All language subtitles for The.Goldbergs.2013.S04E15.So.Swayze.Its.Crazy.1080p.WEB-DL.DD5.1.H.264-ViSUM_track3_[eng]

ADULT ADAM: Ah, the child
stars of the '80's.

They were
the coolest kids around,

and we all wanted to be them.

As fate would have it,

one grew up with me
in Jenkintown.

It was R.D. Robb,

and I kind of knew him,
sort of.

Well, go on, smartass,
and do it.

Guys, look, it's R.D. Robb
from school.

I can't believe my best friend
is famous and on TV.

Dude, you said two words
to R.D. on the school bus.

Now that he's famous,
he's suddenly your best pal?

We traded Matchbox cars
in third grade.

That's not nothing.

You know,
now that R.D. is on TV,

I am realizing
that he is totally hot.

Yeah,
dude is so lucky.

Did you know his mom is
the top talent manager
in the city?

Oh, yeah, Edie Robb's
got a sharp eye.

I've seen her scoop a kid up
in the frozen-food aisle

and put him on the cover
of Bop magazine.

Bop is the gateway
to TigerBeat.

Hold up.
You know Edie Robb?

Loosely.

She and my mom swim
in the same yenta circles.

They get their pastrami
from the same deli guy.

What the hell
are you waiting for, bro?

Ask her to be your manager
and make you famous.

Wrong!

If anyone's gonna be famous,
it's gonna be me.

Please, what makes you think
you can be famous?

'Cause I can play
any part.

Badass action star,
romantic lead, comic relief,

plus I do accents.

I'm from Russia. Blue jeans.

The only talent you have
is being delusional.

I'll make you
eat those words

once Haim and Feldman
make me the third Corey.

How can you be a Corey?
Your name's Barry.

Being a Corey
is a way of life.

And when we're on set,

I'm gonna make you
my sad little assistant

and I'll say,
"Go get me a Coke."

Then you'll come back
and give me a Coke

and then I'll yell,
"I said Diet Coke!"

And then you'll cry,
"No, you said Coke!"

And then I'll say,
"Don't you ever question me

"in front of
the other two Coreys."

Well, then I'll throw
the Coke in your face,

and the director
will see my passion

and make me the lead
of Lost Boys 2.

And now I'm a Corey.

There can't be four Coreys!

Well, then we take a vote,
and you're out.

You can't do that!

I own a Camaro
and a beach house.

It takes a ton of money
keeping up with the Coreys,

and now I'm broke,
thanks to you!

(BOTH GRUNTING)

We're just gonna go...

I'm the Corey!

¶ I'm twisted up inside

¶ But nonetheless
I feel the need to say

¶ I don't know the future

¶ But the past keeps getting
clearer every day ¶

ADULT ADAM: It was
February 22, 1980-something,

and the punk-rock revolution
was taking over our town.

Yikes, what happened
to Matt Bradley?

He looks like Billy Idol's
suburban nephew.

I think the punk look
is crazy-hot.

He's such a bad boy.

Hey, I'm a bad boy.

Chill. I'm just suggesting

that Matt's an attractive,
single dude,

and Erica's
an attractive single girl.

Maybe she's ready
to get back out there.

Erica, heard you were ready
to get back out there.

Go away, Dave Kim.

You'll know
when it's right.
Take your time.

And that's a no
on Matt, too.

Dating bad boys
is your thing.

Obviously.
That's why she locked me down.

Honey,
you're kind and sweet

and that's
why I like you.

But you're the opposite
of punk rock.

Then I'll become

the opposite of
the opposite of punk rock.

So, punk rock.
Please don't, Barry.

You just can't pull it off.

Oh, I'll pull it
all the way off.

I'll become the punkiest
punk-ass punk

this school
has ever seen.

What are you doing?
Nothing.

Remember how Barry
got jealous of Boy George,

so he dressed up
like him?

Well, now Barry's gonna
go all-out to be punk

and oh, my God,
you did this on purpose.

Punk is super sexy.
I want to see Barry

in a studded leather jacket
and tight jeans

and don't gag
like you always do.

I'm sorry, I can't...

(GAGGING) Help it.

(GAGGING)

You two make me ill.

Matt Bradley,
I have huge news.

You're gonna be
my Mentos.

You want me to be
a European mint candy?

No, I want you to teach me
how to talk and dress.

You know, be a punk.

Dude, punk isn't just
some cheap look.

It's a counterculture,
a musical movement,
a life choice.

No one cares about that.

Hold up.
What's in this for me?

Well,
if you do a good job,

I'll make you a member
of the JTP.
Is that a band?

Jenkintown Posse
is more of a small,

weirdly tight-knit
friend group.

Well, it has been hard
to find people

to sit with at lunch.

I think people
are afraid of me.

Aw, 'cause you dress
like a lady ghost?

What? No.
Doesn't matter.

I'm in your hands.
Mentos me.

ADULT ADAM: As Barry
got schooled in punk,

I was teaching my mom
about my future in showbiz

by cutting together
my very first acting reel.

Nothing beats
a Gino's burger.

I can do all my own stunts.

(SOBBING)
It should've been me.

It should've been me!

And I got
all the modern moves.

Do the wolf. Do the wolf.

Do the wolf.

(LAUGHING)

So, you think
I got what it takes?

Squishie,
you're so talented

they should give you
all the Oscars.

Best Little Snuggle Goblin,
Adam Goldberg.

Adam F. Goldberg.

I don't
want to get confused

with the other Adam Goldberg
in my school.

He's got more of
a Jim Jarmusch vibe,

and I'm more of
a Jim Varney.

Honey, I don't care
about that guy,

and neither does
anyone else.

You are my favorite
Adam Goldberg in the world.

So, does this mean
you'll show Edie my reel?

When I'm done with her,

Edie Robb will not only
represent you,

she's gonna make you
a star.

You know,
usually I'm skeptical

of your blind support
of my talents,

but I think you might be
right about this one.

(LAUGHING)

(DOORBELL RINGING)

Hey. I'm Matt,
I'm here to see...

Let me make this easy on you,
Weird Fonzie.

Erica's already got
a boyfriend.

His name is Dante Kremp,

and he lives
across the street.

Dad,
what are you doing?

Um, I'm here for Barry.

(GROANS)

Hey, there's
my punk-rock sensei.

What's happening
with your head?

I'm a punk now.

Deal with it,
you corporate shill.

(GROANS)

That's how punks
talk to authority, right?

No.
I got a lot to learn.

Matt, this is the JTP.
ALL: JTP.

JTP, this is Matt.
ALL: Matt.

Time for me to enter
the next level of punk

and pierce my ear.

This cannot go wrong.

Uh, dad,
what the hell was that?

Yeah,
what was that?

I'm talking about
you saying

that I'm still
dating Drew Kremp,

which is his actual name,
Not Dante.

By your tone,

I'm guessing
you two broke up.

Three years ago!

Do you seriously not know
anything about me?

Peanut,
I'm just bad at names,

especially when the people
don't interest me.

ADULT ADAM:
Like most dads back then,

our dad knew
nothing of our lives,

let alone the names
of our friends.

Name one of my friends,
just one.

Bill's daughter.
Whose name is...

La...Vondra.

LaVondra?

Larla.
Larla?

Wow! You just don't care
about me at all!

Unreal.

Mur, would it kill you
for once in your life
to make an effort?

Fine.
Tell me some stuff
about the girl one.

Well, Erica's heartbroken

because she's
in love with a boy

who's not interested in her
anymore.

What boy?
Geoff.

The kid
with the giant head?
No.

The one
with the teeny head?
Who are these people?

I'm talking about
Geoff Schwartz,

the kid who's around here
all the time.

So that's why
she's always terrible.

This has nothing to do
with me at all.

No, it's mostly you.

ADULT ADAM: So my dad set out
to make Erica's life better.

Hey, you.

ADULT ADAM: Or not.

You're my son's friend,
right?
Uh, yes.

And you've been
in love with Erica
for a long time?

(LAUGHING)
Like, forever.

She finally
loves you back.

Mazel Tov.

Did that just happen?
Don't question it.

Everything's
coming up Dave Kim.

ADULT ADAM: As my dad
was screwing up love,
my mom was nailing down

a showbiz connection
with Edie Robb,

kid manager
to the stars.

I'll give you this...
Very good burger work.

He's got
a nice bite-and-smile.

I knew it!

My baby Brando
was made for
the silver screen.

So, you'll sign him?
Absolutely.

I like you, Bev.
You know how to schmooze.

I love to schmooze.
Obviously.

We're schmoozing
right now.

So, what are we picturing
here?

Uh, soap-opera hunk?
Swashbuckling action hero?

Love interest for the hot girl
on My Two Dads?

You know what?
They're holding auditions
for Meatballs II.

Oh, yes.

That's the silly,
summer-camp movie
with Bill Murphy, right?

Yeah, Bill Murray,
but yeah.

All Adam needs
is to get some headshots

and then I could submit him
to play the spazzy schlemiel
in the nerdy bunkhouse.

Whoa,
what's happening here?

Why are you using those words

to describe
my handsome star?

Listen, I get it.
I love my boy R.D.
with all my kishkas,

but when it comes
to booking roles,

he's the number-one shmendrick
in town.

What do you mean?
There's not a dork, dweeb,

yutz, putz, or jamoke
that my brilliant boy
hasn't booked.

But Adam could give him
a run for his money,

which is my money, too,
'cause I take 10%.

Thing is, my baby
is none of those things.

He's more like a handsome hunk
from The Outsiders.

Ah, I see
what's going on here.

You have a completely
unrealistic view of your son.

Please, I have
a very realistic view of Adam,

my little Patrick Swayze.

He's not a Swayze.

Oh, he's a Swayze.
No Swayze.

So Swayze, it's crazy.

You know what?
It really is.

I think we're done here.

No, I'm done with you.

The last thing my Adonis,
angel-face boy needs

is you as his manager.

Guess who's gonna be
represented by Edie Robb?

She said yes?

Like, 1,000 times.

She even said you're the next
Patrick Swayze.
That's no lie.

She said I'm a Swayze?

She said you have
the looks, charisma,

and scrumptiousness.
Seriously?

I'm directly quoting her
on that.

I always thought of myself
as the nudgy comic relief,

like Balki or a Skippy
or a Boner,

but if an objective
third party

is saying
I'm a leading man,
it must be true.

Now all we need
are some hunky headshots

to prove
you're not a total goob.

Not that Edie thinks that.
Nobody does.

Sweet.
I'll go get my Vader cape.

No, wait, not cool enough.
Voltron helmet.

Now that's hunky.

Anarchy, U.K.,
Big Ben, soccer!

Whoa, what's with
the giant hoop?

I stole it
from Mom's jewelry box.

Petty theft
is part of the movement.

Baby, I'm totally digging
what I'm seeing.

But it's not, like,
punk enough yet.

Dude.
I know.
I got problems.

Aw, damn it.
What else do I need to do?

Mmm, your clothes
need to be

all ripped and shredded
and hot.

Right, right.

Look more like an (BLEEP)

Good note.

He's just lashing out.

It's a natural part
of the process.

Erica Goldberg,
this is for you.

Will you be the Kelly McGillis
to my Maverick?

Oh,
he's Top Gun-ing you.

Oh, God, do not Top Gun me
right now.

¶ You never
close your eyes anymore

¶ When I kiss your lips ¶

Yep,
And by Air Force law,

now you have to date him.
It's not a law.

¶ You're trying hard
not to show it

He's being emotionally
vulnerable.
That's hilarious.

¶ But baby I know it ¶

Everyone.

(ALL BOOING)

Ew!
Erica's dating a freshman.

Erica,
you like that guy?

Nope.
He's very confused.

Not confused.
Her dad specifically told me

she was secretly in
love with me,
but could never admit it.

Okay,
my dad did not do that.

Her dad literally
came into the basement,

looked me in the eye,
and told me that directly.

¶ You've lost
that lovin' feeling

¶ Now it's gone,
gone, gone ¶
(ALL BOOING)

And now I'm gone,

because I have
a dad to strangle.

(CROWD BOOING)

I love a good train wreck.
Sing it, dude.

ADULT ADAM: Lainey had
told Barry to up his punk game

and he was
a man on a mission.

Pops, check out this polo
I just shredded.

Lainey said she wanted punk.
I'll give her punk.

Oi! Oi! Oi!

Oy vey.

Where is he?
Where is the man
who helped give me life,

only to ruin it
with his stupidity?

Hey.
There's my peanut.

I am not your peanut.

Because of you,
I got serenaded
in front of the whole school.

You don't have to thank me.
It was the wrong boy.

I like Geoff,
but Dave Kim sang to me.

Oh, no!
Yes.

What have you done,
Murray?

Honestly, I don't know.
This is all so confusing.

This is Dave Kim,
a tiny freshman creeper

who dresses like Velma
from "Scooby Doo."

And this loveable,
sweet dope
is Geoff Schwartz.

So I picked
the wrong boy.

It's the effort
that counts.

I liked it better when
you knew nothing about me.

I can't wait
to go to college

so I can ignore you
for the next four years
and the rest of my life.

You know, I...

I'm not usually known
for feeling things,

but that made me feel...
(WHISPERING) Sad.

What was that?
(WHISPERING) Sad.

(WHISPERING) Sad.
Speak up.

It made me sad, damn it,

like maybe I should
participate in her
life or something.

Maybe?

Of course you should.

Fine! Will you...
(WHISPERING) Teach me?

Say he words out loud,
Murray.

Teach me!

Tell me everything there is
to know about her.

I'll make you
some note cards.

Thanks, Al.
You're a good person.

I know.
Oh. That you heard.

ADULT ADAM: While my dad
learned the basics of Erica,

I was ready to advance
to a world of kid stardom.

You must be
Paul Sirochman.

Rumor has it you're
the headshot king
of Philadelphia.

That's a negative.

We'll see what develops.

Photo jokes...
That's me.

Neat.

Here's the thing.
Um, I need you
to make my son

look like a chiseled,
rugged man-star.

Can you do that?

Wow. Huh.
A challenge.

All right, chin down,
eyes up.

Nice.

And, uh...
Maybe lose that sword.

You wanted rugged,
right?

It doesn't get more rugged
than the Highlander.

There can be only one.

ADULT ADAM: Yep, I was ready
to be a leading man.

It's the communicator
from Quantum Leap.

Hello?
I'm cool like Bakula.
He's the whole package.

ADULT ADAM:
So, I took inspiration

from every leading man
I worshipped.

Should I turn on the finger,
or will that screw up
the lighting?

Just do what you want,
kid.

ADULT ADAM:
And the results were epic.

All right,
I know what you're thinking...

That you're
the best damn photographer
in the universe?

I thought you said
you wanted Swayze?

Oh, Adam's no Swayze.

(SIGHS)
He's Tom Cruise.

My baby is Tom Cruise.

There she is... The girl
I know everything about.

Whoa, what are those?

Pops gave me a master class
all about you.

Now I know everything
there is to know

about
Erica Dorothy Goldberg.

Age 17, who likes
Christian Slater,

Gibson guitars,
and the occasional
side pony,

which is a hairstyle.

Wow, great.
You learned a few things
about me,

and now you're, like,
Dad of the Year.

Ho, ho.
Card number 43...

You cover insecurity
with sarcasm.
Classic Erica.

Stop doing
what you're doing.

I get it. You're mad.

I told Dave Kim
that you loved him,

when it's really
Geoff Schwartz who you love.

Dad, stop!

What, you think
I'm gonna tell Geoff Schwartz

that you... Love him.

That's Geoff Schwartz.

I know that
because of card 27.

I didn't hear
all of that.

I'm... I'm just gonna run away
for an unrelated reason.

Why?

Ugh.
This hair dye itches me
like crazy, dude.

Don't touch
anything else.

Go wash your hands,
quick, before it gets
in your eyes.

Ow! I touched my eyes.

He's touching his eyes.
Why are you doing that?

'Cause you told me not to,
and I'm anti-establishment
now.

Damn my punk lifestyle!
Ugh!

There she is,
just in time
for our 3:00 meeting.

At the deli counter?
Seems kind of weird.

Just zip it
and take the meeting.

Hi, Edie. It's me, Bev,
and my gorgeous
leading-man boy.

Man, boy...
I'll let you decide.
Hello, Adam.

What a coincidence,
running into you here.

Also a coincidence,

I just happen to have
Adam's handsome new headshots.

Doesn't my son look
like a movie star,

Tony the deli guy?
Oh, yeah.

He looks like that twerpy guy,
Rick Moranis.

With those glasses
and that doofy,

deer-caught-in-the-headlights
look.

Okay, that's enough.
Just slice the meat.

No, he's right.

These photos
are fricking incredible.

I mean,
look at that punim.

It's like getting
a lotto ticket

and scratching off
three Urkels and a Potsie.

Potsie's a personal hero
of mine.

You see? I knew it.

He would've been perfect
for Meatballs II.

Which reminds me,
let me have meatballs, too,
and all your tuna.

You understand me?
I don't want that lady
to have any.

Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, wait.

"Would've been"?
You mean I missed out on

auditioning for
a Meatballs sequel?

Okay, let me be clear.

You are
a Cruise or a Swayze,
not a geek or a goober.

I don't care how much
those kinds of roles pay.

A lot.
You know Booger
from Revenge of the Nerds?

Well,
Booger has two Jet Skis,

one you sit,
one you stand.

Wait. You're the one
who wanted those
hunked-out photos

to prove to her
that I wasn't a nerd.

Adam, look at me.
Look at your mama.

You are not a nerd.

No, you look at me,
right in my lazy eye.

I am a nerd.

Never.
Say it.

Over my dead body.

You know, sometimes
you get so caught up

in what is you want for me,

that you forget what I want.

Thanks for killing
my dream.

ADULT ADAM: It had been a day
since Barry nearly lost an eye
to punk rock,

but he'd stop at nothing
to impress Lainey.

Before you say anything,
my spikes
are supposed to be blue

and the hair dye
messed up my vision
for about a week.

Barring that, I'm looking
pretty punk rock, right?

Nope.
Zero.

It's kind of hard
to look at, bro.

Stop.
Don't discourage the man.

It's just a little more
pumpkin-y than punk.

But wear this
until it grows out.

Aside from the hair,
what about the rest?

Do I look like Johnny Rotten
or Sid Vicious.

You look like a pirate,
dude.

Your girl won't say it,
but we will.

No, I'll say it.

I went too far
and now you're a pirate.

And you think that's hot?

I gotta go find a way
to fix this.

But I did this for you,
damn it.

(GROANING)

Oh, he just said "argh."
That's a thing a pirate says.

And he's hopping on one foot
like he's got a peg leg.

(LAUGHTER)
This is all your fault,
Matt Bradley.

Wait,
what are you wearing?

Yeah, watching you try
too hard to be punk

made me realize
I need to mellow out.

That's why
I'm a Deadhead now.

The Grateful Dead
is the opposite of punk.
For sure.

If you ask me, you guys need
a chill member of the JTP.

ALL: JTP.
See?

Okay, guys, can we pivot
to my thing, here?

I'm, I'm kind of going
through some stuff.

Good idea. Let's divert
the attention from me.

It's just,
I've liked Erica forever,

but I'm with Evy now,
and I love her.

Then, that's your answer
right there, man.

At the end of the day,
all that matters
is that you're honest

and listen to your heart.

Wow.

That's so deep
and Jerry Garcia of you.

I'm a pirate.

ADULT ADAM:
As Barry failed at punk,

my mom was trying
to win back her little star.

Schmoopy.

Schmoopaloo.

Schmoopy-booper.

Schmoop de jour.

Schmoopy doopy poopy soupy,
have a scoopy.

Stop saying variations
of "schmoo" and go away.

Listen, I know I shouldn't
have lied to you.

And if the only way
you're gonna forgive me

is to say that thing
you want me to say,

then I will say it.

You are a... Oh, nope.

I, I'm sorry.
I can't say it.

Well, at some point,
you'll have to.

No.

You will always be my amazing,
handsome leading man.

But if everyone else
sees you as a nerd,

then you go out

and you be the best nerd
the world has ever seen.

Deal.

ADULT ADAM: As my mom was
finally facing the fact
that I wasn't a leading man,

Erica was coming to terms
with the fact

that Geoff
might not be hers.

Hey.
We gotta talk.

If it's about what my dad
said, we really don't.

I really think
we should.

Geoff, come on.

You know my dad
is utterly clueless.

True.

I mean, what does my dad
always call you?

Jeremy or Jack.
He called me Jorf once.

That's not even a name.
(CHUCKLES)

So, yeah,
he's, like, dead wrong.

Well, okay, um,
that's a relief,

'cause I'm with Evy now
and we're really happy.

And I'm happy
for you guys.

Cool.

Glad I checked in.

Me, too.

¶ When people keep repeating

¶ That you'll never
fall in love

¶ When everybody keeps
retreating

¶ But you can't seem
to get enough

ADULT ADAM:
Sometimes we hide our feelings

to protect ourselves
from the unknown,

even though
we know it will hurt.

But even worse
than getting hurt

is not listening
to your own heart.

I was just...

Me, too.
¶ To your heart ¶

ADULT ADAM:
Because if you don't listen,

you could miss one of
the best moments of your life.

¶ To your heart

¶ To your heart ¶

This is gonna make things
super awkward and confusing.

For sure.

ADULT ADAM:
In the end, love can come
at the most unexpected time,

and 'cause of
the most unexpected people.

Uh, Dad.

Listen, I know I screwed up
with these stupid things,

but, uh...

Thank you for making
a mess of things.

So, you're not mad at me?

You know, it actually kind of
worked out for the best.

I knew it would,
Erica Dorothy Goldberg.

No, you didn't.

(CHUCKLES)

¶ Let my love open the door

¶ To your heart ¶

I never saw
Meatballs part one,
but I'm very confused.

So am I.
Where's Bill Murray,

and why is there an alien
in their bunk?

This makes no sense.

Of course it does.

All camps have
end-of-the-summer
boxing matches

to determine who gets
the rights to the lake.

Why is
the photo guy here?

We're taking new headshots
to get you into Meatballs III,

so we needed to see
what we're aiming for.

I'm just gonna focus on
writing.