Original subtitles

Hello?

Moscow General Hospital?

Yeah, can I speak to Dr. Roberta Urkel, please?

Thank you.

Roberta!

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday dear mom. Happy birthday to... What?

It's me, Steve.

Hey, 3J.

How's it going?

Fine. Hey, man, what got your jockeys in a bunch?

Well, my mom's in Russia, and I miss her a lot.

Hmm. What's that?

One of my baby pictures.

Hey, V, you had a big old head.

My mother had just dropped me, and the swelling hadn't gone down yet.

That's my mama.

At

least

you know who your mom is.

3J, why are you home so early from hockey practice?

I don't feel like playing.

Something wrong?

Come on, you can talk to us, son.

But that's just it.

I'm not your son.

I'm nobody's son.

Well, what brought this on?

Well, I've been thinking about my mom.

I want to know where she is so I can have a real family.

3J, you do have a real family. Us.

And we love you very much.

I love you guys, too.

But we're not related.

I'm just your foster kid.

I want to know what happened to my mom.

I always feel like something's missing.

Oh, honey.

Will you guys help me look for my mom?

Well, uh, 3J... Mr. W, you're a police captain.

I'm sure you know lots of people. I bet you can find someone who knows where my

mom is.

Of course we'll help you, 3J.

I can't promise anything, 3J. You know, Chicago's a pretty big city.

But I'll see what I can do.

Thank you, Mr. W. You're the best.

Okay.

Harriet, I'm not so sure that this is a good idea.

Carl, 3J is just a little boy.

If he feels this abandoned now, how's he gonna feel when he grows up?

What if we find his mother?

What if she wants him back?

That's a possibility.

Yeah.

Scary one.

Yeah, but the bottom line is, we have to do what's best for 3J.

All

right.

Who's the king of Jordan?

I don't know, Michael.

No, who's Fane?

What team is he on?

What are you doing in town?

Girl, I'm here on a mission of mercy.

I am determined to save my beloved Edward from the clutches of that witch,

Goretta. It's time to drop that skeezer and experience the love of a real woman.

I'm sorry, lizard lips.

But you're out of luck.

See, Eddie only dates air -breathing mammals.

is you.

Does your mother know you're entertaining wildebeests in the living

Now, ladies, let's be civilized.

Come on, say something nice to each other.

Myrtle, that is a very pretty outfit.

Thank you.

That shade of yellow matches your teeth perfectly.

I see you've managed to lose some weight.

You're nothing but skin and cellulite.

Well, I'd rather look like this than a street -walking chicken.

This ridiculous fighting has been going on for far too long. Well, we wouldn't

have a problem if she would just stay in her cage.

Look who's talking. The creature from the ugly lagoon.

you two aren't guys.

Well, I do have my doubts about this one over here.

What are you getting at, Laura?

When two guys have a problem, they duke it out and it's over with.

Hmm.

You're right.

Right here.

I'd like nothing more than to go with Banda Holyfield on this heifer.

Well, you are on, Garusa.

Fine. And if I win, I get to go out on a date with Eddie, and you have to drive

the limo.

And I'll even leave the privacy screen down so you can see how a woman is

really... supposed to treat her memes.

All right.

And if I win, you have to haul your heinous hiney back to Biloxi. For good.

All right, then let's settle.

Saturday, you guys will duke it out.

And may the best girl win.

Don't.

Hi, sweetheart.

Mm -hmm.

Well, guess who I talked to during lunch today?

Who? 3J's mother.

You're kidding.

Well, it wasn't easy, but I finally managed to track her down, yeah.

Well, come on, tell me, what happened? What did she say?

What'd she like?

Well, we talked for over an hour.

She wanted to know all about 3J, of course. Why in the world did she give

up? Well, she said that she was 16 when she got pregnant.

So she had to drop out of school, no job, and even worse, she had a drug

problem. Oh, no.

What about the father?

Well, he bailed, so... So she gave 3J up for adoption.

Well, what's her situation now?

Well, she said it's still tough, but she's trying.

She's in a rehab program, so she's trying to get a life together.

She says it's a struggle, but she's still in no position to take care of 3J.

I hope 3J understands when she tells him.

Well, actually, Harriet, uh... 3J's mother feels it would be best that he

know who she is.

Oh, Carl, he's gonna be so disappointed.

How do we tell him that his own mother doesn't even want to meet him?

I don't know, Harriet.

I mean, I can't lie to him.

Even when the truth is this painful?

What are we gonna do?

I don't know, Harriet.

Just don't know.

You know, Greta,

you don't have to fight murder for me. Yes, I do. When I whoop her bony butt,

she'll be out of our lives.

five bucks says that greta beats that prissy

myrtle up in five rounds you're on because when it comes to fighting i put

money on ugly

In the yellow trunks, the goddess from Chicago, the windy city wonder, the

with a punch, Greta McQueen.

And in the pink trunks, the

Biloxi bomber.

fight break when i tell you no holding no biting no choking no kicking no

stopping no pair pulling in the event of a knockdown go to a neutral corner and

stay there till i tell you the question's no good fight

Get some combinations, baby. Take your time, all right?

Now, come across with the right hand and keep your guard up.

Don't sweat so much. It's making your mascara run.

And keep your guard up because every time she hits you, it smears your rouge.

Look, I'm not a magician. I can only do so much.

Gator, bitch.

Well, whenever you got bad news, you feed me real good.

Like that time you let me have three milkshakes, then told me my son forgot

come out.

Now today, you let me have pancake and chocolate cake.

Those are the awful news.

Well, 3J, uh...

I got some pretty good news, too.

There's a bad news about my mom?

Yeah.

You see, 3J, Harriet and I have given this situation a great deal of thought.

And we feel that it would be best to wait until you're older before we look

your mom.

Why? Well, 3J, this kind of thing, grown -ups have a hard time dealing with.

You're only nine years old.

But if you wait until you're a little older, I promise you that we will look

your mom together.

Okay?

Okay.

What's the good news?

Well, Ray J, you have been living with us for over a year

now.

And, well, we consider you family.

And if it's okay with you, I'd like to make it official.

Official? Mm -hmm.

Harriet and I would like to adopt you.

You want to adopt me?

Very much.

Aw, sure.

Okay.

If I tell you what, why don't you go score us a couple of gumballs while I

settle our bill, okay?

Okay. All right.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

No.

I mean, thank you for... for letting me see my son.

He's pretty special, isn't he? Yeah.

And he's lucky to have a family that loves him.

Ah.

We're lucky ones.

I got the gumballs, and I got you the red one.

Because I know it's your favorite color.

Dad.

Thank you, son.

Bye -bye.