Original subtitles

College is so tough.

Hey, beauty school is no picnic.

Enough homework to last me till I'm 80.

Join the crowd.

Biology.

Bangs.

head of the table.

Hey, is this another new look you're trying out? Yes, indeedy, sweetie.

And I think this might be the one.

What do you think?

You know those super cool trendy hip guys?

Oh, yeah.

Well, if you hear a weird sound in five minutes, that's me trying to get out of

these pants.

You were looking at Steve.

No, I wasn't. Oh, yes, you were. You were checking him out.

It was an innocent glance.

Not a check.

Mitty, you have feelings for Steve Urkel.

Maybe just a little bit.

Oh, you are crazy.

You are dating Stefan Urkel. He is gorgeous and smooth, and Steve is not.

I know, but Steve has other qualities I find attractive.

He's kind, generous, he's smart.

Oh, Dad.

Hey, you got a minute?

Is dinner ready?

No. Then I got a minute.

What's up?

Well, I'm shooting a video for my photojournalism class, and I decided to

day in the life of a police officer.

I call it... Windy City Blue.

Ah.

So you want a behind -the -scenes look at one of Chicago's finest in

action.

Big... Exactly.

You know anyone?

What about me?

Oh, Dad, you're a captain.

Pushing papers behind a desk.

I need a running, jumping, shooting cop.

I'll have you know that 200 cops report to me every day.

Oh, that's great.

Then it shouldn't be hard to find me one, eh?

I'll see what I can do.

And now, sandwich time with the E -man.

Hey, son.

Hi, Dad.

Who's gonna start my video?

Sylvester Stallone.

As soon as you cough up $20 million.

Dad.

Sorry, son. I couldn't spare anybody.

Man.

Now I'm going to have to use Steve's idea.

How I made more room in my closet without throwing anything out.

Well, look. I'll tell you what.

How about I get a squad car and you go on patrol with me tonight?

You'd do that?

Sure. You're in a pinch. I don't want to leave you hanging.

Aw, thanks, Dad.

Anytime, son.

Hi, Steve.

Hi, Stephane, my man.

Is Ma there?

No. She and Max went down to the mall. They're having a two -for -one bikini

special. Can I get her a message?

I'll catch up with her later. Thanks.

Steve, you got a minute?

Oh, sure. Come on in. I was just about to wipe my bellows.

Oh, your accordion.

Don't you think Laura's been acting a little strange lately?

No, why?

Well, she seems a little distant, distracted.

In what way?

Well, for one thing, when we kiss, there's not as much passion as there

be. Really?

Really?

Yeah, do you have any idea what's wrong?

How would I know what's going on with Laura?

Come on, Steve, you've grown up with Laura.

You've known her so much longer than I have.

Oh, you're going to find out sooner or later, so I might as well tell you.

There's someone else in Laura's life.

Who?

Me.

That's a good one, Steve. That's a good one.

You.

I'm not joking. It's me.

And what brought you to this bizarre conclusion?

She kissed me.

Well, no doubt it was an innocent little peck on the cheek.

No, it was a big, sloppy wet one right here on the lip of her mouth.

No way.

Oh, yes way. I just wish there was some way I could prove it to you.

Yeah, well, maybe there is.

Tonight I'm going to pay Laura a visit, but I'm going to do it as Steve Urkel.

Oh, get out.

But what if you find out Laura prefers me to you?

Yeah, well, I'll jump off that bridge when I get to it.

Darn. I've got an important photo shoot tonight.

Hmm. Well, if you can be me, then I can be you.

Tonight, we trade places.

Hi, son.

Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut.

What's wrong?

Dad, this is a gritty slice -of -life video here.

Hi, son.

It's so, so Brady Bunch.

Roger that.

All right.

Now take it from the top.

You know, you don't look tough enough.

Well, I can hold a knife between my teeth.

No. Put these on.

Yes! But I can't see anything.

Oh, but Dad, you look so cool.

Well, not crashing. It's even cooler.

All right.

Let's try another take.

And this time, try looking more like one of the guys from NYPD Blue.

No way am I showing my butt.

If a medic'll see me now.

Oh, that was awful.

How ye be, Laura Lee?

Gouda is good, but cheddar is better.

Can I do that?

Got it.

All right, now for the glasses.

All right.

Now for the walk.

Hey, C.

Hi, Laura.

Tonight they're airing a panel discussion on PBS on liposuction. It's

Chewing the Fat.

Want to take a look -see with me?

Oh, I have a biology test to study for.

But I sure could use your help.

Oh.

Okay, everything's almost set. Sorry, sorry I'm late. My hair dryer broke.

Where's Stefan?

Was Stefan in an accident?

me some skin, my Italian bro.

Hey, Stefan.

What's wrong with your voice?

Uh, uh, I caught a chill. Yes, yes, I was in the South Pole doing an ad for

Speedos.

You look strangely too.

Uh, oh, I, I fell on a penguin.

All right, let's get started.

Guys?

Okay.

Yes, can I have some help?

My

fault.

I thought the horse was bigger.

Obviously, it's just a water hose.

Come on, Stephanie.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, sorry.

I didn't mean to touch you there.

You didn't hear me complain, did you?

Oh, no, I did not hear you. Come

on,

fellas. Time is money. Yes, yes, money is time. Yes, yes.

All right.

Finally, we can shoot.

All right, take your positions.

Hit the pads.

Oh, you're touching my thighs.

Edward. Edward.

Edward! What happened? Something happened?

No, nothing happened, but you should be alert in case anything does.

What do you mean, in case you give another old lady a jaywalking ticket?

Son, police work is not just about high -speed chases and shooting at bad guys.

A policeman's presence in the neighborhood helps to prevent crime.

Well, that may be, Dad, but it sure doesn't make a very exciting video.

Oh, cool.

Armed robbery. Let's roll.

10 -4. Unit 2152 responding.

Unit 2121. Back up. Out.

Out. Oh, cool.

Come on.

They're shooting at us. They're shooting.

They're shooting. They're shooting. Relax, son. Relax.

Relax. It's just a blowout.

Unit 2152.

I'm down. I got a flat.

Roger that.

OPG is on the way.

I'm sorry, son.

So long, video.

This is all Greek to me.

Hello there, sweet thing.

Wowzer. Going out?

Staying in.

You know, I just realized something.

That that dress is illegal in three states?

No.

We're all alone in the house, and we should make the most of it.

But what about Stefan?

Who?

Stefan, your beau, your boyfriend, the love of your life.

Forget Stefan.

It's you I want, Steve.

And it's you I'm going to get.

Hey, your butt's playing our song.

Wait, Laura.

Stefan's a great guy.

Aren't you sure you want to cheat on him?

Hmm.

You act like you're sure.

I love this.

What'd you do that for?

Cut the act, Stefan.

Stefan, no, I'm annoying, clumsy Steve, yes.

I'm busted.

What did you think you were doing?

I had to know if you had feelings for Steve.

Well, why didn't you ask me instead of being somebody that you're not? Because

I'm, I'm...

Stupid. All the underhanded, deceitful, sneaky things to do. I mean, what kind

of person would stoop so low?

Oh, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, yes.

Woman of my dreams, woman I love. Shut up, Steve.

I'm not Steve, I'm Stefan.

You know... Oh, I'll just be going now.

Hold it right there.

I cannot believe that the both of you tried to trick me.

Laura, I'm sorry, but I had to know if you had feelings for Steve.

Hey, I told him you were hot for me, but he didn't believe it.

Well, you know what? I'm not feeling very good about either one of you right

now.

Laura, come on.

It's true.

I do have feelings for both of you.

And I was trying to work them out.

But now, after this, I'm more confused than ever.

Nice going.

Well, sure, I see you. Yeah, well, you went along with it.

Yeah, but if you hadn't thought of it, I wouldn't have gone along with it.

You know, you're not too smooth yourself.

Probably got me fired from my job. You got me fired, didn't you? Yeah, you

have your job.

You're just not getting paid.

Right.

Dad!

Dad!

What's wrong?

Nothing. Everything's cool.

I got an A on my video.

Congratulations.

Hey,

how'd you pull that off? Well, you know, after our ride -along bombed, I thought

I'd have to scrap the whole project. But then I came up with a new idea.

Check it out.

And I decided to do my video assignment on my father, Captain Carl Winslow of

the Chicago Police Department.

Captain Winslow.

I've learned everything about being a cop from him.

He even saved my life once.

But you'd never know that because he'd never tell you.

That's the kind of guy he is.

Officer Winslow used to walk the beat where I had my flower shop.

Oh, he's one smart cop. Because of his quick thinking, he stopped my shop from

being robbed.

Well, and besides being a good police officer, he is a true gentleman.

This is Rex, a seven -year veteran of the force.

Rex, Carl was once your partner, right?

Was he a good cop?

Carl Winslow is a cop's cop.

The men love him. He's firm, but he's fair, and they respect that.

He's also one of the finest captains I have ever worked with, and an asset to

the community.

I've known Captain Winslow for 21 years now, and he's the best cop there is.

He's also an incredible father.

Whenever I'm in a jam, he's always been there for me.

In fact, when I was 12 years old, I had a paper route, and I got sick and caught

the mumps.

Dad letting me lose all my customers.

He got up every morning at 5 a .m. and delivered all my papers for me.

That's the type of dad he's always been and always will be.

Well,

son, this is very special, very touching.

Thanks,

Dad.

You know, uh...

My professor always says that a good documentary depicts the truth.

Well, your professor is right.

Because the truth is, I love you.

Oh, Dad.

I love you, too.

Girl,

you are so fine.

I got a shoot in Rio. Come with me and we'll party in the sun.

Look, Vincenzo.

How many times do I have to tell you I'm already seeing someone?

And, uh, no offense, but he's got it going on a lot more than you.

Who has more than me?

Hi, Peabody.

Ready to go?

All set, Chet.

Don't worry, Vincenzo. You'll find someone.

Try the Internet.