All language subtitles for Family Matters s03e22 The Urkel Who Came to Dinner

Warner Brothers Domestic Television
Distribution.

Here, fishy, fishy.

Shout time.

Can I feed the fish? No, no, no, no, no,
sir.

Nobody comes near this fish.

Dad, what's the big deal?

It belongs to Lieutenant Murtaugh.

I am fishy sitting while he's in Las
Vegas searching for the future Mrs.

Murtaugh.

He may be gone a long...

Anyone care to join us in a happy dance?

Hey, what's up?

The Urkels are packing their car. It
looks like they're going on vacation.

Oh, yeah.

How much luggage?

Two weeks' worth, easy.

Two weeks without Steve Urkel?

Wow.

Maybe dreams really do come true.

It's a rare condition, this day and age,
to read any good news on the newspaper

page. Love and tradition of the grand
design, some people say it's even harder

to find.

Well, then there must be some magic clue
inside these gentle walls.

Cause all I see is a tower of dreams,
real love bursting...

on vacation, Steve?

Why aren't you on vacation, Steve?

Oh, well, it would have been
inappropriate for me to join my parents.

on their second honeymoon.

Oh, how romantic.

Where'd they go?

Well, my mother went to Washington to
visit the Smithsonian, and my dad went

New York to see Clem Puddle's House of
Reptiles.

You know, several questions come to mind
here.

Oh, shoot.

Your parents are taking separate second
honeymoons? Oh, yes. They desperately

want to avoid the tragedy that resulted
from their first honeymoon.

What was that? Me.

Okay. Second question.

Why would a guy spend his second
honeymoon at Clem Puddle's house of

Now, first...

For some reason, my father is fascinated
with animals that eat their own young.

So, Steve, where are you going to be
staying while your parents are gone?

Some relative's house far, far away?

Is that pity I hear in your voice?

No, it's hope.

in that empty house all by yourself.
You're staying with us.

She's my type.

I know, Steve. I came down to sing
backup.

Oh, and look, you even woke up Spike.

Oh, you mean the terrifying Scolari?

Right.

I'm taking care of him for Lieutenant
Murtaugh.

So that means no more late -night blues
sessions with V .B. Urkel.

Got it. Hey, and bonsoir, big guy. Or as
they say in old Mexico, buenas noches,

hombre grande.

Viva Zapata.

Steve got up early this morning and
fixed us a wonderful breakfast.

What'd you make, Steve?

Omelette. Oh, I love omelette.

What kind?

Liver and hentai.

I'll let him go.

out, Rich Meister.

There's this kid at school who picks on
me. His name is Timmy Thompson, but we

call him the Terminator.

Oh, tough guy, huh?

He told me he'll beat me up if I don't
give him a dollar every day, starting

today. You know, I think you should tell
your mom.

I can't. She told me never to play under
any circumstances.

Oh, tell your teacher.

She'll just make Timmy stay in the
corner for a while. Then after school,

hit me over the head with his little
brother.

Why are you telling me?

I don't know. You just seem like the
kind of guy who gets beat up a lot.

Me? Beat up a lot? Well, I... You're
very perceptive.

Don't want to stand up to them.

Richie, getting beat up feels real bad.

But being afraid all the time, oh, that
feels even worse.

I'm Mark. I have a study date with
Laura.

Ah, yes.

Laura told me you'd be dropping by.

Laura's out right now, but she's due
back shortly.

Come on in, Mark.

If that's your real name.

Hey, are you Steve Urkel?

Why, yes. How'd you know?

You have a kick -me sign on your back.

Why, those teachers always with the
darn...

three forms of identification, and a
thumbprint.

But first, would you kindly step into
the bathroom and fill this?

What?

You object to a random drug test?

I sure do.

happened to you?

I set off to tear me the Terminator.

Guess what?

He's a sucker for a left hook.

Oh, well, way to go, Richie.

Richard Crawford, you get up to your
room right now.

But, Mom. Go.

Going.

Steve,

did you give my son some advice?

Well, I believe... Did you tell him that
it was okay to fight?

Well, now, not in those exact words.
Well, he took your advice, Steve, and he

got into a fight today, and thanks to
you, he's been kicked out of preschool.

Yes, Laura, my little dust bunny.

What did you do to my study date?

Oh, you mean Mark, if that's his real
name.

I just said hi to him and he crossed the
street, mumbling something about our

house having a nerd infestation.

Well, success stones may break my bones,
but I'm here and he's not, baby.

If you ever have...

Steve, where's Spice?

But, uh, Carl, I've got some bad news.

And some good news.

And some more bad news.

Spit it out.

Here goes.

You see, Carl, I... I... I accidentally
sucked Spike up in the vacuum cleaner.

What? Oh, my God!

Oh, Carl, but the good news is that I
got him out.

Oh, thank God.

But you know that more bad news I was
talking about?

Well, I, uh... I swallowed him.

We've got to get him back. Oh, my God.
What's your plan?

Hello, Winslow.

Lieutenant Murtaugh.

You're back early from Las Vegas.

Yeah, yeah.

So, how's my fish?

Well, sir,

I... Well, uh, well...

Something terrible has happened to your
fish.

Terrible? Oh, there's no way to break
the news gently, so I might as well just

come right out with the truth.

Here goes.

Your fish? Fish committed suicide.

He what?

Yes, sir. It was awful, sir.

The minute you left, well, Spike got so
very sad.

He stopped eating.

He stopped swimming.

Excuse me.

He just pressed his little face up
against the glass.

Oh, Pauline.

for me.

Or at least do a better job of it.

Will somebody please tell me what
happened to my fish?

Lou, I accidentally killed Spike.

I sucked him up in that very vacuum
cleaner.

Oh, come on. That's pretty hard to
swallow.

The problem won't go away. I was in the
supermarket, and his mother tried to hit

me over the head with her husband.

Mom, Steve has got to go.

Okay, okay, okay.

Just give me a Mary Scott spike test.

Please. I don't deserve to be around ice
people.

Nice enough to let me stay in your home.
And I wanted to repay you.

But instead I messed everything up.

Like I always do.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Uncle
Steve helped me.

No, he didn't, honey. I mean, Steve, I
had to beg you back into that preschool.

Yeah, and I was afraid to go to school,
and I wanted to be a whore for a night.

To be a whore. You know, Laura, he's a
whore.

I'm not upset about your study date.

Mark? If that's real.

Well, then, I spiked just a mountain,
and he outlit what he's doing.

She sure got one hecka. I was about to
have a moment.

Uh, ma.

What were you doing up at Makeout
Mountain?

Hey, Carl, don't you think I can change
the subject?

You know, ma, I want to light up in that
house tonight.

What the heck?

What the heck? You know, that's my area.

I was a garden. I'll be sure.

He told me he.

that free. I had to stay.

I had free Google Play.