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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:12,119 --> 00:00:13,280 As usual. 2 00:00:13,840 --> 00:00:19,520 At least he didn't tell us to take the bus. 3 00:00:19,780 --> 00:00:22,260 If you're not ready in five minutes, you're taking the bus. 4 00:00:24,040 --> 00:00:25,200 Kids, are you ready? 5 00:00:26,080 --> 00:00:27,080 Almost. 6 00:00:28,140 --> 00:00:29,140 I'm ready. 7 00:00:30,340 --> 00:00:33,900 Richie, why did you spill grape juice all over yourself? 8 00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:36,140 Because red orange juice. 9 00:00:38,060 --> 00:00:39,740 Come on, let's do this. Listen, baby. 10 00:00:40,480 --> 00:00:42,520 It's them, 11 00:00:46,100 --> 00:00:47,100 my bell. 12 00:00:47,480 --> 00:00:48,480 Wow, 13 00:00:53,220 --> 00:00:54,500 you look stunning. 14 00:00:55,420 --> 00:01:01,800 Why, if I were a couple years older, we, well... Oh, stop. 15 00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:04,519 I got pantyhose older than you. 16 00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:09,980 Where is everyone? 17 00:01:10,380 --> 00:01:11,380 Getting ready for church. 18 00:01:11,500 --> 00:01:12,500 Oh. 19 00:01:16,980 --> 00:01:18,220 What's the matter, sugar? 20 00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:22,400 Well, I guess I'm just jealous, that's all. 21 00:01:22,620 --> 00:01:23,620 How come? 22 00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:28,460 Well, it's just that every Sunday I watch you Winslows put -put off the 23 00:01:28,460 --> 00:01:29,460 in your gremlin. 24 00:01:30,660 --> 00:01:33,320 And, well, I wish I could tag along. 25 00:01:34,460 --> 00:01:36,120 Doesn't your family go to church? 26 00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:40,760 Oh, no. My parents' Sunday routine hasn't varied since they were juniors at 27 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:45,860 You see, we all get up at dawn and do the New York Times crossword puzzle in 28 00:01:45,860 --> 00:01:46,860 ink. 29 00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:52,380 Then we hop on over to the behavioral sciences lab for an hour -long soak in 30 00:01:52,380 --> 00:01:53,560 sensory deprivation tank. 31 00:01:55,120 --> 00:02:00,060 Well, now, Steve, you are more than welcome to come to church with us, and 32 00:02:00,060 --> 00:02:01,600 can sit right next to me. 33 00:02:02,060 --> 00:02:03,039 In a pew? 34 00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:04,040 With you? 35 00:02:04,620 --> 00:02:05,620 Will do. 36 00:02:09,100 --> 00:02:11,400 Maybe I didn't make myself clear. 37 00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:14,200 We are late for church! 38 00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:16,160 Let's go now! 39 00:02:20,180 --> 00:02:24,040 Good news, everybody. 40 00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:26,980 Steve is coming with us. 41 00:02:28,920 --> 00:02:30,400 Come on, Judy, change the dress. 42 00:02:41,550 --> 00:02:47,970 It's a rare condition this day and age to read any good news on the newspaper 43 00:02:47,970 --> 00:02:53,970 page. The love and tradition of the grand design, some people say, is even 44 00:02:53,970 --> 00:02:55,390 harder to find. 45 00:02:56,530 --> 00:03:02,390 Well, then there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls. 46 00:03:03,710 --> 00:03:10,250 Because all I see is a tower of dreams, real love bursting out of everything. 47 00:03:28,700 --> 00:03:35,360 This room for you, room for me, for gentle hearts and opportunity. 48 00:04:13,710 --> 00:04:14,710 We'll be right back. 49 00:04:43,150 --> 00:04:46,110 usually shout out amen or hallelujah. 50 00:04:46,370 --> 00:04:49,770 Oh, thanks for telling me I was just about to start the wave. 51 00:04:52,710 --> 00:04:54,090 My, my, my. 52 00:04:54,310 --> 00:04:58,310 The walls of this old church are vibrating with good music today. 53 00:05:20,430 --> 00:05:22,290 Carry on. Thank you. 54 00:05:23,150 --> 00:05:29,870 As you all know, Sister Franford, our former choir director, has decided to 55 00:05:29,870 --> 00:05:32,410 pursue her musical career full -time. 56 00:05:32,790 --> 00:05:33,790 Oh, yeah! 57 00:05:34,050 --> 00:05:35,050 Amen. 58 00:05:35,630 --> 00:05:38,230 Singing back up to ZZ Top. 59 00:05:39,810 --> 00:05:46,390 Our new choir director will be Sister Rachel Cross. 60 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:56,760 I'll think about it and get back to you. But Gospel Sunday is only two weeks 61 00:05:56,760 --> 00:05:57,760 away. I accept. 62 00:05:57,940 --> 00:06:02,520 And I promise that this year's Gospel Sunday will be the most fun day. 63 00:06:02,700 --> 00:06:06,040 Excellent. I will lead this choir to new heights of perfection. 64 00:06:06,280 --> 00:06:10,260 Wonderful. I publicly pledge in front of this entire congregation that I will 65 00:06:10,260 --> 00:06:11,480 leave no stone unturned. 66 00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:13,580 Yeah. We get the picture. 67 00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:21,540 Now, as I look out upon the congregation, it makes me feel happy. 68 00:06:22,060 --> 00:06:23,700 to see a few new faces. Yes. 69 00:06:24,020 --> 00:06:30,780 So if anyone feels a need to speak within their heart, stand up and 70 00:06:35,780 --> 00:06:42,720 Young man, I take it you have something to say. Yes, your pastorship. 71 00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:47,500 Pastor people, regular people. 72 00:06:48,680 --> 00:06:51,420 My name is Stephen Q. Urkel. 73 00:06:53,900 --> 00:06:56,420 Felt like there was something missing in my life. 74 00:06:56,720 --> 00:07:02,060 Now I know it seems like I've got everything going for me. Intelligence. 75 00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:05,780 Killer good looks. 76 00:07:06,340 --> 00:07:09,440 And a wonderful woman who's wild about me. 77 00:07:09,980 --> 00:07:10,980 Touching, sorry. 78 00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:18,360 But today I've learned that those things were merely foolish props. 79 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,720 tries to cover the baldness of his head with that mail -order rug. 80 00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:35,620 It's about time somebody pointed that out. 81 00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:39,700 I was looking for love, Karen, and jokes. 82 00:07:40,700 --> 00:07:44,000 Well, this place is chock full of those things. 83 00:07:45,260 --> 00:07:52,240 So, I'm happy to say that a few minutes ago, I opened my heart 84 00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:53,960 and invited the Lord in. 85 00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:55,200 Well, amen! 86 00:07:57,200 --> 00:07:58,099 This is it. 87 00:07:58,100 --> 00:07:59,320 This is what it is. 88 00:08:29,290 --> 00:08:31,630 What do you say after choir rehearsal? 89 00:08:32,270 --> 00:08:34,830 You, me, movie? 90 00:08:35,610 --> 00:08:38,130 You, me, never. 91 00:08:42,070 --> 00:08:44,270 Eddie, you couldn't pick up a girl if she had handles. 92 00:08:46,890 --> 00:08:47,890 Hi, everybody. 93 00:08:48,490 --> 00:08:49,490 Oh, hi, Carl. 94 00:08:49,950 --> 00:08:50,950 What's in the box? 95 00:08:51,190 --> 00:08:53,390 Oh, um, just a hat. 96 00:08:54,930 --> 00:08:56,330 Is that a present for Rachel? 97 00:08:57,250 --> 00:08:58,250 Maybe, maybe not. 98 00:08:58,920 --> 00:09:00,320 Are you trying to get the big solo? 99 00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:03,120 Maybe, maybe not. 100 00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:06,560 Carl Winslow, you're sucking up. 101 00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:08,120 Yeah, so? 102 00:09:08,300 --> 00:09:10,560 Well, it's sneaky, underhanded, and dishonest. 103 00:09:11,180 --> 00:09:12,180 Hi, Harriet. 104 00:09:12,220 --> 00:09:15,940 Hey, thanks for the new necklace. It must have cost you a fortune. 105 00:09:19,180 --> 00:09:22,420 All right, everyone, coffee break is over. Can we check our places, please? 106 00:09:24,740 --> 00:09:28,140 Oh, Rachel, Rachel, un momento, s 'il vous plaît. 107 00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:31,580 Steve, what are you doing here? 108 00:09:31,840 --> 00:09:34,620 Well, I'd like to join the choir if it's okay with you, Rachel. 109 00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:37,960 Well, I suppose. Why don't you squeeze in there with the tenors? Okay, 110 00:09:37,980 --> 00:09:47,500 everyone, 111 00:09:47,700 --> 00:09:49,460 we'll start with Oh, Happy Day. 112 00:10:03,850 --> 00:10:04,850 Hyena hootenanny. 113 00:10:06,130 --> 00:10:09,570 Steve, perhaps I was a little hasty. Why don't you step forward and sing for me, 114 00:10:09,590 --> 00:10:10,630 please? Oh, certainly, Charles. 115 00:10:12,310 --> 00:10:13,690 Oh, happy day! 116 00:10:15,570 --> 00:10:17,090 Oh, happy day! 117 00:10:17,770 --> 00:10:20,210 Steve? Oh, happy day! 118 00:10:21,030 --> 00:10:22,030 Steve? 119 00:10:25,190 --> 00:10:26,510 It's not a happy day, Steve. 120 00:10:26,970 --> 00:10:27,970 Oh, 121 00:10:28,570 --> 00:10:31,370 you're way off key. Let's see if a pitch pipe will help you, okay? 122 00:10:31,570 --> 00:10:32,710 Why don't you try this? 123 00:10:33,150 --> 00:10:34,150 Okay, here we go. 124 00:10:37,990 --> 00:10:39,890 Steve, you're not listening, honey. Listen to it now. 125 00:10:43,070 --> 00:10:44,690 Steve, listen to it. 126 00:10:49,730 --> 00:10:50,730 Steve, 127 00:10:54,250 --> 00:10:55,850 we have a major problem here. 128 00:10:56,250 --> 00:10:57,990 Maybe you could come back when your voice has changed. 129 00:10:59,050 --> 00:11:00,050 It already did. 130 00:11:04,680 --> 00:11:08,860 Steve, I'm sorry, but Gospel Sunday is very important, and I just can't let you 131 00:11:08,860 --> 00:11:09,860 be in the choir. 132 00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:12,500 Rachel, Rachel, Rachel, Rachel. 133 00:11:13,220 --> 00:11:14,640 He just joined. 134 00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:15,920 Give him a chance. 135 00:11:16,340 --> 00:11:22,120 Excuse me, but will everyone who is directing this choir please raise their 136 00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:23,120 baton? 137 00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:31,200 Well, that's settled. Now, Steve, your hymnal, please. 138 00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:35,160 Okay. 139 00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:37,260 Now, look, I know we've been rehearsing this song for six hours, but it's losing 140 00:12:37,260 --> 00:12:38,260 its freshness. 141 00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:40,540 Yeah, people, let's perk it up. 142 00:12:43,560 --> 00:12:44,760 Marge. Yes? 143 00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:49,700 Just sing from your diaphragm, not your sinuses. 144 00:12:50,740 --> 00:12:54,380 And, Brother Spencer, slap some polygrip on those choppers. 145 00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:57,280 Sound like a pair of castanets. 146 00:12:57,640 --> 00:13:00,860 Rachel, zip it, Harriet. We got work to do here. 147 00:13:02,570 --> 00:13:07,790 now once more, and this time, see if you can follow my baton. 148 00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:36,160 86 that too. 149 00:13:37,460 --> 00:13:42,760 Rachel, you can't do that. I bought you a hat. 150 00:13:43,380 --> 00:13:47,400 I can do whatever I want, Mr. Winslow, because I am the choir director. 151 00:13:48,460 --> 00:13:49,700 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. 152 00:13:50,300 --> 00:13:54,880 Problem? If Tom's not singing the solo, then who is? 153 00:13:55,960 --> 00:14:01,140 Well, I am. Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. 154 00:14:01,660 --> 00:14:04,540 Now look, Marge and I have the best voice. 155 00:14:05,160 --> 00:14:07,160 So I flipped a coin, and I won. 156 00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:09,800 Hey, now look. 157 00:14:10,740 --> 00:14:14,760 I am in charge here. That is why I have the baton. 158 00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:10,100 get so good at checkers? 159 00:15:10,380 --> 00:15:13,100 Practice. Fortunately, when I was young, I had no friends. 160 00:15:15,980 --> 00:15:19,100 Steve, did you tell your parents that you went to church? 161 00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:20,440 Oh, yeah. 162 00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:21,720 How'd they take it? 163 00:15:22,340 --> 00:15:26,340 You see, my father demanded to know how with my scientific training, I could 164 00:15:26,340 --> 00:15:27,259 believe in God. 165 00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:29,740 After all, I can't touch, see, or feel him. 166 00:15:30,020 --> 00:15:36,180 But I pointed out that I can't touch, see, or feel an Adam either, but I 167 00:15:36,180 --> 00:15:37,079 it exists. 168 00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:38,080 You're right. 169 00:15:38,350 --> 00:15:39,510 That's what we call faith. 170 00:15:42,910 --> 00:15:44,650 Hi. Oh, hi, sugar. 171 00:15:45,670 --> 00:15:46,670 Where is everybody? 172 00:15:46,950 --> 00:15:47,950 They went out to dinner. 173 00:15:48,570 --> 00:15:49,570 Why didn't you go? 174 00:15:50,210 --> 00:15:54,590 Well, Harry called and I drew straws to find out who would stay to have a little 175 00:15:54,590 --> 00:15:55,990 heart -to -heart talk with you. 176 00:15:56,990 --> 00:15:57,990 And you won. 177 00:15:58,390 --> 00:16:00,330 Won, lost, what's the difference? 178 00:16:02,310 --> 00:16:04,190 Rachel, sit over here, sweetheart. 179 00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:13,460 you been acting as choir director? 180 00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:16,520 Yes. 181 00:16:17,100 --> 00:16:19,660 Well, knock it off. 182 00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:21,980 Excuse me? 183 00:16:22,920 --> 00:16:27,780 Rachel, the good Lord doesn't care if his praises are sung off key. 184 00:16:28,860 --> 00:16:32,080 As long as it's sung straight from the heart. 185 00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:36,800 You're right. 186 00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:40,640 And Steve, I shouldn't have kicked you out of the choir. 187 00:16:41,610 --> 00:16:42,810 Look on the bright side. 188 00:16:43,110 --> 00:16:46,190 You just saved me the trouble of quitting later on with all the others. 189 00:16:48,290 --> 00:16:51,330 I guess I had that coming. 190 00:16:51,790 --> 00:16:53,650 Oh, I really messed up. 191 00:16:54,390 --> 00:16:57,830 Gospel Sunday is in two days and the choir won't even talk to me. 192 00:16:58,070 --> 00:17:00,810 Well, apologize to them. Maybe they'll forgive you. 193 00:17:01,610 --> 00:17:03,250 Not after the way I acted. 194 00:17:03,990 --> 00:17:09,190 Rachel, just before you came in, Steve and I were discussing faith. 195 00:17:11,849 --> 00:17:17,930 It seems to me you should apologize to the choir and have faith 196 00:17:17,930 --> 00:17:19,930 they will forgive you. 197 00:17:21,650 --> 00:17:23,630 But what if they don't forgive me? 198 00:17:24,109 --> 00:17:25,770 Then you'll have to leave town. 199 00:17:31,670 --> 00:17:38,270 And as God tells us in Psalm 95, verse 1, 200 00:17:38,410 --> 00:17:40,190 let us... 201 00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:41,860 Sing unto the Lord. 202 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:48,660 Let us make a joyful noise to the rocks of our salvation. 203 00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:53,680 But we're not going to do that today. 204 00:17:55,340 --> 00:17:57,720 Gospel Sunday has been canceled. 205 00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:01,160 Plays got changed. 206 00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:03,820 Things got switched. 207 00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:05,880 People had... 208 00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:07,320 Obligations. 209 00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:09,540 Pastor Peebles. Yes, Rachel. 210 00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:14,820 If I may, I think the congregation deserves to hear the truth. 211 00:18:15,140 --> 00:18:16,140 Please. 212 00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:28,620 Folks, the reason Gospel Sunday was canceled is because the choir quit. 213 00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:37,200 And the reason the choir quit was because the moment I became choir 214 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:38,780 started acting like a jerk. Amen. 215 00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:46,120 I got a swelled head and I started picking on people and just 216 00:18:46,120 --> 00:18:47,580 bossing everyone around. 217 00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:55,960 I'm truly sorry. And I just hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me. 218 00:18:58,220 --> 00:18:59,220 Rachel. 219 00:19:00,460 --> 00:19:01,460 Yes? 220 00:19:02,500 --> 00:19:07,900 Put your hand in the hand of the man who steal the water. 221 00:19:10,100 --> 00:19:15,580 Put your hand in the hand of the man that comes to save. 222 00:19:17,980 --> 00:19:20,420 Take a look at yourself. 223 00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:31,080 By putting your hand in the hand of the man from Galilee 224 00:19:59,310 --> 00:20:01,570 in the hands of the man who can. 15889