All language subtitles for Dear John s04e18 The Write Stuff

by the time you

Dear John is filming for our studio
audience.

And they said it was impossible, but I
was...

able to get two tickets next Saturday
night to La Boheme.

Wow, La Boheme.

Not the La Boheme.

Hey, Connors, you haven't the foggiest
notion what I'm talking about.

Not a clue.

The opera, then.

The opera.

Next Saturday?

Oh, darn. Next Saturday. I'm working
that night.

Oh, yeah. See, the thingamajig on the
boiler, it isn't...

Thingamajigging.

It's technical.

I'm so disappointed we can't go to La
Boheme. It's my favorite opera.

Don't worry.

As soon as that baby comes out in video,
it's yours.

Anybody like to go and see La Boheme
with me next Saturday night?

Something they'd like to share?

Will I?

No, I'm sure y 'all are tired of hearing
about it.

Oh, you mean your job at the soap?

Yeah. I'm sorry, but ever since we lost
one of our writers on The Divided Heart,

I've had to do double duty.

I'm telling you, I have absolutely no
social life.

I finally understand what you people
have been going through.

You know, Mary Beth, I was going to wait
until the end of the meeting, but since

you seem so desperate, I might as well
break the good news now.

Good news?

Well, actually, great news.

I've been thinking about your problem,
and I think I've come up with the

solution.

Your show needs a writer.

Well, I've done a little writing.

So, I just put two and two together.

I don't follow you, John.

Look, I've been watching The Divided
Heart all this week, and I think I can

write for it.

I've even jotted down a couple of
thoughts.

Oh, boy, this is going to be a long
night.

Now, the way I see it is, there is an
opportunity here, Mary Beth, to educate

as well as entertain.

Educate? Yeah.

Picture this.

Lance is deeply troubled about
something.

So, even when his wife, Vicki, shows up
at the office wearing nothing but a

raincoat and a smile,

Lance still can't get his mind off his
problems.

So, they embrace.

And in a wild, passionate frenzy, roll
onto the conference table.

Vicki looks deep into Lance's eyes and
says, I can't live without you.

Lance looks deep into Vicki's eyes and
says, You know what I can't live

Clean air.

You mean that's all?

No, no, no, of course not. He takes her
to bed. He turns out the lights and

tells her about everything that
contributes.

To air pollution, though.

Congratulations, John. You just iced
down every horny housewife in America.

Oh, yeah?

I suppose you think you could do better?
You bet I could. Really? Fine, okay. Be

my guest. Go ahead. Try it.

Go ahead.

Okay.

All right.

Picture this.

Lance has the hearts for his sister -in
-law, right?

His wife, Vicki, finds out about this.

What does Lance do?

He does what any normal man would do.

He fakes his own suicide.

One day, Vicki comes home. She finds
Lance with a noose around his neck. She

feels so bad, she lets him keep fooling
around with her sister.

This way, Vicki gets Lance.

Amber gets Lance, and Lance gets the
super sister sandwich.

Oh, come on, Kirk. That would never
happen in real life.

I wish someone would tell that to my
sisters.

You know, Kirk, that's not that bad.

Maybe you should be writing soap opera.

What? Kirk, a writer? What, are you out
of your mind? Mary Beth may have a

point. Nobody has an imagination like
Kirk.

Come on.

He's the biggest liar we know.

You hear that, John?

Maybe now you'll have a little respect.

Yeah, but don't you understand?

He doesn't know a thing about writing.
No, he doesn't, but you do.

With his imagination and your writing
skills, there's no telling what the two

you could come up with.

What are you saying?

All I'm saying is that if the two of you
decide you want to sit down and write

something, I'll pass it on to the show's
producers.

Yeah. What do you say, John?

Huh? Come on.

Okay, okay, okay. I'll, uh... Maybe I'll
give it a try. Oh, great!

I'm sure y 'all are gonna be just the
kind of writers that the divided heart

looking for.

Okay, Kirk. Yeah.

We're partners.

But if we're gonna try this, we're gonna
have to make a serious, dedicated

effort. Hey, John, I'm with you.

Okay.

Okay, we just started my place tomorrow.
We'll need a...

typewriter and some paper and... And a
secretary. We don't need a secretary.

I'll do the typing.

Oh, yeah. Well, then, who's gonna sit on
my lap while you're working?

Bayside Motel?

I'm calling to confirm a reservation for
next Saturday night.

Now, the name is Connors.

Right. Queen -size bed will be perfect.

No, just for the one night.

Okay. Thanks.

Oh.

Louise, honey bunch.

Working late Saturday night, are we? All
right, then. Who is she? Who's the

tart? No, Louise, you got this all
wrong. There's no tart.

There's tart working with the
thingamajig of the boy. Yeah, the

is... You couldn't understand.

I refuse to listen to any more of your
lies. I said I'm not going to listen.

Please, if you just...

next week?

Your father?

The motel room is for him.

Your father?

And you didn't want me to meet him?

Ben, you're ashamed of me, aren't you?

No, it's just that my father's kind of
old -fashioned. And I was sort of

about him finding out that I was seeing
someone... Just say it, Ben. Someone

older than you?

Louise, you know it doesn't make any
difference to me. But you don't know my

father.

He can sometimes be a little
insensitive.

Oh, who am I kidding? A man scares the
hell out of me.

Ben, I'm sure he's not the ogre you're
making him out to be.

Come on, I want you to call your father
and tell him we're having dinner

together. I'll charm him off his feet.

Charm him off his feet?

It's just what my mother used to say.

God bless her, she died trying.

This is good. This is good. I got a real
feeling about this partnership. I think

we're doing something really special,
John.

Okay. Read back what we got so far.

Lance Anderson says hi.

I like it! I like it!

Yeah, well, I don't.

Why? Because I thought of it? Oh, come
on, Kurt. For the thousandth time, Lance

would never say hi.

What? You're not the kind of man that
can hide.

Fine.

Have it your way.

Oh, come on. What are you doing? Oh, you
know Lance so well. Why don't you ask

him what I'm doing?

Look, look.

Kirk. Don't! You touch me.

Kirk, we're getting nowhere.

Look, we have to establish some ground
rules.

I mean, if we're going to work together,
we have to be mature enough to

encourage each other and respect each
other's ideas.

Okay? Okay. Come on, let's get back to
work. All right.

Okay. Forget about hi, forget about
hello.

All we really need is for Lance to walk
in, pick Vicki up in his arms, and carry

her into the bedroom. Wait a minute!
Wait a minute!

That's good.

Very good.

They kept and tumbled onto the bed where
they slipped.

and glide on satin sheep.

They make mad, passionate, loud.

There's a flurry of hands correcting
flesh.

They make mad, passionate, loud. Yes!

Repeatedly. Yes!

Yes! Yes!

Completely spent, they call it sleep,
and he covers his arm.

The next morning, they wake up.

He looks into his eyes.

I smile.

Lance takes her face in his hand, looks
at her tenderly, and he says, Hi,

Lance.

Lance would never say hi. He says no.

I

am

not nervous.

Will you stop telling me I'm nervous?
You're one who's nervous.

I'm not nervous.

Oh, my God, he's here.

Ben, stop it. Now, you go ahead. I'll
join you in a minute. I've just got to

my face. But, Louise... Ben, you're
going to be just fine.

Now, just march right over there and
don't let him treat you like a little

Okay. Good.

And stop slouching.

Hi, Dad.

Great to see you.

Dad, you look terrific.

Well, come over here, son. Give your
father a nice, big, warm handshake.

Listen, Dad, there's something I want to
tell you. Oh, good. There's something

I'd like to tell you, too.

Over here, honey.

Ben, meet Sarah, your new stepmother.

Stepmother? Hiya, Ben.

Here was destiny, Ben. Right here.

Yeah, we were on the same wavelength
right from the very first moment we met.

took one look at her, and she knew
exactly what I wanted.

Double Whopper large fries.

So naturally, you decided to get
married.

Well, I know Ben.

Sarah's just a puppy.

When a guy and a gal are in love, what's
the little age difference?

Well, I'm glad you said that, because
there's a gal I'm in love with, and

there's a little age difference in our
relationship, too.

Oh, good boy.

You see?

The apple doesn't fall far from the
tree.

That's my Louise. That's her talking to
the waitress over there.

Oh, come on. You're pulling my leg.

You picked the oldest woman in the room
just to make a little joke on me?

Sorry to keep you all waiting.

I was in the older lady's room.

apologize for that little snafu before
there.

It's just when I first saw how mature
you are, I just, uh, well, I never

that you'd be my little Ben's
girlfriend.

Of course.

It could happen to anyone.

Unfortunately, it happened to happen to
me.

Oh, how's everybody doing over here?

Oh, Kate, I can't tell you how good it
is to see you.

Kate is a friend of ours. She owns the
restaurant. Kate, this is my father.

Oh. Oh, well, it's a pleasure to meet
you, Mr.

Connors. Oh, then you must be Ben's
little sister.

Now I'm his stepmother.

Excuse me, I have to go into the
kitchen. I believe I smell something

Bertie.

Well, you sure got lucky snaring my
little boy, huh, Lois?

It's Louise.

Oh.

But, you know, you do sort of look like
a Lois.

Louise.

Sorry to keep you guys waiting.

You folks ready for a drink?

Oh, yes, please. I'd love a glass of
white wine. I'll have the same. Me too.

too.

I'm sorry, but I'm going to need to see
some ID.

Oh, how embarrassing.

This happens all the time.

Here you go.

Take it, take it, take it.

Thank you.

And the young lady?

Okay, I'll have a Coke.

Well, where did you two first meet?

Oh, at the community center. Louise runs
a support group there.

Oh, so you're like a therapist?

No, I counsel people who are recently
divorced, separated, or widowed.

Which of those are you?

Widowed. I killed him.

She's kidding, Dad. She's kidding.

Tell Dad you're kidding.

You tell him I'm kidding.

Excuse me.

So, where did you two go on your
honeymoon?

SeaWorld. It was always a dream of mine
to ride Shamu.

Would you like a drink, ma 'am?

Who told you to call me ma 'am? He told
you to call me ma 'am, didn't he? Give

me a drink and don't call me ma 'am.
Yes, sir.

I can tell by your body language that
things are going extremely well. I've

never been so humiliated in my life as
being a complete ass.

Oh, Ben's father's giving you a hard
time, huh?

I'm talking about Ben.

He's so intimidated by his father that
he's allowing him to rip me to shreds

he's not doing one thing about it.

I'd rather mind to go over there and
break a chair over both their heads.

Oh, you don't want to break a chair over
anybody's head. The worst thing you can

do right now is to lose your temper.

Louise, will you come on back to the
table? Dad thinks you don't like him.

Here, use my chair. It's heavier.

Ben, have a seat.

Sure.

Ben, your charming father made all those
snide remarks about me and you just sat

there.

What does it take to shake you up?
Louise, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I

should have stood up for you, but I've
never been able to handle him.

I just thought if we could get through
tonight, then he'd go away and we could

get back to our lives.

All right, then.

I guess I shouldn't have pushed you into
this.

I disappointed you.

No, no.

Come on.

Let's get back to the table. I'll be
good. I promise.

But, Bill, I don't want to give up my
career.

Who says a married woman can't be a drum
majorette?

Glad to see you two.

Sarah and I were wondering where you
went off to.

Well, it's nice to be missed.

Well, good, good.

Louise, would you pass the bread,
please?

Pass the bread?

That's it. I've had it.

Louise, I'm sorry. I'm not going to let
him talk to you like that.

Ben, I don't like the tone of your
voice.

Well, get used to it. My voice has
changed.

What kind of hypocrite are you anyway,
criticizing my relationship because of

our age difference? And here you are
married to a girl who's a hell of a lot

younger than Louise is, older.

It's none of your business who I'm in a
relationship with.

I chose to be with this woman because
she's beautiful and sensitive and

intelligent. And if you can't accept us,
that's just too darn bad. Come on,

Louise, let's go.

Ta -ta.

Nice to meet you.

I'm so proud of you, Ben.

You finally stood up to your father.

What do you say we go back to your place
as fast as we can?

Feeling a little amorous, are we?

No, I think I'm going to throw up.

Oh, good. That's the perfect way to
start scene two. Yeah, and dead.

Lance. walks into the meat locker and he
finds Angela and Charles frozen in an

embrace.

But he doesn't know what to do because
he loves Angela and he hates Charles.

So, he thaws them out with a blowtorch.

And he bludgeons Charles to death with a
veal shank.

You're a genius.

No, you're the genius.

Come on.

You know, John, I have a feeling this
idea might be too good to waste on that

soap opera. You know, you're right.
You're right. This could be a movie.

could be a blockbuster.

I hate to be the voice of reality, but
you just

started and now you're going to write a
movie?

Don't you think you're jumping the gun a
little?

Annie, when we write this movie, you've
got to pardon it.

Oh, my God!

you two were able to work so well
together. Well, you know, Louise, it was

of bumpy at the start, but we kind of
stuck with it.

And we both learned that when you're
working with another person, you have to

let go of your ego and open yourself to
your partner's ideas. We would get on

these roles.

That's right as fuck.

And we would just get so caught up in
the whole creative process that when we

looked at the final product...

We couldn't tell who wrote what.

Hey, everybody.

Hey, Mary Beth. Listen, we got so
excited about writing that scene that we

couldn't wait to show it to you. Yes, so
we hand -delivered it to the producers

ourselves. Right.

So I heard.

Oh, so, huh?

What did you hear?

Well, guys, there's no easy way to tell
you this, but, well, the producers hate

your writing.

Didn't mean to hate.

Oh, I think they did.

They also asked me for a picture of the
two of you to put up by the front door

in case you ever try to get in the
building again.

Some nerves.

They won't buy our script, but they want
a picture of us.

Well, we gave it our best shot, buddy.

Oh, and you had such dreams. I am sorry.

What didn't they like?

That scene was brilliant. It was better
than brilliant.

Well, they hated that part where Amber
slips into a coma.

Oh, that was John's idea. My idea? Come
on, you came up with that.

Oh, and you know the part where Nurse
Sophie pushed Dr.

Hawthorne off that cliff? That was
Kirk's stupid idea. That was your stupid

idea. That was your idea. You were
typing. You were typing.

Sorry, it was your idea. Guys, that's
the one thing they liked.

That was my idea.

Great, okay, let's go.

Donald walks to the door, and he says,
So long!

Donald would never say, So long!

He says, Goodbye!

He says, So long!

He says, Goodbye!

So long!

Goodbye! He says, So long! He says,
Goodbye!

So long!

Goodbye!