Original subtitles

Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum. What might be right for

you may not be right for some. A man is born, he's a man of means.

Then along come two. They got nothing but the genes, but they got different

strokes to take, different strokes to take, different strokes to move the

Everybody's got a special kind of story.

Everybody finds a way to shine.

It don't matter that you got another life. So what? I'll have theirs and

have yours and I'll have mine.

And together we...

Different strokes to move the world. Yes, it does. It takes different strokes

move the world.

What we need is a Tarzan yell from you, Dudley. He'll pound another chest.

He sounds like a dying water buffalo.

You know what would really be terrific would be for Tarzan to have a lion to

wrestle. That's a great idea.

I don't think this Tarzan could wrestle a grasshopper.

I got a great idea.

Why don't I be the lion, and you take the pictures, Arnold, okay?

Okay by me.

You know how to operate that thing, Arnold? Oh, yeah, sure. We have one of

at home. Only more expensive.

I guess I'm the first semi -bald king of the jungle.

All right, why don't you hop on my back?

And I'll pretend like I'm going to try and throw you there.

Sorry I don't have a tail for you to hang on to.

That's okay. You can just wag your behind.

That's a lot of fun, isn't it, darling? Yeah.

Say, man, we're going to have to protect ourselves here in the jungle. I mean,

we don't want to be bitten by the terrible titsy fly now, do we, huh?

Maybe we should have a little more wine.

No, thanks.

I'd rather get bitten on the titsy.

Well, I know my friend Dudley's not going to let me down.

Huh? Sure, I'll have some more.

You want to be a chicken, Arnold?

Well, okay.

I'll have just one fifth.

Okay, fellas, here we go, huh?

What do you say, school?

Bottoms up. L 'chaim.

Oh, I learned that from a Jewish kid in school.

Only he does it with low -fat milk.

That's enough for me.

Oh, come on. Listen, don't worry about too much wine.

I mean, I'm not going to let you have too much wine because, you know, your

folks may smell it on your breath.

Oh, they might get mad at me.

Uh -oh. If Dad smelled it on my breath, I won't get that bicycle for my

birthday. I won't live that long.

You guys don't worry about it, will you? I got plenty of gum and breath mints

back here, and you guys can have all you like. Huh? Hey, listen, what game are

we going to play now? Oh, I got it.

Trampoline. You got a trampoline here? Well, no, but, you know, we can jump up

and down on the bed.

Gee, Mr. Horton, you sure got some great ideas.

Wait a minute, guys. Stop calling me Mr. Horton, huh? Why don't you call me by

my nickname?

Curly. I'll call you Bo, and you'll be Larry. We'll pretend like we're the new

improved version of the Three Stooges, huh?

Boop!

Listen, guys, maybe we ought to hold it down, keep it real quiet, huh?

Hi there, Mr. Horton.

Hello, Mr. Drummond.

What brings you out on a day like this?

Well, I was just going by this way, and I thought I'd stop in and square up with

you on that bicycle I'm getting for Arnold.

Would you take your credit card? Oh, sure.

Oh, I left home without it.

to take this other card?

Sure, you bet.

Holy cow!

It's my dad!

And me!

You smell it like a blue nun!

You're in big trouble, Arnold. So are you. You're in this up to your naked

armpits.

Come and buy it and give my best to the family. Okay, thanks. See you again.

Oh, boy.

Okay, fellas, I got rid of the...

weren't sneaking up. And what are you doing chewing a big wad of gum like

I have a big mouth.

We already know that.

What kind of gum is that? Spearmint muscatel?

I smell it too, Arnold. You got booze on your...

drinks wine in France, you're not in France.

And if Dad finds out that you've been drinking, you're going to wish you were

Siberia.

You don't have to tell him.

I mean, why give him something to worry about?

It's not like he's going to find me sleeping in the gutter with a red nose

three -day growth of beard.

Look, I promise I'm through with wine forever. Or until I get to France.

You swear?

I swear.

On your E .T. alarm clock?

So help me Steven Spielberg.

Okay, then we won't say anything.

Thanks. And get rid of that wad of gum, man. You look like a chipmunk storing

nuts for the winter.

Okay.

Well, why don't you gargle with something to get rid of that wine on

breath?

Why don't you try Listerine on the rocks?

hug my kid today.

Uh, Dad, um, I'm getting too old for that mush.

I'm not, and I'm almost twice your age.

Uh, maybe it's just a macho stage I'm going through. Would you settle for a

handshake?

Well, that's better than nothing.

Nice to see you home from work, Dad.

Thanks. Maybe after dinner we'll have cigars and brandy in the study.

What's going on with Arnold?

He's acting very strange lately.

I didn't notice anything.

Me neither.

Well, maybe he's going through mid -puberty crisis.

Matter of fact, I'm not over mine yet.

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Hey,

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Matt, honey, what would you like? I'll have a whole bucket of drumsticks.

Besides, have one of both. There's plenty of the good stuff to go around.

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Thanks a lot.

What did you do?

It's what he didn't do.

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Getting proactive.

It's probably one of the best decisions I've ever made. I'm so glad I did it.

Here they are, folks. The stupendous, the incredible, the mysterious

disappearing bicycle brothers. I mean, now you see them and now you don't.

What happened to you guys yesterday?

Sorry we had to leave without saying goodbye, Curly.

We looked out the peephole and saw it was my dad.

What do you want?

We just wanted to pay for the bike he got you. He doesn't even suspect that

were here.

You know, I feel funny about all this sneaking around.

Arnold, it's not sneaking around.

We're just simply trying to keep me out of trouble for giving you guys all these

little treats after school.

Yeah, that's right, Arnold.

But maybe we could get in trouble, too.

Maybe we shouldn't stay.

What?

Do my ears deceive me not stay after I have gone out and gotten an armload of

cartoons for you guys to watch this afternoon on television?

Boy, I'd sure like to see some cartoons.

Come on, Arnold.

I don't know.

Oh, that's all right, Dudley. That just means that there's more Boston cream pie

for you and me.

Boston cream pie?

Like with three layers and whipped cream?

And gooey chocolate on top. That's right.

I guess I could always eat and run.

That's my man.

All right, fellas, in a wee, we go.

All right. Follow me. You're ready. Listen,

you know those pictures we took yesterday? I got those back. They're

on the table.

Hey, Curly, these are terrific.

And you said I didn't have muscles, Arnold. Look at me. I'm bulging out like

in 3 -D.

Hustles in 3D, all right. Drooping, dragging, and disgusting.

Okay, guys, here it is. It's showtime and pie time.

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. It's time for Curly's Cartoon Cavalcade.

Oh, and away we go.

Man, I love cartoons. Me, too.

I bet you guys haven't seen Murphy the Mouse.

No.

No.

Cute. Check them out.

Hey, that mouse just lost his pants.

He's not wearing any other shorts.

Look at that girl mouse.

She's wearing a bikini.

who you've been missing.

Dilly, this is an X -rated cartoon.

It's dirty.

Yeah, I know.

Arnold, it's not dirty.

It's adult.

And we are all adults, aren't we?

We only look adult because we worry a lot.

I want to see how that mouse works out.

I don't like this cartoon, but I have nothing against this pie.

No, Dudley, look, if Arnold wants to go, then that's what he should do.

I'm warning you, Dudley, if the Mouseketeers hear about this, you'll

turn in your ears.

Listen, Dudley, don't worry about Arnold.

We can have a lot more fun without him.

After the cartoon's over, we'll play Neptune, King of the Sea.

How do you play that?

Oh, you know, it takes a lot of water, the bathtub, the shower.

Oh, it's a great game. You're going to love it.

Somebody at the door, Kimberly.

Will you get that?

nothing important. I'm just revising my will. I'm cutting both of you out of it.

Good afternoon, Phil. How are you? Hi, Ted. Come on in. What a nice surprise.

How are you doing?

Look, forgive me for barging in on you like this, but I thought it was

we should discuss in person.

It's about my son.

Well, come on, sit down.

Can I get you a cup of coffee?

No, nothing, thanks.

So, uh, you have a problem with Dudley.

Yeah.

are awkward about this, but I'd really appreciate it if you didn't let him have

any more wine when he's over here.

Wine?

Where in the world did you get the idea that I gave Dudley wine?

Well, yesterday he came home with wine on his breath and he said that you gave

it to him.

Well, I can assure you I didn't, and I can't imagine what would make him say

that I did.

Kim, I think we better tell Dad what we know.

I know, I hate to be a snitch, but I think you're right, Willis. Tell me

Willis? Well, yesterday, Arnold came home with wine on his breast. And he

Mr. Ramsey gave it to him. Me?

Now, why didn't you two tell me that before?

Oh, Daddy, Arnold looks so guilty. And he promised he'd never do it again, so

let it go.

Well, I assure you, Phil, I'd never give wine to Arnold. Well, obviously, Arnold

and Dudley are experimenting with alcohol. I don't like that.

Well, neither do I.

They're still babies.

Well, it looks like the babies have gone from the nipple straight to the ripple.

Well, I'm glad I came over.

Dudley and I are going to have a little heart -to -heart talk.

Arnold and I may have a little hand -to -butt talk.

Hello, Arnold.

Oh, uh, hi, uh, Mr. Ramsey.

Well, I'll be going, Phil. Thanks for dropping by.

Okay, good. We'll be in touch.

Good enough.

Bye, kids.

Bye -bye.

Dad,

what was Dudley's father doing here?

Well, he came to discuss something that I found quite informative.

Oh, what's that?

You and Dudley hitting the bottle.

What you talking about, Dad?

Since when did you and Dudley become the Booze Brothers?

Now, don't try to deny that you've been drinking. Put it down right over here.

I want the whole story from beginning to end.

Where did you get the wine?

Well, I'm not supposed to tell. Mr.

Horton.

Mr.

Horton? The man in the bicycle shop.

What's he got to do with this?

Well, while I was there with Dudley, he gave us some pizza and wine.

What else went on there?

He showed us some pictures.

Everybody was naked.

Naked?

And he showed us some kinky cartoons.

What do you mean by kinky?

Well, you told me about the birds and bees, but that's nothing compared to

those mice were doing.

I think I'd better have a talk with our Mr.

Horton. Dad, you don't think... Yes, I sure do.

Is there something wrong, Dad? Maybe we should go get Dudley. He's still down

there. At the bicycle shop?

Oh, my... Dad, I'm going with you. Now, wait a second.

Maybe we should call the police first. The police?

And I'm going to leave a message.

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Act 1030.

Oh, look, I'm sorry, Mr. Drummond. I'm just about to close up here. I've had a

little problem. Is this Horton?

Yes, it is. I think you've got a big problem, Mr. Horton.

Now, where's Dudley?

Arnold told us that he was here.

Look, I don't understand. Was there some kind of joke, Mr. Drummond? Stay with

him.

Wait a minute, man. You can't go back there.

Dudley?

Dudley, where are you?

Maybe he's in here. Mr. Drummond.

It might be better if I looked in there first.

Dudley, are you okay?

Oh, Mr. Drummond, am I glad to see you.

Boy, I sure feel goofy.

Did Mr. Horton give you anything, Dudley?

A pill.

He said it would make me feel good. Dudley?

Are you all right?

Yeah, I guess so.

I'm kind of scared.

Dudley, I want you to tell me exactly what happened before we came in.

Do I have to?

Go ahead. It's all right. Now, Dudley, you can tell everything to Detective

Simpson because he's here to help us.

Well, at first, Dad, I was having a lot of fun.

Then Mr. Horton, he tried to... He tried to touch me.

It's not your fault, son.

And I don't blame you.

And I'm not going to punish you.

I love you.

Do you understand?

Well, thank goodness you got to Dudley before anything really terrible happened

to him. How's he doing?

Well, he's still a little shaken up.

Well, he's a lucky boy. He'll come out of this just fine. He's got parents who

are loving and understanding.

You know, some parents actually blame the children for what happened.

That is dreadful. That is the worst thing you could do. What could have

to Mr. Horton? Well, I think we got a darn good case against him, Willis.

Thanks to your father calling us, we were able to surprise him. And we found

some very incriminating pictures.

Worse than the mice?

Much worse.

What is this world coming to?

Detective Simpson said it was a good thing we called him.

Because if I had gone down and confronted Horton by myself...

He would have been able to get rid of all the photographs before the police

could even get there.

Unfortunately, most parents do just that, and the guy gets off scot -free.

Oh, and by the way, Arnold, your evidence is going to help us a lot, too.

I think I got all the details right here, including there was a cherry on

banana split he gave you. Did I mention the chopped nuts?

Yeah, that, too.

Boy, I really spilled my guts.

I just can't get over this. We've known Mr. Horton for years. He seemed like

such a nice man.

That's the contradiction with child molesters.

In their own strange way, they actually love children.

The majority of them would never intentionally harm a child.

The sad part is they can emotionally scar a child for life.

Man, I never would have guessed that Mr. Horton was, you know, gay.

Well, he's not, Willis. You know, that's the common fallacy about child

molesters. They're not gay. They're only interested in little boys or little

girls, not adults.

Look, I'm only 11 years old. Should I be hearing all of this?

Absolutely, Arnold.

If more kids knew the fact, less of these things would happen.

Unfortunately, child molesters prey on the innocence of children.

You're right about that, Mr. Drummond. Well, I think I'll be leaving now.

Thanks very much, Detective Simpson. We appreciate your help. My pleasure, Mr.

Drummond. Believe me.

So long, kids. Bye. Thank you.

How you doing, son?

Okay.

You want to talk about it?

Well, you're looking at one disillusioned dude.

If you can't trust a nice man like Mr. Horton, who can you trust?

Oh, Arnold, I think you can trust most people. But you do have to be careful.

Somebody wants you to do something that's wrong, or if they want you to lie

your parents, that is a person who should not be trusted. No matter how

reason they give you seems to be.

And you have to watch out for people who come on real strong and try to win you

over with gifts.

That's right.

And especially if they want to touch you where you don't want to be touched.

Thanks, Dad.

I understand.

Any more questions?

Just one.

Do I still get a bicycle for my birthday?

You sure do.

And a radio.

I'm mighty proud of you, son.

You know, I didn't like the things Mr. Horton was trying to do in the bicycle

shop. But some hugs and kisses are still okay.

To the beat of just one drum.

What might be right for you?

May not be right for some. But then it falls.

It's a better beat than a long come to.

They got nothing but the genes.

And they got different strokes of dicks. Different strokes of dicks. Different

strokes to move the world. It doesn't take.

Different strokes to move the world.

I was thinking, you know, we've been working hard for over a year straight

without a single vacation.

You got that right. So I'm thinking maybe we need to just take some time

get away, and relax.

Eh, witchy molly molly. Let's go to Vegas.

Yeah, I can visit some of the money I left there two years ago.

You don't go to Vegas to relax. You go to Vegas to party.

All right, how about New York?

No, no, you definitely don't go to New York to relax.

You go to New York to get shot.

All right, check this.

I heard about these spas down in Arizona.

I hear they treat you like a king.

Yeah? Oh, yeah.

Look at this.

Mud bath.

Deep massages.

Given to you by two beautiful Native American masseuses.

And you'll have all the stress out of our naked...

One of them's called Touched by a Feather.

The other one's Hands of Silk.

With my luck, we'll get Walks Like Duck and her sister Breath Like Cow.

Besides, those spas are expensive, man.

I'm done, man. You come up with something.

All right, I will.

I will just consult my trusty little travel guide.

Let's see what we got here.

See an America on $2 a day.

This baby is chock full of good ideas.

Man,

you didn't buy this book.

You swiped it from the library.

It's not considered swiping if you get it from the dumpster.

How about this? Steam engine days in Dubuque.

I ain't riding on no funky train in Iowa.

Look at this.

Free in -room bagel at the Motel 6.

Why you say so?

What was I thinking?

You think we'd still get reservations?

Well, with the millennium and all.

You know, the depth of your sarcasm astounds me. And the depth of your

scares me.

Man, I am not cheap.

All right, look at this.

This shirt, $200, eh? How much for your drawers?

Three for a buck, but nobody sees them anyway.

See, that's just covert, stealthy, sneaky cheap.

Yeah, it was a joke, first of all. Second of all, I don't like the word

I prefer frugal.

Please, cheap is cheap.

Every time you pull a dollar out of your wallet, George Washington is blinded by

the light.

Isn't it quite funny, Bob?

They just gonna leave you alone while you sit inside your home.

During your divorce, you lost all your body hair?

Oh, yeah.

Stress.

Trudy kept yelling at me.

Chest hair?

Lost it.

Leg hair?

History.