Original subtitles

Now, don't be surprised if tomorrow we have an unannounced pop quiz on lighter

-than -air gases.

Hey, everybody.

I just made the most remarkable chemistry discovery in the last 100

till I tell you what it is.

Steve, you all right?

Oh, am I all right? How would you feel if you just infused the free radical

neuron in the hypothalamus with an isotope from a sub -zero polymer

Well,

there's the hypothalamus.

Well, Steve, that's been tried for years, but no one could find a bonding

Ah, yogurt.

Of course.

Yogurt?

Yogurt.

Molecular brainwaves, when transmitted through yogurt to my brain, increase the

capacity of my memory.

And it makes a delicious little fat snack.

Amazing. That's Nobel Prize winning material.

Oh, even better. It might even give me an A.

You know, Steve, it's not fair. A gifted student like you should have his own

laboratory. Oh, yes, yes, yes. I'm going to talk to Dean Jones about it.

Me?

Yes, Steve.

Oh, Professor, I promise you, you won't be sorry.

We might want to leave before that explodes.

How about going

to see a movie tonight?

No, sweetheart, I'm not hungry.

And after that, a little mud wrestling.

Oh, that'll be just fine, sweetheart.

Carl, you're looking at those Wonder Bra ads again.

I just find the engineering so fascinating.

Yeah, sure.

Hey.

What's up, you two? What's with the long faces?

Yeah, fellas, what's wrong?

You know how we wanted to be junior woodsmen?

Sure. What happened?

We can't get in.

Troop 134 is completely full.

Well, can't you try to get in another troop?

Sure, if we move to Canada.

There aren't enough troop leaders in our area.

So now we're just too disenfranchised in the city youths.

Well, you know, it is a darn shame that more adults don't devote their time to

these kind of activities.

I can't believe more adults won't volunteer to be leaders.

So you'll do it, Uncle Carl? Do what?

Of course he will.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, what? What will I do? What, what, what? You'll make a great

troop leader. What?

And now we're going to be all the Girl Scouts we can handle. Uh -uh.

Hold up.

Steve, how are things going?

Oh, are you kidding? In my own lap, I'm happier than a chicken at Blood Bank.

Well, I'm glad because the Board of Regents has made quite an investment in

Right.

and rest assured their investment is going to pay off because the ErcoTotal

recall machine is ready for its maiden voyage.

Excellent, Steve. How's it work?

Well, it's really quite simple.

This machine stimulates the cerebral rancanum's ability to disseminate

informational waves to didactic parts of the cranial storage area.

Meaning?

Well, it helps you remember things.

Are you sure this machine's safe? Oh, absolutely, absolutely, 100 % safe.

You're not wearing metal underpants, are you?

No.

Steve, are you okay?

Couldn't be better, Professor.

Steve, what happened to your machine?

Oh, I think it worked just fine.

I just seem to be experiencing a few side effects.

Well, don't worry, Steve.

Science is a process of trial and error.

How am I going to explain this to the board?

Just tell them we have a few kinks to work out.

Tell who?

The board.

But how did you know I was thinking about the board? Well, I just heard she

clear of the bell.

But, Steve, I didn't say anything. I was only thinking about the board.

I don't believe this.

Okay, Professor, let's try something.

I want you to think about what you had for breakfast. Don't tell me.

Just think about it.

Okay, here goes.

I had skim milk and egg white almond and pork sausage.

You had skim milk, an egg white omelet, and pork sausage.

That's amazing. You read my mind.

No, wait!

This dwarfs anything I've ever invented before.

My Lord, you've done the unimaginable. Do you realize what this means? This

change the whole world.

It will revolutionize the police interrogation system.

Politicians will be forced to...

Laura better marry a rich man, because the poor baby sure can't cook.

This meatloaf reminds me, I... I got a repaved driveway.

So confused.

I love Stephon, but lately I'm attracted to Steve.

I knew it.

You are attracted to me.

Boy, you're so crazy.

Oh, no.

I distinctly heard you thinking...

Steve, what's going on?

An experiment of mine backfired earlier today, and now I can read minds.

Oh, that's ridiculous.

No, no, no, it's true.

Tell you what.

Somebody think something, and I'll tell you what it is.

Poor child has finally lost it.

No, I haven't, Harriet.

She was thinking...

The poor child has finally lost it.

That's right.

And, Laura, I read your mind when you thought that you were attracted to me.

I better get out of here before I think something I might regret.

Steve, I don't know what you're up to, but reading minds is like opening

else's mail.

No, I'm not.

You just don't do it.

This is creepy.

We're out of here.

Come on, stop.

Carl, I thought reading minds would be a good thing.

Well, Steve, you know, invading somebody's privacy is

never a good thing.

Okay, boys.

Circle up.

The first meeting of Troop 86 will now come to order.

Do we get food?

Later, Norman.

But first, let's start by reciting the Junior Woodsman sacred oath, huh?

A Junior Woodsman stands like a tree. The voice of truth in the land of the

free. He's loyal to his brothers across the planet, and his lifelong bond is

written in granite.

Junior Woodsman, give the salute.

Hey,

great Lulu -ing.

Okay, that's it.

Now, I think we should start the meeting by everyone taking a turn and telling

what you hope to get out of this experience.

Yo, 3J.

What's up?

There are no girls at this meeting.

Oh. So sit down.

But we are going to talk about camping.

When are we going to eat?

Later, Norman.

You see, the book tells us where to find all the good camping spots.

Well, what if you can't find a good spot?

Well, Richie, I'm sure the book will probably tell us what to do.

What if you get lost?

Well, Rich, I imagine it's probably somewhere in the book.

I want to know what happens if you lose the book.

Later, Troop 134 will know what to do. That guy is a forest ranger, a green

beret, and he shaves the broken piece of glass.

And he always has snacks.

Well, that's probably why his troop is now full.

Now, fellas, let's talk about first aid. First aid isn't cool.

Well, it's cool if it'll save your life.

And if you keep annoying me, it just might.

Fellas, you know, I think that's enough.

Uh -huh. Yep. Yep. You know, I've lost all the feeling in my legs.

Here you go. My bad.

Hi, Ra. This is a chemistry class, not a truck stop.

Get back in your seat. Oh, what's the big deal? We're practically engaged to

engaged to be engaged.

Don't open your test until I tell you. And remember, if I catch you cheating,

I'll bust you down to kindergarten.

Oh, God. I could sit next to Steve Urkel. He always smells like cheese.

Pencils ready.

Begin.

That Myra, the real bae.

What does she see in that dork Steve?

What's the corpuscular theory of sound?

I can't even understand the test instructions.

I could cheat off this guy, but he's a moron.

I wish I was sitting next to the nerd.

Oh, man.

What's the atomic weight of boron?

She's so fine, but she probably can't even remember the atomic weight of

Look at my hunky Steve.

I could sop him up with a bit.

I should have called Coastal Defense A because I did not know anything on this

tip. Do I spill cheese? You're not helping me at all.

I can't even read it. Okay.

D is the difference between A squared and B. It's over C and not C.

I have to get back to my total recall machine and do something.

Can I take that tomorrow?

No, I'm sorry, Steve. This is a midterm.

Well, I read your thoughts about the dean's weight problem.

Didn't you refer to him as wide alone?

You can take the test tomorrow.

Thank you.

for you to do.

We are going to actually build bird cages out of popsicle sticks.

Hey,

guys, great news. All the O'Malley brothers moved to Philadelphia.

Troop 134 has room for all of us. Come on!

Where are you going, 3J?

To Troop 134. They got it going on.

And you can't leave.

across the planet?

We can't desert Uncle Carl.

Ah, fellas, look, um, truth of the matter is, you know, now that I'm

tapping at the precinct, I'm really busier than ever, and I don't really

the kind of time to give to the troop that it deserves.

And, uh, I'm sure you two will admit that I'm not the greatest troop leader

the world.

There's gotta be somebody worse.

Thank you for those kind words, 3J.

And, uh, thanks for trying to spare my feelings.

But, you know, it'd be okay with me if you wanted to go join Troop 134.

Thanks. And if it helps, you look better in long pants anyway, man.

Thanks. Better get going. The other guys are waiting.

Carl, are you sure you're not disappointed?

Why should I be disappointed?

I mean, we had one really great meeting where you learned the true meaning of

the Junior Woodsman Oath.

Loyalty.

Thanks, Uncle Carl. Love you guys.

See you later.

Steve,

why'd you want to see me?

Oh. I just wanted to apologize for snooping through your thoughts the other

Hmm.

I wonder if he's doing it now.

Oh, yes, I am, but I can't help it.

But don't worry. I'm going to stop.

I'm going to run the machine in reverse.

And that'll stop you from reading people's minds? Well, either that or

up being a paperweight.

Steve, is this machine safe?

Absolutely, positively, 100%. You're not wearing a metal bra, are you?

Okay.

Let her rip.

You... You all right?

I'm fine.

I need you to think something. Anything.

What did you have for breakfast?

I had a cup of tea.

And some Captain Crunch.

Well, go ahead, think something.

Well, I did.

Yippee! I'm cured!

I didn't hear a word you were thinking.

Steve, you need to destroy this machine. It's dangerous.

Oh, no can do.

I'm going to climb back into that chair, throw it in reverse, and see if it'll

stop me from reading minds.

You just did that.

Did what?

You got in the chair, put it in reverse, and it stopped. you from reading

people's minds.

Hey, that's a good idea.

I'm going to get in that chair, join me first, and see if Steve... Hey, Laura,

where did you get here?

Uh, Steve, you may not be able to read people's minds anymore, but you seem to

have short -term memory loss.

Oh, fiddle -faddle. Now, I want you to think what you had for breakfast, and

we'll see if the machine worked.

Gracious, Laura, where did you get here?

I'm having some short -term memory loss.

And since my machine mishap, I've...