All language subtitles for on_the_buses_s01e03_olive_takes_a_trip

Now ladies and gentlemen, we'll have a
little bit of applause at the beginning

of the show. That's to show you're here,
and we're starting the button engine

now, let's just see if it works.

And when I wave to you after the thing
starts, don't wave back, start clapping.

And I'll tell you when it's...

Where is that leaf?

You know, Mum, I don't think Stan's
going to like it when he finds out I'm

working on the buses.

Well, if your husband doesn't mind you
being a clipper, I don't see why your

brother should.

Yeah, but you know what Stan's like
about things like... Hello, love.

Hello, love.

How you going, love?

All right. That's your idea, girl. Oh,
thanks very much.

Oh, charming.

Why don't you buy a paper for a change?

Well, it's a bit of a waste of time,
isn't it? Clive puts it on me, it might

just well take turns.

Turns? Last time you bought one, they
were a penny. No, no, come on, come on,

Stan. Come and sit down and have your
tea.

Well,

it's got some news.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, come on, where is
it then?

She's getting a job.

I bet that's made the headlines.

Have a look, mate.

Let's see. That's 47 you've had this
year, isn't it?

Oh, Stan, don't be rude to your sister.

She can't help it.

It's the labour exchange.

Yeah. They haven't invented one to suit
her yet.

Yeah, well, I must say, I don't approve
of my wife working, really. So they will

help with the little luxuries, won't it?
Oh, she's going to buy you a fag, then.

Right, come on, then. Give us it. What's
the news? Well, it was Mum's idea.

Well, I had a brainwave.

Oh, yeah?

She's working on the buses.

Something gone down the wrong way, love.

That bit of news did.

Oh, Olive on the... buses? Yes.

It's going to be nice for her working at
the same depot as you.

Me? Why me?

Why not? You're her brother.

Well, you're her husband.

Why don't you get her a job on the
railways?

Let her work in the booking office, will
you?

Selling railway tickets is highly
skilled work. What on earth would she

She could clean your little window.

Or do you like it dirty so the people
can't see what you're up to?

Those windows are dark because they're
armour -plated to stop the bullets.

Bullets? Who from?

Bandit or passengers?

Oh, come on.

No, she wouldn't suit you, love, I'm
telling you that.

Yeah, well, as I say, I don't approve of
my wife working, really.

Oh, but the money will come in useful,
Arthur.

Working at the Clippy, I'll earn £11 .10
a week.

£14 .13 and five with late shift and
overtime.

Why don't you get her on nights?

That's a good idea. That'll bring it up
to 17 ,000. Oh, shut up.

I still don't think it suits you, love.

And you're very choosy, love. Besides,
where do you see the application form?

That'll soon put you off. Oh, she's
filled in all the form.

Haven't you, love? Show it to Sam.

Yeah, all except the questions on the
back, the medical section.

Yeah. Question number one.

What's it say? I can't read the small
print.

Have you got good eyesight?

I'll put yes.

What are you talking about? Blimey, she
couldn't read the question.

Oh, well, she could if she had her
proper glasses and a little more light.

Now then, question two.

Have you had any of the following
childhood diseases?

Tick and put date against the ones you
have had.

God, your pen will run out of ink.

Mumps. Now, let me see.

What was those dates?

Dates? You don't have mumps twice.

Olive did.

Oh, well, I put two ticks, yes.

Now, measles, open cough, German
measles.

Oh, there are a lot, aren't there?

Why don't you make it a fermentation?

I still don't say that she's not fit for
the job.

Oh. Do you suffer from dizzy spells,
nausea and fainting?

Blimey, she's had a jackpot there.

I'll put no.

What do you mean no? What about last
week?

Oh, well, that was because of the
weather. It was awful.

Now, let's see. Four.

Do you suffer from vertigo? No, she
never has that. What is it?

Vertigo is being frightened of heights
and high places.

Oh, I am. Even going up the stairs.

to do on the top deck of a bus, then?
Well, it's all right when she closes her

eyes. Oh, that's marvelous, isn't it?
Wandering about on the top deck of a bus

with your eyes shut.

You're supposed to be collecting fares,
not playing blind man's buff with the

passengers. This is ridiculous.

You've got to answer them properly.

Now, look here, I've filled in all the
forms. Now, Sam, all you've got to do is

just sign it there, see?

Please sign.

Look here, you've worked on the buses
for so long, you can recommend Olive.

You can say that she's suitable for,
uh...

For... Let's see what she is suitable
for. Oh, she's suitable... A suitable

person to serve as a conductress. There
you are. Well, I don't think she is.

Besides, if the fellas knew I put her
up, they'd kill me.

Go on.

Go on. Do as you're told, love.

The manager's the only one who'll know.

All right, then. I'll sign it.

But I'll put the next for no publicity.

There, now. I've made it fit.

Arthur, don't you think Olive looks nice
in her uniform?

Yeah, dazzling.

Hey, I dashed home early.

I might be the last bit of football in
half hour. Stan, Stan, look at Olive's

suit. I've altered it. You know, show it
off. Show it off.

Yeah, looks like one of them Paris
models.

Not exactly style by Christian Dior, was
he?

Looks more like it's been bashed out by
Leyland Motors.

Here, how's the training going, love?

Olive starts on her own tomorrow. We
want you to give her a bit of last

advice.

Here, what do I do first? Do I tear up
the tickets or take their money?

Go on, show her. Well, I can't without
rolling tickets.

Here,

what are you doing?

Now, Oliver left. You imagine she got
the tickets.

Oh, wait a minute. I've got an idea.

You are. That'll do, dear. Just take it.

I'll give her that. I bought that.

What do you mean, bought it? It's got
British Railways stamped on every seat.

I supplied it, didn't I? No wonder the
British Railways are going broke.

Now, there we are, there we are. Now,
we've got to imagine, we've got to

that these are the butt seats.

Come on, Sam.

Why can't I do it after the match is
over? Oh, come on.

Oh, all right then, all right. There we
are.

What are we doing?

Oh, well, you have to imagine it's a
very long journey.

Bus, please!

Bus, please!

Come on, Stan.

Ask him for your ticket.

A six -minute one from the high street
to Warwick Road. Yes, sir.

Wrong. Eh?

Oh, I thought you'd done that very
nicely.

But there isn't a bus that goes from the
high street to Warwick Road.

Stan, you are awful. You tell your teeth
and you laugh.

Just like when we were children.

Now, I'll do it properly this time. Now,
come on, hurry up, hurry up, will you?

Give me a tenpenny one to the cemetery
gates, and I've only got a quid.

Tenpence from a pound, that'll be... 19,
and tuppence change,

and there's your ticket.

Ah, you can't say she didn't do that
well. Very good. The only difference was

only gave her a ten -bob note.

Oh, Sam.

I don't call that very nice. I'm sure no
one will be as selfish as I am.

You're joking, Mum. At least I gave her
money.

One dark and dark night, somebody's
going to work her a soap voucher.

Now, I'll be fair with you, love. I'll
tell you what I'll do. Take your money

back. Listen, I'm going to ask you a
question now. Look, if a drunk got on

bus, drunk got on the bus, see, wanted
to cause a fight, what would you do?

on. Well, the inspector said... Don't
worry about what he said.

I'm the driver and I know.

Right, if he wants to start a fight,
he'll rap smartly on the window of the

Of course, so he can come and help you.

No, so he can lock himself in.

Anne, you would go and help your clip
here. No, it's far better for him to

there than if she's in real trouble, it
can drive her straight to the hospital.

Well, I'm fed up with this game anyway.

Hey, Arthur.

Hey. Come here and play an awkward
passenger.

How do I do that? Just be yourself.

No, I don't think that's very nice,
really, I don't say. Here, come on,

come and help your wife.

Go on, go on. All right, all right. Come
on, I'll get the set warmed up.

Passes, passes.

I'll have a sixpenny and here's a pound
note.

Now, I'd better be sure this is a pound.

Especially if it's Arthur's.

Oh, dear, I'll have to pay you all in
sixpences.

You can't do that.

Why?

Well, blimey, she's a clipper, you're
not a fruit machine.

No, save your float. Always save your
float. Look, I'm going to report you for

inefficiency if you don't hurry up. Oh,
no, don't stand for that from one of the

passengers. Order him off the bus.

What for?

For smoking on the lower deck.

It's a whistle. What a fantastic finish.

5 -1 to the South Americans and four
goals scored in the last five minutes. A

really wonderful game. I don't know when
I've enjoyed a game so much.

You've missed a football match now.

There's nothing on until the midnight
movie.

Oh, good.

Well, we've got three hours to teach
Ollie. Come and sit down.

Your sister's starting today, then,
Stan. Yeah, she's on a number nine. Oh,

yeah? Not for me, thank God.

Oh, she's all right, but you know what
it is, working with a family. Oh, but

I've switched your conductor.

You're on the 29 again.

Oh, no.

What for?

Yes, well, your mother had a word with
me.

She told me you'd like to have your
sister on the bus with you.

What?

Well, we like to keep everyone happy
here, you know.

Suit you?

Oh, yeah.

Stan, you was going to ask him, weren't
you?

Oh, yes, yes.

Yes, well, there's the bus. Number 11 to
the cemetery gates.

You're out in three minutes. All right.

Hop on, Olive.

Check your way, Bill.

Now, look, Olive, I'm going to... I'm
going to buy your first ticket.

I'll have a temporary one.

She just can't give you a ticket. Of
course she can. I'm going with you. I

wouldn't miss Olive's first trip.

Templar.

Look, Mum, I know it's Olive's first day
as a clipper, but you can't sit on the

bus all day with an older aunt in case
she cries.

Oh, well, I've only gone as far as the
shops.

Oh, Stan, I'll be Olive's first
passenger.

Do you think I ought to wish?

You know, Stan, it's a thing a mother
never forgets. Could be something the

company never forgets at all.

How do I look, Mum?

Oh, smashing love.

You know, you two ought to have your
photos took, brother and sister in

again. What do you mean, again? When did
we have it taken before?

When you was a wolf cub and you was a
brownie.

Oh, Mum, I'm not a brownie anymore. This
is quite different.

Oh, no, it's not, love. Here comes Brown
Owl.

Would you act directly, Butler?

Why do you leave on time?

Yes, sir.

Oh, sir.

You're giving him... the Boy Scouts
salute.

No, love, no, that's the busman salute.

It's the same, two fingers, you know,
but we don't bring it right up to the

forehead, we stop halfway in between,
like this.

But, no.

I said, two minutes due out.

Come on, love, we'd better go. Oh, we
can't, I've got to do my hair.

Oh, don't forget your curlers.

You haven't got time to put curlers in.
Oh, she's not putting them in, she's

taking them out.

She was very late this morning.

It was Arthur's fault. Yeah, he never
bought her early morning tea.

Well, looking like that, I'm not
surprised.

Only take a second. I'll go up to the
ladies and take them out. Oh, well, if

you're going there, dear, you might as
well... Yes, you're next, Mum.

Well, all right. I'm going to get in the
cab, Mum. Oh, Stan.

I'm so glad she's going to be with you.
You can keep an eye on her when you're

driving.

What was that you said?

I said you can keep an eye on her when
you're driving.

Mum, I drive that way.

And when I drive that way... The company
might be able to look that way.

It keeps down the insurance, you see.

So if you want me to keep an eye on all
of you, you want to get it to run in

front of the bus.

You know what I mean.

Wow. I was as quick as I could, Stan.

Have you got everything?

Yeah. Oh, no, me ticket machine.

Where'd you leave it?

Hanging on the door of the loo. Oh,
really?

I've got an idea. It's going to be a
nightmare journey.

Mum, get in the bus, will you? All
right, love. For God's sake, let's have

somebody in their position.

I've got it.

You all right now?

Yeah. Okay, get in then.

All right.

What's the matter?

You did that on purpose.

I didn't do it. Now, please get in, will
you? I've got to get going. Okay.

All right.

Okay, get in. Okay.

doors are shut.

Can't you do something about that
terrible smell?

This bus goes on diesel or not only
cologne.

You've got to get used to it.

Look, she's got a sensitive stomach.

You know what she's like when we have
sardines.

But if she's got her way up on the bus,
then she won't have put a filter on her

intake. Come on.

What's up now? Come on, what's up?

Olive's not feeling very well. She's got
travel sickness.

Oh, God, that's all I need. Car sick,
clip me.

God, she's handy for me. I'll get off
here.

Oh, dear.

Something wrong, miss?

Oh, she's a bit tired. She's got a bit
of a headache.

Not surprising.

These girls are expected to work.

Perhaps a glass of water would help, eh?
It would, but we haven't got one handy.

There's a cafe just down the road. I'm
sure they'd let me have one.

I'll go and see.

Look, Mum.

I thought you told me she got over being
car sick.

Well, she has almost.

It's only when she travels at the back.
She's quite all right when she's sitting

in the front.

Well, why don't you tell me she could
come and sit up on my knee?

Oh, no, no, no.

Now, do be sensible, Stan. You're right.
I could be sensible.

I could drive the bus in reverse.

Look, this is absolutely ridiculous,
Mum. She should never have started to be

clippy if she suffered from motion
sickness. Well, she can't help it. It's

common.

What about them there astronauts that
went to the moon?

They suffer from motion sickness?

Blimey, they went 250 ,000 miles to the
moon.

Nine times round it and 250 ,000 miles
back again.

Blimey, she's only come half a mile from
the depot.

I know, but she didn't have their
training.

Oi, what's the hold up?

Well, we're running a bit early, mate.
We're regulating the time a bit, you

know.

I'm surprised you ain't stopped for a
cup of tea.

Now, this is absolutely ridiculous.

I can't stop here, and yet I can't move
off without a conductor.

I'm not supposed to stop till I get to
the end of the route. And where's that?

We turn round at the symmetry gates.

Called for the look of her, I might just
as well drive straight in.

Sam, you didn't know what I was going to
say, though.

There you are, my dear.

Nice cup of tea.

That'll make you feel better, eh?

Oh, thank you.

Wonderful, you know. A small cup of tea
puts new life in you, doesn't it?

Pity you didn't bring a pot.

I'll be on my way. Yes, thank you. The
gulch, eh? When are we going to... Oh,

no, I've seen the lot now.

Five minutes from the depot and you stop
for a tea break.

No wonder the country's ruined.

It's not a proper tea break.

Oh, that comes later, I suppose, round
the next corner.

No wonder the fares are going up. It
cost me two bob from the garage to Apex

Corner. By the time you get there, I've
no doubt the fares will have gone up

again.

have a bit of trouble, and I'll tell you
what, mate. Here. Here's your two buck

back. Two buck. Get on the bus behind.
Go on. Hop in.

All right, I will.

That's it.

Got rid of him, the stupid nit.

He's not such a nit.

Why? He didn't buy a ticket.

Mum, it's absolutely impossible.

I can't stand here. They think I've
deserted them.

I mean, they're sending out a search
party.

Look, I'm going to start up the motor.
Go on. Party's up. Go on.

Don't talk to me. Come on. Come on,
love. You come up. I'll look after you.

till the end of the journey.

Oh, I feel awful. Come on, love.

What are you going to do if some more
passengers get on?

I'll manage, that's all right. Go on, go
on. All right, all right then, all

right. Careful.

Careful, there we are. Now, sit down
there, love. That's right, that's what

is. Put your head back and shut your
eyes.

Two one and twos and two halves, please.

Sorry about that.

I'll bring your change along.

Oh, all right.

Oh, don't worry, love. I'll do that for
you. Come along.

Now, it's, what do you say?

Two one and twos and two halves.

Oh, I've got a tapney. Oh.

Oh, I've got another tapney. Oh, dear.

That tap must be doing something wrong.
Show me what to do, will you, love? Oh.

No. Oh.

No, I know. All right, I'll do it, dear.
Don't worry.

Oh, they're all tapneys. Oh, well.

They'll have tapneys, that's all.

There we are.

Oh.

Well, I think I'd better have some
change now. I've got some money in the

satchel. And a good girl.

Vector sees it. Oh, well, all right,
whatever.

Give me a hand. I've just about had
enough of you, mate. Give me a hand.

Mrs. Butler, what's she doing here?

Now, look, Inspector, there's your
tickets and there's your money. You'll

it's all correct, but some of it's under
the seats.

Well, what's the meaning of this?

You know the regulations, Butler. Your
conductor is not allowed to get off the

bus without the tickets and the money.
Oh, she hasn't got off the bus,

Inspector. Well, where is she, then?

Lying on the floor.

Eh? Yeah, she travels better that way.

Now, this is all wrong, Mrs Butler. You
know, look at those tickets, Annie. All

those hundreds of class tickets.

Oh, I feel so sick.

Oh, dear.

Oh, my good God almighty.

What's wrong with her?

Don't worry, Inspector.

It's all right. She's never done this
before, has she? Well, no.

She'll be fine, all right. She'll be
fine when she's better, won't you, love?

It's just travelling, you know.

Butler, come over here a minute.

I want to have a word with you.

When you recommended your sister for
this job, you signed a form to say she

suitable. Suitable. Yeah, I know, I
know. Well, when she signed the form,

was. What do you mean? Well, can I have
a word with you a minute?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

See?

Why didn't you say that before? Well, I
didn't know.

I can't have a word with a general
manager.

What did he say? Has he given Olive the
sack?

She's too ill to work.

Will she have a sickness benefit?

You must be potty. Why not? It's their
bus what's made us sick. You can't claim

sickness benefit after 12 months.

She's only done one trip, 72 minutes.

She doesn't even qualify for an aspirin.

I've had a little word with the general
manager. And he's very, very kindly

offered to...

Give her a lift home in his own motor
car. Oh, that is nice. Did you hear

sir? I'll give you a hand at love. No,
no.

Don't you strain yourself, my dear.

Nurse.

I keep my fingers.

I keep this here in case any of the
passengers are ever taken here. Get in,

love. All right, there you go now.

If you want a lift as well, Mrs.
Buckner, I'm sure the general manager

be too happy. Come along, nurse. Very
nice of you. Very, very nice.

What did you say to him?

Well, you see, when I found myself in
all that trouble, I told him the first

thing that come to me mind.

And what was that?

Well, I told him Olive was in the family
way.

Oh, Stan.

Stan, does that mean she can't come back
to the job?

Well, not for another nine months.

Oh, really, Stan, you didn't ought to
have done that. You know I don't like

lies. Well, don't get on to me.

You want to speak to her husband,
Arthur.