Original subtitles

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A man just born, he's a man of needs.

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And together we...

And this is your assignment for tomorrow, so read these two chapters on

Two chapters in one night?

Why don't we just ask this to build a pyramid?

I heard that, Arnold. If you don't think that's enough homework, I can throw in

the Roman Empire.

No, no.

Egypt will be just fine.

Arnold. I don't believe it. The woman has mirrors on her ears.

Now, class, I have an announcement to make.

At recess today, I was informed that I have to attend a teacher's conference

the rest of the week. So, after lunch today, a substitute teacher will be

filling in for me.

I can see you're all overcome with grief.

Who's the substitute teacher, Michelle?

Mrs. Rifkin, she substituted for me last year.

Isn't Mrs. Rifkin the old lady with the hearing aid? She had bad eyesight, too.

Bad ears, bad eyes. That's my kind of teacher.

Now, class, your assignments for the next week are on the board, so have a

lunch and please be nice to Mrs. Rifkin. All right, I'll see you guys next week.

The rest of the week's going to be a vacation.

Mrs. Rifkin is a pushover.

Yes. God bless her great, balding little head.

That was so good. That was beautiful.

That's right. I need it. It's against the rules to have bubble gum in class.

So what? We got Mrs. Rifkin. Not to you, old chump.

Now I can catch up on my important reading.

I've just got to find out what happened. What happened to Spider -Man when he

ate those nuclear lima beans?

Hey, we wouldn't want Mrs. Riskin to strain her dear old eyes reading Miss

Chung's assignments, would we?

Oh, no, we wouldn't want that.

Yeah, let's think of it as a good deed for the day.

Why are you erasing the blackboard?

Uh, we were just helping out the janitors.

If you're looking for Miss Rifkin, she's not here yet. I'm afraid she won't be

here. She's ill.

I'll be your substitute teacher.

What you talking about, mister?

I'll be with you for the rest of the week.

name is Mr. Wilkes, and I'm sure we're going to get along just fine.

I'm strict, but I'm fair.

Are there any questions?

Uh, yes, sir.

How come you're teaching instead of playing basketball?

Well, actually, I did play pro ball for a while, but I had to stop.

What happened? Your head kept getting caught in the net?

Sometimes.

Actually, I had a knee injury.

Anyway, I had a very good education to fall back on.

What a break for us.

I believe in study.

The more work I can give you, the happier I'll be.

How happy you plan on getting?

For starters, I want you to do some reading tonight.

Miss Chung never said we had to do any reading while she was away. Right, guys?

Well,

shame on her.

I want you to read the first three chapters on Egypt.

Miss Chung said we only...

I thought as much.

Okay, let's get going.

Arnold, this guy's trouble.

Trouble?

He's got us at denial without a pattern.

On the next episode of The Wire.

There's no more money coming in. Nothing lasts forever.

You're going to have to step up now, Nate.

You're going to get this boy his own package, or there's going to be some

The Wire, tonight at 9 .30, right here on BET.

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Drummond residence.

He's having dinner.

Oh. Well, if it's an emergency, it's for Arnold.

It's for you, Arnold.

It's Dudley. He wants to talk to you about Egypt and that rat Sphinx who's

teaching it.

Thanks, Pearl.

Hi, Dudley. Make it fast.

Pearl's got her apron in an uproar.

All this homework is killing me.

How about you?

Yeah, it's ruining my life.

I'm going to miss a great horror movie, The Best Little Maniac in Texas.

I don't know if I'm going to make it through the week, Arnold. We just got to

something about that guy.

He really bugs me.

Hey, maybe that's it.

If he's going to bug us, why can't we bug him right back?

You know, make his life miserable.

That's a good idea.

Just off the top, you got any thoughts?

Not now, Dudley.

I can't T -A -L -T.

We can discuss it on the way to school tomorrow.

Okay. I'll tell you one thing, though. Since he likes Egypt so much, I'd like

get him a one -way ticket and a room in a tomb.

Me and I didn't finish all the homework, but everybody knows I'm the smartest

kid in class.

Here he comes.

Y 'all know what to do.

All right.

Good morning, class.

Good morning, Mr. Wilkes.

Well, I'm glad to see we're all bright -eyed and bushy -tailed and ready to do

some heavy -duty studying.

We sure are.

I can honestly say, Mr. Wilkes, we couldn't wait to get into class today.

Good. A little work is stimulating, isn't it? I knew you'd love Egypt.

Now, would you open your history books, please?

this morning.

Now, as you've learned, the Nile is the only waterway in Egypt.

Let's take a look at it on the map.

The Nile is located in a rich, fertile valley with

lots of curves.

Well, class, I want to thank you for spicing up my morning like this.

Thanks. I'll carry it in my wallet.

Nothing bothers this guy.

They should put his face on Mount Rushmore.

I'll bet this one gets him.

The Nile runs through Egypt to the Mediterranean Sea.

It's 4 ,160 miles long from its headwaters in Uganda to its delta in

Egypt. What are you doing, Arnold?

Thought maybe you wanted me to pass out some paper.

What for?

So we can draw our own maps.

That's good thinking.

What's this?

Looks like somebody gave you a present.

Isn't that pretty?

I like that.

I'm really sorry I hit you, but you kind of had it coming for fooling around

like that.

All right, class, that's enough of this Three Stooges routine.

If I hear any more of it, I'm going to slam dunk each of you in the

Maybe three chapters wasn't enough for you last night.

Tonight we'll make it four.

I'll be right back. You can start on that assignment now.

Educated to death.

We've got to get him out of here, guys.

I'll say.

Hey, wait a minute.

What's the worst thing a teacher can do?

Show up in the morning.

No, hit a student.

I'd like to volunteer you.

He already hit someone.

Arnold. That was just an accident.

Are you sure?

Are you sure, Robbie?

Nope, I'm not sure.

See, we're not sure.

What makes you think you're so sure?

I didn't say I was sure.

So why don't we just tell the principal at the school that Mr. Wilkes slapped

you? By tomorrow, he'll be just a tall, black memory.

Well, I don't know.

Come on, Arnold.

You're our salvation.

Yeah, you're going to leave this out of Egypt.

Oh, all right.

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A BEP.

Hello? Yes, he is. Just a minute, please.

Daddy!

Did I hear your bell -like tones?

It's for you. It's Arnold's principal, Mr. Langford. Oh, thanks.

Hello, Mr. Langford.

No, I haven't spoken to Arnold. He's not home yet.

Slapped him?

Are you serious?

Well, I don't care what that teacher said. There's no excuse for laying hand

a child.

Yeah, well, I'd like to get to the bottom of it, too.

First thing tomorrow morning, that'll be fine.

I'll see you then.

By the way, thanks for calling.

Yeah, goodbye.

Damn, that makes me mad.

Why would a nice lady like Miss Chung slap Arnold?

No, it was a substitute teacher.

How dare he lay a hand on Arnold?

Nobody's slapping my little brother around.

What did Arnold do?

Well, that's one of the things I intend to find out. Now, the teacher says it

was an accident, but the kids in Arnold's class said it wasn't.

I'll go with you tomorrow, Mr. Drummond.

I'm going, too, to give him a root canal in my fist.

Now, now, calm down, you two.

I know how to handle bullies.

He won't be so free with his hands when he sees someone my size.

He sure ought to be taught a lesson, Daddy.

Hey, Arnold.

Arnold, are you all right?

All the parts are working.

You want to kick my tires?

The principal called about what happened in class.

Oh?

Come and sit over here.

Now, I want you to tell me exactly what happened.

Well, we were just fooling around a little.

You know, like we always do to a substitute, to try and discourage him.

You understand your stuff, right? Dropping books, chalking the chair.

Well, there's nothing wrong with that. We've all done it.

But he got so steamed, he jumped up and slapped me. You poor baby.

Boy, did it sting.

I felt a tear coming, but I didn't want to give him the satisfaction.

So I sucked it back into my eyeball.

Now, Arnold, you know that I do not condone fooling around in class.

But he had no right to slap you.

I'm going to confront this Mr.

Wilkes tomorrow morning before school.

Uh, is that necessary, Dad?

I mean, you know what they say.

To forgive is divine, and to know when to duck is even better.

That's a very fine attitude, Arnold, but that teacher has gone too far. I'm

going to go down there, and you're going to come with me.

Do I have to?

Arnold, there is nothing to be afraid of once you've told the truth.

That's right, brah.

Hello, Dudley? It's Arnold.

What's up?

We've got a problem. The principal just called my dad, and he's taking me to see

Mr. Wilkes in the morning.

Oh, I wouldn't want to be in your shoes, Arnold.

You won't have to, because you're going to be there in your own shoes.

What do you mean?

Well, it was your idea.

You're my witness. You've got to back me up. I'll be way back, right here in my

living room.

Dudley, you're going to be there, and that's that.

Well, okay.

But what am I supposed to say?

You saw everything that happened, didn't you?

Yeah. Well, forget all that and make something up.

Mr. Wilkes, this is Philip Drummond, Arnold's father.

Nice to meet you.

I ought to slap your face just the way you did my son's.

Not really, Mr. Drummond.

Look, this is just a misunderstanding.

It was just an accident.

That's what we're here to find out.

Why don't we get started?

Do you have a seat over there, please? All right.

Now, Dudley, you were a witness.

I'd like for you to repeat what you told me in my office.

Well, like I said, Arnold was telling him it's the Wilkes, and the next thing

you know, pow, right in the kisser.

Like Godzilla swatting a fly.

You're only telling half the truth, Dudley.

When I opened the can and the snakes jumped out, I was startled, and my hand

accidentally glanced off Arnold's cheek.

Accidentally my foot.

You can sit down, Dudley.

Arnold, I'd like to hear from you.

Uh, could Dudley and I please have a little confab?

Well, for what reason?

So we can get our facts together so we can give you the straight story.

That sounds reasonable.

All right, go ahead.

Dudley, now that I'm here, I don't like the way things are going.

Don't blow it now. We're just supposed to have them out of our class.

I don't know if I can lie like you.

That's okay.

Lie your own way.

I'll try.

Arnold, we're waiting.

Well... Well, it was like Dudley said, only

worse. I didn't even see it coming.

All I heard was a whistling sound.

Then, wham!

It was like getting hit in the face with a side of beef.

I can't believe what I'm hearing.

Are you accusing my son of lying?

I'm saying he's not telling the whole story.

There is more.

After he hit me, he said, I had it coming.

Did you actually say that, Mr. Wilkes?

Well, yes.

But what I meant was it's wrong to fool around because things can get out of

hand. Oh, yeah. I'd say slapping a child is way out of hand.

Look, Mr. Drummond, I've been teaching school for quite a few years, and I've

never struck a child.

Mr. Wilkes.

I happen to have your record here.

And unfortunately, this isn't the first time you've hit a student.

What?

You mean you would permit a teacher in the sixth grade classroom who has a

record of hitting children?

Now, just a minute, Mr. Drummond. That was a completely different matter. It

a high school.

Older kids.

One of them was high on drugs and acting crazy.

I had to slap him and subdue him until he pulled out of it. And if you look on

my record, I was exonerated for that.

But in light of what I've just heard, I don't know if you should have been.

Well, obviously the man doesn't know how to handle children.

Mr. Wilkes, I'm afraid I have no choice but to recommend that you be suspended

from teaching school in this city. Good.

These boys aren't telling the truth.

I don't know why, but they're not.

You've got to believe me.

You can't throw away my whole career for something I didn't do. Mr. Wilkes, I've

made not my decision.

This meeting's over.

Excuse me, Mr.

Langford? Yes, Arnold.

Could Dudley and I please have another conference?

Arnold, is it pertinent?

Yeah, and it has a lot to do with what's going on here.

Go ahead.

Look, we only wanted him out of our hair, not out of a job.

I know.

He's going to wind up a bum on Skid Row.

And he doesn't look too good now.

I'm going to tell the truth, Dudley.

But Arnold, if you tell him that you lied, you'll get thrown out of school.

I'll tell him you put me up to it.

Yeah, I guess we'll have to tell him.

So we'll end up on Skid Row instead of him.

Arnold, what is going on between you two?

I have a very uncomfortable feeling that there's something that you two are not

telling us.

Will did.

I thought so.

All right.

Start telling.

Well, it appears that Dudley and I have made a minor error in judgment.

Are you saying that you've been lying about Mr. Wilkes? No, we never actually

lied. We just kind of wiped our feet on the truth.

What about the slap?

Was that an accident?

He was sure beginning to look that way.

We were kind of mad at Mr. Wilkes because he kept piling on so much

That's a teacher's job, fellas.

If there's one thing I've learned, it's the value of a good education.

It sure saved my life.

This is just awful.

I don't quite know what to say to you, Mr. Wilkes.

I'm just terribly embarrassed about this.

You should be.

I can stay and write I'm sorry on the blackboard 500 times.

That's all right.

100 will be enough.

It's okay, Mr. Drummond. I know what it means to be a concerned father.

I happen to be one myself.

Well, gentlemen, I'm sure glad we got down to the bottom of this.

You're glad?

We're really sorry, Mr. Wilkes. We didn't mean to get you into so much

I was in over my head, which for me is easy.

fellas. That's nice of you.

But we also have to pay for it.

Uh -oh.

You can look forward to some very special assignments just for the two of

And I hope you boys realize that you're in line for punishment by my office,

too. And when you're finished there, you can get into my line,

Arnold.

That's gonna be a long line.

I'm not quite sure how to punish you for this one, Arnold.

It's gonna be a biggie, huh?

Yeah, very biggie.

Mr. Wilkes, I just saved your butt. How about saving mine?

Nothing but the truth.

Nothing but the genes that they got.

Different strokes to take. Different strokes to take.

Different strokes to move the world.

Everybody's got a special kind of story.

Everybody finds a way to shine.

It don't matter that you got not a lot. So what? I'll have theirs and you'll

have yours and I'll have mine.

And together we'll be fine. Because it takes different strokes to...

Yes,

I'm listening, but you're not saying much.

Good morning.

Good morning, Arnold.

Are you hungry?

Oh, man.

I can smell Pearl's pancakes all the way upstairs.

Where are they?

Pearl's got them.

Gorillas, you call movers, chipped my dish. It was a genuine antique.

Now it looks a hundred years old.

Sorry about this, folks.

Yes, I'm listening.

At least you left me a plate to lick.

You want me to talk to him, Pearl?

No, I've got things under control.

Eighty -five dollars?

You, sir, are a jerk.

He's impossible.

You talk to him. Oh, sure. He ought to be easy now you've got him softened up.

I'm Philip Drummond.

No, no, I'm not her lawyer. I'm just a guy who's trying to get his pancakes.