Original subtitles

Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum. What might be right for

you may not be right for some.

One man gets born, he's a man of needs.

Then along come two. They got nothing but the genes, but they got different

strokes to take, different strokes to take, different strokes to move the

Everybody's got a special kind of story.

that you got. Not a lot.

So what?

You'll have theirs and you'll have yours and I'll have mine.

And together we'll be fine.

Different strokes to move the world. Different strokes to move the world.

Supermarket openings are almost a daily event across the United States.

But here's one that's just a little different.

Dad, when are you coming on? The news is almost over.

And the highlight of the supermarket opening.

was Harry the Wonder Horse, who entertained the crowds by ringing up the

sale.

I resent that. They think a horse is more interesting than Daddy.

Yeah, what's so smart about counting by stamping your leg?

If Dad did that, they'd say he was stupid.

That's right. I counter my fingers.

Look, look, there he is. There's Daddy. Hey, Dad, you look just like you.

got a generous start in their fundraising drive from Park Avenue

philanthropist Philip Drummond, who donated $100 ,000 and joked, this is one

time I don't mind passing the buck.

Oh.

That joke was funny when I said it. It's all in the delivery.

You better mark that joke return to sender.

Well, Daddy, you were real cute. I think you looked great.

Thank you, honey. I thought I looked rather distinguished.

Oh, I'm not really vain about those things. Did I have my hair parted too

I sure say your hairline is famous now.

The newspaper this morning, the TV tonight.

I'll bet the whole country knows you by now.

How does it feel being a celebrity?

$100 ,000 poorer.

Hello?

Yes, this is Philip Drummond.

What?

Hey, one of the guys from the club putting me on.

Hey, come on, cut that out.

You saw me on the news, right?

Very funny.

It's not meant to be funny, Drummond. Just shut up and listen.

You're a millionaire, so you better come up with a million fast and small bills.

We'll be in touch tomorrow to let you know where to make the drop.

And don't try anything stupid.

We're watching every move you make.

Hey, listen, that's a great act.

But I know that it's you, Harry.

Will you stop pulling my leg?

That's a nice blue and red tie you're wearing.

What? And you're sitting on a sofa with your three kids?

How could you possibly know that?

It's clear as crystal through the telescope of my partner's rifle.

So if you like living, you better believe me.

Okay. I believe you. Good.

We'll be in touch.

Oh, by the way, I liked your pass the buck joke.

Yeah. Yeah, wasn't that some guy from the club?

What's the matter?

Oh, nothing.

Uh, Dad?

If nothing's wrong, what happened to all the blood in your face?

You look like you just had dinner with Dracula and you were the main course.

Come on, Daddy, you can tell us. We're not babies.

No, of course you aren't, and you have a right to know.

Well...

That man that called me on the phone was asking for one million dollars.

Well, if you're passing out millions, remember, charity begins at home.

I wish it was charity.

That call was from an extortionist. An extortionist?

You mean one of those guys who can bin himself into a pretzel?

No, Arnold. Dad means the guy who's trying to blackmail him.

Now, the man is obviously some kind of nut.

But I think I better notify the police. Just be safe. Yeah, please. We don't

want anything to happen to you. Now, don't worry.

Everything's going to be all right, but we'll just take a few precautions.

And listen, I want everybody to stay away from the balcony and keep those

closed. What for?

He said that they're watching us.

They're watching us?

Gee, Daddy, that's really scary.

My name's Philip Drummond.

Well, it looks secure out there, Mr. Drummond. Tell me, is this the first

you've received an extortion threat?

Yes, it is. You didn't recognize the voice at all? I mean, there wasn't

unusual about it? Like an accent?

No. As I told you, he sounded like a perfectly normal homicidal maniac.

Man, there's sure a lot of crazies running around loose.

Yeah, the squirrels haven't buried all the nuts for the winter.

Maybe the best thing I could do is just take my family and go away for a while.

We can protect you much better in this apartment, Mr. Drummond. It would be

tougher for us if you start moving around.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Well, what do we do if that man calls back and demands the money?

I guess we'll just have to lie to him and tell him Dad went broke and he's

at a flop house sucking on muscatel and dating a bag lady.

Well, if they do call back, Mr. Drummond, I wouldn't gamble that their

are phony. I'd agree to give them the money.

A million bucks?

Then we'd all be dating bad ladies.

Look, if I give them that kind of money, I will be getting calls from every

extortionist in the country. I'll have to put in an 800 number.

On the other hand, if you don't, your life will be in danger.

Well, I guess there's only one thing I can do.

I'll cooperate and try to help you catch them. Good.

You sure got a lot of guts, Dad.

I hope you keep them.

Daddy, can't the police do this alone?

No, I'm afraid not, honey. You made the right decision, Mr. Drummond. And let us

know the minute the man calls for the money.

Oh, I certainly will.

In the meantime, I assume you can give me some kind of protection. Of course.

I'll arrange to have someone sent over. Thank you. I certainly do appreciate

that. Now, you're sure there's nothing that was said on the phone that you may

remember that may give us a clue?

Nope. Oh, wait a minute. Yes, he did say that he liked my pass the buck joke.

As you can see, we're obviously dealing with a very sick man.

Well, I'll be going now, Mr. Drummond. And remember, let me know if you think

anything. You have my card, and please give me a call. Okay, thank you very

for coming. I appreciate it.

I'll see you to the elevator.

Listen, I don't want to worry you more than necessary, but those guys may have

some ideas about your kids, too. Yeah, I have already thought of that.

Don't let them out of your sight and keep them right here in the apartment.

That's exactly what I intend to do.

We'll be in touch.

Okay, thank you very much, Detective.

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All set, Mr. Drummond.

From now on, there's literally no way anyone can walk through that door

setting off your new alarm.

Uh,

would you be offended if I asked you for a louder alarm?

Sorry, I forgot to turn it on.

Silly me.

What's going on here? I've decided to put in a security system, Pearl.

You take one day off and you come home to a fortress.

Did someone try to break in?

No, but I'm afraid I had a phone call from an extortionist who demanded one

million dollars.

That's terrible.

What are you going to do?

Oh, don't worry. I've notified the police. We'll have a bodyguard living in

house. A bodyguard?

This could be serious.

Especially if he's cute.

All right, Mr. Drummond. Here's how the alarm works. Just wait a minute. I want

everybody to see this.

Oh, Kimberly, would you come down and listen to this, please?

Willis, Arnold?

Yes, sir. Would you come to the living room, please?

Okay.

Mr. Philbrick is going to show us how the alarm system works, and I want

everybody to hear this. Okay. Pay attention, please. Okay.

Go ahead.

Well, you just punch in your own personal security code.

You're all set.

Now, to turn the alarm off, you punch in the code again.

What does it sound like when it goes off?

New Year's Eve.

Thanks for your business, Mr. Drummond. Thank you very much.

Good luck. Thank you. Bye -bye.

What can I say?

Happy New Year.

Well, I, for one, feel a lot better with that alarm in. Me too. Dad, when are

those guys supposed to call about their money?

Today, they said, but they didn't give me a time.

Oh, by the way, I know this is a weekend and each of you have places you'd like

to go.

But I want everybody to stay right here in this house.

Oh, don't worry, Dad.

I'm putting that alarm on just to go to the bathroom.

Who's there?

Detective Henson sent me.

Are you Phil Drummond?

Yes, I am. I've been assigned to you.

You?

You are my bodyguard?

I'm not the Avon lady.

Hey,

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Forgive me for staring, but...

You're a woman.

I'm a lot of woman.

You can say that again, honey.

May I introduce you to my family, Miss... You heard of Mr. T?

I'm Mrs. Z.

These are my children, Kimberly, Willis, and Arnold. Mrs.

Z. Can I ask what the Z stands for? No.

Gotcha.

T.

I've never heard of a woman bodyguard before.

What made you decide to become one? I like working with people.

I especially like working people over.

I don't mean to offend you, but I am a little concerned about having a

that's a woman.

What's wrong with women?

Nothing, nothing. I love them. I love them.

I think Dad needs a bodyguard to protect him from this bodyguard.

Clemson filled me in.

Now, first of all, I want to know the layout of this place. Okay, well, we

installed alarms on all the windows and all the doors. Yeah, and over there

behind those closed drapes is the balcony.

I didn't think it was Monty Hall in Let's Make a Deal.

What's in there?

Oh, this is the door to my den.

This is the only entry to this room.

And right over here...

It's the powder room, if you'd like to check that out.

What about the phone?

Has it been checked for a tap?

No, it hasn't.

This is a very dangerous instrument.

The phone almost killed my husband.

How is that possible?

I caught him calling another woman.

That's one tough lady.

I'd hate to get her dander up.

I wouldn't go near her dander with a ten -foot pole.

Is everything okay? I'm not crazy about the wallpaper.

What's that door?

Oh, that's the door to the kitchen.

I hope you like that wallpaper better.

Mr. Drummond, I... Help!

She's okay.

Okay.

She's clean.

A simple hello would have handled it.

I'm sorry, Pearl, but this is our new bodyguard, Mrs. Z. I'm afraid she just

overreacted. What do you mean? She was carrying a knife.

Assassin's come in all shapes, even butterball.

I resent that.

You do?

I didn't say a lot.

Quit thinking, Pearl.

Mr. Drummond?

Mr. Drummond?

When I was at the supermarket, someone must have slipped this into my bag. I

just cleaning the vegetables and found it stuck to the rutabaga.

What's it say, Daddy?

It says, we want the money in small bills in a plain suitcase.

We'll call before noon tomorrow to let you know where we want it delivered.

Dad, they must be watching us all the time.

I'm sure they're not going to do anything, at least until we've talked

money. In any case, we've got the alarm system, we've got Mrs. Z.

By the way, Pearl, you'll have to arrange a place for Mrs. Z to sleep.

Don't bother.

This chair will be just fine.

I sleep sitting up with one eye open at all times.

Wish I could learn to do that in math class.

I'd still flunk, but at least I'd be rested.

all this trouble dad's in yeah i keep thinking about what could happen to him

those crooks found out he was trying to trick him with that funny money i'm glad

you're up couldn't sleep either i was too worried about daddy yeah so are we i

wish he'd just stay out of this and let the police handle it that's what they're

supposed to be doing when they're not selling tickets to the policeman's ball

hey listen guys i appreciate your concern but really you should all be

daddy we can't sleep. We don't want you to go through with this thing.

Oh, but I have to.

Just look what those thugs are doing to us.

Alarms on all the doors and the windows. A bodyguard right here in the house.

We're prisoners in our own home.

People shouldn't have to live like this. I have to do whatever I can to try to

put a stop to it.

You know something, Dad? You're really brave.

Stubborn, but brave.

We understand, Daddy. We're behind you all the way.

Right. When the chips are down...

This family isn't afraid of anybody.

That's not right. Break it up. Get to bed.

Yes, ma 'am. Good night.

Well,

it is now ten minutes before noon.

Maybe the extortionists aren't going to call. Oh, they'll call, all right. They

know they've got a very rich fish on the line.

Yeah, but they don't know that this fish is Jaws.

Anyone care for more coffee? Yes. Thank you, Pearl. I would.

You can bring some more sandwiches.

And make them bigger this time.

If she keeps eating like that, it'll be cheaper to pay off the extortionist.

Hello?

Yes, this is Philip Drummond.

What's that?

You would?

All right.

What is it, Dad? What did he want you to do? I have no idea. It's Mrs. Z's

husband.

He says he wants to speak to the little woman.

Tell Sweetie I'll call him later. I'm busy guarding bodies.

She said, tell Sweetie I'll call him later. I'm busy guarding bodies.

I'm one of them.

Yeah, I'll tell her.

You keep the faith, too.

He says he misses his little poopsie.

Some little poopsie.

That must be the man from the armored car service. Told it. Maybe it is and

maybe it isn't.

Man, that sure was smart of Dad to hire the armored car to bring the fake money.

Yeah, that's sure to make the cooks think it's real.

It better or I'll be little orphan Arnold.

Okay, let him in.

I'm sorry about that.

Are you from Intersecurity?

Oh, that's right. Well, please come in then.

Right in here.

Oh, man.

Oh, wait.

Man, that sure looks real. Well, the top ones are real. It's the rest of them

that are fake.

Oh, man, you sure could fool me.

But I guess it's because my eyes water and I get all emotional over this much

green.

Gee, they'll fool me too, Daddy. This is like a fortune.

Like a super monopoly game.

Only someone's going directly to jail without passing go or collecting a

bucks.

Yes?

Yes, speaking.

We saw the armored car downstairs.

You got the money, huh?

That's right.

Where do you want it? Put it in a suitcase and take it to Kennedy Airport,

Switzerland. Buy one ticket to Geneva, then check the suitcase through on

201. You got it?

I got it.

Go along.

And no tricks, Drummond. Your life depends on it. You dig?

I dig. And I sure don't want anybody else to start digging.

Where's the drop gonna be?

Kennedy Airport.

Air Switzerland.

Check it through to Geneva Flight 201.

Probably got a man planted at Kennedy. They'll try to take it right off the

conveyor belt. See you down there. And don't worry, Mr. Drummond. We'll get you

covered. I'll be there too, honey. So just dry your sweaty little palm.

I don't know why, but I'm not as nervous as I thought I'd be at a time like

this. I wish I could say that.

If this keeps up, I'll be living proof of the trickle -down theory.

What in the world is that?

It's a helicopter. It sounds like it's trying to get in the building.

I'll handle it. This is the part I love.

with the money and hook it onto the table I'm dropping.

Double -cross!

That whole switch -on thing must have gotten rid of the cops!

But they didn't get rid of me!

and I want to thank you very much for all your help.

Okay, goodbye.

Well, those guys won't be bothering anybody else for at least the next 10 to

years. Good.

Great. Glad you're behind bars. I bet they quiver every time they make a

plate with a Z on it.

I'll never forget Mrs. Z. No way. It's not every day you get to see somebody

wrestle a helicopter and win.

Well, Daddy, it just goes to show you sometimes the right man for a job is a

woman.

You know, I sure learned something about having money.

It can bring you problems.

I learned something else about money.

It sure takes the sting out of being poor.

As long as we make the movie on time, she knows Denzel is the finest brother

the planet.

Oh?

Over 40 category.

Only under 40 type.

I knew I liked you for a reason.

Mile, I gotta hand it to you. Your new woman is all that.

Eddie's right. I can't find one thing wrong with her, and you know I tried.

Well, if the labor passes the Nicolette test, then she's definitely a keeper.

Oh, neat, Eddie.

Now you... Got a good thing going on there.

Well, thank you, Ed. And thank you for running the club tonight. Oh, man, don't

mention it. You go have a good time and don't do nothing I wouldn't do.

Ed, you do things Dennis Rodman wouldn't do.

Yeah, he's a wannabe.

And you've got... Hi, Eddie!

Your little side chick.

Isn't it quite funny, Bob?

They're just going to leave you alone while you sit inside your home.

Clippers even bother to show up.

You can get seats right next to the place. On the bench.

Hi.

Hey, Cindy.

I'm Mindy. Oh, well, I took a shot.

Hey,

what's up, girls?

We were lonely.

Y 'all twins, you always got somebody to talk to.

Oh, we were lonely for you.

Say that again.

We were lonely for you.

Uh, stereo.

Excuse me, guys.

Uh, Brother Margo, me and the ladies, you know.

You know, you don't mind, you know.

Leaving?

You do know.

Hey, I was really looking forward to some peace and quiet tonight, dude.

Man, why don't you hook up with Helena?

Because she's having a girl's night out.

So you're leaving?

You know, roomie, part of our arrangement was that we don't spring

thing on each other at the last minute.

Take my credit card. I'll be at the Ritz Carlton.

Ordering lots of food.

Yes,

indeed. See you later, Mindy. I'm Cindy.

Yeah.

It would have been nicer if he didn't have to.

No, no, no. What, you want him to stay with us?

Girl, that's just freaky.

No, I mean, it would be nice if we had our own place.

The three of us. Yeah, that's a great idea.

Would your father allow that?

Well, why not?