,046
He also screams when we
slide around in socks.
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00:04:08,048 --> 00:04:09,081
Hey, stitches aren't free.
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00:04:09,083 --> 00:04:11,750
Murray, the whole town
is gonna see this,
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00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:14,152
and they're gonna think
the Businessman of the Year
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00:04:14,154 --> 00:04:15,087
is a lazy lump.
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00:04:15,089 --> 00:04:16,521
I'd say
more of a lovable loaf.
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00:04:16,523 --> 00:04:19,224
You used to ride bikes
and go to museums
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00:04:19,226 --> 00:04:19,958
and see plays.
122
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:23,195
What happened
to the man I married?
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00:04:24,999 --> 00:04:26,198
Dad rode a bike?
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00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:27,633
Ha! That must have
looked nuts.
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00:04:27,635 --> 00:04:30,435
That's like Charles Barkley
jockeying a horse.
126
00:04:30,437 --> 00:04:31,803
I can't even imagine that.
127
00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:32,904
Just go wait outside.
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00:04:32,906 --> 00:04:34,873
ADULT ADAM: And so to cover for my dad's laziness,
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00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:37,242
my mom spent the day covering his award
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00:04:37,244 --> 00:04:38,710
from the whole town.
(COUGHS)
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00:04:38,712 --> 00:04:41,380
Move along. Don't want
anyone to get my cold.
132
00:04:41,382 --> 00:04:43,181
Okay, mom's not gonna
let anyone see that plaque,
133
00:04:43,183 --> 00:04:45,550
so we're stuck here until
it closes down for the night.
134
00:04:45,552 --> 00:04:47,586
Damn it! This day
could not get any worse.
135
00:04:47,588 --> 00:04:50,088
(TIRES SCREECH)
Hey, kid,
take my clubs up front
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00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:51,356
and return this cart
for me.
137
00:04:51,358 --> 00:04:52,724
Oh, balls!
He thinks you work here.
138
00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:55,794
Told you something special
happens every time I dress up.
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00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,529
Whatever you're thinking,
no.
140
00:04:57,531 --> 00:04:59,131
But a random guy
just told us
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00:04:59,133 --> 00:05:01,900
to tear around the golf course
and jump stuff.
142
00:05:01,902 --> 00:05:02,567
He didn't say that at all.
143
00:05:02,569 --> 00:05:05,103
What do you think?
Should I go?
Tell me to go, and I'll so go.
144
00:05:05,105 --> 00:05:07,439
Know what? I'm done
looking out for you guys.
145
00:05:07,441 --> 00:05:08,273
What's that supposed to mean?
146
00:05:08,275 --> 00:05:10,008
It means next year,
I'm going to college
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00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:11,810
far, far away
from you jamokes.
148
00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:13,011
Consider this
a trial run.
149
00:05:13,013 --> 00:05:15,180
Your stupidity's
in your own hands.
150
00:05:15,182 --> 00:05:16,415
But that's a lot of pressure.
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00:05:16,417 --> 00:05:18,083
(HORN HONKING)
Adam, it has a horn!
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00:05:18,085 --> 00:05:18,583
A cute little horn!
153
00:05:18,585 --> 00:05:20,752
Oh, boy, here I go!
Thank you
for whatever you said.
154
00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:22,421
Let me honk the horn.
(HORN HONKS)
155
00:05:22,423 --> 00:05:24,122
(LAUGHS)
156
00:05:24,325 --> 00:05:26,692
¶ Dare, dare to believe you can survive
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Whoo!
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00:05:27,728 --> 00:05:29,494
I love being a badass!
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00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:32,164
I'm like Smokey and
the bandit!
160
00:05:32,166 --> 00:05:34,032
Whoo!
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00:05:34,034 --> 00:05:35,300
Aah!
162
00:05:36,270 --> 00:05:39,504
Fore! Whoo! Whoo!
163
00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:40,906
(LAUGHS)
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00:05:40,908 --> 00:05:43,975
ADULT ADAM: That day, fate was on our side.
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00:05:43,977 --> 00:05:44,609
Best day ever!
166
00:05:44,611 --> 00:05:47,045
Turns out, a little construction on the golf course
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00:05:47,047 --> 00:05:48,714
created the perfect ramp.
168
00:05:48,716 --> 00:05:51,683
Lucky for you,
it's about to get
a lot better!
169
00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:56,355
¶ Dare, dare to believe you can ¶
170
00:05:59,093 --> 00:06:01,193
Well, you were right.
171
00:06:01,195 --> 00:06:02,794
I could not jump it.
172
00:06:02,796 --> 00:06:05,063
We need Erica!
Go get Erica!
173
00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:06,131
Dude! You heard her.
174
00:06:06,133 --> 00:06:08,500
She's done dealing
with our awesome hijinks!
175
00:06:08,502 --> 00:06:09,835
I think this
is less hijinks
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00:06:09,837 --> 00:06:11,937
and more of a... felony.
177
00:06:11,939 --> 00:06:12,838
We should run.
178
00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:15,540
ADULT ADAM: While Barry and I ran from the law,
179
00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:19,177
my dad was ready to break out of his old habits.
180
00:06:19,179 --> 00:06:20,579
I've given this
a lot of thought.
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00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:22,948
I don't want you
to think of me as a lump.
182
00:06:22,950 --> 00:06:26,251
So if it'll make you happy,
183
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:27,352
I'll do a hobby.
184
00:06:27,354 --> 00:06:28,820
Oh, Murray,
that's such great news
185
00:06:28,822 --> 00:06:30,622
'cause I already got you
a hobby coach.
186
00:06:30,624 --> 00:06:32,657
What?
Well, I laid on the guilt
pretty thick.
187
00:06:32,659 --> 00:06:35,093
I knew you'd cave.
Dad, it's time!
188
00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:37,028
Do not parade your dad
out here.
189
00:06:37,030 --> 00:06:38,797
Don't do that.
Hey, hey.
190
00:06:38,799 --> 00:06:42,067
Who's ready to fill
his hobby hole?
191
00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:43,435
Okay, I don't have a hole.
192
00:06:43,437 --> 00:06:44,703
And if I did have a hole,
193
00:06:44,705 --> 00:06:46,138
I wouldn't want to fill it
with a hobby.
194
00:06:46,140 --> 00:06:47,839
Sure, you would.
Take it away, Dad.
195
00:06:47,841 --> 00:06:50,976
Okay, let's get
the hobby ball rolling
196
00:06:50,978 --> 00:06:54,146
with the greatest hobby
of them all...
197
00:06:54,148 --> 00:06:55,580
Music.
198
00:06:55,883 --> 00:06:59,584
(BANJO PLAYING)
¶ Won't you come home, Bill Bailey?
199
00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:01,653
¶ Won't you come home? ¶
200
00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:04,256
You got to
bang the bongos, Mur.
201
00:07:04,258 --> 00:07:06,024
I don't want to
bang the bongos!
202
00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:07,392
Just bang the bongos.
203
00:07:07,394 --> 00:07:08,827
I'm not banging
the bongos!
204
00:07:08,829 --> 00:07:11,363
Just give the bongos
a little bang.
205
00:07:11,365 --> 00:07:14,633
If you want the bongos
banged so bad,
you bang the bongos!
206
00:07:14,635 --> 00:07:19,771
How can I bang the bongos
if I'm playing Bill Bailey
on the banjo?
207
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:22,641
Murray, stop bickering
and bang the bongos!
208
00:07:22,643 --> 00:07:23,141
Aah!
209
00:07:23,143 --> 00:07:26,111
¶ Won't you come home, Bill Bailey?
210
00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:28,880
Hey, you got to bang
to the beat, Mur.
211
00:07:28,882 --> 00:07:30,582
You're not banging
to the beat.
212
00:07:30,584 --> 00:07:33,351
I'm trying the best I can!
This stinks.
213
00:07:33,353 --> 00:07:36,121
Maybe your hobby's
being an (BLEEP).
214
00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:37,055
What did you say?
215
00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:39,624
¶ Remember that rainy evening?
216
00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:41,293
¶ I sent you out ¶
217
00:07:41,295 --> 00:07:41,960
Okay, enough music.
218
00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:45,163
Clearly, this is something
I've got to get involved with.
219
00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:46,264
No, you don't!
220
00:07:46,266 --> 00:07:48,266
This brings me joy!
221
00:07:48,402 --> 00:07:50,268
Look, it's my hobby now.
222
00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:51,536
Come on, we'll find
a fun hobby
223
00:07:51,538 --> 00:07:55,106
that you and I can do
together,
like, uh, scrapbooking.
224
00:07:55,108 --> 00:07:56,208
Huh?
Jazzercise?
225
00:07:56,210 --> 00:07:57,576
Right.
Power walking?
226
00:07:57,578 --> 00:07:58,243
"Power walking"?
227
00:07:58,245 --> 00:08:00,745
Couponing?
Coupo... What the hell's...
228
00:08:00,747 --> 00:08:02,647
Well, what's that?
It's a way to save money.
229
00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:03,381
Oh. All right,
I'll do that one.
230
00:08:03,383 --> 00:08:06,551
Really? I mean,
there's so many better
things we could do
231
00:08:06,553 --> 00:08:08,086
where we'd be outside,
getting fresh air...
232
00:08:08,088 --> 00:08:09,988
No, I want to do the one
where we save money.
233
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:11,723
Fine, I guess it's couponing.
234
00:08:11,725 --> 00:08:14,426
(LAUGHS) Yay,
my husband has a hobby.
235
00:08:14,428 --> 00:08:17,596
I think I just got too
ambitious with the bongos.
236
00:08:17,598 --> 00:08:18,897
Would you be open to clapping?
237
00:08:18,899 --> 00:08:21,600
Al! I don't want to
make any more sounds!
238
00:08:21,602 --> 00:08:24,503
ADULT ADAM: As my dad decided his new hobby was saving money,
239
00:08:24,505 --> 00:08:26,938
Barry was coming up with a plan to save our butts.
240
00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:30,642
There it is,
gentlemen, the answer
to all our problems.
241
00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:31,710
Uh, how, exactly?
242
00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:34,779
Easy. We steal
Cecil the janitor's golf cart
243
00:08:34,781 --> 00:08:36,314
and replace the one we sunk.
244
00:08:36,316 --> 00:08:37,582
It's the perfect crime.
245
00:08:37,584 --> 00:08:39,150
But then
Cecil has no cart.
246
00:08:39,152 --> 00:08:40,018
Way ahead of you.
247
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:41,353
We then steal
another golf cart
248
00:08:41,355 --> 00:08:43,221
from a different country club
to replace Cecil's.
249
00:08:43,223 --> 00:08:46,224
But then wouldn't
the second golf course
be missing their cart?
250
00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:48,760
Which is why we steal
and replace golf carts
251
00:08:48,762 --> 00:08:51,563
several times a day for
the rest of our natural lives.
252
00:08:51,565 --> 00:08:52,297
Isn't that
a Ponzi scheme, bro?
253
00:08:52,299 --> 00:08:56,268
Fonzie has nothing to do
with this, Matthew.
He drives a motorcycle.
254
00:08:56,270 --> 00:08:58,803
Not a Fonzie scheme,
dude, Ponzi.
255
00:08:58,805 --> 00:09:00,639
And that's exactly
what this is.
256
00:09:00,641 --> 00:09:01,940
Not at all.
All we got to do
257
00:09:01,942 --> 00:09:05,410
is swipe hundreds,
if not thousands,
of golf carts
258
00:09:05,412 --> 00:09:07,712
to keep our scam alive
until we grow old
259
00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:08,580
and our children
take our place!
260
00:09:08,582 --> 00:09:12,050
You really need to go
to your sister about this.
On my way.
261
00:09:14,454 --> 00:09:15,720
Erica, I need your help!
262
00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:17,155
Bup, bup!
We discussed this!
263
00:09:17,157 --> 00:09:20,125
My days of looking
after you are done.
You're a man now, right?
264
00:09:20,127 --> 00:09:23,595
Thing is, in this case,
I feel more like
a scared little boy
265
00:09:23,597 --> 00:09:25,063
who needs his big sister.
266
00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:25,363
God, no!
267
00:09:25,365 --> 00:09:29,167
Just pretend it's next year
and I'm at college.
What do you do then?
268
00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:30,335
Call you
on a special red phone
269
00:09:30,337 --> 00:09:32,704
so you can rush home
and fix my dumb mistakes?
270
00:09:32,706 --> 00:09:33,905
Look at me.
271
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:34,839
There is no red phone.
272
00:09:34,841 --> 00:09:37,542
I am far away,
living an awesome life
without you.
273
00:09:37,544 --> 00:09:39,144
What about the house mother
in your sorority?
274
00:09:39,146 --> 00:09:41,813
Can she give you the message
between bikini tickle-fights?
275
00:09:41,815 --> 00:09:43,348
You really need
to stop watching
276
00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:44,616
USA Up All Night
boobie movies.
277
00:09:44,618 --> 00:09:48,520
So (SIGHS) you're not
gonna talk to me
when you're at college?
278
00:09:48,522 --> 00:09:50,855
No, but you'll see me
at Thanksgiving
279
00:09:50,857 --> 00:09:52,123
and when I
run out of money.
280
00:09:52,125 --> 00:09:54,993
I'm, like, reeling
right now.
You gave me no warning!
281
00:09:54,995 --> 00:09:58,129
I've been talking about
going to college
for the last four years!
282
00:09:58,131 --> 00:10:00,999
But it had no resonance
till this very moment!
283
00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:01,466
I'm okay with that.
284
00:10:01,468 --> 00:10:04,169
Please consider
forgoing college
and staying with me.
285
00:10:04,171 --> 00:10:05,270
That's so cute. No.
286
00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:06,137
Then you leave me
no choice.
287
00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:10,976
From this moment forth,
you are not the Erica
I need and depend on.
288
00:10:10,978 --> 00:10:12,777
Barry shall be my Erica!
289
00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:13,511
Here's a crazy idea.
290
00:10:13,513 --> 00:10:18,049
Why not make Adam
the Erica and just
figure it out yourself?
291
00:10:18,051 --> 00:10:18,283
Never!
292
00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:21,386
Barry will shepherd
and guide me through life
like a bright North Star,
293
00:10:21,388 --> 00:10:23,989
and from now on, I'm putting
all my trust and faith
294
00:10:23,991 --> 00:10:27,092
in Barry,
a.k.a. new Erica.
295
00:10:27,094 --> 00:10:27,792
Great news!
296
00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:31,463
I stole Cecil's cart
to replace the one we sunk.
297
00:10:31,465 --> 00:10:33,965
Our life of crime
begins now!
298
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:35,333
(SIGHS)
299
00:10:35,335 --> 00:10:37,002
Well, I guess that's my cue.
300
00:10:37,004 --> 00:10:38,436
Guess so.
301
00:10:38,438 --> 00:10:39,971
(EXHALES)
302
00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:45,944
ADULT ADAM: Our Fonzie/Ponzi scheme was in motion.
303
00:10:45,946 --> 00:10:49,848
Surprisingly, Barry's complex plan was coming together without a hitch.
304
00:10:49,850 --> 00:10:52,784
Okay, we're just gonna abandon
this thing by the clubhouse,
305
00:10:52,786 --> 00:10:54,619
and they'll never know
the difference.
306
00:10:54,621 --> 00:10:56,688
Wow. This plan
actually can work.
307
00:10:56,690 --> 00:10:57,989
I'm so glad
you're my new Erica.
308
00:10:57,991 --> 00:10:59,824
Your what?
I'm just saying,
with her ditching me,
309
00:10:59,826 --> 00:11:02,827
you're now entirely
responsible for
my future and safety.
310
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:04,963
Noice. Now, let's floor
this bad boy
311
00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:06,798
and jump that hill again.
312
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:09,200
Uh, not to second-guess you,
New Erica,
313
00:11:09,202 --> 00:11:11,903
but we've already tried this,
and it went real bad for us.
314
00:11:11,905 --> 00:11:14,773
But the new cart
is so much sleeker, Adam.
315
00:11:14,775 --> 00:11:16,241
It has a janitor broom
on the back
316
00:11:16,243 --> 00:11:18,443
that acts as a wing
to lift us to the heavens.
317
00:11:18,445 --> 00:11:20,512
There's no way you
believe that's real, right?
318
00:11:20,514 --> 00:11:22,414
Trust your New Erica.
319
00:11:22,649 --> 00:11:24,249
Time to taste the sky!
320
00:11:24,251 --> 00:11:30,689
¶ Dare, dare to believe you can survive ¶
321
00:11:32,225 --> 00:11:32,624
What happened?
322
00:11:32,626 --> 00:11:36,261
Why aren't we
triumphantly soaring through
the air like falcons?
323
00:11:36,263 --> 00:11:37,362
Thank God.
We bottomed out.
324
00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:39,998
Let's just leave the cart
and go home.
325
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:40,665
(SIGHS)
326
00:11:40,667 --> 00:11:43,134
Don't worry!
Big Tasty's got this.
327
00:11:43,136 --> 00:11:44,669
We just got to
jump on the back
328
00:11:44,671 --> 00:11:46,638
until it seesaws
out of here.
329
00:11:47,507 --> 00:11:48,907
One!
330
00:11:49,009 --> 00:11:50,141
Two!
331
00:11:50,143 --> 00:11:51,743
Oh, no!
332
00:11:51,745 --> 00:11:53,511
ADULT ADAM: And like most Fonzie schemes,
333
00:11:53,513 --> 00:11:56,014
this one collapsed lightning fast.
334
00:11:56,016 --> 00:11:56,915
I'm good.
Oh, God.
335
00:11:56,917 --> 00:11:59,451
I'm good.
You just got run over
by a golf cart!
336
00:11:59,453 --> 00:12:02,420
I'm good!
Why do you keep saying
you're good?
337
00:12:02,422 --> 00:12:04,489
There's no way you're good.
I'll go get Erica.
338
00:12:04,491 --> 00:12:06,391
No! I'm the Erica now.
339
00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:08,426
Listen to me closely.
340
00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:11,196
Go get Erica.
There's a golf cart on me.
341
00:12:11,198 --> 00:12:12,630
But you said
you were good!
342
00:12:12,632 --> 00:12:14,099
Go get her!
343
00:12:15,869 --> 00:12:17,902
(PHONE RINGS)
Yello?
344
00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:19,471
AUTOMATED VOICE: You have a collect call from...
345
00:12:19,473 --> 00:12:22,841
We're at the golf course.
Barry's pinned under a cart.
We need you!
346
00:12:22,843 --> 00:12:24,676
Do you accept the charges?
347
00:12:24,678 --> 00:12:26,945
Mmm... Nope.
348
00:12:27,047 --> 00:12:29,347
ADULT ADAM: As promised, Erica had abandoned us.
349
00:12:29,349 --> 00:12:32,717
Meanwhile, my dad was embracing his new couponing hobby.
350
00:12:32,719 --> 00:12:34,619
Of course, he'd need intensive training
351
00:12:34,621 --> 00:12:36,688
from the master of all bargain hunters.
352
00:12:36,690 --> 00:12:38,957
(SIGHS) Murray,
this is a big moment.
353
00:12:38,959 --> 00:12:42,494
I have never given
my coupon pouch
to another human person.
354
00:12:42,496 --> 00:12:43,762
I don't need it.
Look right here.
355
00:12:43,764 --> 00:12:46,631
Packaged pastrami,
with this circular,
two for one.
356
00:12:46,633 --> 00:12:48,933
And where'd you get that?
They were at
the front of the store.
357
00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:51,803
Yeah, because
the store circular
is a sucker's play.
358
00:12:51,805 --> 00:12:54,939
My babies do not
eat pastrami wrapped
in deadly plastic.
359
00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:57,709
Even better, they're
practically giving away
canned meats.
360
00:12:57,711 --> 00:12:59,844
ADULT ADAM: Once my dad felt the rush of saving money,
361
00:12:59,846 --> 00:13:02,781
the student quickly began to surpass the master.
362
00:13:02,783 --> 00:13:04,516
Whoo-hoo,
I got myself a hobby!
363
00:13:04,518 --> 00:13:06,718
But you're picking
all the wrong stuff.
364
00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:08,920
The point of couponing
is to find savings
365
00:13:08,922 --> 00:13:10,655
on things
you actually want.
366
00:13:10,657 --> 00:13:12,023
And I want to save money.
367
00:13:12,025 --> 00:13:14,425
Look at this.
They got canned bananas.
368
00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:17,829
You buy fives,
you get 10 free!
369
00:13:18,198 --> 00:13:20,365
Bananas don't need cans.
370
00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:21,299
They're wrapped by God!
371
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,434
ADULT ADAM: As my mom lost my dad to his new hobby,
372
00:13:23,436 --> 00:13:27,739
Erica found her new boyfriend had planned quite the surprise.
373
00:13:27,741 --> 00:13:28,740
Geoff, what's all this?
374
00:13:28,742 --> 00:13:32,877
As you know, I wanted to do
something really special
for our first official date.
375
00:13:32,879 --> 00:13:33,678
Yeah, we're going
to Red Lobster.
376
00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:36,147
Thing is, I didn't
realize we're smack
in the middle of Crabfest,
377
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:39,083
so they're booked solid.
Damn it.
It's April already?
378
00:13:39,085 --> 00:13:40,652
Seems like just yesterday,
it was Clamuary.
379
00:13:40,654 --> 00:13:43,087
I know how much
you had your heart set
on fancy seafood,
380
00:13:43,089 --> 00:13:46,558
so I scored some fresh
lobster for us to cook here.
381
00:13:46,560 --> 00:13:48,493
Oh, it'll be just like
Annie Hall!
382
00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:50,695
So cute and fun and...
What the hell are those?
383
00:13:50,697 --> 00:13:53,932
They're lake lobsters,
same tender meat
with half the salt.
384
00:13:53,934 --> 00:13:55,466
There's only two.
They're bite-sized.
385
00:13:55,468 --> 00:13:57,902
Yeah, they looked
bigger in the bed
of that pickup truck
386
00:13:57,904 --> 00:13:59,137
I bought them from.
It's fine.
387
00:13:59,139 --> 00:14:00,238
I had a big lunch.
Just cook 'em up.
388
00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:02,841
Um, I was kind of thinking
maybe you could touch them,
389
00:14:02,843 --> 00:14:05,009
because looking at them
makes my skin crawl.
390
00:14:05,011 --> 00:14:07,512
Ew, gross!
You're the boyfriend.
Just grab 'em and...
391
00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:08,980
Oh, no, one of them
is missing.
Aah!
392
00:14:08,982 --> 00:14:10,915
It must've scurried off!
He knew what we were planning!
393
00:14:10,917 --> 00:14:13,117
Really not what I had
in mind for our first date!
394
00:14:13,119 --> 00:14:14,919
(TELEPHONE RINGS)
Hello?
395
00:14:14,921 --> 00:14:17,255
AUTOMATED VOICE:
You have a collect call from...
396
00:14:17,257 --> 00:14:18,223
We need you!
397
00:14:18,225 --> 00:14:19,224
Do you accept the charges?
398
00:14:19,226 --> 00:14:21,726
We discussed this, Adam.
You're on your own.
399
00:14:21,728 --> 00:14:24,095
What was that about?
Eh, Barry's
pinned under a car
400
00:14:24,097 --> 00:14:25,797
or something.
Back to our date.
401
00:14:25,799 --> 00:14:27,265
I think you should
go help them.
402
00:14:27,267 --> 00:14:29,300
No! We had a decade
of terrible timing.
403
00:14:29,302 --> 00:14:32,003
I will not have our first date
ruined by my idiot brothers.
404
00:14:32,005 --> 00:14:35,440
Now, let's eat
these beach termites
and make some memories.
405
00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:38,243
Aah, it's on you!
Its pincers
are clamped on!
406
00:14:38,245 --> 00:14:40,245
What? Geoff, get it off!
407
00:14:40,247 --> 00:14:41,579
Get it off!
Geoff!
408
00:14:41,581 --> 00:14:43,147
Aah, it's clamped on
so good!
409
00:14:43,149 --> 00:14:44,682
Get it... Aah!
Aah!
410
00:14:44,684 --> 00:14:45,116
Ow, get it off!
411
00:14:45,118 --> 00:14:48,753
ADULT ADAM: Yes, Erica's romantic evening with Geoff was off the rails,
412
00:14:48,755 --> 00:14:52,056
and so was my dad's coupon clipping.
413
00:14:54,294 --> 00:14:55,460
What the hell's all this?
414
00:14:55,462 --> 00:14:57,028
You're looking
at our retirement.
415
00:14:57,030 --> 00:14:58,730
All right, no more
couponing for you.
416
00:14:58,732 --> 00:15:00,765
I want my pouch.
Give me my pouch.
417
00:15:00,767 --> 00:15:02,533
It wasn't big enough.
418
00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:04,068
We have
a savings satchel now.
419
00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:06,404
There is no such thing
as a savings satchel.
420
00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:07,972
Tell the ladies
at the Pick N' Save.
421
00:15:07,974 --> 00:15:10,208
All they could do
was look at my satchel.
422
00:15:10,210 --> 00:15:13,878
You went to the Pick N' Save
in Trenton?
423
00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:15,113
Have you lost your mind?
424
00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:16,214
What are you
so angry about?
425
00:15:16,216 --> 00:15:19,684
I'm finally into a hobby.
I thought you'd be happy.
426
00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:21,052
Happy?
427
00:15:21,054 --> 00:15:22,453
This can says "meat."
428
00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:24,722
There are no other
descriptive words.
429
00:15:24,724 --> 00:15:27,692
Meat! What more
do you need to know?
430
00:15:27,694 --> 00:15:28,793
Meat.
That's enough.
431
00:15:28,795 --> 00:15:30,628
I'm going
to my backup pouch.
432
00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:31,663
Whoa, whoa, hang on.
433
00:15:31,665 --> 00:15:32,997
What's in your purse?
Nothing.
434
00:15:32,999 --> 00:15:36,868
Is that quilted three-ply
premium toilet paper?
435
00:15:36,870 --> 00:15:39,370
Actually, it's four-ply.
436
00:15:39,372 --> 00:15:41,773
Four-ply?
That's three plys too many!
437
00:15:41,775 --> 00:15:45,176
No one uses one-ply,
Murray. No one.
438
00:15:45,178 --> 00:15:47,645
A person needs
at least two plys.
439
00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:49,580
What is this,
Falcon Crest?
440
00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:52,517
I've been a couponer
long enough to know
441
00:15:52,519 --> 00:15:55,053
that you paid
full price for this.
442
00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:56,387
I regret nothing.
443
00:15:56,389 --> 00:16:00,458
Your coarse single-ply
is sandpapering our tushies.
444
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:02,060
Poor Adam can barely walk.
445
00:16:02,062 --> 00:16:03,294
Single-ply builds character.
446
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:06,097
Let's just go back to
the way things were, okay?
447
00:16:06,099 --> 00:16:08,833
Back to you watching TV
and being comfortable.
448
00:16:08,835 --> 00:16:12,103
I thought you were embarrassed
by your dumb lump of a husband
449
00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:15,573
who doesn't go to plays
and doesn't go to museums
450
00:16:15,575 --> 00:16:17,942
and doesn't ride a bike
like some European.
451
00:16:17,944 --> 00:16:20,011
Well, I didn't mean it
like that.
452
00:16:20,013 --> 00:16:20,378
Yes, you did!
453
00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:24,115
You blocked that plaque
with your body
and you called me names
454
00:16:24,117 --> 00:16:25,450
and you hurt my feelings.
455
00:16:25,452 --> 00:16:28,786
Since when do your feelings
ever get hurt?
456
00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:30,922
Since now.
457
00:16:30,924 --> 00:16:35,760
All I was trying to do
was remind you
of the man you married.
458
00:16:35,762 --> 00:16:38,296
Guess I'm terrible
at that, too.
459
00:16:45,071 --> 00:16:48,639
ADULT ADAM: It had been an hour since Barry got pinned under a golf cart,
460
00:16:48,641 --> 00:16:50,508
and, well, he was still trapped.
461
00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:51,209
Aah, I'm wedged
even worse!
462
00:16:51,211 --> 00:16:55,513
In classic Barry fashion, each new plan was shoddier than the last.
463
00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:56,280
Okay. Here's the plan.
464
00:16:56,282 --> 00:17:00,051
I need you to dig down
and use a sudden burst
of super strength
465
00:17:00,053 --> 00:17:01,486
to pull this cart off me.
466
00:17:01,488 --> 00:17:02,887
Wha... I don't
have super strength!
467
00:17:02,889 --> 00:17:06,424
Come on, it's like when a mom
pulls a car off her kid!
468
00:17:06,426 --> 00:17:08,326
I can do this!
Save baby Barry.
469
00:17:08,328 --> 00:17:11,996
I'm a mama, and you're
my scrumptious little boopie!
470
00:17:12,732 --> 00:17:13,865
(GRUNTING)
471
00:17:13,867 --> 00:17:14,766
Oh, no.
It's working?
472
00:17:14,768 --> 00:17:18,136
How do you get "It's working"
from "Oh, no"?
473
00:17:18,138 --> 00:17:19,070
I split my pants.
474
00:17:19,072 --> 00:17:21,906
Ha! Get over here
and show me your butt
475
00:17:21,908 --> 00:17:23,174
so I can call you
a lame nerd.
476
00:17:23,176 --> 00:17:25,877
No time.
I got to fix this.
Come on, think.
477
00:17:25,879 --> 00:17:27,678
What would Erica do?
Think. What would Erica do?
478
00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:31,849
ADULT ADAM: Lucky for me, Erica was always there when I needed her most.
479
00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:34,552
Erica would say,
"Move aside," 'cause she's
gonna take care of it.
480
00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:35,553
Who's saying that?
Is that Erica?
481
00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:38,990
Why are you here?
I thought you got into college
and were done helping.
482
00:17:38,992 --> 00:17:41,859
True, but then I figured,
eh, probably shouldn't
483
00:17:41,861 --> 00:17:43,995
let Barry get crushed
under a golf cart.
484
00:17:43,997 --> 00:17:46,297
Answer me!
Is that Erica talking?
485
00:17:46,299 --> 00:17:48,099
ADULT ADAM:
It was Erica, all right.
486
00:17:48,101 --> 00:17:49,400
(WHISTLES)
487
00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:50,368
And she wasn't alone.
488
00:17:50,370 --> 00:17:51,969
If there was one thing our sister was good at,
489
00:17:51,971 --> 00:17:56,007
it was knowing how to bail her little brothers out of trouble.
490
00:17:56,009 --> 00:17:57,575
Answer me.
Is it Erica?
491
00:17:57,577 --> 00:17:59,310
And that day, she knew the answer would be
492
00:17:59,312 --> 00:18:01,245
to bring in the reinforcements.
493
00:18:01,247 --> 00:18:02,580
JTP, do your thing.
494
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:04,649
You know it.
Let's do this!
495
00:18:04,651 --> 00:18:06,551
(JTP GRUNTING)
496
00:18:07,821 --> 00:18:11,622
I knew it!
I'm unbreakable! JTP.
497
00:18:11,624 --> 00:18:13,424
ALL: JTP!
(CHEERING)
498
00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:14,759
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
don't celebrate yet.
499
00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:18,096
Andy, Matt, Naked Rob,
go to the lake
and pull out the old cart.
500
00:18:18,098 --> 00:18:19,297
Roger that.
Copy.
Let's move.
501
00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:22,133
Barry, return Cecil's
cart to school
before he gets fired.
502
00:18:22,135 --> 00:18:23,901
That seems fair!
Geoff, go to Red Lobster
503
00:18:23,903 --> 00:18:25,503
and book a booth
by the window.
504
00:18:25,505 --> 00:18:27,105
Yes, my love!
505
00:18:27,407 --> 00:18:27,905
What about me?
506
00:18:27,907 --> 00:18:30,908
You're good just being
my annoying little brother.
507
00:18:31,411 --> 00:18:32,810
Thanks.
508
00:18:32,812 --> 00:18:35,980
You know, I'm really gonna
miss you next year.
509
00:18:37,383 --> 00:18:39,317
Me, too.
Really?
510
00:18:39,319 --> 00:18:39,951
Yeah.
511
00:18:39,953 --> 00:18:44,755
No matter where I end up,
I'll always be your sister.
512
00:18:44,757 --> 00:18:47,558
(NENA'S 99 LUFTBALLONS
PLAYING)
513
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:49,627
(TIRES SCREECH)
514
00:18:51,264 --> 00:18:53,831
Don't worry!
I'll just jump on the back.
515
00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:56,701
Let me be the Erica
and handle it!
516
00:18:58,505 --> 00:18:59,937
ADULT ADAM: In the end, my sister realized
517
00:18:59,939 --> 00:19:03,374
the best thing she could do was cherish the time she had left with us.
518
00:19:03,376 --> 00:19:08,946
And my mom, she realized she had to cherish my dad for who he was.
519
00:19:08,948 --> 00:19:10,114
Hey, can we talk?
520
00:19:10,116 --> 00:19:13,251
About what? I'm doing
what you asked me to do.
I'm sitting in my chair.
521
00:19:13,253 --> 00:19:17,321
Murray, the last thing
I'd ever want to do
is hurt your feelings.
522
00:19:17,323 --> 00:19:18,322
Well, you were right.
523
00:19:18,324 --> 00:19:21,626
Look at me.
I'm not the same man
you married.
524
00:19:21,628 --> 00:19:24,896
No. You're better.
525
00:19:29,469 --> 00:19:30,835
Look at me.
I got hobbies.
526
00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:33,938
"Checking the thermostat,
closing the windows,
527
00:19:33,940 --> 00:19:35,673
"making sure
the gas tank is full."
528
00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:40,144
And, of course, being a dad,
being my husband.
529
00:19:40,146 --> 00:19:40,878
Those aren't hobbies.
530
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:42,313
Well, they're the only ones
that matter to me.
531
00:19:42,315 --> 00:19:46,083
ADULT ADAM:
And so my dad went back to the hobbies he did best,
532
00:19:46,085 --> 00:19:47,084
like checking the thermostat...
533
00:19:47,086 --> 00:19:50,054
Which one of you morons
cranked the heat up to 55?
534
00:19:50,056 --> 00:19:52,023
Making sure the gas tank was full...
535
00:19:52,025 --> 00:19:53,991
Look at the gas gauge!
Look at it!
536
00:19:53,993 --> 00:19:56,060
Napping in his chair...
537
00:19:56,062 --> 00:19:56,527
(SNORES)
538
00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:59,764
And yelling at us for sliding around in our socks.
539
00:19:59,766 --> 00:20:01,165
Knock it off, you moron!
540
00:20:01,167 --> 00:20:02,400
That's the thing about family.
541
00:20:02,402 --> 00:20:05,703
It means you're always there to bail them out of trouble.
542
00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:06,070
Aah!
543
00:20:06,072 --> 00:20:08,139
But it also means that sometimes...
544
00:20:08,141 --> 00:20:10,208
You guys are
balloon ball amateurs.
545
00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:12,009
You got to jump in and join the fun.
546
00:20:12,011 --> 00:20:17,615
And sure, life will hand you ups, downs, hits, misses,
547
00:20:17,617 --> 00:20:18,683
and unexpected dives,
548
00:20:18,685 --> 00:20:19,750
but the one thing that's for sure,
549
00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:24,455
when you're with family, there's bound to be plenty of surprises.
550
00:20:24,457 --> 00:20:28,092
Murray?
Oh, my God!
551
00:20:28,094 --> 00:20:29,393
Dad on a bike.
552
00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:30,928
What do you know?
553
00:20:30,930 --> 00:20:31,829
Come on, slowpoke.
554
00:20:31,831 --> 00:20:34,465
'Cause in the end, life's better when you have
555
00:20:34,467 --> 00:20:37,401
your loved ones around for the ride.
556
00:20:40,106 --> 00:20:43,341
I got it, I got it!
Oh...
557
00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:48,412
I'm good, I'm good.
558
00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:51,015
I'm good. I'm good.
559
00:20:51,017 --> 00:20:51,916
(LAUGHTER)
560
00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:53,484
I'm good, I'm good!
561
00:20:53,486 --> 00:20:55,853
I'm good. I'm good.
562
00:20:57,857 --> 00:21:01,359
¶ Remember that rainy evening?
563
00:21:01,361 --> 00:21:03,194
¶ I sent you out
564
00:21:03,196 --> 00:21:07,932
¶ With nothing but a fine-tooth comb
565
00:21:07,934 --> 00:21:10,468
¶ Oh, lo-lo-lo-lo
566
00:21:10,470 --> 00:21:13,437
¶ Know I'm to blame
567
00:21:13,439 --> 00:21:15,239
¶ Ain't it a shame?
568
00:21:15,241 --> 00:21:18,776
¶ Bill Bailey, won't you please come?
569
00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:21,412
¶ Bailey, won't you please come?
570
00:21:21,414 --> 00:21:27,785
¶ Bailey, won't you please come on home? ¶
571
00:21:27,787 --> 00:21:29,787
(SNORING)
51090
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