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On the bus is part one, production
number 0763, recording date 261071, take
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Oh, I'm not interrupting anything, am I?
No, not in the canteen.
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You can sit here. I'm just going to have
a word with Betty.
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Oh, Jack, what a right little sexpot,
that one, eh? Yeah, not at all. Oh,
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here, feel this seat. It's red hot. Is
it?
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Yeah, how long's she been sitting here?
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Only about three minutes.
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Oh, talk about hot pantsers. Must be
scorching.
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With a bit of luck, they might melt.
Yeah.
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00:01:45,200 --> 00:01:47,320
Here, how you getting on? Oh, doddle,
mate.
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Yeah? Coming round to my house Saturday
night, boy.
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00:01:49,680 --> 00:01:53,000
Oh, well, calm down, mate. You've still
got another three days to wait.
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Oh, that looks nice, Jack. Can I have a
bit?
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I thought you was dieting. Go on, then.
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I've been.
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00:02:00,510 --> 00:02:03,170
Look, I've lost three inches off my
waist.
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00:02:03,450 --> 00:02:05,650
If I don't anymore, my skirt will drop
off.
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00:02:06,510 --> 00:02:07,590
Right, you're not having anything.
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00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:12,510
No, I've had a joke, you love. You have
lost a lot of weight lately, haven't
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00:02:12,510 --> 00:02:13,329
you? Yeah.
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00:02:13,330 --> 00:02:14,330
Yeah. How much do you weigh?
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00:02:14,870 --> 00:02:16,570
Guess. Well, I don't know.
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What do you say? Well, I mean, it
depends on the bone structure, doesn't
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mean, some birds have got small bones
and a lot of flesh. Yeah. He's right
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00:02:23,130 --> 00:02:26,710
there. You can't talk to her without
feeling, you see. It's like sort of
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the weight of the turkey at the
Christmas club, you know.
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Yeah, I'll tell you the way we do it.
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Down a minute, down a minute.
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You've got me on.
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00:02:33,610 --> 00:02:34,610
No, I haven't got you on.
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That's meaty, meaty Jack. See, as you go
down, that's very meaty.
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00:02:41,250 --> 00:02:44,810
You haven't got a clue. Look, when it
comes to judging the weight of a bird,
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00:02:44,910 --> 00:02:46,150
you've got to test the drumsticks.
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I'll still say the weight.
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00:02:50,790 --> 00:02:55,410
What do you think you're doing, old
mate?
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00:02:56,060 --> 00:02:58,800
These girls are not working here for
your private pleasure, you know.
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00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:01,000
Oh, no, we were just guessing her
weight.
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00:03:01,680 --> 00:03:04,520
Well, I've heard it called some things
in my time, mate, but never that before.
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00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:06,060
Oh, it's true, Inspector.
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00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:07,840
I bet them they couldn't guess it.
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00:03:08,180 --> 00:03:09,740
See if you can, Mr Blake.
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00:03:10,300 --> 00:03:14,980
What? Oh, no, I have no idea at all. Oh,
God, Blakey, I mean, it's just like
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00:03:14,980 --> 00:03:16,860
guessing the weight of the turkey at
Christmas, isn't it?
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00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:18,520
She's not a turkey, mate.
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00:03:18,780 --> 00:03:22,200
No, no, it's dead right there. I mean, a
turkey's a bird you only get once a
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00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:23,200
year.
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00:03:23,940 --> 00:03:27,180
Now, go on, Blakey. Now, get away. Go
on. Go on, have a prod. Go on, have a
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00:03:27,180 --> 00:03:28,960
prod. You lecherous layabout, you.
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00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:32,880
How this girl weighs depends on entirely
how she's built.
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00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:35,520
Well, I tell you how she's built, mate.
She's double -fronted for a start.
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00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:41,040
Yes, and her base is not bad either.
You're asking for it. You lecherous
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00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:44,540
layabout. Now, you get out and get your
butt out. You're due out. Come on.
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00:03:44,700 --> 00:03:45,720
Listen, wait a minute.
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00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:47,320
You haven't guessed my weight yet.
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00:03:47,680 --> 00:03:48,680
Well, I bet I can.
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00:03:48,780 --> 00:03:50,080
But I'll have to pick you up first.
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00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:54,400
Well, everybody gets a chance to hold
the curtain before they guess the right.
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00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:55,780
Here, come here. I will show you what I
mean.
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00:04:00,420 --> 00:04:01,420
Sure.
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00:04:03,260 --> 00:04:04,500
Oh, that's strong.
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00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:06,500
About nine stands, ten and a half.
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00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:07,780
Well, what do you say, Stan?
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00:04:11,180 --> 00:04:12,380
Well... Don't you ask me out there.
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00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:16,779
Well, I don't have to do it, really. I
mean... Can't you do it?
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00:04:17,070 --> 00:04:17,849
Aren't you strong enough?
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00:04:17,850 --> 00:04:21,110
Course he is. Go on, mate. It's only a
question of technique, isn't it?
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00:04:21,430 --> 00:04:22,430
Come on, Butler.
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00:04:22,470 --> 00:04:23,470
Let's see you try it.
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00:04:23,750 --> 00:04:24,750
Come on.
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00:04:25,210 --> 00:04:27,210
All right. Come here, Dad. Easy.
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00:04:27,410 --> 00:04:29,770
Don't worry about that, mate. Nine stone
champ.
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00:04:32,990 --> 00:04:35,130
Hang on, then. Here we go.
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00:04:36,090 --> 00:04:37,090
Oh, Vic! Vic!
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00:04:37,290 --> 00:04:38,290
Oh!
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00:04:39,410 --> 00:04:40,670
What did you let me go for?
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00:04:41,010 --> 00:04:41,869
Oh, Jeff!
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00:04:41,870 --> 00:04:43,210
Oh, yeah, I can't, I can't get up.
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00:04:43,490 --> 00:04:46,590
You all right, Butler? Oh, yes, yes,
yes, he tell you, it's just a touch of
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00:04:46,590 --> 00:04:49,950
cramp. Oh, yeah, give us a hand, we'll
straighten him up. Yeah, all right. Oh,
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00:04:49,950 --> 00:04:52,190
no, no, for God's sake, I can't stand
it, I can't stand it.
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00:04:52,650 --> 00:04:56,410
Oh, oh, God, oh, oh, this is dreadful,
this is, you've properly upset me there.
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00:04:56,610 --> 00:04:57,870
Oh, it's all right, he's not going to
die.
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00:04:58,130 --> 00:05:00,370
No, it's not that, I'm worried about
who's going to take his bus out.
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00:05:01,530 --> 00:05:04,810
Oh, oh, I'd better go and get the nurse,
I think. No, no, no, I don't want the
85
00:05:04,810 --> 00:05:08,250
nurse. No, it's not for you, it's for
me, mate. Oh, God, it's my stomach
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00:05:08,250 --> 00:05:10,070
acid. Oh, it's all this aggravation.
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00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:11,980
I'd like to go and get another crew.
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00:05:12,580 --> 00:05:14,060
What have you done to yourself, Stanley?
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00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:17,520
Will he be all right? Yes, he'll be all
right. I reckon he's slipped a disc.
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00:05:17,780 --> 00:05:20,540
He won't be like it for long, will he?
Well, it depends. I mean, it might be
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00:05:20,540 --> 00:05:21,540
weeks.
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00:05:21,580 --> 00:05:24,360
There you go, mate. I'll be back within
a day. Just you get me home, all.
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00:05:24,700 --> 00:05:27,640
That was a stupid thing to do, wasn't
it, eh? I told you, you'll never catch
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00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:28,880
doing battle or picking up a woman.
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00:05:29,100 --> 00:05:30,520
If you did, you wouldn't know what to
do, would you?
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00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:38,300
That was a playful business, that was.
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00:05:38,750 --> 00:05:40,710
What are you talking about, blimey? I've
got you upstairs.
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00:05:41,070 --> 00:05:44,210
I haven't dressed you, put you to bed.
What more do you want? God, you took
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00:05:44,210 --> 00:05:46,670
time, over it. Yeah, well, I'm not used
to doing it to a fella.
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00:05:48,210 --> 00:05:50,830
Look at this. He's done all my pyjamas
up wrong.
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00:05:51,070 --> 00:05:53,730
Yeah, well, generally speaking, when I
get them upstairs, I don't have to
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00:05:53,730 --> 00:05:54,970
with putting pyjamas on them.
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00:05:55,190 --> 00:05:58,110
Not unless they're very fussy. If they
come upstairs with you, they're not
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00:05:58,110 --> 00:05:59,110
fussy.
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00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:03,780
Listen, mate, in your state, you won't
be having anybody upstairs with you for
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00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:04,780
very long time.
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00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:07,600
Well, I've got to get back to work. I'll
see you, mate. Look after yourself.
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00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:08,760
Yeah, all right then, Jack, yeah.
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00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:10,000
Oh, cheers, Arthur.
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00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:11,120
See you, Jack.
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00:06:11,540 --> 00:06:13,600
Mars said I ought to bring you in an
extra pillow.
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00:06:13,820 --> 00:06:14,880
Oh, thanks, Arthur, thanks.
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00:06:15,360 --> 00:06:17,580
Oh, it's when I lean back it does it,
you see.
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00:06:17,840 --> 00:06:18,840
Yeah.
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00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:22,800
What's the matter?
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00:06:23,180 --> 00:06:24,180
Oh, blimey.
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00:06:24,380 --> 00:06:26,140
This pillow pongs a bit, doesn't it?
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00:06:26,750 --> 00:06:29,890
Oh, it's on his side of the bed, isn't
it? She always smothers it in winter
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00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:30,890
green ointment.
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00:06:32,250 --> 00:06:35,210
Oh, it turns my stomach over, mate. It
will absolutely stick.
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00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:36,770
Well, never mind, mate.
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00:06:37,190 --> 00:06:38,670
Take your mind off your back, won't it?
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00:06:38,990 --> 00:06:39,990
Oh, go on.
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00:06:40,810 --> 00:06:44,830
Here we are, love. I brought you a nice
cup of nourishing soup. Oh, God, up to
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00:06:44,830 --> 00:06:45,950
do with that, Mum. Thanks very much.
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00:06:46,250 --> 00:06:47,730
It's not bad when I'm resting, you see.
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00:06:48,170 --> 00:06:51,470
But, oh, God, putting this with your
arms on, what a painful experience. I'd
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00:06:51,470 --> 00:06:54,390
go through that again. Oh, no. Well,
never mind. Now, drink that up. It's a
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00:06:54,390 --> 00:06:55,390
soup, yeah.
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00:06:56,990 --> 00:06:57,990
I'll patch it now.
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00:06:58,310 --> 00:07:00,250
The smell of her pillow's put me right
off.
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00:07:00,990 --> 00:07:02,110
What's wrong with my pillow?
133
00:07:02,430 --> 00:07:05,370
Well, it's all that wintergreen muck you
put on it. What do you put it on for?
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00:07:05,770 --> 00:07:07,770
I put it on to keep my guitar away.
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00:07:08,150 --> 00:07:09,470
Gosh, you think it keeps Harper away?
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00:07:10,570 --> 00:07:12,670
I'll tell you something, they ought to
issue that instead of the pill.
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00:07:13,090 --> 00:07:15,290
If you don't want my pillow, you needn't
have it.
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00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:42,760
It'll be all down the street before you
can say what.
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00:07:43,100 --> 00:07:45,260
Go take doctors who swore it was
secrecy.
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00:07:45,500 --> 00:07:47,300
About your body, not about stained
sheets.
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00:07:47,660 --> 00:07:51,780
Here, Ollie, go and get some clean
sheets. And a clean pair of pyjamas. And
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00:07:51,780 --> 00:07:54,700
Arthur in. Oh, God, look at this mess.
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00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:56,280
Come on.
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00:07:56,580 --> 00:07:58,940
Oh, God, I mean, what a mess.
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00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:00,760
Come on, help me move him.
146
00:08:01,020 --> 00:08:03,900
All right, come on. Take it slowly, take
it slowly.
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00:08:04,140 --> 00:08:05,940
Oh, there's the bell.
148
00:08:06,180 --> 00:08:07,180
That's the doctor.
149
00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:12,260
Now, I'll just ease it over here.
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00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:14,180
Don't be such a big baby.
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00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:14,939
All right, then.
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00:08:14,940 --> 00:08:15,940
Oh!
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00:08:16,180 --> 00:08:17,540
Oh, you're enjoying this, aren't you?
154
00:08:21,540 --> 00:08:22,540
Oh.
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00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:25,360
Oh.
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00:08:25,740 --> 00:08:26,940
What? Oh, the other one.
157
00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:30,400
Oh. All right, you can get back into bed
now. Thank you.
158
00:08:31,060 --> 00:08:32,280
Oh. Oh.
159
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:34,059
Your reflex is all right.
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00:08:34,299 --> 00:08:35,500
And you obviously haven't got a slipped
disc.
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00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:36,980
Oh, thank God for that, Doctor.
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00:08:37,780 --> 00:08:39,000
Hey, what is wrong with me, then?
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00:08:39,630 --> 00:08:42,130
He must have stained a few of those
saccus spinalis fibres.
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00:08:44,230 --> 00:08:45,230
Oh.
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00:08:45,830 --> 00:08:46,910
Well, really, where did I go?
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00:08:48,750 --> 00:08:49,770
Oh. Oh,
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00:08:52,030 --> 00:08:53,030
God!
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00:08:53,630 --> 00:08:54,970
God, I wish I had no heart, you know.
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00:08:55,810 --> 00:08:57,110
All right, you can all come in.
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00:08:57,710 --> 00:08:58,870
Is he all right, Doctor?
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00:08:59,170 --> 00:09:00,990
Nothing much, Ron. Just stained his back
a bit.
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00:09:02,130 --> 00:09:03,130
I'm not surprised.
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00:09:03,590 --> 00:09:06,710
He always had a weakness there, ever
since he was little.
174
00:09:07,310 --> 00:09:08,450
Ever? Yes.
175
00:09:08,970 --> 00:09:13,330
It first happened when he lifted my
little Ollie out of her pram. I can well
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00:09:13,330 --> 00:09:14,330
believe that.
177
00:09:15,870 --> 00:09:19,110
The pain lasts a few days, so I'll give
you a prescription for some tablets.
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00:09:19,170 --> 00:09:20,109
Thank you.
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00:09:20,110 --> 00:09:22,770
Perhaps some of Ollie's green pills are
doing good.
180
00:09:23,030 --> 00:09:25,670
Oh, yes, they did my back a lot of good.
Green pills?
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00:09:25,990 --> 00:09:26,990
Did I prescribe those?
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00:09:27,090 --> 00:09:28,530
No, I got those from Aunt Maud.
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00:09:28,810 --> 00:09:29,930
Did she have a bad back?
184
00:09:30,430 --> 00:09:32,810
No, they were left over from her liver.
185
00:09:33,090 --> 00:09:37,250
They were not! They were left over from
her liver! Shut up and love it, you boy!
186
00:09:38,670 --> 00:09:40,630
I'll have what the doctor prescribed for
me.
187
00:09:40,930 --> 00:09:44,210
There he is. Thank you. He killed the
pain, and you should be able to get
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00:09:44,210 --> 00:09:46,450
all right in a couple of days. Ah, good.
Then I'll get back to work.
189
00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:47,609
Oh.
190
00:09:47,610 --> 00:09:49,670
Oh, you're a bus driver, aren't you?
191
00:09:50,010 --> 00:09:51,270
Yeah. No, no.
192
00:09:51,830 --> 00:09:54,470
Driving a heavy vehicle like that, you
could put too much strain upon your back
193
00:09:54,470 --> 00:09:55,470
and then it would never heat.
194
00:09:55,650 --> 00:09:58,110
I've got to. I mean, I don't get sick by
the time I'm out, you know.
195
00:09:58,390 --> 00:09:59,470
But we need the money.
196
00:10:00,510 --> 00:10:04,270
Well, I suppose you'd be quite safe
driving the bus if you had a lumbosacral
197
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:05,270
support.
198
00:10:06,190 --> 00:10:07,190
What's that, then?
199
00:10:07,659 --> 00:10:08,659
A corset.
200
00:10:10,420 --> 00:10:11,420
Corset, me?
201
00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:14,780
That's your face!
202
00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:17,920
Look, if you want to get back diving
that bus in a couple of days' time,
203
00:10:17,920 --> 00:10:18,819
got no choice.
204
00:10:18,820 --> 00:10:21,760
It's a normal practice. I mean, you can
get it on the National Health.
205
00:10:22,700 --> 00:10:23,599
National Health?
206
00:10:23,600 --> 00:10:24,880
But I've been out to take six months.
207
00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:25,979
Oh, yes, please.
208
00:10:25,980 --> 00:10:28,200
But don't worry. I've got an old one
done at the surgery.
209
00:10:28,460 --> 00:10:30,680
If you come round, I'll lend it to you.
Oh, thank you.
210
00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:35,300
You're to take no exercise whatsoever
without it for at least a couple of
211
00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:36,079
Right -o, Doctor.
212
00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:37,220
There you are. Thank you.
213
00:10:41,030 --> 00:10:43,910
I can't wait to see you in your corset,
mate.
214
00:10:44,470 --> 00:10:48,210
I can't see anything funny in that,
mate. I'm wearing that corset because of
215
00:10:48,210 --> 00:10:49,210
strained back.
216
00:10:49,270 --> 00:10:50,750
Well, I find it highly amusing.
217
00:10:50,990 --> 00:10:51,989
Do you?
218
00:10:51,990 --> 00:10:54,970
Well, I'll tell you something, mate. If
you'd have worn a corset, you might not
219
00:10:54,970 --> 00:10:55,970
have needed your operation.
220
00:10:56,250 --> 00:10:57,250
No.
221
00:11:13,870 --> 00:11:14,870
Blimey, is this a mate?
222
00:11:16,250 --> 00:11:17,250
What's it say here?
223
00:11:17,530 --> 00:11:18,530
Oh, yeah.
224
00:11:20,130 --> 00:11:24,110
Lumbosacral corset, specially reinforced
with rigid steel bars.
225
00:11:25,270 --> 00:11:26,290
Where are they, then?
226
00:11:26,570 --> 00:11:27,650
Oh, this must be it.
227
00:11:29,490 --> 00:11:30,590
God, blimey.
228
00:11:30,950 --> 00:11:32,650
Stan? What do you want?
229
00:11:32,910 --> 00:11:35,230
Are you managing all right? Do you want
any help?
230
00:11:35,490 --> 00:11:37,190
Don't come in and get on my own!
231
00:11:38,390 --> 00:11:39,390
Oh! Oh!
232
00:11:40,270 --> 00:11:41,670
Dan, what happened?
233
00:11:43,660 --> 00:11:44,660
me corset.
234
00:11:44,840 --> 00:11:48,240
Oh, dump it down and pick it up. You
know what the doctor said.
235
00:11:48,680 --> 00:11:50,760
Here, let me give you a hand.
236
00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:53,880
I'm better at doing these than you are.
237
00:11:54,100 --> 00:11:55,099
I can manage.
238
00:11:55,100 --> 00:11:56,100
Can we help?
239
00:11:57,420 --> 00:12:00,220
Well, I don't need for you to help me to
put this on, I tell you.
240
00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:01,960
Don't be, mate.
241
00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:04,540
Looks like you need three people to help
hold it up.
242
00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:07,480
You didn't tell me it came complete with
its own tool kit.
243
00:12:07,700 --> 00:12:11,400
Oh, don't talk about that. I need you to
steal rods that brace it up in there
244
00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:14,640
like that. See, this one goes in there
and that one goes in there like that.
245
00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:19,880
Come on, love, now let me give you a
hand to get it on. Be careful now, be
246
00:12:19,880 --> 00:12:21,760
careful now. Come on, love. Hold on to
mum.
247
00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:23,640
Got it? Got it?
248
00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:25,440
That's one.
249
00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:26,559
Gently, gently.
250
00:12:26,560 --> 00:12:28,760
Oh, this is a bit, it's a killer. Oh,
careful.
251
00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:30,880
That's it. Now up we go.
252
00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:32,240
That's right.
253
00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:33,359
That is pretty.
254
00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:34,259
Oh, yeah.
255
00:12:34,260 --> 00:12:36,180
Shut up, shut up. Now, get a strap.
256
00:12:36,560 --> 00:12:39,620
Give him a good pull. Wait a minute,
wait a minute, ma 'am. Don't rush me,
257
00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:41,120
Well,
258
00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:44,500
it's not very comfortable, dear. I know
it from old.
259
00:12:45,100 --> 00:12:46,100
Got it? Oh,
260
00:12:46,620 --> 00:12:47,940
this is murder. This is... Oh, quick.
261
00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:49,059
Undo it a bit.
262
00:12:49,060 --> 00:12:50,060
Oh, I feel dizzy.
263
00:12:50,260 --> 00:12:51,260
Here.
264
00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:52,639
Smell it, sorts.
265
00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:54,260
Methinks my lady has the vapour.
266
00:12:55,660 --> 00:12:58,340
Look, I'm not evidence you'll make me
wrong. Snooze, smash your TV.
267
00:12:58,580 --> 00:13:01,060
Here, don't lose your temper just
because you're wearing a cool thing.
268
00:13:01,370 --> 00:13:04,110
And don't stop calling me a corset. Oh,
I'm sorry. I beg your pardon. Your
269
00:13:04,110 --> 00:13:05,150
foundation garment.
270
00:13:06,710 --> 00:13:08,330
Give me trousers.
271
00:13:08,590 --> 00:13:12,010
Oh, come on. Now then, you'll be all
right once you get these on.
272
00:13:12,330 --> 00:13:14,730
There, now then. Okay, that's it. Hello,
Jack.
273
00:13:14,970 --> 00:13:15,970
Put your leg in.
274
00:13:16,270 --> 00:13:17,270
I've got you.
275
00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:21,310
Well, I can't bend with this on, can I?
That's the whole point of it, isn't it,
276
00:13:21,330 --> 00:13:22,330
mate? So you don't bend.
277
00:13:22,610 --> 00:13:23,369
Oh, come on.
278
00:13:23,370 --> 00:13:25,530
Well, lie down on the bed. Lie down.
279
00:13:25,770 --> 00:13:26,790
Oh, no, no, no.
280
00:13:31,350 --> 00:13:34,730
Right, that's it. Come on, then. I'll be
toast. I'll be toast. I'll be toast.
281
00:13:35,010 --> 00:13:36,710
I'll be toast. I'll be toast. I'll be
toast.
282
00:13:37,530 --> 00:13:38,229
I'll be toast.
283
00:13:38,230 --> 00:13:39,230
I'll be toast. I'll be toast.
284
00:13:39,370 --> 00:13:40,370
I'll be toast.
285
00:13:40,730 --> 00:13:41,990
I'll be toast. I'll be toast.
286
00:13:42,750 --> 00:13:45,190
I'll be toast.
287
00:13:48,730 --> 00:13:55,670
I'll be toast.
288
00:14:00,730 --> 00:14:02,310
Like they do when they're expecting.
289
00:14:04,490 --> 00:14:06,550
It's like some barn and maternity dress.
290
00:14:06,990 --> 00:14:08,310
But I'm not expecting.
291
00:14:09,250 --> 00:14:10,250
What a pity.
292
00:14:10,270 --> 00:14:13,630
I think you'd look very nice in a smock.
Oh, shut up. I'm just about out of luck
293
00:14:13,630 --> 00:14:15,050
with you. Oh, come on. Turn around,
mate.
294
00:14:15,330 --> 00:14:18,450
I'll try and tighten it up a bit more.
All right. Are you ready? Yeah. One,
295
00:14:18,470 --> 00:14:19,470
three.
296
00:14:20,910 --> 00:14:21,950
It's gone red in the face.
297
00:14:22,910 --> 00:14:25,670
Well, look, mate. I've got it up to its
extremity.
298
00:14:26,430 --> 00:14:29,510
Look, there's only one thing for it.
You'll have to get another pair of
299
00:14:29,510 --> 00:14:30,850
with a larger waist.
300
00:14:31,230 --> 00:14:34,610
Oh, I've got a pair of black slacks. Do
you think my waist is bigger than
301
00:14:34,610 --> 00:14:36,110
Stan's? You haven't got a waist.
302
00:14:36,930 --> 00:14:40,230
Arthur, yes, I think that would be a
very good idea.
303
00:14:40,550 --> 00:14:41,550
They're like these.
304
00:14:42,210 --> 00:14:43,470
I'll have a pair of those, Ollie.
305
00:14:43,950 --> 00:14:45,390
No, hang on. No, I can't have them.
306
00:14:46,330 --> 00:14:47,790
Yours zips up the sides.
307
00:14:49,090 --> 00:14:50,090
Couldn't you manage?
308
00:14:54,450 --> 00:14:55,710
Oh, dear good woman.
309
00:14:56,590 --> 00:15:00,090
I think what with the corset on the zip
up the side, he'd find life very
310
00:15:00,090 --> 00:15:01,090
difficult.
311
00:15:02,030 --> 00:15:04,710
Oh, shut up, the lot of you. I'll put me
belt round it, that's all.
312
00:15:04,970 --> 00:15:08,010
You know, how you going to do your zip
up?
313
00:15:09,170 --> 00:15:11,710
Yeah, I suppose you're right. It'll keep
slipping down. I'll tell you what,
314
00:15:11,770 --> 00:15:14,970
mate. I'll tell you what. These laces
are a bit long. Bring that round the
315
00:15:14,970 --> 00:15:18,370
front, tighten the zip, Bob's your
uncle. Oh, get out of it. Get out, the
316
00:15:18,370 --> 00:15:20,230
you. I'll finish dressing this up. All
right, all right.
317
00:15:20,450 --> 00:15:21,970
Here, stand, stand, stand, stand.
318
00:15:22,290 --> 00:15:24,210
Look, mate, if you do feel a bit
uncomfortable...
319
00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:27,420
Don't worry. All you've got to do is
loosen your stays.
320
00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:29,160
Get out!
321
00:15:35,420 --> 00:15:36,560
Oh, blimey, there you are.
322
00:15:38,460 --> 00:15:41,660
You're looking a bit stiff. You're
walking around as if your underwear's
323
00:15:41,660 --> 00:15:42,660
starched. What's the matter?
324
00:15:42,920 --> 00:15:46,040
Well, tell you the truth, Jack, and
don't laugh, mate, when I tell you.
325
00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:48,740
See, I've got a corset on.
326
00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:50,000
A corset?
327
00:15:50,460 --> 00:15:54,240
Yeah, well, you see, when I strained
myself in the canteen the other day,
328
00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:55,660
the doctor's made me put this on, see.
329
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,040
Blimey.
330
00:15:58,520 --> 00:16:01,940
No, I've got the safety fins there, you
see, because I couldn't do the zip -up.
331
00:16:02,140 --> 00:16:04,780
Oh, that's going to be a bit awkward,
isn't it? I tell you what, where do you
332
00:16:04,780 --> 00:16:07,880
want to go? Tell me, and Mummy will undo
your safety fins.
333
00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:11,820
Don't you start, Blimey.
334
00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:13,440
Listen,
335
00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:16,860
you wait till Blakey sees you. Go,
Blimey, run off now.
336
00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:21,080
Oh, no, Jack, do us a favour. Don't let
on to Blake. If he finds I'm like this,
337
00:16:21,180 --> 00:16:23,120
he won't let me drive the bus. He'll
send me home.
338
00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:26,860
All right, then. Come on, then, mate.
Shine on. All right, then. Here,
339
00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:32,280
pick that pencil up for me. What are you
talking about?
340
00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:35,640
Pick it up. It's a good I can't bend in
this thing, can I?
341
00:16:35,860 --> 00:16:39,120
Listen, I'm not going to wet nurse you.
You'll have to learn how to do it. Yeah,
342
00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:40,200
I suppose I'd better try.
343
00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:42,300
It's not easy when your back's bad.
344
00:16:44,100 --> 00:16:45,480
Oh, oh, sorry, Butler.
345
00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:49,180
I didn't realise you were coming in. Oh,
yeah, I'm all right now, Blakey.
346
00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:51,260
All right, Butler. All right, mate.
347
00:16:51,870 --> 00:16:53,030
You don't let her curtsy to me.
348
00:16:54,850 --> 00:16:56,070
I'm not royalty, you know.
349
00:16:56,890 --> 00:16:58,810
Aren't you? We always thought you was an
old queen.
350
00:17:01,030 --> 00:17:03,750
Oh, he's no pleasure in life at all, is
he? What do you mean?
351
00:17:04,170 --> 00:17:07,010
I thought you were going to be out for
weeks and weeks rolling in bed in agony.
352
00:17:08,790 --> 00:17:09,790
Here.
353
00:17:10,770 --> 00:17:12,710
You've only been out for three days. Are
you sure you're all right?
354
00:17:12,950 --> 00:17:15,910
Oh, yeah, yeah. I just pulled a few
little muscles in my back, that's all.
355
00:17:16,349 --> 00:17:18,410
You're lucky, mate. My brother did that.
356
00:17:18,839 --> 00:17:20,180
He was wearing a corset for six weeks.
357
00:17:20,380 --> 00:17:21,380
Was he?
358
00:17:21,420 --> 00:17:22,420
Are you kidding?
359
00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:25,500
Yeah, it surprises you, doesn't it?
Yeah, we always thought you was the one
360
00:17:25,500 --> 00:17:26,880
the family to be wearing the corset.
361
00:17:27,660 --> 00:17:28,660
Shut up.
362
00:17:29,120 --> 00:17:31,120
Actually, that did him a lot of harm,
actually, doing that.
363
00:17:32,500 --> 00:17:35,260
Did it what harm? Yeah, he tightened it
up too much.
364
00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:37,440
What happened?
365
00:17:38,020 --> 00:17:40,580
It cut off the flow of blood for some of
his vital organs.
366
00:17:42,900 --> 00:17:44,640
Yeah, she's never been right since.
367
00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:47,940
Right, come on, get this butt out there.
Come on, you're late.
368
00:17:48,910 --> 00:17:49,910
All right, come on, mate.
369
00:17:50,050 --> 00:17:53,130
Here. Do you think you're going to be
able to drive this bus all right? I take
370
00:17:53,130 --> 00:17:56,390
no notice of him. Of course I can drive
it. Si, what are you worried about?
371
00:17:56,630 --> 00:17:58,770
Well, I'll be travelling inside. That's
what I'm worried about. Well, you've got
372
00:17:58,770 --> 00:18:00,810
nothing to worry about, mate. I can
drive it. I tell you that.
373
00:18:01,310 --> 00:18:02,310
Oh!
374
00:18:02,530 --> 00:18:05,890
Drive it? Blimey, you can't even get in
it. All right, Si, I can't get in it. I
375
00:18:05,890 --> 00:18:06,890
need you to give me a hand, Jack.
376
00:18:07,030 --> 00:18:08,950
Well, listen, that's more than I can
manage, isn't it?
377
00:18:09,610 --> 00:18:13,050
George, mate, here. Come here. Give us a
hand with Stan, will you? Take it easy,
378
00:18:13,130 --> 00:18:14,130
though. Take it easy.
379
00:18:14,300 --> 00:18:15,300
Right, take it. Up you go.
380
00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:19,560
Wait a minute, wait a minute. There's
something stopping him. My head, my
381
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:20,640
you idiot, my head.
382
00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:22,239
Sorry, Brown.
383
00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:23,460
Well, how can this mercy be?
384
00:18:23,660 --> 00:18:26,020
This reminds me of back in my bucket in
the garage.
385
00:18:26,220 --> 00:18:28,700
Yeah, well, watch out for your rear
bumpers. Yeah, all right. Come on in.
386
00:18:29,120 --> 00:18:30,120
Tip him up.
387
00:18:32,340 --> 00:18:33,340
What's going on here?
388
00:18:33,580 --> 00:18:35,040
Oh, we're tearing him.
389
00:18:36,340 --> 00:18:37,520
What's he, Wonder Cup final?
390
00:18:39,410 --> 00:18:40,530
Come on, what's going on?
391
00:18:40,730 --> 00:18:44,650
No, the lads are pleased to see me back.
Yeah, well, it wasn't the same without
392
00:18:44,650 --> 00:18:47,370
him. No, you know, you're right. It
wasn't right.
393
00:18:47,970 --> 00:18:50,890
No, there's a room inside and there's
trouble and aggravation.
394
00:18:51,150 --> 00:18:53,150
Now, come on, get him in that bus and
get out of here.
395
00:18:56,790 --> 00:18:57,870
There's nothing wrong with him.
396
00:18:58,530 --> 00:18:59,990
He is fit to drive, I suppose.
397
00:19:00,190 --> 00:19:01,390
Oh, well, there's your phone, Blackie.
398
00:19:01,790 --> 00:19:02,509
Oh, good.
399
00:19:02,510 --> 00:19:06,290
Oh, hang about, don't... Quick, quick,
come on. Get him in, quick, quick. Come
400
00:19:06,290 --> 00:19:07,290
here, mate.
401
00:19:09,250 --> 00:19:10,250
Push. That's it.
402
00:19:10,430 --> 00:19:11,430
Hang on.
403
00:19:11,990 --> 00:19:12,549
That's it.
404
00:19:12,550 --> 00:19:13,550
Wait a minute, Dad.
405
00:19:13,990 --> 00:19:17,490
Don't leave me in here. I can't get my
leg down. Oh, come on. What's the matter
406
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:18,469
with you? Put it down.
407
00:19:18,470 --> 00:19:18,969
Wait a minute.
408
00:19:18,970 --> 00:19:19,749
Wait a minute.
409
00:19:19,750 --> 00:19:20,750
Wait a minute.
410
00:19:21,870 --> 00:19:27,030
I can't drive like this, you idiot. The
pedals are round there, aren't they?
411
00:19:27,590 --> 00:19:28,810
Put your legs up there.
412
00:19:29,110 --> 00:19:30,110
That's it. There we are.
413
00:19:31,650 --> 00:19:32,750
You threw the wheel.
414
00:19:43,180 --> 00:19:44,180
Oh! Oh, Jack.
415
00:19:44,700 --> 00:19:47,000
Every time I bend forward, this thing
digs into me.
416
00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:49,880
Yeah, well, watch yourself when you jam
the brakes on, or you might do yourself
417
00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:50,880
in half the injury.
418
00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:16,040
Not bad, eh, Jack?
419
00:20:16,420 --> 00:20:19,140
I got away with old Blakely not knowing
I got this thing on, eh?
420
00:20:19,940 --> 00:20:21,140
Are you going to stay down?
421
00:20:21,780 --> 00:20:22,780
No, no.
422
00:20:23,660 --> 00:20:24,920
I've got a date with Doran, haven't I?
423
00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:26,199
Taking her home.
424
00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:27,620
What are you going to do with that
corset on?
425
00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:29,980
Take it off, of course, mate.
426
00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:32,180
It's all right as long as I don't bend
my back.
427
00:20:32,430 --> 00:20:33,650
Or do any violent exercise.
428
00:20:34,010 --> 00:20:38,110
Get on the sofa with her and not do any
violent exercise. You must be joking.
429
00:20:38,870 --> 00:20:42,210
I'm not joking. I know what's wrong with
you, mate. You're jealous. Listen, I've
430
00:20:42,210 --> 00:20:44,930
been waiting for this date for weeks,
mate. Look, I'll manage somehow.
431
00:20:45,250 --> 00:20:45,949
I'm ready.
432
00:20:45,950 --> 00:20:46,950
All right, darling.
433
00:20:47,810 --> 00:20:50,450
Tell her, Jack, mate. I'll see you, boy.
Yeah, tell her, mate.
434
00:20:51,710 --> 00:20:53,190
Yeah, you'll manage somehow.
435
00:20:55,590 --> 00:20:56,590
Come in, darling.
436
00:21:02,930 --> 00:21:03,930
Come in, love.
437
00:21:06,270 --> 00:21:10,270
You know, that's a nice little pub,
isn't it? I don't know why I bothered to
438
00:21:10,270 --> 00:21:13,110
come back here with you. You haven't let
me near you all evening.
439
00:21:13,710 --> 00:21:15,250
What's the matter? Don't you fancy me?
440
00:21:15,690 --> 00:21:17,250
Oh, don't be silly. Of course I do.
441
00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:18,710
Oh, give us a big hug, then.
442
00:21:19,170 --> 00:21:20,530
What are you wearing?
443
00:21:21,410 --> 00:21:22,410
You're all out.
444
00:21:22,930 --> 00:21:23,930
Am I?
445
00:21:24,550 --> 00:21:25,550
Yes, well, uh...
446
00:21:26,350 --> 00:21:29,670
Look, you go in the front room, and I'll
just knock upstairs for a second. Won't
447
00:21:29,670 --> 00:21:30,409
be a minute? Okay.
448
00:21:30,410 --> 00:21:32,150
Well, don't be long. I won't be long, I
promise you.
449
00:21:33,330 --> 00:21:34,330
No,
450
00:21:36,050 --> 00:21:38,470
no.
451
00:21:39,790 --> 00:21:44,350
Well, you see, I strained me back in the
canteen the other day, and I've got to
452
00:21:44,350 --> 00:21:46,650
put this on, and it's only for a few
days.
453
00:21:47,310 --> 00:21:48,310
It's a corset.
454
00:21:49,050 --> 00:21:51,230
It'd be a man wearing a corset.
455
00:21:52,490 --> 00:21:54,230
Don't muck about. Don't you start as
well.
456
00:21:55,040 --> 00:21:57,400
Look, come on, I'll just slip upstairs
and take it off. It won't be a minute.
457
00:21:57,520 --> 00:21:58,920
It'll take you hours to get out of that
thing.
458
00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:02,580
I'm going. No, no, don't go. It won't
take long. Come in here. Come in here a
459
00:22:02,580 --> 00:22:03,580
minute. Go to the front room.
460
00:22:04,060 --> 00:22:05,060
Go in here. Listen,
461
00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:09,480
I promise you, I promise you, it won't
take long. Look, you're only all
462
00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:11,540
with four straps, you see. It's not.
It's later.
463
00:22:12,060 --> 00:22:14,440
Look, I'd better go. No, no, I'll have
it off in the chippy.
464
00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:17,780
I'll take it off here. You know, read a
magazine, do anything you like. No, I
465
00:22:17,780 --> 00:22:19,660
won't. It won't be long. I've got to go
now.
466
00:22:22,300 --> 00:22:23,300
One second.
467
00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:25,560
You just take your coat off. That's it.
Make yourself at home.
468
00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:30,340
You get me so excited.
469
00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:32,080
I've got fingers and thumbs with you.
470
00:22:33,700 --> 00:22:36,720
I never thought I'd have to take off a
pair of stays for anybody.
471
00:22:38,100 --> 00:22:41,520
No, no, you sit down. No, get out of it.
Go on, you sit down.
472
00:22:41,740 --> 00:22:42,740
This won't take you long.
473
00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:44,260
I laughed at you.
474
00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:45,520
Yeah, I know you would.
475
00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:46,840
I'll just get this off.
476
00:22:47,380 --> 00:22:48,380
Oh, that's better.
477
00:22:56,070 --> 00:22:57,170
Blimey, what a relief that is.
478
00:22:58,190 --> 00:23:00,550
Now I know how you women feel when you
take your roll -ons off.
479
00:23:02,250 --> 00:23:09,150
Sure you're all right? Yeah, but be
480
00:23:09,150 --> 00:23:10,270
careful with me back, see?
481
00:23:10,550 --> 00:23:11,550
That's all.
482
00:23:24,360 --> 00:23:25,360
your lips a bit more.
483
00:23:27,740 --> 00:23:28,740
No, no.
484
00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:34,040
I'm up to you. No, no, no.
485
00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:37,220
Come on, come on.
486
00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:47,300
Are you all right?
487
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:49,860
Yeah, I can't. I can't.
488
00:23:51,020 --> 00:23:52,820
Oh. Oh, I've done it.
489
00:23:54,340 --> 00:23:57,260
It's gone again. My back's gone. I've
done it in. Oh, Stan, what are you going
490
00:23:57,260 --> 00:23:58,260
to do?
491
00:23:58,340 --> 00:23:59,340
I'll have to go up to bed.
492
00:23:59,460 --> 00:24:02,220
And you'll have to go home. I'm sorry.
I'm not going home. Listen, I'm taking
493
00:24:02,220 --> 00:24:02,999
you to bed.
494
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:04,080
You'll never manage it alone.
495
00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:08,320
No, no, forget it. Oh, don't be daft.
Now, don't move.
496
00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:09,640
Don't move. I can't.
497
00:24:10,220 --> 00:24:11,220
Open the door.
498
00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:16,040
Look, I tell you, I'm all right. Listen,
I'm not having any more of it. I'm
499
00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:17,140
taking you up to your bedroom.
500
00:24:19,760 --> 00:24:20,760
Isn't it marvellous, eh?
501
00:24:21,130 --> 00:24:24,230
The first time a bird's ever insisted I
take a bit of bed and I'm like this.
502
00:24:25,930 --> 00:24:28,050
I get all the pain but never the
pleasure.
39866
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