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1
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Hi, honey. I'm home.
2
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Dear John is filmed before a live studio
audience.
3
00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:06,040
Yes, sir, Mr. Lacey, that's some nice
shoe you got there.
4
00:01:06,660 --> 00:01:09,400
I understand, Mr. Lacey, you got a big
date tonight, huh?
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00:01:09,660 --> 00:01:11,740
That the lady, she's gonna be all over
you.
6
00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:15,400
Oh, Mr. Lacey, a hundred dollar tip.
7
00:01:15,740 --> 00:01:18,260
You's a very big sport, very big.
8
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Hey! just the moment I come into the
door.
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Kurt, what the hell are you doing here?
10
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John, why is it every time I walk in a
room, someone says that?
11
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Kurt, what do you want?
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What are you talking about?
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Don't you remember?
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00:01:36,780 --> 00:01:39,640
Tonight is the monthly one -to -one club
mixer dance.
15
00:01:40,020 --> 00:01:42,840
What makes you think I'd want to spend
an evening with a bunch of desperate,
16
00:01:42,980 --> 00:01:45,560
lonely people pretending to have fun
while they're dying inside?
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You haven't missed one yet.
18
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Besides, John, this isn't like one of
those regular punch -and -cookie deals.
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This is like a big fancy party. It's
over at that Dr.
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Osborne's house. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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There's gonna be, you know, stiff drinks
and loose women.
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Yeah, well, look, I'm sorry, Kurt, but
tonight I have a date, okay? Excuse me.
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Oh, yeah?
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What are you talking, John? Escort
service?
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Look, Kirk, Cindy happens to be a very
classy lady, and I happen to be looking
26
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forward to a very nice evening tonight,
so you'll just have to go without me.
27
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All right, John, have it your own way.
28
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But if you want to make a good
impression, I'll do something about the
29
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polish on that tie.
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Oh, damn!
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It's all right. It's all right. No big
deal.
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It's my favorite tie, but I'm not going
to let anything spoil this evening for
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you tonight.
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Yeah, uh... Now, who could this be?
35
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Who is it?
36
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Ken.
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What are you doing here? John, you're my
oldest and dearest friend.
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I'm a desperate man. My life is going
down the tubes. I'm this close to
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00:02:52,030 --> 00:02:53,170
myself in front of a bus.
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Yeah, well, the thing is, you see, I
have this date.
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John! All right, all right, I'm sorry.
42
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What is it?
43
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It's Maggie.
44
00:03:00,710 --> 00:03:03,410
Our marriage is crumbling before my
eyes. Again?
45
00:03:05,070 --> 00:03:08,350
Oh, I know it seems to happen every
three months, but this time it's
46
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We're a good week ahead of schedule.
47
00:03:10,570 --> 00:03:11,570
Listen, Ken.
48
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You and Maggie have always had a stormy
relationship.
49
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:16,960
You always said that's what makes your
marriage exciting.
50
00:03:17,340 --> 00:03:20,380
Yeah, well, I'll tell you, John, it's
times like this I really envy the
51
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and emptiness of your life.
52
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The other thing about that is, tonight I
happen to have a very important date.
53
00:03:25,620 --> 00:03:28,340
John, John, you've got to help me. I'm
at the end of my rope.
54
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Please, tell me what to do.
55
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Well, I would talk to her.
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You would?
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Absolutely.
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Okay. Okay, great.
59
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What are you doing?
60
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I can't let another minute go by. I'm
going crazy here. Oh, all right.
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00:03:43,020 --> 00:03:46,940
Listen, I would tell her that I loved
her, I can't live without her, and I
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do anything to make this right.
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Great, John. Okay.
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Hello, Maggie? Hold on. John has a few
things he wants to tell you. No, no, no.
65
00:03:54,280 --> 00:03:55,280
Hello,
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00:03:57,480 --> 00:04:01,160
Maggie. Yeah, Ken was just telling me
about the kind of problems you had.
67
00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:04,420
He also said that he loves you, he can't
live without you, and he would do
68
00:04:04,420 --> 00:04:05,420
anything to make this right.
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00:04:06,510 --> 00:04:08,990
Now, come on, Maggie. Of course he loves
you.
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00:04:09,330 --> 00:04:11,570
Just think of all those special things
he's done for you.
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00:04:12,490 --> 00:04:13,490
What special things?
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Oh, I know. How about that time last
April when he took you on that surprise
73
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weekend to Atlantic City?
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00:04:21,010 --> 00:04:22,010
No, no, no, no.
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00:04:22,570 --> 00:04:28,430
I see. You mean you've never been to
Atlantic City?
76
00:04:30,350 --> 00:04:31,570
Are you sure, Maggie?
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I must have been thinking about somebody
else.
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Oh, right.
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How about that lovely necklace he bought
you for your anniversary last
80
00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:41,030
September?
81
00:04:41,830 --> 00:04:44,930
Yeah, well, it was beautiful, right? I
mean, you must love that. I know,
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I was the one that helped him pick it
out.
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Your anniversary is in July.
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And he bought you a blender.
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He bought her a blender?
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Well, listen, I'm sure there's a...
Maggie? Hello? Hello? Hello?
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Well,
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thanks.
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Boy, that helped a lot. What are you
getting mad at me for? You're the one
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00:05:06,470 --> 00:05:07,470
been lying to everyone.
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00:05:07,850 --> 00:05:11,030
Who the hell was it we picked out that
necklace for? Who remembers?
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00:05:12,710 --> 00:05:15,790
Why don't I let you get me in the middle
of all this? Boy, I'm asking myself the
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same thing.
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I guess I better go home and try to undo
some of the damage you've done.
95
00:05:33,420 --> 00:05:34,420
Hi, Cindy, it's John.
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00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:36,940
Listen, about our date tonight, I'm
going to be a little late, but it'll
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take me a little while. Hmm?
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John Lacey.
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It'll just take me a few minutes more.
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00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:44,440
You did what?
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Well, of course, anybody can forget.
102
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It's lucky I called you to remind you.
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Oh, really?
104
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Well, if you and Roger haven't picked
out a restaurant yet, there are dinner
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reservations at Le Chardonnay under my
name.
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L -A -C -E -Y.
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I think that's called breakdancing.
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I do hope Dr. Osborne has homeowner's
insurance.
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Did you get your passport yet, Kate?
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Picked it up this morning. Must be very
excited about going to Greece, huh? Oh,
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I can't wait. Oh, you'll love it. Just
be careful not to drink the water.
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My ex -husband and I went there on our
honeymoon.
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Poor George spent the better part of the
trip in the bathroom.
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I'm having a little bon voyage party a
week from Sunday, and I hope that
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everyone will be there.
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Except, you know who.
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Kirk will be very hurt.
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I know.
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00:08:09,860 --> 00:08:14,660
Oh, that was great. Let's do that again.
Thank you, but I'm pretty exhausted.
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I've got to get off my feet.
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Oh, sounds good.
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You need a hand? No, thanks.
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I feel sick.
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Yes, Kirk has that effect on most
people.
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Should I see if I could find Dr.
Osborne?
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This is Dr.
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Osborne.
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Oh,
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it's nice to meet you.
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I'm going to get some punch. Excuse me.
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What's your name?
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Uh, Ralph.
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I'm Wanda.
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Wanda by name, Wanda by nature.
135
00:09:05,370 --> 00:09:07,510
The gypsy in my soul, I suppose.
136
00:09:08,190 --> 00:09:11,570
I like to think of myself as a free
spirit.
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00:09:12,110 --> 00:09:14,890
Live for the moment, be the regrets to
the poets.
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00:09:15,630 --> 00:09:19,430
Our bodies were made to be thrilled,
Ralph.
139
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So why waste a single sensation?
140
00:09:27,660 --> 00:09:32,440
I get the impression that you feel the
same way, Ralph.
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00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:34,860
Oh, yes.
142
00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:40,260
Free spirit, that's me.
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Once in a supermarket, I went through
the express line with 11 items.
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What a rush.
145
00:09:53,450 --> 00:09:55,570
I could tell you were dangerous, Ralph.
146
00:09:56,830 --> 00:10:03,390
Listen, I was thinking of leaving here
and going back to my lonely, empty
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00:10:03,390 --> 00:10:04,390
apartment.
148
00:10:04,950 --> 00:10:10,250
I've had enough to eat and drink, and
now I need just one thing to make this a
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00:10:10,250 --> 00:10:11,250
perfect evening.
150
00:10:11,950 --> 00:10:13,710
I need a man, Ralph.
151
00:10:14,910 --> 00:10:18,810
I need a big, strong man.
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00:10:22,570 --> 00:10:25,390
I need a man with stamina.
153
00:10:28,390 --> 00:10:30,570
Well, I'll certainly keep my eyes open.
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00:10:33,490 --> 00:10:35,430
There you are, dear.
155
00:10:35,710 --> 00:10:39,850
Where have you been keeping yourself all
evening? Oh, just taking a little tour
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00:10:39,850 --> 00:10:40,729
of the house.
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If you don't mind, Doctor.
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Of course not.
159
00:10:43,630 --> 00:10:45,110
It's beautiful, isn't it?
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Oh, yes. The library, the atrium.
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The master bedroom.
162
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Did you see the beautiful onyx tub in
the bathroom? My decorator says it's
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00:10:54,850 --> 00:10:56,730
enough for four people to bathe at once.
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Six.
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00:11:06,730 --> 00:11:08,890
Oh, John, John, over here.
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00:11:11,280 --> 00:11:14,760
Hi, everybody. Hi. John, I didn't think
you were going to make it tonight.
167
00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:18,000
Well, I just came down for a minute. I
can't for the life of me figure out why.
168
00:11:18,100 --> 00:11:20,960
Nothing has worked out for me today.
Just nothing.
169
00:11:21,220 --> 00:11:22,079
Oh, really?
170
00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:23,240
I'd rather not talk about it.
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All right.
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00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:28,540
Not only was I stood up, I ruined a
friend's dinner. Yes, dear, we heard
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00:11:28,560 --> 00:11:29,680
Bad day. Pity.
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00:11:30,880 --> 00:11:33,940
May I have a word with you? Excuse us,
everyone.
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00:11:39,020 --> 00:11:40,920
I believe your luck might be changing.
176
00:11:41,380 --> 00:11:46,540
What do you mean? Well, I'm afraid I've
been playing Cupid. I met a very nice
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00:11:46,540 --> 00:11:50,240
woman. I told her all about you, and she
seemed very interested. Come on, come
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on, Louise. Please, not today. It'll
just turn out to be another disaster.
179
00:11:53,020 --> 00:11:56,500
Please. Nonsense, John. Look. She's over
there.
180
00:12:00,660 --> 00:12:04,200
Oh, come on, Louise. She's gorgeous. She
wouldn't give me the time of day.
181
00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:05,399
Now, now.
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00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:07,200
You never know until you try.
183
00:12:08,110 --> 00:12:10,230
I don't know how many men I've told that
to.
184
00:12:10,790 --> 00:12:13,550
Now, won't you go and watch? All right,
all right, but you'll see.
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00:12:16,930 --> 00:12:17,930
Excuse me, miss.
186
00:12:18,370 --> 00:12:20,950
I would love to dance with you, but I'm
sure you're going to turn me down, so
187
00:12:20,950 --> 00:12:24,710
would you please just do it as quickly
and painlessly as possible so I can go
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home and go to bed?
189
00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:29,670
Actually, I'd love to dance with you.
Sure, just my luck.
190
00:12:52,140 --> 00:12:53,300
A terrific time tonight.
191
00:12:53,540 --> 00:12:56,360
Funny, isn't it? How well the two of us
just instantly hit it off.
192
00:12:56,880 --> 00:13:00,580
It's like some people say, uh, we must
have known each other in a previous
193
00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:02,960
Yes, isn't that the stupidest thing you
ever heard?
194
00:13:03,220 --> 00:13:03,999
Well, that's funny.
195
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:06,740
That's the same thing you said to me
that night we had dinner with Harriet
196
00:13:06,740 --> 00:13:07,740
Marco Polo.
197
00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:11,480
You know, I'm really glad you decided to
come tonight.
198
00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:14,160
I was beginning to feel a little bit
sentimental.
199
00:13:14,680 --> 00:13:15,680
Really? Why?
200
00:13:15,860 --> 00:13:19,260
I don't know. A big party like this
always tends to remind me of my husband.
201
00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:23,840
Oh, you really like parties, huh? Oh,
yes. David was the life of every party
202
00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:24,779
ever attended.
203
00:13:24,780 --> 00:13:29,600
He was gregarious, witty, and one of the
most intelligent men I'd ever met.
204
00:13:29,820 --> 00:13:33,200
Oh, I don't know. From where I stand, I
think David was a complete fool.
205
00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:35,160
Oh, why would you say that?
206
00:13:35,540 --> 00:13:37,860
Well, he had to be an idiot to let
someone like you walk away.
207
00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:40,340
He didn't let me walk away.
208
00:13:40,680 --> 00:13:43,380
Well, if he was the one that walked out,
then he was more stupid than I thought.
209
00:13:44,120 --> 00:13:45,120
Actually, he died.
210
00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:52,900
I didn't know that. Would you excuse me
just for a second? Of course, of course.
211
00:13:57,860 --> 00:13:58,220
A
212
00:13:58,220 --> 00:14:05,120
spider,
213
00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:06,320
big one.
214
00:14:07,060 --> 00:14:08,060
Don't worry, I got him.
215
00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:15,440
Oh, listen, uh, Liz, about what I said
before, you're not leaving, are you?
216
00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:19,300
I had no idea it was getting so late.
Oh, God, just my luck. I knew things
217
00:14:19,300 --> 00:14:22,840
turn out this way. Listen, before you
go, is there any way I can get your
218
00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:23,840
number?
219
00:14:24,260 --> 00:14:25,260
Sure.
220
00:14:25,460 --> 00:14:28,960
Why don't we go over to your place and
I'll write it down.
221
00:14:30,300 --> 00:14:31,300
My place.
222
00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:33,480
Right.
223
00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:35,700
This is a setup, isn't it?
224
00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:42,640
Hi, guys.
225
00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:48,420
Hey, uh, Red, uh, rumor has it you're
having a bamboo ash party Sunday night.
226
00:14:48,980 --> 00:14:50,340
Anything I can do to help?
227
00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:52,200
Yes.
228
00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:53,320
Stay away.
229
00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:55,259
All right.
230
00:14:55,260 --> 00:14:57,920
That's the way you want it, but just do
me one favor, all right? What? What is
231
00:14:57,920 --> 00:14:58,699
it, Kirk?
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00:14:58,700 --> 00:15:01,500
Take good care of yourself. Yeah, you
know, that's exactly what I thought you
233
00:15:01,500 --> 00:15:03,240
were... What?
234
00:15:04,060 --> 00:15:07,220
I said take good care of yourself.
There's a lot of mean people out there.
235
00:15:07,220 --> 00:15:08,340
don't want anything to happen to you.
236
00:15:09,820 --> 00:15:10,820
I'll be careful.
237
00:15:13,050 --> 00:15:14,050
Hey, I'll miss you.
238
00:15:17,570 --> 00:15:18,570
You'll miss me?
239
00:15:19,510 --> 00:15:20,610
I want you to have this.
240
00:15:28,430 --> 00:15:29,430
Why?
241
00:15:30,450 --> 00:15:33,850
It's kind of a good luck charm. It's
been in my family forever. My
242
00:15:33,850 --> 00:15:36,850
gave it to me just before she passed on,
and it's kept me out of some pretty
243
00:15:36,850 --> 00:15:39,370
tight jams. I thought I'd do the same
for you.
244
00:15:44,620 --> 00:15:45,620
Thanks. So?
245
00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:46,920
Yeah?
246
00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:49,720
Now can I come to your party on Sunday?
247
00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:54,920
Yeah, yeah, sure, you can come.
248
00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:56,120
All right.
249
00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:17,140
Uh, listen, uh, before we go in, I just
want you to know that I'm not one of
250
00:16:17,140 --> 00:16:20,620
those people who, uh, you know, expects
anything just because she came back to
251
00:16:20,620 --> 00:16:21,620
my apartment with me.
252
00:16:21,940 --> 00:16:23,960
It was my idea to come to your
apartment.
253
00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:30,140
A great idea it was.
254
00:16:32,140 --> 00:16:34,480
My book is right up there with fire and
the wheel.
255
00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:37,759
Shall we?
256
00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:38,760
Right.
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00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:40,600
All right.
258
00:16:42,820 --> 00:16:46,300
Listen, uh... We have to be very quiet.
The lady next door likes to listen at
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00:16:46,300 --> 00:16:47,300
the wall with a glass.
260
00:16:52,820 --> 00:16:53,140
What
261
00:16:53,140 --> 00:17:03,560
the
262
00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:05,020
hell are you doing here, and how did you
get in?
263
00:17:05,369 --> 00:17:08,609
The woman next door let me in. Mrs.
Lemeski does not have a key to my
264
00:17:08,869 --> 00:17:10,150
She used one of my credit cards.
265
00:17:10,390 --> 00:17:13,109
John, you've got to do something about
that lock. I just don't feel safe here.
266
00:17:13,170 --> 00:17:14,170
What?
267
00:17:14,310 --> 00:17:18,349
Hello. Oh, sorry. Liz, this is Ken. He's
a friend of mine. Ken, Liz.
268
00:17:18,609 --> 00:17:19,750
Nice to meet you. Hi.
269
00:17:20,109 --> 00:17:21,950
So what are you doing here, Ken?
270
00:17:22,290 --> 00:17:25,869
Maggie threw me out, and it's all your
fault. My fault? I was trying to help
271
00:17:25,869 --> 00:17:27,170
you. Oh, some help.
272
00:17:27,790 --> 00:17:28,970
It's the end of my marriage.
273
00:17:29,730 --> 00:17:31,050
It's the end of 20 years.
274
00:17:31,950 --> 00:17:34,330
I've lost my home, my wife.
275
00:17:35,010 --> 00:17:36,050
My lovely kid.
276
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,370
I got nothing left to live for.
277
00:17:41,070 --> 00:17:42,510
She's kind of tasty, isn't she?
278
00:17:46,930 --> 00:17:48,550
Anyway, no big deal.
279
00:17:48,970 --> 00:17:52,590
Just give me a week or two and I'll find
a place of my own. A week or two?
280
00:17:52,630 --> 00:17:55,130
Listen, Ken, Liz and I... Good night,
John.
281
00:17:55,930 --> 00:17:56,930
Where are you going?
282
00:17:57,210 --> 00:18:00,370
Your friend needs help. It was nice
meeting you, Ken.
283
00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:03,300
I'm sorry about what happened. No, no,
no, wait, wait, Liz, wait.
284
00:18:03,620 --> 00:18:06,000
John, in or out? I'm trying to get some
sleep here.
285
00:18:08,300 --> 00:18:10,160
Liz, would you mind waiting in the hall
for just a moment?
286
00:18:10,380 --> 00:18:11,380
Sure.
287
00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:14,440
What are you doing? I'm going to call
Maggie.
288
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:15,880
What? What?
289
00:18:20,660 --> 00:18:24,100
Maggie, hello, this is John. Now, don't
say anything. I know you're angry, but
290
00:18:24,100 --> 00:18:26,380
just give me a moment to pour Ken's
heart out to you.
291
00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:28,660
Look, Maggie, please, take him back.
292
00:18:28,990 --> 00:18:31,050
Take him back, please, please, please.
Take him back, please. Take him back.
293
00:18:31,590 --> 00:18:34,890
You don't want a divorce. You know,
look, I know about divorce. Divorce
294
00:18:34,890 --> 00:18:36,870
are a very dark, sallow group of people.
295
00:18:37,430 --> 00:18:39,590
Now, divorce is very bad for your
health.
296
00:18:40,010 --> 00:18:44,190
Take him back, if just for medical
reasons, just for your complexion. Take
297
00:18:44,190 --> 00:18:45,190
back.
298
00:18:45,410 --> 00:18:49,290
Maggie, unity is the cornerstone of our
society.
299
00:18:49,850 --> 00:18:52,390
Marriage is the linchpin of that unity.
300
00:18:52,970 --> 00:18:58,140
When marriage is... break up, you start
having all these people all over America
301
00:18:58,140 --> 00:19:03,120
living separate lives in separate
apartments using separate deodorant
302
00:19:03,140 --> 00:19:06,260
Maggie, for the sake of the ozone layer,
take him back.
303
00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:10,880
All right, Maggie, Maggie, you don't
have to take him back permanently. Just
304
00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:13,060
take him back tonight. Just tonight.
305
00:19:13,300 --> 00:19:14,940
You don't like him? Throw him back
tomorrow.
306
00:19:17,060 --> 00:19:18,060
Damn.
307
00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:20,780
What's she saying? She's tired. She'll
take it back in the morning.
308
00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:26,080
Oh, Liz.
309
00:19:26,360 --> 00:19:27,360
Liz.
310
00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:29,820
I knew something was going to happen to
Ruan this evening.
311
00:19:30,300 --> 00:19:33,680
Look, maybe it's for the best. I don't
usually spend the night with someone on
312
00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:35,040
the first date anyway. Oh, I understand.
313
00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:36,400
What are you doing tomorrow night?
314
00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:41,580
Sorry? No, no, I'm sorry. I didn't
really mean that. What I meant was, can
315
00:19:41,580 --> 00:19:42,439
you again?
316
00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:44,160
Sure. Can I buy you brunch sometime?
317
00:19:44,500 --> 00:19:47,340
Brunch? You were going to sleep with me,
and now you're talking eggs, Benedict?
318
00:19:48,740 --> 00:19:49,880
It's getting late, John.
319
00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:51,640
Good night. I'll call you.
320
00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:19,880
Oh, hi, Liz. Hi, Liz.
321
00:20:20,340 --> 00:20:22,060
What are you... Come in.
322
00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:25,060
Is your friend still with you?
323
00:20:25,620 --> 00:20:28,420
Yes, he went back early this morning.
His wife relented and took him back.
324
00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:30,360
What are you doing here?
325
00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:32,980
I thought you might be in the mood for a
little Sunday brunch.
326
00:20:33,460 --> 00:20:34,319
Sunday brunch?
327
00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:36,460
Well, that sounds great. I'll just get
cleaned up.
328
00:20:37,420 --> 00:20:39,780
Sunday brunch? You say Sunday? Today's
Saturday, isn't it?
329
00:20:39,980 --> 00:20:40,980
Yes, I know.
330
00:20:41,140 --> 00:20:45,160
But the restaurant that I had in mind is
in a little hotel in Connecticut.
331
00:20:46,380 --> 00:20:48,680
I booked us a room for the whole
weekend.
332
00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:51,940
You what? I mean, great.
333
00:20:52,860 --> 00:20:54,020
So we better go.
334
00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:55,520
Right.
335
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:01,760
You going like that?
336
00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:07,180
Huh? Oh, yes, of course. I should pack a
few things first. Yes, why don't you do
337
00:21:07,180 --> 00:21:08,180
that? Yeah.
338
00:21:08,500 --> 00:21:10,160
I'll bring the car around. Yeah.
339
00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:12,860
Be right down.
25417
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