All language subtitles for The.Goldbergs.2013.S04E05.Stefan.King.1080p.WEB-DL.DD5.1.H.264-ViSUM_track3_[eng]

ADULT ADAM:
Back in the '80s, Stephen King
was the master of horror.

The man seemed to write
a new book every week,

and I devoured them all.

But my favorite, "Misery,"

a story about a woman
who kept a writer captive

till he wrote her
the story of her dreams.

Schmoop-a-loop.

Don't forget we're going
underpants shopping tomorrow.

I remember you
saying that.

I don't remember
agreeing to it.

I suppose you're too old
for Underoos now?

Yes!
I'm in a high school!

God, this is a nightmare
I can't escape from.

(SIGHS) Guess I'll have to
put these in my scrapbook now.

ADULT ADAM: Stephen King
made me want to write
horror stories, too.

I just hadn't found anything
horrific to write about.

Let me see.

What is scary?

Kissy monster attack!

ADULT ADAM:
And if my writer's block
weren't bad enough,

I had this to deal with, too.

Whoo!
That was good for me.

Okay, meatloaf burgers
in 20.

(CHUCKLES)

(MUMBLING)

Ohh! (LAUGHS)

ADULT ADAM:
Wait. That was it.

I already lived in my own
Stephen King horror tale,

and I was gonna write
about the scariest monster
of them all...

Kissy monster returns!

ADULT ADAM:
...my horrifying smother.

Feeds on chubby cheeks!

� I'm twisted up inside

� But nonetheless,
I feel the need to say

� I don't know the future

� But the past keeps getting
clearer every day �

ADULT ADAM:
It was October 29th,
1980-something,

and, unfortunately for Erica,

the Halloween dance
was fast approaching.

Me and Evy came up with
the perfect couple's costume.

I'm gonna be Seymour
from Little Shop of Horrors.

And I'll be Audrey II,
the man-eating plant.

Fits.
Excuse me, now?

I hope it fits,
the costume.

And, uh, who exactly are you
taking to the dance, Erica?

I've got...
someone lined up. It...

Lainey's hot cousin Nate.

What? Nate didn't tell me
you were goin...

Yeah, he doesn't tell you
everything.

Oh. Yeah.

He did say you're in
a very serious relationship.

It's not that serious.

I mean, we could break up
anytime,

so I can date
other people.

Totally. 'Cause you have
trouble committing?

Nope.
I'm very open to that.

Just with the right person,
which it's not right now.

Point is, I have a date.
Okay. Bye.

ADULT ADAM: Yep, my sister
had resorted to making up
a date,

and no one was more pleased
than my brother.

Oh...ho...ho...
ho...ho!

How the mighty
have fallen.

Okay, I can't deal with
whatever this is, so get out.

This is me rejoicing
in your social failures.

I know you have no date
this Halloween,

most romantic
of all holidays.

Okay, I get it...
You're here to bust balls,

but please,
I need you to cut me
some slack.

Did you ever cut me slack
during the last 16 years?

Before I had Lainey,
you tortured me for being

the world's biggest loser.

Come on.
I wasn't that bad.

You made a puppet
out of a tube sock

and told everyone
it was my girlfriend.

(CHUCKLES)
Soxanne.

You wrote an op-ed
in the school paper

about what a loser
I was.

I changed your name!
No one knew that Gary Boldberg
was you.

You spread a rumor about me
dating the lunch lady!

Doris is just a friend!

Okay, fine!
I've done a few evil things.

But that doesn't mean
I deserve comeuppance. Please!

Oh, no!

I've been waiting my whole
life for this moment

to come in here
and call you the sad sack.

Oh, my God.
You're right.

I'm you. I'm the Barry.

"I'm the Barry"? What...
What the hell does that mean?

You know,
the mopey loser, the Barry!

Okay, that is not
what being the Barry means.

I don't want to be the Barry,
but that's exactly what I am!

This is
my moment of triumph!

Don't feel sorry for yourself
for being me!

But I really do feel like
a hopeless Barry,

while you're happily living
your life like anything
but a Barry.

Okay, I am happy,
but I'm not the Barry.

(SLURPS)

I mean, I am the Barry,
but in a good way!
Gah! Just shut up!

ADULT ADAM: As Barry wasn't
getting his revenge,

I was about to find out that
my mom had read my
horror story

based solely on her.

Hey.
Don't "hey" me, mister.
I found your little story.

Oh. Okay.

Any resemblance to actual
persons living or dead

or big-haired and blond
is purely coincidental.

I just don't understand
how you could do this.

Why would you hide
something so

amazing
from your mother?

You actually liked it?

Liked it?

This is as good,
if not better, than
Stefan King himself.

Stephen King.
And you've read his stuff?

Not a word.
But I'll tell you something.

He'd better look out for
Adam F. Goldberg.

Love the middle initial,
very authorly.

It's only there 'cause there's
another Adam Goldberg
in school.

He's in 11th grade
and has a beard.

Ooh! What if we send
this story to Mr. King?

Maybe he could
get it published.

I-I would love that,
but it's just a first draft.

If he's gonna read it,
it has to be perfect.

You keep working on it,
and we'll keep it under
wraps until then.

Great news, everyone.

I've picked the new book
for book club.

Ooh!
Who's it by?

Only the greatest
American novelist.

Hemingway?
Hemingway?

Psst! Yuck!
(CHUCKLES)

My little Adam.

Beverly, we usually do
classics or award winners.

The point of book club
is to enrich our minds.

Put a sock in it,
Elaine.

Last week, you picked
that suck-ass Joy Luck Club.

Bevy, that book was
a heart-wrenching masterpiece.

Okay, what are you
even doing here?

This is a book club
for ladies.

That's exactly
why I'm here.

Albert Solomon,
book lover.

Dad, stop trying
to take over book club.

Okay, everyone.

Read my boopie's book.

I guess reading one little
short story won't hurt.

Yay!
(LAUGHS)

I'm so glad
you already love it.

Yay!

Yay!

ADULT ADAM:
As my mom was helping me
get my big break,

my sister was about to get
one of her own.

(CAR DOOR CLOSES AND
ENGINE STARTS)

Are you okay,
Geoff?

Oh, my gosh,
did you break up?

If so, that is sad.

No. Uh, Evy's Gam-Gam's
in the hospital.

She can't go
to the Halloween dance.

That is also sad.

Hey!
I have a fun idea.

Why don't you two do
a couple's costume together?
As friends.

Yes.
Just a couple of friends.

We can even do
Little Shop of Horrors,
like you wanted.

I thought
you had a date.

Lainey's cousin?

Uh, no,
his grandma's sick, too.

She must have caught
the same bug as Evy's grandma.

I don't think you can catch
slipping in a tub.

Well, we're not doctors.

I don't know. I mean,
Evy was the one making them,

and I don't even
know how...

Bup-bup.
Don't you worry.

I am going to make
a Broadway-quality costume

with my own two hands.

Boom! Look what I rented
with my own two hands.

You are so gonna take
Evy's man

while she's tending
to her ailing Gam-Gam.

Don't say it like that,
'cause you make it sound like
I'm the bad guy here.

Eh, it's dicey,
but you're my best friend.
I'm on your side.

ADULT ADAM: That day,
Erica wasn't the only one

with delusions of grandeur.

Okay, blah-di-blah.
Enough small talk.

All your weeks
were the same.

Nothing important happened
in your lives.

All right,
down to business.

Who here
loved Adam's story?

Beverly, it was good,
really good.

I knew it!
My baby's the next
Stefan King.

Just, just one
tiny, little thing.

Um did you happen to
notice anything familiar?

What?
What are you getting at?

Uh, Albert,
you want to field this?

Fine.
I'll take the hit.

Listen, Bevy, it's clear

the soul-sucking monster
in the story is you.

Mmm, I don't see it.

It's name is Veeberly,
has blond hair,

and wears
colorful sweaters.

Mmm, not connecting the dots.

Just look at the cover.

It's clearly your head
on a spider-like
creature's torso.

Mmm...

Beverly, it's you!

Wait, does everybody
here think I'm a monster?

No! No, no, no!
We don't think that.

Just your child.

He's the one that called you,
let me get the words,

"A vicious she-spider
whose strength comes from

"her children's blood
and Jazzercize."

Well, that...

That's not Adam's
final version.

He still has many,
many changes to make.

I get it.

Once, my son said that
my chicken was a little dry.

Oh, your chicken
was dry!

Get out.

I love you,
but get your ass out of here.

Book club is over.

(DOOR SLAMS)

Oh, good. They're gone
(GRUNTS)

Can you believe
they think Adam's
short story is about me?

Here,
let me take a look.

"It was blond and angry
and was rude to waiters."

No, this tracks.
That could be anybody.

"The colorful sweaters
and neon leggings

"hid the darkness
in her heart."

Why am I
even discussing this?

I've got shrimp Parm
to make for dinner.

"She lured her victims
with promises

"of cheesy
seafood casserole."

Yes, we all know,
clearly, it's me!

ADULT ADAM:
As my mom was finding out
she was my monster,

Erica was about to get
a fright of her own.

Hey. Hi.
(CHUCKLING) Hello.

You're back.

Great news, Evy's Gam-Gam
made a full recovery.

Oh,
that's just so great!

'Cause now we're not
going to the dance together.

Or... (CHUCKLES)
how's this work?

Um,
I think it works like

I'll go with my girlfriend
but see you there?

For sure!
I'm going with Nate again.

His grandma's doing better,
too. (CHUCKLES)

Vitamins am I right?
(LAUGHS)

Anyway,
I'll catch you there.

Okay.

Thanks for agreeing
to go with him as friends.

So sweet of you.

Also. I'm onto you,
homewrecker.

Wha...
I lied about Gam-Gam
doing better.

She's in
a medically induced coma.

But I'm staying here
to make sure

you don't lay your mitts
on my man.

Evy, I have no idea
why you...

Oh, sweet Erica.

I get
what he sees in you.

The olive skin,
chestnut auburn hair,

easy smile.

Thank you?

You had your chance
with my Geoff last year.

But you blew it.

Blew it.

Oh, Evy.

Sure, you're smart
and confident.

But it won't be enough.

(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

Don't you drag the back
of your hand down my cheek

in a soft
but threatening manner.
Only I do that.

Well, it seems like
I'm doing it right now.

Only the woman with
the upper hand does that.

Shh!
We both know who that is.

Shh!

Don't you shush my lips
with your finger!

I am the one
who shushes!

(BOTH SHUSHING)

Enough!

This is a fight
you can't win, missy,

'cause I already won.

Ugh. We watched
this whole thing,

and they're not gonna
wrestle at all.

This school sucks.
Totally.

Let's go smash
some pumpkins.
(CHUCKLES)

ADULT ADAM:
It was Halloween night,
and I was gonna be

the scariest kid on the block.

Little did I know, something
scarier was right behind me.

Going somewhere,
love bug?

I thought I'd go
trick-or-treating,

you know,
for old times' sake.

Of course.

But first,
you have some
rewriting to do.

See, I showed your story
to my book club.

They had some concerns.

Not me, of course, them.
Like what?

The main character,
the Veeberly,

they think she should be
more lovable.

What?
And kind. And snuggly.

Snuggly?
For a horror story?

That makes no sense.

I don't know,
I'm not a writer,

but do that exactly.

Type-y, type-y.

Oh, my God!
You figured out the story
was loosely based on you.

"Loosely"?
On page two,
you accidentally wrote

"Beverly"
instead of "Veeberly."

It's just a story.
It's no big deal.

Well, I'm glad
you feel that way,

'cause you're gonna
change it all

and make me a great mama.

My friends think my own son
sees me as a monster.

Do you know
how much that hurts me?

You realize what you're
doing to me, right?

You're "misery-ing" me.
That's not a word.

You're trapping me
in my room

and forcing me to make
changes to my story,

just like the crazy lady
in Stephen King's book.

Squishy, you can leave
whenever you want,
once you fix the story.

Now, stop with the
cockadoodie attitude
and get to work!

Yay.

ADULT ADAM:
As I was being forced
to keep working,

Erica had completely
given up.

Hey, sport.
How you feeling?

Awful.

Never felt so much
like a Barry
in my entire life.

You do know
he's my boyfriend
and I love him, right?

(MUFFLED)
I know.

Well, I've got some news
that'll cheer you up.

My cousin Nate has agreed
to take you to the dance.

Hot Nate? Really?

Hey, Eri...
No.

Oh, it's Nate.
Hi. Hi, Nate.

Lainey, can I see you
in the hall for sec?
Uh-huh.

Okay.
(LAINEY CHUCKLES)

(WHISPERING)
You're going!
No. That's not happening.

You're gonna...
(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
No. No. Good luck.

Um, Nate just realized
that he had

a Halloween night
dental appointment
that he can't reschedule.

There is no Halloween night
dental appointment, is there?

No. He kind of
saw you and left.

Say I'm the Barry.
You're the Barry.

Oh, heard my name!

It better be in reference
to someone

with exceptional talent,
who can rap and break-dance.

Okay, that's enough.
Erica, get up.

No one is gonna be
the Barry tonight.
Hey!

You're doing
a couple's costume
with your sister.

End of story.
No way!

We already agreed
to go as Harry
and the Hendersons.

We're supposed to be
When Harry Met Sally.

Yeah.
You're Sally Henderson.

I can't do
a couple's costume
with my stupid brother.

What if people find out?

He'll be completely hidden
inside the costume.
No one will know.

BARRY: You said
this costume was awesome.

I'm a stupid flower.
Get it off me!

Calm down.
Remember why
you're doing this.

Ugh!
Because you're making me!

No, 'cause you love
your sister.

Wait. That's why?
Then no!

I'm no one's puppet!
You kind of are.

Lainey, this is the
worst idea you've had

since you said yes
to dating Barry.

I will fight you!
Well, come on!

You just messed
with the wrong... (BLEEP)

Both of you, shut up!
This is happening!

No way!
I'm supposed to be
mocking her pain,

like she did with me.

Maybe I'll just do
a little victory dance.

And it goes
a little something like this!

Ooh! Take it! Take it!

Sweetie, the costume's
only making
your dance adorable.

Damn it. Everything I do
in this costume
fights my agenda.

Okay, we're pulling the plug.
Someone get me
my Cool Whip.

Stop it! Both of you need
to suck it up and be
there for each other.

Fine! I'll do it!

But only
'cause I love you, baby.

I love you, too.

Come here.
Give me some sugar.

Get away from me!

ALL: Trick or treat.

Look at you guys,
I turned on the sprinklers,
and you still made it through.

Yeah.
Happy Halloween.

Psst. Where's Ma?

She's taking Pops home.

Perfect.
I can hit a few houses.

Whatever you do,
do not tell Mom that...

Oh, wow.
You're just walking away,
don't care at all.

ADULT ADAM:
My captor was gone
for the evening.

Or so I thought.

Balls! Balls!

(GRUNTING)

Oh!
Stupid clown shoes!

ADULT ADAM:
Just like Misery,
she'd come home early.

Come on, come on,
come on!

Every moment counted!

I hadn't just written
a Stephen King Story,
I was living it!

Hey, pumpkin.

How's it going?

Just writing and making
the world come alive.

I know you've been out,
mister man.

No, I, I was right here
the whole time.

My photo cube was moved,
darling.

I always proudly display it
with your picture facing out.

Because you're
my little baby star.

But all I saw was this.

Photo cube.

This conversation
is over.

Time to get to work.

Oh, God.
Don't break my ankles.

Ankles?

I'm making you
a pumpkin pie.

I got to smash up
the insides.

Oh.

That's very thoughtful.

And you can have some
once you fix the story.

Boop!

ADULT ADAM:
As I remained captive,

Erica was trying to capture
Geoff's heart.

Dude, sick costumes.
Those put ours to shame.

Oh, it's not
a competition.

It really isn't.

But if it was,
I'd win.

Kind of feels like
I've won.
Have you?

Who's in the plant?

Oh, it's Nate,
Lainey's hot cousin.
He doesn't speak.

BARRY: Are we
at the dance yet?
He doesn't speak.

Hey, cuz,
why don't you shut up

and come over
to the punch bowl?

BARRY: Lunch?
Great! I'm hungry!

See you
on the dance floor?
For sure.

So fun.

ADULT ADAM:
Erica's plan
was going perfectly.

BARRY:
Which way am I going?
No, no, Barry.

Barry, no...
This plant
is hard to steer!

LAINEY: Barry, no!
(SCREAMS)

BARRY: Did I fall?
I think I just fell.

(SIGHS)
(ALL GASP)

Ew! Erica's date
is her brother!

(ALL LAUGHING)

I...

Wow.

That is rough.

ADULT ADAM:
It was Halloween night,

and I had finished
rewriting my story.

How's Adam's masterpiece?

(SIGHS DEEPLY)

Oh, my God.
You're sighing deeply
because you love it!

Well, the story
sure is different now.

In a good way, right?
The Veeberly isn't
a mom-ster at all now.

Yes, she's made
of pure love,

and her sole mission in life
is not to fail as a mother.

That's why her children
let her move in with them!

Beverly, this is wrong
on so many levels.

Did you even see
the new cover Adam made?

Schmoopie Loves Mommy.

That's a very
off-putting title.

Mmmm...
Not seeing
a problem here.

In Adam's first story,

Veeberly was a complex,
three-dimensional character.

What are you saying?

You inspired Adam.
You.

It's the whole reason
his writing worked.

You mean...

I'm his muse?
Oh. No.

I'm his muse!

Actually,
Stephen King is his...

My baby loves me
and honors me
with his words.

Not at all.

I have
to make this right.

No, Veeberly...

I mean Beverly.
Ah, damn it.

Erica?

Go away.

It's really not
as bad as you think.

Please...
Just leave me alone.

Man, she really
is the Barry.
(SCOFFS)

No offense.
No, she's the me.

I've never seen her like this.
I can always cheer her up.

Well, maybe there's
someone else who can.

Hey.
(SIGHS)

Barry said
you could use a friend.

And Seymour always
knows how to cheer up
his Audrey, right?

Not this time.

Come on. I've known you
since, like, kindergarten.

There's always one thing
that can cheer you up,
no matter what.

(PLAYING PIANO)

I'm not singing,
Geoff.

That's okay.
I'll start.

What?
You think I won't?

I will.
I'm not afraid.

� Lift up your head

� Wash off your mascara

You're really
doing this, huh?

� Here, take my Kleenex

� Wipe that lipstick away

Oh, no.

� Show me your face

� Clean as the morning

� I know things were bad

� But now they're okay

Come on, I know
you want to sing.
I can see it.

� Suddenly Seymour

� Is standing beside you

Don't leave me hanging.

� Don't need no makeup

You? Never.
(CHUCKLES)

� Don't have to pretend

All together now.

BOTH: (SINGING)
� Suddenly Seymour

� Is here to provide you

� With sweet understanding

� Seymour's your friend �

Thanks for being
such a good friend.

Always.

You feeling better?

Kinda.

Geoff said you sent him in
to cheer me up.

You know...
I tortured you for years,

and you really had
every right to throw it
back in my face.

I just didn't like
seeing you be the Barry.

You got in a plant
for me.

You...

Were there for me.

If that's being a Barry,
then I'm okay with that.

Know what a Barry
would do right now?

Get back on that
dance floor and have
an awesome night.

You don't have
to move the computer
back down here.

You can keep it
in your room if you want.

Not so sure
writing's for me.

Well, I am.

You got Stephen King's
actual address?

I know a few yentas
in Maine.

Eh, I'm not so sure
Stevie King's gonna love
Schmoopie Loves Mommy.

Oh, God, no!
I'm sending him
The Veeberly.

But I thought
you hate it.

Oh, I do.

(CHUCKLES)
So much.

But you keep writing
about me,
about this family.

It may not all be true,
but, uh...

It's pretty darn good.

Thanks, Mama.

ADULT ADAM:
Sometimes we put
on disguises,

but, fortunately,
the people who love us

always know
what's going on
on the inside

and are always
willing to help us
get back out there.

Turns out the best stories
are the ones that come
from a real place,

the ones that come
from home.

My name is Stephen King.

My best book
was Stephen King's
Skeleton Crew.

"It's great,"
says one auth...
Says one writer.

It's great!

(SIGHS)

My name's Stephen King.

Most people know me
for my suspenseful,
chilling...

Beverly!

Where's my
Sports Illustrated?

Don't make me read
a shampoo bottle!

Cujo.

"Big friendly dog
chases a rabbit
into an underground cave,

"a sleeping evil
crueler than death itself."

Oh, this ought to hold me
for about nine to 16 minutes.

Yeah.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS)

(MUSIC INTENSIFIES)