Original subtitles

Hey, Steve.

What is this?

Does my schnozzola detect the heavenly scent of cluster buster candy bars?

Man, you actually like these things? Like these things? They are delish.

Plus, cluster busters contain twice the U .S. recommended daily allowance of

French.

You're just plain nasty, Steve.

Oh, if you don't like the taste of them, why did you buy so many?

Because they're sponsoring a half -court shot contest at a Clippers game.

Sink a basket, win a million bucks.

Wow, sir.

A million bucks?

But to take the shot, first you gotta find the golden wrapper inside of a

Cluster Buster bar.

Oh, neat -o.

Oh, boy.

With that kind of moolah, I could soup up my eyesetta.

sculpture of myself in cheese.

And then, I could donate the rest to buying bug feeders for all the national

parks.

Steve, people like you don't deserve to win money.

Man, nothing.

Well, I guess I have to go buy another case.

See you in a minute.

Here, hold tight.

You actually keep a candy bar in your wallet?

Don't you?

I could have the golden wrapper right here right now. Steve, give it up. Man,

I've opened up a couple of hundred of those things, and there's no way you're

just going to open them.

protein brick. Hey, when I make up my mind to start eating better, nothing can

stop me.

Oh, this needs something.

Hmm, what, what, what?

Oh, I know.

I've had new bosses before. Why would I be nervous?

Uh, well, Mom, if you're not nervous, then why are you pouring orange juice

my cereal?

Oh, because you need more vitamin C.

Harriet, you're gonna be just fine. Your boss is...

Why are you watering the plants with coffee?

Oh, because they hate tea.

All right, all right, all right. Then maybe I am just a little bit nervous.

the office grapevine has it that Mr. Benner is really tough.

Come here, sweetheart.

Come on now. Relax.

Mr. Benner is very lucky to have Harriet Winslow in his department.

Well,

I think so anyway.

It's happening at home, Justine.

Girl, you got it going on.

Good morning, everyone. Please take a seat.

I am Derek Benner, the new head buyer for Ferguson's. But don't think of me as

your boss.

We're a team.

So think of me as your coach. And this coach likes to win.

I believe that everyone has something important to contribute to the team, so

you've got any suggestions, don't be afraid to speak up.

Oh, I like his style. I've got lots of ideas.

Go ahead, Slugger.

Kevin Samuels, home furnishing.

I got a real one here, Coach. I think we should offer a line of orthopedic

furniture. Kevin, orthopedic chairs are used mostly by the elderly, and the

elderly generally live on a limited income. They don't spend money.

So, Kev, I would have to say your idea is pretty stupid.

I believe you had your hand raised. Did you have a suggestion?

Don't, don't. I was just stretching.

Grand Hill.

Six feet, eight inches of beautiful, delicious black man.

Why can't they all be like you?

What?

A kiss.

I hardly know you.

Well, okay.

But only because I hate to see you beg.

I should have known better.

No, Edda, really. You're being too hard on yourself. No, no, no, no, no, man. I

mean, we really should have picked a basketball court further away from the

javelin field, you know?

Now, look, take a load off.

I'm going to get a fresh basketball, and we'll be back on the court in less than

five minutes. Right. Take a load off. I'm taking a load off.

Do you understand that there's a million dollars riding on Steve making this

shot? Oh, but, Edda. Oh, ow.

Edda, I'm in so much pain.

My back aches. My arm burns.

My feet hurt. Oh, even my tushy's tender.

I got your back.

That's what brothers are for.

I'm here for you.

Aw. I don't think me and this chair are going to fit in your car.

Well, I'll just tie you on top.

Aw.

All right, team.

There are a few issues I would like to address today.

James. Oh, God.

Why is the shipment of children's clothing late?

Well, that was... What's the matter, Jimmy? Cat got your tongue? Or are your

dentures slipping again?

I'm sorry, sir. Our carrier was on strike. Then you should have found

carrier. Maybe it's time we retire your jersey, Gramps.

It'll never happen again.

It had better not. This is a department store, not Leisure World.

I just know that I am going to be next.

Harry...

Yes. Sorry.

Harriet, how long have you been our housewares buyer?

Five months, Mr. Benner. Well, you seem pretty sharp. I've heard some nice

things about you.

Well, thank you, sir.

But I have gone over your inventory, and I've noticed that a lot of what you've

bought isn't even on display.

Well, sir, we're remodeling to make room for more display space.

And just how long is this remodeling going to take?

Well, we should be finished by the end of the week.

We can't sell what the customer doesn't see. I want it finished by tomorrow.

Mr. Benner, I don't think that... Exactly. You don't think.

Well, excuse me, Mr. Benner. You know, I am not exactly a happy camper right

now, and a little downsizing might just make me feel better. So, tell me,

Harriet, is there anything more you'd like to say?

No. I guess not.

I didn't think so.

Hey, honey.

Hi, Carl.

My goodness.

You sure pulled a late one tonight.

Yeah, I know.

My staff and I did.

Three days' work and one night.

Wow. That Mr. Benner is tougher than you thought, huh?

He's a tyrant, Carl.

Well, how?

He's verbally abusive.

He attacks people personally, Carl.

Today he called me a loser.

A loser?

Well, I got a good mind to go down to Ferguson's and give Mr.

Benner a lesson in manners.

What are you going to do, Carl?

Arrest the man for being an idiot?

Well, I don't care. Nobody talks to my wife that way.

Oh, thank you, honey.

Well, I'm going to have to handle this one myself.

Your going down there is only going to make matters worse.

Well, what are you going to do, sweetheart?

I don't know, Carl.

I'm so tense I can't even think straight.

My stomach's always in knots, and the only good thing about all this stress is

that I've lost five pounds.

If it's going to make you come home every night with knots in your stomach,

it really worth it?

I appreciate you being on my side.

But we need both of our incomes.

We have children to feed, college tuitions, a mortgage, two car notes.

I guess I have no choice but to do things Benner's way.

Not if I find out that he has some outstanding parking tickets.

Thank you, honey.

They say, focus on that goal and put the ball in the hole.

Ladies and gentlemen,

we begin our halftime presentation with the Cluster Buster Million

Dollar Half Court Shot Contest.

Contestant going for the million -dollar payday is Stephen Q. Urkel!

Hey, look, there they are. I see them, I see them.

Steve, congratulations on finding the Cluster Buster Golden Wrapper.

It's a pleasure to be here in Los Angeles. The Clippers are one of my

teams.

Are you nervous?

Thank you, Fred.

It's a pleasure to be here in Los Angeles.

The Clippers are one of my favorite teams.

Just a little nervous.

Remember, Cluster Buster Bars are not only delicious, they also provide...

twice the U .S. recommended daily allowance of fat.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. What's happening? What's happening? My name is

Money Winslow, and as Steve's agent, I have something to say to all you oh -so

-fine gold -digging material shallow girls. Check this out. Y 'all can meet

around back in about, uh, 15, all right?

This is you, baby. You got it, baby. You got it, baby. You got it, baby.

You're the man.

You think he can make it?

Please. Your grandmother has a better chance of making his show.

Did I do that?

I'm going to wring your neck, man.

I'm going to bring it to you.

Bring it to me.

Steve, I'm going to bring it to you.

Okay,

team. I'd like to begin today's meeting by thanking Harriet for completing the

housewares renovation ahead of schedule.

Well, thank you, sir. My staff worked long and hard. I guess that explains all

this overtime they put in for.

Well, sir, we had to work quite late into the night in order to make your

deadline. Ferguson's will not pay for your mismanagement.

Mismanagement?

It's not a good day to ask for a raise.

Is there something you'd like to share with us, Susan?

No, sir.

Why don't you share with us why cosmetic sales are down 10 %?

Well, we always have a small slump before the holidays.

Oh, is that it?

Or is it that women take one look at you and swear off makeup?

All right, okay, that's it.

You've gone far enough.

Mr. Bennett, when you came here, you had a reputation for being tough.

And I can handle tough.

But you don't stop at tough. You go to cruel.

I will not tolerate this insubordination.

Apologize right now, Ms. Winslow, or you are out of here.

Apologize? You're the one that needs to apologize, Mr. Bennett.

To Susan, Kevin, James, me, and everyone else that you've insulted.

I am not here to win friends. Oh, that's obvious, sir.

Mr. Benner, when you came here, you told us that we were a team and that you

were our coach.

Well, sir, a good coach is supposed to encourage his team, not destroy their

confidence. A good coach gets the best from his players.

Oh, a coach who funnels the ball.

Mr. Benner, you seem to have forgotten that we're not just employees.

We're people.

And we have feelings.

The only person around here that's not doing their job, sir, is you.

You're fired.

Ooh, that felt good.

I quit.

That felt better.

Carl, I quit.

I can't believe it. I quit.

Oh, sweetheart, you had to. You had no other choice.

But, Carl, jeez, I don't have a job anymore.

Well, sweetheart, you got something much more important.

You got your self -respect.

Hello?

Oh, yes, yes, just a second.

Mr. Ferguson.

What do you think? What do you think?

Uh -huh.

I see.

What do you see? What do you see? Well, sir, if that's the way you feel.

How does he feel? How does he feel?

Well, he said he spoke with some of my co -workers and decided to fire Mr.

Benner. Then you got your old job back.

No.

I'm sorry, honey.

Got a brand new job.

Benner's.

Leave me, Burkle.

Boy, who would have thought one of those scoreboards would cost a million

dollars?

You know, you are the only person in the world that can win and lose a million

dollars in one minute.

Well, I didn't mean to hit the scoreboard. It was an accident.

Haven't you ever made a mistake?

Not a million -dollar one.

How long are you going to keep saying that? Don't you wish me... Till the day

you die, which might be sooner than you think.

God's going to punish you for that.

him right now.

She means a mistake.

Oh, Mr.

Denton. Mr.

Clusterbuster himself.

Hello, Stephen.

Oh, well, come on in. Come on in.

What brings you to our humble abode?

Well, young man, there's been a terrible accounting error.

It turns out it didn't cost a million dollars to replace the scoreboard.

because I've destroyed a lot of things.

I'm here because Cluster Buster wants to make things right. Well, let's make it

right! Woo -hoo! Bring on the pool! How much? How much? How much? What?

$200 ,000? Oh, no. $300 ,000?

Exactly.

$4 .38.