Original subtitles

That's all mine. I'm bonafide qualified to have a hot damn time to listen.

Get the picture and take a picture of me quick. See, since tomorrow I got a new

city that I'm going to hit. A double whammy. Right before I do the Grammy, I

it through a Pup Daddy way out in South Miami. I'm only in town for a night.

But when I'm with them in the crowd, we can hide. And everybody loves me. The

browns to the whites. They live like a movie, but I'm moving my life. And I'm

the light for the party. Every time I show up. I'm the light for the party.

Every time I blow up.

I'm the light for the party. Every time I show up. I'm the light for the party.

Every time I blow this.

I'm gonna roll up the switch up. But don't drink all my liquor.

You know it's all good, good, good. Give me one second, I'll post for your

picture. Like cheese, cheese, cheese, cheese, cheese, cheese.

Now everybody just freeze, freeze, freeze, freeze.

Now DJ, bring the music, please.

Count them, man.

It's about 12, 13, 14 back.

Me. Two of my homies drinking.

I see all the ballers in the house and stuff, man.

They doing it big over there, too.

But you know, man, if I wasn't here, it wouldn't be the same.

I'm the life of the party, baby.

I hope you feel the same way about yourself.

All right, Diva.

Yes, indeed.

I've had fun. Thank you guys so much for hanging out with me at the Palace of

Wax. I see Prince. You know what, Stephen Hill? This is for you, boo.

Go.

Be fabulous with Prince. Thank you guys so much for hanging out with me. Peace

and blessings to you all. I'm out.

You know, my boss is a huge fan.

Now the world don't move.

You don't need just one drum.

What might be right for you may not be right for some. A man is born. He's a

of need.

Then along come two.

They got nothing but the gene. But they got different strokes to take. Different

strokes to take. Different strokes to move the world.

Everybody's got a special kind of story.

Everybody finds a way to shine.

No matter that you got not a lot. So what? I'll have yours and I'll have

mine. And together we'll be fine. Different strokes to move the world.

strokes to move the world.

I got it. I'm expecting a phone call.

I'm expecting a call, too.

Do you mind?

Hi, there.

Arnold here.

Yes, it is.

Just a moment.

It's for Dad.

Dad! Dad!

What's up?

Long, this is a phone call for you. Oh, okay.

It's, uh, Colette. Tell him I'm not here.

Okay, but it's from Holland.

Oh, that's probably Cousin Anna.

Yes, I'll accept the charges.

Hello.

Hannah.

You can come?

Marvelous. I'll arrange the plane tickets right away. It'll be wonderful

you again.

Yes, I can hear you fine. No need to shout.

Oh, you're shouting because I'm shouting.

Well, we'll talk when you get here.

Have a safe trip.

Bye.

When's she coming, Dad?

Saturday.

She's bringing her son, Hans.

They're going to be here for a week.

Oh, really? That's great, Daddy. I've never met either of my cousins. Well, we

put him, Mr. Drummond. We're wall -to -wall people here.

No problem. I'll get them a nice suite at the Waldorf.

And I know how to make them feel at home here. I'll clean the house with Dutch

cleanser.

Hey, guys. Now, this means I'm very pleased to meet you.

Hi,

gang. Hi, Daddy. Did you have a good workout?

Great. Since I started hitting those weights, I'm really encouraged.

The gym instructor said that in no time at all, I will have the body of a 12

-year -old girl.

We've only got a couple of hours before we pick up Anna and Hans. I'm going to

have a little beauty rest before I get dressed. Okay.

I'll get it.

Fair live, Anna.

For heaven's sake, you're early. We were going to pick you up.

It's not necessary. We take bosh.

Dorman is bringing suitcases.

Well, you look terrific.

Where's Hans?

Hans? Will you please don't play with elevator buttons?

Why you don't say hello to Cousin Philip?

Hello, Cousin Philip. Hello, Hans.

Come in, come in. Meet the rest of the family.

Kids?

This is Anna and Hans.

This is the family that I wrote to you about.

Kimberly, Willis, and Arnold.

Everybody looks alike.

I feel like I'm doing a double mint commercial.

Well, there does seem to be a resemblance between Kimberly and Hans.

Ah, what about you and Cousin Anna?

No, it's not true.

I think we not look like each other, right, Philip?

Of course not.

I can never get my hair to stay like that.

Well, it's nice that you're here, but we certainly didn't expect you so early.

We trade first -class tickets from you and got super shavers.

Shaver to Philip is very wasteful. Yes.

I give you money, we get back.

Oh, no, Hannah, you don't have to. Okay.

Hans, give the children gifts we bring.

Yes, Mother.

For each of you.

Spiegel sticks.

That's just what I always wanted.

The spiegel sticks.

Thank you, Hans. We love them. Yeah.

I had one once, but I lost it.

So sorry I did not for you bring one, Philip.

Oh, that's all right. I hardly ever swizzle anymore.

But I brought something.

It's good in the office.

From airplane to very nice lunch bag.

That's more like an after lunch bag.

Thank you, Anna.

I know just what to do with it.

So, you are fine and we are fine. Enough shattering.

Where we to sleep, Philip?

Oh, I reserved you a very nice suite in a lovely hotel.

More based money.

We stay here, yes?

Here? Well, we did not fly all this way to sleep with bellboys.

I'll wash up now, please.

The powder room's right over here, cousin Anna.

Such a nice girl.

And so pretty, too.

Oh, thank you.

I think you have my looks.

Hans, would you like to use the bathroom, too?

Oh, yes, please.

I thought so.

You were kind of holding your knees together.

Come on, Hans is upstairs.

If you're going up there, put the cot up.

Hans can sleep in your room. Okay, Dad.

We'll take a number to use the bathroom.

Come on.

This way.

Pearl!

Pearl!

Yes, Mr. Drummond? Pearl, we have a change of plans.

Oh? I have to make room for my cousins here.

Now, we have a spare cot in the boys' room for Hans.

Anna can sleep in Kimberly's room.

No, Kimberly only has a single bed.

Oh, right.

Well, Kimberly and Anna can sleep in my room. Then Hans can sleep in Kimberly's

room. The boys can sleep in their room. And I can sleep in a cot in your room.

No, that won't work. You can say that again.

I suppose Anna could sleep in your room.

In my room? Where am I supposed to sleep? In the sink?

Excuse me, Daddy, but didn't you already make a reservation for a suite at the

Waldorf? Now you're talking.

The Waldorf's fine with me.

I think more along the lines of the Lucky Seven Motel.

Okay, the Waldorf.

Wonderful. I'll have breakfast in bed.

Do that. With champagne and caviar.

Don't do that.

College Hill crew brings the ATL to the UK.

We were just having fun, but Drew, I don't know what is up with him. He

feel included, but he's not. Drew needs to just suck it up. Man, if you don't

shut up.

College Hill Atlanta, Tuesday at 10.

New, Clomobi has the laughing baby for yourself.

Text baby to 44644.

Text baby to 44644.

Life's easier when you have the right partner, especially with something as

tough as managing your diabetes.

That's why we created the AccuCheck Aviva system.

Starting with the AccuCheck multi -click lancing device, it has a drum with six

preloaded lancets, so you never have to see or touch a single lancet.

And it's proven to be the least painful.

It works together with the AccuCheck Aviva quick -fill strips to help you

right the first time.

In a flash, ready for a truly helpful partner. If you use insulin, call 1 -800

-585 -9191 or go to freeaviva .com to get your AccuCheck Aviva system free.

Call today and you'll also get 60 free test strips.

Together, they give you the support you need.

Call 1 -800 -585 -9191 or go online for your free AccuCheck Aviva system today.

Why wait?

Introducing new Dove Go Fresh body wash and energizing grapefruit and

lemongrass. Go Fresh.

Also available in an energizing bar.

Go from nice gut to nice

butt. Extra, the long -lasting five -calorie snack to help reshape your

lifestyle.

Thank you, love.

What did you do?

That's what he didn't do.

Safe driving bonus. Every six months of safe driving can get you money off your

renewal bill. And now Allstate will send you a check. So you have a little extra

cash to do whatever.

You deserve more from your insurance. That's Allstate, Dan.

Are you in good hands?

If you've been hurt in a car accident, a fall, or any kind of accident, you may

be entitled to money. Get the money you deserve for your injuries. Call the

Lawyers Group. Call 1 -800 -607 -2020.

The call is free. The advice is free. Call 1 -800 -607 -2020.

If you've been hurt in any kind of accident, Lawyers Group is waiting for

call. Call toll free. 1 -800 -607 -2020.

All set, Hans.

Thank you.

Tell me how it feels.

Hard. Like wood.

But it'll be fun.

You can pretend you're camping out in the wilderness.

I kind of envy you.

Good. Then you have fun and I will sleep in your bed.

How did he pull that off?

Very smoothly.

Felix!

No one should have to live in room of maid.

What's the matter with it?

It does not have bad camera. Bad camera?

Bad top?

The room has only shower?

Spritzer? I have never in my life spritzed.

Is this a water, Philip?

Oh, well, then about the only thing I can suggest on is the hotel, but I'm

you'll be very comfortable there.

No.

Here I will be very comfortable.

It's good bed, I think. Oh, I wouldn't dream of letting you sleep on the sofa.

Thank you.

Then you sleep here and I sleep in your room.

are you doing? Don't drop that. You might hit somebody in the head and hurt

them. Yeah.

Give me that.

If your mother found out what you were doing, she would use your behind for a

dartboard.

Please do not tell mother.

Okay, we won't.

Oh, thank you. You are such wonderful cousins.

How can I ever thank you?

Next time you're in town, just Bring me another swizzle, Steve.

All right, who dropped the water balloon?

Well, you see, Dad, we can explain.

I don't want to hear it.

Just tell me who dropped the balloon, and I mean right now.

Oh, I cannot lie.

Arnold did it.

Thank you, Aunt Sarah, for sending money from a bar.

Spend money within the U .S. with Western Union next day service for as

$9 .99.

Thanks for the birthday money, Aunt Sarah. I love it.

Me too.

Western Union.

You're never far apart.

Hey, want one? Sure.

Icebreaker Sours.

Whoa.

How you doing?

Mouthwatering fruit flavor so surprisingly refreshing.

Beware of spontaneous whoa.

There was no way I was going to be able to carve down a mountain with my glasses

fogging up. My best friend Michelle told me I should definitely switch to

contact. You've got to get Acuvue Oasis contact lenses. Aren't they

uncomfortable? They're awesome. You can't even feel them. The eye doctor

Acuvue Oasis has HydroClear Plus, which makes them really comfortable.

This is so cool. I told you. And now I feel like I could take on any mountain.

For a free trial pair certificate, go to Acuvue .com.

And if you have astigmatism, ask your doctor about Acuvue Advance for

Astigmatism.

New, Clomobi has the laughing baby for yourself.

Text baby to 44644. Text baby to 44644.

Now get two free webcams for your family and friends when you buy a Dell

Inspiron 1525 with built -in webcam and Intel Core 2 Duo processor for just

$699. Dell, yours is here.

Why wasn't my credit approved?

It's because of your credit report.

Your credit report is not good.

Do something about your credit. If it wasn't for your credit history... Repair

your credit today.

1 -800 -686 -4288. Remove inaccurate negative remarks from your credit report

legally. Late payments, collection accounts, charge -offs, repossessions,

deleted. 1 -800 -686 -4288. Buy that house, boat, or car at the lowest rates.

Thanks. 1 -800 -686 -4288. Call now.

Thanks. It's jumbo shrimp at Red Lobster. Come in for one of six entrees,

classic scampi to new jumbo shrimp topped with a decadent lobster butter

Starting at $11 .99 for a limited time at Red Lobster.

Need help making the right choices?

Find all the help you need at the new Better Valley.

Get the new Valley Weight Loss Guide free just for coming in and start losing

to two pounds a week right away.

It's all part of the Valley Total Results Weight Loss Program.

Start for just $19 down and only $19 a month.

At Valley, it's about exercise and nutrition.

They'll help you lose weight and keep it off with a healthy outlook and the

right workout for you.

You'll get a program designed for you based on your schedule and your food

preferences. You'll also get 24 -7 access to all their online eTools and

Bally Total Results Weight Loss Message Board. Talk to other members and get all

the support you need to start losing up to 2 pounds a week right away.

Need help making the right choices?

Call 1 -800 -FITNESS or visit BallyFitness .com.

Get your free Bally Weight Loss Guide today. Then start for just $19 down and

only $19 a month. New. Better.

Bally.

On the next Iron Ring, dipstick trials come to a close.

This is far better than boxing.

An all -new Iron Ring, Tuesday at 1030.

In high school, it was all about the front twist, the taffeta, and the

ability to cover up my acne. Now it's all about uncovering the real me.

Wasn't it enough to be preserved in my prom pictures with a clip -on tie and a

face full of acne?

Canoxal Foaming, Washing, Cleansing Bar have dermatologist -recommended

ingredients. Proven to reduce acne on the face, chest, and back.

Now it's all about the glitz and the glamour. And the company. Get real. Get

medicated Pinoxel. Brought to you by Stiefel. If condition persists, see your

dermatologist. This is an urgent message. If you or someone you love has

the OrthoEvra birth control patch and experienced side effects such as heart

attack, stroke, pulmonary embolism, blood clots in the legs or arms, deep

thrombosis, or even death, you may have a claim. If you or someone you love has

suffered a heart attack, stroke, pulmonary embolism, blood clots in the

arms, deep vein thrombosis, or even death while wearing the OrthoEver patch,

call 1 -800 -795 -5763.

I don't ever want to have to tell you that again.

No more throwing water balloons off the balcony. It is childish, stupid,

dangerous, and it is against the law.

Dad, I know what it looks like, but it's not what it looks like.

Of course it isn't. I catch you on the balcony with a water balloon.

I got hit by one. I am soaking wet, and you're innocent from lack of evidence.

I think you are all spritzed.

Daddy, what happened to you?

Your infantile brothers happened to me. They were dropping water balloons off of

the balcony.

Shame on you boys.

My hands would never do a naughty thing like that, would you, my lambkin?

Philip, why you not control your voice better?

You are too permissive with them. You may be right.

A fine example you boys are setting for your cousin.

You guys are grounded for a month.

A month?

Dad! What they need is good schtick to the hiney.

I'm holding that in reserve.

In the meantime, since you boys like water sports so much, I have a wonderful

idea.

You know what our first mistake was?

We should have saved the water balloons and thrown Hans off the balcony.

Please, Blue.

We would have had our own flying Dutchman.

You mean lying Dutchman.

I don't like this either, but I kind of feel sorry for Hans.

I mean, how would you like to have a jail warden for a mother?

We only have to put her with her for one week.

Hans is in for life.

This must be miserable.

Then you're smiling.

Then you're smiling.

The whole world smiles with you.

Poor guy is really miserable.

Oh, Gadget, I am so sorry for what happened. I would like to make it up to

Good. You can help us with the windows.

No way.

I mean, it would look suspicious if Mother saw.

Ah, we understand, Hans. Yeah, we're dripping with compassion.

I know what you can do for us, Hans.

How about getting us some nice, clean water?

That is, if you don't mind associating with known criminals.

Ah, refined but aggressive.

The same way I like my women.

You know, this bottle must be worth $100 by now.

That much?

Yeah. I think I'll let it sit for a while.

You have to let it breathe.

Let it breathe?

For a hundred bucks, I'd give it artificial respiration.

Oh, hi, Hans. Need something?

Oh, no, I was just getting some water for Phyllis and Arnold.

What a nice boy.

Yes, I am.

polishing it off?

Oh, boy.

Now I'm confused.

I will get hickory stick on honey for sure.

Oh, look out, Willis.

He's doing it again.

It was obviously an accident.

We'll just tell Dad we're going to know how it got broken. That way no one gets

hurt.

Oh, right on, Soka.

Uh,

hon, you've got to be born with it. You can't fake it.

see it happen. Me neither. And I have a witness.

Willa saw me not see it happen.

Hans?

This is true, my dad.

Arnaud did not do it.

Phyllis did it.

Say what?

Are you sure, Hans?

My dad.

I could not lie.

Hans says you did broke it, then you did broke it.

Come, Hans.

Your cushions are bad influence. I don't want you should play with them some

more. Yes, my dad.

Well, Mr. Nice Guy, what are we going to do now?

I'll just tell dad I knocked it off the table accidentally.

What? You're going to take the rap for that little backstabbing bozo?

It's no big deal.

he'll try to pin on his neck.

Oh, no, you know how important this whole visit is to Dad.

I mean, if we go and tell him about Hans, it'll spoil the whole thing.

Yeah, I guess.

But I'm gonna keep my eye on him. I'm gonna stick to him like bubble gum to a

lip.

I just hope Dad won't be too upset.

Why should he be? It's only a bottle of wine.

Well, listen, we better get some rags and start cleaning this up. Okay. Hey,

guys, listen.

About tonight, I got an idea.

Oh, no.

My wine, my beautiful wine.

Oh, Daddy, it got knocked off the counter accidentally.

By accident.

This was my last bottle of this. I waited three years to open it. Now I'll

even get to taste it.

Well, Dad, Pearl says her floors are clean enough to eat off of.

Maybe they're clean enough to lick off of, too.

this hour?

What hour is it?

5 .30.

In the morning?

Of course.

Now get up, because you're coming. Yes.

Where? For walk.

And I really have to get some more sleep.

Okay, then.

Sleep your whole life away.

I'd just like to finish last night.

Mother, I have been such a good boy. Can I play video games today?

Please? Please, Mother, just for once, please.

Well, since you have been such a good boy, here,

enjoy yourself.

Water?

Would you like change?

Thank you, Mother. You are very generous.

Well, it is holiday.

I get water for canteen.

Yes. You dingy old bag of goat cheese.

Willis! Willis!

Are you awake?

How can I sleep with your finger in my eye?

Oh, Willis. Hans is gone!

So?

Who knows what he could be into?

He could be downstairs right now carving wooden shoes out of the salad bowl.

Well, come on, let's go.

I'm going as fast as I can. Come on.

I have to tell you this, but Hans just took some money from your wallet.

Money? What money?

The bill in your pocket.

Oh, that.

My mother gave that to me to play video games. Oh, yeah, sure.

I saw you take it, Hans. I told you that money I sent you to your daddy's

wallet. I was up there.

But it's a problem.

Anna, did you give Hans some money to play video games?

Yes. Fish, I did.

Now, you see there, Dad?

Now maybe you... What you talking about, cousin?

I give Hans money for video games, but it's wrong.

Come on, Dad. We must go for a walk now.

The birds are waiting.

I don't understand. Why are you boys trying to get Hans into trouble?

What are these bad boys doing now?

Stop with the fooling.

Did they try to take away the quarter I gave you?

Quarter?

The money, Hans.

Hans, where did you get all that money?

I found it.

Yeah, but my dad hadn't lost it yet.

Hans, is that true?

Yes, my dad.

And what about the water balloons?

The bottle of wine.

Was that you, too?

Yes.

Hans, I am shocked.

What made you do such things?

The schmuck.

I know one thing that may have made him do it, Anna. You.

Me?

Yes. Hans rebels because you're so strict with him.

You try to control every part of his life. You don't even let him breathe.

I am not that bad, am I?

You're not that good.

And I'm not saying that you should let Hans run wild.

But try to be a little more understanding.

You can do more with talking than you can with beating.

I am only bringing him up the way my mother brought me up.

Well, how do you feel about her?

I hated her.

I called her stingy old bag of goat cheese.

Hans.

Do you think that way about me?

Sometimes,

Mother, but I love you.

I love you, too.

Sorry I grounded you guys, but under the circumstances, there wasn't really

anything else that I could do.

That's okay, Dad, but you always won.

Yeah, we got a free mess -up coming.

Hans, understanding and lovable, I will try to be, all right?

Then we forget about the balloon and the wine and the ten dollars?

No, babe.

I beat you good with stick for that.

Anna.

So, I use only special stick.

Might be right for you.

May not be right for some. But then it's for me. So better be.

Then along come two.

They got nothing but the genes.

And they got different strokes to take.

Different strokes to take.

Different strokes.