Original subtitles

My little puppy, Skipper, that I loved so much, was just lying there.

I was only seven, and I had never, ever faced death before.

And then my daddy said, even though you've lost Skipper, he'll always be

you.

We went out underneath the magnolia tree, and we dug a little hole, and then

put Skipper in this little beechwood box.

If I'm not mistaken, the coat rack is ringing.

That's right.

I'm using today's technology to handle tomorrow's women.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Baber phone.

Hello. Kirk here on cellular.

What do you mean, bring the phone back?

I only missed one payment.

It was my first payment.

I'm sorry, I can't hear you. I'm getting interference from this piece of crap

you tried to sell me.

Sorry, Mary Beth.

I didn't mean to interrupt your story. Please forgive me.

The least thing I want to seem like I am is insensitive.

Now, let's get back to your dead money.

Dear John is filmed before a studio audience.

I still can't believe it. This great guy, Bob Benson, finally called me. You

know, he took my number over a month ago.

Well, it just goes to show you there's always hope.

Never give up. Never give up. But how about you and me? Give up, Kirk.

Come on, right. You and me, a nice romantic evening.

Thanks, Kirk, but I'd rather hang by my earlobes.

What does it say? That we can't do both.

Excuse me.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Tina Marie.

Ooh, ooh, ooh.

I'm on my way. Don't put it on until I get there.

Nice that Tina Marie is up and around again after her lobotomy.

All right, all right. Kate, tell us about your fabulous date. I'm green with

envy. Where is this Benson chap taking you? Oh, that's the best part. In

one hour, yours truly will be waltzing through the brass doors of Au Petit

Fleur. Au Petit Fleur?

always wanted to say that.

Aunt Kate?

Danny. Oh, excuse me, everybody. This is my nephew, Danny.

Danny, what are you doing here? How'd you find me? Can I talk to you outside,

please? Sure, sure. I'll be right back.

Kate never told us she had a nephew, Danny.

So what? I never told you I had a nephew, Shirley.

So, can I stay with you, Aunt Kate?

Of course you can stay with me, but I thought you came into the city to visit

your father.

No, I came here because Mom made me. She's the one who wants me to see Dad.

I don't want to be with somebody who doesn't want to be with me. Oh, Danny.

Hi, Kate.

Oh, hi, John.

John, this is my nephew, Danny. Oh, Danny.

I can see the family resemblance. You got your aunt's luggage.

Hey, Kate, don't you have luggage like that?

Stop. Okay, now go call your mom and tell her that you won't be staying with

your father. You'll be staying with me. All right. Thanks a lot, Aunt Kate.

Well, right after that, my nephew had his operation.

Now he's my niece, Walter.

I see. Danny has a problem with his father. Hi, everybody.

Hi, Mom.

Yeah, poor kid. He's really going through a rough time.

Oh, thanks. He just...

He hasn't been able to adjust since his parents got divorced.

That is a problem.

Yeah, of course. He feels abandoned by his father.

That's exactly what my sister says. How did you know that?

Kate, I'm a teacher. I deal with teenagers all the time.

You see, because of his father, Danny can't trust people anymore.

Well, therefore, he finds it difficult to open up to adults. You know,

figures. Tell me about it. Both my sister and I have tried to get through

Danny, but no luck.

Well, sometimes you just need a guy.

Tell me about it.

Kate, just give me a couple hours with that kid, and believe me, he'll open up.

I guarantee you, he'll see the light, he'll call his father. Good show, John.

John, do you really think that you can get through to him? Why don't you drop

off that kid at my apartment tomorrow, and I heard there was a car show at the

convention center. You know how teenagers love cars?

Okay, so then after that, we'll come back to my place, we'll play a little

music, I'll have a little talk with that boy, he'll call his father.

Oh, God, you don't know how much this means to me. Thanks, John.

I'd better get back to Danny. Oh, Louise, could you do me a big favor?

call Bob Benson for me and tell him I'm sorry, but I have to cancel our date?

I'll tell him I'll call him tomorrow.

Oh, poor Kate.

Missing out on your date with Mr.

Benson. No champagne, no celebrities, no elegant dinner.

Just so you can be with your nephew.

Tell you what.

Why don't I keep an eye on him for you?

Oh, no, no, that's sweet, but it is his first night in town, and he is my

nephew. I meant Mr. Benson.

Just a thought.

I tell you, Danny, someday we're going to laugh about this.

I could have swore that guy on the radio said it was a car show.

My mistake.

But did we or did we not have fun at that greeting card show?

Yeah.

Awesome. You know what surprises me?

When you peel away their facades, people in the station area are just like you

and me.

What time is Aunt Kate coming to pick me up? Don't worry about it. We've still

got plenty of time together.

Do you mind if I listen to some music? No, not at all. We're probably in the

same groove.

What do you got?

Milli Vanilli. Milli Vanilli. I love her.

Milli Vanilli is two guys.

Oh, I probably had them mixed up with Liza Vanilli.

That's a joke.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Okay, can I listen to my CD now? Yes. Oh, boy, that's a beauty. Where did you

get this?

My father gave it to me.

Oh, that was thoughtful of him.

Right before he walked out.

I call it the guilt gift.

You know, Danny...

There are a few things you should understand.

That divorce was probably as hard on your father as it was on you.

You know, giving you that gift was probably your father's idea of easing

suffering.

Deep down in your heart, you have to know he loves you.

And you really love... You're a Milli Vanilli.

Well, hi, Kirk.

What?

Why?

But why?

Okay.

Why did you just ring the doorbell?

You were always telling me I should call first.

Who's this squirt?

Kate's nephew.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

How's it going?

How's it going?

Cool phone.

Yeah. Should I try that?

Yeah, in a minute. I'm expecting an incoming from my date du jour.

Oh, Danny, this is Kirk. Kirk, Danny.

Hey, Danny.

Hi. Hi, how you doing?

Whoa!

Hey, great CD.

Oh, thanks. Yeah.

You mind? Oh, no, no, go ahead.

Whoa,

Milly Vanilly!

almost as good as the one in my car.

You have a CD player in your car?

No. I got Milli Vanilli in my car. Of course I got a CD player in my car.

Wait a minute, Kirk. Since when do you have a car?

John, feast your eyes on my love chariot.

The red beauty.

Whoa!

It's a Miata. What, did you rent that?

Within an eye towards buying.

If I can get the dealer to come down $4 ,000 and accept the refrigerator as a

trade -in, he is mine.

Well, congratulations, Kirk. What you have to do now is go out and steal the

refrigerator.

I bet that baby really moves, huh? Oh, yeah.

You want to take a spin?

Really? Sure, why not?

Yeah, I mean, that'd be great.

Hey, Danny, I thought you and I were going to go down to the school yard and

play a little one -on -one. Oh, yeah, that's right.

Okay, if that's what you want.

No, we can play one -on -one any time. Go ahead with Kirk. Have a good time.

Be careful. I'll see you later.

Okay. Great. We'll take a ride out to the beach. Get your coat. I'll put the

down. All right.

John, can I talk to you for a moment?

John, do you by any chance have a five -gallon can of gas lying around?

No, but it's on my shopping list.

Okay, okay. I'll buy my own gasoline.

Let me at one.

Here.

Are you telling me that little car of yours takes $20 worth of gas?

Eventually it will.

John, could you get that?

Hi, Kate. Hi, John. Hi, Kate. Hi, Danny.

You don't mind if we go to the beach, do you?

Mine? No, no, of course not. Have a great time.

We will. This guy is really cool.

Oh, John. John, I'm really impressed. No, no, Kate, you don't understand. You

see, I didn't really... Oh, stop.

This is no time to be monosound. This is exactly what Danny needs, a good, solid

male influence.

Yeah, I know. Hey, Red.

Okay, slick, a little must for the road. The babes love it.

Sure.

Red, you've got a great nephew here.

Oh, if you need us, here's the number on my cellular phone.

You're going with Kirk?

Uh, yeah. I asked John. He said it was okay.

Okay, kid.

We are all like a rum dress.

Is everybody here? No.

Well...

People hear my little Nigel. He's barely a year old and he's already learned how

to speak.

I'm not saying this just because I'm his mother, but I think he may be a genius.

Teacher, I work with teenagers all the time. I'll get him to see the light. You

couldn't get a firefly to see the light. Kate, what are you complaining about?

Danny is finally opening up to somebody. That's exactly what you wanted.

It just happens to be with Kirk instead of me.

Wow, Daddy chose Kirk over you, John? Yeah, well... Isn't it funny? Here you

are, a father and a teacher. Wow. I mean, you said yourself that with your

patience and understanding there wasn't a kid on earth. Wow.

No wonder he chose Kirk over you, John.

Nobody likes a grouch.

Kate, perhaps you're overreacting about your nephew.

Now, who'd like to hear my little Nigel eating?

By the way, this is his very own recipe.

Uh, maybe, maybe later, Louise.

All right, okay, I'm sorry I yelled at you. All right?

I'm just...

I'm just worried about Danny spending so much time with Kirk.

Oh, come on, Kate. How much influence can Kirk have over that nephew of yours?

Danny is a very smart kid. Now, you just take it from me. That kid will see

through Kirk like a shower door.

Yo, we're right.

And, Fred, you ought to see the babes down in that aerobics class.

Shower door, my John.

Who's the chickling?

The whom?

Is he too much?

Thanks for your help, John. I guarantee you, Kate, it's just a phase. Just a

phase. Aunt Ray, you'll never guess what Kirk did today. Put a cherry bomb down

a public toilet?

Please, Ralphie, that's our thing.

He got us tickets to Phantom of the Opera. Phantom of the Opera!

The Broadway, it's a theater.

Gee, that's very impressive, introducing him to culture.

Yeah, gee, Donnie, how'd you like the show?

What show? We scalped the tickets and made 50 bucks apiece.

May I see you in the storage room for a moment? Oh, yeah, sure, Red.

But I gotta warn you, I'm all out of phantom tickets.

No, please.

Oh, Red, a little rough.

I like it.

Listen, Kirk, about you and Danny... Smart kid.

I'm honored that he worships me.

Well, no more.

To put it bluntly, I don't want you and Danny hanging out together anymore.

Why not?

Because you're a bad influence.

Me?

Hey, he happens to like me, and I like him, too. And if you got a problem with

that, that's your problem.

You're right. You're right, Kirk. It is my problem. You see...

I've been trying to get Danny to communicate with his father, not to

time running around with you, scoping babes and scalping tickets.

Now, I want you to go out there and tell Danny that you're not going to see him

anymore.

Not a chance.

All right. All right, then I'll tell him. You know something, Red?

Do whatever you want.

Come on, Danny.

Let's go get a bite to eat.

Uh, what about Kurt?

Oh, no, never mind, Kirk. Let's just go.

Well, let me just find out what time we're going to meet tomorrow. No, no.

You're not meeting Kirk tomorrow.

Well, why not? Well, he's too busy. He doesn't have time for you.

I knew it.

I knew it. He's blowing me off, isn't he? No, no, Danny, you don't understand.

I don't understand?

Look, I've been through this before.

No, Danny, please. Forget it, all right? I'll meet you out front. Danny!

I really won him over, didn't I?

I don't know, Kate. He seemed pretty upset to me.

All right, all right, all right, all right, all right. I screwed up. I

up royally.

Boy, now Danny's mad at his father, he's mad at me, and he's mad at Kirk.

Kate, you want a little free advice? No.

What?

Well, you wanted Danny to start trusting people again, didn't you?

Well, it looks like he was starting to get there with Kirk.

If you want to help Danny, maybe you should start to trust people a little

more.

Even Kirk.

Yeah, especially Kirk.

You know, when you get to know him, he's really a great guy.

I just can't face it.

Well?

Hi, Kirk, it's Kate.

Listen, I'm a total jerk.

It was really great of you to spend all that time with Danny, and all I can say

is I'm really, really sorry.

Listen, I'll do anything to make it up to you.

Except that.

Danny, what are you doing out here in the cold?

Ooh, here comes a warm front.

And a really cool behind.

Speaking of which...

What's biting your butt?

I thought you were my friend.

And who may I ask said anything to the contrary?

Aunt Kate told me that you don't want to see me anymore. Hey, when I don't want

to see somebody anymore, I will personally inform them of that fact.

So don't go jumping to conclusions.

Is that the same thing you did when your old man left?

You don't know any... about that. I mean, he walked out on me, and he just,

just laughed. How can, how can anybody, how can a father just walk out? Whoa,

whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Do you see a priest collar around this night?

You got a beef with your old man, you take it up with him. Nah, got nothing to

say to him. Oh,

you're just gonna let him off the hook just like that, huh?

Boy, oh boy.

With my old man, I'd be all over him, telling him how I felt.

I want to wimp out.

It's because I was afraid.

I'm not a wimp, and I'm not afraid. I say wimp, and I say scared. Otherwise,

you'd pick up the phone, you'd call your old man, and you would have it out with

him once and for all.

That is if you want to wimp.

Okay. All right. Fine, I'll talk to him. Will you just get off my back?

Who's on your back?

That's why you're not calling.

Okay, tonight.

Tonight? Tonight. Okay.

Fine. Good.

Check it out.