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ADULT ADAM: Back in the day,
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00:00:02,470 --> 00:00:04,405
winter break
was my favorite time of year.
3
00:00:04,472 --> 00:00:06,207
The hot cocoa,
the gift-wrapping,
4
00:00:06,274 --> 00:00:07,608
the taste of buttery popcorn
5
00:00:07,675 --> 00:00:09,543
as you watched
your favorite holiday movie.
6
00:00:09,610 --> 00:00:12,246
For me and my big bro,
it was A Christmas Story.
7
00:00:12,313 --> 00:00:14,515
For some reason,
it just spoke to us.
8
00:00:14,582 --> 00:00:17,085
The Sox traded bullfrog,
the only player they got,
9
00:00:17,151 --> 00:00:18,419
for Shottenhoffen.
10
00:00:18,486 --> 00:00:21,622
The Phils are trading
Ryne Sandberg for Larry Bowa!
11
00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:22,923
It's ludicrous!
12
00:00:22,990 --> 00:00:24,658
Ralphie!
On the double!
13
00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:26,460
Everybody get your asses
in here!
14
00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:29,230
We didn't do Christmas,
but we had Hanukkah.
15
00:00:29,297 --> 00:00:31,332
And that meant
lots of forced family time
16
00:00:31,399 --> 00:00:33,134
and Eastern European foods.
17
00:00:33,201 --> 00:00:35,035
Gah!
What's that smell?
18
00:00:35,103 --> 00:00:36,404
Lucky, not cool!
19
00:00:36,470 --> 00:00:38,072
ADULT ADAM: But it wasn't
the dog. It was this.
20
00:00:38,139 --> 00:00:39,373
Stuffed cabbage time!
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00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:41,041
Let's go!
It's freakin' Hanukkah!
22
00:00:41,109 --> 00:00:43,111
Again?
Didn't we just do that?
23
00:00:43,177 --> 00:00:45,012
Yeah, last year.
Go set the table.
24
00:00:45,079 --> 00:00:46,647
ADULT ADAM: A lot of people
think that because there are
25
00:00:46,714 --> 00:00:49,317
eight nights of Hanukkah,
you get eight awesome
presents.
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00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:51,185
Truth is,
they were mostly filler.
27
00:00:51,252 --> 00:00:52,253
Shoelaces.
28
00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:53,821
Batteries.
Underpants.
29
00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:55,623
I got to go.
I got a thing.
30
00:00:55,689 --> 00:00:57,591
ADULT ADAM: As the days
stretched on,
so were the limits
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00:00:57,658 --> 00:00:59,293
of what was considered
a present.
32
00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:00,394
School supplies.
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00:01:00,461 --> 00:01:01,862
Raisins.
Underpants.
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00:01:01,929 --> 00:01:03,631
I got to go.
I got a thing.
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00:01:03,697 --> 00:01:06,200
ADULT ADAM: By night 8,
it was straight-up bottom
of the barrel.
36
00:01:06,267 --> 00:01:07,401
Toothbrush.
37
00:01:07,468 --> 00:01:09,803
Zit cream?
More underpants?
38
00:01:09,870 --> 00:01:11,239
What is the deal, people?
39
00:01:11,305 --> 00:01:14,108
Zit cream isn't a gift!
It's an insult!
40
00:01:14,175 --> 00:01:15,309
I'm gonna go.
I got a...
41
00:01:15,376 --> 00:01:18,579
Thing. We know.
You've got a thing.
42
00:01:18,646 --> 00:01:21,414
And your new underpants
are a gift for me, Barry.
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00:01:21,482 --> 00:01:23,050
ADULT ADAM: Even if we didn't
have the holiday spirit,
44
00:01:23,117 --> 00:01:24,852
we tried our best
to make it fun.
45
00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:26,887
What the hell happened
to all the sour cream?
46
00:01:26,954 --> 00:01:28,088
Adam dared me.
47
00:01:28,156 --> 00:01:30,291
I ate it, along with
the rest of the condiments.
48
00:01:30,358 --> 00:01:32,326
In your face,
mustards and jams!
49
00:01:32,393 --> 00:01:34,928
What is the one rule
we have in this house, huh?
50
00:01:34,995 --> 00:01:37,064
No daring Barry
to do stupid stuff.
51
00:01:37,131 --> 00:01:39,866
Why?
'Cause I have no regard
for my personal well-being.
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00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:42,570
ADULT ADAM: Frankly, for us,
it wasn't the most
joyous holiday,
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00:01:42,636 --> 00:01:44,938
especially after visiting
the Christmas wonderland
54
00:01:45,005 --> 00:01:46,006
at the Kremps'.
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00:01:46,073 --> 00:01:48,008
Daisy,
it's the Goldbergs!
56
00:01:48,075 --> 00:01:49,777
(BABY VOICE)
Hello, Goldbergs.
57
00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:52,112
(LAUGHS)
We've been expecting you!
58
00:01:52,180 --> 00:01:54,582
Merry Chris...
Holiday.
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00:01:55,683 --> 00:01:57,418
Winter fest.
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00:01:57,485 --> 00:01:58,619
Welcome!
61
00:01:58,686 --> 00:02:00,020
Oh, uh,
Charles is out back
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00:02:00,087 --> 00:02:01,655
splitting wood
for the Yule fire.
63
00:02:01,722 --> 00:02:02,956
Do you want
to give him a hand, Murray?
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00:02:03,023 --> 00:02:04,425
He's good.
I believe in him.
65
00:02:04,492 --> 00:02:06,860
Can I wet your whistle
with some eggnog?
66
00:02:06,926 --> 00:02:08,095
Don't forget
your cinnamon stick.
67
00:02:08,162 --> 00:02:10,298
Be careful.
Scott is our college boy,
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00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:11,699
and he makes
a strong nog.
69
00:02:11,765 --> 00:02:14,235
Mom? Did you finally give me
that BB gun I always wanted?
70
00:02:14,302 --> 00:02:15,669
Oh, this is a snare drum,
isn't it?
71
00:02:15,736 --> 00:02:18,105
I told you,
no peeking, okay?
72
00:02:18,172 --> 00:02:21,242
I want the two of you back to
icing that gingerbread house.
73
00:02:21,309 --> 00:02:22,876
Chad,
put down the snare drum.
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00:02:22,943 --> 00:02:24,278
I knew it!
75
00:02:24,345 --> 00:02:25,613
He gets me every year.
76
00:02:25,679 --> 00:02:28,582
Okay, what are my eyes
looking at?
77
00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:30,651
Nothing. They're just excited
for Kremp Christmas.
78
00:02:30,718 --> 00:02:34,588
But why are your kids here,
willingly participating?
79
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,290
What else are they gonna do?
Seriously?
80
00:02:36,357 --> 00:02:38,292
You mean to tell me
you're that good at family?
81
00:02:38,359 --> 00:02:39,692
Good at family?
That's not a saying.
82
00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:42,296
Oh, it's a saying,
and you are good at family.
83
00:02:42,363 --> 00:02:43,764
You are good at family.
84
00:02:43,831 --> 00:02:44,865
We're fine at family.
85
00:02:44,932 --> 00:02:46,200
You're fab at family.
We're not.
86
00:02:46,267 --> 00:02:48,236
It's been fun. It has.
87
00:02:48,302 --> 00:02:49,903
Let's do it again
sometime.
88
00:02:49,970 --> 00:02:52,039
Uh, but let's not make a plan.
We'll wing it.
89
00:02:52,105 --> 00:02:53,374
Oh, Murray,
before you go,
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00:02:53,441 --> 00:02:55,676
I have the teensiest of favors
to ask you.
91
00:02:55,743 --> 00:02:57,278
Our Santa fell through
this year,
92
00:02:57,345 --> 00:02:59,447
and it would just
mean the world to us
93
00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:02,716
if you could just pop over
and hand out some gifts.
94
00:03:02,783 --> 00:03:05,152
Thank you so much
for thinking of him.
95
00:03:05,219 --> 00:03:06,687
He'd love to.
96
00:03:06,754 --> 00:03:08,121
Murray,
you'll put on the suit.
97
00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,290
Or...
98
00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:14,895
* I'm twisted up inside
99
00:03:14,962 --> 00:03:18,299
* But nonetheless,
I feel the need to say
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00:03:21,101 --> 00:03:22,536
* I don't know the future
101
00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:26,774
* But the past keeps getting
clearer every day *
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00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:29,009
ADULT ADAM:
It was December 23,
1980-something.
103
00:03:29,076 --> 00:03:31,011
Christmas vacation.
104
00:03:31,078 --> 00:03:32,713
That meant my brother's
dopey friends were
out of town,
105
00:03:32,780 --> 00:03:34,682
and I was his only playmate.
106
00:03:34,748 --> 00:03:37,117
The alone time with Barry
was awesome!
107
00:03:37,184 --> 00:03:40,521
It's how we came up with
our favorite brotherly game,
ball ball.
108
00:03:40,588 --> 00:03:42,390
There were hundreds of rules,
but the most important
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00:03:42,456 --> 00:03:44,858
was every time you took
a shot, you had to yell...
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00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:45,959
Ball ball!
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00:03:46,026 --> 00:03:47,595
Ball ball!
Ball ball!
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00:03:47,661 --> 00:03:48,662
Whoo!
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00:03:48,728 --> 00:03:49,863
Nine points.
114
00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:51,198
I win. Suck it!
115
00:03:51,265 --> 00:03:52,666
Looks like
the trophy is mine.
116
00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:54,668
Damn it!
You cheated!
Rematch!
117
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:57,338
ADULT ADAM: It was days
and days of bro-ing out
with Barry.
118
00:03:57,405 --> 00:03:58,639
You ready, Barry?
119
00:03:58,706 --> 00:04:00,841
You better be, 'cause
we're about to play some...
120
00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:01,942
Ball ball!
Ball ball!
121
00:04:02,009 --> 00:04:04,412
Ball ball!
Yes! 10 points.
122
00:04:04,478 --> 00:04:05,979
What the hell is this?
123
00:04:06,046 --> 00:04:08,048
(CHUCKLES)
It's called ball ball.
124
00:04:08,115 --> 00:04:09,317
It's this awesome game
where you throw the ball
back and forth...
125
00:04:09,383 --> 00:04:11,419
I'm familiar
with the game.
126
00:04:11,485 --> 00:04:13,020
I helped invent it.
127
00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:15,356
I added
the second "ball."
128
00:04:15,423 --> 00:04:18,358
And I'm the official
World Champion.
129
00:04:18,426 --> 00:04:20,861
Yeah, we don't recognize
that federation anymore.
130
00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:23,897
Lainey and I now play for
Champion of the Universe!
131
00:04:23,964 --> 00:04:25,499
I didn't ratify
these changes.
132
00:04:25,566 --> 00:04:26,700
Adam, it's fine.
You can play.
133
00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:29,303
No! The ball ball he knew
is over.
134
00:04:29,370 --> 00:04:30,904
Plus, I wouldn't even
be able to explain
135
00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:32,540
all the changes we made
in the past 10 minutes.
136
00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:34,475
Whatever.
137
00:04:34,542 --> 00:04:36,143
Enjoy your stupid game.
138
00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:37,878
ADULT ADAM:
While I was losing Barry,
139
00:04:37,945 --> 00:04:40,848
my mom was gonna win over
our family with a new
holiday plan.
140
00:04:40,914 --> 00:04:42,650
Big news, everyone.
141
00:04:42,716 --> 00:04:45,686
This family's about to
experience some exciting
changes
142
00:04:45,753 --> 00:04:46,987
this holiday season.
143
00:04:47,054 --> 00:04:49,256
If it costs me money,
it ain't happening.
144
00:04:49,323 --> 00:04:50,524
It'll actually
save you money.
145
00:04:50,591 --> 00:04:52,025
It's happening.
In the long run.
146
00:04:52,092 --> 00:04:53,694
In the short run,
it'll cost way more.
147
00:04:53,761 --> 00:04:54,962
(GROANS)
148
00:04:55,028 --> 00:04:57,331
I just got back from
the Kremps', and guess what.
149
00:04:57,398 --> 00:05:00,233
There are people out there
who actually enjoy
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00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,703
celebrating the holidays
together. (CHUCKLES)
151
00:05:02,770 --> 00:05:06,507
Turns out, it's not that
we're not good at family.
152
00:05:06,574 --> 00:05:09,142
It's just that we've been
doing it all wrong.
153
00:05:09,209 --> 00:05:12,446
So this year,
we're gonna spice things up
154
00:05:12,513 --> 00:05:15,082
with a little celebration
I like to call...
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00:05:16,049 --> 00:05:18,051
Super Hanukkah!
156
00:05:18,118 --> 00:05:20,788
Whoo! Mama's jazzed,
and here's why.
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00:05:20,854 --> 00:05:23,123
We're gonna make Hanukkah
sizzle and pop!
158
00:05:23,190 --> 00:05:24,425
We're gonna
decorate the house.
159
00:05:24,492 --> 00:05:26,193
We're gonna drink
buttery booze milk
160
00:05:26,259 --> 00:05:28,996
and put all our gifts
under a festive topiary
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00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:31,365
together
as one big family.
162
00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:32,832
So, like a
Christmas tree?
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00:05:32,900 --> 00:05:34,802
No! A Hanukkah bush!
164
00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:37,471
And instead of opening
presents on eight
separate nights,
165
00:05:37,538 --> 00:05:40,441
we're gonna save 'em up
and open 'em all on
one night!
166
00:05:40,508 --> 00:05:41,875
Or one morning.
167
00:05:41,942 --> 00:05:43,511
So, like
Christmas morning?
168
00:05:43,577 --> 00:05:45,579
No,
super Hanukkah morning.
169
00:05:45,646 --> 00:05:47,047
But you better not
be naughty,
170
00:05:47,114 --> 00:05:49,582
or else you-know-who
won't bring you any presents.
171
00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:50,651
Santa Claus!
172
00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:52,720
No!
Hanukkah Harry.
173
00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:55,155
The Jon Lovitz character
from Saturday Night Live?
174
00:05:55,222 --> 00:05:57,324
Actually, he's based on
a real person.
175
00:05:57,391 --> 00:05:59,058
Don't look it up!
Who has the time?
176
00:05:59,126 --> 00:06:00,461
Just trust me on this.
177
00:06:00,528 --> 00:06:02,663
Well, I'm all for getting this
over with in one night.
178
00:06:02,730 --> 00:06:05,332
That's the super Hanukkah
spirit!
179
00:06:05,399 --> 00:06:08,001
And here's a box of lights for
you to string up on the house.
180
00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:09,403
This has now become work.
181
00:06:09,470 --> 00:06:11,539
Not work, fun.
182
00:06:11,605 --> 00:06:13,040
Just like the Kremps have.
183
00:06:13,106 --> 00:06:14,207
Now get to work.
184
00:06:14,274 --> 00:06:15,543
I mean fun!
185
00:06:15,609 --> 00:06:17,210
* You better watch out
186
00:06:18,946 --> 00:06:20,648
* You better not cry
187
00:06:21,849 --> 00:06:23,250
ADULT ADAM:
And so my mom finally got
188
00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:25,285
the Hanukkah
she always wanted...
189
00:06:25,352 --> 00:06:26,353
Christmas.
190
00:06:26,420 --> 00:06:27,888
Do it with care.
191
00:06:27,955 --> 00:06:29,690
One that would rival
the Kremps'.
192
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:31,725
Before we knew it,
193
00:06:31,792 --> 00:06:34,428
we'd all been swept up
in the super Hanukkah spirit.
194
00:06:35,796 --> 00:06:37,064
And for the first time ever,
195
00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:38,899
our house wasn't
the only one on the block
196
00:06:38,966 --> 00:06:40,501
that didn't have
festive lights.
197
00:06:40,568 --> 00:06:43,504
Three, two, one.
198
00:06:43,571 --> 00:06:45,272
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLES)
(LAUGHS)
199
00:06:45,338 --> 00:06:46,474
Yeah, baby!
200
00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:47,707
Looks expensive.
201
00:06:47,775 --> 00:06:50,277
It is!
Super Hanukkah!
202
00:06:50,343 --> 00:06:51,612
* Gonna find out
203
00:06:52,345 --> 00:06:54,715
Oh, my god!
(GASPS)
204
00:06:54,782 --> 00:06:56,383
It's like I gave you
a list of stuff I wanted
205
00:06:56,450 --> 00:06:57,885
and you actually
bought it!
206
00:06:57,951 --> 00:07:00,554
Well, you made the list.
I checked it twice.
207
00:07:00,621 --> 00:07:02,723
No socks. No raisins.
208
00:07:02,790 --> 00:07:04,157
No underpants.
209
00:07:04,224 --> 00:07:06,660
Every gift under the bush
is better than the last!
210
00:07:06,727 --> 00:07:08,361
There's more
where that came from.
211
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:10,397
This bad boy's from me.
212
00:07:10,464 --> 00:07:12,733
That's an officially licensed
key chain.
213
00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:14,001
(SNIFFS) Very rare.
214
00:07:14,067 --> 00:07:16,103
Stop speaking
your stupid words.
215
00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:19,272
Behold the gift Lainey got me,
an Eagles jersey!
216
00:07:19,339 --> 00:07:21,575
My dad re-tiled
their training facility.
217
00:07:21,642 --> 00:07:23,644
But the best part...
218
00:07:23,711 --> 00:07:25,278
The whole team
signed it!
219
00:07:25,345 --> 00:07:27,247
But the limit was $10!
220
00:07:27,314 --> 00:07:28,782
Oh, it's cool.
I got it for free.
221
00:07:30,050 --> 00:07:31,652
I love you so much
right now.
222
00:07:31,719 --> 00:07:33,453
This is the holiday
of my dreams,
223
00:07:33,521 --> 00:07:36,356
and I don't ever want it
to end, ever!
224
00:07:36,423 --> 00:07:37,891
* You better not pout
225
00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:39,259
Ever!
(CHUCKLES)
226
00:07:39,326 --> 00:07:41,128
What the hell is this?
227
00:07:41,194 --> 00:07:42,963
Super Hanukkah!
228
00:07:43,030 --> 00:07:44,397
* Santa Claus
And what is this music?
229
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:46,900
Neil Diamond,
the voice of our people.
230
00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:48,536
It's a Christmas song!
231
00:07:48,602 --> 00:07:50,771
My god!
Is that a Christmas tree?
232
00:07:50,838 --> 00:07:52,540
No,
it's a Hanukkah bush.
233
00:07:52,606 --> 00:07:54,441
That's not a thing.
A...
234
00:07:54,508 --> 00:07:56,109
Oh, my lord.
235
00:07:56,176 --> 00:07:59,246
Did you hang stockings
by the chimney with care?
236
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:01,749
Not stockings,
Hanukkah socks.
237
00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:03,751
Ma, we're running out
of candy canes.
238
00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:05,619
Not candy canes.
239
00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:07,254
Peppermint J's.
240
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:09,156
Can I wet your whistle
with some Hanu-nog?
241
00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:10,223
No!
242
00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:12,059
Dad, I'm just trying
to spice it up,
243
00:08:12,125 --> 00:08:13,360
like the Kremps do.
244
00:08:13,426 --> 00:08:15,829
They're good at family,
and now so are we.
245
00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:18,265
Trading in
your family's tradition
246
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:20,100
is not
being good at family.
247
00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:22,035
I mean, what's next?
Santa Claus.
248
00:08:22,102 --> 00:08:25,138
I did the thing
for the blond neighbor people.
249
00:08:25,205 --> 00:08:26,473
No more.
250
00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:28,676
Understand?
No more!
251
00:08:28,742 --> 00:08:31,011
ADULT ADAM: And just when Pops
thought it couldn't get
any worse...
252
00:08:31,078 --> 00:08:32,580
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Hi!
253
00:08:32,645 --> 00:08:34,582
Hello!
I brought you
some decorations.
254
00:08:34,648 --> 00:08:37,517
(GASPS) Oh, my!
Oh, my.
255
00:08:37,585 --> 00:08:40,821
Your holiday is just so much
more vibrant than I remember.
256
00:08:40,888 --> 00:08:42,756
Well, we kicked it
up a notch.
257
00:08:42,823 --> 00:08:45,559
No! Hanukkah only has
one notch.
258
00:08:45,626 --> 00:08:46,760
Look at this!
259
00:08:46,827 --> 00:08:48,729
That's our Hanukkah bush.
260
00:08:48,796 --> 00:08:50,764
You know, I never knew
that there were
so many similarities
261
00:08:50,831 --> 00:08:52,265
between our two holidays.
262
00:08:52,332 --> 00:08:55,168
What is the story behind
the Hanukkah bush, anyway?
263
00:08:55,235 --> 00:08:57,370
Yeah, Betty.
What is the story?
264
00:08:57,437 --> 00:09:01,074
I mean, obviously, there's
a rich cultural significance.
265
00:09:01,141 --> 00:09:03,343
Otherwise, why would you
do this to me?
266
00:09:03,410 --> 00:09:07,648
Well, the Maccabees only had
enough oil for one night,
267
00:09:07,715 --> 00:09:09,416
and it was a miracle.
268
00:09:09,482 --> 00:09:11,551
And another miracle,
269
00:09:11,619 --> 00:09:15,889
was the finding of the bush
in the temple basement.
270
00:09:15,956 --> 00:09:19,326
And they decorated it
with festive tchotchkes.
271
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:20,527
So interesting.
272
00:09:20,594 --> 00:09:22,162
Where'd they find
the tchotchkes?
273
00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:23,764
In their pockets.
274
00:09:23,831 --> 00:09:25,766
Tchotchke pockets.
They were potchkes.
275
00:09:25,833 --> 00:09:29,903
You forgot the part
where Aquaman swam to Egypt
276
00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:32,906
and parted the Red Sea
with his fish friends
277
00:09:32,973 --> 00:09:34,808
and Moses, the porpoise.
278
00:09:34,875 --> 00:09:37,210
Okay, that's enough.
You're being ridiculous.
279
00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:38,712
I'm ridiculous?
280
00:09:38,779 --> 00:09:41,715
I'll show you
who's ridiculous.
281
00:09:41,782 --> 00:09:43,216
You'll see.
282
00:09:43,283 --> 00:09:45,185
(DOOR CLOSES)
POPS: You'll see!
283
00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:48,055
Well, that was
the traditional
re-enactment
284
00:09:48,121 --> 00:09:51,091
of the storming out
of the land of Egypt,
285
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:53,160
by Aquaman.
286
00:09:53,226 --> 00:09:54,327
Whoa.
287
00:09:58,065 --> 00:09:59,800
ADULT ADAM:
As the holiday break wore on,
288
00:09:59,867 --> 00:10:01,468
Lainey continued
to edge me out
289
00:10:01,534 --> 00:10:03,236
of my holiday traditions
with Barry.
290
00:10:03,303 --> 00:10:05,072
She even edged me
off the couch.
291
00:10:05,138 --> 00:10:06,473
(RUSTLING)
292
00:10:06,539 --> 00:10:08,008
Shh!
293
00:10:08,075 --> 00:10:09,777
Stop shifting
in the beanbag.
294
00:10:09,843 --> 00:10:11,845
Lainey and I are trying
to watch our favorite movie
here.
295
00:10:11,912 --> 00:10:13,213
Your favorite movie?
296
00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:15,148
It's supposed to be
our favorite movie.
297
00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:16,449
Well, it's been
re-favorited.
298
00:10:16,516 --> 00:10:17,617
That's not even a word.
299
00:10:17,685 --> 00:10:18,719
There's no way to know.
300
00:10:18,786 --> 00:10:21,021
You know what?
Fudge both you guys!
301
00:10:21,088 --> 00:10:23,957
And you've seen the movie,
so you know what that means!
302
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:28,996
Dude, wait.
What's your deal?
303
00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:30,363
Did I do
something wrong?
304
00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:32,866
Oh, look at you,
acting all foxy and innocent.
305
00:10:32,933 --> 00:10:34,167
I'm onto you, lady.
306
00:10:34,234 --> 00:10:35,302
What are you
talking about?
307
00:10:35,368 --> 00:10:36,837
This is the only time
all year
308
00:10:36,904 --> 00:10:38,405
that Barry's
actually nice to me.
309
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:41,241
But then you crashed our movie
and stole ball ball
310
00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:42,609
and ruined everything.
311
00:10:42,676 --> 00:10:44,244
I didn't mean to, okay?
312
00:10:44,311 --> 00:10:45,779
I'd never get between
two brothers.
313
00:10:45,846 --> 00:10:47,647
Again. It happened once
at summer camp.
314
00:10:47,715 --> 00:10:48,982
There were these
hot twins, and...
315
00:10:49,049 --> 00:10:50,183
It's not important.
316
00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:51,785
I'll just give you and Barry
some time alone.
317
00:10:51,852 --> 00:10:53,253
Y-you'd do that for me?
318
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:54,788
Of course.
319
00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:56,189
I think it's really
cute that you love
your big brother.
320
00:10:56,256 --> 00:10:57,657
I'd never
get in the way of that.
321
00:10:57,725 --> 00:10:59,192
Have fun with Barry.
Tell him I'll see
him tomorrow.
322
00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:01,494
Thanks for being
so curvy and understanding.
323
00:11:01,561 --> 00:11:03,663
Hey, no problem.
Wait, what?
324
00:11:03,731 --> 00:11:04,965
Nothing! See ya.
325
00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:09,069
Guess who made
caramel corn.
326
00:11:09,136 --> 00:11:11,604
Move! That seat is saved
for Laineys only.
327
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,306
Actually,
she had to bail,
328
00:11:13,373 --> 00:11:14,674
but now we get to watch
A Christmas Story together,
329
00:11:14,742 --> 00:11:15,876
like we always do.
330
00:11:15,943 --> 00:11:18,145
Nyeh. I've seen it
a billion times.
331
00:11:18,211 --> 00:11:19,980
Wait! Wait!
Where you going?
332
00:11:20,047 --> 00:11:21,715
Lainey's.
I miss her laugh.
333
00:11:21,782 --> 00:11:23,717
That's very sweet
and angering!
334
00:11:23,784 --> 00:11:25,618
See? You get it.
Bye, nerd.
335
00:11:27,287 --> 00:11:29,156
(MUFFLED)
Don't leave me! Come back!
336
00:11:29,222 --> 00:11:31,992
ADULT ADAM: In that moment,
I decided to get Barry to stay
337
00:11:32,059 --> 00:11:34,795
by breaking the one
cardinal rule in our house,
338
00:11:34,862 --> 00:11:37,030
never dare Barry Goldberg.
339
00:11:37,097 --> 00:11:38,265
Wait!
340
00:11:38,331 --> 00:11:40,300
You could go see Lainey,
341
00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:42,970
or you could accept
my double dog dare.
342
00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:44,738
Tell me what it is,
and I'll do it right now.
343
00:11:44,805 --> 00:11:46,073
I don't know.
344
00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:47,808
You'll be way too afraid
of this one.
345
00:11:47,875 --> 00:11:50,177
Impossible! I was born
without the fear gene.
346
00:11:50,243 --> 00:11:52,045
It's a medical miracle.
Ask any doctor.
347
00:11:52,112 --> 00:11:53,380
Okay. It's on.
348
00:11:53,446 --> 00:11:54,581
Grab your jacket.
349
00:11:54,647 --> 00:11:56,083
Dare complete. I win.
350
00:11:56,149 --> 00:11:57,785
Yeah,
that's not the dare.
351
00:11:57,851 --> 00:11:59,586
Follow me
to the tetherball pole.
352
00:11:59,652 --> 00:12:01,955
ADULT ADAM: While I was trying
to spend time with my brother,
353
00:12:02,022 --> 00:12:04,191
my mom was having
the time of her life
354
00:12:04,257 --> 00:12:05,658
with her made-up holiday.
355
00:12:06,526 --> 00:12:07,727
Lucky! Stop it!
356
00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:09,830
Hey, honey.
357
00:12:09,897 --> 00:12:11,364
Have you been wearing
that Santa suit all day?
358
00:12:11,431 --> 00:12:12,599
Oh, yeah.
359
00:12:12,665 --> 00:12:15,068
Turns out these pants keep
the fellas warm and toasty.
360
00:12:15,135 --> 00:12:18,405
And the girl at Wawa,
she gave me a free
lotto ticket.
361
00:12:18,471 --> 00:12:20,007
People love Santa Claus!
362
00:12:20,673 --> 00:12:21,809
Who knew?
363
00:12:21,875 --> 00:12:23,143
I think everyone.
364
00:12:23,210 --> 00:12:27,114
And a Merry Hanukkah
to you and yours!
365
00:12:27,180 --> 00:12:28,515
Dad,
what are you doing?
366
00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:31,384
What's it look like?
I'm handing out goodies
for the holiday.
367
00:12:31,451 --> 00:12:32,986
If you're trying
to be Hanukkah Harry
368
00:12:33,053 --> 00:12:35,322
to rub it in my face,
you've got it all wrong.
369
00:12:35,388 --> 00:12:37,724
No. I'm Hanu-Claus.
370
00:12:37,790 --> 00:12:41,094
I'm mashing two words together
to make one offensive one,
371
00:12:41,161 --> 00:12:42,295
just like you do.
372
00:12:42,362 --> 00:12:45,032
Now, who wants presents?
373
00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:46,099
Me, Hanu-Claus!
374
00:12:46,165 --> 00:12:47,901
Then prepare yourselves
375
00:12:47,968 --> 00:12:51,338
as I dole out gifts
from my sack of shame.
376
00:12:51,404 --> 00:12:54,707
No! Guilt has no place
in our people's holiday.
377
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,676
BEVERLY: Shame on you.
I hope you feel guilty.
378
00:12:56,743 --> 00:13:00,513
Look! It's your Great-Grandpa
Samuel Solomon.
379
00:13:00,580 --> 00:13:03,716
He crossed Poland
with $2 in his shoe
380
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:07,154
so his traditions
could live on here
in America,
381
00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:09,957
only for you
to dismantle his dream.
382
00:13:10,023 --> 00:13:11,258
Fun!
383
00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:12,725
I don't like Hanu-Claus.
384
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:14,127
And what's this?
385
00:13:14,194 --> 00:13:16,196
This jar stores
all the traditions
386
00:13:16,263 --> 00:13:18,231
you've passed down
to your children.
387
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:19,499
But it's empty.
388
00:13:19,566 --> 00:13:20,567
And look!
389
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:23,536
Why, it's a button,
from the sweatshop
390
00:13:23,603 --> 00:13:27,107
your grandmother worked in
to put food on our table,
391
00:13:27,174 --> 00:13:29,342
even though
we didn't have a table.
392
00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:30,577
You had a table, Al.
393
00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:31,879
It wobbled!
394
00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:33,380
My god.
395
00:13:33,446 --> 00:13:35,782
There's like 20 more
super-sad things in here.
396
00:13:35,849 --> 00:13:37,784
And we're going through
them all,
397
00:13:37,851 --> 00:13:40,620
every last
depressing one of them.
398
00:13:41,421 --> 00:13:42,655
Fun!
399
00:13:42,722 --> 00:13:44,391
ADULT ADAM: As Pops was trying
to put an end
400
00:13:44,457 --> 00:13:45,625
to my mom's new traditions,
401
00:13:45,692 --> 00:13:48,595
I was trying to get back
at Barry for ruining ours.
402
00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:51,831
Go on.
Do it already.
403
00:13:51,899 --> 00:13:53,266
Oh, I will do it.
404
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:55,502
I've stuck my tongue
to tons of different things.
405
00:13:55,568 --> 00:13:57,704
You're stalling.
Come on.
406
00:13:57,770 --> 00:13:59,907
I triple dog dare you.
407
00:13:59,973 --> 00:14:03,010
ADULT ADAM: There it was,
the coup de grace
of all dares,
408
00:14:03,076 --> 00:14:05,812
the sinister triple dog dare.
409
00:14:05,879 --> 00:14:07,614
Barry had no choice
but to accept.
410
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:08,882
No fear!
411
00:14:15,388 --> 00:14:16,523
That's right.
412
00:14:16,589 --> 00:14:18,358
You ain't going nowhere,
bro.
413
00:14:19,826 --> 00:14:22,963
You've been ignoring me
all week, but no more!
414
00:14:23,030 --> 00:14:25,665
Looks like you'll be hanging
out with your little brother,
415
00:14:25,732 --> 00:14:26,799
like it or not.
416
00:14:30,803 --> 00:14:31,804
Really?
417
00:14:37,911 --> 00:14:38,912
Original version?
418
00:14:43,650 --> 00:14:44,651
Aw.
419
00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:48,288
No! No!
420
00:14:48,355 --> 00:14:49,822
(GRUNTS)
421
00:14:59,099 --> 00:15:01,501
ADULT ADAM: As Barry and I
were airing our grievances,
422
00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:03,703
Pops had decided to sing his.
423
00:15:03,770 --> 00:15:09,242
* On the fifth day of Hanukkah
My daughter said to me
424
00:15:09,309 --> 00:15:11,211
* Five backs a-stabbing
425
00:15:11,278 --> 00:15:12,980
* Four neglected customs
426
00:15:13,046 --> 00:15:14,814
* Three sellout children
427
00:15:14,881 --> 00:15:16,549
* Two shameful parents
428
00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:20,287
* And she spit
in my face, too *
429
00:15:20,353 --> 00:15:22,755
Put down the banjo, Dad.
We get the point.
430
00:15:22,822 --> 00:15:26,226
* O Hanukkah bush
O Hanukkah bush
431
00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:29,729
* You crap all over
our culture *
432
00:15:29,796 --> 00:15:30,797
Everyone!
433
00:15:30,863 --> 00:15:32,365
Okay, this was fun
for a bit,
434
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:35,002
and then it got sad,
and now it's just bonkers.
435
00:15:35,068 --> 00:15:37,037
Give it to me.
Give me the banjo.
No!
436
00:15:37,104 --> 00:15:38,705
Just give her the banjo, Al!
437
00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:39,806
No!
Give it!
438
00:15:39,872 --> 00:15:41,374
Give her the damn banjo, Al!
439
00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:42,475
Give it!
440
00:15:42,542 --> 00:15:43,676
Watch the candles!
441
00:15:46,246 --> 00:15:47,380
Oh!
442
00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:49,882
(GASPS)
My Hanukkah tree!
443
00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:52,019
My Christmas bush!
Whatever!
444
00:15:52,085 --> 00:15:53,353
Murray, do something!
Move!
445
00:15:57,924 --> 00:15:59,359
Are you happy now?
446
00:15:59,426 --> 00:16:00,994
You ruined super Hanukkah!
447
00:16:01,061 --> 00:16:03,663
How can I ruin something
that's not even real?
448
00:16:05,065 --> 00:16:06,233
Hi!
449
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:08,435
Hey!
450
00:16:08,501 --> 00:16:09,836
Interesting tradition
there.
451
00:16:09,902 --> 00:16:12,405
Can we come over
and hear all about it?
452
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:15,408
What exactly
does all this symbolize?
453
00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:17,944
We suck at family, okay?
Is that what you want to hear?
454
00:16:18,011 --> 00:16:20,213
You don't suck at all,
but we do.
455
00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:24,551
We, like,
suck butt at family.
456
00:16:25,218 --> 00:16:26,719
The big suck.
457
00:16:26,786 --> 00:16:28,188
(BLEEP)
458
00:16:28,255 --> 00:16:29,322
Yeah!
459
00:16:31,524 --> 00:16:32,592
We do.
460
00:16:34,094 --> 00:16:35,295
(BLEEP)
461
00:16:37,697 --> 00:16:39,432
ADULT ADAM:
It was hour two on the pole.
462
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:41,334
It was freezing,
but nothing could thaw
463
00:16:41,401 --> 00:16:43,036
the tension
between me and Barry.
464
00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:47,567
(GRUNTS)
465
00:17:49,102 --> 00:17:51,204
(BOTH GRUNTING)
466
00:17:52,605 --> 00:17:53,840
(DOOR OPENS)
467
00:17:56,543 --> 00:17:58,211
(BOTH GRUNTING)
468
00:18:02,449 --> 00:18:03,783
I've raised morons.
469
00:18:06,186 --> 00:18:07,620
ADULT ADAM:
That's the thing about family.
470
00:18:07,687 --> 00:18:09,289
Even though
you may not say it clearly,
471
00:18:09,356 --> 00:18:10,590
you know in your heart
472
00:18:10,657 --> 00:18:12,125
they'll always be there
for you.
473
00:18:12,192 --> 00:18:13,493
Hey.
474
00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:14,727
There any room for me?
475
00:18:15,262 --> 00:18:17,430
Of course.
476
00:18:17,497 --> 00:18:19,166
ADULT ADAM: And sometimes
you just have to accept
477
00:18:19,232 --> 00:18:21,768
that there's enough love
to go around.
478
00:18:21,834 --> 00:18:23,236
You guys have
some good brother time?
479
00:18:24,036 --> 00:18:25,305
It was all right.
480
00:18:25,372 --> 00:18:27,006
* Who's naughty and nice
481
00:18:27,707 --> 00:18:29,576
* Say it now
482
00:18:29,642 --> 00:18:31,043
ADULT ADAM:
'Cause being good at family
wasn't about
483
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:33,413
making the old holiday
sizzle and pop.
484
00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:34,947
It was about remembering
485
00:18:35,014 --> 00:18:37,950
why the holiday was important
in the first place.
486
00:18:38,017 --> 00:18:40,220
Hey, Dad.
What you got there?
487
00:18:41,087 --> 00:18:42,655
Mom's locket.
488
00:18:42,722 --> 00:18:45,625
Never saw this picture
of me and her before.
489
00:18:45,692 --> 00:18:46,926
(CHUCKLES)
490
00:18:47,860 --> 00:18:50,630
She looks so happy.
491
00:18:50,697 --> 00:18:52,732
Oh, she was.
492
00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:54,601
It was
your first Hanukkah.
493
00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:56,469
Meant the world to her.
494
00:18:56,536 --> 00:18:59,339
Dad, I'm sorry.
I guess I just got
carried away.
495
00:18:59,406 --> 00:19:01,974
I think it's safe to say
we both did.
496
00:19:02,041 --> 00:19:04,244
All I wanted was to be
good at family, you know?
497
00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:05,878
And you are, Bev.
498
00:19:05,945 --> 00:19:08,381
But part of
being good at family
499
00:19:08,448 --> 00:19:10,183
is knowing
where you came from.
500
00:19:12,219 --> 00:19:13,586
* Come on, now
501
00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:16,489
* Santa Claus
is comin' to town
502
00:19:16,556 --> 00:19:17,824
Thanks, Dad.
503
00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:19,826
* Santa Claus
is comin' to town
504
00:19:19,892 --> 00:19:24,497
* Santa Claus
is comin' to town
505
00:19:24,564 --> 00:19:26,032
* Oh, yeah
506
00:19:26,098 --> 00:19:27,967
Ginzy? You okay?
507
00:19:28,601 --> 00:19:29,769
Yeah.
508
00:19:29,836 --> 00:19:32,038
Yeah, all good.
509
00:19:32,104 --> 00:19:34,241
Even though
everything's poop.
510
00:19:34,307 --> 00:19:36,008
It's all poop, Bev,
all of it.
511
00:19:36,075 --> 00:19:38,245
What are you
talking about?
512
00:19:38,311 --> 00:19:40,747
You're good at family!
Remember?
513
00:19:40,813 --> 00:19:41,848
Are you kidding?
514
00:19:41,914 --> 00:19:43,250
Scott gave Daisy
some nog.
515
00:19:43,316 --> 00:19:45,318
Now I have to
get my rugs cleaned.
516
00:19:45,385 --> 00:19:46,986
Steve shot Drew
with the stupid BB gun,
517
00:19:47,053 --> 00:19:48,455
and Charles
burned the ham.
518
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:50,357
Now we don't even have
Christmas dinner.
519
00:19:50,423 --> 00:19:52,492
ADULT ADAM:
In that moment,
my mom realized
520
00:19:52,559 --> 00:19:54,594
the Kremps were no better
at family than us
521
00:19:54,661 --> 00:19:56,796
and there was no such thing
as a perfect holiday.
522
00:19:58,331 --> 00:19:59,966
Come with me.
523
00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:01,234
I know a place.
524
00:20:01,301 --> 00:20:06,673
* Better be good
For goodness' sake
525
00:20:06,739 --> 00:20:08,675
* Little tin horns
526
00:20:09,742 --> 00:20:11,278
* And little toy drums
527
00:20:11,344 --> 00:20:13,446
Who even knew
restaurants were open today?
528
00:20:13,513 --> 00:20:14,714
We knew.
529
00:20:14,781 --> 00:20:17,183
Chinese on Christmas,
it's kind of our thing.
530
00:20:17,250 --> 00:20:18,318
(CHUCKLES)
531
00:20:18,385 --> 00:20:19,886
Learn something new
every day, right?
532
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:22,622
Sure do.
533
00:20:22,689 --> 00:20:24,891
ADULT ADAM:
So, this was our
Christmas story.
534
00:20:24,957 --> 00:20:26,793
It for sure
doesn't look like yours,
535
00:20:26,859 --> 00:20:30,196
but it's not about
how or what you celebrate.
536
00:20:30,263 --> 00:20:32,665
It's who you celebrate with.
537
00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:34,567
And, yeah, ours was crazy.
538
00:20:34,634 --> 00:20:36,168
Aah!
Oh, geez!
539
00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:37,804
But it was awesome.
540
00:20:39,406 --> 00:20:41,240
* Can't stop that man no-how
541
00:20:41,308 --> 00:20:42,675
* Santa Claus
is comin' to town *
542
00:20:45,177 --> 00:20:46,413
Merry Christmas.
543
00:20:46,479 --> 00:20:48,448
That's a great present.
544
00:20:48,515 --> 00:20:50,249
Chet, what do you have there?
What is that?
545
00:20:50,317 --> 00:20:52,084
Let me look.
(DRUMMING)
546
00:20:52,151 --> 00:20:53,686
Whoa!
Dude, check this out!
547
00:20:54,854 --> 00:20:56,055
Sit! Sit!
548
00:20:56,122 --> 00:20:57,924
You want to have
your Christmas present?
549
00:20:57,990 --> 00:20:59,025
Whoa!
550
00:21:02,962 --> 00:21:05,698
Oh! A card!
551
00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:07,233
Thank you!
552
00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:08,535
It's the eighth day
of Hanukkah.
553
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:09,869
Figure I'd save the best
for last.
554
00:21:09,936 --> 00:21:11,638
Well, I love it.
555
00:21:11,704 --> 00:21:14,140
But you know what present
I'd really love?
556
00:21:14,206 --> 00:21:16,042
A snuggie
from my biggest boy.
557
00:21:16,108 --> 00:21:18,578
Yeah, not gonna happen.
Not even if I dare you?
558
00:21:18,645 --> 00:21:20,547
Oh, god.
Don't do this.
559
00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:22,549
Triple dog dare!
560
00:21:22,615 --> 00:21:24,351
You'll regret
ever challenging me.
561
00:21:24,417 --> 00:21:25,618
Take these snuggies!
562
00:21:25,685 --> 00:21:26,719
Take 'em!
563
00:21:26,786 --> 00:21:27,887
Barry wins
at everything.
564
00:21:27,954 --> 00:21:29,689
(CHUCKLING)
That's right, honey. You win.
565
00:21:29,756 --> 00:21:30,923
Barry wins
at everything!
40391
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