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1
00:00:00,066 --> 00:00:02,568
Adult adam: Growing up, my mom made every lunch bag
2
00:00:02,570 --> 00:00:04,636
An ornate tapestry of her love for us.
3
00:00:04,638 --> 00:00:06,939
Each morning, she made it her top priority
4
00:00:06,941 --> 00:00:08,007
To send us to school knowing
5
00:00:08,009 --> 00:00:10,609
That we meant the world to her.
(smooches)
6
00:00:10,611 --> 00:00:13,645
And while none of her kids ever really appreciated
7
00:00:13,647 --> 00:00:14,513
Her expressions of affection,
8
00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:16,548
That didn't stop my mom from constantly declaring
9
00:00:16,550 --> 00:00:19,885
How she adored us with every ounce of her soul.
10
00:00:19,887 --> 00:00:21,453
I love you so much.
11
00:00:21,455 --> 00:00:22,855
I love you, too.
12
00:00:22,857 --> 00:00:23,722
I love you.
Mom!
13
00:00:23,724 --> 00:00:26,392
Woman: (over pa)
and the basketball pep rally is after lunch.
14
00:00:26,394 --> 00:00:29,128
Also, barry goldberg, your mother loves you.
15
00:00:29,130 --> 00:00:31,030
Beverly: You didn't say it with love.
16
00:00:31,032 --> 00:00:33,532
Barry, I love you.
(laughter)
17
00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:34,933
I love you, boopie.
18
00:00:34,935 --> 00:00:35,601
I love you so much.
19
00:00:35,603 --> 00:00:39,271
Hey, you,
with the window open,
tell my baby I love him!
20
00:00:39,273 --> 00:00:42,007
Adam, if you need to make,
call me!
21
00:00:42,009 --> 00:00:42,608
I'll pick you up!
22
00:00:42,610 --> 00:00:46,278
Adult adam: My father, on the other hand, was not nearly as effusive.
23
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:48,047
Why you got to be a moron
all the time?
24
00:00:48,049 --> 00:00:50,516
Don't be a moron.
Get your ass home.
25
00:00:50,518 --> 00:00:51,050
You're a moron.
26
00:00:51,052 --> 00:00:53,252
Adult adam: Oh, yeah, my dad was miles from sentimental.
27
00:00:53,254 --> 00:00:56,388
Okay,
I'm heading off to prom.
28
00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:57,923
Erica, wait.
29
00:00:57,925 --> 00:00:59,658
Can you, uh,
get me the remote?
30
00:00:59,660 --> 00:01:00,426
And no matter what we did,
31
00:01:00,428 --> 00:01:05,030
My dad was literally incapable of saying "I love you."
32
00:01:05,032 --> 00:01:08,267
Great pass, bobby!
I love you, son!
33
00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:09,468
Bar! Hey, bar!
34
00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:11,870
I want to beat
the traffic!
35
00:01:11,872 --> 00:01:13,172
Catch a ride home
with bobby!
36
00:01:13,174 --> 00:01:14,773
Adult adam:
He couldn't even say "I love you"
37
00:01:14,775 --> 00:01:17,342
When erica was accepted into the governor's school,
38
00:01:17,344 --> 00:01:19,078
A prestigious summer music program.
39
00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:21,380
But my mother more than made up for it.
40
00:01:21,382 --> 00:01:24,416
And I'm not saying
other people don't love
their children.
41
00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:30,556
I'm just saying I
love mine way more than
they love theirs.
42
00:01:30,558 --> 00:01:31,290
So, to sum it all up...
43
00:01:31,292 --> 00:01:34,560
(voice breaking)
mama hawk's gonna
miss baby bird.
44
00:01:34,562 --> 00:01:37,896
Here, I bought you
a going-away present.
45
00:01:37,898 --> 00:01:39,832
I'm sure you'll look at it
every night.
46
00:01:39,834 --> 00:01:42,935
Oh, good. A photo album.
(chuckles)
47
00:01:42,937 --> 00:01:44,937
Not the leather jacket
or boots I wanted.
48
00:01:44,939 --> 00:01:48,674
And now your father
would like to say a few
heartfelt words.
49
00:01:48,676 --> 00:01:49,942
Uh, no, no, no,
I'm good.
50
00:01:49,944 --> 00:01:53,245
Your, uh, 20-minute speech
covered all the bases.
51
00:01:53,247 --> 00:01:54,246
(glass clinking)
barry: Speech!
52
00:01:54,248 --> 00:01:55,581
Tell your daughter
how you feel.
53
00:01:55,583 --> 00:01:58,150
This is gonna be
so uncomfortable.
Mmm.
54
00:01:58,152 --> 00:01:59,785
Speech! Speech!
55
00:01:59,787 --> 00:02:03,188
Shut up, barry!
Take the knife
away from him.
56
00:02:03,190 --> 00:02:07,059
Erica, you're, uh,
my first kid.
57
00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:09,328
Uh,
could have been worse.
58
00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:11,930
What he meant to say
was that he loves you
so much, baby.
59
00:02:11,932 --> 00:02:15,300
(chuckles)
adult adam: But then my dad really opened his heart.
60
00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:16,635
Sure.
61
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:16,969
Wow.
62
00:02:16,971 --> 00:02:20,572
Adult adam: Yeah, for him, that's as open as it gets.
63
00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:22,007
¶ I'm twisted up inside
64
00:02:22,009 --> 00:02:26,912
¶ but nonetheless I feel the need to say
65
00:02:28,281 --> 00:02:29,214
¶ I don't know the future
66
00:02:29,216 --> 00:02:33,385
¶ but the past keeps getting clearer every day ¶
67
00:02:33,387 --> 00:02:35,621
Adult adam: It was may 13, 1980-something,
68
00:02:35,623 --> 00:02:38,590
The day I'd finally profess my love for my girlfriend,
69
00:02:38,592 --> 00:02:39,758
And nothing would stop me.
70
00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:41,426
What the hell, dude?
Those aren't for you.
71
00:02:41,428 --> 00:02:44,830
Hey, don't leave a basketball
in front of michael jordan
72
00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:46,899
And expect him
not to dunk it.
73
00:02:46,901 --> 00:02:48,767
From downtown!
74
00:02:49,102 --> 00:02:51,637
Idiot.
Can't you read?
75
00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:52,838
These are for dana.
76
00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:54,540
I'm finally gonna tell her
I love her.
77
00:02:54,542 --> 00:02:55,974
What?
Isn't it great?
78
00:02:55,976 --> 00:02:59,077
He's telling his girl
he loves her with baked goods.
79
00:02:59,079 --> 00:03:01,213
You can't tell a girl
you love her.
80
00:03:01,215 --> 00:03:02,848
It ruins everything.
Trust me.
81
00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:03,649
Please don't trust him.
82
00:03:03,651 --> 00:03:05,918
Love is dangerous,
and it can hurt people,
83
00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:09,121
Like a ninja riding
on a saber-toothed tiger.
84
00:03:09,123 --> 00:03:09,922
Please don't trust him.
85
00:03:09,924 --> 00:03:12,591
You can't just say it.
It makes you look vulnerable.
86
00:03:12,593 --> 00:03:13,892
And she'll lose
all respect for you.
87
00:03:13,894 --> 00:03:16,295
Well, I got to
do something.
88
00:03:16,297 --> 00:03:18,697
Dana and her family
are going away
for the summer.
89
00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:20,432
What if she meets a guy
while she's in seattle?
90
00:03:20,434 --> 00:03:23,001
Why are you worried
about some dude from canada?
91
00:03:23,003 --> 00:03:26,138
You just need to relax
and maintain the upper hand.
92
00:03:26,140 --> 00:03:27,940
(sighs) I just...
93
00:03:27,942 --> 00:03:28,607
Don't want to lose her.
94
00:03:28,609 --> 00:03:31,076
So this is what you do,
you March up to dana.
95
00:03:31,078 --> 00:03:34,112
You gently cup her beautiful
face in your hands,
96
00:03:34,114 --> 00:03:37,616
Look deep into her brown eyes,
and attack her one weakness,
97
00:03:37,618 --> 00:03:39,952
Like, "you got
gremlin ears, girl."
98
00:03:39,954 --> 00:03:41,587
Don't do that.
Do that!
99
00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:42,421
Don't do that.
100
00:03:42,423 --> 00:03:44,156
Do that!
It's your only choice!
101
00:03:44,158 --> 00:03:46,158
Give me these cupcakes.
No!
102
00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:46,925
Oh, god!
What?
103
00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:48,660
Adult adam: Barry was a man of strong convictions.
104
00:03:48,662 --> 00:03:51,496
Unfortunately, he was never one to follow his own advice.
105
00:03:51,498 --> 00:03:53,298
What do you mean,
you got practice until 5:00?
106
00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:56,401
You promised your man
you'd watch him do leg curls.
107
00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:58,537
I really didn't,
but I will drop by after.
108
00:03:58,539 --> 00:04:00,772
I'll bring you one of those
frozen burritos you like.
109
00:04:00,774 --> 00:04:03,809
God, you so get me.
I love you.
110
00:04:03,811 --> 00:04:06,144
Adult adam: And in a moment of sheer stupidity,
111
00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:08,480
Barry had accidently dropped the "l" bomb.
112
00:04:08,482 --> 00:04:11,450
His only hope was that lainey didn't hear him.
113
00:04:11,452 --> 00:04:14,019
What did you just say?
Adult adam: But she did.
114
00:04:14,021 --> 00:04:15,454
I said...
115
00:04:15,456 --> 00:04:17,889
You got gremlin ears,
girl.
116
00:04:19,359 --> 00:04:21,193
Barry norman goldberg
with the save.
117
00:04:21,195 --> 00:04:23,762
Adult adam:
While barry was denying he said the "l" word,
118
00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:26,098
My mom was livid that my dad couldn't.
119
00:04:26,100 --> 00:04:28,634
Okay.
You're rage-cleaning.
120
00:04:28,636 --> 00:04:32,604
Before you wipe a hole
in the counter,
tell me what I did.
121
00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:34,606
Why can't you just tell
the kids you love them?
122
00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:36,708
You tell them
100 times a day.
123
00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:38,210
How much love
do these people need?
124
00:04:38,212 --> 00:04:41,313
I only say it so much
to pick up your slack.
125
00:04:41,315 --> 00:04:42,314
Why do I got to say it
out loud?
126
00:04:42,316 --> 00:04:45,951
I love bacon, but I never
actually say it.
Bacon just knows.
127
00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:47,753
You always say
you love bacon.
128
00:04:47,755 --> 00:04:48,887
Well, that is true.
129
00:04:48,889 --> 00:04:51,723
But I tell the kids
I love them every day
130
00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:52,924
By putting a roof
over their heads.
131
00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:56,228
Yeah?
Well, what gonna happen when
erica leaves for the summer?
132
00:04:56,230 --> 00:04:58,897
Where's your fancy
love roof then?
133
00:04:58,899 --> 00:05:02,000
Well,
you've got a point.
134
00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:03,935
Okay, bevy,
I'll go do my thing.
135
00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:07,673
Adult adam: And that thing was to go sit right in his chair...
136
00:05:07,675 --> 00:05:09,074
Nope.
...And ignore my mom.
137
00:05:09,076 --> 00:05:11,176
You really should go tell
your daughter you love her.
138
00:05:11,178 --> 00:05:13,145
You weren't in the room.
How do you even know this?
139
00:05:13,147 --> 00:05:15,113
You basically yell
everything you say.
140
00:05:15,115 --> 00:05:18,817
And for the record,
I completely agree
with beverly.
141
00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:19,851
I'm not saying
"I love you."
142
00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:23,188
My dad never said it to me,
and I turned out fine.
143
00:05:23,190 --> 00:05:23,989
No, you're the best.
144
00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:25,590
Why are you busting
my chops?
145
00:05:25,592 --> 00:05:26,792
"I love you"
isn't something a dad says.
146
00:05:26,794 --> 00:05:30,529
Here. Watch me.
What are you doing?
Why are you moving in on me?
147
00:05:30,531 --> 00:05:32,097
I love you, mur.
Oh.
148
00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:33,465
I love you, mur.
Oh.
149
00:05:33,467 --> 00:05:36,101
I love you,
murray goldberg.
150
00:05:36,103 --> 00:05:36,902
This is a nightmare.
151
00:05:36,904 --> 00:05:39,438
Adult adam: While my dad was being forced to say "I love you,"
152
00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:42,074
I was ready to open up my heart to dana.
153
00:05:42,076 --> 00:05:43,775
Long before texting, the only way
154
00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:45,777
To profess your deepest feelings for a girl
155
00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:46,645
Was to pen an epic love letter
156
00:05:46,647 --> 00:05:49,948
And cooly hand-deliver it into her locker.
157
00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:52,150
Will you just stop?
You've been dodging me
for two days.
158
00:05:52,152 --> 00:05:55,587
It's only been two days?
Feels like I've been dodging
you for a week.
159
00:05:55,589 --> 00:05:57,422
Oh! Why did you have to
say "I love you"?
160
00:05:57,424 --> 00:05:59,491
It's no big deal.
I say it all the time.
161
00:05:59,493 --> 00:06:01,693
Watch.
I love you, dan!
162
00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:03,495
Oh, love you, too, bro.
163
00:06:03,497 --> 00:06:05,130
See? Means nothing.
164
00:06:05,132 --> 00:06:05,464
Hey!
165
00:06:05,466 --> 00:06:08,100
Okay, if anything,
you need to stop
reading into things.
166
00:06:08,102 --> 00:06:11,303
It's not like I said
"I love you more than
anything in the world"
167
00:06:11,305 --> 00:06:13,538
Or that you're my moon
and my sun
168
00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:15,006
And "if you want to
get married right now,
169
00:06:15,008 --> 00:06:16,908
"I'd run away and never
see my family again."
170
00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:20,679
I never said any of those
things, so get over yourself.
171
00:06:20,681 --> 00:06:21,713
I have practice, okay?
I got to go.
172
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:24,082
Barry was right. Saying "I love you" ruined everything.
173
00:06:24,084 --> 00:06:28,286
(school bell rings)
lucky for me, I wrote it down and could easily take it back.
174
00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:29,688
Or so I thought.
175
00:06:29,690 --> 00:06:31,890
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.
176
00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:32,958
There you are.
Aah!
177
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:35,127
Third-period bell
just rang.
Then you should go.
178
00:06:35,129 --> 00:06:37,162
But I got to get
my homework.
(thud)
179
00:06:37,164 --> 00:06:38,797
It's more important
to be on time
180
00:06:38,799 --> 00:06:40,432
Than to have your homework,
am I right?
181
00:06:40,434 --> 00:06:41,233
Move it, move it.
No...
182
00:06:41,235 --> 00:06:43,668
Adult adam: While I was trying to keep dana from knowing I loved her,
183
00:06:43,670 --> 00:06:46,938
My dad went to erica to finally say it.
184
00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:48,907
Hey.
Hey?
185
00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:51,276
You, uh, seem surprised
to see me here.
186
00:06:51,278 --> 00:06:53,979
Well, you usually
don't make it this far
down the hallway.
187
00:06:53,981 --> 00:06:56,248
Yeah, well, it's really not
on the way to anything.
188
00:06:56,250 --> 00:06:58,650
So, what do you want?
(scoffs)
189
00:06:59,552 --> 00:07:01,319
I, um...
190
00:07:02,822 --> 00:07:05,190
Was just thinking that,
um, you know,
191
00:07:05,192 --> 00:07:08,560
You're going away
for the summer and all,
and...
192
00:07:08,562 --> 00:07:12,364
You know,
I don't really say it much.
193
00:07:12,598 --> 00:07:13,532
I, um...
194
00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:14,466
What's happening?
195
00:07:14,468 --> 00:07:16,935
You know,
I just wanted to say...
196
00:07:16,937 --> 00:07:18,470
I love you.
What?
197
00:07:18,472 --> 00:07:20,305
(mumbling) I love you.
What?
198
00:07:20,307 --> 00:07:21,440
(mumbling) I love you.
199
00:07:21,442 --> 00:07:22,441
What?
You heard me.
200
00:07:22,443 --> 00:07:24,443
I really didn't.
(scoffs)
201
00:07:24,445 --> 00:07:28,079
I'm just saying...
Oh, god.
202
00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:30,148
...That I, uh...
203
00:07:30,416 --> 00:07:32,117
Love you.
204
00:07:32,485 --> 00:07:34,319
Are you sick or something?
No.
205
00:07:34,321 --> 00:07:35,387
Did you gamble away
my college fund?
206
00:07:35,389 --> 00:07:36,855
That's nuts.
Where did you get that from?
207
00:07:36,857 --> 00:07:39,157
Well, I know you and mom
aren't getting divorced
208
00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:40,959
Because your survival
depends on her.
209
00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:43,128
So what is this?
You're freaking me out.
210
00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:43,829
It's nothing, damn it!
211
00:07:43,831 --> 00:07:45,897
I just wanted to say
"I love you"!
212
00:07:45,899 --> 00:07:47,833
Okay. Um...
213
00:07:47,835 --> 00:07:49,234
Thanks?
214
00:07:50,570 --> 00:07:53,205
So, that's it, huh?
Is that it?
215
00:07:53,207 --> 00:07:54,172
Okay, all right.
216
00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:56,875
So I guess I'll,
I'll be on my way.
217
00:07:58,110 --> 00:07:59,744
(sighs)
218
00:08:01,914 --> 00:08:03,415
Well, I said the thing
to the girl.
219
00:08:03,417 --> 00:08:04,983
We can all get on
with our lives.
220
00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:07,285
(gasps) oh, come on.
I want details.
221
00:08:07,287 --> 00:08:08,353
She didn't say it back.
222
00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:10,288
They always say it back.
223
00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:11,356
Not in this case.
224
00:08:11,358 --> 00:08:12,257
Maybe you didn't
say it right.
225
00:08:12,259 --> 00:08:15,460
I want a do-over, murray.
Go back up and try again.
226
00:08:15,462 --> 00:08:16,595
No do-overs!
227
00:08:16,597 --> 00:08:17,929
I'm never saying
those words again.
228
00:08:17,931 --> 00:08:20,665
Don't say that just 'cause
your feelings are hurt.
229
00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:21,399
My feelings aren't hurt.
230
00:08:21,401 --> 00:08:24,236
I just discovered
that I'm not my
daughter's cup of tea.
231
00:08:24,238 --> 00:08:27,372
That would honestly
rock me to the core.
232
00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:28,640
Yeah, well, you know.
233
00:08:28,642 --> 00:08:30,442
I mean that's
a rejection of you
234
00:08:30,444 --> 00:08:33,778
Both as a father
and a human being.
235
00:08:33,780 --> 00:08:34,212
It's fine.
236
00:08:34,214 --> 00:08:36,648
You'd think she'd say it
just to be polite.
237
00:08:36,650 --> 00:08:40,785
Okay, it stings a little.
This is your fault.
238
00:08:40,787 --> 00:08:42,187
You set me up.
239
00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:43,255
Well...
240
00:08:43,257 --> 00:08:47,659
That was my first and last
"I love you" ever!
241
00:08:47,827 --> 00:08:50,562
Adult adam:
It was third period, and I was running out of time
242
00:08:50,564 --> 00:08:52,731
To rescue my love letter from dana's locker.
243
00:08:52,733 --> 00:08:55,901
Damn it!
What am I even listening for?
244
00:08:55,903 --> 00:08:56,568
The movies lied.
245
00:08:56,570 --> 00:09:00,539
Adult adam: Out of options, there was only one logical choice left...
246
00:09:00,541 --> 00:09:01,940
Pull the fire alarm.
247
00:09:01,942 --> 00:09:03,241
Sure, it was a serious crime.
248
00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:06,144
But as long as I played it cool and acted quick,
249
00:09:06,146 --> 00:09:09,881
No one would be the wiser.
250
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,082
Goldfarb!
251
00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:13,084
My office! Now!
252
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:15,020
Son, I've been here a long time,
253
00:09:15,022 --> 00:09:16,855
And I've seen a lot of kids
pull that fire alarm
254
00:09:16,857 --> 00:09:19,124
For a lot
of different reasons.
255
00:09:19,126 --> 00:09:20,091
What's yours?
256
00:09:20,093 --> 00:09:21,693
Pop quiz in chemistry?
No.
257
00:09:21,695 --> 00:09:23,161
Arousing daydream?
No!
258
00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:25,564
Had a fart that
fooled you?
Worse.
259
00:09:25,566 --> 00:09:26,164
Ooh. I'm intrigued.
260
00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:29,734
I have an awesome girlfriend,
and I wrote her a letter...
261
00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:32,170
Ka-boom.
The problem is
262
00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:35,106
I stupidly signed the letter
"I love you," and now...
263
00:09:35,108 --> 00:09:37,909
Now you're out on a ledge,
exposed,
264
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,511
With a giant target
on your heart.
265
00:09:39,513 --> 00:09:42,981
There are no more dangerous
words than "I love you."
266
00:09:42,983 --> 00:09:43,648
Wow. Yeah.
267
00:09:43,650 --> 00:09:46,451
Just 'cause I wear
the same tiny shorts
every day
268
00:09:46,453 --> 00:09:49,020
Doesn't mean
I don't wear many hats.
269
00:09:49,022 --> 00:09:50,322
Coach knows love good.
270
00:09:50,324 --> 00:09:53,358
I even played
the russian
mail-order game,
271
00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:54,893
And I did not win.
272
00:09:54,895 --> 00:09:58,296
Let's just say...
"woo! Woo!"
273
00:09:58,298 --> 00:10:00,231
It was an express
to sad town.
274
00:10:00,233 --> 00:10:02,634
Coach! Coach!
I need your help.
275
00:10:02,636 --> 00:10:05,070
What are you doing?
He's helping me right now.
276
00:10:05,072 --> 00:10:08,473
Go away! I actually got
real adult problems.
277
00:10:08,475 --> 00:10:09,874
I want to
be a cheerleader.
278
00:10:09,876 --> 00:10:11,476
We've all been there.
Why?
279
00:10:11,478 --> 00:10:13,945
My lady.
She's been pushing me away.
280
00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:16,147
But you know the saying,
if you love someone,
281
00:10:16,149 --> 00:10:19,718
You become a male cheerleader
and trap them into loving you.
282
00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:22,554
Dang.
You goldberg's feel hard.
283
00:10:22,556 --> 00:10:25,657
You leave it
all on the field,
just like coach.
284
00:10:25,659 --> 00:10:28,059
Well, don't worry.
I can help you both.
285
00:10:28,061 --> 00:10:29,828
You can help me
get my letter back?
You got it.
286
00:10:29,830 --> 00:10:33,632
And I can be
a cheerleading man?
Oh, no. No, god, no.
287
00:10:33,634 --> 00:10:38,770
I got one position open,
if you got the nards.
288
00:10:38,772 --> 00:10:42,040
I'm looking for a brave soul
to be the team mascot.
289
00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:43,541
Well, my soul's
the bravest, coach.
290
00:10:43,543 --> 00:10:46,578
Adult adam: While barry would do anything to stay close to lainey,
291
00:10:46,580 --> 00:10:51,416
My mom was furious with erica for pushing my dad away.
292
00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:52,851
Mom,
stop rage-juicing.
293
00:10:52,853 --> 00:10:55,286
If you want to talk,
I'm right here.
294
00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:55,920
How could you?
295
00:10:55,922 --> 00:10:58,156
I've done some questionable
things lately,
296
00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:01,026
So if you could just say
out loud what I did first,
297
00:11:01,028 --> 00:11:02,227
Just so we're all
on the same page.
298
00:11:02,229 --> 00:11:04,996
Your father said
"I love you," and you
didn't say it back.
299
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:08,400
Yes. That is definitely
the worst thing I've done
this week.
300
00:11:08,402 --> 00:11:09,634
Why can't you just say it
back to him?
301
00:11:09,636 --> 00:11:11,336
You have no problem saying
"I love you" to me.
302
00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:14,673
That's because you say it
so much, it's meaningless.
303
00:11:14,675 --> 00:11:15,373
I'm on autopilot.
304
00:11:15,375 --> 00:11:18,543
It's like saying
"god bless you"
after someone sneezes.
305
00:11:18,545 --> 00:11:20,378
It was a disaster
when he said it,
306
00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:22,681
And I'm not
gonna make it worse.
307
00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:24,683
What if I make it
worth your while?
308
00:11:24,685 --> 00:11:25,583
Wait, are you
trying to bribe me?
309
00:11:25,585 --> 00:11:28,553
(scoffs) please,
you wouldn't believe
what it would take
310
00:11:28,555 --> 00:11:30,488
To get me to do this.
Oh.
311
00:11:30,490 --> 00:11:31,556
I'm not saying no.
312
00:11:31,558 --> 00:11:34,893
I'm just saying come in high
with your offer.
313
00:11:39,765 --> 00:11:40,965
Is that a new jacket?
314
00:11:40,967 --> 00:11:42,200
It is. I love you, dad.
315
00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:47,372
Adult adam: Turns out the price of love is $57 plus tax.
316
00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:49,507
Oh, god!
She's opening up her locker!
317
00:11:49,509 --> 00:11:51,810
Quick, pull the fire alarm.
Come on, goldberg.
318
00:11:51,812 --> 00:11:54,946
Pulling the fire alarm
is morally reprehensible.
319
00:11:54,948 --> 00:11:58,183
All right, people, impromptu drug search!
320
00:11:58,185 --> 00:12:00,518
Open your lockers!
321
00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:01,753
Think we'll start
over here.
322
00:12:01,755 --> 00:12:03,755
I'm searching your locker,
caldwell.
323
00:12:03,757 --> 00:12:04,923
Me? Why?
324
00:12:04,925 --> 00:12:06,691
Well, let's just say
I got it on good authority
325
00:12:06,693 --> 00:12:08,660
There's a butt-load of ludes
in there.
326
00:12:08,662 --> 00:12:10,595
What's a lude?
Don't play coy with me.
327
00:12:10,597 --> 00:12:13,164
I know a lude-head
when I see one.
328
00:12:13,166 --> 00:12:14,766
All right,
let's see here.
329
00:12:14,768 --> 00:12:17,635
Okay, search is over,
people!
330
00:12:17,637 --> 00:12:20,739
Let's go! Asses to classes!
331
00:12:20,741 --> 00:12:21,673
Stay clean, caldwell.
332
00:12:21,675 --> 00:12:23,241
Adult adam:
Even though coach mellor saved me
333
00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:25,443
From making the biggest mistake of my life,
334
00:12:25,445 --> 00:12:30,215
Nothing could save barry from this debacle.
335
00:12:30,217 --> 00:12:33,551
While my brother considered himself an expert at many things,
336
00:12:33,553 --> 00:12:38,289
The fine art of mascot-ing was not one of them.
337
00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:39,257
Turns out the only thing creepier
338
00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:40,725
Than barry spying on his girlfriend
339
00:12:40,727 --> 00:12:44,896
Was the 10-pound, dead-eyed, grinning quaker strapped to his head.
340
00:12:44,898 --> 00:12:48,700
Hey! What are you...
Back off!
341
00:12:49,468 --> 00:12:51,202
Barry: Chill!
342
00:12:51,204 --> 00:12:53,705
Surprise!
It's barry!
343
00:12:53,707 --> 00:12:56,241
Oh, my god.
What are you doing?
344
00:12:56,243 --> 00:12:57,509
I'm the fighting quaker!
345
00:12:57,511 --> 00:13:00,211
I thought dressing in a giant,
rubber donald sutherland head
346
00:13:00,213 --> 00:13:03,114
Would be the perfect way
of making things
less weird between us.
347
00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:05,717
This makes things
so much weirder.
348
00:13:05,719 --> 00:13:06,451
Please, just go.
349
00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:10,255
Only if you say
"I love you" back so
it makes things even.
350
00:13:10,257 --> 00:13:11,689
Go on.
351
00:13:11,691 --> 00:13:12,524
(muffled) tell me you love me.
352
00:13:12,526 --> 00:13:15,460
My eyes are in my mouth,
so say it right here.
353
00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:18,630
I'm sorry, barry.
I'm not gonna say it.
354
00:13:18,632 --> 00:13:20,565
Ouch.
She doesn't love you, bro.
355
00:13:20,567 --> 00:13:22,333
(bleep) off,
lyle and kyle.
356
00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:23,067
Whoa!
Easy!
357
00:13:23,069 --> 00:13:25,236
I will throw you, bro,
and not in
a cheerleading way.
358
00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:28,239
(whistle blows)
all right, bring it in!
359
00:13:28,241 --> 00:13:30,141
Cheerleaders and mascot, too.
360
00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:33,478
Big away game
at central high tonight.
361
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,313
Heated rivalry, big stakes.
362
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:39,083
That means some of you
are going to get hurt.
363
00:13:39,085 --> 00:13:41,686
Sprained ankles,
jammed fingers,
364
00:13:41,688 --> 00:13:44,622
Not to mention guaranteed
off-the-court attacks
365
00:13:44,624 --> 00:13:46,224
On some of our
support personnel.
366
00:13:46,226 --> 00:13:47,358
I'm sorry. What, now?
367
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:49,294
I thought you knew
about this.
368
00:13:49,296 --> 00:13:51,596
Last year, some of our
more passionate fans
369
00:13:51,598 --> 00:13:54,065
Laid a swift beat down
on their mascot,
370
00:13:54,067 --> 00:13:54,766
Bobby the beaver.
371
00:13:54,768 --> 00:13:59,504
Tonight, revenge hangs
like a thick fog over
the entire squad,
372
00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:02,774
Although some of us might
be wearing cumbersome,
373
00:14:02,776 --> 00:14:03,541
Vision-hindering costumes,
374
00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:08,246
Which will make us
even more of a target
than the others.
375
00:14:08,881 --> 00:14:10,248
Uh, coach?
376
00:14:10,250 --> 00:14:13,218
Yes? Our brave,
doomed quaker
has a question.
377
00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:15,954
I know you're giving us
a general pep talk and all,
378
00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:17,522
But it feels directed
mostly toward me.
379
00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:19,958
Oh, my god, barry.
Take off the stupid costume.
380
00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:21,626
They're gonna break
every bone in your body.
381
00:14:21,628 --> 00:14:23,795
My heart bone's already
been broken, girl.
382
00:14:23,797 --> 00:14:25,129
Miller: That's the spirit.
383
00:14:25,131 --> 00:14:26,798
Give barry a hug
before you go.
384
00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:30,101
It may be some time
before you get a chance
to do it again.
385
00:14:30,103 --> 00:14:32,370
Not a good time, dan.
386
00:14:33,372 --> 00:14:36,407
Adult adam: Even though my mom bribed erica to say "I love you,"
387
00:14:36,409 --> 00:14:39,811
She was so giddy with the results that she doubled down.
388
00:14:39,813 --> 00:14:41,412
Dad! There's my guy!
389
00:14:41,414 --> 00:14:44,115
Just wanted to say
I love you.
390
00:14:44,283 --> 00:14:46,017
I love you so much.
391
00:14:46,019 --> 00:14:46,784
She really does.
392
00:14:46,786 --> 00:14:48,052
What the hell's going on
with you two?
393
00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:49,754
Nothing.
I just love you, man.
394
00:14:49,756 --> 00:14:53,091
Did you put her up to this?
First the jacket,
395
00:14:53,093 --> 00:14:53,958
Now new boots?
396
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:55,727
Are you buying her
leather goods
397
00:14:55,729 --> 00:14:58,229
So she'll say "I love you"
to me?
398
00:14:58,231 --> 00:14:59,297
(laughs)
399
00:14:59,299 --> 00:15:00,965
(singsong voice)
guilty!
400
00:15:00,967 --> 00:15:03,134
(laughing)
come on.
401
00:15:03,769 --> 00:15:04,502
I am guilty. Yes.
402
00:15:04,504 --> 00:15:07,538
Stop pulling strings, dad!
I love you. Just drop it.
403
00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:09,374
Well,
I don't accept it.
404
00:15:09,376 --> 00:15:11,276
What?
You can't reject my love.
405
00:15:11,278 --> 00:15:14,679
Oh, I reject it.
I reject it but good.
406
00:15:14,681 --> 00:15:16,381
Take it.
Take the "I love you."
407
00:15:16,383 --> 00:15:19,484
Just take it, murray.
It's love. Take it.
408
00:15:19,486 --> 00:15:22,654
No.
She's using it as a weapon.
409
00:15:22,656 --> 00:15:23,554
I love you!
410
00:15:23,556 --> 00:15:25,590
(gasps)
see? It stings doesn't it?
411
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:28,059
Oh, you want it
to sting?
412
00:15:28,061 --> 00:15:29,994
I love you!
Take that.
413
00:15:29,996 --> 00:15:32,196
Is that all you got?
I love you!
414
00:15:32,198 --> 00:15:33,331
I love you so much!
Eat it!
415
00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:35,166
I love you more!
Boom! In your face!
416
00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:36,901
Shut your mouth,
'cause I love you more!
417
00:15:36,903 --> 00:15:39,437
I love you to infinity!
I love you!
418
00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:43,942
My love knows no bounds
all the way to infinity!
419
00:15:43,944 --> 00:15:44,742
Aah!
Aah!
420
00:15:44,744 --> 00:15:47,912
Adult adam:
While my dad and erica were using love as a weapon,
421
00:15:47,914 --> 00:15:50,315
My brother was at our rival high school
422
00:15:50,317 --> 00:15:51,449
With a target on his back.
423
00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:54,319
The fighting quaker didn't have a fighting chance.
424
00:15:54,321 --> 00:15:55,687
(all chanting)
kill the quaker!
425
00:15:55,689 --> 00:15:57,522
(rhythmic clapping)
all: Kill the quaker!
426
00:15:57,524 --> 00:15:58,790
Oh, my god!
Barry, that's you!
427
00:15:58,792 --> 00:15:59,958
You're the one
they're gonna kill.
428
00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:02,093
Dude, just hide on the bus.
That's what I do.
429
00:16:02,095 --> 00:16:03,828
Adult adam: A sane man would have listened,
430
00:16:03,830 --> 00:16:06,030
But my bro was anything but sane.
431
00:16:06,032 --> 00:16:07,966
No! No hiding!
432
00:16:07,968 --> 00:16:09,033
I'm gonna go out there!
433
00:16:09,035 --> 00:16:11,569
It's the least I can do
after you all took me
434
00:16:11,571 --> 00:16:13,404
Into your cheerleading family,
435
00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:15,173
Especially you, lyle.
436
00:16:15,175 --> 00:16:17,041
Not you, kyle. You suck.
437
00:16:17,043 --> 00:16:20,278
Point is, it's been
quite a ride, cheerleaders,
438
00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:22,547
But the ride ends now.
439
00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:25,450
Barry, wait.
Barry, don't do this.
440
00:16:25,452 --> 00:16:26,517
Why do you even care?
441
00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:27,618
Because I love you, okay?
God.
442
00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:30,121
You're just saying that
'cause you don't want me
to die.
443
00:16:30,123 --> 00:16:32,190
Of course I don't want you
to die.
444
00:16:32,192 --> 00:16:35,994
But...
I really do love you.
445
00:16:37,429 --> 00:16:39,964
Then why didn't you
say it back?
446
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:42,266
I was scared, okay?
447
00:16:42,268 --> 00:16:44,769
When my mom left,
it crushed my dad,
448
00:16:44,771 --> 00:16:48,940
So I swore
I'd never be so dumb
to fall in love myself.
449
00:16:48,942 --> 00:16:51,109
But...
You're just so dumb,
450
00:16:51,111 --> 00:16:54,412
You made me fall in love
with you anyway.
451
00:16:54,414 --> 00:16:57,548
So...
You really love me?
452
00:17:02,054 --> 00:17:04,188
Wait, you're still
going out there?
453
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:05,023
You bet I am.
454
00:17:05,025 --> 00:17:07,158
I'm as strong
as all the oceans,
455
00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:09,627
As powerful
as a really big magnet.
456
00:17:09,629 --> 00:17:11,462
As awesome
as a thunder cat!
457
00:17:11,464 --> 00:17:16,634
Because lainey lewis
loves barry goldberg!
458
00:17:16,969 --> 00:17:21,072
Adult adam: It was a moment my brother would hold onto forever.
459
00:17:21,074 --> 00:17:22,507
The girl of his dreams loved him back,
460
00:17:22,509 --> 00:17:25,109
And nothing could hurt him now.
461
00:17:25,111 --> 00:17:29,347
Well, nothing except a vengeful mob of angry fans.
462
00:17:30,015 --> 00:17:32,884
But as I watched my brother single-handedly battle
463
00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:34,519
An entire high school, I realized
464
00:17:34,521 --> 00:17:38,389
That with love on your side, you can take on anything.
465
00:17:38,391 --> 00:17:40,892
Sure, there's nothing more dangerous or scary
466
00:17:40,894 --> 00:17:43,027
Than putting your heart on the line.
467
00:17:43,029 --> 00:17:44,629
But as I raced into the night,
468
00:17:44,631 --> 00:17:49,233
I knew that love was a risk worth taking.
469
00:17:51,236 --> 00:17:52,603
Adam.
470
00:17:52,605 --> 00:17:54,472
Dana. I...
471
00:17:54,474 --> 00:17:57,642
What? What's wrong?
(paper crinkles)
472
00:17:57,743 --> 00:17:59,110
I wrote you
this whole thing
473
00:17:59,112 --> 00:18:02,580
'cause I was so scared
to say it out loud.
474
00:18:02,948 --> 00:18:05,216
I'm not scared anymore.
475
00:18:05,218 --> 00:18:07,885
Dana, I love you.
476
00:18:09,021 --> 00:18:10,555
I love you.
477
00:18:10,557 --> 00:18:11,823
I...
478
00:18:12,858 --> 00:18:14,659
...Love you, too.
479
00:18:15,461 --> 00:18:18,329
And that's what makes
all this so hard.
480
00:18:18,331 --> 00:18:21,933
I just...Didn't know
how to tell you.
481
00:18:21,935 --> 00:18:23,668
Tell me what?
482
00:18:23,670 --> 00:18:27,638
We're not going to seattle
just for the summer.
483
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:31,109
My dad got offered
a job there, so...
484
00:18:31,111 --> 00:18:33,678
We're gonna see
if we like it.
485
00:18:34,913 --> 00:18:37,248
But you can't
just leave.
486
00:18:37,382 --> 00:18:38,783
Here.
487
00:18:39,852 --> 00:18:42,520
My green lantern ring?
488
00:18:44,089 --> 00:18:46,757
Hopefully, I'm there
on the first day of school
489
00:18:46,759 --> 00:18:49,193
And you can
give it back to me.
490
00:18:52,464 --> 00:18:54,298
(kisses)
491
00:18:54,633 --> 00:18:56,634
Goodbye, adam.
492
00:18:57,035 --> 00:18:58,736
Adult adam: That's the thing about young love.
493
00:18:58,738 --> 00:19:02,907
As magical as it is, it's just as unpredictable.
494
00:19:04,076 --> 00:19:06,077
Doing some
rage-packing, huh?
495
00:19:06,079 --> 00:19:07,578
Well, wonder
where I get it from.
496
00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:09,914
Shmoopie, I can't let you
leave things this way
497
00:19:09,916 --> 00:19:10,681
With your father.
498
00:19:10,683 --> 00:19:13,451
(scoffs) we were totally fine
before you broke us.
499
00:19:13,453 --> 00:19:14,952
No, I get it now.
500
00:19:14,954 --> 00:19:16,821
Just 'cause I say
"I love you" all the time
501
00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:19,290
Doesn't mean you have to.
I just...
502
00:19:19,292 --> 00:19:22,093
Wanted both of you
to know how you feel
about each other.
503
00:19:22,095 --> 00:19:25,830
He's my dad.
I love him
more than anything.
504
00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,231
Trust me, he knows.
505
00:19:27,233 --> 00:19:28,499
Adult adam: And she was right. He really did.
506
00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:33,504
Even though erica and my dad were never able to actually say the words,
507
00:19:33,506 --> 00:19:35,039
They didn't have to.
508
00:19:35,041 --> 00:19:36,474
Because when it comes to family,
509
00:19:36,476 --> 00:19:38,075
You know in your heart how they feel...
510
00:19:38,077 --> 00:19:39,277
I love you, I love you,
I love you.
511
00:19:39,279 --> 00:19:43,648
Adult adam: And you carry that love with you no matter how far you go.
512
00:19:43,650 --> 00:19:46,017
So...
So...
513
00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:49,253
Uh, have a nice summer,
peanut.
514
00:19:50,255 --> 00:19:51,989
And, uh...
515
00:19:53,492 --> 00:19:55,960
I know, dad. Me too.
516
00:20:00,699 --> 00:20:02,433
You okay?
517
00:20:03,235 --> 00:20:04,769
Okay, come on. I'm sorry.
518
00:20:04,771 --> 00:20:06,971
Adult adam: Looking back on your childhood is a funny thing.
519
00:20:06,973 --> 00:20:10,708
Sure, the details get fuzzy, and the days blend together.
520
00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:13,044
But the good news is all the hurt fades away,
521
00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:14,879
And you just end up remembering the love.
522
00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:20,618
You remember your family. You remember 1980-something.
523
00:20:20,719 --> 00:20:23,487
And you wouldn't change a thing.
524
00:20:23,489 --> 00:20:27,325
Our family's here. Ha! Come on and see our family.
525
00:20:27,327 --> 00:20:28,659
I love you.
Oh, geez.
526
00:20:28,661 --> 00:20:29,894
I love you. (laughs)
527
00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:31,629
I love you. I love you.
528
00:20:31,631 --> 00:20:33,864
(all shouting)
529
00:20:35,267 --> 00:20:38,135
Fight, fight,
fight, fight, fight!
530
00:20:38,137 --> 00:20:38,603
Yeah!
531
00:20:38,605 --> 00:20:44,809
Adam: We gather here today to witness the burial of optimus prime.
532
00:20:57,322 --> 00:20:59,257
(upbeat music plays)
533
00:21:13,605 --> 00:21:15,072
Al: Yeah, kiddo!
534
00:21:15,074 --> 00:21:16,941
Barry,
that was amazing.
535
00:21:16,943 --> 00:21:19,210
What's up?
Who's this?
536
00:21:19,212 --> 00:21:21,045
We assumed it was you.
537
00:21:21,047 --> 00:21:23,180
(music continues)
49210
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