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1
00:00:00,267 --> 00:00:01,533
ADULT ADAM:
Back in the '80s,
2
00:00:01,535 --> 00:00:03,002
my best friend was my grandfather.
3
00:00:03,004 --> 00:00:04,336
If there was something awesome to do,
4
00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:05,871
I was gonna tackle it with Pops,
5
00:00:05,873 --> 00:00:07,873
and that week, that awesome thing would be
6
00:00:07,875 --> 00:00:11,276
the most hyped movie of our time... Batman.
7
00:00:11,278 --> 00:00:11,677
Pops...
Oh.
8
00:00:11,679 --> 00:00:14,613
I have the biggest news
in your 80-some years of life.
9
00:00:14,615 --> 00:00:18,851
A Batman movie's coming out,
and it's going to be awesome!
10
00:00:18,853 --> 00:00:19,852
Batm'n? I'm in!
11
00:00:19,854 --> 00:00:23,555
Me and your dad
loved the old
Adam West TV show.
12
00:00:23,557 --> 00:00:24,023
Didn't we, Murray?
13
00:00:24,025 --> 00:00:26,525
(IMITATES ADAM WEST)
It appears to me,
Commissioner Gordon,
14
00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:31,797
that the Joker, Riddler,
and the Catwoman
have escaped.
15
00:00:31,799 --> 00:00:33,198
What is that?
What is he doing?
16
00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:34,666
I think that's Adam West
as Batm'n.
17
00:00:34,668 --> 00:00:41,340
Your inability to identify
this spot-on impression
is criminal.
18
00:00:41,342 --> 00:00:44,209
Come on. Let's go see
Adam West on the big screen
19
00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:45,978
before your dad
ruins it forever!
20
00:00:45,980 --> 00:00:48,080
Actually, the new movie
stars Michael Keaton.
21
00:00:48,082 --> 00:00:50,682
The guy who plays
Beetle-Buzz?
Beetlejuice.
22
00:00:50,684 --> 00:00:52,251
Beetle-Jazz
can't be Batm'n.
23
00:00:52,253 --> 00:00:56,255
There is only one
Caped Crusader,
and that is me.
24
00:00:56,257 --> 00:00:58,624
Stop it!
Why is he doing
that weird voice?
25
00:00:58,626 --> 00:00:59,992
'Cause we're going
to see Batman.
26
00:00:59,994 --> 00:01:01,727
I've been waiting
to see that for months!
27
00:01:01,729 --> 00:01:04,830
I'm gonna grab my coat
and pound a couple of Jolts.
28
00:01:04,832 --> 00:01:06,031
I wanna make sure
I'm really wired
29
00:01:06,033 --> 00:01:08,033
when I yell things
back at the screen.
30
00:01:08,035 --> 00:01:10,669
It appears the Batcave
is all mine
31
00:01:10,671 --> 00:01:15,407
to watch the Bat-Television
in my Bat-Underpants.
32
00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:17,042
Stop it!
Come on. Let's go.
33
00:01:17,044 --> 00:01:20,245
To the Batmobile!
To the Bat-Recliner.
34
00:01:20,748 --> 00:01:21,947
Ah!
35
00:01:22,516 --> 00:01:23,849
Oh, man.
This is awesome.
36
00:01:23,851 --> 00:01:27,352
Great movie,
great seats, great snacks.
37
00:01:27,354 --> 00:01:29,521
Doesn't get any better
than this.
38
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:32,057
Is that seat taken?
39
00:01:32,059 --> 00:01:33,225
Is that seat taken?
40
00:01:33,227 --> 00:01:34,226
(GROANS) Okay.
41
00:01:34,228 --> 00:01:35,894
Oh, no, it's Barry!
42
00:01:35,896 --> 00:01:36,662
Is that seat taken?
43
00:01:36,664 --> 00:01:39,198
We invited Barry
and forgot all about him.
44
00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:41,500
Technically,
he invited himself...
Is that seat taken?
45
00:01:41,502 --> 00:01:42,201
...so I feel no remorse.
46
00:01:42,203 --> 00:01:44,937
Yo! Can you
move your wheelchair
so I can sit there?
47
00:01:44,939 --> 00:01:48,640
Come on.
He's your brother.
We got to say sorry.
48
00:01:48,642 --> 00:01:49,775
Is that seat taken?
Do we?
49
00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:52,744
Is that seat taken?
I mean, everything
is so perfect right now.
50
00:01:52,746 --> 00:01:54,379
That seat taken?
That seat's taken, too.
51
00:01:54,381 --> 00:01:58,083
It's just one little "sorry."
He'll understand.
52
00:01:58,085 --> 00:01:59,251
What the hell?
53
00:01:59,253 --> 00:02:02,621
You guys ditched me,
now I'm walking around
like a schmuck,
54
00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:03,555
begging strangers
to move over?
55
00:02:03,557 --> 00:02:06,892
We were just so excited
to see the movie.
You get it.
56
00:02:06,894 --> 00:02:07,726
I don't get it!
57
00:02:07,728 --> 00:02:10,796
Where's my seat?
I think there's a couple
seats in the front row.
58
00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:13,565
So you expect me
to sit alone
in the front row,
59
00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:16,602
craning my neck up
at the giant screen
like putz-bag?
60
00:02:16,604 --> 00:02:17,936
You don't have to do it
like a putz-bag.
61
00:02:17,938 --> 00:02:22,508
No way.
It's only fair if we all sit
in the terrible front row.
62
00:02:22,510 --> 00:02:23,842
Pfft. How is that fair?
63
00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:26,445
Two words... Family.
64
00:02:29,283 --> 00:02:31,750
Okay, look,
the movie's about to start.
65
00:02:31,752 --> 00:02:35,787
Just sit up there, and...
And we'll meet up afterwards.
66
00:02:35,789 --> 00:02:36,054
Fine!
67
00:02:36,056 --> 00:02:39,558
But this is the worst thing
that anyone has ever
done to me.
68
00:02:41,362 --> 00:02:42,561
¶ I'm twisted up inside
69
00:02:42,563 --> 00:02:46,999
¶ But nonetheless I feel the need to say
70
00:02:48,869 --> 00:02:49,768
¶ I don't know the future
71
00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:53,372
¶ But the past keeps getting clearer every day ¶
72
00:02:53,374 --> 00:02:55,507
ADULT ADAM: It was April 5th, 1980-something.
73
00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:58,277
My sister's senior year was cruising right along,
74
00:02:58,279 --> 00:02:59,411
until this happened.
75
00:02:59,413 --> 00:03:00,879
Question...
What is this garbage?
76
00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:04,516
Oh, goodie! You got
your college interview
for Penn State!
77
00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:06,351
Thing is,
I didn't schedule it,
78
00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:06,818
and I'm not going.
79
00:03:06,820 --> 00:03:09,254
Carnegie Mellon is
the only school I care about.
80
00:03:09,256 --> 00:03:10,789
Well, you always
need a backup.
81
00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:12,491
That's why I always
bake two pies,
82
00:03:12,493 --> 00:03:14,993
in case Murray eats one
while sleepwalking.
83
00:03:14,995 --> 00:03:16,562
Mom, if I don't get into CMU,
84
00:03:16,564 --> 00:03:17,629
then I'm just gonna
skip college
85
00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:19,364
to busk on the street
like a true artist.
86
00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:21,200
So, what am I supposed
to tell people?
87
00:03:21,202 --> 00:03:24,036
"Oh, there's my daughter,
singing next to a hobo
88
00:03:24,038 --> 00:03:26,038
"who's going pishy
on another hobo."
89
00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:27,940
Penn State is amazing!
90
00:03:27,942 --> 00:03:31,376
That place made your father
everything he is today.
91
00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:32,544
Bevy.
92
00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:33,812
I lost another hot dog.
93
00:03:33,814 --> 00:03:35,547
What? Why does this
keep happening?
94
00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:37,749
I guess 'cause my, uh,
gesturing hand
95
00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:39,484
is also my
hot-dog-holding hand.
96
00:03:39,486 --> 00:03:41,286
I think my point here
is proven.
97
00:03:41,288 --> 00:03:42,321
Murray, your daughter thinks
98
00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:44,957
she's too good to go
to her Penn State interview.
99
00:03:44,959 --> 00:03:47,593
Let's get something straight,
little missy.
100
00:03:47,595 --> 00:03:48,727
Graduating from Penn State
101
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:51,330
is the greatest accomplishment
of my life.
102
00:03:51,332 --> 00:03:53,599
Too bad, Dad. I'm going
to Carnegie Mellon.
103
00:03:53,601 --> 00:03:55,000
You are going
to Penn State.
104
00:03:55,002 --> 00:03:57,803
It is cheaper,
it's more affordable,
105
00:03:57,805 --> 00:03:58,604
and it costs less!
106
00:03:58,606 --> 00:04:00,439
That's the same thing
said three different ways!
107
00:04:00,441 --> 00:04:04,343
Well, if it's
good enough for me,
it's good enough for you.
108
00:04:04,345 --> 00:04:05,277
Okay, fine.
109
00:04:05,279 --> 00:04:06,211
I guess I didn't realize
110
00:04:06,213 --> 00:04:07,746
how important
this was to you.
111
00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:08,647
I promise to take
112
00:04:08,649 --> 00:04:10,349
my Penn State
interview seriously.
113
00:04:10,351 --> 00:04:11,850
ADULT ADAM: By "seriously", my sister meant
114
00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:14,152
"intentionally tank" her Penn State interview.
115
00:04:14,154 --> 00:04:16,121
Yo, dude!
Sorry I'm two hours late.
116
00:04:16,123 --> 00:04:17,889
Uh, well, three.
(CHUCKLES)
117
00:04:17,891 --> 00:04:19,858
No worries.
Come on in!
118
00:04:20,361 --> 00:04:22,794
Oh! Two points!
119
00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:23,762
Oh! Wow.
120
00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:26,198
There's not even a trash can
there. (CHUCKLES)
121
00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:27,099
Have a seat. (CLEARS THROAT)
122
00:04:27,101 --> 00:04:30,335
I'm Kyle Schnitz, and it is
very nice to meet you.
123
00:04:30,337 --> 00:04:31,436
My favorite part
of being an alum
124
00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:35,574
is getting to interview
all kinds of great students.
125
00:04:35,576 --> 00:04:36,541
Oh, full disclosure.
126
00:04:36,543 --> 00:04:38,644
I'm not so much a, uh,
great student
127
00:04:38,646 --> 00:04:40,345
as I am a cheater.
I'm sorry.
128
00:04:40,347 --> 00:04:42,014
Aw! That's a cute dog
you got there.
129
00:04:42,016 --> 00:04:45,450
Oh. Uh, thank you.
Yes, that's Ruffles.
He's a rescue.
130
00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:46,852
No, I'm talking
about your wife.
131
00:04:46,854 --> 00:04:49,688
Boom! Upstairs!
(CHUCKLES)
132
00:04:50,157 --> 00:04:52,491
Just gonna leave me
hanging like that?
133
00:04:52,493 --> 00:04:53,025
Lame.
134
00:04:53,027 --> 00:04:55,927
Let's just forge onward,
shall we? Um, so...
135
00:04:55,929 --> 00:04:59,131
What programs at Penn State
are you most excited to...
136
00:04:59,133 --> 00:05:00,799
Oh, my!
What are you doing?
137
00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:03,568
(MUFFLED) Taking on this
meatball sub like a champ.
138
00:05:03,570 --> 00:05:05,070
Want some, Kenny?
It's... Kyle.
139
00:05:05,072 --> 00:05:08,040
Uh, would you please
not get sauce all over my...
140
00:05:08,042 --> 00:05:09,708
Gah! Damn it!
That's my name placard!
141
00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:12,778
All right. Let me, uh,
cut to the chase here, Kyle.
142
00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:16,181
I am one hell of a singer.
I mean, check out these pipes.
143
00:05:16,183 --> 00:05:17,449
(CLEARS THROAT)
144
00:05:17,451 --> 00:05:21,753
¶ Kyle Schnitz smells like farts
145
00:05:21,755 --> 00:05:25,390
¶ Oh, stinky, stinky farts ¶
146
00:05:25,392 --> 00:05:27,159
That was right off
the top of the dome.
147
00:05:27,161 --> 00:05:27,959
And interview over!
148
00:05:27,961 --> 00:05:29,461
ADULT ADAM: The only thing more uncomfortable
149
00:05:29,463 --> 00:05:33,065
than Erica's interview was Barry's seat at the movie.
150
00:05:35,469 --> 00:05:36,935
Wait till they get a load of me.
151
00:05:36,937 --> 00:05:40,872
What's happening?
This isn't like
the TV show at all.
152
00:05:40,874 --> 00:05:42,541
I know!
It's so awesome!
153
00:05:42,543 --> 00:05:44,009
ADULT ADAM:
He certainly was to me.
154
00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:47,579
But to Pops, his Batman was from the old TV show.
155
00:05:47,581 --> 00:05:48,080
This is crazy.
156
00:05:48,082 --> 00:05:51,083
You really think Adam West
is the better Batman?
157
00:05:51,085 --> 00:05:51,850
He's the only Batm'n.
158
00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:55,620
And this new fancy movie
forgot the best part!
159
00:05:55,622 --> 00:05:59,925
Where were the
"POWs" and "BAMs"
when Batm'n socks the Joker?
160
00:05:59,927 --> 00:06:03,028
I'm not so sure
you need to see
big cartoon words
161
00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:04,162
when Bat punches a dude.
162
00:06:04,164 --> 00:06:05,297
We'll just watch
the old show,
163
00:06:05,299 --> 00:06:07,065
and then you'll see
what I'm talking about.
164
00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:08,633
Well, no matter
which Batman is better,
165
00:06:08,635 --> 00:06:11,670
at least we can agree
we had an awesome day
together.
166
00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:13,939
(CLATTERING)
167
00:06:13,941 --> 00:06:17,843
What the hell?
168
00:06:17,845 --> 00:06:18,877
Oh, no.
Balls.
169
00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:19,878
Balls is right, man!
170
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:22,914
Who exactly are you
talking to right now?
You!
171
00:06:22,916 --> 00:06:25,350
My neck is just jacked up
from sitting in the front row.
172
00:06:25,352 --> 00:06:28,954
We were bickering
about Batm'n,
and forgot you were up there.
173
00:06:28,956 --> 00:06:32,791
But this always happens!
You two do everything
without me!
174
00:06:32,793 --> 00:06:34,292
Well, I know
this looks bad,
175
00:06:34,294 --> 00:06:37,262
but we never leave you
out of the fun!
176
00:06:37,264 --> 00:06:38,430
(OVEN TIMER DINGS)
What was that?
177
00:06:38,432 --> 00:06:39,698
Nothing.
What's in the oven, dudes?
178
00:06:39,700 --> 00:06:41,466
Don't look in the oven,
Barry.
You better not be doing
179
00:06:41,468 --> 00:06:43,301
what I think you're doing.
Don't look in the oven!
180
00:06:43,303 --> 00:06:47,439
I'm going to the oven!
I'm looking inside!
181
00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:50,609
Oh, my God!
182
00:06:50,878 --> 00:06:55,113
You two made
Batman Shrinky Dinks...
183
00:06:55,215 --> 00:06:56,381
Without me?
184
00:06:56,383 --> 00:06:59,785
You know I live
for shrinking dinks.
185
00:06:59,787 --> 00:07:01,720
We know that.
Everyone knows that!
186
00:07:01,722 --> 00:07:04,589
There's only two
shrunken dinks, man!
187
00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:06,591
Not three dinks.
Just two!
188
00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:10,829
Yeah, 'cause it's
one dink for me
and one dink for you.
189
00:07:10,831 --> 00:07:14,132
Don't! Just don't.
190
00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:15,267
(OVEN DOOR CLOSES)
191
00:07:15,269 --> 00:07:17,269
You're gonna pay for this.
192
00:07:17,271 --> 00:07:19,771
Oh, Barry, come back.
193
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,306
You can have my dink.
194
00:07:21,308 --> 00:07:24,643
You can have my dink,
Barry!
195
00:07:24,645 --> 00:07:25,444
BEVERLY: Murray!
196
00:07:25,446 --> 00:07:27,813
Your daughter has
some huge news!
197
00:07:27,815 --> 00:07:29,648
Erica, tell your father
all about...
198
00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:31,249
Okay, I can't
stand it anymore!
199
00:07:31,251 --> 00:07:34,085
She said she killed
in her interview... Killed!
200
00:07:34,087 --> 00:07:35,353
Whoo-hoo!
That's my peanut!
201
00:07:35,355 --> 00:07:38,356
Yep! I really
made an impression
on the Penn State guy.
202
00:07:38,358 --> 00:07:40,225
Like, he's never
gonna forget me.
203
00:07:40,227 --> 00:07:43,462
(LAUGHING) Oh, my God.
I'm so happy, I could (BLEEP)
204
00:07:43,464 --> 00:07:45,297
That's actually, uh,
good timing,
205
00:07:45,299 --> 00:07:49,234
'cause Carnegie Mellon
just sent you a letter,
206
00:07:49,236 --> 00:07:50,702
and it's kind of thin.
207
00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:52,103
Oh, no! It is thin!
208
00:07:52,105 --> 00:07:54,706
If they said yes,
they wouldn't send
the thin one!
209
00:07:54,708 --> 00:07:56,475
Wait. Maybe they, uh,
just sent a pre-letter
210
00:07:56,477 --> 00:07:59,110
to tell me that
the thick one's
on the way, and...
211
00:07:59,112 --> 00:08:01,046
Son of a bitch!
212
00:08:01,048 --> 00:08:02,180
I got rejected!
213
00:08:02,182 --> 00:08:04,316
Carnegie Mellon
rejected my baby?
214
00:08:04,318 --> 00:08:06,651
(SCOFFS) Well, I'm never
buying another melon!
215
00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:11,056
From this moment on,
this family eats
tree fruits only.
216
00:08:11,058 --> 00:08:12,757
No more scoopable fruits.
You hear me?
217
00:08:12,759 --> 00:08:15,160
Good news, though.
You got your backup.
218
00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:18,930
Yes! That is good news,
that I have a backup.
219
00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:21,533
Murray's an alum,
and you will be, too.
220
00:08:21,535 --> 00:08:23,268
Penn State is happening.
221
00:08:23,270 --> 00:08:24,936
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
222
00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:28,206
Well, um...
I have to go for, uh...
223
00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:30,475
For a reason
I can't think of right now,
224
00:08:30,477 --> 00:08:32,644
but it's real, so bye.
225
00:08:34,348 --> 00:08:36,414
Hey!
Oh, no! She's back.
226
00:08:36,416 --> 00:08:39,518
It's okay! It's me,
Erica Goldberg.
227
00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:40,886
Uh, yeah. I remember.
228
00:08:40,888 --> 00:08:45,657
I'm going to my car now,
and my secretary knows
I'm down here.
229
00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:48,393
Wait. No. Don't
walk away from me.
230
00:08:48,762 --> 00:08:49,461
Or run!
231
00:08:49,463 --> 00:08:50,662
Don't make me
chase you, Schnitz!
232
00:08:50,664 --> 00:08:52,631
Oh, God. My secretary
has no idea where I am.
233
00:08:52,633 --> 00:08:54,132
I slipped out to go
to my pottery class!
234
00:08:54,134 --> 00:08:56,735
Look, I know
I messed up my interview,
235
00:08:56,737 --> 00:08:57,569
but I have my reasons!
236
00:08:57,571 --> 00:08:59,671
I only tanked it
on purpose out of spite!
237
00:08:59,673 --> 00:09:01,473
That's even worse
than being crazy.
238
00:09:01,475 --> 00:09:02,974
I'm not crazy,
and this proves it!
239
00:09:02,976 --> 00:09:05,243
Look at my teacher
recommendations!
(CAR ENGINE STARTS)
240
00:09:05,245 --> 00:09:07,445
Just look at them!
Damn it!
241
00:09:07,447 --> 00:09:09,915
You are nuts, lady!
And I have good SATs! Ow!
242
00:09:09,917 --> 00:09:12,450
I need to get a will.
And I played soccer
in the 10th grade!
243
00:09:12,452 --> 00:09:16,254
I was also
Model U.N. Treasurer!
(TIRES SQUEAL)
244
00:09:18,825 --> 00:09:19,324
I think that helped.
245
00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:22,360
ADULT ADAM: With that, Erica officially lost her backup school.
246
00:09:22,362 --> 00:09:24,629
Meanwhile, Pops was giving me an education
247
00:09:24,631 --> 00:09:26,498
on the old version of Batman.
248
00:09:26,500 --> 00:09:28,767
See that?
It's a camera trick.
249
00:09:28,769 --> 00:09:32,037
Th... They shoot it sideways.
Yeah, I got it.
250
00:09:32,039 --> 00:09:33,705
Now, this is Batm'n!
251
00:09:33,707 --> 00:09:34,739
ADULT ADAM: Little did I know,
252
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:36,641
my scorned brother was lurking in the shadows
253
00:09:36,643 --> 00:09:39,044
and planning a dastardly revenge plot to ensure
254
00:09:39,046 --> 00:09:42,514
that me and my grandfather would never forget him again.
255
00:09:42,516 --> 00:09:44,382
(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)
256
00:09:44,384 --> 00:09:45,850
(LAUGHS EVILLY)
257
00:09:46,787 --> 00:09:48,019
What?
258
00:09:48,021 --> 00:09:49,454
ADULT ADAM:
Like the Joker himself,
259
00:09:49,456 --> 00:09:50,322
Barry set a treacherous trap
260
00:09:50,324 --> 00:09:52,791
that would destroy the dynamic duo forever.
261
00:09:52,793 --> 00:09:55,994
Adam! Come quick!
It's an emergency!
262
00:09:57,431 --> 00:09:59,264
Oh! Thanks
for dropping by.
263
00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:00,732
You said
it was an emergency.
264
00:10:00,734 --> 00:10:02,767
A hang-with-my-bro
emergency.
265
00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:04,669
Here, have a seat.
266
00:10:05,172 --> 00:10:06,371
No!
267
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:08,440
This chair.
268
00:10:09,876 --> 00:10:12,177
And action...
269
00:10:12,179 --> 00:10:13,511
Is my favorite
movie genre.
270
00:10:13,513 --> 00:10:18,483
Which reminds me,
I saw you watching that
old Batman TV show.
271
00:10:18,485 --> 00:10:19,517
Pops was right.
272
00:10:19,519 --> 00:10:21,119
Adam West is better
than Keaton.
273
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,655
Pops doesn't know
the first thing
about Batman.
274
00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:26,625
He doesn't even say it right.
He says "Batm'n."
275
00:10:26,627 --> 00:10:28,893
But you told Pops
you love his show.
276
00:10:28,895 --> 00:10:30,829
It kind of sounds like
you lied to his face.
277
00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:34,165
I had to. It's just...
It's so corny!
278
00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:34,966
Say it louder.
279
00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:36,601
I mean,
it made no sense at all.
280
00:10:36,603 --> 00:10:38,069
They had a bat-calendar.
281
00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:40,205
Move more into the light.
And bat shark repellant?
282
00:10:40,207 --> 00:10:44,242
Why would a superhero
even have that
on his utility belt? Why?
283
00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:46,878
So you don't just
reject Pops' Batman.
284
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:49,514
You reject Pops
as a human old person?
285
00:10:49,516 --> 00:10:50,782
Nah, I'm just humoring him.
286
00:10:50,784 --> 00:10:54,419
All that old-timey stuff he
likes, it's just not for me.
287
00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:55,120
And cut.
288
00:10:55,122 --> 00:10:56,821
Why would you say that?
No reason.
289
00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:57,822
I always like our talks.
290
00:10:57,824 --> 00:10:59,524
Go away now.
Come on. Come on.
291
00:10:59,526 --> 00:11:01,660
ADULT ADAM:
And with that, my brother had everything he needed
292
00:11:01,662 --> 00:11:06,564
to become a villain that could even rival Jack Nicholson's Joker.
293
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:08,099
Wait till they
get a load of me.
294
00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:11,269
What'd you say?
Nothing! Go away now!
295
00:11:12,939 --> 00:11:14,706
Wait till they
get a load of...
296
00:11:14,708 --> 00:11:18,209
Nope. Moment's passed.
Damn it.
297
00:11:19,613 --> 00:11:22,881
ADULT ADAM:
It had been a day since my sister's Penn State disaster,
298
00:11:22,883 --> 00:11:26,384
and our parents still didn't know until now.
299
00:11:26,386 --> 00:11:27,719
Hey, folks,
no need for alarm,
300
00:11:27,721 --> 00:11:30,388
except for the incredibly
alarming phone call
I just got.
301
00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:33,391
It seems that Erica tanked
her interview with Penn State,
302
00:11:33,393 --> 00:11:36,227
and then attacked the man
in a parking garage.
303
00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:38,163
What?
What have you done,
child?
304
00:11:38,165 --> 00:11:38,930
It's not my fault!
305
00:11:38,932 --> 00:11:40,665
Dad said I had to go
to Penn State,
306
00:11:40,667 --> 00:11:42,667
and I wanted CMU,
and now I have nothing,
307
00:11:42,669 --> 00:11:45,036
and, dear Lord,
this is a disaster!
308
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:46,237
Look, you folks can relax
309
00:11:46,239 --> 00:11:49,174
because ol' Glascott
has the solution.
310
00:11:49,176 --> 00:11:50,375
Good.
Thank God.
311
00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:51,042
I have failed
as a mother.
312
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:55,180
Are any of you familiar
with the International
Correspondence School?
313
00:11:55,182 --> 00:11:58,049
Do you want to make more money? Sure, we all do.
314
00:11:58,051 --> 00:12:00,118
You may have seen
their catchy TV commercials
315
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:03,021
starring America's sweetheart,
Sally Struthers.
316
00:12:03,023 --> 00:12:04,322
Don't.
Ooh, look!
317
00:12:04,324 --> 00:12:05,123
In just two short years,
318
00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:07,358
you can get a degree
in TV/VCR repair.
319
00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:08,626
But I don't want to fix TVs!
320
00:12:08,628 --> 00:12:10,929
Well, luckily, you have
a bunch of other options...
321
00:12:10,931 --> 00:12:13,364
Gun repair, child daycare,
322
00:12:13,366 --> 00:12:15,133
learning the personal
computer.
323
00:12:15,135 --> 00:12:17,435
We're seeing
the same thing you are!
324
00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:19,037
You don't have to
read it out loud!
325
00:12:19,039 --> 00:12:20,872
Interior decorating?
Cooking?
326
00:12:20,874 --> 00:12:22,674
Art? Air condition
and maintenance?
327
00:12:22,676 --> 00:12:25,076
I mean, what does this
school not have?
328
00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:26,845
A campus.
This is a nightmare!
329
00:12:26,847 --> 00:12:28,613
Okay, let's all
just take a breath.
330
00:12:28,615 --> 00:12:30,548
We've got one card
left to play.
331
00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:31,816
Murray, you're an alum.
332
00:12:31,818 --> 00:12:34,219
You'll go down there
and straighten this
whole mess out.
333
00:12:34,221 --> 00:12:36,154
Yeah, I don't think
that's a good idea.
334
00:12:36,156 --> 00:12:38,022
What? Why not?
She made her bed,
335
00:12:38,024 --> 00:12:40,158
and now she's gonna
have to lie in it!
336
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:42,460
Kid's got to learn.
Yeah. In college.
337
00:12:42,462 --> 00:12:44,929
Okay, I am not
getting involved.
338
00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:48,433
End of story!
Do not pry!
339
00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:48,933
Shh!
340
00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:50,468
Well, I am getting you
into Penn State.
341
00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:54,572
No child of mine will deal
with the consequences
of her actions!
342
00:12:54,574 --> 00:12:55,740
Excuse me.
343
00:12:55,742 --> 00:12:56,474
1-800...
344
00:12:56,476 --> 00:12:59,344
ADULT ADAM:
As Erica's college career went up in flames,
345
00:12:59,346 --> 00:13:01,980
my plan to shoot a Batman movie with Pops
346
00:13:01,982 --> 00:13:03,414
was about to be shut down.
347
00:13:03,416 --> 00:13:04,949
Well, well, well.
348
00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:07,418
If it isn't Adamander
Goldberg in the flesh.
349
00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:09,487
Adamander?
We need to talk,
my friend.
350
00:13:09,489 --> 00:13:11,856
You think Adam is short
for Adamander?
351
00:13:11,858 --> 00:13:12,757
It's time
to pay the piper.
352
00:13:12,759 --> 00:13:15,460
Do you think
it's like Alexander?
Forget the name!
353
00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:17,262
You got other things
to worry about.
354
00:13:17,264 --> 00:13:17,829
ADULT ADAM: Did I ever.
355
00:13:17,831 --> 00:13:21,833
At that very moment, Pops would stumble upon a secret recording of me
356
00:13:21,835 --> 00:13:23,134
bashing him and all he held dear.
357
00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,736
(ON RECORDING)
Nah, I'm just humoring him.
358
00:13:24,738 --> 00:13:27,105
All that old-timey stuff he likes,
359
00:13:27,107 --> 00:13:28,339
it's just not for me.
360
00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:30,141
Oh, no.
I said awful things
361
00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:32,377
about his terrible version
of Batman.
362
00:13:32,379 --> 00:13:33,945
Yes you did.
363
00:13:33,947 --> 00:13:38,750
For once, Pops is gonna be
in my stupid home movie.
364
00:13:38,752 --> 00:13:40,985
"Rad:
The Barry Goldberg Story."
365
00:13:40,987 --> 00:13:45,523
No! You can't put that
wonderful elderly man
in a BMX movie!
366
00:13:45,525 --> 00:13:48,359
I don't think
you'll be stopping me.
367
00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:53,464
No!
You can't do this!
368
00:13:53,466 --> 00:13:54,899
Okay.
This isn't a problem.
369
00:13:54,901 --> 00:13:56,367
I'll just grab
my toolbox and...
370
00:13:56,369 --> 00:13:59,037
Damn it! I don't have
real-world skills.
371
00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:01,840
Or a utility belt
with actual utilities!
372
00:14:01,842 --> 00:14:04,042
Well, well, looks like you
wanted to get into Penn State
373
00:14:04,044 --> 00:14:06,711
a little bit more than you
thought, hmm, Miss Goldberg?
374
00:14:06,713 --> 00:14:10,148
She does, and we are
so, so grateful
375
00:14:10,150 --> 00:14:12,350
that you agreed
to meet with us today,
376
00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:14,986
and Erica is very sorry
for her behavior.
377
00:14:14,988 --> 00:14:18,423
I really am. I mean,
stalking you in the garage
378
00:14:18,425 --> 00:14:21,526
and singing a hurtful song
about you smelling like poots
379
00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:25,897
and comparing
your wife's appearance
to that of a canine...
380
00:14:25,899 --> 00:14:28,166
It's all very...
381
00:14:28,468 --> 00:14:28,867
Not good.
382
00:14:28,869 --> 00:14:31,502
I might also add,
she ate a sandwich on my desk.
383
00:14:31,504 --> 00:14:34,072
Which reminds me, you know,
I never had my lunch.
384
00:14:34,074 --> 00:14:37,442
Would you mind if I
rudely devoured this
and wasted your time?
385
00:14:37,444 --> 00:14:39,177
Okay, I deserve that.
386
00:14:40,714 --> 00:14:41,746
Mmm, that is very messy.
387
00:14:41,748 --> 00:14:43,314
All right, well,
I made my point, okay?
388
00:14:43,316 --> 00:14:45,350
Well, it might
interest you to know
389
00:14:45,352 --> 00:14:47,151
that my husband,
Murray Goldberg,
390
00:14:47,153 --> 00:14:50,655
is an active alum
of this school.
391
00:14:50,657 --> 00:14:52,156
An active alum?
392
00:14:52,158 --> 00:14:52,991
Active.
Damn it. Fine.
393
00:14:52,993 --> 00:14:56,794
Well, I'm sure we can, uh,
work something out. (CHUCKLES)
394
00:14:56,796 --> 00:14:58,630
Just take a look.
395
00:14:58,632 --> 00:15:01,833
Huh. It appears that
Mr. Goldberg is not,
396
00:15:01,835 --> 00:15:04,369
in fact, a graduate
of Penn State.
397
00:15:04,371 --> 00:15:06,104
What? How dare you!
398
00:15:06,106 --> 00:15:07,605
Oh, see for yourself.
399
00:15:07,607 --> 00:15:12,076
He's one credit shy
of graduation.
400
00:15:12,746 --> 00:15:15,280
I say I'd earned
a celebratory bite, hmm?
401
00:15:15,282 --> 00:15:16,281
(CHUCKLES)
402
00:15:16,283 --> 00:15:20,318
(GROANS) Oh, Schnitz!
I messed myself.
403
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:21,519
I messed myself.
404
00:15:21,521 --> 00:15:25,657
College dropout?
I'm married to
a college dropout?
405
00:15:25,659 --> 00:15:26,925
You're a college dropout!
406
00:15:26,927 --> 00:15:29,594
I dropped out to marry you,
dropout!
407
00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:30,862
So this is why
you wouldn't help,
408
00:15:30,864 --> 00:15:32,830
because you've been lying
for three decades?
409
00:15:32,832 --> 00:15:36,100
I feel bad, and I say that
from the bottom of my heart
410
00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:38,603
and also to end
this conversation!
411
00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:39,304
This is nuts.
412
00:15:39,306 --> 00:15:41,639
You both lectured me
my entire life
413
00:15:41,641 --> 00:15:42,807
on how important college is,
414
00:15:42,809 --> 00:15:46,277
and now I find out that
neither of you even graduated?
415
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:47,145
I was one credit short!
416
00:15:47,147 --> 00:15:51,950
You know, if I eat
99% of a sandwich,
I still at a sandwich!
417
00:15:51,952 --> 00:15:54,085
This isn't a sandwich!
It's my future!
418
00:15:54,087 --> 00:15:55,687
Look, it doesn't matter
what I did.
419
00:15:55,689 --> 00:15:56,654
I'm still your father,
420
00:15:56,656 --> 00:15:58,556
and you're not
skipping out on college.
421
00:15:58,558 --> 00:16:01,592
I am done taking life advice
from a hypocrite.
422
00:16:01,594 --> 00:16:03,494
Since none of these colleges
will take me,
423
00:16:03,496 --> 00:16:05,496
I am just gonna focus
on my music
424
00:16:05,498 --> 00:16:09,200
and busk on the streets
like a true artist!
425
00:16:09,202 --> 00:16:11,469
Why didn't you back me up
on the sandwich metaphor?
426
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:15,039
Well, I hope you're happy.
Your daughter's a busker.
427
00:16:15,041 --> 00:16:17,008
We've lost her
to the streets.
428
00:16:17,010 --> 00:16:17,308
Busking?
429
00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:19,243
ADULT ADAM:
As Erica walked out on her college future,
430
00:16:19,245 --> 00:16:22,413
Pops had stumbled right into Barry's supervillain trap,
431
00:16:22,415 --> 00:16:23,014
and it was foolproof.
432
00:16:23,016 --> 00:16:28,052
(SIGHS) Adam said
some pretty nasty words
about everything you love.
433
00:16:28,054 --> 00:16:30,621
Can't imagine what
you must be thinking
right now.
434
00:16:30,623 --> 00:16:32,390
I think you secretly
taped Adam
435
00:16:32,392 --> 00:16:35,727
in a weird attempt to turn us
against each other.
436
00:16:35,729 --> 00:16:37,028
How dare you, sir!
437
00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:39,630
You told Adam
to stand in better light.
438
00:16:39,632 --> 00:16:42,734
You really need to learn
how to grift someone, kiddo.
439
00:16:42,736 --> 00:16:45,870
If anything,
you should be angry at Adam!
440
00:16:45,872 --> 00:16:50,341
He's the one
who bad-mouthed you while
I happened to be filming!
441
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:51,075
Yeah, where's Adam?
442
00:16:51,077 --> 00:16:53,277
ADULT ADAM: I was trapped with no way out.
443
00:16:53,279 --> 00:16:54,879
Think, Adamander! Think!
444
00:16:54,881 --> 00:16:56,080
ADULT ADAM:
And then I saw it.
445
00:16:56,082 --> 00:16:58,750
My sheets served as my own Bat-Signal.
446
00:16:58,752 --> 00:17:00,885
Forget the Batman movie and TV show.
447
00:17:00,887 --> 00:17:04,889
I'd be the greatest Dark Knight Gotham had ever seen!
448
00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:07,725
I told you!
Adam's long gone!
449
00:17:07,727 --> 00:17:09,327
Whoa!
(THUDS)
450
00:17:09,429 --> 00:17:12,363
That looks so much
easier on TV!
451
00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:15,733
Adam, are you okay?
No!
452
00:17:15,735 --> 00:17:17,402
This crazy man
locked me in my room
453
00:17:17,404 --> 00:17:19,470
so he could make
a dirt-biking movie with you!
454
00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:21,372
Barry, why
would you do this?
455
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,041
The kid could have
gotten real hurt.
456
00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:25,076
I just had enough.
Enough of what?
457
00:17:25,078 --> 00:17:27,412
Of you two
leaving me out!
458
00:17:27,647 --> 00:17:30,515
All my life, you guys
have been the dynamic duo...
459
00:17:30,517 --> 00:17:33,918
Having fun,
making awesome movies...
460
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:37,255
Did it ever occur to you,
just once, maybe
I'd like to be included?
461
00:17:37,257 --> 00:17:41,225
Barry, you're
my grandson, too.
You know I love you.
462
00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:43,461
It doesn't
feel like that, Pops.
463
00:17:48,968 --> 00:17:50,435
ADULT ADAM: With her college dreams dashed,
464
00:17:50,437 --> 00:17:52,403
Erica would busk her way to fame and fortune.
465
00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:55,206
Naturally, she'd rely on the greatest song of the '80s.
466
00:17:55,208 --> 00:17:59,811
¶ Gonna take a lot to take me away from you
467
00:17:59,813 --> 00:18:03,314
¶ There's nothing that a hundred men or more...
468
00:18:03,316 --> 00:18:04,649
(GASPS)
469
00:18:04,651 --> 00:18:05,583
Gah! Gross!
470
00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:09,187
¶ I bless the rains down in a...
471
00:18:09,189 --> 00:18:10,021
(GASPS) Damn it!
472
00:18:10,023 --> 00:18:14,959
¶ Gonna take more than that to make me leave this pla...
473
00:18:15,361 --> 00:18:16,327
Gah! Come on!
474
00:18:16,329 --> 00:18:20,431
¶ I hate the rains down in Jenkintown ¶
475
00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:22,233
ADULT ADAM:
While Erica's dreams broke down,
476
00:18:22,235 --> 00:18:25,636
me and Pops were ready to build Barry back up.
477
00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:26,871
Hi.
478
00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:28,072
Hey.
479
00:18:28,074 --> 00:18:30,908
So, me and Pops
are starting our Batman movie,
480
00:18:30,910 --> 00:18:33,511
but we couldn't decide
which Batman was better,
481
00:18:33,513 --> 00:18:35,446
so we're gonna have both.
Sounds fun.
482
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:38,716
Actually, we thought you could
have some fun with us.
483
00:18:38,718 --> 00:18:42,520
Really?
I mean, we got
the superheroes,
484
00:18:42,522 --> 00:18:43,654
but no one for us to fight.
485
00:18:43,656 --> 00:18:46,824
I don't know.
I didn't really like
being the Joker.
486
00:18:46,826 --> 00:18:49,227
I think this time you will.
487
00:18:49,529 --> 00:18:51,229
Follow us.
488
00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:56,300
No way!
A BMX Batman movie?
489
00:18:56,302 --> 00:18:58,402
Look, we never meant
to leave you out,
490
00:18:58,404 --> 00:19:02,840
and now that you're here,
I say we turn
the dynamic duo
491
00:19:02,842 --> 00:19:05,510
into the fearsome
threesome!
492
00:19:06,045 --> 00:19:11,215
¶ It's really getting soaked down in Jenkintown
493
00:19:11,217 --> 00:19:15,119
¶ There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do ¶
494
00:19:15,121 --> 00:19:17,989
How's it going?
It's going great.
495
00:19:17,991 --> 00:19:20,491
Listen, I realized
you were right about me,
496
00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:24,428
screaming at you
all these years
about finishing college,
497
00:19:24,430 --> 00:19:25,663
and I didn't even
see it through.
498
00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:28,799
So you're not gonna
make me go home
and apply to new schools?
499
00:19:28,801 --> 00:19:30,201
I'd like to, but I can't,
500
00:19:30,203 --> 00:19:32,236
not after lying to you
all these years.
501
00:19:32,238 --> 00:19:34,939
So that's it?
Tell me I'm a moron!
502
00:19:34,941 --> 00:19:36,941
Tell me not to
give up on myself!
503
00:19:36,943 --> 00:19:38,209
Tell me to apply
to new schools
504
00:19:38,211 --> 00:19:40,077
and make something
of my stupid life!
505
00:19:40,079 --> 00:19:42,346
Sounds like I don't
have to say anything
506
00:19:42,348 --> 00:19:44,148
because you
already know it.
507
00:19:44,150 --> 00:19:45,917
I guess you're right.
508
00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:50,321
I also know that
if I'm gonna start college,
then you're gonna finish it.
509
00:19:50,323 --> 00:19:52,823
Hey, I do high-level
accounting every day.
510
00:19:52,825 --> 00:19:54,926
It's one credit.
Come on.
511
00:19:55,962 --> 00:19:57,161
Okay, fine.
512
00:19:57,163 --> 00:19:59,830
If you're willing
to see it through...
513
00:20:00,133 --> 00:20:00,798
So can I.
514
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:03,701
ADULT ADAM: That day, my dad was the hero who saved Erica,
515
00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:05,469
and she ended up saving him right back.
516
00:20:05,471 --> 00:20:07,705
And that night, I finally got the chance
517
00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:12,510
to be the Dark Knight, with my superfamily by my side.
518
00:20:12,779 --> 00:20:14,245
The Joker's on the loose.
519
00:20:14,247 --> 00:20:15,213
To the Batmobile.
520
00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:17,949
To the better Batmobile.
521
00:20:17,951 --> 00:20:20,585
ADULT ADAM:
Because in the end, the greatest superheroes
522
00:20:20,587 --> 00:20:23,054
...don't have powers or wear capes.
523
00:20:23,056 --> 00:20:24,589
They're the people who stick with us
524
00:20:24,591 --> 00:20:26,924
through the greatest adventure of all...
525
00:20:26,926 --> 00:20:27,558
Growing up.
526
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:30,728
¶ I bless the rains down in Africa ¶
527
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:34,599
Truth is, it's not how many gadgets we have in our utility belt
528
00:20:34,601 --> 00:20:35,299
that get us through life.
529
00:20:35,301 --> 00:20:38,102
What really saves the day are the loved ones
530
00:20:38,104 --> 00:20:40,504
who stand by our side and help us fight
531
00:20:40,506 --> 00:20:43,107
to make our dreams come true.
532
00:20:56,956 --> 00:20:59,590
I am... Super!
533
00:21:01,494 --> 00:21:03,294
POPS: Batm'n.
Batman.
534
00:21:03,296 --> 00:21:04,829
That's what I said...
Batm'n.
535
00:21:04,831 --> 00:21:06,564
No, you're saying,
"Batm'n."
536
00:21:06,566 --> 00:21:09,133
Listen...
"I'm Batman!"
537
00:21:09,135 --> 00:21:10,868
"I'm Batm'n."
538
00:21:11,337 --> 00:21:13,704
"I'm Batman!"
"I'm Batm'n."
539
00:21:13,706 --> 00:21:15,506
"I'm Batman!"
"I'm Batm'n."
540
00:21:15,508 --> 00:21:17,708
What on Earth
are you two doing?
541
00:21:17,710 --> 00:21:19,877
No need to be
alarmed, citizen.
542
00:21:19,879 --> 00:21:21,412
We are crime-fighting
professionals.
543
00:21:21,414 --> 00:21:24,749
Get off the side of the house,
or I'll kill both Batmans.
544
00:21:24,751 --> 00:21:26,751
See, that's how
you say it.
545
00:21:28,788 --> 00:21:31,222
I'm walking off
this picture.
48932
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