Original subtitles

You're going to see it. Can't you see they're going the fastest?

I'm pushing eight miles an hour.

Well, thank you for picking me up from the airport.

You know, I just get so discombobulated trying to find my way around this big

old windy city.

Well, I can help, Merle. But why are the luggage?

I am staying for the entire weekend.

So what brings you to Shire County, sir?

I am hell -bent on claiming Edward Winslow as my own.

Oh, fucking my...

baby. How is the love of my life, huh?

Why are you so happy? Am I happy? I guess I am happy.

Happy, happy, happy, happy, happy.

Well, did you get raised?

No. I got rejuvenated.

I finally took your advice and got one of those therapeutic massages.

Ten minutes ago, I was sitting pretty in Shiatsu City.

Well, you're feeling good.

Oh, baby, I am a new man.

Ariana poked, prodded, and pounded all of my stress away. Oh, that's great,

honey.

Ariana?

Yeah, my masseuse.

Ah, is she attractive?

No. No.

Just the opposite.

Mm -hmm.

Big, beefy sister.

Swollen.

With a wanky eye.

Hey, family, what's up? Hey.

You miss me?

Miss you?

How can we miss you? Been over here every day since you moved out.

Don't you pay any attention to your father. I missed you, baby. Oh, that's

right. And you know the reason I'm always over here is because I miss my

Yeah.

And you want me to do your laundry.

Please?

All right, Eddie. But from now on, you're going to do your own laundry,

Nah, thanks, Mom.

Oh, Mom, don't forget the fabric softener. You know, it makes my shirt

sweet and springtime fresh.

We've been springtime fresh.

Y 'all must be talking about me.

Quick, somebody call the zoo. The water buffalo broke loose.

Oh, now, Eddie, be nice.

Mama, I am being nice. I was going to say, quick, somebody call the news. They

just had a Bigfoot sighting.

But I held back.

Well, I ain't holding back, you big old squeeze bottle of hum...

I can't sleep.

For some reason, Mr. Sandman has ignored me tonight.

Well, it's only 7 .30.

Oh, well, I'm depressed.

I'm a Mississippi queen sleeping all alone.

Oh, sure, I know what you were thinking.

I'm just another carefree and incredibly pretty rich girl.

to make a few incy wincy changes.

What do you suggest?

Head to toe makeover.

Oh, mercy.

Would you help me? Oh, I thought you'd never ask.

one who shops here is fly.

Why don't you look around and see what grabs you?

Okay.

girl names like that.

Myrtle? How about this one? It's half off.

No wonder.

It's only half a dress.

Besides,

no one would look good in that rag.

Unless you're a Gucci mama.

Myrtle, if you want to tell some cake...

Baby, you've got to put on some icing.

Oh, you're so naughty.

Now, the trick to looking good is to accentuate your best features.

Oh, yes.

And that would be... Actually, murder, you have nice legs.

Oh, a miniskirt would show them off.

Work it, girl.

He moved. Oh, actually, I'm looking for Captain Carl.

Captain Carl.

Oh, I'm sorry.

That's just my little nickname for him.

Actually, his name is Carl Winslow.

Are you the maid?

No, sweetie.

I'm the wife.

Admiral Harriet.

therapeutic reflexologist.

After all, I am a professional.

I bet you are.

Well, now, how can I help you, Ariana?

Oh, well, I just came by to return the captain's credit card.

I guess he was feeling so good when I finished with him, he just floated home

without it.

Thank you so much.

That's a little nickname due to the fact that I'm a, you know, I'm a... Captain.

And that my name is, you know, you know, my name is... Carl!

Well, the interesting thing is, Carl, when I ask you what she looked like, you

use the phrase, big, beefy sister.

Well, now, you see, you misunderstood.

Mm -hmm.

Yep, you did. See, because what I said was...

that she had a big, beefy sister.

That's what I said.

You said she was swollen and had a wanky eye.

Well, you see, no.

No, I didn't say that. You see, what I said was she went bowling and she had

some swanky potty served at her bowling house.

Okay,

Harry, I lied.

figured if i told you that you wouldn't let her rub on me anymore well carl

you're right but harriet you know she really is a good masseuse i mean

my back never felt better and our health insurance covers 10 of it and the fact

that she's attractive doesn't matter nah

you a terrific masseuse who really is swollen and has a wanky eye.

Steve,

come on. We're going to be late for the movies.

I'm ready.

What's in the basket?

Oh, just a few snacks.

Let's see what we got here.

Badger chips.

A fresh jar of squid jelly.

Ooh, and lastly, a weasel dog.

Woo, woo, woo, woo, baby, baby, baby.

Is the code clear?

If you're wondering where Myrtle is, she's upstairs, and she's got a big

surprise for you.

Uh -oh.

Not for me.

I'm sneaking into the laundry room, I'm getting my clothes, and I'm outtie.

Well, I hope you're not getting any cologne, because Myrtle has a nose like

boy would have.

Yeah, and a face to match.

Don't cry for me, Eddie Winslow.

My heart may be broken, but it will heal.

Because there is a whole world of men out there.

And I'm going to find me one that's going to love me the way I deserve to be

loved.

Myrtle? Myrtle?

So, this means that... You're not going to chase me anymore?

No. And you're not going to buy me expensive gifts or have me followed?

No.

Wait, wait, wait.

You mean that it's really truly over?

That's right.

Oh.

Well, Myrtle, what's my life going to be like without you in it?

Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.

Walking down the street, pretty woman, kind of like to me.