Original subtitles

Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum. What might be right for

you may not be right for some. One man is born, he's a man of means.

Then along come two, they got nothing but the genes. But they got different

strokes to take, different strokes to take, different strokes to take.

Hi, Willis. Hey.

You sure looked great out on the basketball court yesterday. Hey, so did

Boy, you two really set the team on fire.

Especially me.

Hey, you.

My name happens to be Lindsay.

Okay. Hey, you, Lindsay.

We're shaking with your bacon.

My bacon is none of your business. Do you mind?

Hey, what's your hurry, doll?

I'm late for class.

Well, I just wanted you to know that, uh, believe it or not, uh, I haven't

noticed you all week.

Oh, be still my heart.

Hey, I ain't kidding.

You know, the first time I seen you, my leather heated up and my sideburn

twitched. I think you're disgusting.

Okay, okay, I'll take you out.

Oh, catch you girls later.

I hope so.

Is that hilarious?

I don't get you, Jackson.

Get what?

How come you got chicks eating out of your hands?

Hey, what can I say, Larry? When you got it, you got it.

Yeah, but compared to me, you ain't got nothing.

I agree to that.

How come you do so good and I don't?

I mean, I'm better looking than you. I'm smarter.

And let's face it, I dress better.

And this chick I'm wound for won't even give me the time of day.

Gee, Larry, I never thought you had any problems getting date.

Normally, I don't.

But this particular chick don't respond to threats.

Well, maybe it's not the chicks, Larry.

I mean, maybe it's you.

What do you mean?

Never mind.

Out with it, Jackson. I can take it.

Well, Larry, some girls think you're a... slob.

But, um, up close, you look terrific.

You're okay, Jackson.

You talk straight.

How'd you like to do me a favor?

I can't wait.

Well, since you're such a hot shot Casanova, you're gonna be my private

Teacher? Yeah, to show me how to get over with this chick, Lindsay.

I got her under my skin, you know?

I got her deep in the heart of me.

There's a lot of other guys out there that are a lot smoother than I am.

Why don't you get one of them to help you?

I don't want nobody else.

I want you.

I like you, Jackson.

I'm going to tell you a little secret.

You know...

I'm a very vulnerable guy.

I hurt all over.

I know the feeling.

I mean, sure, I'm tough on the outside.

But on the inside, I'm a very sensitive, delicate human being.

I can see that.

But I can't seem to get any classy chicks.

Larry, I really don't know if I can help you.

Oh, you can do it, Jackson.

Just make as though your life depends on it.

Of course it does.

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Anybody for second? Except for Arnold, who's up to third.

I can't help it if I eat a lot.

I guess the only mark I'm going to leave on this world is teeth marks.

Willis, you've hardly touched your food.

Pearl fried that chicken with a lot of love.

It's hard to have food on my mind when I got Crazy Larry on my back.

What do you do with a gorilla like that?

Just be sure to keep his cage clean.

Yeah, and get him an old tire to swing on.

That's a terrible attitude.

Nobody is beyond help.

Yeah. We haven't given up on you, Willis.

Thank you, Arnold.

Oh, I get it. Good.

Hello?

Oh, hi.

Who?

No kidding.

I guess it's okay to send him up.

Right. Bye.

Who was that, Arnold?

The doorman.

Arnold, we figured out that it was the doorman. Who is it that's on his way up?

Crazy Larry.

Arnold, why did you say send him up?

I had to.

He had the doorman and the headlock.

It's okay. Don't go to pieces.

You should be flattered. He wants your help.

No one is unteachable. Just remember to be patient and very understanding.

Hey, why don't you help me, Kimberly?

I wouldn't go near that slimeball.

Well, I've got some homework to finish.

Bye. Oh, wonderful dinner, Pearl. Thanks, honey.

As long as you're stuck with him, Willis, you might as well do your best.

Let's face it. A guy like Larry, any change will be an improvement.

It sounds as if Larry has arrived.

Sounds more like the A -team.

At least he came to the door. He didn't just walk through the wall.

Oh, what's happening, baby cakes?

Not much. Thunder buns.

Willis here. I'm Larry.

Larry, we have a doorbell.

Yeah, I know. That's what I was pounding on.

Come in, please.

Larry, what are you doing here?

I couldn't wait. I came home from my first lesson. Right now?

I knew you'd be excited, too.

Dad, you remember Larry.

Oh, sure. How could I forget?

What do you say, old -timer?

Not much. I'm just sitting in my rocking chair, soaking my teeth.

And this is my brother, Arnold.

Hi, crazy.

Hey, you heard of me, huh?

You're famous.

You're like Bigfoot with a duck tail.

And this is our housekeeper, Pearl.

Yeah, we met on a previous occasion.

When was that?

At the door.

It was so long ago, I forgot.

Larry, I'm afraid we're right in the middle of dinner.

Great.

Why don't you join us?

Thanks. Honey, honey. The threads.

I'll take it outside and beat it.

I'll be right back. I'm going to go upstairs just for a minute.

Take your time.

Where my man is.

That's better, Larry.

Man, Larry, I thought I ate big, but you're the champ.

When you get to the crunchy stuff, that's the plate.

I told Hillary about your problem, Larry, and she's dying to help you.

Yeah.

Dying. Okay.

You see, this chick, Lindsay, won't even talk to me.

Larry, your problem is you're coming on too strong.

A girl likes a guy who's polite and sensitive.

But I am sensitive.

I saw Bambi five times.

No one mention that to nobody, Willis.

Don't worry. This is between you and me and Thumper.

So I work on sensitive. What else?

Well, listen.

Why don't you try asking her out, and we'll see what you're doing wrong.

And pretend like Kimberly's Lindsay, okay? Try asking her out.

It's okay by me. Great. I don't mind.

How you doing?

Want to go out?

Ripper would do it.

Is that bad?

Larry, try it again. But this time, be a little laid back and smile.

Yeah.

You've got a nice smile, Larry.

Yeah?

Nobody ever told that to me before.

Hey, listen.

Why don't you try asking her out again, Larry? But this time, be complimentary.

Let her know she's attractive.

Okay. And keep an eye on the sensitive.

Every move a picture.

How you doing, little lady?

I couldn't help noticing your wild bod.

That's a little better.

Normally works.

But you know what would be nicer?

Is if you could take my hand and look into my eyes and say something like, my

eyes were as blue as the sea.

Yeah, they are blue.

And they both look in the same direction.

Okay, now tell me my hair looks like silk and my smile lights up your day.

Yeah, my day.

Now tell me my lips are soft and as red as rose petals.

too much. I'm getting out of here. It was good for me too, honey.

Oh, man, what a kiss.

Both my sideburns twitched.

Thanks a lot, Jackson. You solved my problem. What do you mean?

I mean, forget about that chick, Lindsay.

I'm in love with your sister.

You're sitting on the couch, you're watching TV, and your life's passing you

You keep procrastinating over and over. Well, maybe I'll go to school next year,

maybe next semester. No, do it right now. They'll work with you after work,

you can go before work. You can do whatever you need to do to graduate. Go

to somebody right now. They out to help you. You spend all day on the phone

anyhow. Why don't you make a phone call that's going to help you in your future?

All you got to do is pick up the phone and make the call.

Why are you making it complicated?

It's easy.

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I'm with you.

What are you, 19?

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You've got to stop following Kimberly around school. You're driving her nuts.

I'm getting to her, eh?

You don't understand.

It'll never work. You and Kimberly are different types.

I know, but she's good enough for me.

Amen.

Don't let Kimberly's appearance fool you. She's a real mess.

She leaves her clothes all over the floor. We have to force her to take a

She doesn't even own a toothbrush.

You see that? We ain't so different.

Get nowhere with them.

Listen, Larry, we've really got to talk.

More yours, little fuck.

You know, I'm not... the least bit interested in you. Look at that crummy

jacket. When was the last time you washed your hands? Or your hair?

Look, just stay away from me. You're disgusting.

Is she dynamite or what?

Oh!

I love a chick with a little fire in her gut.

Larry, don't you understand what she's saying?

Yeah. She wants me to wash my hands.

I could live with that.

See you tonight, pal.

Tonight? For what?

For what?

I'm coming over for my first date with your sister.

Date?

Larry, what are you, crazy?

Yeah.

Do you believe it, Daddy? He's coming over here for a date and he didn't even

ask me. I just can't get rid of him.

He sounds like mildew.

Anybody who can swallow a chicken whole can't be all bad.

I'll tell you what.

As long as he's coming over here anyway, I'll have a little heart -to -heart

talk with him. Would you, Daddy?

Lots of luck.

I heard that. Do you mind if I don't answer?

I'll get it, Pearl.

Thanks. Let me know when he's gone so I can fumigate him.

It might be a good idea if you weren't here, Kimberly. Right. I'll stick

Dad. Just in case things start to get ugly, I can call the pound.

I'm coming!

Hi,

sir.

Larry?

C 'est moi.

I heard that in a dirty French movie.

Very smooth.

Come on then, Larry.

What have you got behind your back, Larry? Flowers?

Nah.

The six -pack.

For you.

Oh, thanks.

I got Kimberly something real nice, only it's not ready yet. Oh?

Yeah. This black leather motorcycle jacket with grenade pockets.

That wouldn't touch any girl's heart.

Hey, Arnold.

Hey, Larry.

I didn't recognize you at first.

What happened? Did you get mugged by the Brooks brothers?

I even got stinkum under my arms.

Here, smell.

I'll take your word for it.

So, uh, where's Kimberly?

Oh, uh, she's tied up at the moment.

Yeah, what's she doing?

Girl things.

You know, doing her nails, checking for cellulite, removing unwanted

hair.

Arnold, why don't you do a little removing, like removing yourself from

room? Oh, but Dad, I want... Arnold!

See ya.

Sit down, Larry. I'd like to have a little chat with you.

Anything you say, Mr. Drummond?

Call me Phil.

Okay. So what's shaking, Phil?

What would you like to talk to me about, sir, Phil?

About you and Kimberly.

Let's see, how could I put this?

Okay.

When two people meet and fall in love, it's the result of a mutual admiration

and respect for each other.

What I'm trying to say is you can't force anybody to love you. If it's going

happen, it has to come naturally.

You understand?

Sort of.

Yeah.

It was admirable of you to change your image for Kimberly, but that's not

enough. Love is a two -way street.

Two people have to want to spend their life together.

And one of you isn't ready to make that kind of a commitment.

Oh.

Oh, I see what you're going for. Good.

You love your daughter, and you don't want to see her involved in a fleeting

relationship.

I see what you mean.

That isn't quite what I was saying, but, uh... Hey, why quibble?

You're absolutely right.

Mr. Drummond, I'd like to ask for your daughter's hand in holy matrimony.

Holy... How about it?

Larry, you haven't heard a word that I've said.

Kimberly is not in love with you.

Hey, a marriage can't have everything.

She learned to love me. Trust me.

Larry. Yes, Phil.

Look, I don't want to hurt your feelings.

But here's how it goes down. Now, get this.

Kimberly is not interested in you. She doesn't want to have anything to do with

you. Now, I'd appreciate it if you'd leave.

I don't want you to bother her at school. I don't want you to come here to

her. If you do, I will be very angry. Is that clear?

Now, good night.

I mean, goodbye.

You know, I'm beginning to think I'm not very welcome here.

Hang on to that thought.

All right, you can all come out now.

Did you fix everything, Dad? I told him exactly how you feel about him, and he

said he wanted to marry you.

Marry me?

Nice going, Dad.

You do any more fixing, you'll be bouncing little crazies on your knees.

Listen, Buster. Oh, it's you.

Hey, have you seen Crazy Larry this morning yet? No, I've managed to avoid

so far. Yeah, me too.

Hey, yo.

Oh, no.

Larry, what happened to you?

You've changed.

Willis, uh, would you mind leaving us alone for a minute, please?

He said please.

I guess,

you know, I

asked your dad for your hand in marriage last night.

Yeah, he told me.

Sort of read me the riot act.

But you know, when I left, something was bothering me.

Something was really gnawing at me.

You forgot your beer?

No.

I realized the truth.

You did?

I could never afford a chick like you.

Look at that penthouse you live in.

That's got to cost at least two, three hundred a month.

At least.

You got a maid and everything.

Probably even have a chauffeur and a limo.

Well... Yeah.

I can never even afford to buy the hubcaps.

Of course, I really don't have to. I got a closet full of them.

You know, I really appreciate you telling me all this, Larry.

But I want you to know it's not just the money.

We just don't have that much in common.

I know.

You got class.

You probably go to Lincoln Center and watch that group fill in harmonica.

Me?

I watch a guy with a monkey in the park.

So that's it. I'm walking off into the sunset.

No hard feelings, huh?

No hard feelings.

Thanks.

Why did you kiss him?

Oh, don't worry, Willis. We got it all worked out.

Good. The wedding's in June.

What?

I'm just kidding.

Actually, he was very sweet, and I feel kind of sorry for him. But we'll have no

more problems with Crazy Larry.

Kid.

Hey. Hi.

Larry? Yo.

You look nice. What happened?

I mean, you look like a different person.

Yeah. Guess it's just the real me busting out.

Well, I think you busted out kind of cute.

Listen, I got to go to class, but maybe I'll see you around.

Yes. Maybe we'll meet in the cafeteria for lunch.

I might just do that.

You know, over at the sandwich machine.

I know how to jimmy it open.

I love that sense of humor.

You were kidding, weren't you?

Hey.

She likes me.

She likes me.

Well, it looks like we helped Larry after all.

Yeah.

Nothing but the cheese that they got.

Different strokes to take.

Different strokes to take. Different strokes to move the world. Different

strokes to take.

Different strokes to move the world.

It's your move, partner.

I don't think it. It's your move.

It's the thinking man's game. Any day now. Just get the new Orion to go on and

connect.

All right, it's your turn, Ed.

What you got?

Checkmate.

So I just have two orders of buffalo wings, crab cakes,

a couple of club sandwiches, with

fries and onion rings, a slice of key lime pie.

The guy you're waiting on is the star running back for the Chiefs.

Am I supposed to be impressed?

He's not all that.

You know, he makes five million dollars a year.

You know, he does have pretty eyes.

Come on, let's go out and introduce ourselves.

Yeah, I don't know about that, man. He looks like he's trying to keep a low

profile. Yeah, sure, man. He got sunglasses on at nightclub. He's begging

noticed.

You're late.

What's up?

What's up?

I'm Eddie Sherman. This is my partner, Malcolm McGee. We're on the 50 -50 Club.

Nice to meet you.

Here you go, sir.

Your food will be right out.

I just want to say that I am one of your biggest fans.

And I say that because I really mean it, Mr. Hey -Boo.

Hey.

Oops.

That silly mix -up's not going to affect my teeth, is it?

Malik, the 50 -50 Club is...

honor to serve one of the chiefs. Your tab is on the house, my man.