Original subtitles

Hi, honey, I'm home

And then there's the dream where you show up for school, and there's a final,

and you haven't been there all semester. Oh, yes, that's terrible.

What about the one where you're falling, falling, falling, falling, falling,

falling, falling, just before you hit the ground, you wake up. God, yes.

And the one, and I have this all the time, where Julio Iglesias is giving you

bikini wax.

Well, in any event, this... article tells you how to interpret those kinds

dreams.

John.

Amazing, huh?

Running into you like this.

Yeah, amazing.

Well, it was nice talking to you.

Hey,

can I buy you a drink?

Bartender, drinks for the whole table? No, that won't be necessary. Hey, can we

at least take a boat on this?

Would you excuse us?

Now, look, I don't want you buying me drinks.

And I don't want you bothering my friends. Excuse me, it's just that I

kind of use a friend right now. A friend? You know a friend of mine?

A friend wouldn't steal my wife and move into my house.

How could you do that to me? Because, John, if the situation was reversed, if

was my wife and my house, you would have done the exact same thing. Never. I

would never have done that. Not in a million years.

Okay, I was wrong.

Look, I got more important things to do. It's just that I'm going through kind

of a difficult time here, and I thought that maybe we could talk for old time's

sake. Yeah, well, I don't care about old time's sake, and I don't care what you

have to say. I could care less what you have to say, okay? Mm -hmm.

Wendy dumped me.

Sit down. What are you drinking?

It was horrible.

Uh, we argued.

She threw my things at me.

It was the most humiliating.

degrading experience, but I shouldn't burden you with this. No, no, no. I want

to know everything.

You'll feel better. I know I will.

I don't care what you say. I want a second opinion.

All right. I'm going to tell you guys a dream.

You tell me what it means to you. Look, Kirk, this is not exactly the best time

for this. A guy walks into a bar, right? He sits down at a bar stool.

He orders a drink.

suddenly everybody in the place turns into bowling shoes.

So what does that mean to you?

Well, how would I know? It could mean anything.

See?

Believe whatever makes you happy. It just sounded to me like he was wrestling

with certain...

and manly feet. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. You are looking at one USDA prime grade

A man here. Kirk, Kirk, Kirk, please. Just yesterday, John, out of the blue, I

got hit with a paternity suit. Look, Kirk.

Class action, too.

Kirk.

Can this wait five minutes? Can we discuss it in the group? All right, all

right, all right, all right.

Group?

What group?

Huh? No, it's nothing. Just a meaningless little get -together that we

prefer to call it a support group for singles.

Support group?

I wonder if that kind of thing would do me any good. No, no, no, no. You really

wouldn't be interested.

Why? Are we having problems?

No, no, no. Not really.

Well, the woman I'm living with just threw me out in the street. And to make

worse, she was John's... Height and weight.

She could have killed him.

Listen, we really have to go, don't we?

I'll get the tab.

I have an idea.

Why don't you come to the meeting with us? Bill, please. Yes, Bill, please.

Bill? Hi, Kirk.

Please. We'd love to have you, and I think you'll find it helpful. We're all

the same boat, you know. No, no, not really. No, no, no, if you really think

it'll help. Good, then that's settled. We're just around the corner.

Are you crazy?

I don't want you talking to my group.

You're the reason I'm in my group. Ah, don't worry.

Bill will be doing the talking, not me. He'll never know who I am.

Hey, besides, would I ever do anything to hurt you?

All right, listen up.

Because here is the really manly part.

We all turn into bowling shoes, right?

Ments.

Bowling shoes.

Kirk, we're not here for dream analysis. This is a support group, and we do have

a new member with us. Would you like to start by introducing yourself to the

group? Uh, hi.

My name is Bill.

Everybody!

Hi! Hi, Bill.

Hi. Um... Forgive me if I'm a little nervous.

Uh... Louise?

I don't think he's really up to this right now. Now, now, John, don't be

overprotective.

Maybe I should start at the beginning.

You see, when I first met Beth... The lady's name was

Beth. I know her.

Right. Beth.

Anyway, she was married to my best friend.

And we started seeing each other.

And we fell in love.

A beautiful love.

A special love.

A deep, profound, and abiding love.

You know, I had a heck of a dream myself once.

Oh, please, no more. No, it was a very, it was a very prophetic dream.

Thank you for sharing that, John.

Now, Bill, would you like to tell us how this affair broke up?

Well, I don't really know where to begin.

Oh, God.

What's your problem?

Oh, really, Louise, we don't need to talk about that. Because sex was

It was better than fantastic.

She said I opened up new horizons.

Shouldn't we give somebody else a chance?

Let your friend finish, dear.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Shouldn't we be focusing on the things in the relationship that didn't work?

Yes, yes. Kate's got a very good point there. Everybody, listen to Kate. What

that, Kate? Well, I mean, so far, all you've told us is that you had a very

beautiful and special love and that sex was fantastic.

What happened?

We just started fighting all the time.

And you know what really hurt? When she threw me out, she said that she had been

a fool for ever splitting up with her husband.

What?

She said she made a big mistake letting him get away.

Were those her exact words?

Look, I'm having kind of a tough time with this. Maybe we could go on to

person. Oh, Brett, I just remembered this other really manly dream I had.

I'm at Club Med, right? It's just me and the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders.

Now, I'm a little under my game because I just got finished with the Ironman

triathlon, right? But these broads will not take no for an answer.

So, next thing you know, we got pom -poms, cowboy boots flying all over the

place. I mean, it's pandemonium, Nick.

Wait a second.

Did I say this was a dream?

No, this really happened.

Perhaps we ought to take this opportunity to leave before we have to

way out. Oh, no, no, no, wait.

Whoa, I got another one. I got another one.

Stortuses. Amazon stortuses, right? And I'm the only one that can fly the plane.

So, I get that I can fly, you know.

Uh, Kate, before you go, can I talk to you for a minute?

Oh, yeah, sure.

Kate, um...

I don't really have anyone else to talk to about this.

I'll tell you what.

I can't even talk to you about it.

Fine. I can understand that.

I'll see you next week.

No, Kate, Kate, please. Please, don't misunderstand.

I want to talk to you about it. It's just that I don't exactly know how to

it.

Never mind.

If I get up now, are you going to call me back again?

That's a distinct possibility.

Tonight was hard for you, wasn't it?

Hmm?

Why? What do you mean?

Your friend Bill is the guy who stole your wife, isn't he?

You mean you figured that out?

Oh, John, who couldn't figure that out?

Well, Ralph.

Certainly not Kirk.

No.

I'm not too sure about Louise.

Me neither.

But did you hear what he said?

That my wife actually regretted splitting up with me?

Kate, Kate, am I crazy for even thinking that I have a chance here?

Well, speaking strictly as a woman... Yes, yes, yes. That's exactly what I

right now. A woman's perspective.

Because I was wondering...

Whether she was reassessing our relationship or was it just something

said in the spur of the moment?

You know, I know when I... Because I don't want to be hurt.

But on the other hand, I don't want to miss the opportunity.

You see?

You know, this is very tricky. I really do miss her. We had so much that was so

good for so long.

I can really relate to that because in my relationship... That's why it's a

great help talking to you about it.

I mean, you know, the thing is...

What I'm really afraid of is that I'm very vulnerable right now. And, well, I

mean, that's why I'm turning to you, Kate.

Just tell me, Kate, what should I do?

Why don't you give it a few days to think it over?

Thanks. That's very good advice. I'm going to go call her right now.

Oh, wait, Kate, where are you going?

You got me into this.

The least you could do is stay around and help.

Oh, God, it's ringing. What am I going to say?

Hello is a good opener.

Hello?

You're right. Worked like a charm.

Hi, Wendy, it's me.

Listen, I called because I saw...

I mean, I heard.

I'll tell you what. Let me talk to Mike.

What?

No.

You're kidding.

What happened?

What happened?

Oh, uh, you don't really want to get into it right now?

Whatever it was.

Whatever it was. For what it's worth.

For what it's worth.

I truly am.

Sorry. You should never buy that. I truly am sorry.

Wendy, it sounds like you could use somebody to talk to right now.

That's good.

And if I remember correctly, we used to be pretty good at that.

Oh, wait a minute.

I've got an idea.

Why don't you come to my place one night?

You were great up to there.

Yeah, we could just, um, eat and talk. You know, it'd be like old times.

Okay?

Okay.

Bye.

All right!

Fantastic! Oh, this is great!

Am I a lucky guy or what?

No, what did she say? She said she'd think about it.

a dream about you last night.

You were insatiable.

Isn't that funny? You know, I had a dream about you. You're kidding me.

Was it as good for you as it was for me?

I don't know. A dry heave woke me up.

the second time around.

Love's more wonderful with both feet off the ground.

John, you're certainly very chipper tonight. Yes, well, I ought to be. I've

such great news.

My ex -wife tomorrow night is coming over to my apartment for dinner.

Oh, no.

A little sex with the ex, eh?

You're disgusting.

What?

Everybody sleeps with their ex at least once.

Right, Louise?

Well, everyone slept with my ex at least once.

Excuse me, but I think we're missing the big picture here.

I mean, this could mean a reconciliation between John and his wife. I think

congratulations are in order.

What did you say?

Maybe they'll even get back together.

I don't believe this.

Well, that's it. I've had enough of this crap.

Bill, please.

My name isn't Bill. My name is Mike.

Everybody.

Bye, Mike.

Yeah, hi.

And the woman who threw me out, her name isn't Beth.

It's Wendy.

Wife's name. Is this a coincidence or what?

Ralph, it is John's ex -wife.

Wow. What are the odds against that?

Well, this, this is low.

I mean, the minute I turn my back on you, my best friend moves in with the

I love.

Look who's talking.

That's exactly what you did to me.

Oh, sure. Throw that back in my face, white horse.

I just want you to know, from the first time I slept with your wife, John, I

never figured it would turn out like this.

This hurts.

Hey, hey, hey, if you're looking for sympathy, you came to the wrong place.

Around here, we don't blame other people for our own mistakes.

We're all responsible for our actions here.

Well, I wish I'd have known that.

Because if I had, I would have told my wife, Wendy.

I was wrong.

And more importantly, just once I would have said to her that I loved her when

she wasn't expecting it.

Yeah, well, I blew it.

But the difference is, if I ever get the chance, I'm not going to blow it again.

Thank you, John.

But in the future, it might be helpful to remember that we're not here to

attack, but to listen and encourage.

Thank you, Louise.

Shut up, you pig.

I'm not going to sleep with you.

Oh, we're picking up right where we left off.

No, no, I'm just so mixed up now, that's all I need.

Just what I was thinking.

Now, John, listen, I was thinking about this apartment.

You know, there's really a lot you can do with it. You put some paint on the

walls, you get rid of this sofa.

I'm sorry.

I mean, you came to my apartment. I have feelings. I just thought I had the

right to do that.

John, look, if anyone has the right to do that, you do, but I really wish you

wouldn't do that. I know, I know, I know. I'm sorry. I won't do it again.

Wendy, we were married, and now you're free.

I just wanted to establish that I had the right to do that. Now that I've

established that I had the right, I won't do it again.

Okay.

Okay. Now, look, if you put some drapes up here...

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Your whole life's been thrown in front of your face, and

here I am acting like some...

Incredibly

horny idiot.

Hey, listen.

I got a whole case of cheap wine.

How about a drink?

That would be nice.

Wouldn't it?

I knew it was just a matter of time before you and Mike would break up.

But tell me, what was the one thing that made you throw him out?

Oh, John, I don't think it's fair to go into the reasons with you. I know, it's

embarrassing. You made a rotten choice.

Come on, tell me.

Oh, come on, Wendy.

You could tell me.

We used to tell each other everything.

Wendy, we were married.

We slept side by side.

We slept in all kinds of positions.

We even kept each other awake in all kinds of positions.

Just tell me.

I'm not proud of the fact of how badly I want to know this, but I do.

So tell me.

Try it.

Well, everything was so good. I've never been so happy in my life.

Not that part. Let's forget about that part.

Why did you throw him out?

All right.

Hmm? All right. Yeah?

The reason... Mm -hmm.

The reason?

Oh, this is embarrassing.

Come on, come on, just tell me. What did that bastard do to you?

John, it's not what he did, it's what he didn't do.

Mike is a totally non -expressive man when it comes to feelings.

And even when you know someone needs and cares for you, you want him just once

to look you in the face and tell you how he really feels about you.

you're right.

You should settle for nothing less.

As a matter of fact, there are a few things I wish I'd said to you when we

together.

Really? Like what?

Well, I wish I had said just once.

I'm sorry.

I apologize for butting in here like this. I've just got to tell you one

Wendy. It'll only take a minute. Oh, Mike, I'm not ready to deal with you

It's too soon. I could barely pour my heart out to John.

Wendy, I just want to tell you this one thing.

I should have said it before. I should have said a lot of things, but more

importantly, just once, I should have told you I loved you when you weren't

expecting it.

I mean, let's face it.

I should have done a lot of things. I blew it.

But if you give me another chance, I won't blow it again.

Wait a second here.

Why didn't you say this to me last week?

I wasn't smart enough to say this last week.

He wasn't smart enough to say it tonight.

I said that. Those are my words. I said it in front of people. I have witnesses.

Those are my words that I put in his mouth. Is that true?

Yes.

Yes, it is.

Those were your words? Yes, yes, they were.

Oh, John, that's so sweet.

Oh, after everything we put you through, to bring Mike and me back together like

this.

Oh, you're a special guy.

So special.

Love you, bud.

How can we ever repay you?

By letting me out of this damn hug.