Original subtitles

By the time you

Me, though, this torture should be roared in dismal hell.

Now, who did Shakespeare write that speech for?

For somebody who could act?

Juliet.

Saved by the bell.

Oh, remember, Monday is career day. We're going to have a guest speaker

of the usual lesson.

Right. That means you get twice as much homework for Tuesday.

Oh, wow. Right.

Who is this guest speaker, anyway?

He's a former student of mine.

From the very first English class I ever saw.

All right, we're going to meet George Burns.

Keep that sense of humor. You're going to need it when you get your report

Hey, John.

Old buddy.

Hi, Brad. Listen, Brad, I'd love to chat, but I've got to run down to the

union to apply for a loan.

Again? John, they're going to name a wing after you.

What's the design?

Oh, I need $1 ,800 for my son to go to Europe to play soccer.

Soccer? Your son?

Wow, who would ever think you'd have a jock in your family?

Well, it's a great opportunity for Matt, but luxuries like this, they're really

rough on a teacher's salary. Hey, tell me about it. I'm still paying off that

Nintendo I bought last Christmas.

Oh, yeah, did your kid like it?

Yeah, right, like I really let him touch it.

John, buddy, I need a favor.

It's about our headmaster's son.

Oh, you mean Stretch Hendricks? Yeah, he just left.

As you know, he's also on my varsity basketball team. Now, I understand he

hasn't been doing too well in your class. Hold it right there, Brad.

Hold it right there. Now, I know all about those little favors that the

department asks from the academic department, so count me out. I would

pass a student just to keep him eligible for the basketball team.

Great. Then I can count on you to flunk him.

What do you mean, flunk him?

John, the kid can't shoot. He can't jump. He can't run.

The other day, the other day, I told him to sit on the bench. He tried.

He missed.

Excuse me. Hi, coach.

Hiya, Stretch.

I forgot my coat.

You see what I mean?

Never mind.

You expect me to intentionally flunk a student? Yeah, John, it would just be

this grading period, and then basketball season is over.

Next quarter, you can bump them up a grade. It'll all balance out.

Oh, no,

forget it. Look, you're the coach, right? You don't want them on the team?

cut them.

Me? Cut the headmaster's son?

Sure, that's going to look great on my resume.

John.

class that they're giving here at the center. What kind of class?

Well, we'll give you a hint.

Well, I guess we can rule out tap dancing.

Well, even if we don't become the Rockettes, tap dancing is an excellent

exercise.

I'm the one who could use some exercise.

I don't even get to walk anymore.

That new boyfriend of mine has me riding around in a limousine day in and day

out.

Hi, everyone. Sorry I'm late.

I was held up in a job interview.

Job interview? But you have a job teaching.

Yes, I know I do, Ralph, but I'm going to need to do a little moonlighting now.

John, are there any monetary problems?

Well, you must know. Yes. Oh, dear.

Yeah. My kid's pocket team is going to Europe at the first of the month.

It's going to cost me a bundle.

John, John, John.

That really hurt.

You got a cash flow problem? You didn't come to me?

Your buddy, your pal, your compañero?

What do you need?

$1 ,800.

Not any more than you bought.

Well, thank you, Kirk.

Now I only need $1 ,795.

Yeah, you still cash that till Thursday.

Yeah, well, I appreciate it, Kirk, but I've already applied for a loan from the

credit union.

Oh, well, if you're getting a loan, why do you need another job?

So I can pay back the loan.

Oh, you're one of those guys.

John, what kind of job did you apply for?

Oh, it's not important.

It's just something in retailing.

Oh, you mean like Macy's or Bloomingdale's? Well, not exactly.

Well, what is it?

It's an all -night mini -mart, but it's a very good one.

Wow! You'll be making slurpees!

Well, eventually, yes.

For the first couple of weeks, I'll be in training. That is, if I do get the

job. But I have to have my final interview with the night manager. He

there. His high school prom is tonight.

John, this job you're taking at the miniature market... No, that's the mini

market.

Whatever. It's an admirable undertaking, but are you sure you're not just trying

to buy your child's approval? You know, many weekend fathers spoil their...

children because they feel guilty about the divorce.

No, no, no. Louise, I'm not just doing this for Matthew. See, I'm doing it for

myself, too.

I mean, fathers are supposed to be able to do things for their sons, right?

And my son's not going to be penalized because his father happens to be an

underpaid English teacher.

Even if that means working nights, making slurpees for a boss whose

poet is L .L. Cool J.

Boy, John, if I ever had kids...

I hope they have a father just like you.

If you really want to make publishing your career, there's something

you should remember.

Publishing is a tough career to break into.

But if you persevere, you can do it.

At Denmark Publishing, we're constantly on the lookout for bright, eager minds.

Okay, we have time for just one last question, so make it a good one.

Boy, you're a big hit.

Yeah, Sandy. When you were a student in Mr. Lacey's class, what was he like back

then? Was he cute?

Well, looks like we're out of time, isn't it?

To tell you the truth, all of the girls had a crush on him.

He reminded us of John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever.

What was Saturday Night Fever?

That's the history teacher.

Okay, that's it.

Thank you, everybody. And remember, the same as tomorrow. Read the same book,

all right?

Same material, same everything.

Oh, I had a great time, Mr. Lacey.

Thanks for inviting me. Oh, please, stop with the Mr. Lacey. I guess I can't

help it. I still think of you as my favorite teacher. Well, thanks. That's

to hear.

I still can't believe it. I mean, look at you. You're a big executive.

Seems like only yesterday I was yelling at you in my class for snapping your

gum.

It wasn't gum.

It was the rubber bands on my braces.

Oh. Well, I apologize.

It's okay, Mr. Lacey.

Oh, come on. Call me John.

Okay.

John.

It's a funny sounding name, isn't it? John.

Barbara, again, I can't thank you enough for coming today. Hey.

It was the least I can do.

You know, you were the inspiration for my going into publishing in the first

place. Okay, I was? Really?

So remember, I owe you one. Well, thank you.

Hey, uh... I bet you get swamped with a lot of manuscripts that you have to read

down there, right? Oh, yeah.

Everybody's a writer.

Well, I'm just thinking, you know, I like to keep up with the latest trends

literature and...

I have so darn much time on my hands. Why don't I read some of those

for you on the weekend?

You know, sort of a part -time thing.

We don't hire part -time help.

It's company policy.

Oh. Well, yeah, I understand.

But, you know, if you're interested, we do have a full -time position open for

an associate editor.

Me? An editor?

Well... Yeah, with your eye for quality writing and your knowledge of

literature, who better than you?

And a starting salary isn't too bad, either. Fifty -two thousand.

Well, thank you. I'm very flattered, but my job is here. I'm a teacher. I'm an

educator. $52 ,000.

Dollars.

No, no, no, no, no, no. No, I can't leave the kids. You know, I really love

those kids.

Well, most of them.

I mean, a few of them.

Okay, okay. I'm not going to push it. Well, thanks anyway.

My pleasure.

$55 ,000.

Interesting. He gets a good test.

$55 ,000.

John. Oh, hi, Dr. Hendricks. Yes.

John, I have to talk to you.

But what I have to say is said not as your boss, not as the headmaster, but as

parent. My son tells me that he's been working very hard on some sort of paper

for your class.

Oh, yes, stretch. Yeah, yeah. It's a term paper. It's worth 60 % of the

And when it comes to grading, I'm sure that you'll be impartial and

objective.

Yeah, as always.

Good. Good.

Just as I'll be impartial and objective when it comes to deciding the English

department's new budget.

Are you saying this as a parent or as a boy?

That's very funny.

As a boss.

Right. Well, I'm sure that impartiality and objectivity will certainly win out.

As always.

Oh, this came to the office. It's something from the credit union.

Okay. Oh, hi, Dr. Hendricks.

Nice suit.

John, what did Hendricks want? Any problems with his marriage? Maybe his

will leave him and take the kid.

Oh, damn.

Credit union turned me down.

Oh, no.

How would you believe it? I must be an idiot putting up with all this damn

foolish school politics.

And with students who make me feel like I'm interrupting their MTV time shoving

literature down their throats. I do all this and I still have to scrounge to

provide a little something special for my own son.

Poor guy.

Oh, Mr.

Reams, I'm afraid we're just not cut out for tap dancing.

We're thinking of using our feet for firewood.

Wait.

You can't get discouraged now. It's going to take a little time to get your

sisters moving.

Come on, let me see your tap stuff there.

Come on, come on.

Well,

like I said, it's going to take some time.

It's going to take a whole mess of time.

I'm afraid we're hopeless.

No, no such thing.

Trust me.

A little practice, you'll be able to do things like this in no time.

See you, ladies. Keep practicing, okay?

Hey, Jill.

Hey.

Do you think we'll ever be able to dance like he does?

Oh, don't be silly.

Of course not.

Hello, everybody.

Hi.

I think you better talk to Ralph.

What's his name, Ralph?

Oh, the pressure's getting to me.

First company sent me this new aftershave in the mail along with this

questionnaire.

What's it called?

Sparge.

Sparge? Yeah, they claim it'll bring any woman to attention.

They make body lotions.

what to put on this card.

They say that my response represents the opinion of 15 million men.

Well, what I like isn't what other men like. What I don't like is exactly what

other men would like, but because I don't like it, they won't have a chance

like it or not for themselves.

Why don't you just put down undecided?

I did.

Then I scratched it out.

Tell me what you think.

Does it smell masculine?

Oh, yeah, Ralph, it sure does.

Hey, guys.

Hey,

Red.

Little butch tonight, huh?

Oh, I'm at the end of my rope.

I don't have the money for Matthew's trip.

And the credit union turned me down. What happened?

Oh, they got some ridiculous rule about not lending you more money than you can

pay back in your lifetime.

We're sorry, Joe.

Yes, oh, my.

I've been a teacher for 17 years, and what have I got to show for it? A credit

union form letter that tells me that I've reached my limit.

Well, they're right. I have. I've reached my limit.

I'm so sick of worrying about money.

Have you thought about telling Matthew that you can't afford to send him?

I'll break his heart.

He may be disappointed, John, but life is a group process.

That's right, John.

Disappointment helps your character. You bet.

Disappointment has made me the man I am today.

Oh, God.

Poor Matthew.

No, it's true.

It's true. When I was just a little tight, Hollywood came knocking at my

Producers were on a nationwide search to find just the right child actor for the

television role of the century. They auditioned over 100 ,000 children

for this particular part. It came down to me and this buckle -faced little

Aw, you didn't get it?

What are you kidding? They were begging me.

But... My mother didn't want to move to California and talk about breaks.

Thinks he got me the other way.

I would have been the beaver.

Well, I guess I'm going to just have to be honest with Matthew.

Hope he doesn't hate me.

He's really going to be crushed when he finds out he can't go to Belgium.

Oh, that was good pizza.

Yeah, it was, Dad. But I really missed the pepperoni.

Well, you know something, Matthew?

To tell you the truth, I couldn't afford the pepperonis.

Good job, Dad.

Well, listen, son.

I want to have a little talk with you.

Sure. About what?

Well, you know how when you have a really big disappointment in life and it

really hurts, but somehow you learn from it and in the long run, you become a

better person?

You mean like when Bucky, my hamster, died?

Oh, uh, well, uh, yeah, yeah, like that.

Remember how disappointed you were?

Well, so was I.

I mean, losing that little hamster made me a better person.

At least now I check the pockets of my pants before I throw them in the dryer.

Look,

Matthew, you may not like what I'm about to say, but I'm going to have to tell

it to you straight.

You know, sometimes, uh...

Things just don't turn out the way you planned them, and you could get very

disappointed.

Now, about that trip to Europe with your soccer team.

Oh, Dad, thanks for letting me go. You're the best dad in the whole world.

Now, back to disappointment.

Matthew.

I'm going to be very disappointed if you don't knock the pants off that Belgian

team.

John, I can't tell you how happy I am that you decided to accept our offer.

Well, I thought that I needed a change of scenery, you know, a new challenge, a

chance to explore new horizons.

Not to mention $55 ,000 a year.

Hi, Mladen. Oh, grato mu, Miss Bennet.

John, this is Mladen Mazarek.

He works in the mailroom. I am very pleased to be meeting you, sir.

Oh, magic. That check is a bargain, right?

Very good.

Oh, if you ever need anything, just remember, the check is in the mailroom.

Very good.

And this is the office of one of our key people, Mr.

John Lacey.

Oh, wow.

Oh, you're kidding. This isn't going to be my office.

Wow.

I love it.

I always wanted a chair like that.

Go ahead. Sit in it. It's yours now.

Is it comfortable?

If it was any softer, I'd marry it.

Oh, look at that. A speakerphone.

Fool the trade.

I hate when people talk on these. You know, they're very impersonal. It's very

rude. You don't have to use it. Not a chance.

Is it up? Is it up? Mother hen to chicks. Mother hen to chicks. We've

bridge. We're moving on in.

Whatever you say, Mr. Lacey.

Oh, uh, thanks.

This is Chelsea, our receptionist.

John, as soon as you get settled in, I'd like you to look over a few of these

manuscripts we have in development.

Take him home if you need to.

Finally getting even with me for all that homework I gave you, huh?

I really should be going. I have to catch a plane to Toronto.

John, I'm so glad you decided to join us. Funny how things work out, isn't it?

Yeah. Fifteen years ago, you were that serious little girl in pigtails in the

fourth row, and now look at you. You are my boss.

Oh, boss.

That sounds so formal.

How about friends?

Okay, friend.

Yeah, that'll look better on the memos.

Welcome aboard.