Original subtitles

Free time.

Sorry

I'm

late. So glad you could make it, Miss Maddox.

Sorry about last time, too. My mother was rushed to the hospital. We didn't

that these two medicines were contraindicated. Could we hear your

major, please, Amanda?

I did put him on the books, Brian.

Check the top drawer.

It's where the W -2 form is.

I can't do this without you. I'm a mess here.

When are you coming back?

Look, I'll be back before you know it.

I found it.

I guess I don't need you after all.

Oh, yes, you do.

Sure. You take care of yourself, okay?

You too.

Got a donor on life support. The family just signed off on the organs.

Normal echocardiogram, good left ventricular function, normal heart, type

positive. Hang on.

Did we get the Lear to fly the Harvest team?

Great. Okay, look, the jet's on the way. How fast can you be back here?

Perfect. We'll have her ready.

All right. In my next life, I'm an air traffic controller.

That's stress.

Okay, let's get Jill Maddox in here now.

I can't believe this. This woman's been waiting two and a half years for a

heart. She doesn't have her beeper. She doesn't answer her phone.

Somebody get me a backup number.

Fine. It's my beeper.

I gotta go.

I'm so sorry.

Mom, wake up.

What happened?

It's happening.

Really?

Really.

You left your beeper in the house.

I did.

All right. We got to get going.

Pills? I got them. I got them.

I didn't shake my legs.

We're going to a hospital, Mom.

Hospital.

I'm going to call a hospital.

Call a hospital.

Someone speed dial 13.

Yeah, lucky 13. Go.

Go.

Hi, this is Amanda Maddox.

Yes, we're on our way.

Pack the dishwasher.

Damn, Mom.

There's no need to swear.

Yeah, we're coming. Okay.

Billy's driving a taxi?

You mean he's got a job? He's taking us to the hospital.

Amanda, no way. He's beat.

That's the whole point, Mom.

Billy,

this is on the meter. I want to pay for this like any other fare. Okay, Mrs.

Maddox. And I want professional driving.

I don't want to die in a car accident on the way to my heart.

Yes, ma 'am.

The last medication she took? The Jackson, 0 .25 milligrams. 5 milligrams

enalapril, 80 milligrams furosemide. 60 milligrams furosemide. The Paradine, 50

milligrams. Mrs. Maddox, is that Mr. Maddox? California.

No, the new Mrs. Maddox. Oh, mine's in Florida. But I got the house. Yeah.

Good girl.

Jill, I'm Teresa Russo, the transplant coordinator. Glad we finally got you

here. Thanks to my daughter.

You're Amanda?

Nice to meet you.

So after surgery, you'll wake up in the ICU.

I'm lucky, right? Oh, honey, you'll do just fine.

You need to know you'll have an endotracheal breathing tube in your

I had the heart of somebody who just died just a couple of hours ago.

Time to go, Jill.

Can't start the party without you. Wait, so soon?

But we haven't even had a chance. Would you two like to spend a moment together?

Okay.

Garrett or... Garrett's scared.

I'm really scared.

These guys are great.

Besides, you've got to get through this.

I got us tickets for the Nutcracker.

December 23rd at the Rose Center.

We're going to be there.

How many times have we gone?

Seven.

Last time was five years ago.

I love you.

I love you too.

Wait, how will I know when you're okay?

I'll blink.

Like in the movies.

This is the worst part.

I know, it's awful.

Want me to think about something else to talk about?

No.

I'm just glad you're here, Ben.

She's my best friend.

You guys are my best friends.

You know the last time I was here?

The day you were born.

You were here?

Your dad was out of town. I drove your mom here.

I was the first one to hold you.

Ryan, hi.

What are you doing here?

Well, we had a party at the club and I just closed up. I wanted to see how

doing.

Amanda?

We're all finished.

She's in recovery and doing fine.

So get some sleep and you can see her in the morning. Thank you.

Thank you.

Oh, timing,

huh? Good luck.

Is something wrong?

It's just an echocardiogram.

Don't worry.

She'll be up and walking in three days.

Angela.

Anti -rejection steroids.

They wreak havoc with muscles. If your mother doesn't exercise, she'll turn to

jello.

We looked at the pathology report on your old heart. The right side was in

failure. We got to you just in time.

Why does this heart feel so different?

It is different, 100%. It was somebody else's.

You see, what we work with basically is a hollowed -out chest cavity, and often

it's a different size to the donor's.

In your case, we had to fit the heart even further back.

I can feel that. We never know these things till we open the chest.

But don't worry.

You're doing great.

Don't go anywhere without those pills.

Ever. No trips to the desert.

No saunas. And most important, be easy on yourself.

But don't just sit around.

Okay?

Transplant support treatments twice a week in the annex if you want to discuss

anything. Here you go.

Not such a bad thing, going home?

In ways I can't even begin to describe.

It just feels so good to be alive.

Colors are brighter.

Everything tastes better. Just remember, you may experience psychological side

effects from the drugs.

So far, so good.

Looks like you have an excellent support system.

We'll see you in a month.

Oh, hang on.

I want to get a picture for our bulletin board.

Take care.

Hey, Amanda.

You never gave us that violin recital. Oh, now you've got to wait for Carnegie

Hall.

Hey, Mrs. Maddox, how you doing?

These are for you.

Oh, Billy, they're beautiful.

You look great.

Okay, it's my turn.

To my best friend, Beth.

And my best friend's best husband, Ben.

And my best and only client.

Thank you for hanging in there, Brian.

No problem.

And to the best daughter that anyone could ever imagine, Amanda.

May you never have to do my laundry again.

What is this I'm drinking?

Sparkling cider, your favorite.

I feel like a beer.

Mom, you don't even like it. And besides, you're probably not allowed.

Well, the doctor said six ounces of alcohol a day. Really? Give me a beer,

it.

One more.

To my daughter, who gave up way too much of her childhood to mother me.

Puts me way past where I ever thought I could go.

Thanks, Mom.

We're so proud of you.

Let me tuck you in.

Never got to do this much in the last few years.

You're always doing it for me.

It's a wishing moment.

What do you wish?

I wish that another person wouldn't have to die so I could live.

A new heart loves you already.

Hi! Hi!

Oh, you're so organized.

Old habits.

Hey, aren't you glad the trick -or -treaters won't be scared of you this

Yeah, I was the ghoul lady.

I was all year round.

What are you making?

A mess?

Do you know where that big blue pasta pot is? The one with the missing bread?

I get lost in my own kitchen.

Mom, let me do this. I can do it super quick.

No, no, no. I want it.

market. Mom, it's okay.

Just relax.

Wow, geez.

Need any help with your homework?

No.

What happened to the navy blue suits and the little bow thingies?

Time to ring in the new.

You think I'm getting a moon phase from all those anti -rejection drugs?

I think moon, not moon.

What if I saw it go with my eyes?

Whoa, congestion.

How about something to cover your butt?

No, what's your own butt?

Why, is it getting fatter?

Oh!

or we have to go into the next tune.

Oh, hi.

Hey. What?

Oh, no. Not me.

You'll laugh.

It's so simple.

I just wish Stan would clean out the garage.

How about you?

That Amanda gets into the conservatory and that she never has to worry about me

again.

That's who.

Gotta make up for lost time.

You know, for so many years, I felt like a failure.

Failed marriage, failure of my heart, which meant failing my daughter.

I've never thought of you as a failure at anything.

Oh, look at that.

Three bucks, right?

And today you have not failed to surprise me.

You used to be the pickiest eater.

I hardly recognize you.

I hardly recognize myself.

Actually, I've been feeling a little weird.

Good weird or bad weird?

Pretty damn weird.

It's like I'm outside of my body, looking in. And I watch myself turn left

I'm certain that I want to go straight.

Yet I'm racing to go.

Who knows where?

It sounds like part of your newly done life.

Do you like it?

Sometimes.

You know, sometimes I find myself upset.

You know, that's no good.

We're all having mood swings, dearie.

It's called female 40 -something, no transplant necessary.

Lucky that cop didn't pull you over.

Who cares?

It feels so great to be doing this.

Don't forget, you've got to take your afternoon meds. Beat you to it, kiddo.

Took them already.

Okay, boy who used to come over and help you with algebra stuff for you.

Friend, friend, or boyfriend?

Boyfriend. I knew it. Oh, knew it. Then why'd you ask?

Admit it, we fooled you.

All right, my turn.

Okay, when Daddy left, you acted like it never hurt you.

I was only 10, but it did. It killed me.

I think I was dying anyway.

Mom, the path's this way. Hello?

Mom, what are you doing? You're not supposed to overdo it. Do you hear me?

I'm fine.

Come on, slowpoke.

Strange weather for November, huh?

You got me to go kayaking on the Charles. Would you like to come?

Sure.

You're kidding, right? I wish we could.

Got to work.

Well, everything looks absolutely normal.

No problems?

Normal blood pressure, normal heartbeat.

I'll look at the PATH report, but I expect that to be normal.

That's good.

Now, you could still reject your heart.

But if the drugs keep doing their job, they'll convince your body not to

a foreign invader and keep you healthy. Oh, I've never felt better in my life.

That's great.

I've got to do my rounds. Why don't I walk you out?

It's just that there's something else, though.

I've been having these dreams.

Nightmares. Hmm, it's probably a steroid side effect. They'll ease up. But it's

not just when I sleep. They happen during the day, too.

And I'm having these really strange cravings.

Some beer and junk food and candy.

Oh, that's definitely the steroid.

I mean, you've had a poor appetite for years, and your body's just gone from

zero to 80. Your mind is trying to catch up.

I mean, your heart may be young, but the rest of your organs are whatever age

they are.

So I got a young heart?

How young?

Jill, the donor's family wanted to remain anonymous.

I think it was a he.

What was he like?

You're afraid you're going to have to pay for his speeding tickets?

His breakfast with me. Is that how he died in an accident? Don't concern

yourself with all this. You're not a patient I worry about.

So, you think these nightmares will pass?

Look, our brains control our feelings and dreams.

And right now, your brain is charting new ways to adapt to this amazing

experience you've had.

But the heart, it has only one function, to pump.

So, go forth and pump, Jill.

Here, I'll take that.

Thanks.

Can you just take me to Cambridge today?

Yeah, sure.

I'm not going to go to Brzezinski.

Hey, what's up?

There's this place?

Revere's? Yeah.

I met a fiddle player there. She's going to teach me some new techniques.

That sounds pretty cool.

No, you don't get it.

This is anything but cool.

What's wrong with the film?

I have my audition coming up.

I just blew off Brzezinski. I... I can't believe I'm doing this.

Yeah, I... I just... I don't know what I'm doing.

All right, I don't get it. What do you mean?

Okay, if my mom found out, do you know how bad she'd freak?

I mean, she's been counting on me getting into this conservatory like my

life. It'll kill her.

Why does she need to find out?

What do I tell her?

Nothing. Short term, what she doesn't know won't hurt her.

Hello? Amanda?

God, you wouldn't believe how many wonderfully boring errands I've gotten

today. I've been to the supermarket and the cleaners and now I'm at the car

wash.

Where are you?

I'm in the quad.

Give me five minutes. I'm going to get you.

Don't budge.

Mom, look, I can't.

Mom?

You know what? You may as well go.

She's determined to come and get me.

Okay.

Here. Thanks.

I'll see you later. Okay.

wet. Your chariot awaits, madame.

I was already supposed to be there.

I'll tell my scorpions my fault.

Look, you didn't need to come get me.

Hey, how many years did someone have to give you a ride to soccer practice and

violin lessons and birthday parties because I couldn't?

So, here I am, kiddo. At your service.

It's gonna be fun.

You're gonna get pneumonia.

No, I'm not.

I promise. Scout's honor.

Can I help you?

Mom!

What are you doing?

I'm sorry. I just get so excited.

What's happening to you?

Look, Mom, I'm going to go meet some friends.

I'll see you at home.

No, that was great. Thank you so much. Oh, you're very welcome. I really

appreciate it.

Wow, that was hot.

The music?

Yeah, the whole thing.

It's really different.

It's really hard.

Well, you make it look easy.

Maybe I should stick to what I know.

No way.

I like it, you know. I'll even try it on new stuff.

Maybe a new living arrangement?

Billy, I can't.

My mom's not ready.

You said she's healthy enough to run a marathon.

She is, but she's still... Amanda, do you want to?

I would love to.

Believe me, I would.

Then what's the problem?

You only have one fork.

We'll share.

Come on, what else?

Timing's not right.

I'm afraid if I'm there...

I'll spend all my time feeling guilty, and there's no way for us to start out.

Yeah.

You know, she's getting a lot better.

Someday, you're going to have to make your own life.

I know.

I'm working on it.

I just need a little time.

Sorry about today.

All those years I had to explain you.

But you were sick.

Now what do I say, Mom?

I've got a new medication.

Well, I'll add it to my list.

Well, this one's different. It's supposed to give me some ballast.

Good.

I hope it works.

It's a whole different ballgame, isn't it, you and I?

Think we can pull it off?

I don't know.

It's not so bad I'm still alive, huh?

We can get upset with each other now.

It won't break us.

Is there something you want to tell me that... that you couldn't before?

You don't like Billy much, do you?

Oh, come on.

It's all over your face like he isn't good enough for me.

Well, nobody is.

You think he lacks ambition or something, don't you?

Well, you said it this time, not me.

He's just figuring some things out.

Yeah, and he's driving a cab.

He's right there for me, Mom.

No matter what.

I'm glad, honey.

Now you.

Okay. Well, I think I finally figured out what mold is all about.

Driving fast with beer, candy, clothes.

I spent so many years sitting on that couch that I never had a chance to live.

Now I... What did you do, kiddo?

Time for my lorazepam. One milligram.

Affirmative on the cyclosporine.

I'm just making sure.

How's the music?

You got the second part of your audition Friday?

Are you going to be there?

I wouldn't miss it for the world.

Play for me?

Tomorrow, maybe.

Okay, tomorrow.

Amanda?

It's going to be the first great Christmas.

the longest time.

Can't wait to go to the Nutcracker with you.

I'm having a bad dream.

You know what I told

you about feeling weird?

It's getting worse.

I'm doing things so impulsively, it's like I have no control.

Dreams, memories.

I don't know where they're coming from.

I'm really having trouble making sense of it.

Did you tell your doctor?

Jaffe thinks it's a side effect of the meds.

And Amanda thinks I'm an alien.

She gets so angry with me.

I'm not used to that. We never used to fight.

Well, there was never any room for that.

I guess it's just really confusing for her.

Maybe that's the good news.

You're having the relationship you always should have had.

I think I like the old one better.

This is up 19 % this last quarter.

Whatever you're cooking, keep stirring it up.

I have too many worries.

Well, you have the best job here.

To own and to cook, that would be the best job.

Not a very good manager.

I don't want to be a manager.

I want to get your opinion on something.

It's on the Cape.

Great little restaurant.

I just need a partner in crime.

Me?

Oh, no, Brian, I couldn't.

I'm flattered, really.

Oh, it's a dream, but it could come true, Jill.

You just need a little confidence to pursue an opportunity.

Did you ever get the feeling that someone was trying to lead you somewhere

you've never been?

Someone who knows you need to go there?

Could be me.

Brian, I've got so much going on, I just... I can't focus on it.

And right now, Amanda is playing. I've got to go.

Don't be late Thanksgiving.

You're bringing the hors d 'oeuvres, right?

Right.

I'm not going to make it. I'm going to have to call AAA.

Oh, hey, I used to work for AAA.

Do you need a ride?

Do you have an extra helmet?

As a matter of fact, I do.

And at no time do your hands leave the handlebar.

Crock my heart.

I can watch the show, baby.

Are you alright?

Can I do anything for you?

Do

you

still want to go in?

Mom? Amanda?

I'm so sorry.

How'd it go?

Thought you were coming.

Car trouble.

Oh, this is Stefan. He was kind enough to give me a ride.

Oh, hey, it's nice to meet you, Amanda.

Look, I better be getting back.

I'll see you later, Jim. Thanks.

Thanks a lot. Call me.

Okay.

Who is Stefan?

No, guys.

Because? Real speak, guys. I thought only men had midlife crises.

Oh, God damn, Amanda. And you criticize me about Billy?

I'm the daughter.

You're supposed to be the mother.

Don't you think I know that? Damn it.

And why are you swearing?

Here. These are for you.

Do you know where Dr. Jaffe is? He just went into surgery.

Where's Teresa Russo?

Try the staff lunchroom. Okay.

Beating faster.

Well, that's a medical issue, Jill. You should see Dr. Jaffe. No, I don't mean

literally faster.

Dr. Jaffe said he put you on a mood equalizer.

Stop thinking about damn mood equalizers.

Look, I'm ready to believe anything that anyone wants to tell me about what's

going on, but none of it makes any sense.

It's like Humpty Dumpty, except they put me back together again all wrong.

I have to count it on my behavior.

You know the worst part?

Gaping all where my daughter and I used to be.

Have you been to the transplant support group?

No. Well, you should go.

There may be others there who've experienced what you're feeling now.

I don't know. Jill, you know I can't answer that. And for all the right

He wasn't it.

And he died in a motorcycle accident.

Wasn't they mad?

Is there any way that I could overhear some kind of conversation?

Donor organs arrive here in an ice chest.

The only thing that matters is that we use them to save lives.

Oh, please, Teresa.

Everyone I know and love thinks I'm nuts.

Mondays and Thursday afternoons, Jill.

Go to the group.

And how are you doing, Jill?

So far, my physical recovery's been perfect.

But you said you have concerns emotionally.

Well, of course I feel guilty.

You know, that someone else had to die so I could live.

That's very much part of the process.

It's common to think if only they could still be here, if only they lived on.

Everyone here is working through that.

Suppose you're getting signals.

Like... Like he did live on, I don't know, impulses from your new heart.

It's called cellular memory.

It's when you inherit aspects of your donor's personality, even its spirit.

Here we go again.

It's a theory given zero credence in the medical community.

The psychological confusion. Not some psychological thing. The other day I

almost had a car accident because I was speeding. I never used to speed.

And you're blaming your donor? No, but it's as if I was doing it for him.

I know this is sounding a little crazy.

Being here is making me feel even more crazy.

There's something so profound about having somebody else's heart beating

of me.

And I don't believe people come to meetings like this just to ignore these

things.

I feel like you're judging me. This isn't working.

You're always welcome here.

We're here to help you, Jill.

Jill, you have dreams too, don't you?

They don't go away.

Look, there's a visiting doctor over at Harvard. I think you should go see him.

His name is Dr.

Emil.

Hey, Billy.

Can I ask you something?

Do you think it makes any sense that a part of one person could live on in

someone else?

You talking about Amanda?

No. I mean, like a heart.

Your heart.

I don't know. It sounds kind of out there.

Well, I mean, just think about it, Billy. I mean, it's not like a

a kidney.

I mean, it's where your feelings come from, right?

And there are all these expressions like you take heart, you lose heart, you

wear your heart on your sleeve, and if someone doesn't understand you, you call

them heartless.

Yeah, you know what?

It's like that movie where this shrink or a professor or something, he had a

accident and lost his arm, right?

Well, it turns out he had the arm of a psycho killer grafted onto him and he

starts killing people.

But it was his new arm that made him.

You didn't see it.

Hey, Mr. Maddox.

I think we just had our first heart -to -heart conversation.

A beautiful slap shot, but for the wrong team.

Come on, come on!

Why?

Oh, great, a breakaway.

No, stop him!

Hey.

Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. I was just trying to make you guys a great dessert.

Oh, dear.

Sorry,

Stefan.

Something came up.

Don't cancel.

Go, enjoy yourself with the stud muffin on the bike. Hey, maybe he'll even take

you to a wet T -shirt contest. You are out of line.

You're just having a good time. Oh, no, it's a great time.

Go.

Please.

Billy and I will just go see a movie.

How are you going to get on a motorcycle wearing that?

Oh, I'm not on my bike tonight. I thought...

You know, I think you're being too hard on her. I just don't want to be around

her right now. Why not?

Look, I agree she's different, but so what? You can't blame her for that.

Maybe you'll like her better.

No.

No, I don't like her better.

I'm glad she's better, but I don't like her better.

Come on, Amanda. Lighten up. I mean, what's her big crime? Her big crime is

enough already.

I mean, she's all over the place.

I'm so distracted, I think I may have blown my audition.

Can I tell you something?

You were distracted before the transplant.

Too many recitals, too much pressure. Well, I've always been able to handle

I think maybe the problem is she doesn't need you like she used to.

Well, she needs a lot of help.

More than I can give her. Yeah, but she can deal with it.

She's an adult.

Come on.

Let's go see a movie.

So you're telling me that all I have to do is hit the black ball in that pocket

and we win $20?

Without... Punching the 10 ball first.

I was at Billy's.

I was worried about you.

Well, we're even.

That's not fair.

I liked it better before.

On Tuesdays, a little bit to pharmacy. On Thursdays, cardiologist appointment.

That's when I was sick, Amanda.

That's when I knew what I could count on.

I knew what to do.

This isn't what it was supposed to be like.

You're too different.

Look. I know how I've been acting.

But there's something I have to tell you.

From the moment I woke up in the ICU, I felt that I was sharing my heart with

somebody else.

I even know his name, Matt.

Is that what the nightmares are about?

Yeah.

But there's more than that.

More how?

The heart is a big ball of subtle energy.

Ancient cultures have known about it for centuries.

The Chinese call it chi.

The Japanese call it ki.

The medical profession calls it crap.

There is a biochemical theory that cells implanted in a new body are still

active. I myself take a broader view.

Which is?

That you are participating in your donor's memories.

Some people even see their donor in their dreams. Of course.

You are carrying the energy of strong emotions.

They can be very disturbing.

The feelings I get from him are so intense, so demanding.

This young man's spirit found someone who'd pay attention.

And if they won't fade?

When you figure out the message, you'll have the answer.

They make it all the way to Thanksgiving undefeated, and the coach goes to make

a substitution, and the egomaniac kid won't get off the field.

So both quarterbacks are out there shoving each other. That's why they call

Zoo U. I saw that. They had, like, was it three technicals in one game? Uh

Did you play football, Billy?

No, hockey.

I was a little bit of a wimp. Hold me on the ice.

I discovered something.

He lived right here in Massachusetts.

My donor, Matt, he's been telling me how to get there to his parents.

He's done everything but send me a road map to his house.

Really?

How do you get this information?

I've got some news.

I got in to the conservatory.

I'm so proud of you.

You didn't let anything get in your way.

Here, here.

Here's to you.

Cheers. Good girl.

And you were there.

You heard what she said.

She afraid I'm walking on a seance next.

Well, she did ask for a crystal ball for Christmas.

You're kidding.

Yeah, I am.

I just feel awful criticizing her after everything she's been through.

Honey, you've been through a lot, too.

You've got to cut yourself a bit of slack here.

We were prepared for her to die or to get a new heart and live.

We just weren't prepared for all the stuff that she's been talking about.

So what do we do?

Give her some time.

Believing that his energy is inside her may just be wishful thinking on her

part.

We're going to need a lot of patience.

If I run out, slap me, okay?

You got it.

I want to find my donor's family.

I don't know, I really feel I need to find them.

Why not use this time to make plans for your life, for your future?

You're in control if you want to be.

You get your heart ripped out of your body and replaced with somebody else's.

There is no control.

He wants me to go there.

Somehow I know that.

And the dreams are getting more intense. He's trying to get my attention.

I strongly urge you to give this some time, Jill.

For now, you should just focus on your physical recovery.

Maybe it's not about me.

Maybe this is about him.

Maybe I need to do this for him.

So if the hospital won't help me find him, I'll go to the transplant

Right. And after they stonewall you... I'll keep going.

Wow.

I used to be type A big time.

Now I just take things as they come. Something gets in my way, I don't sweat

anymore.

I don't have to win every point.

I'm just glad to be here.

I feel so peaceful just to be alive.

I'm just glad too, but it's nothing but peaceful.

The other day I was watching my niece. She was playing with one of these snow

dome things you shake up.

And it occurred to me that I could kick the bucket.

In the time it takes one of those snowflakes to fall.

But I'm not going to worry about it anymore.

You know, it would be interesting to know if, well, with our old hearts,

if we would have liked each other.

I like you, Glenn.

Like you now.

I still have so much I need to figure out.

Hey, no problem.

I understand.

I wish you luck, too.

That's it for the Boston Globe.

What about the rest of the state?

That is the whole state.

All death notices within 24 hours of your transplant. There's no mat,

No motorcycle fatalities.

What good is this anyway, even if you found him?

He could be a murderer or a psychopath or just normal.

From people who would prefer not to revisit the worst tragedy of their

Who don't need their hearts broken again.

He's got to be out there somewhere.

How is this in any reasonable way going to make life better for you?

Or for them? Or for anyone?

I don't know, Beth.

But somehow I feel I have to do this.

Well, all I can say is be careful what you wish for, Jill.

Usually I'm the sort of person who says, even if I don't understand something,

even if it is totally outside of my life experience, okay, I'm willing to go

along with whatever because...

My best friend Jill's going through a crisis, and I'm there for her.

But I can't go along with something that I think is so wrong.

It's too hard for me to watch you do this.

Vermont, New York, Maine. What am I forgetting?

Rhode Island.

Matthew Joseph LaSalle, 22.

17 Milk Lane, Righteous Cove, Rhode Island.

Died on August 24th from injury, sustained in a motorcycle accident.

Will you be able to spend Christmas with us, Billy?

Oh, no. I'm going to work.

There's big bucks keeping drunks off the street on Christmas.

This is where we celebrate?

Yeah. It isn't what I pictured.

I'm surprised.

Hey, surprises can be a good thing, right?

Especially with that new ticker of yours.

You can handle them.

Yep.

I'm surprised Amanda isn't here.

Oh, she said she was going to meet us inside. You want to grab a table? Sure.

Here.

So, where's our girl? Can I get you guys something?

Uh, yeah.

Do you want a beer?

No, I'll, uh, I'll take a soft drink. Cola?

Uh, whatever you got on draft. Thanks. I'll be right back.

Tonight we're going to get to all your favorites, but first we've got something

new. A very talented violinist who's just trying her hand at our kind of

Amanda Maddox.

Incredible. Not bad?

That was amazing. Oh, thank you.

Wow.

Well, that hard work paid off.

Do you approve?

What do you mean? I loved it.

Well, I guess I shouldn't be surprised after all that serious training you've

had. Well, music doesn't always have to be so serious.

I'm going to go get us some food.

I'm not going to the conservatory.

What? Don't freak out on me, okay? This is hard for me, too.

It's your dream. You've wanted to do it since you were six years old. Dreams

change.

When? I don't know when.

Could you guess?

Why should you care anymore? You like rap.

Guess.

Recently. Well, how recently, Amanda?

Tonight? No, not tonight.

Well, then when, Amanda? What difference does it make?

I couldn't tell you before because you were so sick I thought it would kill

Well, I haven't been about to die for a while, Amanda.

I know that.

She's doing this to hurt me. This is not about you.

This is about me for a change.

Why are you just now telling me this? You want to try and be a new person? Why

can't I?

God, you're like a kid.

I'm the one who's supposed to be acting out, but instead it's you.

I call dropping out of the conservatory acting out. Hey, it's my turn.

I'm due.

I thought when you got out of the hospital that we could be a normal

But instead, you've just become this whacked person that I don't like being

around.

I can't breathe around you.

Well, go right ahead.

Feel free to breathe.

Hello?

I, uh... Um, could I speak to...

I... Who is this?

I'm the recipient of Matt and Sal's heart.

Oh, look, don't do this. We wrote you back, didn't we?

I'm Jill Maddox.

I know this is taking a chance, but please, could you try for Matt?

Are you still there?

I'm here, Jill.

Who's that for?

I contacted my donor's family.

They're in Rhode Island.

When I get back, let's talk.

I'm coming with you.

You don't have to. You're a scary driver, Mom. I'm coming. That's it.

You're nervous about this, aren't you?

Technically.

Terrified. We could go back.

No, I can't.

I've got this boy's heart beating inside of me.

Somehow I feel he wants something from me.

You want to know what I think, Mom?

I think you've taken this way too far.

You have every reason to feel resentful.

I'm confused.

I just hope you're not cutting off your nose to spite your face by not going to

the conservatory.

It's not about the conservatory.

It's not even about the music.

I need time, okay?

I never had time.

I feel like I need to catch up with myself.

And everyone's so happy for me. Oh, Amanda, now you can dive into your

Well, I don't want to dive.

I just want to sit on the diving board and dangle my feet.

I want to screw up.

When you were sick, I could never screw up.

You're 100 % sure that it's not some backdoor way of saying I quit?

120%.

Then go for it, kiddo.

Okay, please don't do this because that really scares me because then I know

it's true. You're not in there. I am. This is for me. This is for Mom.

I guess it scares me that I'm different now.

That I'm going to be okay without you.

God, you sound like Billy.

Well, maybe he's right.

He thinks we should live together.

Well, he's definitely not right about that.

Didn't you just say go for it?

God, this whole thing sucks, you know?

I'm just supposed to accept that you've changed to move on, but you can't let go

of me?

Please don't.

Please.

Thanks.

So you came up Route 12?

There was a detour. Damn construction.

They've been at it for over two years.

All to add one new lane.

My son's heart is sitting here on the sofa beside me. Mom. And all you can do

talk about a detour.

The letter said you have a new thing for junk food. I hope you don't mind my

saying. I thought you'd be a bit chubby like me.

Well, with the amount of candy I've been eating lately, I might just get there.

Junk food and beer were Matt's favorites.

That explains a lot.

Have you gotten any speeding tickets?

Is this okay to ask about him?

I have so many questions.

Did Matt like rap music?

I loved it.

What do you know?

This is Cindy. She lives next door. Says Matt was a baby.

And Jean's brother, Roy.

Good to meet you. And this is my daughter, Amanda.

Nice to meet you both.

And this is Aunt Eunice.

She taught Matt how to play poker.

You're so welcome here.

There are no words to express how grateful I am.

Here's my baby.

Just restless, I guess.

Restless.

That's a gentle way to put it.

Gene LaSalle, you stop it.

Matty was a hellraiser from the get -go. He just couldn't sit still.

Just like his nephew.

What do you do?

Six weeks.

Would you like to see his room?

Look at this.

The great philosopher.

To not take risks is to risk death.

I think it was from one of the songs he liked.

I used to graduate high school.

That meant a lot to me.

At Amanda's graduation, I thought my heart would burst.

She's up there on that stage, that cap and gown, smiling down at me.

I was bawling.

I was so proud.

But really, I was crying just... because I was there to see it.

She probably thought they were tears of joy.

That's the thing, they really were.

She's a lucky girl to have you.

You have such a big family.

Yeah, we're lucky.

Is your mom all you've got?

Yeah.

Gotta be something.

Thinking she was gonna die and then getting her back again.

Yeah, it's something.

And it's something else.

I wish we'd get Matt back.

Nobody else got in touch with him?

The ones who got mad at the organ.

Okay, everyone.

Let's get together for a picture.

Thanks.

Oh, Merry Christmas.

You'll always be the family of my heart.

Matt loved it here.

He loved the water.

We scattered his ashes out there.

It was beautiful.

We had a whopper the morning he died.

He took off like a bat out of hell.

Me hollering at him.

You and Matt had a fight?

He got on that stupid bike.

Like crazy.

They draw off just like that.

How could you know right then that you were never

going to see your kid again?

Never get the chance to tell him you love him.

Maybe explain to him that lots of times a father says things he doesn't mean.

Just to knock some sense into him?

I think Matt would forgive you.

He would want you to forgive him.

I used to think Matt's death was for nothing.

Maybe nothing is for nothing.

You know?

Where's Amanda?

She said she needed to go home. Kathy took her to the bus station.

I think your daughter needs you.

I know.

I'm glad you came.

Where are you going?

To Billy's.

Something amazing happened up there, Amanda.

Yeah, I know.

You have a big happy family now.

You'll always be the family of my heart, remember?

You are my heart, Amanda.

It's not even yours.

Amanda?

I just wanted to let you know that I did it.

I'm glad.

I think maybe Matt somehow got caught between two worlds.

According to that thousand, no.

Hopefully we can both be free.

And I'm also hopeful that someday my daughter will understand.

Anyway, gotta get on with the living, right?

Where's Glenn?

I, uh, got a present for him. Oh.

You haven't been here for several weeks.

Your brother said it happened fast.

Once upon a time, there was a woman.

She didn't exactly live in a shoe, but she didn't have much time left, so she

didn't know what to do.

Man, I know this is going to be really, really hard on you, but there's a couple

of things I want to say.

First, how much I love you, and I always will.

And I know that you're going to be the most amazing young woman beyond.

That's the first.

Can you stand it just for one more second while I indulge in a little life

lesson here?

When you were born, my world became so big, I just, I didn't know the world

could get that big.

And then when I found out I was sick, it just got smaller and smaller until it

got so small, I couldn't see it anymore.

Daddy left, and what replaced him was doctors and medicine.

I'm my best nurse in the universe, you.

For most of my adult life, I've had to depend on everybody else's advice.

What they recommended, what they knew was best for me.

So, let your dear old mom give you this Christmas gift.

If you do one thing in this life, sweetheart, do this.

Follow your heart.

Surprised you're back.

We had a fight.

Besides, it's Christmas.

I want to spend it with you.

We're quite a pair.

Been through some really hard times, but we don't need to run away from our

problems.

Maybe you were in a big hurry.

Mostly to get away from me.

You deserve to do things in your own time.

They asked me to join the band.

I'm going to take a year off and see how it goes.

And don't say anything, Mom. I could still end up doing time with the Boston

Symphony.

I know you made the right decision.

I hope so.

You're a courageous person.

You gave me that.

When someone gives you something, you have to learn how to make it your own.

So what do we do now?

Put carrots out for the reindeer.

Let's open Bryce. Yeah.

Oh, my gosh, Mom.

Oh, it's gorgeous.

Your own restaurant.

Wouldn't it be nice to have live music there?

Wouldn't it be great?

Oh.

Mum. Mum.

Time to get ready.

We'll be right back.