All language subtitles for family_matters_s09e06_a_mind_is_a_terrible_thing_to_read

Now, don't be surprised if tomorrow we
have an unannounced pop quiz on lighter

-than -air gases.

Hey, everybody!

I just made the most remarkable
chemistry discovery in the last 100

till I tell you what it is.

Steve, you all right?

Oh, am I all right? How would you feel
if you just infused a free radical

in the hypothalamus with an isotope from
a sub -zero polymer? Well,

there's the hypothalamus.

Well, Steve, that's been tried for
years, but no one could find a bonding

Ah, yogurt.

Of course.

Yogurt?

Yogurt.

molecular brainwaves, when transmitted
through yogurt to my brain, increase the

capacity of my memory.

And it makes a delicious little fat
snack.

Amazing. That's Nobel Prize -winning
material.

Oh, even better. It might even give me
an A.

You know, Steve, it's not fair. A gifted
student like you should have his own

laboratory. Oh, yes, yes, yes. I'm going
to talk to Dean Jones about it.

Me?

Yes, Steve.

Oh, oh, Professor, I promise you, you
won't be sorry.

We might want to leave before that
explodes.

How about going

to see a movie tonight?

No, sweetheart, I'm not hungry.

And after that, a little mud wrestling.

Oh, that'll be just fine, sweetheart.

Carl, you're looking at those Wonder Bra
ads again.

I just find the engineering so
fascinating.

What's up, you two? What's with the long
faces?

Yeah, fellas, what's wrong?

You know how we wanted to be junior
woodsmen?

Sure. What happened?

We can't get in.

Troop 134 is completely full.

Well, can't you try to get in another
troop?

Sure, if we move to Canada.

There aren't enough troop leaders in our
area.

So now we're just two disenfranchised
inner -city youths.

Well, you know, it is a darn shame that
more adults don't devote their time to

these kind of activities.

I can't believe more adults won't
volunteer to be leaders.

So you'll do it, Uncle Carl? Do what?

Of course he will.

Well, what will I do? What, what, what?
You'll make a great troop leader.

What?

How are things going?

Oh, are you kidding? In my own lab? Why,
I'm happier than a chicken at Blood

Bank. Well, I'm glad because the Board
of Regents has made quite an investment

in us.

Well, I appreciate it and rest assured
their investment is going to pay off

because the ErcoTotal recall machine is
ready for its maiden voyage.

Excellent, Steve. How's it work?

Well, it's really quite simple.

This machine stimulates the cerebral
rancanum's ability to disseminate

informational waves to didactic parts of
the cranial storage area.

Meaning?

Well, it helps you remember things.

Time to put the pedal to the metal and
pop out the jelly!

Steve, are you sure this machine's safe?

Oh, absolutely, positively, 100 % safe.
But you're not wearing metal underpants,

are you?

No.

Steve, are you okay?

Couldn't be better.

Steve, what happened to your machine?

Oh, I think it worked just fine.

I just seem to be experiencing a few
side effects.

Well, don't worry, Steve.

Science is a process of trial and error.

How am I going to explain that to the
board?

Just tell them we have a few kinks to
work out.

Tell who?

The board.

But how did you know I was thinking
about the board?

Well, I just heard. She was clear as a
bell.

But, Steve, I didn't say anything. I was
only thinking about the board.

I don't believe this.

Okay, Professor, let's try something.

I want you to think about what you had
for breakfast. Don't tell me.

Just think about it.

Okay, here goes.

I had skim milk and egg white almond and
pork sausage.

You had skim milk, an egg white omelet,
and pork sausage.

That's amazing. You read my mind.

No, wait!

This dwarfs anything I've ever invented
before.

My Lord, you've done the unimaginable.
Do you realize what this means? This

change the whole world.

It will revolutionize the police
interrogation system.

Politicians will be forced to...

Laura better marry a rich man, because
the poor baby sure can't cook.

This meatloaf reminds me, I've got a
repaved driveway.

I'm so confused.

I love Stephon, but lately I'm attracted
to Steve.

I knew it. You are attracted to me.

Boy, you're so crazy.

Oh, no.

I distinctly heard you thinking...

Steve, what's going on?

An experiment of mine backfired earlier
today, and now I can read minds.

Oh, that's ridiculous.

No, no, no, it's true.

Tell you what.

Somebody think something, and I'll tell
you what it is.

Poor child has finally lost it.

No, I haven't, Harriet.

She was thinking.

The poor child has finally lost it.

That's right.

And, Laura, I read your mind when you
thought that you were attracted to me.

I better get out of here before I think
something I might regret.

Steve, I don't know what you're up to,
but reading minds is like opening

else's mail.

No, I'm not.

You just don't do it.

This is creepy.

We're out of here.

Guys.

Carl, I thought reading minds would be a
good thing.

Well, Steve, you know, invading
somebody's privacy is

never a good thing.

Okay, boys.

Circle up.

The first meeting of Troop 86 will now
come to order.

Do we get food?

Later, Norman.

But first, let's start by reciting the
Junior Woodsman sacred oath, huh?

A Junior Woodsman stands like a tree,
devoted to truth and the land of the

He's loyal to his brothers across the
planet, and his lifelong bond is written

in granite.

Junior Woodman, give the salute.

Hey, great Lulu -ing.

Okay, let's sit.

Boy.

Now, I think we should start the meeting
by everyone taking a turn and telling

what you hope to get out of this
experience.

Some girls got...

Oh, 3J.

What's up?

There are no girls at this meeting.

Oh. So sit down.

But we are going to talk about camping.

When are we going to eat?

Later, Norman.

You see, the book tells us where to find
all the good camping spots.

Well, what if you can't find a good
spot?

Well, Richie, I'm sure the book will
probably tell us what to do.

What if you get lost?

Well, Rich, I imagine it's probably
somewhere in the book.

I want to know what happens if you lose
the book.

Later, Troop 134 will know what to do.
That guy is a forest ranger, a green

beret, and he shaves the broken piece of
glass.

And he always has snacks.

Well, that's probably why his troop is
now full.

Now, fellas, let's talk about first aid.
First aid isn't cool.

Well, it's cool if it'll save your life.

And if you keep annoying me, it just
might.

Fellas, you know, I think that's enough.

Uh -huh. Yep. Yeah. You know, I've lost
all the feeling in my legs.

Big deal. We're practically engaged to
be engaged to be engaged.

Don't open your test until I tell you.
And remember, if I catch you cheating,

I'll bust you down to kindergarten.

Oh, God. I could sit next to Steve
Urkel. He always smells like cheese.

Pencils ready?

Begin.

Myron. The real bae.

What does she see in that dork Steve?

What's the corpuscular theory of sound?

I can't even understand the test
instructions.

Hmm. I could cheat off this guy, but
he's a moron.

I wish I was sitting next to the nerd.

What's the atomic weight of boron?

She's so fine, she probably can't even
remember the atomic weight of boron.

Look at my hunky Steve.

I could sock him up with a biscuit.

Stop!

Stop! I can't take it anymore!

Would you all stop thinking so loud?

Steve, I'm right in the middle of a
test.

I'm cracking up here. I have to get back
to my total recall machine and do

something.

Can I take the test tomorrow?

No, I'm sorry, Steve. This is a midterm.

Well, I read your thoughts about the
dean's weight problem.

Didn't you refer to him as wide alone?

You can take the test tomorrow.

Thank you.

for you to do.

We are going to actually build bird
cages out of popsicle sticks. Uh -huh.

Hey, guys, great news. All the O'Malley
brothers moved to Philadelphia.

Troop 134 has room for all of us. Come
on!

Yes! Where are you going, 3J?

To Troop 134. They got it going on.

And you can't leave.

You can't desert Uncle Carl.

Ah, fellas, look, um, truth of the
matter is, you know, now that I'm

tapping at the precinct, I'm really
busier than ever, and I don't really

the kind of time to give to the troop
that it deserves.

And, uh, I'm sure you two would admit
that I'm not the greatest troop leader

the world.

There's got to be somebody worse.

Thank you for those kind words, 3J.

And, uh, thanks for trying to spare my
feelings.

But, you know, it'd be okay with me if
you wanted to go join Troop 134.

Thanks. And if it helps, you look better
in long pants anyway, man.

Thanks. Better get going. The other guys
are waiting.

Why should I be disappointed?

I mean, we had one really great meeting
where you learned the true meaning of

the Junior Woodsman Oath.

Loyalty.

Thanks, Uncle Carl. Love you guys.

See you later.

Why'd you

want

to see me?

Oh. I just wanted to apologize for
snooping through your thoughts the other

Hmm.

I wonder if he's doing it now.

Oh, yes, I am, but I can't help it.

But don't worry. I'm going to stop.

I'm going to run the machine in reverse.

And that'll stop you from reading
people's minds? Well, either that or

up being a paperweight.

Steve, is this machine safe?

Absolutely, positively, 100%. You're not
wearing a metal bra, are you?

Okay. Let her rip.

You... You all right?

I'm fine.

I need you to think something. Anything.

What did you have for breakfast?

I had a cup of tea.

And some Captain Crunch.

Well, go ahead. Think something.

Well, I did.

Yippee! I'm cured!

I didn't hear a word you were thinking.

Steve, you need to destroy this machine.
It's dangerous.

Oh, no can do.

I'm going to climb back into that chair,
throw it in reverse, and see if it'll

stop me from reading minds.

You just did that.

Did what?

You got in the chair, put it in reverse.

And it stopped you from reading people's
minds.

Hey, that's a good idea.

I'm going to get in that chair, join me
first, and see if you can find me first.

Hey, Laura, where did you get here?

Uh, Steve, you may not be able to read
people's minds anymore, but you seem to

have short -term memory loss.

Oh, fiddle paddle. Now.

and we'll see if the machine worked.

I already did that.

Good gracious, Laura, where did you get
here?

asking. Have we met?

Why, Stevie, it's me, your little minx,
Myra.

Oh, and I know you from... Steve, what's
going on? We've

been lip wrestling for four years.

Well, Martha, it's... It's Myra.

Since my machine mishap, I've been
having some short -term memory loss.

And since my machine mishap, I've...
Some short term.