Original subtitles

Hello, Kate.

Oh, hi, Louise.

Kate, before we begin, would you hand out these flyers, please? Oh, sure,

Louise. Hey, everybody.

Flyers.

What's this, a picnic?

Groups from the center are invited. It should be a very pleasant day.

Well, you can count me in. I love a good picnic.

Ah, the aroma of barbecued hamburgers roasting on a grill. Ah, the hot

corn on the cob. Ah, skinny dipping in the lake.

Chuck, I don't think that's a very good idea.

Mind your own business.

Gee, I remember the last time I went on a picnic.

About a couple years ago, it was Fourth of July.

Oh, where did you go?

We all drove up to Connecticut, me and Wendy and my friend Mike and his date.

found this beautiful clearing by a stream, and I was playing frisbee with

date and her dog, and Wendy went off to pick flowers with Mike.

When she came back, about an hour later, she had this beautiful flower in her

hair and big grass staying on her sundress.

And Mike was smoking a cigarette.

Yeah, nothing like a good picnic.

It's going to be even better than last year. They're going to have tug -of -war

and egg toss. Oh, and remember, it's port luck.

So everybody bring your favorite dish.

Okay, Red, I'm bringing you.

Kirk, I wouldn't get into a police car with you.

What's the matter, Ralphie? You get off on the wrong side of the Suzuki?

It's not a Suzuki.

It's a Harley.

My name's not Ralphie. It's Ralph.

Ralph, is there something you'd like to share with us?

Why? You writing a book?

Come on, Ralph. What's the problem? The problem is... The problem is... I got

this registered letter today.

Meet me. Bus station.

Tomorrow. Noon.

Guess who wrote that?

Tonto?

No.

Bloom Laika.

Bloom Laika? You mean your ex -wife?

Not ex, John.

We're still married.

You call that a marriage?

Ralphie, that Bulgarian babe only said I do so she could stay in the country.

Oh, come on, Kirk.

for sure why she married Ralph?

Oh, I think we know for sure.

He met her on the subway.

Three days later, they're standing in front of a minister. Ten seconds later,

she's out the door fast and you can say green card.

It's not exactly a case for unsolved mysteries here, you know.

Do you know why she wants to see you tomorrow?

That's what...

Can't get much worse than that.

Try to be supportive here. Hey, look for yourself. Looks like Jean Charlotte

with lipstick.

you not be interested. These single cruises are dynamite. All right, Kirk,

some other time.

I got it, I got it.

All right, John, but I hate to see you miss out. These cruise ships are

with your type of female.

Oh, and what is my type of female? You know, someone who's given up hope.

Buffy, look at you.

Move over, Julio Iglesias.

How you doing, John?

Well, You look great.

Thanks. I just went to meet Bloom Micah at the bus station.

So, what was it like?

Well, it's a smelly old building, a lot of benches. Oh, Ralph.

Not the bus station. Oh.

Ralph, try to follow the bright crumbs.

Just tell us about Bloom Micah. Did she tell you what she's been doing for the

past 14 months? She's been touring the country as a female wrestler.

That would have been my guess.

Ralph, that's, um... That's, uh... Isn't it, Kirk?

Put the words right out of my mouth, John.

Well, Micah's got a room at the Hotel Wainwright, and tonight we're finally

gonna have our... honeymoon.

You're just gonna take it back?

Did you try move?

And you look like a summer flower on a moonlit night.

Your words make me so hungry.

Then let's eat.

No hungry for food.

Hungry for mufti -wufti.

Mufti -wufti.

Well, Micah, I've had something for you.

Oh, which hopes so.

Here.

Oh, how beautiful.

A dead flower.

Yes, it's my nation from your bridal bouquet. You dropped it when you ran out

our wedding.

Right after you hurtled the pastry cart.

You want to take something off first?

Oh, yeah.

in country but can't do it again that that would be like hurting little poppy

i've learned to love means

i love you

What I mean is, we can't let her make the same mistake twice. Now, somebody's

got to talk to her. Well, it would have to be someone who could do it tactfully.

Yes, someone who's thoughtful and sensitive.

Why does it always have to be me?

John's got something he wants to tell you.

Uh,

yeah, yeah, I do, I do.

Uh, Ralph, about you and Bloom Laika. Oh, I know, isn't it wonderful?

You know, before Bloom Laika, the only other girl I felt this way about was

Gloria Rowan.

She was a girl in my eighth grade class.

One Valentine's Day, I made her a great big eight -by -ten valentine, and inside

I wrote, Will you be mine?

Gloria read it out loud in the cafeteria, and then she laughed.

And everybody laughed and threw rice pudding at me.

You can think what you like about Boom Laika, but she never, ever

laughed at me.

Listen. Uh, Ralph.

Yeah?

About the wedding.

Why don't you have it at my place?

Yeah.

I tell you what, Ralph, I'll order the food. I'm going to take care of the

flowers. Ralph, don't worry about the decorations. I'll take care of them.

get the cake.

And I'll pop out of it.

Sorry, forced a habit.

Louise, you really surprised me. That Bulgarian sautéed cabbage is a big hit

there. What's your secret?

I don't use cabbage.

Sorry I'm late.

Oh, Kirk, these flowers are beautiful.

What, Kirk? That must have cost you a fortune. How much do we owe you?

Please, don't offend me with talk about money, John.

Ralph's like a brother.

Flowers are on the Kirkster. Okay, let me help you with them.

Wow, boy, look at that.

Wait a minute, what is this?

With our deepest sympathy on the loss of your beloved Danny from all his friends

at the Elks Lodge 887.

Kirk, you took these from a funeral?

It was over.

today to join Ralph and Bloom Laika in marriage.

And toward that end, they have written their own vows.

Ralph?

I cried when you left me.

Oh, how I yearned.

My prayers have been answered, for now you've returned.

To have and to hold till death do us part.

Take all All of me, dear.

Especially my name.

Ralph.

I take you for husband.

vested in me by the state of New York, I now pronounce you husband and wife.

Ralph, you may kiss the bride.

You know who?

Oh, oh, oh, oh. I bet she's in the bedroom taking off that heavy gown. Oh,

gown. Yeah, yeah.

She must be in the kitchen. She couldn't wait to uncork the champagne.

The bathroom.

It's all yours.

Are you guys?

I don't want to be a party pooper, but I just saw something white go staring

around the corner.

Was it bloom lica? It was either bloom lica or a milk truck with a veil.

I was hoping it wouldn't turn out like this.

Ralph, uh... I don't know what to say, Ralph.

Laika gave me seven days of wonderful memories.

She made me feel so important when you watched me shave in the morning.

And it made me feel so secure just sitting in my chair, reading the paper,

knowing that my blue Laika was only a few feet away.

Clipping her toenails.

Clip, clip, and they soar across the room.

Very touching, Ralph.

I guess my memories of Bloom Laika will have to hold me until she comes back.

Ralph, I hate to say this, but I don't think she's ever coming back. Yeah.

Oh, I know my Bloom Laika.

I'll save this carnation for her.

She'll be back.

Right, Lou?

Right, Ralph.

Lou isn't really a minister.

Yeah, he works with me at the tunnel.

Wait a minute.

You mean to say you're not really married now?

Ralph, this is so unlike you to do something like this. I thought you loved

Yeah, I do love her. That's exactly why I did it. You see, it dawned on me that

if I married her, and she went away, I'd lose her forever.

This way I know she'll keep coming back.

Yep. She's my little Bulgarian boomerang.

Oh, that's very beautiful, Ralph.

Twisted, but beautiful.

Now, look, since we're all here, can we get a wedding picture for my scrapbook?

Sure, why not?

over here.

She'll be in it anyway, right?

Oh, okay. John? Huh? Could you move over and leave room for my bride?

Huh? Yeah, I just want to paste the picture of her right here. Oh.

Uh, John?

Yeah. Remember, this is Bloom Laika we're talking about.

Smile.

Next, a special presentation of the show the critics are raving about, Mancuso

FBI, on a special night next.

And Friday night, get in the swim and the Baywatch team will come to your

rescue. And if you missed it Tuesday, here's your chance to see an NBC world

premiere movie.

Tyne Daly and Richard Crenna are stuck with each other. Friday.

We adjourn. I'd just like to remind you all about the CPR class I'm teaching

tomorrow night, so that if the situation ever arises, you'll be in a position to

save someone's life.

I sure wish I knew CPR when my Uncle Leo died.

Maybe I could have saved him.

Oh, was it a heart attack?

I wouldn't be surprised. His parachute never opened.

I need a huge favor.

Yeah, sure, anything.

Yeah, well, you see, my friend's sister is in town for one night, and she'd love

to see the Rainbow Room. Well, I told her that I would take her, but something

came up. Would you fill in for me? You mean tonight?

I'm sort of busy. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Red.

Why are you talking to this mailman when you've got Federal Express right here?

So, by the way, what does this filly look like?

I've never met her, but her sister says that she has a great personality.

Okay, have a terrific time, John.

Well, sorry. Oh, John, come on. This is really important to me. Now, she's going

to meet me here any minute, and I can't take her. Kate, I've been through these

things a hundred times before. I'm telling you. You go there, you sit down,

has nothing to say, you have nothing to say. You both end up having a miserable

time. So, no, I'm never going to do that again.

Excuse me. Is one of you Kate?

Uh, yes, I'm Kate.