All language subtitles for The.Goldbergs.2013.S02E19.1080p.WEB-DL.DD5.1.h.264-NTb_track3_[eng]

Adult adam:
Back in the '80s,

This is what we did
after school...

We'd prepare a feast
of our favorite sugary snacks

In preparation
for an endless tv marathon.

In those days,
our parents didn't pack our
schedules to keep us occupied.

That honor went to whatever
the three networks chose

To randomly broadcast,

And it was glorious.

Hey! I was watching that!
I know.

Then why'd you change it?
'cause I don't care.

I thought that was clear
by now.

Dude.

It's like you have
no respect for me at all.

It is like that, yes.

I demand your respect!
Give it to me right now!

Respect isn't given.
It's earned.

You never get off
your lazy butt.

When I was your age,
I went to school
and I had two jobs.

Oh, yeah?

I'll go out right now
and get an awesome job,

And then you'll have
to respect me.

And I'll learn
responsibility and earn
my own money

And never depend on you
for anything.

You're threatening me
with things I want you to do!

This is on you.

No, no, no. Stop.

Come back here
and be a weight on
my spirit.

Adult adam: Unlike barry,

My sister worked her
way up to assistant manager
at gimbels.

Erica, you really have
a flair for style.

Your bandana work
is flawless.

Thank you.
(chuckles)

Aah! What the...
Stop it!

Hey! It's me!
Barry!

I told you to never
come where I am.

Awesome news...

You're getting me a job
so dad can respect me.

(chuckling)
oh, good luck with that.

I've been working
my whole life,

And he still calls me
"the girl one."

Erica, if your brother is
half as good as you,
he's hired.

Chuck, I think if
you'll give my brother
a quick interview,

You'll have all the info
you need.

So, tell me...
What's your greatest strength?

Easy... Bo staff.

No! Wait.

Busting fresh rhymes.
No! Wait.

Handsome.
No! Wait.

I was literally
born without fear.

I'll let you know.

Boom!
He'll let me know.

Adult adam: He didn't,
but barry refused
to quit looking.

My biggest weakness?

I'm honest,
and I'm lazy.

What's your
biggest weakness?

Who do I think would win
a fight between a tiger
and a bear?

(chuckles)
that's a good question.

One you didn't ask,
but I'll discuss.

Minimum wage?

No, no, no.

What's maximum wage?

(chair squeaks)

¶ I'm twisted up inside

¶ but nonetheless
I feel the need to say

¶ I don't know the future

¶ but the past keeps getting
clearer every day ¶

Adult adam:
It was April 15,
1980 something,

And my mom's day was about
to be rocked to its very core.

Boopie, what's this?

Spanish test.

Beverly: "f"? As in "fail"?

No, no. That's literally
humanly impossible.

My children don't fail.

I'm as stunned
as you are.

Maybe it means "f" as in
"fabulous" or "first prize."

I knew you would say that,
so I asked.

It's "fail."

My teacher said maybe
I'm better off moving
down a level.

As in remedial?

Oh-ho, no!
Are you mad?

Yes, I'm mad...
At your teacher!

Senora taraborelli?

You think
this is her fault?

Well, it's certainly not
your fault.

You're just a little boy.

That's true.
I am a little boy.

A genius little boy.

Please... Be nice.

She's a lovely
but fragile woman.

Well,
I'm lovely and pissed.

Okay. I got to stop you
before this gets nuts.

Clearly, this is the
one subject the kid
struggles in.

You can't blame the teacher.
It's the boy.

It takes
a very special educator

To teach such a strange,
exotic language,

With all the squiggles
over the letters

And the crazy
upside-down question marks

And the "rrrrrrrrrrr"s.

Adult adam: That right there
is what you call

Beverly goldberg mom logic.

What do you mean
he failed drivers ed?

Yep, my mom could explain
away our failures

By perfectly placing
the blame on anyone
but us.

You've got your own pedal
in there.

I think you slammed on
the brakes yourself

And sabotaged my son.
Change the grade.

Change the grade.
Change the grade.

Change the grade.

Change the grade.
Change the grade.

Change the...
Oh, that's nice.

Adult adam:
My mom would now
apply mom logic

To why I sucked at spanish.

Look, adam is so smart,
and he tries so hard,

But, you know,
he just can't keep up
with the other kids.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Uh, I see the situation
slightly differently.

How's that?

I see it
as entirely your fault.

Oh... Mrs. Goldberg,

I have been teaching spanish
for well over a decade.

And have you adequately
kept up with changes
to the language?

I'm... I'm pretty sure
it's set in stone.

Mmm-hmm. Have you ever
even traveled

To any of these
spanish places?

No, not on a teacher's salary,
but look, I'm saving money,

And I intend to
find myself in san juan,
drinking cervezas

With a very fiery
caribbean lover

Who will take me
in his taut, muscular arms,

And together, we will dance
the forbidden dance.

The lambada.

Wow.

That is...
Very graphic.

Yeah. I'm sorry.
Look, I just...

You know,
if adam is struggling,
I suggest you find a tutor.

Excellent.
When can you start?

Me? (chuckling) no, no.

That would be
a conflict of interest.

Oh, it's really not.

I mean, the school
pays you to teach.

Why can't I pay you more
to teach him more?

In this case,
50 bucks an hour

To help fund
your sensual adventure?

Well,
that is very generous,

But I would not feel
right about...

Did you say $50?

Adult adam: Yep, mom logic
even managed to win over

My earnest,
buttoned-up teacher.

The lure of the forbidden
dance is calling you.

Adult adam: Well, that
and the promise of a sensual,
silk-shirted senor.

Meanwhile,
my brother had somehow landed

His very first job.

...And the in-depth
pizza-box-folding tutorial.

So, any questions?

Nope. I'm good.

Are you?

This entire operation rests
on you delivering our food

Hot and on time.

Don't you worry.

Every street in this city

Can tell you a story
about barry goldberg.

Some are pretty hard
to talk about.

Lot of bad memories.

I, uh,
I struggle with stuff.

Point is,
I know the streets good.

Hope so.

'cause this may be
the pizza depot,

But we're closing in fast
on the big boys over
at domino's.

See, they've tipped
their hand and revealed
the secret

To the pizza-delivery
gold standard,

And that's the avoidance
of this man.

The noid.

Oh, yeah.
The funny guy from
the commercials.

Funny?

This floppy-eared goblin
is a physical manifestation

Of the challenges inherent

In getting a hot pizza
delivered on time.

The noid is evil,
and he never sleeps.

He makes pizza cold.
I'm familiar with the noid.

Are you?

'cause he's the wolf
at the gates
who will stop at nothing

Until he destroys us
and everything we hold dear.

Are you afraid now?
Huh?

No.

He's a cartoon.

You're cocky, rookie.

I like that.

Oh! Look at you!

How was the first day
on the job?
Not bad at all.

Made a ton of dough.

Pizza dough.

It's a joke we say
around the shop,

Because "dough" is
another word for "money"

But we also cook
with it.

I got to admit,
I didn't think you'd
go through with it.

But hard work like this
deserves something special.

What's this?

Bottle of suds.

It's about time you had
a beer with your old man.

What the hell
is this?

Uh, just a little
father-son thing.

Dad's giving me a beer
'cause I'm a working man.

What? I work,
and I like beer.

I've said too much.
I should go.

Just to be clear,
this is a one-time thing.

I can't believe
this is happening.

Oh, believe it.

This frosty cold one
is a rite of passage,

A symbol of my respect.

Son, you are
no longer a moron.

You are a man.

This is too much.
I'm freaking out.

Don't freak out.

I'm freaking out!
Don't freak out.

(grunts)
(glass shatters)

The hell was that?

I panicked!
I didn't know what to do!

You drink it!
You don't slap it
across the room!

I know that now!

Let's just
put a pin in this.

Adult adam:
While barry was struggling
with his newfound respect,

I was hoping my new tutor

Would end my struggles
with el espanol.

Gracias, dave kim.

Ah, paco.
How'd we do?

Um... No buena.

No? Oh, I'm sure
it's not that bad.

(sighing) oh, boy.

Whew. Okay.

Uh...

Why don't you go ahead
and just, uh,

Eh, take another look
at 3.

And 6.

And 11.

Really?

Wow. Great.

(chuckles)

Um...

Me puedes...

...Pasar

Los zapatos?

Oh, yeah.
You taught me that.

See?
I knew you knew it.

Well, thanks.
Ah, yeah.

Adios.

Oh. Oh, very good.

Beverly: Squishy!

I knew you could do it!

Congrats, kid.

Let's hear a little bit
of the old espanol.

Well, I'm not quite ready
to talk and stuff.

Me and my tutor/teacher
work mostly in english.

Really?

Yeah, she's got
this amazing technique

Where even if I don't know
I know the answer,

She reminds me I do know it
by telling it to me.

Yay!

My baby's learning.

Little senor.

You see what's going on,
right?

You mean the way
his little face

Gets more delicious
the more you look at it?

I mean this teacher
clearly gave him the answers
'cause you paid her.

Oh, poop.
She did not.

That would be cheating.

Yes, it is cheating.

No, it is tutoring,
during the test.

It's a totally different
thing.

For once,
stop with the mom logic.

That's not a thing.

Oh, it is.
It's how you sleep at night

Even though you know
he's learned nothing.

But he thinks he's learning,
and thinking is learning.

Again, mom logic.

If cheating's the only way
adam can do well,

Just do him a favor
and drop him down
to remedial.

(bleep) ...That.

Adam can learn
six languages,

Because he is perfect
and anything but remedial!

Mom logic.

Adult adam:
After a half day of rigorous
training at the pizza depot,

Barry was confident he'd crush
his first day of deliveries.

(tires squeal)

He did not.

Glen oaks?

I need oak glen!

Where am I?

Sadly, barry was in oak ridge.

He was lost,
and this meant sheer panic.

See, back then, our cars
didn't have navigation systems

Or cellphones
with google maps.

Barry's only choice
was to wrangle an actual map
and stress-eat.

Oh, no!

I'm not paying
for this, bro.
Why?

Well, first of all,
you're an hour
and a half late.

And, secondly...

You clearly
ate a piece.

Dude,
you don't understand.

If you don't pay me,
it comes out of my check.

Oh.
I didn't realize that.

Yeah.

Uh...

You're fired.
What? Why?

'cause you're the noid.

I am not the noid!

You have successfully
delivered four pizzas.

You know it.
Out of 37.

Please don't fire me.
Just take the mistakes
out of my check.

Oh, I did,
until there was
no check left.

You now owe us $314.

This is a job.

You pay me.
I don't pay you.

Yeah. That's how
it usually works.

Yet here we are.

Aah!

A noid
knocking a noid down.

How ironic.

Adult adam: As my brother was
losing his job,

I was getting
a "b" in spanish,
and it felt awesome.

Well, to me.

Hola, friendos!

Who's ready
por esloppy joses
for lunch-o, eh?

(chuckles)

What's with
the silent treatment?
Are you guys mad at me?

Adam, everyone knows
what's going on

With you
and senora taraborelli.

You mean my tutoring?

Seems like
a little more than that.

Dana. Babe, it's me.

I would never
step out on you
like that.

No one thinks
you're dating the
spanish teacher, dude.

We study for hours
just to pass,

While you get to cut
all the corners.

Corners? No!

I'm getting tutored,
and I'm excelling.

Trust me, it's all
on the up-and-up.

In fact, I bet
she'd tutor all of us.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

There has been
a huge misunderstanding.

If it's the money,
I bet you my parents
will pay double.

Oh. No. No.

My family owns
a restaurant.

Help me out,
and you could be ass-deep
in crab rangoon.

Wha...

Oops. Left my wallet there
on the desk.

I'm gonna turn around
and count to three.

If it turns up empty,
so be it.

Dave kim knows
nothing in life is free.

You can't quit!

Things have gotten
completely out of hand.

Dave sirota put a $10 bill
in my waistband

And told me
to "think about it."

Well,
what about san juan?

The lambada!

Who am I kidding?

It's a forbidden dance!
I'm not allowed!

Anyone can dance
that dance.

Look, Monday, we're doing
our oral presentations.

And if adam doesn't pass,

He's being moved down
to remedial spanish.

But we had a deal.

Well, that deal is off.

I'll just spend
another summer in ohio,

Sleeping on the couch,
because mother's cat
has priority of the bed.

Adult adam:
While my disgruntled teacher
was shutting down my mom,

Barry was keeping up
the illusion of still
having a job.

There he is!
Working man!

How was your day?
Good.

And I am definitely not
the noid.

Well, I want to show you
something.

(smacks lips)
the whole beer thing
didn't work out,

Because you're a moron.

But this, this here...
This is our moment.
Come here.

And just like that,
my father gave barry the
ultimate sign of respect...

The la-z-boy.

I get my own chair?

Yeah.

And that's not all.

And the remote?

Last time
I touched this thing,

You threw a photo cube
at my head.

Well,
times have changed.

You used to be this boy...

And now you're this man.

And that means
you get to choose
what we watch.

(gasps)

(sighs)

(siren wails)

(up-tempo music playing)

And you chose
a grown man in tights.

What the hell is this?

First beer,
and now a chair?

And the remote.

Last time
I touched that thing,

You threw a photo cube
at my head.

Well, it's different for me
'cause I'm a working man.

Hello? I've been working
my whole life!

This is
a total double standard.

No, it's not.

Dad's just giving me
special treatment

'cause I'm a boy
and you're not,
so you lose.

That's the definition
of a double standard,
you idiot!

Seriously?

Erica: And why do you keep
watching that?
It's so weird!

I wish I could
move my hips like that.

Adult adam:
Erica refused to sit back

And let barry rub
his newfound respect
in her face,

So she went to his job
to let him have it.

I told you,
you can't sit here
all day!

Just give me
one more chance.

No, no, no.
You don't work
here anymore!

Now beat it, noid!

(horn honking)

Adult adam:
Fortunately for her,
there was no job.

Don't you worry,
schmoo.

Your teacher may have
failed you,
but not your mama.

I will see to it
that you ace that
oral presentation.

You're even worse
at spanish than I am.

It's hopeless. I should
just go down to remedial.

A presentation has
nothing to do with knowledge.

It's all about flash.

I'm pretty sure
it's all about
spanish words.

Oh, no.
It's about showmanship.

You're a natural performer,
and with my help,

You will dazzle them
with your talent,
grace, and dignity.

Adult adam: That's right...
Beverly goldberg's mom logic

Convinced me that
I could pass a spanish test

Without the use
of actual spanish.

Me gusto mucho
"pet cementerio."

(chuckles)
muy bueno, dave kim.

(chuckling) okay.

(applause)

Y finalmente...
Senor goldberg.

Adult adam:
This was it... Go time.

With the help
of my trusty assistant,

An exotic musical score
from faraway lands,

And one he-man pinata,
I would ace my spanish class.

(la bamba plays)

Maracas!

Guacamole!

Ole!

Adult adam:
By today's standards,
the content was questionable.

Salsa! Salsa!

Salsa?

Adult adam:
And sure, I borrowed heavily

From the stereotypes
I saw in the movies.

The three amigos.

Adult adam:
Man, did I kill it.

Wow. Well,
what a wonderful summary

Of a very beautiful
and vibrant culture.

(chuckling) okay.

But you didn't answer
the question.

(speaking in spanish)

(speaking in spanish)

Adult adam:
For once, beverly goldberg
had no mom logic

To cover up the fact
that I was a literal failure.

Erica knew barry's secret

And how it would crush him
if my dad found out,

Which is exactly why
she made sure that
was gonna happen.

(doorbell rings)

That's me.
I ordered pizza.

(gasps) yes!

Pizza! Pizza!

Oh, crap.
Pizza.

That'll be $314.
What?

Erica? How many toppings
did you order?

None. You owe him money
because you lost 33 pizzas.

Who gets a job
and ends up owing
them money?

Me!

I'm sorry.
I finally had your respect,
and I got fired in two days.

Eh, don't beat
yourself up.

Wait... What, now?

Eh, he's going through
a rough patch.

Did I ever tell you
about the time

That I got fired from
the deli for refusing
to wear a hairnet?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Are you actually bonding
with him over getting fired?

What is wrong with you?

I've babysat, I've tutored,
I've sold hot dogs on sticks

And oranged
thousands of juliuses.

And in all that time,
you never showed me
a shred of respect.

Erica, wait!

Adult adam:
As my dad realized there
really was a double standard,

My mom finally accepted
it was time to lower hers.

How's my little
pinto bean?
Don't.

You used my love
of performance against me,

And I completely
embarrassed myself.

I know.
And I'm sorry.

It's just that...

I always see you
as my perfect little angel.

And when the world
doesn't agree with me,
I go a little nuts.

A little?

Okay, a lot.

Look, I realize
no one's perfect.

God knows I'm not.

But when it comes to you...

I can never see you
any other way.

Well, I guess that's
not the worst thing
in the world.

Hey, mama?

(speaking in spanish)

I don't know what that means,
but it's beautiful.

Adult adam:
Sure, my family didn't always
speak the same language.

Luckily,
I learned just enough spanish

To tell my mom
how I really felt

Without her
ever really knowing.

Go away.

Not until we talk.

What's there
to talk about?

You've made everything
pretty clear.

Look, even though
barry's a moron,

He's a lot like me.

I get him.

And the reality is,
I was never a teenage girl.

Well,
that's a relief to hear.

What I mean is,

I just wanted to have
the big rite of passage
with my son,

When I should have been
having it with my daughter.

(clears throat)

Here's to you.
You're a man now.

(chuckles)

Thanks, dad.

What the...
What is this?

You are in big trouble,
missy!

But dad just...
I caught her with these.

Oh, my...
You are so grounded!

You're lucky your dad
got here before me!

So lucky!

(mouthing)

Adult adam:
That's the thing
about growing up.

Sometimes you take the fall

Or you struggle
to make the grade.

Looks like the
remedial class is more
my speed.

(gasps) you are so
going to harvard.

I'm not, but sure.
(chuckles)

I made dinner.

Barry: Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Adult adam: And sure,
you may be far from perfect,

But with your family close by,
life comes pretty darn close.

You know, I wish
you'd fight over
my salads like that.

Me niego de contestar
esta pregunta.

(bell ding)

Esta clase
es tan aburrida.

Muy bien, clase!

Adios!

Kid: Adios!

How many years of experience
do I have as a cpa?

(scoffs)
let me answer that
with a follow-up question.

What is a cpa?

This kid's head is weird.

(sighs)

Are you related?

(rapping)
¶ I've got fresh rhymes
and I gotta pay my bills

¶ you've got a lot of grime
and I got some
cleaning skills ¶

Then I put the second
piece of tape this way,

And I'm a pig!
(chuckles)

(beat-boxing)

Hire me.