All language subtitles for The.Goldbergs.2013.S02E06.Big.Baby.Ball.1080p.WEB-DL.DD5.1.h.264-NTb_track3_[eng]

Adult adam:
Back in the '80s,

This is what
gaming looked like.

Just a fold-out board,
assorted plastic pieces,

And a pop-o-matic bubble.

The competition was fierce,

And there were
no bigger rivals than
my brother and sister.

Board games gave
them an outlet to
channel their anger.

Don't mess up!
(buzzer)

Oh! Paging dr. Sucks
at operation.

Come in,
dr. Sucks at operation.

Adult adam:
Sure, winning felt good.

F-1.

But the real prize was
gloating as you crushed
the loser's fragile spirit.

(quietly) you sank
my battleship.

I can't hear you.

You sank my battleship.

Look at me in the eye
when you say it!

Adult adam: Erica had smarts
and strategy.

Barry had trash talk
and a psychotic desire
to win no matter the game,

Even girl talk.

"the last digit
of your phone number

"indicates how many boys
you will kiss."

Six! Yes!
Girl talk!

Adult adam:
They were worthy adversaries

Until a new board game
changed everything.

Check it out!
It's called
trivial pursuit.

Yes! A new game
to dominate.

Okay.
"sports and leisure.

"what team has won the most
stanley cup championships?"

(scoffs)
montreal canadians.

Swish, baby.
This game is too easy.

"arts and literature.

"whose autobiographical
masterpiece

"was entitled
long day's journey
into night?"

Pass!
Sports again.

Not how it works, dummy.
My turn.

"what sailor's disease
resulted from a deficiency
of vitamin c?"

Mmm, scurvy?

Correct!

Looks like someone's
gonna be tough to beat.

Adult adam:
The game was simple.

You either knew the answer
or you didn't,

And barry didn't.

For the first time ever,
the scales were tipped
firmly to erica.

(exhales sharply)

Oh, this one's super easy.

"who wrote the diary
of anne frank?"

Uh...

Uh...

Seriously? It's called
"the diary of anne frank."

Don't help me!
I know what the answer is!

It's...

It's...

Ahhh! I hate this!

Who's up for girl talk?

¶ I'm twisted up inside

¶ but nonetheless
I feel the need to say

¶ I don't know the future

¶ but the past keeps getting
clearer every day ¶

Adult adam:
It was November 12,
1980 something.

I was in gym class,

And today's lesson to
nurture the young
blossoming athlete,

Scooter ball.

It was a lot like soccer

Except with an 80% better
chance of injury.

Ahhh.

My fingers!

I'm so sorry!
He's hurt!

Scoot it off!

Adult adam:
The overlord of this
insanity was mr. Mellor,

A gung-ho ex-jock filled
with stupid sports cliches.

No pain, no gain!

There is no "I" in team!

Winners never quit!
Quitters never win!

Adult adam:
And some of his sayings
we just found confusing.

It is never okay
to put butter on a doughnut!

Dance like
no one's watching!

Love like
you've never been hurt!

Don't trust your cousin on
a road trip with your wife.

(whistle chirps)
all right!

Think you guys are
ready for the apex
of rubber-ball-based sports.

Dodgeball.

(bell tolls)
adult adam:
For kids like me,

This was our waking
nightmare from which
there was no escape.

Grab a ball!

Same teams.
On my whistle.

This is bad.

I want the star wars theme
played at my funeral.

What are you guys doing?
Posing for a trophy?

Let's go!
Adult adam:
It wasn't pretty,

But as much as dodgeball
hurt me,

It hurt someone else
even more.

Oh!

My schmoopies
are home.

(kisses)
okay.

(kisses) hmm.

(exclaims) oh!

Who did this to
your kissable face?

Mom, please don't.
I'm fine.

Who?
I want names.

It's from dodgeball.
Mr. Mellor lives for it.
It's like his air.

It's like a violation
of human rights.

Here we go.

Bevy, it's not
a rights violation.

It's gym class.

Well, I think
he's an animal.

How much does it
hurt, schmoo?

On a pain scale
from 1 to 10, how much?

Um...
I'd say fi...

Three...

One? One.

It should be zero.

I also would have accepted
the word "nothing."

I'm marching down there
first thing.

Bevy, no.

They don't need
your angry rants
on how to educate.

Mom, please don't
make a thing of this.

You got to let
teachers teach.

I don't want to be
on his bad side.

Don't worry about him.

He doesn't want to be
on my bad side,

'cause it's much badder.

Adult adam:
It really was.

My mom marched down
to school so often
that the teachers

Could almost sense
she was coming.

(door opens)

Whoop!

(door closes)

(keys jingling)

Don't worry, cinoman.
Today's not your day.
I'm here for mellor.

Third door on the left.

Cute top.

You want me
to cancel dodgeball,

One of the seven pillars
of fitness?

What are the other six?

Look, canceling dodgeball
would be like
canceling science.

Is that what you want?
A world with no science?

Why do you hate nasa?
Why?

I don't hate it.
They gave us tang.

What I do hate
is dodgeball.

Dodgeball
is an essential part

Of strengthening
a young man's character,

And nobody needs that
more than your son.

(sternly)
how dare you?

My son has the strength
and character

Of three lou ferrignos!

How dare you invoke
lou ferrigno?

How dare you?

I'm not gonna stand here
and let you push me around!

I'm not scared of you.

Well, you should be.

I'd think twice about this
if I were you.

No. I will not
think at all.

If there's any more dodgeball
in this school,

You will regret it.
Mark my words.

I will mark no words.
Mark them!

Adult adam: While my mom
was putting a stop to
the game she hated,

Barry was ready to give
the game he sucked
at another try.

Oh, hello.
I did not see you
sitting there.

We're not sitting.

What you're doing
is called sitting.

Potato, potato.

Care for a rematch, erica?

And crush your fragile
spirit again?

Gladly.

Um, I don't think I want
to be here for this.

You shall witness
the battle, old man!

I mean...

I cherish
our time together.

Please, sit.

Ooh. Science and nature.
Challenging.

"what animal does
a hippophobe fear?"

Horses.

The answer is horses.

That's right.

Yellow. Ooh.
History.

"how many children
does queen elizabeth..."

Four.

(chuckles) wow.

You sure seem to know a lot
of stuff all of a sudden.

There's no reason
to be patronibing.

Okay, next card.

"what city was called
the paris of the south?"

Maya angelou.

That's the answer
on the card you wanted me
to choose, you knob.

You're clearly cheating.

How dare you?
I am a sportsman!

You insult my honor!
Pops: Hey, bar,

It's kind of
obvious you're cheating.

I am not.
I simply memorized
the answers

And put the cards
in a particular order
so I can win!

That's cheating!
That's preparation!

Preparation
for cheating.

Don't blame me!
This game is impossible
and has no point!

What's the point
of mouse trap?

To boot a marble down
a flight of stairs

Onto a slide
and into a bathtub,
which, in turn,

Another balls falls onto
a see-saw,

Back flipping an old man
into a kiddie pool,

Causing a trap to fall
on a mouse! Duh!

That he knows.

Face it, this is one game
you can't win.

Say I'm better than you.
Say it.

Never! I will do
everything in my power
to learn knowledge.

I will go to school,
and I will read books,

And I will study art,

And I will drink in life

Just so I can beat you
at this board game!

Oh!

He should probably
do all that stuff
regardless.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Due to aggressive
parental interference,

There's been a change
in the phys-ed curriculum.

(indistinct conversations)

What?
Could be any of our moms.

Effective immediately,

There will no longer
be dodgeball in my class.

(sighs)
instead,

We'll play an
all-new safer,
kinder game

Called big baby ball.

We'll choose teams
by counting off
ones and twos.

Goldfarb, begin.

One.
Everybody else is a two.

Let's get the ones
on that side,

Twos on the other.

Mr. Mellor,
is it too late to switch
my number to two?

Well, your mother
demanded that we play
something else,

So you can let
her know that her voice
was heard today.

Good luck
and cover your nards.

Adult adam:
I was in a tight spot,

So I decided my only choice
was to fight my way out.

(whistle blows)

Why?
I don't know!

(grunts)
sorry.

Beverly: I don't understand.
Mellor didn't cower?

Why didn't he cower?

It's on you, bev.

The boy was singled out
because you mixed in.

He's right, mom.
You made it worse.

Why can't you
ever listen?

You want to
protect the boy,

And you always
end up making it
a million times worse.

No, you're
completely right.

I know it in my heart.

Good. It's nice to finally
be on the same page.

Definitely.

What's with the coat?

Are you marching down
to school again?

I want to say no,
but that would be a lie.

But I thought
we're on the same page.

We are, and yet,
here I go.

Just stop!
Just tell your body
to stop!

I want to.
I really want to.
But I can't.

I thought
we're on the same page!

(door closes)

And the next item
of business is scheduling
teacher conferences.

(door opens)

Blonde monster.
(man coughs)

Nothing.

Mrs. Goldberg,
this is a private meeting.

Not anymore.
Got to go, people!

Don't care where.
Just not here.

Don't leave.
She looks really mad.

I'm sorry, earl.

Mr. Mellor is no longer with
william penn academy

Due to a concern
raised by a parent...

Who shall remain nameless.

This one's tough to deny.

Adult adam:
Thanks to my mother,
I got out of dodgeball.

All it took
was ruining a man's life.

Oh. Hello, again.

I did not see you
sitting there.

Again,
you're the one sitting.

Potato, tomato.

Come sit.
I've been thinking.

We've completely lost
track of what board games
are all about...

Family fun.

That's why I invented
a new gaming experience

For the whole family
to enjoy. I call it...

Barry-nopoly.

"do a freestyle rap
as good as big tasty

"or nun chuck better
than barry?"

I've made sure it caters
to all our strengths.

For you, trivia.
Physical challenges
for myself.

And for pops,
frequent bathroom breaks.

I like this game.

You actually created
a board game that
only you can win.

Do you realize
how sad that is?

Does this mean you forfeit
and I'm reigning champion
forever?

No. I'll play.

And I'll literally beat you
at your own game.

Let's do this!
What'll it be, pops?

Rap or an elaborate
nun chuck routine?

I have to go
to the bathroom.

(bell dings)
40 bonus points
for pops!

I really like this game.

Okay, your turn.

Ooh.

"arm wrestle barry."

Easy.

You're so hosed.

Am I, now?

Have you ever heard of
a little sylvester stallone
arm-wrestling drama called,

"over the top?"

No.
Well, you're about to
live it.

Go.

Ha!

Oh, no!
He's losing!

Or is he?
Over the top!

What are you doing?
Going over the top!

What are you doing?
I'm going over the top!

You can't go over the top!
I'm going over the top!

I'm going over your top!
(grunts)

Yes! Yes!
In your face!

This game is rigged!

It's your game,
and I still beat you!

Say it.
I'm better than you
in every way.

Fine!
You're better than me.

You're smart and you're cool
and everyone likes you.

And I'm nothing.

Congrats.

Adult adam:
For the first time ever,

Crushing barry didn't feel
like such a triumph.

Meanwhile, my dad
stumbled upon another man
down on his luck,

Coach mellor.

Oh, god.

You need a curb
painted, hoss?

Suggested donation $5.

Yeah, actually,
I'm adam goldberg's
father.

Oh.
So your wife is...

Yeah,
blonde monster.

Love her dearly.

So, is this what
you're doing for money?

For now.
Turns out there's
not a great demand

For a phys-ed specialist
in the middle
of the school year.

I don't mean to tell you
your business,

But I don't think
that's the right address.

It is not.
I lost my 3.

You know, I know my
wife can get carried
away with things,

And I just want to
let you know, I'm really
sorry about all this.

Don't be.

Your wife plays hard.
I respect a winner.

She's a good woman
who does not know
the word "quit,"

Although she does know
the word "fired."

Can I give you
a ride somewhere?
Maybe a hot meal?

That's very kind of you,
but I only got about
10 more blocks to go,

And I got a fanny pack
full of turkey jerky, so...

I told you,
I don't want the numbers!

It's donation only!
Just pay what's fair!

You know what?
He's getting the hose.
You better open up.

Those are fresh numbers!

Where's the three?

I got to tell you,

He's not the same guy
without the whistle
and the short-shorts.

A guy like that belongs
in a gym yelling at kids.
It's in his blood.

Look, I never intended
for mellor to get fired,

But this is on him.
He singled out my boy.

Okay, he was wrong,
but you took it too far.

Now do the right thing
and put that loose cannon

Back in charge of children.

I go easy on one teacher,
then the rest won't fear me.

Fine. You won't help
the poor bastard, I will.

What's that
supposed to mean?

Mr. G, I really appreciate
this opportunity.

You got my word,
I will give you 110%.

Call me murray.
110%, that is not necessary.

On a good day, the best vic
gives me is what? 50%?

(laughs) there he goes,
busting balls.

It's what we do.

No. What we do
is sell furniture.

Bring it in.
"furniture" on three.

Yeah, okay,
what vic and I do is
we sell the furniture,

And what I need you to do
is to move the coffee table

Over by the sofa set.

Sir, yes, sir!
Time me.

Whoa, whoa.
It's not a race.

Take your time.
One, two, three.
(grunts)

Oh, whoa.

That's oak. That's heavy.
I thought it was pine.

Excuse me, sir.

Excuse me.
Woman:
Is this in stock?

Yes, it is.
And you can have that
in your house today.

I don't know.
It's kind of pricey.

Tell you what.

You pay cash,
I'll take off 5%.

I'll just come back
another time.

There is no other time.

Clock's winding down.
Ball's in your hands.

You gonna put
the ball in the hole,

Or you gonna
go home a loser?

I don't really understand
what's happening right now.

He's new.
We're team players
in this store.

We don't sell to anybody
who doesn't pass the ball.

You keep
referencing a ball.
Is it the same ball?

Let me make it simple.

There's no "I" in team,
man.

We only sell to winners,
so get the (bleep) out!

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
Ho, ho.

I am sorry!

What? (panting)

Okay. We need to talk.

Sure thing, boss.
What are you doing?

Taking a knee.
Just take
an early lunch.

You got it, boss.

Mellor: Juice time.

Mmm.

So many bananas
and beets.

(sniffs) ahh.

Let's go.

(grunts)

Yeah!

Finally got some energy!
Let's go!

So, before, that was him
without energy?

Adult adam: After my dad's
horrible day at work,

He had to face
an even worse night
at home.

Hey, could I, uh,
have some ranch dressing
for my salad?

Oh, of course, honey.

When.

That's what you get
for hiring the enemy
to work in our store.

Don't worry
about mellor.

You're not gonna
see him. He's working
all the way across town.

Hey, boss!

Sorry to interrupt!
It's me, rick mellor!
I work for you!

I can see
you're eating dinner.

Oh, is that lamb?

That looks like lamb.

What are you doing?
You're supposed to be
out making deliveries.

Yeah, well,
here's the thing.

I decided to do
all this week's drop-offs
in one day.

I told you, you can't load
that much furniture
on the truck at once.

I thought you said that
because you believed
I couldn't do it!

And I proved you wrong.
(chuckles)

But I broke the truck.

Fine. Where is it?

It's a couple blocks down.
Address is 466.

Although the actual address
is 366.

Haven't been my best
this week.

Balls!
He's come for me!
He's seeking vengeance!

No vengeance. No.

I just came to apologize
to your old man for
breaking his truck.

But while
I got you here,

I guess I owe you both
an apology myself.

Mrs. G,
you're a strong woman,

And I respect the hell
out of you.

Do you? Do you?

Thanks.

And, adam,

I was dead wrong
to single you out.

The truth is,
I'm only hard on you

'cause I'm rooting
for you.

Really?
You know,
as you get older,

You'll realize that
life ain't easy

And things fly at you
that are a lot harder

Than a stupid
red rubber ball.

And I just want you
to learn that you're
strong enough to face it

And there's nothing
you can't overcome.

Adult adam:
In that moment,

I realized my biggest foe
was really my
biggest advocate.

Well, enjoy your dinner.

Wait. Are you hungry?
I could fix you a plate.

A plate? Ha.

Hell, just point me
to the blender.

Oh, hello.
I did not see you
sitting there.

I agree.

So, I was thinking,

How about one more game
of trivial pursuit,
winner takes all?

So you can take all?
No, thanks.

Okay, how about this?

If you can beat me,

Then trivial pursuit
is banned forever
from this house.

Sounds awesome.

The only problem is,
I can't win.

"who had an encounter
with the three bears?"

Goldilocks.

That's right.
Game on!

Adult adam:
As fate would have it,
that game,

Barry knew every question
my sister threw at him.

It was as if he was suddenly

The smartest man
on the planet.

Or erica was picking cards
from the little kid's edition,

Suggested ages
eight through 12.

Cookie monster! Pigeons!

The number four. Trees.

Purple. Turtles.

That's the one.

Barry: Clouds. Beanstalk.
Unicorn. Butterflies.

Santa.
Can I get a full name
on that?

Santa claus.

Okay.
This one's for the win.

"what has the
scientific formula h2o?"

Water! It's water!

I'm the smartest man alive!
Say I'm better than you.

You're better than me.

Yes! (exhaling sharply)

Ugh. (grunts)

Pops: Oh!

I'm all right!
Yes!

Way to go, kiddo.

Yeah, well,
he needed the win.

Adult adam:
Sometimes the best way

To get the win is to lose,

And other times,
you just have to
admit defeat.

Well, I would consider
bringing mr. Mellor back

On one condition.

You don't step foot
in this school ever again.

One year.
Deal.

Adult adam: My mom wasn't
many things,

But she was a woman
of her word.

That year,
she never went back

To school to complain.

Yoo-hoo!

Sorry to interrupt,
earl.

But technically
this isn't school

And I do have bones to pick.

Oh, is that brisket?

Adult adam: Although winning
never came easy to me,

Mr. Mellor actually did
end up teaching me

How to duck anything
life might throw at me.

¶ victory is mine

¶ shooting at the walls
of heartache

¶ the warrior ¶
(grunts)

(bell dings)

(bell dings)

Okay.
You rolled a two.
Uh-huh.

Now cruise down
the big tasty river
and draw a barry card.

Oh. Your face
is on these.

I love this game.
(chuckles)

"roundhouse kick
better than barry."

Better than my
kara-te master?
It can't be done.

Right answer!

Ooh!
50 points!

(laughs)

Challenge card.

"arm wrestle barry."

Oh, we get to hold hands.

Oh, you're even turning
your hat backwards.

How macho.

Go!

(grunting)

Over the top!
Ow!

That's how you do it!
Oh! Oh!

Let's go! Let's go!

Whoo!
You're so strong,
honey.

(robotic voice)
I know I am so strong.

Let's go, barry!

Oh, I'm so proud
of you, honey,

The way you beat mommy
like that.

I'm the best!

Let him win, huh?

He needs it.