All language subtitles for The.Goldbergs.2013.S02E23.1080p.WEB-DL.DD5.1.h.264-NTb_track3_[eng]

Adult adam: Back in the '80s,
they combined

The two greatest things
in the world...
Music and television.

We all remember our
favorite veejays

Introducing the coolest videos
on a constant loop.

The budgets were
as high as the hair,

And the animation ranged
from dancing cats

To hunky cartoon boyfriends.

And no one was more addicted
to it than me and my sister.

I can't decide whether
that guy's hotter

As a human
or a cartoon.

If jessica rabbit
taught us anything...
Cartoon.

I mean, what did we even do
before mtv existed?

I think we just listened
to music like animals.

Hey!
Get out!

You've been watching
this music mtv television
for six hours.

Enough is enough.
Go do your homework.

Well, if you think about it,
I'm gonna be a musician,

So this is my homework.

And if you really think
about it,

My life's passion
is making films,

So this is
my homework, too.

Well, my passion
is snuggies,

Which I'm gonna
shower you with

If you don't leave
right now.

Go before I kiss
your belly.

(makes kissing sound)

And you...
Have you even looked

At the college catalogs
I brought you?

Actually, I have,

And I've narrowed it down
to my top choices.

(laughing) oh, yes!
It's happening!

You're growing up.

Oh, no. It's happening.
I'm not ready for this.

Make time stop.
Make it stop!

Focus!

Okay, one option is
the london conservatory
of music.

Ocean between us.
Pass.

There's also an awesome
music program at ucla.

Country between us.
Pass.

Boston school of music.

A connecticut between us.
Pass.

Mom.
What about something
here in town,

Like the prestigious
jenkintown funk academy?

That's
the dance studio/karate dojo

Next to
the mattress store.

(sighs) there's got to be
something within
driving distance.

Well, I guess juilliard
is in new york.

That's my dream school,
but no one gets in.

(gasps)

We're going
to juilliard.

Okay, stop.
That's the best school
in the country.

Best for you,
closest for me.

I am gonna
make this happen.

I'm not getting in.
We're going
to juilliard.

It's impossible.

We're going
to juilliard!

¶ I'm twisted up inside

¶ but nonetheless
I feel the need to say

¶ I don't know the future

¶ but the past keeps getting
clearer every day ¶

Adult adam:
It was may 6, 1980-something.

The school day was going off
without a hitch,

All thanks to the watchful eye
of principal earl ball.

Let's go, youngsters.

Activate those legs

So we can activate
those minds.

Ooh, yes.

That's definitely going
into earl's pearls.

(clattering)
(banging)

(gasps) oh.

Hello there, sir.

Um, there was a spill
in science lab.

And we needed a mop.

We were kissing.
She's pretty.

Why did you call me
when it's usually my wife

Who handles this
annoying school crap?

Well, truthfully,
I couldn't reach her.

And more truthfully,

I didn't try
because she scares me.

Bill: Sorry, I'm late.

We're having a sale
down at the...

Son of a bitch.

Oh, this guy.

Adult adam: And that guy
was lainey's dad,

My father's archenemy,
bill lewis.

Look, I called
you both in here today

Because we need to talk
about what's going on
with your kids.

There's nothing going on,

Because I very clearly
and emphatically forbade it.

Well, for the third time
this week,

I caught them canoodling
in secret.

It's unacceptable.

We have a saying in texas.
"don't blame the armadillo.

"blame the armadillo's
dumb father."

(scoffs) we have
a saying here...
You're bald.

I'll have you know,
the ladies love it.

Eh?
Ball: Okay.

What is happening here
right now?

I'll tell you
what's happening.

This schmuck lives
in philadelphia,

Yet he roots
for the dallas cowboys.

Who does that?

Red-blooded americans,
that's who does that.

Got to say,
it surprises me,

This friction that exists
between the two of you,

Considering
how similar you are.

Please.
Come on.

No, no, no.
For example,
you're both fathers.

You're both
small-business owners.

You both seem very angry.

That is true.
I'll give you that.

And you're both
football fans.

Now, this is a bond
which I can respect

As a lifelong fan of
the new york football giants.

Whoa,
you're a giants fan?

Why the hell do you
live in philadelphia?

He's got a point.

Unlike the giants
last season.

(both laugh)

For your information,

We won the conference
last year, so suck it!

So what I actually
mean to say is
that it's always easier

To get along...

Than be short
with each other.

And that is
one of earl's pearls

You can take to the bank.

Well, thank you
for your wise advice

And, uh,
the giants suck.

Yeah.

They suck so hard.

But good luck
next season.

Oops.

Adult adam: That day,
my dad and bill lewis
discovered

Their mutual hatred
of the giants

Wasn't the only thing
they had in common.

What are
you doing here?

Everyone knows
it's the best bar

Across the street
from the school.

Do you know how
I discovered this place?

Last year's
christmas concert...

I bailed at intermission.

You lasted a lot longer
than I did.

Woof!

Forty kids playing
jingle bells on the clarinet?

I mean, how does that
ever end well?

I'll tell you
how it ends...

With five of these,
bill.

(both laugh)
you got that right,
murray.

Hey. Bill murray,
like the ghostbuster.
(both laugh)

That's funny.
I love bill murray.

Oh, he's the best.

Remember,
uh, caddyshack?
Yeah.

(mimicking carl spackler)
"cinderella story.

"used to be a greenskeeper,
about to be masters champion.

"got about an eight iron,
I think.

"it's in the hole."
(both laugh)

"it's in the hole.
I'm in 'stripes'."

(in normal voice)
wow. That is terrible.

Yeah.
Impressions aren't my thing.

(mimicking carl spackler)
"well, at least you got
that going for you."

As my dad started to break
the ice with his arch nemesis,

My mom was heating up
her quest

To make erica's dream
of juilliard come true.

Mrs. Goldberg,
I understand

That the college
admissions process

Can be
a very scary journey.

The best thing I can say is
I'm scared, too.

Honestly,
it is hard out there.

Wow.
That's your opening?

I'm sorry. I've been up
for the past 26 hours.

I have a sick parrot
at home.

Well, the good news is,
we've narrowed down

Our top choice
to juilliard.

I know it's a long shot,

But do you think
I have a chance
of getting in?

Absolutely.

Erica, you can do
anything that you set
your mind to.

It's like
my posters say...

"keep reaching
for the stars."

"hang in there."

And that's the band rush.

That's because
I'm the cool
guidance counselor

Who shows up at
the school basketball games

In a casual polo.

See, erica?
This can happen.

This is so cool.
(laughs)

Well, I'm gonna go
work on my audition.
Thanks, mom.

(chuckles)
oh, that's the spirit.

You can do
anything you want.
Anything at...

Ah, yeah,
she ain't gonna get in.

Excuse me?

Look, erica is
very talented,

But juilliard is
another level, okay?

They only take
the best of the best.

And that's my daughter.

Okay, let me break it down
for you.

Imagine all
of the best people...

In a room.

They only pick the best
of those best people.

My daughter.
Okay.

Maybe I'm not
making myself clear.

We start with the best.
My daughter.

Not just
at this school...

But of all the people...
The whole world.

They only pick the best
of those best people.

So, when can we take
a tour?

You know, maybe a visual aid
might help you

Understand this
a little bit better.

This is patty snitzenberg.
She wrote this piece.

She carved the cello.

She's also blind.

And they rejected her

Like the cold
sons of bitches
that they are.

Well, erica is getting
into juilliard.
You want to know why?

'cause I will
make it happen.
(chuckles)

You don't know the things
I've done for my children.

You don't want to know.

I kind of want to know.
You cannot know.

Look,
this has to happen.

I convinced her to apply.
I gave her hope.

Yeah, I used to have
a hope poster
up there, too.

Then I realized
it was giving the kids

Too much unrealistic hope.

Adult adam:
But with my mom in charge,
we didn't need hope.

Meanwhile, my dad
was charged up
on his new friendship.

Look at
you handsome fellas.

The hell's the matter
with you?

Yeah.

You seem happy
when you should be
super angry with me.

Nah.
You're a cute kid.

What?
Okay,
what's going on here?

Nothing. I just had lunch
with bill lewis.

You know, once you get past
the shiny head...
Not so awful.

Oh, my god.
You're friends now?

Let's not get crazy.
This is amazing!

If mr. Lewis likes you,
then he'll like me.

I'm proud of you,
mur.

Never thought
I'd see the day

Where you made
a friend.

What are you talking about?
I got friends.

Name one.
Vic.

He's your employee.

You pay him
to be around you.

What about deli guy?
Love deli guy.

You only love him
'cause he gives you
corned beef.

Do you even know
what he looks like?

Yeah, deli guy.
You know, uh,
wears an apron.

Goes like this.

Barry: (sighs)
face it, dad.

This is your
first real friend.

So, when are you
hanging out next?

Okay, he's just a guy
I had lunch with.

It's no big deal.

(telephone rings)

Hello?

Hold on.

(whispers) it's him.

Play it cool.

Tell him you're
on the other line
with another friend.

Get out of here.

Hey, bill.

Yeah. Nothing.
Just, uh...

Watching the tube.
(sighs)

Are you kidding?

I love cheesesteaks.

Barry!

Get off the phone.
I can hear you breathing.

(whispers) ask him
how he's feeling,

Then compliment
his telephone voice.
Barry!

Adult adam:
As my dad made plans
with his new best friend,

My mom had her own plan

To make erica look
like the best of the best.

Hi, juilliard admissions
board.

I'm erica goldberg from
jenkintown, pennsylvania.

And I'm going
to play...
Cut.

Cut.
That's a cut.

No, not "cut."

I'm in the middle
of my juilliard audition.

Hon, I love the spirit
and the passion

And everything
you're doing here,

But it's, like,
"gag me with a spoon."

Sorry, do you kids
still say that?

We never really did.

You need a video
that stands out,

Like the ones on your
mtv music television.

Ooh, I like
where you're
heading here.

We're talking
crazy camera angles,

Pyrotechnics,
jiggly girls.

Everyone loves
jiggly girls.

We'll put a pin
in that one.

Guys, juilliard is
a serious place.

I just need
to showcase my voice.

You said it yourself...

Mtv is the way
people want to experience
music these days.

Sure, you can sing.

But we also want
show them

That you're a star
like madonna.

But you
really are a virgin.

Say you're a virgin.
Actually, no,
don't tell me.

I guess a cool audition tape
would kind of make me
stand out.

You focus on your music
and leave the rest to us.

Yeah.

By the time we're done,

Juilliard will be
begging you to go.

Just trust mama.
Erica:
Nothing crazy.

(chuckles)
you got it, schmoopie.

We got to figure out
how to get

A white stallion
down here.

Adult adam:
It was Saturday afternoon,
and my dad was about to take

His friendship with bill lewis
to the next level.

I'm going out.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Wait.

Going where? Dmv?

Car wash?

Picking up trash
on the highway?

I'm meeting bill lewis.

Exactly.

This is the first time
you're hanging out

With your new,
special friend.

You're looking
like a Monday morning

When I need you
to look like
a Friday night.

I usually sit
in front of the tv

With no pants
on Friday night.

Seems like that's
most nights.

Look, lainey and I need
this friendship to work.

That means putting in
some actual effort.

But not too much effort.

You don't want to seem like
you're trying too hard.

Here, let me fix this.
Stop it, you moron.

I'm having cheesesteaks
with another middle-aged man.

He doesn't care
what I look like.

Of course not.

Although my dad does have

Some surprisingly strong
opinions about loafers.

He's not a fan.

Would you consider
changing to a lace-up?

No!
Where'd you get my shoes?

Do you even have
an icebreaker?

Anecdote,
topic of conversation,
funny joke?

You guys are nuts.

(groans)
get out of my head!

Adult adam:
And so began the first

And only bromance
of murray goldberg's life.

For the next two weeks,
their adventures would
become the stuff of legend.

¶ everybody have fun tonight
bill and murray were
a dynamic duo

That shared
so much in common...

¶ everybody have fun tonight
like tv... And sitting.

¶ everybody wang chung tonight
and food and more food

And bathroom breaks...

¶ everybody have fun tonight
and napping...

And sitting and sweating...

¶ everybody wang chung tonight
could you turn
the air-conditioning on?

Right over there.
(grunts)

And tv...
(both laugh)

And more tv.
You think I could pull off
a magnum mustache?

You throw away your razor
and buy a hawaiian shirt,

Because you are magnum.
(chuckles)

¶ everyone ¶
a sony watchman.

Bill,
you shouldn't have.

Well, I saw it,
and a tv
reminded me of you.

One and a half inch screen,
glorious black-and-white,

And you can take this
thing anywhere and no
one will even notice.

This is perfect for
my on-the-go lifestyle.
(chuckles)

Adult adam:
Yup, my dad was discovering
the highs of true friendship.

Unfortunately, he was
about to discover the lows.

Well, it's late.
I guess I should go.

You sure you don't want
to watch me watch?

Nah, I can't.

To be honest,
I should probably
be by myself.

Tough night
for me and all.

Okay.

'cause seven years ago today
my wife left me

To raise lainey
on my own.

O-okay.

Kind of
rocked my world.
O-okay.

I guess talking it out
would be helpful.

Or taking
a nice walk alone.

(exhales deeply)

And with that,
bill lewis opened up his heart

To my closed-off dad.

(sobbing)
I wish I had
some batteries.

Meanwhile, I was downstairs
kicking off my career

As a visionary
music video director.

Whoa.
What's with the stool, honey?

Don't call me "honey."
it's weird.

And what's
all this crap?

Okay, I watched
seven straight hours of mtv,

And I cracked
their formula.

A music video is
one part thumping bass,

One part big hair,
and one part
animated dancing cat.

Go away.
Trust your director.

Ditch the stool
and sit on this taxidermy ram.

And my mom said
I was creepy for owning this.

Um,
why is dave kim here?

We needed a crew,
and he said
he would work for free

If he could stand
close to you.

Classic love story.
Pop star falls for roadie.

That's never happened
in the history of music.

Oh, it will.
In fact, it's already begun.

Action.

(wind whooshing)
¶ you with the sad eyes

¶ don't be discouraged

Adult adam:
As director, it was my job

To amp up my sister's
tender love ballad.

First, the wind machine...

(exclaims) why?

Next,
a rock 'n' roll reptile...

¶ so small... ¶

Followed by a thick,
haunting fog.

(coughs)
can anyone hear me?

And since
all my mom cared about

Was getting erica
into juilliard,

She paid for a blue screen.

Stop it.
Mom, what are you doing?

It's a dancing cat
like in the paula abdul video.

My mom even hired
a band of sexy,

Stone-faced,
robert palmer dancers

From the jenkintown
funk academy.

Yep, I drew from every
badass music video before me,

From a-ha to zz top,

And it was genius.

(sobbing)
meanwhile, my dad was looking
for a clever way

To bail on his friend.

Hey, guys.

(sobbing)
(whispers)
help me.

I should go.

(groans)
(clears throat)

No, I should.
Uh...

(bill breathing heavily)

Murray: Okay,
let's go out
the back door.

Come on.

(groans)
thanks for this, mur.

It's nice to have
a friendly ear to count on.

(sniffles)
see you soon?

Yeah,
we'll be in touch.

Drive safe, pal.
(door closes)

And that concludes
my brief foray
into friendship.

Wait, what?
No!

He cried on my shirt...
On my shirt!

Deli guy never cries
on my shirt.

Deli guy isn't
your friend!

I'm sorry,
but bill's got to go.

Don't you
dare hurt him.

He's a wonderful person
and the gatekeeper

To the only hot girl
I ever tricked
into liking me.

It's over, barry.
Move on.

Okay, I don't want
to get real right now,

But if you blow
this friendship,

I'm gonna be
extremely angry.

You're always angry.

Damn it! It's so true
and even more angering!
(sighs)

Adult adam: For the next week,
my dad avoided bill lewis

As my mom
desperately waited

For me to finish
my masterpiece.

(groans)
I'm trying to work here.

The deadline for juilliard
is this week.

Just show us
what you've got.
(sighs)

¶ so don't be afraid
to let them show

¶ your true colors ¶

Stop it!
Stop it. Stop.

This part's
definitely not right.

Adult adam: I said,
knowing what was to come.

My intention was for erica
to be beckoned

Into a magical cartoon world
like in the a-ha video,

But it ended up looking
like this.

Erica:
¶ ...Inside you
can make you feel so small

¶ and I see your
true colors ¶

Oh, no, no, no,
no, no, no.
(player stops)

My god!

Here's the thing.
I may have bitten off
more than I could chew.

It turns out animation
is really hard

And it requires
hundreds of people.

This is terrible!
I can't send this in.

Look, we all agree
this video isn't it.

Not it? Are you seeing
what I'm seeing?

There's robots punching
dragons,

And I'm a droopy-eyed
stick figure riding a unicorn!

Gag me with a spoon!

See, I knew you still used
that phrase.

You know, I could
probably cover
a lot of this with smoke.

A lot of (bleep) smoke.

Just forget it.
I'm not an idiot.

I know I'm not the best,

And I probably have
no chance
of getting into juilliard.

Adult adam:
And at that moment,

My mom knew
erica was right.

I'm sorry, mom,
but it's over.

Turns out, my mom's dream
of keeping erica close to home

Was only pushing them apart.

Ever since
bill's emotional outburst,

My dad had been
avoiding him.

Only problem,
he couldn't hide forever.

(bell dings)

Ooh. Hide me.

Huh?

Hey, mur.

There you are,
standing behind
that other guy.

It's me, bill lewis.

Oh, hey, bill.

What are you doing here,
where I work?

Hadn't heard from you
in a week.

Thought I'd drop on by,
see if you're okay.

Yeah, well, uh,
we've just been
crazy-busy here at work.

(chuckles) yeah.

Anyway, hey,
you want to hit tgi fridays?

It's like every day is Friday
at that place.

Actually, I got
lunch plans with vic.

Who's vic?
I'm vic.

You and vic buddies?

I never heard you
mention him before.

Yeah, we don't hang out much.
He's just an employee.

Was I just an employee

When we went
clamming together
that one time?

You went clamming
with this man,
and you didn't invite me?

I didn't
even know you then.

It was nothing.
Oh, is that right?

What's the problem here,
mur-man?

You know what
the real problem is?

You and your
man tears.

Murray's got walls.
How about you, vic?

You want to hit up
tgi fridays with me?

No, man.
I don't know you.

Well, this is
a fine how-do-you-do.

I'll see you never.

Walls, murray.
You got walls.

Adult adam:
As my dad watched his only
friend walk out of his life,

My mom was finally
ready to set erica off
on her own path.

Hey, schmoopie-boops.

Stop it. I told you
no more music mtv videos.

Agreed.

This is the way you
should have done it
all along, your way.

W-what's the point?

The point is to try.

Look, don't give up

Just because I pushed you
in the wrong direction.

My mom finally accepted
that she couldn't control

Where her little girl
would get into college.

Take this guitar...

And do what you do best.

But as long as erica
stayed true to herself,

She'd always find
her way back home.

¶ you with the sad eyes

¶ don't be discouraged

¶ oh, I realize

¶ it's hard to take courage

¶ in a world full of people

Miss him, don't you?
No.

Then why are you watching
the teeny tv he gave you

When there's a big one
right there?

Maybe it was kind of nice
to have somebody
to hang out with...

Even though he cried.

Murray, that's
what friendship is.

You got to be there
in the good times
and in the bad.

I guess I'm just not
cut out for
that kind of thing.

No, you are.

'cause of all the friends
I ever made in my life...

¶ your true colors

¶ true colors
you're my favorite.

Turns out, bill wasn't
my father's first friend.

It was pops.

And it made my dad realize
that opening yourself up

Isn't as hard
as he thought.

Hey.

Oh, it's you.

Should I leave?

'cause you never know
when I might express
my feelings.

You know,
like a human being.

If you're sad,

You can talk to me
about your ex-wife and all.

I'm actually
feeling better today.

Thank god.

(chuckles)

¶ don't be unhappy
hey, bill murray.

¶ can't remember
it's funny how life works out.

You find that your worst enemy
can become your greatest ally.

And the greatest
guidance counselors

Aren't the ones you're given
in school.

They're the people
who love you most.

¶ just call me up
well, here goes nothing.

¶ because you know
I'll be there
no matter what happens...

¶ I see your true colors
you'll always be the best
of the best to me.

¶ shining through

'cause in the end,
when you've got family
to help guide you

And good friends
to lean on...

¶ and that's why I love you ¶
nothing in life is
impossible.

(mimicking dr. Peter venkman)
"and the flowers
are still standing."

(laughs) "I'm bill murray.
'meatballs' and 'scrooged'."

(in normal voice)
you know, that's not really
an impression.

Funny movies, though.
(both laugh)

Bill: They're very funny.
Murray: Funny movies.

(inaudible)

(bell dings)

I know you still got
a couple of years here,

But we like
to check in early

To see where
you're thinking
of going to college.

Where did you
go to school?
Princeton.

Okay. Let's cross that
off the list.

Princeton happens to be
a very prestigious university.

But you're here.

So...
Hey...

I have a lot
of side projects.

Like what?
I sculpt.

I'm working on
a heart-smart cookbook.

And I have my bird.

Yeah, maybe there's
someone else I can talk to.

That'd probably be best.

Hang in there, andre.
Hang in there.