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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,066 --> 00:00:02,968 Adult adam: Back in the '80s, this is what cool looked like. 2 00:00:02,970 --> 00:00:05,304 The makeup was as heavy as the perfume, 3 00:00:05,306 --> 00:00:06,705 The hair crimped and curled, 4 00:00:06,707 --> 00:00:09,875 And most importantly, the shoulders bared. 5 00:00:09,877 --> 00:00:11,510 Even though my sister owned the look, 6 00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:13,812 It was a bumpy ride to get her there. 7 00:00:13,814 --> 00:00:14,580 Back in ninth grade, 8 00:00:14,582 --> 00:00:18,584 My sister was a giant ball of awkwardness. 9 00:00:19,252 --> 00:00:20,252 Hi, dan. 10 00:00:20,254 --> 00:00:21,320 (gasps) 11 00:00:21,322 --> 00:00:22,388 Cool clarinet. (laughs) 12 00:00:22,390 --> 00:00:26,191 (lisping) um... So, I know I've asked a few times, 13 00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:27,526 But did you ever figure out 14 00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:29,595 Your plans for the winter formal? 15 00:00:29,597 --> 00:00:30,462 Listen, erica... 16 00:00:30,464 --> 00:00:33,132 I only like you as a lab partner. 17 00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:35,034 And to be honest, e-even then, 18 00:00:35,036 --> 00:00:38,103 I fantasize about other lab partners, 19 00:00:38,105 --> 00:00:39,505 So... 20 00:00:39,507 --> 00:00:42,241 Adult adam: But then, a miracle happened. 21 00:00:42,243 --> 00:00:44,243 Erica goldberg got contact lenses, 22 00:00:44,245 --> 00:00:48,580 Stopped shampooing with bar soap, lost her braces, 23 00:00:48,582 --> 00:00:52,851 And learned how to tame her rat's nest. 24 00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:54,787 And just like that, 25 00:00:54,789 --> 00:00:58,757 My sister blossomed from awkward to awesome. 26 00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:01,727 Hey. Hi, erica. 27 00:01:02,195 --> 00:01:03,162 Hey, don. 28 00:01:03,164 --> 00:01:04,296 It's, uh... It's dan. 29 00:01:04,298 --> 00:01:07,833 But you could call me don if you like that name better. 30 00:01:07,835 --> 00:01:09,902 In fact, erica was so awesome that in one week, 31 00:01:09,904 --> 00:01:13,405 She would get to be on the coolest tv show 32 00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:16,075 Proudly filmed in our hometown. 33 00:01:16,077 --> 00:01:17,543 It was dance party usa... 34 00:01:17,545 --> 00:01:19,511 30 minutes of fierce '80s grooving 35 00:01:19,513 --> 00:01:22,047 Featuring the hottest girls and baddest boys 36 00:01:22,049 --> 00:01:23,649 In the skimpiest of belly shirts. 37 00:01:23,651 --> 00:01:25,851 Holy god, look at those dance moves! 38 00:01:25,853 --> 00:01:27,920 Lainey: I'd do anything to tease my bangs that high. 39 00:01:27,922 --> 00:01:31,056 Just think. In one week, everyone in school 40 00:01:31,058 --> 00:01:32,791 Will see us dancing under those neon lights. 41 00:01:32,793 --> 00:01:34,393 We'll be regionally famous. 42 00:01:34,395 --> 00:01:36,128 So, what moves you gonna bust out first? 43 00:01:36,130 --> 00:01:37,930 I'm thinking I'd walk like an egyptian 44 00:01:37,932 --> 00:01:39,765 Right into the safety dance. (lainey squealing) 45 00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:43,302 Speaking of dancing, barry has arrived! 46 00:01:43,304 --> 00:01:44,369 Whoo! God, barry. 47 00:01:44,371 --> 00:01:47,539 The only thing worse than your moves is your gross eye. 48 00:01:47,541 --> 00:01:49,274 It's just pink eye. Everyone gets it. 49 00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:53,445 Everyone doesn't get it from a kaleidoscope they found under a bridge. 50 00:01:53,447 --> 00:01:55,347 A goopy eye is well worth 51 00:01:55,349 --> 00:01:58,417 The colorful view of the world this baby's given me. 52 00:01:58,419 --> 00:02:00,119 Honey, you're gonna give it to your other eye. 53 00:02:00,121 --> 00:02:01,987 Huh? Adult adam: Unlike erica, 54 00:02:01,989 --> 00:02:03,489 Barry was still struggling to find his awesomeness, 55 00:02:03,491 --> 00:02:07,426 And growing that rat tail last summer didn't really help. 56 00:02:07,428 --> 00:02:08,060 This... 57 00:02:08,062 --> 00:02:10,462 Will always be awesome. 58 00:02:11,498 --> 00:02:13,565 I'm so stoked to be on tv! 59 00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:16,401 I want to make sure I lock down a solo platform. 60 00:02:16,403 --> 00:02:18,003 That sounds like a perfect plan. 61 00:02:18,005 --> 00:02:20,305 But there's only one teeny, tiny problem... 62 00:02:20,307 --> 00:02:21,306 You're not coming. 63 00:02:21,308 --> 00:02:23,542 Lainey, you're my girl, girl. 64 00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:25,210 Talk some sense into her. 65 00:02:25,212 --> 00:02:26,712 You don't want him to go? 66 00:02:26,714 --> 00:02:27,412 No. Sorry. 67 00:02:27,414 --> 00:02:29,781 Did everything I could. Come on, baby. 68 00:02:29,783 --> 00:02:32,584 Look in my good eye and give me one reason why? 69 00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:34,620 Barry, this is going on tv. 70 00:02:34,622 --> 00:02:35,721 They don't want spazzy dancing freaks 71 00:02:35,723 --> 00:02:38,657 Who lose their mind when the lunch lady runs out of pudding. 72 00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:40,159 That only happened three times! 73 00:02:40,161 --> 00:02:43,529 They should know by now to fully stock the pudding! 74 00:02:43,531 --> 00:02:44,930 Sweetie, you're doing it again. 75 00:02:44,932 --> 00:02:48,867 Fine. I'll just... Dance it off, okay? 76 00:02:49,202 --> 00:02:50,602 Watch me go. 77 00:02:50,604 --> 00:02:52,471 How can you deny the world 78 00:02:52,473 --> 00:02:54,840 This sweet rhythmic magic, huh? 79 00:02:54,842 --> 00:02:57,009 Oh, is this happening? What? 80 00:02:57,011 --> 00:02:59,011 Barry: Get away! I'm contagious! 81 00:02:59,013 --> 00:03:00,746 The only thing that's contagious 82 00:03:00,748 --> 00:03:03,315 Are your sweet dance moves. 83 00:03:03,317 --> 00:03:04,883 ¶ I'm twisted up inside 84 00:03:04,885 --> 00:03:08,820 ¶ but nonetheless I feel the need to say 85 00:03:10,823 --> 00:03:11,924 ¶ I don't know the future 86 00:03:11,926 --> 00:03:16,028 ¶ but the past keeps getting clearer every day ¶ 87 00:03:16,030 --> 00:03:18,297 Adult adam: It was April 29, 1980-something, 88 00:03:18,299 --> 00:03:19,765 And I was about to spend the day 89 00:03:19,767 --> 00:03:23,669 With the most magical badass I knew... Pops. 90 00:03:23,671 --> 00:03:24,303 Here you go, boys. 91 00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:26,405 Toad in the hole for my snuggle face, 92 00:03:26,407 --> 00:03:27,206 Raisin bran and prune juice 93 00:03:27,208 --> 00:03:29,575 For the coolest and most regular daddy I know. 94 00:03:29,577 --> 00:03:31,310 That's a pass on breakfast, bev. 95 00:03:31,312 --> 00:03:34,980 Me and the kid are headed out for a big day on the town. 96 00:03:34,982 --> 00:03:36,215 First, tennis at the club. 97 00:03:36,217 --> 00:03:38,016 And if there's time, we hit the art museum. 98 00:03:38,018 --> 00:03:40,485 Honestly, there should be a museum for the two of you. 99 00:03:40,487 --> 00:03:43,822 It will be called the shmoopie center for cuteness 100 00:03:43,824 --> 00:03:45,290 And I will be the curator 101 00:03:45,292 --> 00:03:46,725 And people will line up for blocks 102 00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:48,093 Just to delight in your deliciousness. 103 00:03:48,095 --> 00:03:50,529 She just had her morning coffee. You go. 104 00:03:50,531 --> 00:03:51,597 I'll stay and be a body in the room for her. 105 00:03:51,599 --> 00:03:54,633 Adult adam: And go we did, but not to tennis or a museum, no. 106 00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:58,637 ¶ you got the touch we headed to the south jersey gem known as atlantic city. 107 00:03:58,639 --> 00:04:02,641 ¶ you got the power back then, it was a sketchy, degenerate wonderland 108 00:04:02,643 --> 00:04:05,811 Where they actually let in a baby-faced boy like me... 109 00:04:05,813 --> 00:04:07,012 No questions asked. 110 00:04:07,014 --> 00:04:09,815 Pops' game of choice was craps. 111 00:04:09,817 --> 00:04:11,116 And although no human could understand it, 112 00:04:11,118 --> 00:04:13,151 All I knew was that as long as my grandfather 113 00:04:13,153 --> 00:04:15,954 Had his lucky watch, the man was unstoppable. ¶ you're a winner 114 00:04:15,956 --> 00:04:20,826 ¶ you got the touch ¶ dealer: Seven out. Seven out. 115 00:04:21,027 --> 00:04:22,127 Is that bad? 116 00:04:22,129 --> 00:04:22,761 Oh, not for us. 117 00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:26,632 I dropped a c-note on the come at the last second, 118 00:04:26,634 --> 00:04:27,833 So now we're up 50. 119 00:04:27,835 --> 00:04:30,369 My god, even when you lose you win. 120 00:04:30,371 --> 00:04:33,472 Here you go, al. Seafood buffet on us. 121 00:04:33,474 --> 00:04:35,641 Free all-you-can-eat popcorn shrimp? 122 00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:38,410 Seriously, how does this casino stay in business? 123 00:04:38,412 --> 00:04:40,912 As I was living it up with my hero, 124 00:04:40,914 --> 00:04:42,481 Barry was beyond desperate 125 00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:45,484 To no longer be the crusty eyed zero. 126 00:04:45,486 --> 00:04:47,819 Yo! Big "e"! 127 00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:48,987 Siblings, am I right? 128 00:04:48,989 --> 00:04:50,389 You can't come with us. 129 00:04:50,391 --> 00:04:51,423 Just hear me out. 130 00:04:51,425 --> 00:04:54,893 Dance party usa is the one chance I get 131 00:04:54,895 --> 00:04:55,661 To show everyone at school 132 00:04:55,663 --> 00:04:57,529 That I'm not just a pink-eyed loser 133 00:04:57,531 --> 00:04:59,965 Dating some girl out of his league. 134 00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:01,667 They'll have to respect the guy 135 00:05:01,669 --> 00:05:03,935 Who danced briefly on local television. 136 00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:05,904 I'm begging you with all my heart. 137 00:05:05,906 --> 00:05:07,739 Please do this for me. 138 00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:10,075 I'm glad you came to me with this, 139 00:05:10,077 --> 00:05:11,510 And I really appreciate your honesty. 140 00:05:11,512 --> 00:05:14,179 And now I hope, you can appreciate mine. 141 00:05:14,181 --> 00:05:15,380 I think you're unappealing and gross. 142 00:05:15,382 --> 00:05:20,085 Adult adam: Barry knew no amount of begging could change erica's mind. 143 00:05:20,087 --> 00:05:25,490 What he didn't know was that pink eye is highly contagious. 144 00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:26,892 (school bell rings) ahhh! 145 00:05:26,894 --> 00:05:28,226 What's happening on your face? 146 00:05:28,228 --> 00:05:30,128 I caught barry's gross pink eye. 147 00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:31,163 I can't wear my contacts. 148 00:05:31,165 --> 00:05:33,932 At all? We're supposed to be on tv in three days. 149 00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:35,600 Move it, lainey. Get to class. 150 00:05:35,602 --> 00:05:38,704 Ugh. Take mrs. Magoo with you. 151 00:05:38,838 --> 00:05:41,273 Don't worry, lainey. I'll look fine for tv. 152 00:05:41,275 --> 00:05:42,841 These are just reading glasses. 153 00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:45,610 I don't need them to see. 154 00:05:45,612 --> 00:05:47,079 (clang) 155 00:05:47,081 --> 00:05:47,579 Ahhh! 156 00:05:47,581 --> 00:05:49,214 How did you not see that? 157 00:05:49,216 --> 00:05:52,417 'cause I lied! I want to dance on tv! 158 00:05:52,419 --> 00:05:53,552 Walk it off, goldberg. 159 00:05:53,554 --> 00:05:54,753 Adult adam: As erica was headed 160 00:05:54,755 --> 00:05:56,188 For an emergency dental procedure, 161 00:05:56,190 --> 00:05:58,023 Pops and I were headed home winners. 162 00:05:58,025 --> 00:06:00,926 That's another one for the record books. 163 00:06:00,928 --> 00:06:04,563 Here's your taste of the action, kiddo. 164 00:06:04,565 --> 00:06:06,131 Always a pleasure. 165 00:06:06,133 --> 00:06:07,099 Me too, pops. 166 00:06:07,101 --> 00:06:08,600 I'm just hoping one of these days, 167 00:06:08,602 --> 00:06:10,702 Some of your awesomeness will rub off on me. 168 00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:13,638 What are you talking about? You're plenty awesome. 169 00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:14,206 Not like you. 170 00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:17,042 Your life is a parade of money, free shrimp, 171 00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:20,379 And old ladies that you find hot and I find sad. 172 00:06:20,381 --> 00:06:22,614 You're the luckiest guy I know. 173 00:06:22,616 --> 00:06:23,215 It's like magic. 174 00:06:23,217 --> 00:06:25,050 Trust me, you have it in you, too. 175 00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:27,552 Really? 'cause my life hasn't been magical at all. 176 00:06:27,554 --> 00:06:30,288 Even at magic camp, I was a total third-stringer. 177 00:06:30,290 --> 00:06:33,792 All the magic you need is right in here. 178 00:06:33,794 --> 00:06:37,729 If you just believe in yourself like I do... 179 00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:38,330 You can't lose. 180 00:06:38,332 --> 00:06:40,632 Adult adam: After pops made me realize I was a winner, 181 00:06:40,634 --> 00:06:44,503 I tested my gambling skills at the riskiest game in town... 182 00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:45,070 Finger football. 183 00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:46,738 What do you say we make this interesting? Fine. 184 00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:48,807 The big boys play for lunch snacks. 185 00:06:48,809 --> 00:06:50,709 What did your hot mom pack for dessert today? 186 00:06:50,711 --> 00:06:51,476 She is hot, dude. 187 00:06:51,478 --> 00:06:53,545 Dave kim likes an hourglass shape. 188 00:06:53,547 --> 00:06:55,881 Harkens back to old hollywood. 189 00:06:55,883 --> 00:06:56,948 Shut up, dave kim. 190 00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:58,817 And lunch snacks are adorable, 191 00:06:58,819 --> 00:07:03,054 But I say we play for your hulk issue 181. 192 00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:03,755 What are you offering? 193 00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:05,290 Let me just whip out my money clip here. 194 00:07:05,292 --> 00:07:09,294 How's about every series 1 garbage pail kid I got. 195 00:07:09,296 --> 00:07:10,395 Big mistake, goldberg. 196 00:07:10,397 --> 00:07:12,264 The mistake is yours, bro. 197 00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:13,532 ¶ you got the touch adult adam: This was it. 198 00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:15,467 Thanks to pops, I knew I had the magic touch... 199 00:07:15,469 --> 00:07:18,403 ¶ you got the power ¶ and nothing could stop my luck. 200 00:07:18,405 --> 00:07:19,771 (music stops) (sighs) 201 00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:22,040 Nice doing business with you. Wait. 202 00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:23,241 You can't just walk away now. 203 00:07:23,243 --> 00:07:25,777 Double or nothing. I'm listening. 204 00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:27,379 I bet my megatron. 205 00:07:27,381 --> 00:07:29,281 I bet all my robots. 206 00:07:29,283 --> 00:07:32,617 My entire nintendo system. 207 00:07:33,152 --> 00:07:34,686 All my games. 208 00:07:34,688 --> 00:07:36,354 Is my soul worth anything? 209 00:07:36,356 --> 00:07:38,056 (all groan) 210 00:07:38,758 --> 00:07:40,158 It's gone. 211 00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:41,359 It's all gone. 212 00:07:41,361 --> 00:07:43,161 Walk it off, goldberg. 213 00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:45,597 Adult adam: And so ended the worst losing streak 214 00:07:45,599 --> 00:07:47,299 In finger football history. 215 00:07:47,301 --> 00:07:49,367 What are you doing sitting in the dark? 216 00:07:49,369 --> 00:07:50,635 I had a terrible day. 217 00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:52,737 I gambled pretty bad, and I lost. 218 00:07:52,739 --> 00:07:55,140 Well, hey, that's why you always keep 219 00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:58,310 A spare pair of underpants in your locker. 220 00:07:58,312 --> 00:07:59,044 That gem's for free. 221 00:07:59,046 --> 00:08:02,881 No! I lost my toys to garry ball playing finger football. 222 00:08:02,883 --> 00:08:07,285 Pops convinced me that I was lucky like him, but I'm not. 223 00:08:07,287 --> 00:08:10,422 I found this guy trying to hide under my bed. 224 00:08:10,424 --> 00:08:12,858 I know you're scared, starscream. 225 00:08:12,860 --> 00:08:13,625 So am I. 226 00:08:13,627 --> 00:08:14,860 I'm not sure what I'm watching here, 227 00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:16,761 But at least you learned a valuable lesson. 228 00:08:16,763 --> 00:08:18,296 All gamblers eventually lose. 229 00:08:18,298 --> 00:08:20,665 Not pops. He always wins. It's like the man's magic. 230 00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:24,135 Except he does lose, and there's no such thing as magic. 231 00:08:24,137 --> 00:08:26,137 You do know that, right? So... 232 00:08:26,139 --> 00:08:30,542 You're saying my hero is just a regular old man 233 00:08:30,544 --> 00:08:32,744 And there really is no magic in the world? 234 00:08:32,746 --> 00:08:36,047 Yes. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 235 00:08:36,049 --> 00:08:36,715 Don't listen to him. 236 00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:38,950 You just continue loving pops the way you always have. 237 00:08:38,952 --> 00:08:42,287 Your dad's the reason he gambled all his stuff away. 238 00:08:42,289 --> 00:08:43,388 Well, then pops will fix it. 239 00:08:43,390 --> 00:08:44,856 I'll take him down to the school, 240 00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:46,658 He'll work his magical magic, 241 00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:48,393 And get it all back for you. 242 00:08:48,395 --> 00:08:49,294 Really? Really. 243 00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:50,395 Really? Really. 244 00:08:50,397 --> 00:08:53,231 Adult adam: And with that, my mom rushed off 245 00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:56,101 To settle my gambling debts. 246 00:08:57,136 --> 00:08:59,404 ...19, 20. 247 00:08:59,406 --> 00:09:01,206 All right. (blows whistle) 248 00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:01,806 Hit the showers. 249 00:09:01,808 --> 00:09:06,244 And don't wear your underwear in there like a bunch of weirdos. 250 00:09:06,246 --> 00:09:06,611 Coach. 251 00:09:06,613 --> 00:09:08,747 I'm kind of going through some personal stuff. 252 00:09:08,749 --> 00:09:09,881 Do you have time to talk? 253 00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:12,350 I'm not just your wrestling coach, goldberg. 254 00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:13,552 I'm your life coach. 255 00:09:13,554 --> 00:09:14,953 Now drop and give me feelings. 256 00:09:14,955 --> 00:09:16,254 Everyone in school thinks I'm a joke. 257 00:09:16,256 --> 00:09:18,156 Maybe, I am. I can't change that. 258 00:09:18,158 --> 00:09:20,525 But being on tv is a game changer. 259 00:09:20,527 --> 00:09:22,060 I was thinking if someone taught me 260 00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:23,161 Some sweet dance moves, 261 00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:25,664 Maybe everyone would look past who I really am. 262 00:09:25,666 --> 00:09:27,032 Why you coming to me for this? 263 00:09:27,034 --> 00:09:28,633 I remember you told me you took up tap dancing 264 00:09:28,635 --> 00:09:31,202 To help you with your balance and flexibility. 265 00:09:31,204 --> 00:09:33,438 Not true. Tap is for wuss-bags. 266 00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:35,507 I took modern. It's a man's dance. 267 00:09:35,509 --> 00:09:38,310 So... Maybe, you can help me? Okay, son. 268 00:09:38,312 --> 00:09:41,580 I'm gonna tell you the same thing I told my ex-wife's lawyer... 269 00:09:41,582 --> 00:09:44,349 You better bring everything you got. 270 00:09:44,351 --> 00:09:44,883 Let's dance. 271 00:09:44,885 --> 00:09:47,686 Adult adam: And with that, coach mellor would train barry 272 00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:49,688 To dance his way to local tv stardom. 273 00:09:49,690 --> 00:09:51,122 ¶ you got the touch with moves this flawless, 274 00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:52,857 Erica and lainey would have no choice but to... 275 00:09:52,859 --> 00:09:55,594 But to look past the pink in barry's eye ¶ you got the power 276 00:09:55,596 --> 00:09:59,064 And into the fire in his heart. 277 00:09:59,066 --> 00:10:00,498 ¶ oh 278 00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:03,835 ¶ after all is said and done 279 00:10:03,837 --> 00:10:07,505 ¶ you've never walked you've never run 280 00:10:07,507 --> 00:10:10,542 ¶ you're a winner 281 00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:14,446 ¶ you're at your best when the going gets rough 282 00:10:14,448 --> 00:10:20,051 ¶ you've been put to the test but it's never enough 283 00:10:20,053 --> 00:10:22,554 ¶ you got the touch 284 00:10:24,557 --> 00:10:27,592 ¶ you got the power ¶ 285 00:10:28,928 --> 00:10:30,061 Oh, my god, it's midnight. 286 00:10:30,063 --> 00:10:34,833 Mellor: Welcome to the first midnight of the rest of your life... 287 00:10:34,835 --> 00:10:38,103 (groans) 'cause I taught you to dance. 288 00:10:38,105 --> 00:10:38,536 And now... 289 00:10:38,538 --> 00:10:41,406 You will succeed at the thing you wanted. 290 00:10:41,408 --> 00:10:42,040 Whatever that was. 291 00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:43,775 Adult adam: While barry had some new sweet moves, 292 00:10:43,777 --> 00:10:46,778 My mom was using some old ones on principal ball. 293 00:10:46,780 --> 00:10:48,313 Thank you for agreeing to meet with me 294 00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:49,914 On such short notice, earl. 295 00:10:49,916 --> 00:10:51,549 You're welcome, but technically, 296 00:10:51,551 --> 00:10:52,717 You just pounded on the door 297 00:10:52,719 --> 00:10:54,019 While I tried to hold my breath 298 00:10:54,021 --> 00:10:55,453 Until you heard me gasp for air, 299 00:10:55,455 --> 00:10:56,755 Then you barged right in. 300 00:10:56,757 --> 00:10:58,523 Look, I know you're in a tough position 301 00:10:58,525 --> 00:11:01,593 Being both principal and garry's father, 302 00:11:01,595 --> 00:11:03,728 But something very upsetting 303 00:11:03,730 --> 00:11:05,230 Has happened between our boys. 304 00:11:05,232 --> 00:11:08,967 The finger football fiasco. I am so sorry. 305 00:11:08,969 --> 00:11:11,403 I told garry, gambling in school 306 00:11:11,405 --> 00:11:12,671 Will never be tolerated again. 307 00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:15,640 So, I'll just swing by later and pick up adam's toys? 308 00:11:15,642 --> 00:11:17,409 Oh, gosh no. Garry won them in a bet. 309 00:11:17,411 --> 00:11:18,677 So they're his toys now. 310 00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:22,447 But you just said gambling at school was unacceptable. 311 00:11:22,449 --> 00:11:23,048 Completely. 312 00:11:23,050 --> 00:11:25,884 However, welching on a gentleman's wager is even worse. 313 00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:29,154 That is an important life lesson for our boys to learn. 314 00:11:29,156 --> 00:11:31,423 But I think the takeaway here is, 315 00:11:31,425 --> 00:11:32,891 You never bet against a ball. 316 00:11:32,893 --> 00:11:34,459 Oh, is that the takeaway? 317 00:11:34,461 --> 00:11:35,894 We're an unusually lucky brood. 318 00:11:35,896 --> 00:11:39,497 Well, why not put your money where your mouth is, ball? 319 00:11:39,499 --> 00:11:40,398 Meaning? You may be lucky, 320 00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:44,502 But when it comes to beverly goldberg's love of her children, 321 00:11:44,504 --> 00:11:45,403 She never loses. 322 00:11:45,405 --> 00:11:48,073 If I win, I get adam's things back. 323 00:11:48,075 --> 00:11:48,673 If I lose... 324 00:11:48,675 --> 00:11:51,476 I'll stay out of your office for a week. 325 00:11:51,478 --> 00:11:54,345 (drawer opens) (drawer closes) 326 00:11:57,450 --> 00:12:01,720 Mississippi stud, deuces and one-eyed jacks are wild. 327 00:12:01,722 --> 00:12:02,520 I only know the... The game 328 00:12:02,522 --> 00:12:05,090 Where you do the flippy thing with the card 329 00:12:05,092 --> 00:12:06,424 And the highest one wins. 330 00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:09,494 You want war? You got it. 331 00:12:09,496 --> 00:12:10,495 Ace. Two! 332 00:12:10,497 --> 00:12:12,797 Damn it! Double or nothing. 333 00:12:12,799 --> 00:12:14,799 King. Two! 334 00:12:14,801 --> 00:12:15,500 Damn it! 335 00:12:15,502 --> 00:12:17,635 Shall we go for a year? 336 00:12:17,837 --> 00:12:20,805 How did it go, bev? Did you strong-arm him or what? 337 00:12:20,807 --> 00:12:21,940 I'll explain in the car. 338 00:12:21,942 --> 00:12:24,309 I'm not allowed on school grounds for the next decade. 339 00:12:24,311 --> 00:12:27,846 Hold on. Let me just go in and charm the man. 340 00:12:27,848 --> 00:12:28,847 It's my thing. 341 00:12:28,849 --> 00:12:31,950 Okay, fine, but listen to me very carefully. 342 00:12:31,952 --> 00:12:35,887 Under no circumstances are you to play war. 343 00:12:36,922 --> 00:12:38,323 What happened to your jacket? 344 00:12:38,325 --> 00:12:39,023 (bleep) that guy. 345 00:12:39,025 --> 00:12:41,860 Adult adam: While pops and my mom needed a new plan 346 00:12:41,862 --> 00:12:42,961 To get back my prized possessions, 347 00:12:42,963 --> 00:12:46,631 Barry planned to win over lainey with his new dance moves. 348 00:12:46,633 --> 00:12:48,967 (sneakers squeak) oh, hello. 349 00:12:48,969 --> 00:12:50,602 Barry? (chuckles) 350 00:12:50,604 --> 00:12:52,871 Uh, what are you doing? 351 00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:55,540 Now finish it. 352 00:12:58,110 --> 00:13:00,044 I can't believe I'm saying this, 353 00:13:00,046 --> 00:13:01,446 But that was kind of hot. 354 00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:02,814 Welcome to the new barry, 355 00:13:02,816 --> 00:13:05,717 And the new barry's been working on his moves. 356 00:13:05,719 --> 00:13:06,718 Hmm. What's up, gang? 357 00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:08,086 (both screaming) (lisping) I know. 358 00:13:08,088 --> 00:13:10,321 I messed my teeth up when my face hit that locker 359 00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:13,191 So dr. Chang put me in some temporary braces. 360 00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:16,127 Did dr. Chang do something to your hair, too? 361 00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:19,664 Oh, no, I tried to cheer myself up with a home perm, but... 362 00:13:19,666 --> 00:13:23,601 I can't see good, so...Yeah. 363 00:13:23,603 --> 00:13:24,202 Well, good news is, 364 00:13:24,204 --> 00:13:25,703 The whole package kind of goes together. (chuckles) 365 00:13:25,705 --> 00:13:29,774 Yeah, you have this whole cat lady drifter thing going on. 366 00:13:29,776 --> 00:13:31,009 Shut up, will ya? 367 00:13:31,011 --> 00:13:33,411 I'll totally be camera-ready by tomorrow. 368 00:13:33,413 --> 00:13:34,979 Uh, in light of your recent medical issues, 369 00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:36,181 Maybe I should just go with barry instead? 370 00:13:36,183 --> 00:13:39,217 No. Barry, you're my brother. Talk some sense into her. 371 00:13:39,219 --> 00:13:41,186 Do you want her to go like this? 372 00:13:41,188 --> 00:13:42,687 No. I'm sorry. 373 00:13:42,689 --> 00:13:43,421 I did everything I could. 374 00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:47,192 Fine! I don't want to go to the stupid dance party anyway. 375 00:13:47,194 --> 00:13:51,729 I'll just eat my soft foods and go, hmm? 376 00:13:53,799 --> 00:13:55,333 Dang it, where's the pudding? 377 00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:57,468 Sorry, we're all out. Got some pears, though. 378 00:13:57,470 --> 00:13:59,771 I don't want a pear. I want chocolate. 379 00:13:59,773 --> 00:14:02,106 Again, we have no pudding. 380 00:14:02,108 --> 00:14:02,841 We have pears. 381 00:14:02,843 --> 00:14:05,376 Fine. You want me to take a damn pear? 382 00:14:05,378 --> 00:14:07,378 Then I'll take all the pears, woman. 383 00:14:07,380 --> 00:14:09,848 That way, you'll run out of pears 384 00:14:09,850 --> 00:14:11,349 Instead of pudding! 385 00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:12,617 Adult adam: For the first time, 386 00:14:12,619 --> 00:14:15,854 Erica got a taste of what it was like to be her brother. Oh, my. 387 00:14:15,856 --> 00:14:16,354 Yeah! 388 00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:17,922 But none of barry's public meltdowns 389 00:14:17,924 --> 00:14:21,359 Ever rivaled my sister's pear-throwing, pudding rant. 390 00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:22,594 Huh? Everyone gets a pear! 391 00:14:22,596 --> 00:14:25,997 All right, show's over! My office! (erica screams) 392 00:14:25,999 --> 00:14:27,432 (shoes squeaking) 393 00:14:27,434 --> 00:14:28,633 Whoa! 394 00:14:28,635 --> 00:14:29,067 (thud) 395 00:14:29,069 --> 00:14:31,870 Oh! Ooh, that's gonna be a tough one to walk off. 396 00:14:31,872 --> 00:14:34,172 While erica was forced into detention, 397 00:14:34,174 --> 00:14:35,840 I was forced to entertain myself 398 00:14:35,842 --> 00:14:38,109 With my backup toys form the '70s. 399 00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:41,312 Big news, little man. Guess who just won 400 00:14:41,314 --> 00:14:42,714 All your toys back. 401 00:14:42,716 --> 00:14:43,281 It was me. 402 00:14:43,283 --> 00:14:47,085 Yeah, I did exactly whatever she's about to tell you. 403 00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:47,819 Really? How? 404 00:14:47,821 --> 00:14:50,054 Specifics aren't important. (chuckles) 405 00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:53,258 What matters is that pops once again saved the day. 406 00:14:53,260 --> 00:14:54,859 That's why he's your hero. 407 00:14:54,861 --> 00:14:56,761 He really is. 408 00:15:00,499 --> 00:15:01,566 What the hell is this? 409 00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:04,369 Oh, that's one of those, uh, robo change 'em ups 410 00:15:04,371 --> 00:15:05,536 You love so much. 411 00:15:05,538 --> 00:15:06,437 This is a gobot. 412 00:15:06,439 --> 00:15:08,940 I gambled away all my transformers. 413 00:15:08,942 --> 00:15:11,476 And the difference would be? 414 00:15:11,478 --> 00:15:13,778 This is a transformer... 415 00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:15,647 And this is a gobot. 416 00:15:15,649 --> 00:15:16,547 Look at the obvious difference. 417 00:15:16,549 --> 00:15:19,651 Forget about the robots. Look what you've got here. 418 00:15:19,653 --> 00:15:21,219 (singsong) nintardo! 419 00:15:21,221 --> 00:15:22,620 What did you just call me? 420 00:15:22,622 --> 00:15:24,889 No, it's the thing you play all day long... Nintardo. 421 00:15:24,891 --> 00:15:27,859 Oh, my god, are you combining nintendo and atari 422 00:15:27,861 --> 00:15:29,994 Into some horrible mom word? 423 00:15:29,996 --> 00:15:30,662 Bev, enough. 424 00:15:30,664 --> 00:15:33,798 It's time we just level with the kid. 425 00:15:34,233 --> 00:15:35,600 I, uh... 426 00:15:35,602 --> 00:15:38,636 May have gone to the toy store to replace your toys. 427 00:15:38,638 --> 00:15:42,106 Pops, why couldn't you just win it all back for me? 428 00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:43,574 That's the thing. Over the years, 429 00:15:43,576 --> 00:15:45,810 I may have fudged a few details 430 00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:47,111 About how much I've won. 431 00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:48,780 What are you talking about? 432 00:15:48,782 --> 00:15:50,415 I've see you win so much at casinos, 433 00:15:50,417 --> 00:15:52,884 They shower you with the freshest seafood 434 00:15:52,886 --> 00:15:53,551 The ocean has to offer. 435 00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:57,488 First of all, that seafood is both frozen 436 00:15:57,490 --> 00:15:58,523 And of the lowest quality. 437 00:15:58,525 --> 00:16:02,193 And they give it to you when you bet aggressively and lose. 438 00:16:02,195 --> 00:16:06,564 So, have you been fudging other things, too? 439 00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:08,066 No... Maybe. 440 00:16:08,068 --> 00:16:10,168 What about all your legendary war stories? 441 00:16:10,170 --> 00:16:12,070 Are those true? Well, mostly. 442 00:16:12,072 --> 00:16:14,539 Did you karate-kick mussolini in the face? 443 00:16:14,541 --> 00:16:17,608 No, but I was a very outspoken critic. 444 00:16:17,610 --> 00:16:18,176 Unbelievable. 445 00:16:18,178 --> 00:16:20,845 My whole life, I thought that you were special. 446 00:16:20,847 --> 00:16:23,514 But you're just a liar. 447 00:16:27,086 --> 00:16:29,687 Adult adam: It had been an hour since erica's meltdown, 448 00:16:29,689 --> 00:16:31,656 And she was feeling the pain. 449 00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:32,457 This is a nightmare. 450 00:16:32,459 --> 00:16:37,128 Well, why don't you let coach buck you up with a little story? 451 00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:37,695 Please don't. 452 00:16:37,697 --> 00:16:39,764 It's about an awkward and goofy-looking caterpillar. 453 00:16:39,766 --> 00:16:43,368 She had heart, she had spirit, but nobody saw it 454 00:16:43,370 --> 00:16:47,705 Because on the outside, she had wild hair and a jacked-up eye. 455 00:16:47,707 --> 00:16:49,374 You're clearly talking about me. 456 00:16:49,376 --> 00:16:51,709 No, I'm talking about a caterpillar. 457 00:16:51,711 --> 00:16:53,911 I'm clearly the caterpillar. 458 00:16:53,913 --> 00:16:57,682 Anyway, this caterpillar, who is not you, 459 00:16:57,684 --> 00:16:59,684 Eventually spun herself 460 00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:02,253 A little cocoon of confidence. 461 00:17:02,354 --> 00:17:03,921 And then... 462 00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:05,123 Poof 463 00:17:05,125 --> 00:17:08,559 What emerged was but a beautiful butterfly. 464 00:17:08,561 --> 00:17:09,961 Oh, my god! 465 00:17:09,963 --> 00:17:11,129 Y-you're giving me the uggo speech. 466 00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:14,298 That's the same story you tell all the dorks and losers. 467 00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:15,433 Wait, people know this? 468 00:17:15,435 --> 00:17:18,403 I know it, 'cause you gave it to me in ninth grade. 469 00:17:18,405 --> 00:17:22,006 Really? That's a heck of a long time to be in a cocoon. 470 00:17:22,008 --> 00:17:23,408 I'm a butterfly! 471 00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:25,643 I'm just going through some stuff, okay? 472 00:17:25,645 --> 00:17:27,545 Well, then, let me tell you another story 473 00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:29,480 About a lady who never got married, 474 00:17:29,482 --> 00:17:32,216 But she became one heck of a cool aunt. 475 00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:33,851 I'm a butterfly. 476 00:17:33,853 --> 00:17:35,720 Yes, you are... 477 00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:37,789 Under your skin. 478 00:17:38,023 --> 00:17:40,625 Here's a pudding. Thought you could use it. 479 00:17:40,627 --> 00:17:44,829 Just go away. I don't want your pity pudding. 480 00:17:45,097 --> 00:17:47,065 Damn it. Yes, I do. 481 00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:51,536 Okay, I talked to lainey, 482 00:17:51,538 --> 00:17:55,106 And we want you to come with us to dance party usa. 483 00:17:55,108 --> 00:17:57,108 I can't go on tv looking like this. 484 00:17:57,110 --> 00:17:59,677 I can't even go out in the world like this. 485 00:17:59,679 --> 00:18:00,878 Trust me, you can. 486 00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:02,046 How would you know? 487 00:18:02,048 --> 00:18:03,448 Honestly? 488 00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:03,981 This... 489 00:18:03,983 --> 00:18:05,883 Is what I feel like every day. 490 00:18:05,885 --> 00:18:09,420 When I saw you freaking out in the cafeteria, I saw me. 491 00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:13,791 And I realized, I never want to see you feel that way again. 492 00:18:13,793 --> 00:18:15,693 Why are you being so nice to me? 493 00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:17,795 'cause no matter how scary you look, 494 00:18:17,797 --> 00:18:19,163 You'll always be my big sister. 495 00:18:19,165 --> 00:18:21,699 (sobbing) that's just so nice. 496 00:18:21,701 --> 00:18:23,367 Oh, god, don't hug me. 497 00:18:23,369 --> 00:18:24,502 ¶ highway run ooh, I need to hug you. 498 00:18:24,504 --> 00:18:27,505 Adult adam: Sure, erica and barry never really saw eye-to-eye. 499 00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:29,540 ¶ into the midnight sun but for the first time, 500 00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:31,642 They saw each other clearer than ever. 501 00:18:31,644 --> 00:18:33,978 ¶ wheels go 'round and 'round murray: Oh, look at you. 502 00:18:33,980 --> 00:18:35,179 You got all your crap back. 503 00:18:35,181 --> 00:18:37,048 Only 'cause I agreed to give garry 504 00:18:37,050 --> 00:18:39,650 All of my desserts at lunch until we graduate. 505 00:18:39,652 --> 00:18:42,887 You know, you were right. Pops isn't a hero. 506 00:18:42,889 --> 00:18:45,356 He's a fraud. That's not what I meant. 507 00:18:45,358 --> 00:18:48,025 Listen, pops may not be magic, 508 00:18:48,027 --> 00:18:49,894 But he's a terrific grandfather 509 00:18:49,896 --> 00:18:51,662 And he's always there for you. 510 00:18:51,664 --> 00:18:54,065 But he still lied to me. 511 00:18:54,067 --> 00:18:55,066 He exaggerated. 512 00:18:55,068 --> 00:18:57,401 That's what all grandfathers do. 513 00:18:57,403 --> 00:18:58,269 You know why? 514 00:18:58,271 --> 00:19:00,605 'cause they want you to love them 515 00:19:00,607 --> 00:19:01,372 As much as they love you. 516 00:19:01,374 --> 00:19:06,144 Adult adam: Thanks to my dad, I realized that pops wasn't the lucky one. 517 00:19:06,146 --> 00:19:09,113 I was for having him in my life. 518 00:19:09,115 --> 00:19:10,481 Hey, pops, what's with the bran cereal? 519 00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:14,552 Don't you want to hit the waffle house and the museum? 520 00:19:14,554 --> 00:19:14,952 Always. 521 00:19:14,954 --> 00:19:18,656 I...I just assumed you didn't want to go with me anymore. 522 00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:19,857 Just do me a favor 523 00:19:19,859 --> 00:19:22,960 And give it to me straight from here on out. 524 00:19:22,962 --> 00:19:23,761 Deal. 525 00:19:23,763 --> 00:19:25,363 And I'm gonna start 526 00:19:25,365 --> 00:19:26,898 By giving you this. 527 00:19:26,900 --> 00:19:29,634 ¶ I'm forever yours my grandpa gave it to me, 528 00:19:29,636 --> 00:19:33,971 And now I carry him with me wherever I go. 529 00:19:34,540 --> 00:19:35,706 Now... 530 00:19:35,708 --> 00:19:38,676 You'll carry me with you. 531 00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:40,978 And if that ain't magic, I don't know what is. 532 00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:44,015 Adult adam: When you're young, it's easy to believe in magic. 533 00:19:44,017 --> 00:19:44,582 Come on, kid. 534 00:19:44,584 --> 00:19:46,918 Beverly: Have fun with your grandfather. 535 00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:49,353 Oh, and no atlantic city! 536 00:19:49,355 --> 00:19:51,322 That's right! I know! 537 00:19:51,324 --> 00:19:52,056 But as you get older, 538 00:19:52,058 --> 00:19:56,360 You realize the real magic comes from the people you love. 539 00:20:00,065 --> 00:20:02,466 ¶ faithfully 540 00:20:03,635 --> 00:20:07,872 ¶ I'm still yours ¶ 541 00:20:08,740 --> 00:20:10,541 Adult adam: Truth is, your greatest memories 542 00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:14,011 Are always the ones with family at your side. 543 00:20:14,013 --> 00:20:15,046 Sure, they may not be pretty 544 00:20:15,048 --> 00:20:16,047 Or turn out exactly as you planned. 545 00:20:16,049 --> 00:20:19,283 In fact, some of our most embarrassing moments 546 00:20:19,285 --> 00:20:21,619 Lead to our greatest victories. 547 00:20:21,621 --> 00:20:26,023 Of course, at the time, it may not seem that way. 548 00:20:26,025 --> 00:20:29,393 It's only when you sit down and take a good look back 549 00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:30,695 That you can't help but smile 550 00:20:30,697 --> 00:20:32,730 'cause it's those very flaws... (both laugh) 551 00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:37,835 That make the memories absolutely perfect. (chuckles) 552 00:20:52,818 --> 00:20:54,352 (indistinct conversations) 553 00:20:54,354 --> 00:20:56,187 Happy to report the dorks and dinks 554 00:20:56,189 --> 00:20:57,989 Are afraid to talk to me again. 555 00:20:57,991 --> 00:20:59,023 All is right with the world. 556 00:20:59,025 --> 00:21:00,491 Well, now that you've been on the other side, 557 00:21:00,493 --> 00:21:01,659 Maybe you'll have pity for them. 558 00:21:01,661 --> 00:21:04,262 (scoffs) lainey: What's up, gang? 559 00:21:04,264 --> 00:21:05,363 Oh my! Whoa! 560 00:21:05,365 --> 00:21:08,165 Got your stupid pink eye... In both eyes. 561 00:21:08,167 --> 00:21:10,201 And I was so upset I threw my hair dryer 562 00:21:10,203 --> 00:21:11,035 Against the wall and broke it. 563 00:21:11,037 --> 00:21:14,205 Now I'm so stressed, I think I may be getting a little pimple. 564 00:21:14,207 --> 00:21:14,772 Am I? 565 00:21:14,774 --> 00:21:16,507 There might be something coming in. 566 00:21:16,509 --> 00:21:17,975 (sighs) I'm so sorry, barry. 567 00:21:17,977 --> 00:21:20,077 If you don't want to be seen with me, I totally get it. 568 00:21:20,079 --> 00:21:22,947 I'm not gonna lie. I'm super into this. 569 00:21:22,949 --> 00:21:24,548 I love dating a weirdo. 570 00:21:24,550 --> 00:21:26,550 That's right you do. 51472

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