All language subtitles for The.Goldbergs.2013.S02E07.A.Goldberg.Thanksgiving.1080p.WEB-DL.DD5.1.h.264-NTb_track3_[eng]

Adult adam:
For every family,

Thanksgiving is a day
filled with tradition.

But for the goldbergs,

That tradition came
with an extra helping
of crazy.

Every year, my mom would
cheese and marshmallow

Everything in sight.

Every year, my brother
would gorge himself
on half a turkey

And pass out in a food coma.

Every year, I'd bond with
my dad over a game of football

And astound him with
my total lack of knowledge.

It's like
the throwing one knows

Exactly where
the running one is going.

Adult adam: Every year,
pops would give a tipsy toast

About an old girlfriend.

And, sure,
I wake up every morning,

And I wonder,
"what if I stayed
with her in singapore

"and learned
her exotic customs?"

Point is
we all make our choices.

To family.

All: To family.

Adult adam: Every year,
my eccentric uncle marvin
would visit...

Delorean!

...Get in a huge fight
with my dad...

Come on! I'm not staying
where I'm not wanted!

...And storm out
with one of our pies.

Good day to you, sir!

Good day to you!

And every year,
my mom would force erica

To spend days prepping
and cooking with her.

This sacred recipe box
was your nana's most
prized possession,

And we will continue
the tradition

By firing up the stove
by 5:00 a.M. Sharp tomorrow.

And if all goes smoothly,
by 9:00 a.M.,

We'll be elbow deep
in a 20-pound butterball.

Or we nuke
some hungry-man dinners

And call it a day.

Wow. I didn't know
you were in the business

Of destroying all your nana's
favorite things.

You know, while you're at it,
why don't you just smash

Her precious
figurine collection,

Smash everything she loved,

Take this poker,

And smash my face in?
Because nana loved this, too.

My god, I'll just cook
the stupid meal.

Yay! (laughing)

Oh, we're gonna have
so much fun.

Adult adam: And it wasn't
a goldberg thanksgiving

Unless my mom tripled up
her workouts

So she could justify gorging
herself for 24 hours straight.

(singsong voice) who's ready
for some jazzercise?

People with no shame?

Hey.

Come on, lazy buns.
Let's earn that stuffing.

(up tempo music plays)

¶ come on, come on

¶ and work that boogie body ¶

And whoo!
Whoo! Whoo!

Join in!

Oh, I'd like to,
but I'm lying.

Well, make fun
all you want,

But you wouldn't last
a minute in my class.

I get the feeling
I'd manage.

Put your money
where your mouth is.

Come to class with me.

When you collapse halfway
through from exhaustion,

I win.

And then, we jazzercise
three days a week
for a month.

So, somehow,
this has become a ploy

To get me to hang
with you.

It is moving
in that direction, yes.

Well, when I prove you wrong
and do finish,

I don't have to help
you make thanksgiving
dinner this year.

Deal.
You ready for this?

Look at me.
I'm jazzercising.

I'm a sad mom
with no shame.

No, don't join in.
I'm mocking you.

¶ I'm twisted up inside

¶ but nonetheless
I feel the need to say

¶ I don't know the future

¶ but the past keeps getting
clearer every day ¶

Adult adam:
It was November 22,
1980-something,

And I was spending the day
with my friend, video games.

We had
quite a history together.

First, there was atari.

(video game beeping)
look at those graphics.

I'll never get bored
of this, ever.

Then, there was
in television.

It's like I'm skiing
in real life.

(blows)
and then came the
greatest console of them all,

Nintendo.

Yes! First place!

What is this?
What am I looking at?

It's track & field.
I just won a gold medal.

A video game
with people running
and jumping.

Why don't you go outside
and run and jump
like a regular kid?

(groans) you never like
the stuff I like.

Why don't you play
with the boy?

No can do.
Gives me finger cramps.

And I need these hands
to massage the ladies' feet.

It's his closer.

All right,
this conversation's been

Bad from top to bottom.

Adult adam:
My dad may not have
understood me,

But thanksgiving meant
the arrival of someone
who did.

Did someone call
the butcher?

'cause the beefcake
has arrived.

Okay.
"mur-man,"
bring it in here.

Bro, ooh,
I love-a this face.
Ohh.

I love it.
Stop!

Sorry.

(sighs)
what's with the outfit?

It's actually the
crockett'n tubbs collection.

The ladies love it.
It's the white linen, man.

You want to feel it?

No.
Come on. Feel it.

No.
Just feel it!

Uncle, marv!
(laughing) hey!

What's up?
Hey, buddy.

Uncle, marv!
Look at this kid!
(laughs)

Looking good, dude.

I'm feeling good, dude.
I lost half a pound.

And then they bumped me up
to assistant manager

Down at the beeper bayou
in trenton.

You sell beepers now?
No way.

Oh, yeah. Growth industry.
Wave of the future.

I'm gonna ride that wave
right into retirement.

Free samples? Bing!

We get free beepers?
Yes!

So impractical
for a child.

No. You can't
give them beepers.

They look
like drug dealers.

No, they look like doctors.

(chuckling) come on.

I'm gonna go page myself
for no reason.

That's the spirit.
Look at this kid.

Okay.
Let's get you set up.

Where's your garbage bag
full of laundry
for my wife to do?

No, no, no.
I'm fine for this visit.

I'm staying in a hotel
down in abington.

Hotel?

With an "h,"
not an "m?"

Yeah. It's got
all the perks, man.

Uncle marv,
you want to go play
double dragon with me?

Nintendo power magazine
said it wasn't coming
out till January.

You read np monthly?
What, are you kidding me?

That's how I get
all my news, kid.

Let's go.
Get the hell in there!

Adult adam: While my dad
was trying to keep his cool
with his brother,

My mom was about to turn up
the heat in jazzercise class.

Dear lord, it's like
a twilight zone world

Where everyone is you.

Just zip it and go put on
your workout gear.

This is
my workout gear.

(laughs)

That's what you're gonna
wear to get in the groove?

Are you insane?

Some might say
what you're wearing
is insane.

For your information,
spandex wicks away sweat

While enhancing muscle tone
and skeletal girth.

Watch and learn.

You ladies ready
to sweat?

All: Yeah.

Reynaldo's
an ex-marine.

I told him
not to go easy on us.

Okay,
you didn't tell me...

Sorry.
A bet's a bet.

That's a deal
that can't be broken.

Adult adam: My sister
was starting to realize

That she might have
gotten in over her head.

(upbeat music plays)
for the next hour, my mom

Lunged, squatted, and grooved

With everything she had.

And erica...

Eh, she was fine.

And cool down.

Whew!
(laughs)

I almost
broke a sweat there.

(panting) but you...

Erica: I won.

Now I don't have to
spend time cooking
with you all day.

It's a thanksgiving
miracle.

But it's tradition.

Mmm, sorry.
Bet's a bet.

That's a deal
that can't be broken.

Adult adam: As my mom's
thanksgiving was
falling apart,

I was having a blast
with my uncle.

Marvin: You're like
rain man with this.

You're unbeatable.
Like, what is
your secret?

I have
a small social circle.

Adult adam: After three
awesome hours of video games,

We needed a break.

So we went to see a movie
about video games,

The wizard,
a classic '80s drama

About a boy
who wins a fortune

In the world's biggest
video-game competition.

I love the power glove.

It's so bad.

You know it's based
on a true story?

I'm pretty sure everything
in this movie is fake.

Look, I'm the adult, okay?
So I'm always right.

Just eat your popcorn.
It makes your brain grow.

That movie was
so awesome!

Oh, man.

And you're such
a better player than
that mute kid.

Oh, man,
if I were you,

I would consider dropping
out of school altogether

And just playing
video games full time.

No. Nobody's
quitting school.

I'm just trying to
encourage your son.

To drop out.

It's a figure of speech,
mur.

It's like,
"hey, it's raining
cats and dogs,"

Or, "you can't drink
in the park here."

Can't you just not be you
for once?

(groans) fine.

How about I don't
encourage him to be
better at anything?

(sighs)
that's all I'm asking.
(sighs)

Well, buddy,
you're gonna have to

Listen to your old man
on this one.

But not I.
I bought you something.

Consider it an early
birthday present, okay?

Or a late one, depending on
when your birthday is.

(vocalizes angelically)

No way.

Adult adam: Yes way.
(choir vocalizes)

It was the
nintendo power glove.

It was magical,
and it was mine.

I can't take this.
It's too much.

With my guidance,

You are going to become
the greatest player

That the nintendo universe
has ever seen.

With my help,
there will be no
mario pipe unsearched,

No space un-invaded,
no donkey un-konged!

You maniac.
(laughs)

What's he up to, al?

Laughing, having fun,
supporting adam...

It doesn't make
any sense.

Uh, I think
he's just laughing

And having fun
and supporting adam.

That's crazy.
Nobody does that.

Do you think maybe you're
a little tiny bit jealous

Of the connection your
brother has with your son?

Me?
Jealous of marvin?

The man who claims
to have invented
the rectangle.

(scoffs)

Adult adam:
But for the first time ever,

Uncle marvin had something
my dad didn't have... Me.

(both laughing)

It was thanksgiving morning,
and my dad decided

To connect with me for
the best reason possible.

To stop his brother
from doing it.

Hey, champ.
What you up to?

I'm watching
the parade.

Snoopy balloon's catching
a pretty heavy breeze.

Good stuff.

Hey, how would you like
to play some video games.

You know, like froggerman
or donkey kid.

You want to
play video games?

Oh, yeah!
I love video games.

They're not
a waste of time,

And you learn
valuable lessons,
even though they're dumb.

(electronic music plays)
murray: Not working.

The damn thing's
not working!

You're swinging it.
Stop swinging.

I'm batting?
I thought I was pitching.

What are you doing?
Just move like a normal
human would.

What's wrong with my guy?

Why is he squatting?
It looks like he's sick.

He's just bunting.
Stop bunting!

I can't stop bunting!

Just push the pause button.
Well, which is
the pause button?

Stop mashing the buttons
with your giant
sausage fingers.

Okay!
Now you're aggravating me!

Get this off of me!

It's stuck on my
normal-sized fingers!

No... Be gentle.

No! No!

You broke it!

You broke my favorite thing
in the world!

You ruin everything!

Adult adam: As my father took
a big swing and missed,

My mother was feeling
the effects of her own loss.

Whoa.
I slept for 12 hours.

You know when you get
too much sleep
and then you're tired?

I might
need a nap later.

I slept for two hours,

Had a nightmare
that I'd abandoned you,

And then I woke up
and remembered

That you'd abandoned me.
(chuckles)

So I just came downstairs
to start this entire meal
by myself

Like some sort
of daughterless mother.

So, we're both good
then?

Double or nothing!
Let's go double or nothing.

Give me a chance
to win you back.

Please stop.
If I win,

You have to cook
thanksgiving dinner with me

And learn all my traditions
and never leave my side.

Fine. But if I win,

I get to avoid
this craziness altogether

And go to lainey's
for thanksgiving.

You wouldn't.
I would.

And her family eats
their dinner in front
of the tv.

It's both sad
and awesome.

Deal. But this time,
no jazzercise.

We're gonna power walk.

You mean that
non-running thing you do
every morning?

(chuckles)

Did you know that the
world's fastest power walker

Out-walked a cheetah?

Yeah,
that's not true.

Barry: Ankle weights on!

Okay, power walking has one
and only one rule...

At least one foot must be
in contact with the ground
at all times.

Otherwise,
it would just be running,

Which makes way more sense,

But this is what
you guys want to do,

So it is what it is.

First one
around the block wins.

And...

Walk!

Adult adam: Some say
it was carl lewis

Who ran the most epic race
in the '80s.

But in our family,
it was this.

Stop! Stop power walking
into my body!

The bevernator stops
for no one.

Oops.
Hey.

(chuckles)
slipped up.

You stepped
in dog poop.

(sighs)
nice try.

No, I'm serious.

Really?

Oh!

That was low!

That was low!

Erica: Keep one foot
on the ground!

You keep one foot
on the ground!

You're running.
That's against the rules.

But I'll allow it
'cause I don't care.

Take that!

Yes! Yes! I won!

Beverly: Ow.

Oh, it hurts.

(groaning) ow!

Something happened
in my downstairs.

It's just north
of my vajingo.

Ow!

Murray:
How's your groin?

It hurts.

But not as bad
as my heart.

I lost her, murray.
I lost our little girl.

I get it. The kids would
much rather see
their friends,

Play video games, hang out
with your dumbass brother.

Are we still talking
about me?

I got a thing, too.
I'm allowed.

Well, not today.
Help me over
to that office chair

So I can roll around.

Bevy, you can't cook
thanksgiving
in a roller chair.

I have to try.

Ow! Ow. Ow.
That's it.

We'll order chinese.

Oh, no, you won't!

The stakes are too high.

I need this meal.
(inspirational music plays)

I need to be knocked
motionless by meat
and gravy.

I need to eat until
my pants grow tight

And I move
into elastic sweats.

Will I ever touch that weird,
gloppy cranberry thing?

Probably not.

But I deserve
to find out.

Give me this.

Give me thanksgiving.

I'm sorry, love bug.
I tried, but I can't.

My groin is
out of commission.

Then let me be
your groin.

(smoke alarm blaring)

You're burning
the rolls.

I didn't say 600.
I said 375.

Ohh!
I'm not a scientist!

(blaring stops)
(sighs)
oh, this is hopeless.

You haven't even cleaned
the turkey yet.

I told you, I'm not reaching
my hand in a turkey's butt!
No way!

It's not that big a deal.
Just do it.

(squish)

Oh, no.

Oh, it's all cold
and rubbery!

Aah! I touched something wet!
I touched something wet!

Well, do something.

I'll use the nerd glove.

(grunts)

Don't worry, champ.
I'll get that power glove
fixed for you no problem...

Ooh, boy.
It's in the butt.

Why? Why?

Okay, so, I know
that it's thanksgiving,

And I want to say
what I'm thankful for.

My freedom.
I'm leaving now.

Please, erica.
I need you.

I love barry,
but he ruins everything.

She's right.
I suck.

What's going on?
What did marvin do now?

I'm just here dealing
with the glove in the butt.

Why you got to accuse me
of stuff?

I'll tell you why.

Because you've always
got an angle.

You got some
kind of grift going on.

I get caught grifting
three times,

And he's never gonna
let me forget it already.

Just let him forget it
already.

You brainwashed
the kid, too.

I don't want you two
spending any more time
together.

Oh, well, then you're
really not gonna like us

Traveling around
the country together

Competing in
nintendo championships!

What?
Adam: Like in the wizard.

He wants to take me
town to town

To hustle people
in video games.

It's win-win...
If he wins.

This has been fun, but, uh,
where are my car keys, mom?

How should I know?

Open your hand.
No.

Open your hand.
No.

Mom.
I shouldn't have to
even say this out loud.

No one here is pursuing
a career in video gaming.

You know, I don't
have to take this abuse.
I'm out of here.

No!
I got a perfectly good
red lobster

Right across
from my hotel.

Oh, here we go.

Good day to you, sir.

(door opens and closes)
good day to you, sir!

No, good day to you, sir!

Okay, you're not
going anywhere.
It's thanksgiving!

Murray: Unacceptable!
Yes!

(crashing)
I'm free!

Damn it! I dropped
the orange potatoes!

Erica,
take me with you.

Everybody,
stop leaving me.

It's thanks (bleep) giving!

Have you been faking it
this whole time?

No.

It's a thanksgiving miracle.
(gasps)

No. I'm not going to
lainey's for thanksgiving.

I'm going for the
whole weekend.

I got turkey schmutz
on my hand for you.

Now, this feels
like thanksgiving.

Hey, uh...

I wrangled this
out of the turkey butt.

Toweled it off
for you.

I don't want it.

Come on.

You can't honestly
be angry at me

For not letting you roam
around the country

With your uncle.

He'd lose you
at the first rest stop.

Well, it's your loss,

'cause I could have been
the champion and won it all...

Money, mansions, yachts,
fast cars, fast women.

I think you may be
overestimating the prizes.

Of course I am!

The world of high-stakes
nintendo isn't even real.

Then why the hell
would you go along
with your uncle?

'cause it was nice for
someone to actually
get me for once.

Adult adam: As this landed
with my dad,

My sister was more than ready
to take off.

Going somewhere?
Aah!

Pops, please.

I don't want to hear one of
your adorable, wise lectures

That makes me
a better person.

Fine, I won't mix in.

But did you ever wonder
why this holiday makes
your mother so crazy?

'cause she's crazy?

For sure,
but there's a reason

Why this day means
so much to her.

Because she always made
dinner with nana.
I know all about it.

Well,
what you don't know is

That your mom was 17
when she lost nana.

I didn't realize that.

That box of recipes,
the two of you
cooking together,

It all brings back
your grandmother for her.

Why do you always got to
make me a better person?

(st. Elmo's fire man
in motion playing)

(sighs) come on.
Let's go have thanksgiving.

(dialing)
adult adam: My dad was also
trying to be a better person

By beeping his brother
to get him back...

(beeper beeping)

No matter
how far away he was,

Which turned out
to be very close.

(beeping continues)

(beeping stops)

Hey. Mur-man.

What brings you down
to your basement on
thanksgiving?

Beeping!
What are you doing here?

I thought you were staying
at a hotel.

I have a perfectly good
explanation.

I'm a liar.

But what about
the money,

The beeper bayou
in trenton?

I got fired.
It was totally unfounded.

All I did was sleep
with the boss's wife

For, like,
a bunch of times.

Everything you do
is wrong.

You're right.
I just...

I should just stay
as far away from your kid

As humanly possible.

Well, actually...

That's the one thing
you've been doing right.

And I may have said
some things,

And that
was only because...

I, uh...
I was jealous.

You were jealous?

I was jealous.

Of me?

I mean, yeah.

I'm the guy
who invented the rectangle.

Okay. Are you jealous
of anything else?

(scoffs)
like my cool threads?

No.
What about
my awesome hairdo?

No, I'm good.
What about the fact

That you're gonna
let me borrow $4,000

To invest
in a garbage barge?

(sighs)

Adult adam:
Yeah, my uncle
still annoyed my dad,

But it was thanksgiving.

It was a time for forgiving.

¶ I can make it,
I know I can

All right.
You get the eggs,

And I'll get
the hand mixer.

Shmoopie.
You came home.

I guess I didn't want to
miss out on our tradition.

¶ I can see the new horizon
underneath the blazing sky ¶

Oh, my little turkey.
(chuckles)

I cooked you
in my oven.

Okay, come on.
Don't make me
regret this.

Let's go.
We got a family to feed.

Honey, it's too late.
We'd have to start
from scratch.

Hey.
We are goldbergs.

And we're gonna
kick thanksgiving's ass.

Adult adam: And they did.
That day, they were
in perfect sync.

And it was
all my mom ever wanted.

We did it.
(both laugh)

(chuckling) we kicked
thanksgiving's ass.

(glass clinks)

I know I always drink
too many martinis,

And I give a toast

About some beautiful dame
from my past, but...

This is for my wife,
irene...

The most beautiful dame
who ever lived.

Here, here.

Adult adam: And that's
a goldberg thanksgiving.

To lainey.
We stuck
to all of our traditions...

Pops gave his toast,

My dad argued with marvin
at the table,

And barry ate himself
into a coma.

But this year, there was
one tradition that was new.

Move over.
I want to shoot
some ducks.

But what about
your football match?

(chuckles)
don't even try, all right?

Adult adam: Yep.
My dad and I played
video games together,

And it was glorious.
(dog chortling)

Why is the dog laughing
at me?

Because you're
terrible.

(laughs)
I don't know what I'm doing.

Here, you show me.

You hold it like this.

Tell me my life, okay?
Tell me my life.

I watched you...
As dictated by barry
and beverly goldberg.

Don't ruin my dinner.
Come on, now.

You're ruining
my dinner, okay?

Be my guest.

Goodbye.
Goodbye.

Oh, come on, now, murray.
Yeah!

You're yelling at me.
I don't need this crap.

(door closes)
oh, hey.

Can you give me a hand
in making some posters?

I'm trying to advertise
my new business.

What could you ever
offer the world
that anyone would pay for?

We own a mower.
I got a beeper.

Someone beeps me,
I rush over and tend to

All their
landscaping needs.

That's actually not
a bad idea.

I know, right?

I've been posting signs
all over the neighborhood.

"barry, the grass king.

"for all your grass needs.
Beep me."

Genius, right?

(beeper beeps)
ooh. I got one.

(beeper beeps)
and another.

(beeper beeps)
oh! And another.

Idiot... You're a guy
with a beeper

Who calls himself
"the grass king."
don't you get it?

Yeah.
I'm gonna be rich.

(engine turns over)