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1
00:00:00,066 --> 00:00:02,167
Adult adam:
If being sentimental were a sport,
2
00:00:02,169 --> 00:00:02,968
My mom would've gone pro.
3
00:00:02,970 --> 00:00:05,404
Each moment of our lives was documented, decorated,
4
00:00:05,406 --> 00:00:11,110
And preserved forever in one of her many creepy scrapbooks.
5
00:00:11,644 --> 00:00:13,078
Aw. (chuckles)
6
00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:15,180
His little body's changing.
7
00:00:15,182 --> 00:00:18,584
You said that was
to show the
dermatologist!
8
00:00:18,586 --> 00:00:19,284
Lies!
9
00:00:19,286 --> 00:00:20,853
My dad, on the other hand,
10
00:00:20,855 --> 00:00:23,622
Wasn't quite as sentimental about us.
11
00:00:24,257 --> 00:00:24,757
Bye, dad.
12
00:00:24,759 --> 00:00:27,359
Have fun at camp
or college or
13
00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:29,995
Wherever it is
you're going.
14
00:00:30,330 --> 00:00:30,929
It drove him crazy
15
00:00:30,931 --> 00:00:32,731
That my mom would commandeer the garage
16
00:00:32,733 --> 00:00:34,666
To obsessively save every little piece of artwork,
17
00:00:34,668 --> 00:00:37,569
Doodle, and drawing that we have ever done.
18
00:00:37,571 --> 00:00:39,304
(sighs heavily)
19
00:00:40,306 --> 00:00:44,176
It accrued slowly over time until that fateful day
20
00:00:44,178 --> 00:00:47,413
Of the great goldberg avalanche.
21
00:00:47,415 --> 00:00:49,348
Aah!
22
00:00:49,482 --> 00:00:51,683
Are you kidding me?
23
00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:53,552
Oh! Damn it!
24
00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:54,586
Help!
25
00:00:54,588 --> 00:00:56,688
(horn honking)
bevy!
26
00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:58,857
I could've been killed!
27
00:00:58,859 --> 00:01:00,526
Oh, poop!
28
00:01:00,528 --> 00:01:05,397
You ruined adam's
jelly bean diorama
of custer's last stand.
29
00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:05,898
Poopies!
30
00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:08,100
That's it. I'm cleaning
this whole place out.
31
00:01:08,102 --> 00:01:11,870
No! Where am I gonna hide
my six-pack of...Homework.
32
00:01:11,872 --> 00:01:13,806
And the magazines
I'm holding for a friend.
33
00:01:13,808 --> 00:01:17,443
Hide it in the woods
like every other kid!
34
00:01:17,445 --> 00:01:20,712
All this crap
has got to go!
35
00:01:20,714 --> 00:01:21,547
It's not crap.
36
00:01:21,549 --> 00:01:24,983
Every box is filled
with priceless
family memories,
37
00:01:24,985 --> 00:01:26,852
Each one more
valuable than
the next.
38
00:01:26,854 --> 00:01:30,823
Bevy, we are drowning
in our children's
art projects.
39
00:01:30,825 --> 00:01:34,660
You have literally
kept every drawing,
every doodle,
40
00:01:34,662 --> 00:01:37,329
Every macaroni necklace
they have ever made.
41
00:01:37,331 --> 00:01:39,031
Did you know that
albert einstein's
42
00:01:39,033 --> 00:01:44,870
First macaroni necklace
just sold for over $1 million?
43
00:01:44,872 --> 00:01:46,238
Einstein, huh?
44
00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:48,440
Which child would that be?
45
00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:49,575
Hey, bar?
46
00:01:49,577 --> 00:01:50,776
Ugh!
47
00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:51,743
Ew!
48
00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:53,078
¶ I'm twisted up inside
49
00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:56,982
¶ but nonetheless I feel the need to say
50
00:01:59,185 --> 00:02:00,486
¶ I don't know the future
51
00:02:00,488 --> 00:02:04,089
¶ but the past keeps getting clearer every day ¶
52
00:02:04,091 --> 00:02:06,625
Adult adam:
It was January 7, 1980-something,
53
00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:09,828
And erica was finding a new and exciting way to torture us.
54
00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:12,865
Ha! Look,
it's barry's
baby helmet.
55
00:02:12,867 --> 00:02:15,534
No! I thought we gave
that back to the institute.
56
00:02:15,536 --> 00:02:18,070
You were so cute
with your little flat head.
57
00:02:18,072 --> 00:02:19,371
I used to rest
my kool-aid on you.
58
00:02:19,373 --> 00:02:21,340
Well, my head's
perfectly round now.
59
00:02:21,342 --> 00:02:25,511
Oh, my gosh.
It's a picture of you
all helmeted up.
60
00:02:25,513 --> 00:02:27,312
This is gonna look
great in the yearbook.
61
00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:27,980
No, please, show mercy.
62
00:02:27,982 --> 00:02:31,183
Adult adam: Yep, my sister had a gift for making our lives a living hell.
63
00:02:31,185 --> 00:02:34,419
The more public the humiliation, the better.
64
00:02:34,421 --> 00:02:36,555
Hey!
(giggles)
65
00:02:36,557 --> 00:02:37,022
Why?
66
00:02:37,024 --> 00:02:40,025
You wore tear-away pants.
This is on you.
67
00:02:40,027 --> 00:02:42,227
(sing-songy) hey, adam.
68
00:02:42,229 --> 00:02:42,995
Oh, balls!
69
00:02:42,997 --> 00:02:43,962
It's your potty pal,
remember?
70
00:02:43,964 --> 00:02:48,066
Mom bought him for you
because you thought
monsters lived in the toilet.
71
00:02:48,068 --> 00:02:50,169
They weren't monsters!
72
00:02:50,171 --> 00:02:51,036
They were toilet trolls.
73
00:02:51,038 --> 00:02:53,805
(baby voice) aw, is pudgy
wittle adam still too scared
74
00:02:53,807 --> 00:02:54,706
To make
poo-poos now, huh?
75
00:02:54,708 --> 00:02:58,043
Oh, like you're
so perfect
with all your...
76
00:02:58,045 --> 00:02:59,278
Your trophies.
77
00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:00,412
And your "a" papers,
78
00:03:00,414 --> 00:03:03,749
And your...
Your framed commendation
from the mayor?
79
00:03:03,751 --> 00:03:05,417
Seriously?
Yeah, nice try.
80
00:03:05,419 --> 00:03:09,721
Well, let's see what
treasures lie in this box.
81
00:03:10,990 --> 00:03:12,291
Nothing to see here,
bye-bye.
82
00:03:12,293 --> 00:03:14,960
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
83
00:03:14,962 --> 00:03:18,330
It's an old box
of your new kids
on the block stuff.
84
00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:19,164
You still love them.
85
00:03:19,166 --> 00:03:21,733
(scoffs) no,
I'm way too old
to like boy bands.
86
00:03:21,735 --> 00:03:23,135
Then I'll throw
them away for you.
87
00:03:23,137 --> 00:03:24,436
No! Don't touch them!
They're mine!
88
00:03:24,438 --> 00:03:27,472
Adult adam: Yep, long before one direction and 'n sync,
89
00:03:27,474 --> 00:03:29,408
There was the original boy band...
90
00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:30,142
New kids on the block.
91
00:03:30,144 --> 00:03:31,443
You still love the new kids.
You're lame.
92
00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:32,711
You love 'em.
You're so lame.
93
00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:36,148
No, you guys are
lame sacks of...
94
00:03:36,150 --> 00:03:37,516
Just shut up!
95
00:03:37,518 --> 00:03:39,051
Damn it!
96
00:03:39,053 --> 00:03:40,886
She got away
with all our ammo!
97
00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:41,954
Not all of it.
98
00:03:41,956 --> 00:03:43,322
How?
Sleight of hand.
99
00:03:43,324 --> 00:03:45,224
And you thought
magic camp
was for dorks.
100
00:03:45,226 --> 00:03:47,259
I still do,
but good work.
101
00:03:47,261 --> 00:03:49,228
After years of one-sided torture,
102
00:03:49,230 --> 00:03:50,996
We finally got some ammo.
103
00:03:50,998 --> 00:03:51,597
Oh, hey, guys.
104
00:03:51,599 --> 00:03:53,665
Adult adam: And it would change everything.
105
00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:56,368
It's erica goldberg, your number one fan.
106
00:03:56,370 --> 00:03:59,238
(laughs) and I wanted to make this video
107
00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:02,441
So that you could see firsthand how much I love you
108
00:04:02,443 --> 00:04:04,676
And wanna marry you.
(giggles)
109
00:04:04,678 --> 00:04:08,080
But not all of you. Just you, jonathan.
110
00:04:08,082 --> 00:04:10,349
In fact, I wrote a song about you.
111
00:04:10,351 --> 00:04:13,418
So I'm gonna... I'm gonna sing it for you.
112
00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:15,120
¶ jonny
113
00:04:15,122 --> 00:04:17,689
¶ jonny, jonny
114
00:04:17,824 --> 00:04:19,691
¶ I love you ¶
115
00:04:19,693 --> 00:04:20,692
(sobbing)
116
00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:23,695
I love you so much!
(sobbing)
117
00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:25,664
I do! I... I love you!
118
00:04:25,666 --> 00:04:27,332
¶ I love you ¶
119
00:04:27,334 --> 00:04:30,269
(high-pitched voice)
I love you so much!
120
00:04:30,271 --> 00:04:33,572
I always knew one day
a good thing would
happen to me.
121
00:04:33,574 --> 00:04:35,741
And that day is now.
I love you so much!
122
00:04:35,743 --> 00:04:37,142
Do you know what
this means?
123
00:04:37,144 --> 00:04:40,112
Her reign of terror
is finally over.
124
00:04:40,114 --> 00:04:42,180
And we must
annihilate her.
125
00:04:42,182 --> 00:04:43,015
Absolutely.
126
00:04:43,017 --> 00:04:46,218
Don't steeple your fingers.
I'm steepling mine!
127
00:04:46,220 --> 00:04:47,152
We can't both do it.
128
00:04:47,154 --> 00:04:49,688
If anybody should be
steepling, it should be me.
129
00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:50,522
Your fingers are weird.
What?
130
00:04:50,524 --> 00:04:53,158
No, they're not.
What are you
talking about?
131
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:57,229
How's that weird?
How can you say that
with a straight face?
132
00:04:57,597 --> 00:04:59,398
I don't think
it's that weird, man.
133
00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:01,166
They're like
witch's fingers.
134
00:05:01,168 --> 00:05:03,468
Adult adam: Meanwhile, my dad had laid down the law.
135
00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:06,938
My mom was allowed to fill a single trunk with our art.
136
00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:09,441
Sadly, it didn't have infinite space.
137
00:05:09,443 --> 00:05:12,511
Bevy, we've been
at this for hours.
138
00:05:12,513 --> 00:05:14,112
Please move it along.
Come on.
139
00:05:14,114 --> 00:05:18,417
Oh! Adam's family portrait
from kindergarten.
140
00:05:18,419 --> 00:05:19,351
I gotta keep this.
141
00:05:19,353 --> 00:05:21,787
What are we, a family
of potatoes? Toss it.
142
00:05:21,789 --> 00:05:25,090
All right, fine, but you
can't expect me
to get rid of this.
143
00:05:25,092 --> 00:05:28,360
Oh, yes, I can.
It's a turkey.
We get it.
144
00:05:28,362 --> 00:05:31,063
It's his little hand
preserved forever.
145
00:05:31,065 --> 00:05:31,963
He still has a hand!
146
00:05:31,965 --> 00:05:35,701
Adam! Come down here
and show your
mother your hand!
147
00:05:35,703 --> 00:05:39,371
Oh, now it's all...
Huge and gangly.
148
00:05:39,373 --> 00:05:42,040
Don't you just
miss those pudgy
little baby hands?
149
00:05:42,042 --> 00:05:45,077
It's just
a crappy turkey.
Toss it!
150
00:05:45,079 --> 00:05:48,747
And toss the blue banana
and the dog with six legs!
151
00:05:48,749 --> 00:05:53,051
Okay, you seriously
can't tell me that
erica's finger painting
152
00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:54,219
Makes you feel nothing.
153
00:05:54,221 --> 00:05:56,855
I feel something...
Confused.
154
00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:58,390
Who the hell's "babby"?
155
00:05:58,392 --> 00:05:59,491
It says "daddy."
156
00:05:59,493 --> 00:06:01,259
She made her little
d's backwards.
157
00:06:01,261 --> 00:06:05,097
You're her "babby."
how do you
not feel anything?
158
00:06:05,099 --> 00:06:07,199
I'll tell you how,
and it's simple.
159
00:06:07,201 --> 00:06:10,836
Our children
are not talented.
160
00:06:10,838 --> 00:06:11,403
You're a monster.
161
00:06:11,405 --> 00:06:15,941
Well, that would explain
why I have three eyes
and lobster hands.
162
00:06:15,943 --> 00:06:16,742
Toss!
163
00:06:16,744 --> 00:06:18,710
Okay, fellas,
it's all gotta go.
164
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:21,446
Are you sure
bevy's fine with this?
165
00:06:21,448 --> 00:06:23,548
Absolutely.
She's more than fine.
166
00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:25,717
Then why do I feel
her eyes on me
167
00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:28,653
Like a thousand
tiny daggers?
168
00:06:31,457 --> 00:06:33,592
I let her keep
her one trunk.
169
00:06:33,594 --> 00:06:34,626
That's more than fair.
170
00:06:34,628 --> 00:06:37,863
Trust me,
once that stuff's
at the dump,
171
00:06:37,865 --> 00:06:39,331
She'll forget all about it.
172
00:06:39,333 --> 00:06:41,767
All right,
that's everything.
173
00:06:41,868 --> 00:06:42,834
Thank you.
174
00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:45,470
I feel good about this.
Mmm.
175
00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:49,241
Wait, where's the trunk?
176
00:06:49,442 --> 00:06:51,143
Hey, wait!
Hey, hold on!
177
00:06:51,145 --> 00:06:52,344
Wait, wait!
Stop! Stop!
178
00:06:52,346 --> 00:06:54,713
All right, you run after them,
I'll go get the car keys.
179
00:06:54,715 --> 00:06:56,314
Why do I have to
run after them?
180
00:06:56,316 --> 00:06:58,016
You're spry.
It's your thing.
181
00:06:58,018 --> 00:07:00,652
How 'bout you run,
I get the keys?
182
00:07:00,654 --> 00:07:02,120
You can't drive!
183
00:07:02,122 --> 00:07:03,655
Get off my jock, mur.
184
00:07:03,657 --> 00:07:06,191
I'm making this stuff up
on the fly here.
185
00:07:06,193 --> 00:07:09,528
Fine! We'll both get
the damn keys.
186
00:07:11,964 --> 00:07:14,232
That truck is gone.
187
00:07:14,534 --> 00:07:16,635
Yes... It is.
188
00:07:16,637 --> 00:07:17,936
(laughing)
189
00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:19,337
All: Hey!
190
00:07:19,339 --> 00:07:20,472
Come on in!
191
00:07:20,474 --> 00:07:22,107
We just invited over
a few pals
192
00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:24,576
For a little
video premiere party.
No.
193
00:07:24,578 --> 00:07:26,211
I like it when you said
your hand was jonathan
194
00:07:26,213 --> 00:07:27,679
And then you
made out with it.
(laughing)
195
00:07:27,681 --> 00:07:30,449
No!
Wait, you made fun of me
for my corey feldman shrine,
196
00:07:30,451 --> 00:07:32,350
And all along,
you were doing this?
197
00:07:32,352 --> 00:07:32,951
No!
Yes.
198
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:34,920
No!
Let's play it again,
shall we?
199
00:07:34,922 --> 00:07:37,622
Stop doing
what you're doing
and turn it off.
200
00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:38,757
Turn it up?
Yeah, you got it.
201
00:07:38,759 --> 00:07:40,325
Turn it off!
Erica: (on tv) I love you!
202
00:07:40,327 --> 00:07:42,461
Barry, the attic!
I love you so much!
203
00:07:42,463 --> 00:07:43,562
Adult adam:
My sister was furious
204
00:07:43,564 --> 00:07:46,431
She had lost all the power, but not half as mad
205
00:07:46,433 --> 00:07:49,034
As when she saw what we did to her room.
206
00:07:49,036 --> 00:07:51,069
Ho, ho!
207
00:07:54,073 --> 00:07:56,441
Donald.
Why are you
doing this to me?
208
00:07:56,443 --> 00:08:00,946
We just wanted to
make sure you had...
"the right stuff."
209
00:08:00,948 --> 00:08:03,448
Just take your stupid
flat helmet head
210
00:08:03,450 --> 00:08:04,249
And get out of my room.
211
00:08:04,251 --> 00:08:07,619
Normally, that would
send me into
an emotional tailspin.
212
00:08:07,621 --> 00:08:09,821
But from now on,
no matter what you say,
213
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:12,157
You're just
a borderline
adult woman
214
00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:13,225
Who likes lame
boy bands.
215
00:08:13,227 --> 00:08:16,261
No! You do not
have the power.
216
00:08:16,263 --> 00:08:17,496
I have the power.
217
00:08:17,498 --> 00:08:18,897
Oh, no.
218
00:08:18,899 --> 00:08:20,665
For years,
our stupid life choices
219
00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:23,301
And physical awkwardness
has given you ammo
220
00:08:23,303 --> 00:08:25,637
To humiliate us,
but no more!
221
00:08:25,639 --> 00:08:27,772
I say, no more!
222
00:08:28,975 --> 00:08:29,741
And just like that,
223
00:08:29,743 --> 00:08:33,778
Erica's childhood dreams became her adult nightmare.
224
00:08:33,780 --> 00:08:36,248
("you got it
the right stuff" playing) it had been three days
225
00:08:36,250 --> 00:08:38,850
Since we started using new kids to taunt erica.
226
00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:40,919
Unfortunately, all that musical exposure
227
00:08:40,921 --> 00:08:44,022
Led to some unintended consequences.
228
00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:46,525
¶ first time was a great time
(singing along)
229
00:08:46,527 --> 00:08:48,760
¶ second time was a blast
230
00:08:48,762 --> 00:08:50,795
¶ third time I fell in love
231
00:08:50,797 --> 00:08:51,930
¶ now I hope it lasts
232
00:08:51,932 --> 00:08:53,265
What are you doing?
¶ I could see it in... ¶
233
00:08:53,267 --> 00:08:56,001
(music stops)
me? Like,
right now? Just...
234
00:08:56,003 --> 00:08:59,571
You know,
bagging on erica
and her stupid music.
235
00:08:59,573 --> 00:09:00,805
By singing along?
Yes!
236
00:09:00,807 --> 00:09:03,241
I mean, how am
I really gonna
torture erica
237
00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:06,244
If I don't know
all the words
to the song?
238
00:09:06,246 --> 00:09:07,512
It was a wobbly premise at best
239
00:09:07,514 --> 00:09:10,482
And there's no way he'd buy it.
240
00:09:10,484 --> 00:09:12,384
That's a good point, dude.
241
00:09:12,386 --> 00:09:13,885
It is?
Yeah.
242
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,887
'cause I might've
memorized their
entire album.
243
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:19,124
Smart!
That'll really
piss her off!
244
00:09:19,126 --> 00:09:21,359
What's your favorite song?
To torture erica with.
245
00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:24,262
That'd be a 10-way tie
between all of them!
246
00:09:24,264 --> 00:09:24,896
Take that, erica!
247
00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:28,199
Can you believe
her favorite new kid
is jonathan knight?
248
00:09:28,201 --> 00:09:30,068
I mean, hello,
he's the shy one.
249
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:33,805
Yeah, but you put him
on the dance floor,
he blows everyone away.
250
00:09:33,807 --> 00:09:34,372
Of course!
251
00:09:34,374 --> 00:09:36,641
That's why I learned
all of joey mcintyre's
lyrics!
252
00:09:36,643 --> 00:09:38,410
'cause he's like me,
the youngest and the cutest
253
00:09:38,412 --> 00:09:40,078
And always getting
into shenanigans.
254
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,080
Joey? If anything,
you're a jordan.
255
00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:43,381
'cause your voice
is all high
256
00:09:43,383 --> 00:09:44,449
And you're cocky
when you shouldn't be.
257
00:09:44,451 --> 00:09:46,217
Oh, yeah?
Well, you're a danny.
258
00:09:46,219 --> 00:09:49,187
Please. I'm donnie,
the bad boy,
and you know it.
259
00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:51,323
Can you knobs
please keep it down?
260
00:09:51,325 --> 00:09:51,990
I'm trying to study.
261
00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:53,792
Why? You studying
with your boyfriends
262
00:09:53,794 --> 00:09:55,493
Danny, donnie, joey,
jon, jordan?
263
00:09:55,495 --> 00:09:58,163
Gosh, shut up with that!
264
00:09:58,165 --> 00:09:59,764
I have the power!
265
00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:02,334
See? I know at a glance
I have danny aspects,
266
00:10:02,336 --> 00:10:05,837
But donnie has that
roughneck appeal
that ladies love!
267
00:10:05,839 --> 00:10:08,807
Hey, you know what would
totally drive erica nuts?
268
00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:10,241
If we learned
all their dance moves.
269
00:10:10,243 --> 00:10:12,477
Know what else
would really
rub her nose in it?
270
00:10:12,479 --> 00:10:16,448
We do a shot-for-shot
remake of their
music video.
271
00:10:16,450 --> 00:10:17,849
Yes!
(giggles)
272
00:10:17,851 --> 00:10:19,884
¶ oh, oh, oh-oh-oh ¶
273
00:10:19,886 --> 00:10:21,052
Oh, yeah.
All right.
274
00:10:21,054 --> 00:10:23,488
I'm gonna go cut off
the sleeves of
my jean jacket,
275
00:10:23,490 --> 00:10:24,789
You go gather up
some leather vests,
276
00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:26,658
And that'll really
stick it to her!
277
00:10:26,660 --> 00:10:28,593
While my brother and I were fooling ourselves,
278
00:10:28,595 --> 00:10:31,196
My dad and pops were hoping to fool my mom
279
00:10:31,198 --> 00:10:33,264
By forging our old artwork and putting it
280
00:10:33,266 --> 00:10:34,532
In a duplicate trunk.
281
00:10:34,534 --> 00:10:36,301
There you go.
282
00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:38,837
Good as the real thing.
283
00:10:38,839 --> 00:10:39,938
The hell is this?
284
00:10:39,940 --> 00:10:42,073
You said adam
drew a potato family.
285
00:10:42,075 --> 00:10:45,076
Not actual potatoes!
Potato-shaped!
286
00:10:45,078 --> 00:10:46,344
And what are they
doing on a farm?
287
00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:48,413
Where else would
a potato family live?
288
00:10:48,415 --> 00:10:50,515
It's too good!
It's supposed to be awful.
289
00:10:50,517 --> 00:10:53,318
Well, we gotta fill up
this trunk with something,
290
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:56,354
And all we got is
a few macaroni necklaces,
291
00:10:56,356 --> 00:10:59,824
A blue banana,
and this glittery thing.
292
00:10:59,826 --> 00:11:03,862
It's supposed to say,
"I love you babby." babby!
293
00:11:03,864 --> 00:11:05,430
What the hell is a babby?
294
00:11:05,432 --> 00:11:06,998
I'm the babby!
295
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,401
It's too good.
Do it again,
and do it worse.
296
00:11:09,403 --> 00:11:12,037
Hey, I got talent.
I can't suppress it.
297
00:11:12,039 --> 00:11:15,674
In fact,
if you don't want
my potato family,
298
00:11:15,676 --> 00:11:18,009
Perhaps
"the new yorker" will.
299
00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:19,010
I give up.
300
00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:22,614
There's no way
bevy's gonna
believe this crap.
301
00:11:22,616 --> 00:11:23,381
What are you gonna do?
302
00:11:23,383 --> 00:11:27,485
The only thing I can do...
Come clean and end this.
303
00:11:27,487 --> 00:11:29,521
My dad hoped she would take it well,
304
00:11:29,523 --> 00:11:31,256
But she didn't.
(sobbing)
305
00:11:31,258 --> 00:11:33,892
Well, on the bright side,
our garage is clean.
306
00:11:33,894 --> 00:11:35,260
(wailing)
307
00:11:35,262 --> 00:11:37,562
(sighs heavily)
okay, you win.
308
00:11:37,564 --> 00:11:41,099
I will never make you
throw anything away again.
309
00:11:41,101 --> 00:11:42,300
Promise?
Yes!
310
00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:45,303
You can hoard whatever crap
you want from now on.
311
00:11:45,305 --> 00:11:48,173
You won't hear so much
as a grumble from me.
312
00:11:48,175 --> 00:11:49,274
Well, that's a start.
313
00:11:49,276 --> 00:11:51,042
(inhales deeply)
now if you'll excuse me,
314
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:55,680
I need to, uh,
be alone to mourn
the piece of my heart
315
00:11:55,682 --> 00:11:57,749
That died today.
316
00:11:59,852 --> 00:12:04,022
My dad came clean, but my mom was playing dirty.
317
00:12:04,024 --> 00:12:05,323
To teach my dad a lesson,
318
00:12:05,325 --> 00:12:08,526
She had paid the haulers to stash our art here.
319
00:12:08,528 --> 00:12:09,961
Okay, so for
the monthly
storage cost,
320
00:12:09,963 --> 00:12:12,797
I'm gonna need
a credit card.
Mmm, no, no, gabe.
321
00:12:12,799 --> 00:12:14,566
This will be
a strictly cash
transaction.
322
00:12:14,568 --> 00:12:16,735
No paper trail that way.
(chuckles)
323
00:12:16,737 --> 00:12:19,804
Um, that's kind of
weird, but okay.
324
00:12:19,806 --> 00:12:25,043
See, I had all these pieces
of my kids in these boxes,
325
00:12:25,045 --> 00:12:27,612
And someone tried
to take them away from me.
326
00:12:27,614 --> 00:12:30,115
We can't have that,
can we, gabe?
327
00:12:30,117 --> 00:12:33,518
(laughing)
(laughing nervously)
328
00:12:33,919 --> 00:12:37,689
That day, my mom's guilt trip worked a little too well.
329
00:12:37,691 --> 00:12:40,125
My dad actually went down to the local dump
330
00:12:40,127 --> 00:12:43,128
And searched for our art with a can-do attitude.
331
00:12:43,130 --> 00:12:44,863
(bleep)
332
00:12:47,566 --> 00:12:51,436
¶ whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh
333
00:12:52,705 --> 00:12:55,340
¶ oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ¶
334
00:12:55,342 --> 00:12:57,008
Man, look at our moves!
335
00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:57,876
Our lines are so crisp.
336
00:12:57,878 --> 00:13:01,412
¶ listen up, everybody, if you wanna take a chance ¶
in your face, erica!
337
00:13:01,414 --> 00:13:03,915
Wait, I'm confused.
338
00:13:03,917 --> 00:13:06,951
How exactly is this
a joke on erica?
339
00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:08,019
Um, earth to chad kremp.
340
00:13:08,021 --> 00:13:11,523
It's called a parody,
like weird al.
Look him up.
341
00:13:11,525 --> 00:13:14,759
But weird al changes
the song into a joke.
342
00:13:14,761 --> 00:13:16,628
This is clearly
a labor of love
343
00:13:16,630 --> 00:13:18,696
Executed by
two super fans.
344
00:13:18,698 --> 00:13:20,598
¶ hangin' tough ¶
345
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:22,333
(door creaks)
346
00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:26,104
So, apparently,
that whole revenge plot
on erica?
347
00:13:26,106 --> 00:13:27,772
It took a strange turn.
348
00:13:27,774 --> 00:13:28,473
It seems like it, yes.
349
00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:31,876
You need to destroy
that tape!
For sure.
350
00:13:31,878 --> 00:13:33,111
But I didn't.
351
00:13:33,113 --> 00:13:34,679
That was some of my best work.
352
00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:35,814
So I hid it under my bed...
353
00:13:35,816 --> 00:13:38,349
A decision I would quickly regret.
354
00:13:38,351 --> 00:13:42,020
¶ listen up, everybody, if you wanna take a chance
355
00:13:42,022 --> 00:13:43,254
(laughing)
356
00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:47,058
¶ just get on the floor and do the new kids dance
357
00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:50,461
(laughing)
¶ don't worry 'bout nothin' ¶
358
00:13:50,463 --> 00:13:51,529
Hey, come on in.
359
00:13:51,531 --> 00:13:54,165
We're just having a little
video premiere party.
360
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:56,267
No!
¶ hangin' tough ¶
361
00:13:56,269 --> 00:13:58,269
Adam, I thought
you destroyed the tape.
362
00:13:58,271 --> 00:14:01,406
I couldn't do it!
Our lines were so crisp.
363
00:14:01,408 --> 00:14:03,741
Dude, this is way worse
than erica's tape
364
00:14:03,743 --> 00:14:05,877
'cause at least
she was, like, young...
365
00:14:05,879 --> 00:14:06,811
And a girl.
366
00:14:06,813 --> 00:14:08,980
I'm sorry, adam,
I didn't wanna watch,
367
00:14:08,982 --> 00:14:10,682
But then
I just couldn't
look away.
368
00:14:10,684 --> 00:14:12,784
We've watched
this video four times.
369
00:14:12,786 --> 00:14:13,785
Boy: We're watching it again!
370
00:14:13,787 --> 00:14:15,620
All: Yes!
¶ we're rough! ¶
371
00:14:15,622 --> 00:14:17,822
¶ oh, oh, oh... ¶
372
00:14:17,824 --> 00:14:19,991
(turns off tv)
guys, come on.
373
00:14:19,993 --> 00:14:22,427
You showed that video
to all my friends
374
00:14:22,429 --> 00:14:24,996
And the girl of my dreams?
And my girlfriend!
375
00:14:24,998 --> 00:14:26,164
I can only take
so many hits like that
376
00:14:26,166 --> 00:14:28,867
Before she comes
to her senses
and dumps me.
377
00:14:28,869 --> 00:14:30,034
I mean, you handed
me the ammo.
378
00:14:30,036 --> 00:14:31,236
What did you
expect me to do?
379
00:14:31,238 --> 00:14:33,671
Oh, please!
You've always had the ammo.
380
00:14:33,673 --> 00:14:36,174
'cause we're
the easiest targets
on the planet!
381
00:14:36,176 --> 00:14:38,343
Making fun of adam
for his lazy eye
382
00:14:38,345 --> 00:14:40,879
And his inability
to hit a baseball,
383
00:14:40,881 --> 00:14:41,946
And his stupid haircut.
384
00:14:41,948 --> 00:14:43,715
His bad breath...
Okay, okay, okay.
385
00:14:43,717 --> 00:14:44,549
And then there's me!
386
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:47,785
Always gunning
for one of my many
awesome qualities
387
00:14:47,787 --> 00:14:48,753
That you feel
threatened by.
388
00:14:48,755 --> 00:14:51,256
Just once
we had the
upper hand.
389
00:14:51,258 --> 00:14:53,024
Oh, I see,
so you can
dish it out,
390
00:14:53,026 --> 00:14:54,225
But you can't take it.
391
00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:55,827
We always take it!
392
00:14:55,829 --> 00:14:58,830
You're our big sister.
You're supposed
to protect us,
393
00:14:58,832 --> 00:15:02,066
But you always just
make things worse.
394
00:15:04,103 --> 00:15:06,304
While my sister was feeling like garbage,
395
00:15:06,306 --> 00:15:08,473
My dad was still knee-deep in it.
396
00:15:08,475 --> 00:15:09,207
You gotta be kidding me.
397
00:15:09,209 --> 00:15:14,245
As fate would have it, he stumbled upon a box of children's art.
398
00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:17,548
Oh! (laughs) yeah!
399
00:15:17,550 --> 00:15:20,184
Unfortunately, my dad had no freaking clue
400
00:15:20,186 --> 00:15:21,019
It wasn't ours.
401
00:15:21,021 --> 00:15:22,687
Whoa, now.
What's happening?
402
00:15:22,689 --> 00:15:26,324
You would not
believe my luck, al.
403
00:15:26,326 --> 00:15:27,392
I went down to the dump,
404
00:15:27,394 --> 00:15:29,794
And I actually found
one of the boxes.
405
00:15:29,796 --> 00:15:30,662
And I had 'em framed.
406
00:15:30,664 --> 00:15:33,431
I really hope that
wasn't expensive.
407
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:35,566
(lowered voice)
incredibly expensive.
408
00:15:35,568 --> 00:15:37,402
(normal voice)
you know, at first,
I was doing this
409
00:15:37,404 --> 00:15:39,470
So bev wouldn't hold it
over me forever,
410
00:15:39,472 --> 00:15:41,105
But as I look
at my children's art,
411
00:15:41,107 --> 00:15:43,708
I realize I was wrong
to throw it away.
412
00:15:43,710 --> 00:15:46,044
Out of curiosity,
who would this be?
413
00:15:46,046 --> 00:15:49,714
Well, that's, uh, me,
uh, and mr. Chair.
414
00:15:49,716 --> 00:15:51,983
And since when does
mr. Chair have wheels?
415
00:15:51,985 --> 00:15:54,118
And since
when is your
name "abuela"?
416
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:55,353
What do you
think that means?
417
00:15:55,355 --> 00:15:59,090
It means this is someone's
hispanic wheelchair grandma,
418
00:15:59,092 --> 00:16:03,261
And you've spent a fortune
framing a stranger's art.
419
00:16:03,263 --> 00:16:04,062
Huh.
420
00:16:04,064 --> 00:16:06,764
Also, this call came in.
(beep)
421
00:16:06,766 --> 00:16:08,399
Man: Hey, jenkintown storage.
422
00:16:08,401 --> 00:16:12,003
That larger unit opened up for your boxes and your trunk.
423
00:16:12,005 --> 00:16:14,205
Give us a call.
(beep)
424
00:16:14,207 --> 00:16:15,039
(dial tone beeping)
huh.
425
00:16:15,041 --> 00:16:17,041
You know what
I think happened?
426
00:16:17,043 --> 00:16:20,979
I think bevy lied
and made
a fool out of you.
427
00:16:20,981 --> 00:16:22,547
Huh.
428
00:16:24,216 --> 00:16:25,049
Huh.
429
00:16:25,051 --> 00:16:28,386
Adult adam: It had been two days since erica outed us as blockheads
430
00:16:28,388 --> 00:16:30,321
And we still weren't talking to her.
431
00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:32,724
Hey, guys.
Got a couple cold ones.
432
00:16:32,726 --> 00:16:36,227
I decline your hollow peace
offering of an ecto cooler.
433
00:16:36,229 --> 00:16:37,996
And I will take it,
but it changes nothing.
434
00:16:37,998 --> 00:16:41,032
Come on, guys.
You can't give me
the silent treatment forever.
435
00:16:41,034 --> 00:16:43,368
Oh, we can,
and we will.
436
00:16:43,370 --> 00:16:45,570
Too much finger.
Put it down.
437
00:16:45,572 --> 00:16:46,137
Enough, okay?
438
00:16:46,139 --> 00:16:48,306
Brothers and sisters
torture each other.
439
00:16:48,308 --> 00:16:48,973
That's how it works.
440
00:16:48,975 --> 00:16:51,376
If you're so upset
about it, then
just do it back.
441
00:16:51,378 --> 00:16:53,978
We'd like to,
believe me,
but here's the thing...
442
00:16:53,980 --> 00:16:56,848
That new kids ammo
is all we ever
had on you.
443
00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:58,916
Please stop acting
like I'm so perfect.
444
00:16:58,918 --> 00:16:59,851
You saw my video.
445
00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:03,054
I had braces
and glasses
and frizzy hair.
446
00:17:03,056 --> 00:17:04,389
(lisping) look at this!
447
00:17:04,391 --> 00:17:06,057
This is what
braces look like,
448
00:17:06,059 --> 00:17:08,459
Not your cute little
metal ones.
449
00:17:08,461 --> 00:17:11,496
Mine has a chin strap.
A chin strap!
450
00:17:11,498 --> 00:17:14,465
Okay! You're pathetic
fish in a barrel.
451
00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:15,333
What do you want from me?
452
00:17:15,335 --> 00:17:17,468
To stop humiliating
and belittling us.
453
00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:21,105
We're just asking
for basic human decency.
454
00:17:21,107 --> 00:17:22,340
What all men want!
455
00:17:22,342 --> 00:17:25,443
(inhales deeply)
ooh, god. I can't do it.
456
00:17:25,445 --> 00:17:28,012
I'd like to say yes,
but it's impossible.
457
00:17:28,014 --> 00:17:30,815
Right,
'cause you
have the power.
458
00:17:30,817 --> 00:17:32,917
You always have the power.
459
00:17:32,919 --> 00:17:34,819
I hope it feels good.
460
00:17:36,922 --> 00:17:39,123
While erica was striking out with us,
461
00:17:39,125 --> 00:17:42,493
My dad hoped to strike back against my mom.
462
00:17:42,495 --> 00:17:45,296
Oh, wow.
463
00:17:45,531 --> 00:17:47,632
Uh, what's going on here?
464
00:17:47,634 --> 00:17:48,266
Good news, honey.
465
00:17:48,268 --> 00:17:51,803
I just spent six hours
wading through
toxic garbage,
466
00:17:51,805 --> 00:17:54,138
And look,
I found our kids' art!
467
00:17:54,140 --> 00:17:55,873
Great! (chuckles)
468
00:17:55,875 --> 00:17:56,407
You were right.
469
00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:58,976
From now on,
we're keeping
every piece of art
470
00:17:58,978 --> 00:18:03,714
'cause each one
is a masterpiece of love.
471
00:18:04,283 --> 00:18:06,384
You know about
the storage unit.
472
00:18:06,386 --> 00:18:07,819
Of course I know!
473
00:18:07,821 --> 00:18:09,487
You made me go
to the dump!
474
00:18:09,489 --> 00:18:11,255
Well, what was
I supposed to do?
475
00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:13,191
You were gonna
throw it all away.
476
00:18:13,193 --> 00:18:15,093
Secret storage
was my only option.
477
00:18:15,095 --> 00:18:17,929
I just want one room
with my special things.
478
00:18:17,931 --> 00:18:21,165
And now I guess you're gonna
take that away, too, huh?
479
00:18:21,167 --> 00:18:21,899
And that's when my dad
480
00:18:21,901 --> 00:18:24,435
Decided to stop torturing my mom.
481
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:26,537
Actually, I already did.
482
00:18:26,539 --> 00:18:30,942
Turns out, my dad was sentimental after all.
483
00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:32,677
You schlepped it all back?
484
00:18:32,679 --> 00:18:33,511
For me?
485
00:18:33,513 --> 00:18:36,681
Just do me a favor
and try to...
486
00:18:36,982 --> 00:18:39,517
Thin it out a little bit.
487
00:18:39,651 --> 00:18:42,820
But won't you miss
your garage?
Yeah...
488
00:18:42,822 --> 00:18:45,356
But you never know,
one of our morons
can turn out
489
00:18:45,358 --> 00:18:47,458
To be the next einstein.
490
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:49,727
¶ the right stuff ¶
491
00:18:52,764 --> 00:18:53,898
Hey, need a ride?
492
00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:57,768
Uh, no.
We're gonna walk,
thanks.
493
00:18:57,770 --> 00:18:59,237
Wait, come on, just...
494
00:18:59,239 --> 00:19:02,206
Come back!
Wow, nice new kids shirt.
495
00:19:02,208 --> 00:19:03,174
You got us good.
496
00:19:03,176 --> 00:19:05,176
I'm not wearing it
to bust on you.
497
00:19:05,178 --> 00:19:06,511
It's an olive branch.
498
00:19:06,513 --> 00:19:09,947
¶ I could see it in your walk, tell it when you talk ¶
499
00:19:09,949 --> 00:19:11,949
New kids third row center?
500
00:19:11,951 --> 00:19:13,117
Look, I thought
we could go.
501
00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:16,521
Sure, I'm too old
to like them,
and you're...Dudes,
502
00:19:16,523 --> 00:19:19,724
But everyone has that band
that they listen to in secret.
503
00:19:19,726 --> 00:19:22,994
So why can't we just go
have fun at the concert
and own it?
504
00:19:22,996 --> 00:19:25,096
But... What if someone
sees us there?
505
00:19:25,098 --> 00:19:27,198
I'm your big sister.
I'll protect you.
506
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:30,501
That was the beginning of our sister having our back...
507
00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:32,670
When she felt like it.
508
00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:35,273
It was also the beginning of my mom letting go...
509
00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:38,910
You know, I thought maybe
we should hang this one up.
510
00:19:38,912 --> 00:19:41,546
And my dad learning the value of holding on.
511
00:19:41,548 --> 00:19:44,115
¶ and all that I wanted was you ¶
512
00:19:44,117 --> 00:19:46,317
Turns out, being called "babby"
513
00:19:46,319 --> 00:19:47,185
Did make him feel something.
514
00:19:47,187 --> 00:19:50,688
And as we danced in a sea of 12-year-old girls,
515
00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:53,858
We realized that some things from your past
516
00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:55,459
Are worth hanging on to.
517
00:19:55,461 --> 00:19:56,961
Donnie!
518
00:19:56,963 --> 00:19:58,896
You're the best!
519
00:19:58,898 --> 00:20:01,332
Yeah! He pointed at me!
520
00:20:01,334 --> 00:20:03,301
Sure, you might think you've outgrown them,
521
00:20:03,303 --> 00:20:06,070
But deep down, they always stay in your heart.
522
00:20:06,072 --> 00:20:08,472
That's why it's nice to hold on to your memories,
523
00:20:08,474 --> 00:20:11,509
Even if they're tucked in the back of your closet,
524
00:20:11,511 --> 00:20:13,511
To remind you of where you came from
525
00:20:13,513 --> 00:20:15,746
And the people who knew you when.
526
00:20:15,748 --> 00:20:17,648
¶ the right stuff ¶
(switch clicks)
527
00:20:17,650 --> 00:20:21,552
¶ whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh
528
00:20:22,854 --> 00:20:26,490
¶ oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
529
00:20:28,093 --> 00:20:31,762
¶ oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
530
00:20:33,298 --> 00:20:37,235
¶ oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
531
00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:41,472
¶ listen up, everybody, if you wanna take a chance
532
00:20:42,741 --> 00:20:46,744
¶ just get on the floor and do the new kids dance ¶
533
00:20:51,683 --> 00:20:52,617
All right,
and we're rolling.
534
00:20:52,619 --> 00:20:55,386
World's most badass
"hangin' tough"
music video
535
00:20:55,388 --> 00:20:56,787
Ever made, take one.
536
00:20:56,789 --> 00:21:00,691
¶ whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh
537
00:21:01,994 --> 00:21:05,630
¶ oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
538
00:21:06,865 --> 00:21:08,299
¶ get loose, everybody
539
00:21:08,301 --> 00:21:10,868
¶ 'cause we're gonna do our thing
540
00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:15,773
¶ 'cause you know it ain't over till the fat lady sings ¶
541
00:21:17,142 --> 00:21:19,777
¶ hangin' tough
542
00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:22,346
¶ hangin' tough
543
00:21:22,447 --> 00:21:24,982
¶ hangin' tough
544
00:21:25,083 --> 00:21:28,586
¶ we're rough ¶ ¶ rough, rough, rough ¶
49667
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