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1
00:00:00,066 --> 00:00:01,467
Adult adam: Back in the '80s, before you could
2
00:00:01,469 --> 00:00:02,835
Buy music with the click of a button,
3
00:00:02,837 --> 00:00:05,804
You'd go to an actual record store to purchase your favorite cassette tapes.
4
00:00:05,806 --> 00:00:08,507
We thought we'd reached the height of musical technology,
5
00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:10,142
Until this happened.
6
00:00:10,144 --> 00:00:11,910
Whoa!
Whoa!
7
00:00:11,912 --> 00:00:14,279
Adult adam: Behold, the cd,
8
00:00:14,381 --> 00:00:15,714
A disc surrounded by a case
9
00:00:15,716 --> 00:00:18,951
Within another, larger rectangular case.
10
00:00:18,953 --> 00:00:20,786
It's a compact disc.
11
00:00:20,788 --> 00:00:22,121
Oh, it's so beautiful.
12
00:00:22,123 --> 00:00:23,522
I can't wait to go home
and throw away
13
00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:26,191
My hundreds
of useless cassettes.
14
00:00:27,961 --> 00:00:30,863
We need to have this
right now!
15
00:00:30,865 --> 00:00:32,164
You! Sam goody!
16
00:00:32,166 --> 00:00:35,034
That's the name of the store.
My name's jared.
17
00:00:35,036 --> 00:00:36,535
How much for a cd player?
18
00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:38,237
$900, plus tax.
19
00:00:38,239 --> 00:00:38,937
We will never own one.
20
00:00:38,939 --> 00:00:41,206
We will when I convince
dad to buy us one.
21
00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:42,441
And how do you plan
on doing that?
22
00:00:42,443 --> 00:00:47,079
A little something
I like to call
"barry goldberg charm."
23
00:00:48,248 --> 00:00:49,415
Buy us a cd player!
24
00:00:49,417 --> 00:00:50,449
I don't know what that is,
25
00:00:50,451 --> 00:00:53,285
But I'm sure
it's unnecessary
and expensive.
26
00:00:53,287 --> 00:00:54,053
It's the opposite of that.
27
00:00:54,055 --> 00:00:58,624
Engineers in lab coats have
created a musical experience
28
00:00:58,626 --> 00:01:00,726
That is so crisp
and clean,
29
00:01:00,728 --> 00:01:03,128
It can literally
improve your hearing.
30
00:01:03,130 --> 00:01:03,796
No more music crap.
31
00:01:03,798 --> 00:01:07,933
First, I bought you records,
then eight-tracks,
then cassettes.
32
00:01:07,935 --> 00:01:10,469
Where does it end?
Barry: Here!
33
00:01:10,471 --> 00:01:12,404
The technology ends here.
34
00:01:12,406 --> 00:01:16,608
Cds are so good
that scientists have
given up and quit.
35
00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:19,244
It's all over the paper.
They're unemployed.
36
00:01:19,246 --> 00:01:22,014
Let me take
a swing at it, pal.
37
00:01:22,016 --> 00:01:23,615
Dad, this is crazy important.
38
00:01:23,617 --> 00:01:27,553
Music means everything to me.
It's, like, my thing.
39
00:01:27,555 --> 00:01:28,153
It's my thing, too.
40
00:01:28,155 --> 00:01:31,890
Big tasty needs
a cd player to keep up
with the changing times.
41
00:01:31,892 --> 00:01:33,659
See, that's the problem
with you kids,
42
00:01:33,661 --> 00:01:34,827
Everything is your thing!
43
00:01:34,829 --> 00:01:37,429
Last month,
I had to buy you tap shoes
44
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:38,363
'cause dance
was your thing.
45
00:01:38,365 --> 00:01:43,302
And before that,
fashion and skiing
and horseback riding...
46
00:01:43,304 --> 00:01:44,069
Why do I get punished
47
00:01:44,071 --> 00:01:46,238
'cause she can't find
something she's good at?
48
00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:47,739
Oh, don't get me started
with you,
49
00:01:47,741 --> 00:01:51,844
With your hockey and karate
and break-dancing.
50
00:01:51,846 --> 00:01:52,711
Dad, this is different.
51
00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:55,581
And so are
the last hundred things.
It's not happening.
52
00:01:55,583 --> 00:01:56,615
Oh, it'll happen
when I go upstairs
53
00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:59,952
And write the greatest song
in the history of the world.
54
00:01:59,954 --> 00:02:01,153
With a vicious
rap interlude.
55
00:02:01,155 --> 00:02:02,621
And when you hear
my angelic song,
56
00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:06,258
You will weep and clap
and be so moved
57
00:02:06,260 --> 00:02:09,761
That you will demand
that we have a cd player.
58
00:02:09,929 --> 00:02:12,397
I'm not
an unreasonable man.
59
00:02:12,399 --> 00:02:12,998
If you two write
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00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:15,234
The greatest song
in the history of the world,
61
00:02:15,236 --> 00:02:18,737
I will indeed buy you
a cd player.
62
00:02:18,739 --> 00:02:20,672
Great! Then I will
63
00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:22,674
Go write the greatest song
in the world.
64
00:02:22,676 --> 00:02:24,943
With a vicious
rap interlude.
65
00:02:24,945 --> 00:02:27,146
Good luck to you.
66
00:02:28,748 --> 00:02:29,715
¶ I'm twisted up inside
67
00:02:29,717 --> 00:02:34,119
¶ but nonetheless I feel the need to say
68
00:02:36,055 --> 00:02:37,089
¶ I don't know the future
69
00:02:37,091 --> 00:02:40,492
¶ but the past keeps getting clearer every day ¶
70
00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:44,596
Adult adam: It was April 2, 1980-something, my birthday.
71
00:02:44,598 --> 00:02:45,531
And that meant one thing,
72
00:02:45,533 --> 00:02:49,568
Desperately avoiding an onslaught of love from my mom.
73
00:02:49,570 --> 00:02:51,770
Birthday boy sighting!
Oh!
74
00:02:51,772 --> 00:02:52,437
(laughs)
75
00:02:52,439 --> 00:02:55,007
It's my little
love muffin's birthday.
76
00:02:55,009 --> 00:02:55,574
And how do I know?
77
00:02:55,576 --> 00:02:58,010
Because I grew
your body in my body.
78
00:02:58,012 --> 00:02:59,411
Will you stop
bringing that up?
79
00:02:59,413 --> 00:03:01,046
We all know
where I came from.
80
00:03:01,048 --> 00:03:04,049
We are gonna go all out
and party hearty.
81
00:03:04,051 --> 00:03:04,783
Yeah, about that...
82
00:03:04,785 --> 00:03:07,986
I was thinking this year,
I just hit the arcade
with chad.
83
00:03:07,988 --> 00:03:09,655
Oh, poop.
It's your big day.
84
00:03:09,657 --> 00:03:11,690
We've got to do
something special.
85
00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:12,658
Mom, I know
I've said this
86
00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:14,459
Every day
for the past two weeks,
87
00:03:14,461 --> 00:03:15,761
But I'm in
middle school now,
88
00:03:15,763 --> 00:03:18,597
And birthday parties
are not cool.
89
00:03:18,599 --> 00:03:19,398
Fine, moody judy.
90
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:22,668
You can celebrate
with no family
and no fanfare.
91
00:03:22,670 --> 00:03:26,438
But before you go,
can I at least
give you my present?
92
00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:27,639
It's down
in the basement.
93
00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:30,008
I think you're really
gonna love it.
94
00:03:32,378 --> 00:03:32,945
All: Surprise!
95
00:03:32,947 --> 00:03:35,214
Adult adam: And there it was, my mom went behind my back
96
00:03:35,216 --> 00:03:39,017
And invited my friends over for a stupid little-kid party!
97
00:03:39,019 --> 00:03:40,219
(whispering)
what have you done?
98
00:03:40,221 --> 00:03:42,187
All my friends are gonna think
this is super-lame.
99
00:03:42,189 --> 00:03:46,425
Yo, mrs. G,
digging this "o" dip.
Mmm.
100
00:03:46,526 --> 00:03:48,126
And why did you invite
garry ball?
101
00:03:48,128 --> 00:03:50,095
He's super-cool
and gets away with murder
102
00:03:50,097 --> 00:03:51,830
'cause his dad's
the principal!
103
00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:53,432
Oh, nonsense.
104
00:03:53,434 --> 00:03:54,967
Okay, kiddos,
105
00:03:54,969 --> 00:03:56,668
I've scored everything
you're gonna need
106
00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:58,770
To have a raging
slumber party.
107
00:03:58,772 --> 00:04:02,341
Jolt cola, pixy stix,
mad libs, ouija board,
108
00:04:02,343 --> 00:04:06,445
And a pen to draw
on the first dorkus
who falls asleep.
109
00:04:06,447 --> 00:04:08,280
I'm looking at you,
dave sirota.
110
00:04:08,282 --> 00:04:09,748
(beverly laughs)
111
00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:10,349
Burn!
112
00:04:10,351 --> 00:04:12,951
I am a funny mom.
Jam on.
113
00:04:12,953 --> 00:04:14,286
Adult adam: My friends were gonna give me hell.
114
00:04:14,288 --> 00:04:16,321
This was the epitome of uncool!
115
00:04:16,323 --> 00:04:17,956
Dude, this is gonna be
so rad.
116
00:04:17,958 --> 00:04:22,494
Really? You guys are
actually stoked about
a slumber party?
117
00:04:22,496 --> 00:04:25,597
Slumber party?
I thought this was
a sleepover.
118
00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:26,298
What's the difference?
119
00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:29,234
Ha! Stupid chad kremp
doesn't know the difference.
120
00:04:29,236 --> 00:04:31,136
Someone should tell him
in great detail
121
00:04:31,138 --> 00:04:32,404
So he knows
what to expect tonight.
122
00:04:32,406 --> 00:04:35,841
Slumber parties
are for little kids
with sleeping bags.
123
00:04:35,843 --> 00:04:38,744
But at a sleepover,
we break all the rules.
124
00:04:38,746 --> 00:04:40,579
Um, chad is wondering
if you could give
125
00:04:40,581 --> 00:04:42,281
Some specific rules
we're gonna break.
126
00:04:42,283 --> 00:04:44,082
Garry: (scoffs)
whatever we want, man.
127
00:04:44,084 --> 00:04:46,652
We can dip some 'chaw,
make some prank calls,
128
00:04:46,654 --> 00:04:49,821
Light off some fireworks,
sneak out, make out.
129
00:04:49,823 --> 00:04:50,589
Is your sister home?
130
00:04:50,591 --> 00:04:53,659
Chad's now wondering
if part of the sleepover
131
00:04:53,661 --> 00:04:54,793
Is making your host
feel uncomfortable.
132
00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:58,463
Adult adam: Nothing could prepare me for what my friends had in store.
133
00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:00,866
Dave kim brought his great-grandfather's pipe.
134
00:05:00,868 --> 00:05:04,169
Sirota topped that with his brother's throwing stars.
135
00:05:04,171 --> 00:05:05,637
But both paled in comparison
136
00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:08,173
To what garry ball offered up.
137
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:12,210
A real, grown-up, ice-cold beer!
138
00:05:12,212 --> 00:05:13,945
Served warm.
139
00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:14,646
All: Whoa.
140
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,281
Adult adam: While I was trying to keep my cool,
141
00:05:16,283 --> 00:05:17,883
Barry and erica were trying to write
142
00:05:17,885 --> 00:05:19,651
The greatest song known to man.
143
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:23,188
Okay, here we go,
greatest song of all time.
144
00:05:23,190 --> 00:05:25,057
Let's do this.
145
00:05:25,191 --> 00:05:26,792
(keyboard playing)
¶ music
146
00:05:26,794 --> 00:05:31,263
¶ singin' music with my mouth ¶
147
00:05:31,265 --> 00:05:32,564
That's it! We did it!
148
00:05:32,566 --> 00:05:35,033
Yeah, I think
we should keep working.
149
00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:36,301
Let's break this down.
150
00:05:36,303 --> 00:05:37,836
What are the greatest
songs about?
151
00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:40,172
Well, obviously you got
to start with
a guy in a mill.
152
00:05:40,174 --> 00:05:41,106
No.
And he's working
153
00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:44,876
His fingers to the bone
on some type of metal thing
where sparks fly.
154
00:05:44,878 --> 00:05:48,347
And he's dead-broke,
definitely lives in jersey.
155
00:05:48,349 --> 00:05:49,014
Why jersey?
156
00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:51,316
That's the heartland,
where all
the real people live
157
00:05:51,318 --> 00:05:53,618
And die,
'cause millwork is dangerous.
158
00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:56,154
Forget the mills.
We need to think bigger.
159
00:05:56,156 --> 00:05:58,890
The greatest songs
are always about love,
160
00:05:58,892 --> 00:06:00,392
About loss and yearning,
161
00:06:00,394 --> 00:06:03,829
About driving all night
and islands in the stream
162
00:06:03,831 --> 00:06:05,630
And seconding that emotion.
163
00:06:05,632 --> 00:06:07,599
Love is a battlefield.
164
00:06:07,601 --> 00:06:08,967
Exactly!
165
00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:09,568
It's a battlefield,
166
00:06:09,570 --> 00:06:13,105
And you got to crush
your enemies like a ninja,
167
00:06:13,107 --> 00:06:14,840
A ninja of love!
168
00:06:15,441 --> 00:06:16,241
Both: Love ninja!
169
00:06:16,243 --> 00:06:19,211
That's it! We did it!
We changed the world!
170
00:06:19,213 --> 00:06:21,046
¶ she's a love ninja
171
00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:23,215
¶ love ninja ¶
yes, yes.
172
00:06:23,217 --> 00:06:23,849
Now sing something
173
00:06:23,851 --> 00:06:25,817
About how she snaps necks
and takes no prisoners.
174
00:06:25,819 --> 00:06:29,087
It's a love song.
She can't be snapping necks.
175
00:06:29,089 --> 00:06:32,057
But she can be
breaking hearts.
176
00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:34,960
Or breaking
the neck of the heart.
177
00:06:34,962 --> 00:06:38,230
Oh, my god! Oh, my god!
That's so good!
178
00:06:38,364 --> 00:06:41,867
Adult adam: An hour later, their musical opus was ready.
179
00:06:41,869 --> 00:06:42,734
Okay, pops,
I need to make sure
180
00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:45,971
That this is the greatest
song of all time
before dad hears it.
181
00:06:45,973 --> 00:06:48,440
Just give me
your honest opinion.
182
00:06:48,875 --> 00:06:51,777
(keyboard plays)
¶ well, it was just outside of jersey
183
00:06:51,779 --> 00:06:54,246
¶ but not in the actual state
184
00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:56,982
¶ donny drilled metal things in a mill
185
00:06:56,984 --> 00:06:58,617
¶ danger was his fate
186
00:06:58,619 --> 00:07:00,886
¶ but his desire burned like fire
187
00:07:00,888 --> 00:07:03,422
¶ for a stealthy gal named kate
188
00:07:03,424 --> 00:07:06,625
¶ she's a love ninja
189
00:07:06,627 --> 00:07:08,427
¶ a love ninja
190
00:07:08,429 --> 00:07:12,264
¶ love ninja, snapped the neck of my heart
191
00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:14,933
¶ she's a love ninja
192
00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:16,134
¶ nunchucked my life apart
193
00:07:16,136 --> 00:07:17,836
(rapping)
¶ roundhouse, crane kick, elbow chop
194
00:07:17,838 --> 00:07:20,539
¶ ninja stole my heart, and she wouldn't stop
195
00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:22,774
¶ bo staff, blow dart, samurai blade
196
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:24,376
¶ ninja went off like a ninja grenade
197
00:07:24,378 --> 00:07:26,845
¶ girl, you threw a smoke bomb, vanished with a spark
198
00:07:26,847 --> 00:07:28,947
¶ she's more deadly than a robot shark
199
00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:31,082
¶ a robot shark, how sweet would that be?
200
00:07:31,084 --> 00:07:34,119
¶ mechanical beast swimming out to sea
201
00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:38,056
¶ love ninja, a love ninja ¶
202
00:07:38,058 --> 00:07:39,825
(music stops)
blah, blah, blah.
(chuckles)
203
00:07:39,827 --> 00:07:42,227
Yeah, it's just a taste,
but what do you think?
204
00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:45,030
You two are my grandkids,
and I love you,
205
00:07:45,032 --> 00:07:48,800
So if you want me to say
this confusing fakakta song
206
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:52,904
About ninjas and robot sharks
is actually good,
207
00:07:52,906 --> 00:07:54,339
I'll say it.
208
00:07:54,341 --> 00:07:55,040
Great! Do that!
209
00:07:55,042 --> 00:07:58,210
I'm sorry. I thought I could,
but I can't.
210
00:07:58,212 --> 00:07:58,677
Damn it!
211
00:07:58,679 --> 00:08:00,378
How else are we
supposed to convince dad
212
00:08:00,380 --> 00:08:01,413
That music is our thing?
213
00:08:01,415 --> 00:08:03,682
Can't be done.
You're dealing with a man
214
00:08:03,684 --> 00:08:06,918
Who has no interest
in music whatsoever.
215
00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:07,919
Everyone likes music.
216
00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:09,754
Oh, my god.
I think pops is right.
217
00:08:09,756 --> 00:08:11,356
How can he actually
not like music?
218
00:08:11,358 --> 00:08:15,427
Some dads just don't.
It's more common
than you think.
219
00:08:15,429 --> 00:08:17,496
Well, that's perfect.
220
00:08:17,498 --> 00:08:18,563
Dad's a blank slate.
221
00:08:18,565 --> 00:08:20,599
We don't have to write
the world's greatest song.
222
00:08:20,601 --> 00:08:24,336
We can just sing
someone else's
and say that it's ours.
223
00:08:24,338 --> 00:08:25,370
That's genius!
224
00:08:25,372 --> 00:08:26,171
That's not genius.
225
00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:29,975
Genius is coming up
with an idea that makes sense.
226
00:08:29,977 --> 00:08:31,276
Your idea's terrible.
227
00:08:31,278 --> 00:08:34,779
Barry, come on.
We got to go steal a song.
228
00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:37,516
(sniffs)
229
00:08:37,518 --> 00:08:39,518
The beer smells
kind of funky.
230
00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:40,252
That's the point, dude.
231
00:08:40,254 --> 00:08:43,421
This is craft brew,
fancy kind, trust me.
232
00:08:43,423 --> 00:08:45,257
Shouldn't it say, like,
"schlitz" or something?
233
00:08:45,259 --> 00:08:46,558
Nah, it's better
than real beer.
234
00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:49,661
My dad brews it
in the downstairs bathtub.
235
00:08:49,663 --> 00:08:50,862
Dave kim, you're up.
236
00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:51,630
Adult adam: This was it.
237
00:08:51,632 --> 00:08:53,832
Sure, we were nervous, but it was my birthday,
238
00:08:53,834 --> 00:08:57,035
And we would become men together.
239
00:08:57,136 --> 00:08:57,869
(gags)
240
00:08:57,871 --> 00:08:59,137
Well, everyone but me.
241
00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:00,438
Sirota immediately booted.
242
00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:03,108
Cool guy garry ball wasn't far behind.
243
00:09:03,110 --> 00:09:03,775
Chad was next.
244
00:09:03,777 --> 00:09:06,444
And finally, dave kim, who had no options left.
245
00:09:06,446 --> 00:09:10,048
That first sip came up as quickly as it went down.
246
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:11,683
Not the washing machine!
247
00:09:11,685 --> 00:09:12,284
Stop judging me!
248
00:09:12,286 --> 00:09:14,252
Adult adam: There was no way it could get worse.
249
00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:15,687
Beverly: Squishy.
Adult adam: Until it did.
250
00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:19,291
Look who I found
moseying around
the balloon corral.
251
00:09:19,293 --> 00:09:21,493
It's cowboy josh,
and today, he's gonna...
252
00:09:21,495 --> 00:09:23,628
Oh! Sweet creamed corn!
253
00:09:23,630 --> 00:09:24,829
Adult adam:
It was either think fast
254
00:09:24,831 --> 00:09:26,731
Or be grounded for the rest of my life.
255
00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:29,000
I think
it was the "o" dip.
256
00:09:30,202 --> 00:09:33,138
Adult adam:
And grounded it was.
257
00:09:33,506 --> 00:09:36,274
I'd like to thank you all
for coming to this meeting
258
00:09:36,276 --> 00:09:37,976
On such short notice.
259
00:09:37,978 --> 00:09:39,144
Let me begin by saying
260
00:09:39,146 --> 00:09:42,514
I'm not here today
as principal ball.
261
00:09:42,516 --> 00:09:46,051
I'm just earl,
concerned parent.
262
00:09:46,053 --> 00:09:47,452
Understood, earl.
263
00:09:47,454 --> 00:09:48,687
(inhales deeply)
264
00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:50,121
I know you all have
some questions
265
00:09:50,123 --> 00:09:52,757
About the messy incident
that took place
266
00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:53,959
In our basement
this weekend,
267
00:09:53,961 --> 00:09:58,263
But let's agree
to have an open dialogue,
268
00:09:58,265 --> 00:10:00,699
Free of any
finger-pointing, okay?
269
00:10:00,701 --> 00:10:03,935
That said, I blame
you and you and you
270
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:04,869
And, back up, you.
271
00:10:04,871 --> 00:10:06,771
Okay, okay.
Let's calm down.
272
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:10,542
Our kids only got into
one of my unfermented batches,
273
00:10:10,544 --> 00:10:13,445
So, luckily,
they just drank pure mold.
274
00:10:13,447 --> 00:10:13,979
Oh, no!
275
00:10:13,981 --> 00:10:16,348
You will not lump adam
in with your band
of beer sippers.
276
00:10:16,350 --> 00:10:20,585
He didn't get sick,
which means he never
drank the mold.
277
00:10:20,587 --> 00:10:22,621
Oh, please, I've seen
adam doing horseplay
278
00:10:22,623 --> 00:10:26,157
When I have specifically
requested no horseplay.
279
00:10:26,159 --> 00:10:27,225
He's no angel.
280
00:10:27,227 --> 00:10:27,826
Oh, he is an angel.
281
00:10:27,828 --> 00:10:31,096
He could literally
sprout wings and take flight
at any moment!
282
00:10:31,098 --> 00:10:32,731
I know dave kim
better than anyone,
283
00:10:32,733 --> 00:10:34,866
And there's no way
he'd ever drink a beer,
284
00:10:34,868 --> 00:10:38,069
Unless he was
peer-pressured.
285
00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:39,304
Don't you point at me.
286
00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:39,938
From what I heard,
287
00:10:39,940 --> 00:10:42,574
Your little smokey the bear
brought a pipe.
288
00:10:42,576 --> 00:10:43,208
My son hurt no one
289
00:10:43,210 --> 00:10:45,577
And looked like
an elegant ship captain.
290
00:10:45,579 --> 00:10:46,645
Adult adam: And with that,
291
00:10:46,647 --> 00:10:47,779
The open dialogue free of finger-pointing
292
00:10:47,781 --> 00:10:50,882
Broke down into a profanity-laced free-for-all.
293
00:10:50,884 --> 00:10:53,818
This absurdity went on for another 25 minutes.
294
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:56,021
(all shouting)
indoor voices, everybody!
295
00:10:56,023 --> 00:10:58,990
Adult adam: And absolutely nothing was accomplished.
296
00:10:58,992 --> 00:10:59,858
Now, that's enough!
297
00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:03,728
It seems there is
only one thing
we can all agree on,
298
00:11:03,730 --> 00:11:05,964
And that is that
the goldberg sleepover
299
00:11:05,966 --> 00:11:09,401
Was the last time
our boys ever hang out.
300
00:11:09,403 --> 00:11:11,002
Agreed.
Fine with me.
301
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:13,171
Wait, the last time?
302
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:14,105
What does that mean?
303
00:11:14,107 --> 00:11:16,041
It means we separate
our little drinking buddies
304
00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:17,342
Before they end up
as winos on the street.
305
00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:19,811
Adult adam:
While my social life was being dismantled,
306
00:11:19,813 --> 00:11:22,047
Erica and barry's plan was coming together,
307
00:11:22,049 --> 00:11:24,582
Steal a song and pass it off as their own.
308
00:11:24,584 --> 00:11:25,650
¶ now that it's done
309
00:11:25,652 --> 00:11:29,521
¶ I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind
310
00:11:29,523 --> 00:11:31,589
¶ that I put down in words
311
00:11:31,591 --> 00:11:35,760
(rapping)
¶ words, words, adjectives and verbs
312
00:11:35,762 --> 00:11:40,165
¶ how wonderful life is
313
00:11:40,167 --> 00:11:44,769
¶ now you're in the world ¶
314
00:11:44,771 --> 00:11:46,337
That was incredible.
315
00:11:46,339 --> 00:11:49,674
Yeah? You really like
our original song
316
00:11:49,676 --> 00:11:51,042
That we wrote together?
317
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:51,576
I really do.
318
00:11:51,578 --> 00:11:53,611
I think we proved that
we deserve a cd player.
319
00:11:53,613 --> 00:11:55,880
You mean elton john
deserves a cd player.
320
00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:57,415
He knows the song.
He knows the song.
321
00:11:57,417 --> 00:11:59,551
You know the song?
Of course
I know the song!
322
00:11:59,553 --> 00:12:01,686
But you don't
listen to music.
323
00:12:01,688 --> 00:12:02,520
But I live on earth!
324
00:12:02,522 --> 00:12:04,856
You do realize
when elton john says
325
00:12:04,858 --> 00:12:07,258
"you can tell everybody
that this is your song,"
326
00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:10,395
It's not actually
your song, right?
327
00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:11,463
Okay, so maybe we lied,
328
00:12:11,465 --> 00:12:14,499
But we did write
an original masterpiece.
329
00:12:14,501 --> 00:12:16,167
Erica, quick,
play love ninja.
330
00:12:16,169 --> 00:12:17,736
Please, no love ninja.
331
00:12:17,738 --> 00:12:19,904
Let's make this simple.
332
00:12:19,906 --> 00:12:22,574
You're not getting
a cd player.
333
00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:26,878
I hereby declare this
a cassette house.
334
00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:28,546
So it is written.
335
00:12:28,548 --> 00:12:30,482
So it is done.
336
00:12:31,684 --> 00:12:34,452
You were right, pops.
He'll never understand.
337
00:12:34,454 --> 00:12:36,154
The man
just doesn't get music.
338
00:12:36,156 --> 00:12:38,123
Did you ever stop
to think why?
339
00:12:38,125 --> 00:12:41,726
When your dad was your age,
there was no music.
340
00:12:41,728 --> 00:12:43,328
'cause it wasn't
invented yet.
341
00:12:43,330 --> 00:12:45,530
No. There was
no time for music.
342
00:12:45,532 --> 00:12:47,165
Back then,
his father gave him nothing.
343
00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:51,169
Your dad's only "thing"
was raising
his little brother.
344
00:12:51,171 --> 00:12:54,539
Maybe you should think about
what he sacrificed
345
00:12:54,541 --> 00:12:55,707
And give him
something back.
346
00:12:55,709 --> 00:12:58,877
Adult adam: While barry and erica were realizing the error of their ways,
347
00:12:58,879 --> 00:13:02,113
My friends and I were still being punished for ours.
348
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:04,082
Hey, guys.
Hello.
349
00:13:04,084 --> 00:13:05,283
Hi.
Yo.
350
00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:06,451
How was everyone's day?
351
00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:07,852
Don't put us
in this position, dude.
352
00:13:07,854 --> 00:13:10,588
You know we can't
exchange pleasantries.
353
00:13:10,590 --> 00:13:13,391
Well, I miss you guys.
354
00:13:13,393 --> 00:13:14,425
Even you, dave kim.
355
00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:16,561
Who's that talking?
What's happening?
356
00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:19,364
You know what?
I'm not ready
to lose you dudes.
357
00:13:19,366 --> 00:13:20,365
I don't care
what my mom thinks.
358
00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:22,567
She thinks we're a band
of alcoholic roughnecks
359
00:13:22,569 --> 00:13:24,736
And you're a snuggly,
little angel.
360
00:13:24,738 --> 00:13:28,072
Then it's time I show her
this angel has fallen.
361
00:13:28,074 --> 00:13:30,608
What angel?
What's happening?
362
00:13:30,610 --> 00:13:33,044
Adult adam: It was go time.
363
00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:34,212
We need to talk, lady!
364
00:13:34,214 --> 00:13:35,847
Okay, well,
before you start stomping
365
00:13:35,849 --> 00:13:37,348
Your little buster browns,
you need to know
366
00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:39,884
I'm not the one who wanted
you guys to stop hanging out.
367
00:13:39,886 --> 00:13:43,021
Oh, please. Thanks to you,
I lost all of my friends.
368
00:13:43,023 --> 00:13:44,222
Well, maybe
it was for the best.
369
00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:48,393
I mean, those bad apples did
ruin my angel's slumber party.
370
00:13:48,395 --> 00:13:51,362
They're not bad apples.
And I'm no angel.
371
00:13:51,364 --> 00:13:53,932
Of course you are.
You didn't drink the mold.
372
00:13:53,934 --> 00:13:56,401
Well, I was going to
drink the mold.
373
00:13:56,403 --> 00:13:57,869
But you drank no mold.
374
00:13:57,871 --> 00:14:00,138
I'll drink the mold
right now.
375
00:14:00,140 --> 00:14:03,508
Adult adam:
Drink the mold, I would, and nothing would stop me.
376
00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:06,644
Don't you dare
drink that mold!
377
00:14:06,646 --> 00:14:09,614
Consider this mold dranken.
378
00:14:09,616 --> 00:14:11,082
(gasps)
379
00:14:11,750 --> 00:14:13,117
Cuddle bear, no.
380
00:14:13,119 --> 00:14:15,086
You drank the mold!
381
00:14:15,088 --> 00:14:15,787
But I'm glad I did.
382
00:14:15,789 --> 00:14:18,523
Because now you see me
for what I am,
383
00:14:18,924 --> 00:14:20,658
A regular kid,
384
00:14:20,660 --> 00:14:21,426
Who needs a bathroom.
385
00:14:21,428 --> 00:14:23,361
Adult adam: W hile I could no longer ignore the nausea,
386
00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:24,696
Erica and barry listened to pops
387
00:14:24,698 --> 00:14:26,431
And decided to give back to my dad.
388
00:14:26,433 --> 00:14:29,100
Barry: Hey!
There's the merman!
389
00:14:29,102 --> 00:14:31,369
Shedding those slacks
like a champ.
390
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:32,537
What the hell is that?
391
00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:33,872
That is your new cd player.
392
00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:36,174
(angelic music plays)
it's a marantz ta-100
393
00:14:36,176 --> 00:14:38,910
With tuner, equalizer,
and monster speakers.
394
00:14:38,912 --> 00:14:40,178
This is for me?
395
00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:40,979
Sure is.
Barry: Yep.
396
00:14:40,981 --> 00:14:42,780
The thing you've been
desperate to get?
397
00:14:42,782 --> 00:14:44,682
Absolutely.
That is correct.
398
00:14:44,684 --> 00:14:45,650
Was this your idea?
399
00:14:45,652 --> 00:14:47,151
I don't even know anymore.
400
00:14:47,153 --> 00:14:48,586
Actually,
pops reminded us about
401
00:14:48,588 --> 00:14:51,456
How much you had
to sacrifice as a kid.
402
00:14:51,458 --> 00:14:52,190
So we did the same.
403
00:14:52,192 --> 00:14:54,792
And we traded in
all the stuff
you ever bought us
404
00:14:54,794 --> 00:14:55,660
For this one cd player.
405
00:14:55,662 --> 00:14:58,463
Now we, too, know
what it's like to suffer.
406
00:14:58,465 --> 00:15:02,100
I sacrificed my unused stilts
and abandoned aquarium,
407
00:15:02,102 --> 00:15:05,203
Just like you sacrificed
your whole childhood
408
00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:07,038
To raise your brother.
We are the same.
409
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:09,440
Of course, if you want to
let us listen to it from
410
00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:10,441
Time to time,
we won't stop you.
411
00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:12,844
But that's up to you,
'cause this is yours.
412
00:15:12,846 --> 00:15:14,846
Yeah!
Unless you're not home.
413
00:15:14,848 --> 00:15:15,513
Then it's ours.
414
00:15:15,515 --> 00:15:17,315
So, what we have here
is a self-gift.
415
00:15:17,317 --> 00:15:18,850
A what, now?
A self-gift.
416
00:15:18,852 --> 00:15:20,752
You bought it for you
but gave it to me.
417
00:15:20,754 --> 00:15:22,620
This was not
a self-gift!
418
00:15:22,622 --> 00:15:26,691
Fine! If it really is mine,
then you can't use it ever.
419
00:15:26,693 --> 00:15:27,759
No way!
You can't do that!
420
00:15:27,761 --> 00:15:30,361
What about sharing?
We need to learn
life lessons.
421
00:15:30,363 --> 00:15:33,965
Oh, that's what this is.
It's mine, all of it.
422
00:15:33,967 --> 00:15:35,233
Oh, what you got
playing here?
423
00:15:35,235 --> 00:15:37,602
That's my rare, imported
public enemy cd!
424
00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:39,637
You can't touch that.
You hate rap.
425
00:15:39,639 --> 00:15:41,906
Not anymore,
'cause it's mine.
426
00:15:41,908 --> 00:15:43,374
What?
427
00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:46,044
Oh, boy.
That's aggressive.
428
00:15:46,046 --> 00:15:47,312
Those guys are angry!
429
00:15:47,314 --> 00:15:50,748
I don't know what about,
and I don't care.
430
00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:51,783
But I'm on board!
431
00:15:51,785 --> 00:15:54,152
Fight the power is my jam,
not yours!
432
00:15:54,154 --> 00:15:55,753
Well, now I fight the power!
433
00:15:55,755 --> 00:15:58,222
You can't fight the power.
You are the power.
434
00:15:58,224 --> 00:15:59,457
Murray: No. You are.
435
00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:00,992
And chuck d agrees.
436
00:16:00,994 --> 00:16:03,861
Don't you dare
say chuck d's name!
437
00:16:03,863 --> 00:16:07,065
Oh, I'll say it.
And I'll say
"professor griff,"
438
00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:09,467
And "terminator x,"
and "flavor flav."
439
00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:12,570
They all agree that
you're the power
worth fighting!
440
00:16:12,572 --> 00:16:16,574
You have no idea how much
that hurts my feelings!
441
00:16:16,942 --> 00:16:19,177
I am not as emotional
about chuck d,
442
00:16:19,179 --> 00:16:21,779
But I am really upset
about the stereo.
443
00:16:21,781 --> 00:16:25,683
Adult adam: While my dad had intended to teach erica and barry a lesson,
444
00:16:25,685 --> 00:16:30,021
All he did was turn himself into a real public enemy.
445
00:16:30,489 --> 00:16:32,256
It had been one day since I drank the mold,
446
00:16:32,258 --> 00:16:34,759
And my mom had finally accepted that I was no better
447
00:16:34,761 --> 00:16:36,728
Than the other beer-sippers.
448
00:16:36,730 --> 00:16:39,964
Hello, everyone.
Thanks for coming.
449
00:16:40,099 --> 00:16:41,366
Uh, last time
we were all here,
450
00:16:41,368 --> 00:16:44,102
There was a lot
of finger-pointing,
451
00:16:44,104 --> 00:16:45,536
Mostly by me.
452
00:16:45,538 --> 00:16:46,537
But I just want
to say that
453
00:16:46,539 --> 00:16:48,473
Earl's idea
to keep our kids apart
454
00:16:48,475 --> 00:16:50,508
Is the stupidest thing
he's done
455
00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:53,044
Since mandatory shorts day
last June.
456
00:16:53,046 --> 00:16:54,512
Hey, there was
a heat wave.
457
00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:55,046
Shh.
458
00:16:55,048 --> 00:16:58,750
Point is, I think our kids
should be friends again.
459
00:16:58,752 --> 00:16:59,817
And you're not worried
that our band
460
00:16:59,819 --> 00:17:02,620
Of crazed suburban
hooligans will corrupt
your little angel?
461
00:17:02,622 --> 00:17:06,124
Look, I realize
they're not monsters.
462
00:17:06,126 --> 00:17:07,658
They're just growing up.
463
00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:11,796
Which means they're still
sweet and cute and kind.
464
00:17:11,798 --> 00:17:13,765
But now they're also
little (bleep)sticks
465
00:17:13,767 --> 00:17:14,866
That need to be watched
at every turn.
466
00:17:14,868 --> 00:17:19,303
Why did they have to
turn slumber parties
into sleepovers?
467
00:17:19,305 --> 00:17:20,438
They were so adorable
468
00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:22,140
Snuggled up
in those sleeping bags.
469
00:17:22,142 --> 00:17:24,342
I don't even punish garry
to his room anymore.
470
00:17:24,344 --> 00:17:27,412
My wife and I,
we just lock ourselves
in the bedroom,
471
00:17:27,414 --> 00:17:29,247
Let him have
the run of the house.
472
00:17:29,249 --> 00:17:31,983
Growing up is so hard on them,
you know?
473
00:17:31,985 --> 00:17:33,484
They need each other.
474
00:17:33,486 --> 00:17:34,018
They really do.
475
00:17:34,020 --> 00:17:37,021
But the truth is,
we need each other, too.
476
00:17:37,023 --> 00:17:38,256
We can't do this alone.
477
00:17:38,258 --> 00:17:41,959
So from here on out,
we're a united front.
478
00:17:41,961 --> 00:17:42,693
What do you say?
479
00:17:42,695 --> 00:17:46,697
Adult adam: That day, our parents finally found some real common ground.
480
00:17:46,699 --> 00:17:49,233
Back at home, my mom decided to make things right
481
00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:50,935
With her grounded son.
(knock on door)
482
00:17:50,937 --> 00:17:53,137
Hey, schmoo.
How you feeling?
483
00:17:53,139 --> 00:17:56,607
I'm regretting my decision
to drink the mold.
484
00:17:56,942 --> 00:17:59,644
Well, when
you feel better, um...
485
00:17:59,646 --> 00:18:00,878
These are for the arcade.
486
00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:03,681
Thought you could
have the birthday
you actually wanted.
487
00:18:03,683 --> 00:18:07,785
Thanks, but there's no point
in playing air hockey alone.
488
00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:09,720
(smacks lips)
489
00:18:09,722 --> 00:18:11,389
About that...
490
00:18:11,391 --> 00:18:14,392
I had a chat
with the other parents.
491
00:18:14,394 --> 00:18:15,259
The ban's been lifted.
492
00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:16,961
But I thought
those guys were bad apples.
493
00:18:16,963 --> 00:18:20,231
Well, you know what they say
about bad apples.
494
00:18:20,233 --> 00:18:21,199
They make the best pies.
495
00:18:21,201 --> 00:18:23,701
Adult adam:
That wasn't a real saying,
496
00:18:23,703 --> 00:18:24,769
But it was my mom's way of admitting
497
00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:29,774
That I was gonna grow up whether she liked it or not.
498
00:18:31,176 --> 00:18:31,742
Wait.
499
00:18:31,744 --> 00:18:34,412
¶ my gift is my song, and...
500
00:18:34,414 --> 00:18:36,481
I know I'm in middle school
and all,
501
00:18:36,483 --> 00:18:40,318
But could you stay
and rub my upset tummy?
502
00:18:40,853 --> 00:18:41,786
You got it, angel.
503
00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:44,088
¶ and you can tell everybody
504
00:18:44,356 --> 00:18:47,225
¶ this is your song
505
00:18:47,392 --> 00:18:52,196
¶ it may be quite simple, but now that it's done
506
00:18:52,198 --> 00:18:55,500
Adult adam: Truth is, none of us were perfect angels.
507
00:18:55,502 --> 00:18:57,201
But our parents weren't perfect, either.
508
00:18:57,203 --> 00:18:58,102
¶ I hope you don't mind
509
00:18:58,104 --> 00:18:59,637
Adult adam: That's the thing about growing up,
510
00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:03,307
After a while, it's better to accept the way things are
511
00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:06,978
Than to stay hung up on the way things used to be.
512
00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:10,181
¶ while you're in the world ¶
513
00:19:10,183 --> 00:19:11,616
Adult adam:
Which is why my dad decided
514
00:19:11,618 --> 00:19:15,019
To give a little something back to erica and barry.
515
00:19:15,021 --> 00:19:17,255
I know
this was a gift for me,
516
00:19:17,257 --> 00:19:19,657
But I think you'll get
more use out of it.
517
00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:21,292
Really? But I thought
that you said...
518
00:19:21,294 --> 00:19:25,062
Look, I know
I got a little bit crazy.
519
00:19:25,064 --> 00:19:27,765
Sometimes it's hard
because the two of you,
520
00:19:27,767 --> 00:19:31,002
Your lives are so different
than the way mine was.
521
00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:34,505
But truthfully,
that's the way I want it.
522
00:19:35,774 --> 00:19:39,177
Now go ahead,
enjoy your music.
523
00:19:39,179 --> 00:19:40,144
I know it's your thing.
524
00:19:40,146 --> 00:19:41,479
Adult adam:
All it took was a cd player
525
00:19:41,481 --> 00:19:44,081
For my dad to stop punishing his kids for his past
526
00:19:44,083 --> 00:19:47,185
And start supporting their dreams for the future.
527
00:19:47,187 --> 00:19:50,288
As for my mom, she got the support she always needed
528
00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:51,088
From her new group of friends.
529
00:19:51,090 --> 00:19:54,425
Once a month, our parents got together for a homemade stout
530
00:19:54,427 --> 00:19:57,962
And to talk about the hell we put them through.
531
00:19:57,964 --> 00:20:00,865
And me, I not only got my old friends back,
532
00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:03,167
But I gained a new one.
533
00:20:04,469 --> 00:20:06,604
Sure, garry was cool and I was far from it,
534
00:20:06,606 --> 00:20:09,674
But together, we cooked up some memories
535
00:20:09,676 --> 00:20:11,375
That would last a lifetime.
536
00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:15,313
(swedish accent)
welcome to the swedish chef cooking hour.
537
00:20:15,315 --> 00:20:16,847
Bork, bork.
538
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:22,353
(swedish accent)
first is monkey soup.
539
00:20:23,255 --> 00:20:25,590
Monkey... Monkey soup.
540
00:20:25,592 --> 00:20:27,825
(all grunting)
541
00:20:28,327 --> 00:20:29,827
No monkey!
542
00:20:29,829 --> 00:20:30,761
No monkey soup today!
543
00:20:30,763 --> 00:20:34,031
No monkey.
No monkey soup today!
544
00:20:37,569 --> 00:20:41,339
Dude, you got a discman?
That's unbelievable!
545
00:20:41,341 --> 00:20:45,042
I know! Look.
It's so small and sleek
546
00:20:45,044 --> 00:20:46,944
And fits in the palm
of both hands together.
547
00:20:46,946 --> 00:20:49,880
So, how is it?
Uh, it has some kinks.
548
00:20:49,882 --> 00:20:51,716
It skips a lot
if you run with it.
549
00:20:51,718 --> 00:20:54,085
Or walk, or breathe heavily.
550
00:20:54,087 --> 00:20:55,119
Negative thoughts
also affect it.
551
00:20:55,121 --> 00:20:59,190
That's nuts.
You're just listening wrong.
Let me try.
552
00:21:01,226 --> 00:21:03,761
Oh, wow. Yeah, that's...
That's skipping.
553
00:21:03,763 --> 00:21:04,562
Just... Just hold it steady.
554
00:21:04,564 --> 00:21:06,030
I can't.
God, it just keeps skipping.
555
00:21:06,032 --> 00:21:07,164
Try pressing it
to your body.
556
00:21:07,166 --> 00:21:10,101
Stop skipping
while I barely move!
It'll stabilize.
557
00:21:10,103 --> 00:21:10,801
Oh! I got it! Ha!
558
00:21:10,803 --> 00:21:13,204
The trick is to
fully extend your arm
559
00:21:13,206 --> 00:21:14,672
And hold it up
as high as you can.
560
00:21:14,674 --> 00:21:17,475
(chuckles)
yeah, this is awesome!
561
00:21:17,743 --> 00:21:21,045
Oh. No.
No, it's skipping again.
49914
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