Original subtitles

Come on and ease on down, ease on down the road.

Come on and ease on down, ease on down the road.

Don't you carry nothing that might be a load.

Come on, ease on down, ease on down, down the road.

Come on and ease on down, ease on down the road.

Come on and ease on down.

Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum. What might be right for

you may not be right.

Everybody's got a special kind of story.

Everybody finds a way to shine.

It don't matter that you got...

Different strokes to the...

important. Oh, then it must be the spinning bow tie.

Oh, Dad, it's something that's going to make you a happy man.

Roach spray.

I didn't know I had roaches.

No, Dad. Remember that lecture you gave me about earning my own money? Well, I'm

going to sell this door to door.

I didn't think you were paying much attention during that lecture.

I wasn't.

Till you mentioned about cutting off my allowance.

I got the sharp pain in my wallet.

That's when I decided to go into business.

Make big bucks overnight and kill bugs.

Oh, yes, the matchbook millionaire scheme.

Pretty soon I'll be able to afford that Santa Fe Express train set.

Always a kidder.

Well, I'm very proud of you, Arnold.

I know when Willis sold door -to -door, he found it to be a great experience,

didn't you, son? That's right, Dad. It helped teach me how to manage my money.

You know, so far, I've managed to spend it all on women.

I got the Watson twins waiting for me now.

You? Twins?

That's got to be two, two, two dogs in one.

Well, I can't wait to get out. there and start making my fortune.

You know, Arnold, since cockroaches bother everybody, you should do very

But I don't want you to go outside of this building.

Don't worry, Dad.

I'll be a millionaire by the time I work up to the 30th floor.

Boy, Arnold, selling sounds like a lot of fun.

Can I help?

Okay, Sam.

But just remember, I'm the boss. So when I say jump, you jump.

Oh, Sam, you look so cute.

I'm a roach. You call it cute?

Oh, Sam, that is really cute.

I'm not cute.

Mr. Drummond, I made that outfit for him out of that old brown suit of yours you

were going to give away.

You weren't?

I guess I was.

It's a shame that Maggie had to go to San Francisco to that exercise

Yes, every mother longs to see her child in his first rope suit.

I know how happy it made my mom.

Well, Dad, what do you think of my sales gimmick?

Super, Arnold, just super. I don't think I could turn it down. I expect Sam to

do for me what McNuggets did for McDonald's.

You'll have your own golden arches and a sign that says over 45 billion roaches

killed.

Well, come on, Sam. It's time to viscer out into that buggy.

What's the master at work, Sam?

Hi, ma 'am. We're so... Hi.

Hi.

Grr, I'm Richie the Roach.

You are?

Well, you're the first roach I've ever seen I didn't want to step on.

If you want to do some greedy cheat pitching.

Then sink your fingers into one of these chubby champions.

Wow.

Arnold, what about the bug spray?

What bug spray?

Would you like to buy a can of bug spray, lady? Only two dollars.

Anything for you, cutie pie.

You can call me Harvey.

Nice to meet you, Harvey.

Oh, man, I feel like Will Chamberlain.

We're selling roach spray.

That's right. It's called Slim.

Would you like to buy a can?

Roach spray?

No, I don't think so.

How about half a can?

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For I've never seen this much money.

Yep. I think my piggy bank's off his diet for a while.

Hey, guys.

I found the money wrappers that you wanted.

But from the looks of things, you moguls are going to need a vault.

You know, Mr. D, pretty soon we'll be so rich that you can quit your job.

Thank you, Sam, but I enjoy working.

It gives me something to do between tennis games.

Tell me the truth, Arnold.

Don't you get a great satisfaction from earning your own money?

Yep, and I'm going to get even a greater satisfaction from spending it.

Well, that's a start, Arnold.

This is great, Arnold. I think I'm going to buy one of those radio -controlled

submarines with my half.

Your half?

Yeah, and then I think I want to get one of those... Wait a minute, Sam.

Don't plan on buying anything yet with your half, because there is no...

Your hat.

But I didn't have to work.

It doesn't matter, Sam.

I put up all the money and took all the risk.

But I invented the car.

Sorry, Sam.

I'm the boss and I get all the profits.

Here.

A dollar?

Too much.

Arnold, you're not a very nice person.

Keep your money. I quit.

I'm going to start my own road spray business and make lots of money.

Lots. I'm talking maybe even 20 bucks.

You up against me?

Don't even try it.

I'll crush you like a bug. Oh, yeah?

Yeah. Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Well, Sam, I see that you're all set.

Yep. I'm going to sell tons of road spray and pay you back every cent for

helping me get started.

Cross my heart.

I'm sure that you will, Sam, but I just wish that you and Arnold would quit

fighting. It's too late, Mr.

D.

No, Sam, but a little time will take care of that.

Hey! Hey!

Take that costume off. That was my idea.

Oh, yeah?

But your idea's in my size.

Take it off. You're giving roaches a bad name.

Now stop it.

If you two don't stop fighting, I'm going to see that there's a new version

Death of a Salesman.

All right, Dad.

But he's not selling on my turf. The pigeons in this building are mine.

Fine. You can have the pigeons.

I want the people.

I'll tell you what. Arnold, you take the even floors. Sam, you take the odd

ones.

Odd floors and you, Sam, get the connection.

That's it. Put up your dupes. Sam.

Put down your dupes.

Now, look, boys, fighting is not the answer.

You should be able to work this out through friendly competition.

Now, I want you both to go out there and sell.

And may the best salesman win.

All right, Dad. Come on, Sam.

Just remember, you're odd floors and I'm even floors.

And the elevator is fair game.

Fair enough. And may the best brother win.

Make it snappy, would you, kid? I'm watching the football game.

Hey, must be some game.

Some game?

What, are you crazy?

It stinks.

Those bums can't run, they can't throw, they can't block, they can't find a

stadium.

Hey, sir, it's only a game. Only a game?

Only a game. I lost my shirt betting on a game.

Those bums wiped me out.

I took in one dollar, and that was from a lady who paid me to go away.

Oh, don't worry.

Your luck will turn around, Arnold.

It's the spirit of the competition that counts.

Yeah, the how many doesn't matter.

It does to me. How many?

One.

Sure,

Sam. Big shot.

You had it easy.

You got to sell to the odd floors.

Well, listen, you both worked very hard, and you should both be proud of

yourselves. But I did a better job, so I should be prouder. Right, Mr. D?

Well... Oh, great. You're on his side.

No, no, I'm not. You're on his side. Sam, no.

They really got you squirming, huh, Dad?

I'm not squirming, and I'm not on anybody's side.

Now, Arnold, you must remember that you both agreed to go to your separate ways,

and you just have to live with the consequences.

Of course you could agree to join forces again.

Are you kidding? I love my consequences.

Don't worry, Dad. I'm just in a slump.

Before you know it, Sam will be eating Arnold Jackson's dust.

Well, I'm not going to tell you what to do, but I think you're both acting very

foolishly.

At this rate, if I keep acting foolish, I'll be a millionaire.

Usually the spray for red ants would work on him.

Got some bad news for you, Sam, so don't start crying or anything.

I'm not taking you to the Jets game.

No problem.

Why aren't you crying?

Because I'm not surprised.

You're broke.

And you haven't taken me anywhere this week. Not to the movies, not to the

arcade.

Nowhere.

Those are small potatoes.

I'm talking the Jets game.

We've been playing it for months. Now I want to see some emotion.

You will.

You ready to go, Sam?

I hired Wilson to take me to the Jets game.

Say what?

What? What? You traitor!

How could you?

There's your emotion.

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At 1030.

Hey, thanks for taking me to the game, Sam.

Thanks for going with me. Sure.

Here.

Hey, a tip?

with 60 ,000 people with your babysitter.

Well, it beats sitting home all night not counting your money.

You know, I'm kind of surprised they let you in the stadium without your high

chair. Take that back!

I'm sorry.

I meant your play tent.

Now, what's going on here?

Sam's being a brat.

Arnold's being a doofus.

All right.

Now, what did I tell you? This fighting has got to stop.

I thought you'd be able to settle this between you, but apparently it's getting

worse. Well, it's all Sam's fault. He was too greedy.

Arnold tried to cheat me.

All right, both of you sit down over here.

You're always getting me into trouble.

All this talk about... Fighting over money reminds me when I was a young man

starting out in business.

I had a partner once.

And like you guys, we had a big fight over money.

Neither one of us would budge an inch. We argued something awful.

Eventually, we split up.

Now, I didn't realize it at the time.

Until later.

But I not only lost a partner.

I lost a pretty good friend.

Did you ever see him again?

From time to time.

You see, he was my father.

Your father?

Really?

Were you ever friends again?

Well, years later we patched it up, but it was never really the same.

Boy, Dad, that's really sad.

That couldn't happen to Arnold and me.

Could it?

It could.

If you let things go too far, I think you better both just give that some

thought.

So?

Yeah. So?

Maybe Dad's right. Maybe fighting over money is dumb.

Especially me, I have nothing to fight over.

Me too. That football game cleaned me out.

Willis ate everything in sight.

Well, at least you had a good time though, right?

It would have been better if you were there. I mean, no one can holler at the

quarterback like you, Arnold.

All part of being a Jet fan, my boy.

But you know what would even be better than a football game?

Let's go back into business together.

What do you say, partner?

50 -50?

20 -80.

All right.

60 -40.

48 -52?

Okay, Sam, okay.

50 -50. Partner!

Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum What might be right for

you?

Nothing but the cheap and they got different strokes to take.

Different strokes to take.

Different strokes to move the world if it doesn't take.

Different strokes to move the world.

Hey,

Mal. Let me get some ice, man. I hurt my foot.

I thought you hurt your arm. I did, but when Tim was rapping it, it stepped on

my damn foot.

I don't often see feet. Sorry, Eddie.

I'm going to get some ice, man.

Jason. Jason, can I have a word with you?

You, my friend, can have 10.

Look, I know you're new, but that customer you just served is a regular.

Oh, yeah. Gin and tonic. 4 .30 every afternoon since I've been here.

And what'd you serve him this afternoon?

Johnny Black with a twist.

Why?

Now, I come from a long line of bartenders.

Alcohol is in my blood.

Yeah. Four, I know what the customer wants better than they do.

Well, here at McGee's, we have the saying, the customer's always right.

Never catch on.

Malcolm, Eddie, guess what?

The most wonderful thing has happened.

To me, otherwise, I'm not that interested.

I just passed the written test to enroll in the police academy.

I'm going to be a cop.

Congratulations, Nicolette. When you get the uniform, can I wear the hat?

to become official?

Well, all I have to do is pass a rigorous physical training program, get

the oral exam, clear the FBI background check, and learn how to make the siren

go.

You know, something tells me, Nicolette, you won't be needing that siren.

Eddie, I was thinking, I'm gonna need to get in shape, so could I use your

garage as a gym?

Ah, no, no. How am I gonna get any work done? You coming in there with one of

them little skimpy outfits on, bending, sweating.

Fetch in.