Original subtitles

Hi, honey.

I'm home.

I'm here tonight to share something wonderful that has come into my life.

A thing that has brought me not only the promise of happiness, but a chance for

personal enrichment.

A thing that has changed my life.

And I fervently believe it can change yours.

Well, my goodness.

What is it, Colonel?

It's handy.

Home electrolysis kit. Now available for the unbelievably low price of $39 .95.

Excuse me, that's supposed to enrich our lives and make us better people, Kirk?

I don't know about better, but you're going to be a whole lot smoother.

What about you, Louise? Come on, you must have some unsightly, you know... I

think now might be a good time to take a break. We'll say we resume discussion

about five minutes.

Uh, Red.

I'm going to give you a free demonstration, Tom. Step into my office

your pants.

John? Hmm?

Could I talk to you for a minute?

Yeah, sure, Ralph. I just have kind of a favor I'd like to ask. Sure, sure.

Anything I can do. What?

You know what they say, no fame, no game.

You see, there's this lady that...

I'm kind of really taken with.

Well, that's great, Ralph. Good for you. Yeah, well, it's the first woman that

I've been interested in since my wife left me.

Ralphie, that is terrific.

Hey, you know what would make a very thoughtful gift? Now, Kurt, please,

John, come on. Hey, if he looks anything like his ex -wife, he could be a

candidate for the jumbo model. Kurt, please.

Also doubles as a hedge trimmer, Ralphie. All right, all right. He's not

interested, okay?

Now, if you don't mind, we're having a private discussion here.

No problem.

Um, Mrs.

Philbert, did I mention that, uh, bikini season is right around the corner?

Go ahead, Ralph.

Well, you see, I would like to ask this lady out on a date, but, uh,

every time I even think about it, I get an anxiety attack.

thought about it.

So, John, could you ask her for me?

Oh, come on, Ralph.

I mean, what do you want me to do? Just go up to a total stranger and say, hi,

Ralph wants a date? No, no, no. This, this is not a total stranger, John.

This is Kate.

Kate?

Please, John.

I thought about taking her to that new restaurant on Queens Boulevard, you

Well, Ralph, you're offering her a very nice evening. I mean, I don't see why

you can't ask her yourself.

Think about it.

Now I see why. Now I see why. I'll talk to her. I'll talk to her, Ralph. No,

I'll talk to her.

Good night, Kate. Oh, good night, Ralph.

Oh, uh, Kate, uh, you got a minute? Oh, well, actually, the session got out

late, and I'm supposed to meet your girlfriend for dinner. Yeah, I'll try to

make it quick.

Uh, Kate, I'm not quite sure how to ask you this.

Good night, good night.

It's okay, John, just say it.

Okay, I, um, I just want to know if, um...

Oh, boy, I knew this was going to be embarrassing, and I know why.

Kate, promise, don't laugh at me.

Oh, John.

John, let me make this easy for you, okay?

I would love to go out with you.

Uh, Kate.

Actually, I've been wondering when you were going to get around to asking me. I

think it's a great idea.

Uh, well, um... You do?

Sure, don't you?

I'm free tomorrow night. So am I.

Dinner? Great. Good, call me.

I gotta run.

I admire a man who cooks.

Yeah, I just wish I could do it better.

I mean, it's just so hard to get everything to come out at the same time.

Oh, that's okay. Everything was delicious.

Especially the dessert.

Well, thank you, Kate.

And the potatoes will be ready any minute.

Blurry?

No.

No, I was going to say nice.

Oh. Why? Do you think I'm tipsy?

No.

Well, not exactly.

I just... I've never seen you this relaxed before, that's all.

Well, it's a side of me that I usually don't let other people see. Well, it's a

very nice side.

Thank you. It's one of your better sides.

Not that there's anything wrong with your other side.

I got this relaxed, I ended up trying to buy a racehorse from a vending machine.

Hey,

speaking of nice people, do you know who's really nice?

Ralph.

Oh, yeah, sure. Ralph is very nice. Yeah. You want to know something? What?

really likes you.

Really? Yeah.

What about you?

Oh, he likes me too.

This is sort of romantic, isn't it?

Yeah, the glow of a fire in a glass of wine.

Oh, Kate, we don't have a fire.

We do have wine, right?

You know what I think we both need right now?

I think we both can use a little coffee. Okay.

You got any on you?

No problem. I'll just borrow some from my neighbor across the hall.

I always seem to be running out of coffee. I guess that's why my wife

me. She probably thought it was grounds.

She wasn't home.

Kate, what are you doing?

You said to make myself comfortable.

Uh, Kate, I think you've had quite a lot to drink tonight.

Oh, look who's talking.

Yeah, but I'm not the one who has to drive home.

attracted to you, Kate.

It's just, I don't want to ruin our special relationship, you know, our

our friendship.

Oh, you're just so damn good, aren't you?

I know,

but I don't do it on purpose.

Look, Kate, you and I have both had a lot to drink tonight, and it would be a

very simple thing to give into the moment.

So simple.

Kate.

Tempting as that might be, Kate, I really respect you, you know?

I do.

Do you understand anything I've said?

Anything at all?

Unfortunately, yes.

Good, good. Now, you just sleep right here, and I'll make myself a nice little

bed on the floor, okay? Okay.

Okay.

It's only me.

What happened?

You had too much to drink last night.

And you stayed here.

But you're in bed with me.

Right.

I'm sorry.

Beautiful morning, isn't it?

Yeah, it's lovely.

I'd like to get out of bed now.

Would you like to get dressed in the bathroom? Oh, well, if you don't mind.

not at all.

Shall we?

Yes, of course.

Would you like some breakfast?

Oh, no, thank you. I think I'll be fine.

You sure I can't get you anything?

Well, actually, there is one thing.

Goodbye. I'll just show myself out.

John? Wait, I was hoping to get to talk to you. I've been calling you all week.

Let's just forget it. No, Kate, I don't want to forget it.

John, there's really nothing to talk about.

Kate, Kate, please.

Oh, John, wait.

So, how did it go with Kate?

What do you mean with Kate?

Oh, God, Ralph. Did she say if she'd go out with me? Ralph, it's kind of

complicated.

There's so much to tell. Why don't we grab a beer after the meeting?

We begin.

Louise, if you don't mind, I would like to start tonight.

By all means.

I thought I might be able to deal with this myself, but I'm

afraid I can't.

You see, I recently got involved in a relationship.

Well, relationship is not exactly the word for it, and that's my problem.

You see, I...

I guess we went too far, too fast, and now she won't even talk to me. Well,

John, you know what they always say. You can never be too rich, too thin, or go

too far, too fast. Yeah.

Would you kindly shut up, please?

Okay.

What I can't for the life of me figure out is why she has suddenly become so...

pig -headed, icy, and immature.

Well, I often find in a... Louise, may I take a shot at this? Certainly, Kate.

I think I know exactly how this woman feels.

She probably felt that what you did was a mistake, that there was a special

bond between you, and that was ruined.

What are you saying?

Are you saying just because we enjoyed ourselves for an evening that we can no

longer be friends?

That's... Just stupid.

Well,

John, you don't have to call her stupid.

She's probably just trying to be true to her feelings. Well, fine, but it

happens to turn out that her feelings are wrong.

Wrong? God, you know that I used to think, John, I used to think that you

sensitive, caring person, but you're not concerned one whit about this woman's

feelings. Kate, Kate, Kate, Kate.

Aren't you taking this a little personally, dear?

in a vaguely similar situation.

Well, maybe it would be of help to John if you talked about it.

Well, say, here's an idea.

Well, um... There's this man that I... spend

a fair amount of time with.

We're not dating, really, but, uh... We do have occasion to see each other on

a... Weekly basis.

Weekly?

And I value this man's friendship a great deal.

But now I have a chance to pursue a more romantic relationship, and I'm really

confused.

Well, I say go for it, honey. Get your ya -ya's out.

to him.

Well, um, honestly, yes.

So what you're saying is that there's a genuine chemistry there.

Yes, Louise, that's what I seem to be saying.

But, uh, what's even more confusing is that I happen

to know that he's attracted to me, too.

to this guy?

I was afraid that he wouldn't understand.

Oh.

Well, I bet he would.

He sounds like a very nice guy.

Not to me.

He ought to be hung up by his heels.

My husband used to enjoy that.

I think you're right about this man, and I only hope that he can also understand

that the only way that I can deal with this is to let go,

approach it from another angle, and start in again.

My husband used to enjoy that, too.

John, we still haven't told me what happened with Kate.

Well, Ralph, I did get together with Kate, as you asked. Well?

Over at my place.

And, well, we had a little dinner and a little wine.

Actually, a lot of wine.

Oh, I see.

No problem, John. Just tell me how much I owe you. No, no, no, Ralph. No, no.

No, you don't owe me anything.

You see, what happened was, um... I never got around to asking Kate for you.

I'm sorry, Ralph.

Oh.

Well... That's all right, John.

I guess it really was a lot to ask.

Ralph?

Hi. Oh.

Hi. Hi, Kate.

Hello.

That was quite a lively session tonight, wasn't it?

Yeah, I'll say.

Yeah, if someone wasn't paying attention, they might have even thought

were mad at each other.

Well, you know, Ralph, I don't think that John and I could ever

really be mad at each other.

No, we're too good friends for that.

Hey, you know what?

I've got two tickets for the ballet tonight.

Would you like to go with me?

Oh, I would love to.

But I can't.

Oh.

But I know someone who would love to go.

Ralph.

Next, Van Owen's disclosure could put a cop killer back on the street in a tense

new L .A. law.

And Friday, George Burns is raising hell in the blockbuster movie comedy Oh,

God, You Devil.

Then, Crockett and Tubbs are trying to bring down a serial killer without

getting blown away in a tense Miami Vice. Friday.