Original subtitles

Richie, that's a pretty one. Who are you going to give it to?

Nobody. Judy gave me five bucks if I help her make her valentines.

How many are you giving out, honey?

One to every boy in the class.

Aren't you supposed to give just one to one special boy?

Yeah, and whatever boy answers, he'll be special.

Why do people send valentines anyway? I think it's yucky.

Well, people send valentines to people they love.

And when you love somebody, nothing's yucky.

Have no fear, Cupid's here.

Then again, some people go too far.

It's a rare condition this day and age to read any good news on the newspaper

page. And love and tradition of the grand design, some people say, is even

harder to find.

Well, then there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls.

Because all I see is a tower of dreams, real love bursting out of heaven.

We're going to fill our house with happiness.

We'll smother the blues with tenderness.

There's room for you, room for me, for gentle hearts and opportunity.

It's the bigger love of the family.

Come on.

Oh!

You can wait for Laura in here.

Why, does she don't want me to wait in the kitchen with you guys?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. You stay right here and enjoy your pickle.

I'll be right here working my gherkin.

Daniel Wallace?

Yep, that'd be me.

What in Sam Hill are you on?

I came to see Laura.

Is she here?

Uh, no. She's in Switzerland training for the women's luge. Bye.

Hey,

hey, hey.

You bit my pickle.

Whoa. That outfit is quite a fashion risk.

Listen, Wallace. This costume represents Cupid, the Roman god of love.

a mythological beneficent spirit who shot arrows of passion in a glorious

attempt to bring two mortal hearts together.

Now, don't you feel like a total yet?

Yeah, but at least I don't look like one.

Oh, that does it. Now I want you to make like a banana and split.

And look, I'm not leaving until I've seen Laura.

I'm going to ask her to be my valentine.

Why do you what?

I'm going to sweep her off her feet.

Laura's too smart for that. She knows you're a heartbreaker, a tomcat, a two

-bit parlor snake.

She'll drop you like a pair of dirty drawers down a laundry chute.

Oh, really?

Stick around. Watch me in action.

Laura will be putty in my hands.

Yep, that'd be me.

Uh, Laura, you probably didn't recognize me.

Are you supposed to be Cupid? Ah, my myth knoweth her mythology.

With this box of petty fours also comes a heart that soars. My love for thee

shall find a nest with Cupid's arrow in thy breast.

always shine.

We'll wing our way through life's sunset.

Oh, Laura, won't you be my best?

Uh, uh, Steve, how many verses are in this poem? Eighty -four.

I'll save you eighty -two verses. Go home.

And, uh, you can go with them.

Why? What'd I do?

Nothing, and I'd like to keep it that way.

Hey, wait a minute, Laura, Laura, I was hoping we could go out tonight.

Tonight?

Yeah. Maybe we could catch a movie.

Daniel, you don't have the greatest rep. You've broken a few hearts.

A few? This guy makes Warren Beatty look like Father Dowling.

Look, Laura, I admit that I've made some mistakes, but I've learned from them,

and I really want to go out with you.

Why me?

Well, because you're not like any girl I've ever known.

You're different.

You're special.

I am?

Thank you.

Oh, please!

You're buying this boat, Bucky?

I can't stop thinking about you, Laura. It's making me crazy.

Please say you'll go out with me.

Yes. Yes.

Now!

I'll pick you up at 7. I'll be ready.

You must be Daniel Wallace.

Yes, sir. And you must be Laura's father. That's right.

Carl Winslow.

Police Sergeant Carl Winslow.

Pleased to meet you, sir. This is my sister -in -law, Rachel Crawford.

We've met. How are you, Daniel? Just fine, ma 'am.

I hope I'm not disturbing you fine, folks.

No, no. I was just installing this dimmer switch here.

Whoa.

You put that in yourself?

Well, yeah.

That's great.

I mean, I really admire a man who's good with his hands.

Well, I'm not one to brag, but I am a

handy guy.

Just last month, I turned our basement into a wine cellar.

Wine cellar?

That's what you call eight shoeboxes stacked on a car table?

Hi, Daniel.

Wow, you look beautiful.

Oh, you both look great. Don't they make a terrific couple, Carl? Mm -hmm.

Right. Well, you kids go ahead. Have a good time.

Be home by 10.

10? We'll have to come straight home after the movie.

Oh, all right. 10 -15.

Don't worry, Mr. Winslow. I'll have her back by 10. After all, it's a school

night.

And, uh, here's the name and number of the movie theater.

Oh, and on our way home, we'll be passing the Piggly Wiggly.

Can we pick you up anything?

Well, we're out of Malamars.

Well, never mind. I'll tell you what.

Since you're such a responsible young man, let's say we make it an 11 o 'clock

curfew. Well, thank you, sir.

Good night.

Malamars.

Oh, and again, nice workmanship.

No, craftsmanship.

I am really impressed.

I mean, you install something that actually works. Well, of course.

Rachel, do you like the lights bright like this?

polka video.

Go home, Steve.

But why?

We were having such fun.

Oh, yeah. This night goes down in the hall of fun.

Actually, Errol, I'm lying like a rug.

I'm not really the happy -go -lucky guy I appear to be.

That's just my polka face.

Actually, my insides are twisted and not.

Because my beloved is out with another man.

I'm more miserable than I've ever been in my whole life.

Well, good night.

I had a great time, Daniel.

Me too.

You know, Laura, I think you're the prettiest girl I've ever known.

Well,

I'll see you tomorrow.

I can't wait.

Girl, I don't have time in the dish, but can you help me decide which earrings

to wear?

Wear those.

Why? Because these are mine.

Oh, yeah, I forgot.

So where are you going?

To a movie.

A date?

Who's the guy?

Oh, that's not important.

Come on, spill it.

Well,

it's Daniel Wallace.

What?

How can you go out with him?

You know how he treated me.

Max, Daniel admitted he made some mistakes, but he learned from them.

And he really likes me, Max.

He told me I'm special.

That's the same thing he said to me just before he dumped me.

Max, look, it just didn't work out between you two. Laura, there's

never told you. The reason it didn't work out was because I didn't put out.

Daniel respects me, Maxine.

I thought he respected me, too.

But when I told him to slow down, he just called me a baby.

Max, stop it. You're just jealous.

I'm not.

I'm your best friend.

Well, then act like it and be happy for me.

How can I be happy when I know what's going to happen?

Daniel Wallace is a creep, Laura.

And he's going to break your heart.

No, Max.

He broke your heart.

Daniel and I are doing just fine.

Hi, Maxine.

Hello, Mr. Winslow.

Maxine?

Are you okay?

Not really.

Laura and I just had a fight.

Oh.

About what?

Daniel Wallace.

You like him, too?

That creepy jerk?

Maybe you don't.

Mr. Winslow, Daniel sweet -talks girls and they're falling for him. And then if

he doesn't get what he wants, he dumps them.

Well, just what is it that he wants?

You know.

I'll kill him.

I came to say goodbye.

I joined a monastery, the Brotherhood of Perpetual Patience and Prayer.

Good old P .P. and P.

Is this a vacation?

A little R &R at P .P. and P.? No, I'm going there to live. I've taken a vow of

chastity.

Oh, Steve, you've always been chaste.

Yeah, but now I have an excuse.

Does this have anything to do with Laura?

Ah, you can't pull the wool over your eyes, my son.

My lovely Laura has found another man.

And the only thing that can mend my broken heart are several years of prayer

making cheese.

Hey,

this is nice.

I like your bedroom.

Well, I don't really call it a...

Bedroom? It's just a room.

Sure, there happens to be a bed in it, but that's just a coincidence.

Why are you so nervous, Laura?

Daniel, when we were down on the ground, the idea of coming up here to talk

seemed like a good idea, but now that we're here, I think it's a huge mistake,

so let's go, okay?

Laura, Laura, relax.

Just relax, okay?

Daniel, if my father catches you in here, he'll dribble you home.

And I don't even want to think about what he'll do to me.

Look, if it makes you that uncomfortable, I'll just leave, okay?

You want to be mad?

Of course not.

I just want you to be happy.

Did you have a good time tonight?

Terrific.

Good.

What's the matter?

Nothing. I just think you should go now.

Oh, come on. Loosen up.

Daniel, no.

No?

What do you mean, no?

I thought you liked me.

I do. That's why you're still standing.

Laura, you're acting like a baby.

What did you say?

Look, I'm a man and I have needs.

Now you're going to act like a baby or a mature woman?

Maxine tried to warn me, but I wouldn't listen.

What?

Get out.

Laura. Get out and stay out. I don't ever want to see you again.

All right, fine.

Okay, I'm out of here.

Look, catch this, baby.

There are a lot of girls out there who would love to be with me.

This is your loss.

Daniel, wait.

Yeah?

Catch this, baby.

Laura?

What's going on? I heard a noise.

I just had a fight with Daniel Wallace.

Wait a minute.

Was he up here in your room?

Yes. But I sent him home.

Airmail.

He shouldn't have been up here in the first place. I know, Mom, and I'm sorry.

He said he just wanted to come up here so we could talk.

But he really wanted to make out.

He kept pressuring me, Mom.

How'd you handle it?

I made him leave, and I told him I never wanted to see him again.

Well, you did the right thing, honey.

Then why do I feel so bad, Mom?

Come here, sweetheart.

He said I was special.

He made me trust him.

But he was just lying so he could get what he wanted.

I know, I know.

But you know, Laura, someday you're going to meet the right guy.

And he'll make you feel special, too.

And he won't be lying.

He'll really love you, and you'll really love him.

And then you know what will happen?

We'll have sex.

No!

You'll get married.

Oh, well, sure.

That goes without saying.

What's the hint?

I like to hear those words. I'm your mother.

We'll get married first.

Thank you.

I told Daniel I never want to see him again.

Yeah!

Now, Lawrence, you're vulnerable now.

Your emotions are exposed and hurting.

And, well, I'm not too proud to try and get you on the rebound.

So, why don't you and I join hands and glide up the escalator of life?

I'm sorry.

But I'll tell you what I will do.

Well, what's that?

Well...

In a few seconds, it'll be midnight, so I'll let you be my valentine for the

rest of the day.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. You hurt her. You hurt her.

You're my witnesses.

You're my witnesses. Oh, oh, oh. Five.

Four.

Three.

Two.

One.

Zero, go home.

Thanks

for

the memory, baby.