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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:01,200 I'm home. 2 00:01:13,770 --> 00:01:19,970 to remind everyone that this Saturday we are having our first singles soiree. 3 00:01:21,090 --> 00:01:22,910 Soiree? A wing ding. 4 00:01:24,090 --> 00:01:26,350 A shin dig. A bit of a bash. 5 00:01:29,270 --> 00:01:31,570 Blink if I'm getting through to you, dear. 6 00:01:32,750 --> 00:01:33,990 It's a party, Ralph. 7 00:01:35,230 --> 00:01:39,230 Now there'll be other people just like yourselves. 8 00:01:40,670 --> 00:01:46,760 Granted, that doesn't sound like much. of an inducement but after all what 9 00:01:46,760 --> 00:01:53,240 about here is promoting social interaction breaking down interpersonal 10 00:01:53,240 --> 00:02:00,140 and blazing brave new trails toward mutual fulfillment is 11 00:02:00,140 --> 00:02:01,340 the writing big enough 12 00:02:18,730 --> 00:02:24,810 Louise, I don't think I can make it. Oh, no, God, John, it sounds like so much 13 00:02:24,810 --> 00:02:25,810 fun. 14 00:02:26,330 --> 00:02:31,330 It might be one of those parties where they stamp your hand. 15 00:02:33,490 --> 00:02:37,430 Yeah, besides, John, what else could a guy like you possibly have to do on a 16 00:02:37,430 --> 00:02:38,430 Saturday night? 17 00:02:39,410 --> 00:02:42,650 Well, as it turns out, Kirk, I just moved into a new place. I'd like to 18 00:02:42,650 --> 00:02:45,830 the place up a little bit. You know, do a little painting, hang some drapes. 19 00:02:46,270 --> 00:02:47,710 With some fresh cheese in the traps? 20 00:02:48,950 --> 00:02:52,450 Oh, nonsense, John. I mean, really. 21 00:02:53,090 --> 00:02:54,610 What good is sitting alone? 22 00:03:56,330 --> 00:03:57,330 What do you think? 23 00:03:59,530 --> 00:04:02,490 What do I think? Well, I think... Hi, John. 24 00:04:02,730 --> 00:04:04,030 Hi, Kate. How are you? 25 00:04:04,270 --> 00:04:05,530 Good. How are you? 26 00:04:05,910 --> 00:04:06,910 Oh, boy. 27 00:04:06,970 --> 00:04:07,970 You look nice. 28 00:04:08,170 --> 00:04:09,170 Thanks. 29 00:04:09,410 --> 00:04:10,570 John. Red. 30 00:04:10,930 --> 00:04:12,170 A. Kate. 31 00:04:12,510 --> 00:04:14,410 Oh, A in one. 32 00:04:14,950 --> 00:04:15,950 Knockout dress. 33 00:04:23,660 --> 00:04:26,200 I figured he'd be the first one here. Yeah, I talked him on the phone. I don't 34 00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:27,200 think he's coming. No? 35 00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:30,440 Hey, there's a little action around here tonight. Why isn't Ralph coming? He was 36 00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:32,780 really looking forward to this. Well, between the three of us, I think Ralph 37 00:04:32,780 --> 00:04:34,480 made me a little upset about something. 38 00:04:35,020 --> 00:04:36,140 Upset? Why upset? 39 00:04:36,540 --> 00:04:38,680 Oh, oh, oh, I think I'm in love. 40 00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:44,140 What makes you think Ralph's upset? Oh, he was crying. He was sniffing. He could 41 00:04:44,140 --> 00:04:47,320 barely talk. That, I'm telling you, as a woman, I could get very serious about. 42 00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:48,740 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Class act. 43 00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:50,960 Kirk, Kirk, Kirk, Kirk, Kirk, Kirk. 44 00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:54,340 Look, I hate to interrupt you during your mating season, but would you 45 00:04:54,580 --> 00:04:57,200 please tell us what's happened to Ralph? I don't know. It's hard to make out 46 00:04:57,200 --> 00:05:00,220 with all the blubbering. Oh, damn it. Kirk, didn't you say anything to him? 47 00:05:00,420 --> 00:05:03,520 Yeah, I said, Ralph, okay, so you're miserable and your life stinks. What are 48 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:04,580 you going to do, kill yourself? 49 00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:06,100 What did Ralph say? 50 00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:08,620 I don't know. After that, the line went dead. 51 00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:10,580 So how's this guacamole? 52 00:05:10,860 --> 00:05:13,400 Kirk, how could even you be so stupid? 53 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:15,960 Oh, God, you don't think that Ralph would... Do you know where he lives? 54 00:05:16,300 --> 00:05:18,200 Yes, my car's around the corner. Let's go. 55 00:05:20,330 --> 00:05:23,550 Hey, ladies, how about a little dirty dancing? 56 00:06:15,370 --> 00:06:16,690 I'd just like to know what's wrong with you. 57 00:06:17,530 --> 00:06:19,570 What makes you think something's wrong? 58 00:06:22,530 --> 00:06:25,150 Oh, Ralph, please. We're only here to help. 59 00:06:25,370 --> 00:06:28,730 Ralph, look, whatever it is, I'm sure it's something that Kate and I have 60 00:06:28,730 --> 00:06:29,730 wrestled with ourselves. 61 00:06:29,870 --> 00:06:33,010 Now, please, I promise you, we can help. Can't we, Kate? Of course. 62 00:07:10,900 --> 00:07:14,000 Paraglyphics. Now, those are open to a million different interpretations. 63 00:07:14,260 --> 00:07:15,260 Absolutely. 64 00:07:15,300 --> 00:07:18,740 It said all who read this are doomed. 65 00:07:19,900 --> 00:07:20,900 Okay. 66 00:07:22,040 --> 00:07:25,940 Ralph, are you saying that something happened to your grandfather? 67 00:07:43,150 --> 00:07:44,150 didn't suffer. 68 00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:17,560 Sorry. 69 00:09:29,930 --> 00:09:32,910 carry on. It's almost like you knew him. 70 00:09:36,570 --> 00:09:43,550 I thought about burying him out in the garden, but I just haven't 71 00:09:43,550 --> 00:09:44,550 been able to. 72 00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:06,080 Do you know what you have to do? 73 00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:11,200 At times like this, you have to look back over your whole life and just try 74 00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:12,600 remember something happy. 75 00:10:13,100 --> 00:10:14,740 No, I mean really happy. Yeah. 76 00:10:39,950 --> 00:10:41,070 even painted it myself. 77 00:10:41,450 --> 00:10:45,110 The bottom half was red and the top half was white. 78 00:10:45,830 --> 00:10:51,130 And it had a stove and a sink and even a little toilet. 79 00:10:52,170 --> 00:10:58,690 I used to take it out on the weekends, camping and holidays. See, there you go. 80 00:10:58,850 --> 00:11:03,310 Right, right. Now, anytime you feel, you know, just a little down and you want 81 00:11:03,310 --> 00:11:06,270 to cheer yourself up, well, you just think of that little red and white 82 00:11:06,410 --> 00:11:07,450 I will. Good for you. 83 00:11:08,560 --> 00:11:12,900 And I'll just try to forget that Fourth of July, a gang of drunks pushed it down 84 00:11:12,900 --> 00:11:13,900 into banquet. 85 00:11:17,300 --> 00:11:17,860 It 86 00:11:17,860 --> 00:11:24,760 wound 87 00:11:24,760 --> 00:11:26,000 up in a ditch. 88 00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:28,980 Oh, Ralph, that's awful. 89 00:11:29,220 --> 00:11:32,240 I sat there for two days thinking the same thing. 90 00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:34,620 You were in the camper? 91 00:12:07,660 --> 00:12:13,660 Swarm at the dance, and I'm thinking, my buddy's depressed, and who do I send 92 00:12:13,660 --> 00:12:14,660 over to cheer him up? 93 00:12:14,980 --> 00:12:16,180 The Downer twins. 94 00:12:18,180 --> 00:12:18,939 You too. 95 00:12:18,940 --> 00:12:19,940 Take five. 96 00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:21,340 The Kirksters here. 97 00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:23,900 How you feeling, buddy? 98 00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:26,120 Oh, not too bad, Kirk. Yeah? 99 00:12:26,620 --> 00:12:28,800 Well, you look like you just lost your best friend. 100 00:12:32,040 --> 00:12:33,040 Listen, 101 00:12:34,980 --> 00:12:37,280 Ralph's had kind of a bad day. 102 00:12:37,560 --> 00:12:40,660 He lost his job, his pet died, and his electric razor is broke. 103 00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:41,920 Oh, jeez. 104 00:12:42,820 --> 00:12:45,140 Ralphie, it sounds like you're cursed or something. 105 00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:53,420 Don't say that. Don't say that. There is no such thing as a curse. No curses 106 00:12:53,420 --> 00:12:56,040 here. There are no curses here. All right, take it easy. 107 00:12:58,080 --> 00:12:59,900 Ralph, can I give you some advice? 108 00:13:00,340 --> 00:13:02,560 You've got to get your mind off of your problems. 109 00:13:05,170 --> 00:13:07,150 Why don't you go in the kitchen and make me a sandwich? 110 00:13:09,990 --> 00:13:14,290 Well, I guess I could find something in the kitchen. 111 00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:37,720 Got Ralphie in the dumper? 112 00:13:38,820 --> 00:13:41,900 Yeah. So what's the big deal? Can't he get an exterminator in here? 113 00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:46,340 Kurt, it's a turtle. 114 00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:48,620 Ralph's had him for years. 115 00:13:49,060 --> 00:13:52,660 We should have punched some holes in the box. This little guy is dead. 116 00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:07,640 He was gonna bury him in the garden, but he couldn't get himself to do it. 117 00:14:07,940 --> 00:14:09,380 I'll take care of it. You? 118 00:14:09,780 --> 00:14:11,420 No, thanks. I'll take care of it myself. 119 00:14:11,660 --> 00:14:14,040 Oh, come on. You guys have been here all night taking care of him. Let me at 120 00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:15,019 least do something. 121 00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:16,100 I'll take care of it. Hey, come on. 122 00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:17,360 I'm a person. 123 00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:20,640 I got feelings over here. 124 00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:25,620 Come on. I'd like to feel like at least I can do something. Come on, please. 125 00:14:25,860 --> 00:14:27,020 It's important to me. 126 00:14:28,360 --> 00:14:30,220 You know, Kirk, you are full of surprises. 127 00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:31,880 Yeah. 128 00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:33,980 It's the kind of guy I am. 129 00:14:38,990 --> 00:14:41,830 Could John and I have a moment alone, please? Don't worry about it, John. 130 00:14:41,830 --> 00:14:42,830 be done and done. 131 00:14:44,230 --> 00:14:45,230 How's he doing? 132 00:14:45,730 --> 00:14:47,290 I'm really worried about Ralph. 133 00:14:48,270 --> 00:14:50,210 You know, I think it would be better if I stayed with him tonight. 134 00:14:50,710 --> 00:14:51,649 Yeah, okay. 135 00:14:51,650 --> 00:14:52,650 That's a good idea. 136 00:14:53,130 --> 00:14:54,450 Now, if we can only get rid of Kirk. 137 00:14:54,830 --> 00:14:58,130 That's okay. I put him in charge of the turtles' funeral arrangements. 138 00:14:58,650 --> 00:14:59,549 You did what? 139 00:14:59,550 --> 00:15:02,710 I know what you think of Kirk, and I don't blame you, but, you know, I think 140 00:15:02,710 --> 00:15:07,350 within that grass exterior, there's a really nice guy just struggling to get 141 00:15:07,350 --> 00:15:08,350 out. 142 00:15:28,780 --> 00:15:30,100 Good morning, John. Oh, Ralph. 143 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:32,120 What time is it? Oh, it's after 11. 144 00:15:32,820 --> 00:15:35,260 I've been up for hours. I've already done the shopping. 145 00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:42,660 Well, you... You certainly look like you feel a lot better since last night. Oh, 146 00:15:42,720 --> 00:15:45,360 I do. I do 100 % better. 147 00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:49,840 All that nonsense about a curse, I can't believe I really thought that. 148 00:15:50,100 --> 00:15:54,400 Oh, Ralph, I'm so glad to hear you say that. And I owe it all to you. Me? 149 00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:57,120 You made me realize that... 150 00:15:57,930 --> 00:16:00,170 I have something millions of people don't have. 151 00:16:01,590 --> 00:16:02,830 Friends. Oh. 152 00:16:03,890 --> 00:16:06,610 Oh, uh, would you like some granola? 153 00:16:06,950 --> 00:16:07,950 Yeah, why not? 154 00:16:10,910 --> 00:16:11,910 I'll get it. 155 00:16:20,070 --> 00:16:21,910 Oh, hi, Kurt. Let me guess. 156 00:16:22,150 --> 00:16:23,990 Not a morning person, right, John? 157 00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:32,960 He's actually a different person. I mean, he's actually happy. 158 00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:37,480 Well, he will be even happier when he sees what his old buddy Kirk has done 159 00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:38,480 him. 160 00:16:39,060 --> 00:16:40,240 Why? What have you done for him, Kirk? 161 00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:44,600 It is a surprise. Just tell me, please. What have you done for him? What have 162 00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:46,280 you done for him, Kirk? What have you done for that man? 163 00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:48,280 Oh, hi, Kirk. Ralph. 164 00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:52,740 Would you like some granola? All in the fullness of time, my friend. I got a 165 00:16:52,740 --> 00:16:53,740 little something for you. 166 00:16:54,360 --> 00:16:57,160 Well, what is it? Open it. 167 00:17:04,650 --> 00:17:05,710 Well, that's very nice, Kirk. 168 00:17:06,109 --> 00:17:09,650 And expensive, I'm sure. Please, let's not spoil the moment by talking about 169 00:17:09,650 --> 00:17:10,650 money. 170 00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:13,250 I mean, what's $39 .95 between friends? 171 00:17:17,329 --> 00:17:18,349 This is wonderful. 172 00:17:20,310 --> 00:17:21,310 Thank you, Kirk. 173 00:17:22,550 --> 00:17:28,630 No one has ever... I just, I don't know what to say. That is only the beginning, 174 00:17:28,810 --> 00:17:31,990 Ralph. I am going to take you in the kitchen. I am going to make you my 175 00:17:31,990 --> 00:17:33,870 gourmet specialty breakfast. 176 00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:36,220 You got frozen waffles, right? 177 00:18:38,320 --> 00:18:39,540 Why shouldn't everything be fine? 178 00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:41,400 Fine? Come in. 179 00:18:41,900 --> 00:18:45,380 This condition of Ralph's, it's not contagious, is it? 180 00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:48,320 Oh, hi. 181 00:18:48,580 --> 00:18:51,000 Great, Louise. And how are you today, dear? 182 00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:52,740 I'm a lot better, thank you. 183 00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:56,980 Um, I'd offer you some coffee, but the coffee maker just quit. 184 00:18:57,540 --> 00:19:00,180 Well, hey, ladies. 185 00:19:02,180 --> 00:19:05,460 Well, I guess I can forget about breakfast. Ralphie's Toaster just bought 186 00:19:05,460 --> 00:19:06,460 farm. 187 00:19:16,950 --> 00:19:17,950 Kirk? Mm -hmm. 188 00:19:18,690 --> 00:19:21,370 Oh, that was very nice of him. 189 00:19:30,030 --> 00:19:34,450 Ralph, we've got another surprise for you. Yes. We're going to drive you down 190 00:19:34,450 --> 00:19:38,730 the pet shop and buy you a spanking new turtle. Oh, thanks, Louise, but I went 191 00:19:38,730 --> 00:19:42,510 down this morning when they opened, and I've got two new turtles. 192 00:19:42,850 --> 00:19:46,070 Oh, where are the little darlings? In the aquarium. 193 00:20:29,770 --> 00:20:35,690 And to say thank you to each and every one of you for helping me, 194 00:20:35,770 --> 00:20:38,730 I opened my bottle of champagne. 195 00:20:39,310 --> 00:20:40,310 Well, 196 00:20:41,050 --> 00:20:42,930 it's sparkling wine, actually. 197 00:20:44,710 --> 00:20:47,470 Here you are. Take one. Here you go, John. Oh, thank you. 198 00:20:48,150 --> 00:20:49,150 Here you are. 199 00:20:49,830 --> 00:20:53,270 I would like to propose a toast. 200 00:20:57,570 --> 00:20:58,670 To my friends. 201 00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:10,600 Some cheese and crackers. 202 00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:14,980 He's right, you know. 203 00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:19,900 I mean, when you think of all the happy times you had in your life, all those 204 00:21:19,900 --> 00:21:23,480 crazy, wild moments, who'd you have them with? 205 00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:24,700 Family? 206 00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:26,580 People from work? No. 207 00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:27,840 No. 208 00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:30,500 You had them with friends. 209 00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:34,320 How about you, Louise? 210 00:21:34,620 --> 00:21:37,340 I bet you had some pretty wild times with your friends, huh? 211 00:21:38,100 --> 00:21:39,100 Well... 212 00:21:41,230 --> 00:21:43,370 caution to the wind once or twice? 213 00:21:45,810 --> 00:21:46,810 Yes. 214 00:21:47,590 --> 00:21:50,590 What about you, Red? You ever done any wild things? 215 00:21:52,250 --> 00:21:53,250 Not really, no. 216 00:21:54,490 --> 00:21:56,490 Oh, yeah, I forgot who I was talking to. 217 00:22:01,870 --> 00:22:06,110 Well, I, for one, have had many very wild experiences with my friends. 218 00:22:06,790 --> 00:22:10,010 I'll never forget one time in particular. It was Fourth of July many 219 00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:12,340 I'm out in the country with about four buddies. 220 00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:17,140 We stumble into this bar, and we get bombed. I mean polluted. 221 00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:21,160 We get thrown out of there, and we're walking down this windy country road. 222 00:22:21,380 --> 00:22:25,220 We come across this little, tiny, red and white camper. 223 00:22:39,370 --> 00:22:42,950 Race becomes an issue when Grace faces a powerful opponent on L .A. Law. 224 00:22:43,350 --> 00:22:47,770 And Saturday night, the thought of a bikini -clad Brenda has Mary on the 225 00:22:47,770 --> 00:22:48,770 on 227. 226 00:22:49,070 --> 00:22:53,210 Then lift your spirits with Amen, followed by the Golden Girls and Empty 227 00:22:53,530 --> 00:22:57,690 Then Hunter and McCall, the friend of Lloyd, cocked into silence by his 228 00:22:57,690 --> 00:22:59,910 murder in the tense Hunter season premiere. 17204