Original subtitles

Steve.

Do you have to do that?

Yep. I'm getting for a new record.

3 ,020.

3 ,030. Oh, wait. No, no, no, no, no.

Now, no more paddle ball.

Huh.

No more paddle ball.

Thank you, because I have to study.

I'm trying to study.

Now get out of here before I bust you upside your head.

Well, sure.

As long as you ask so nicely.

You know, I was going to tell you something really neat, too, but not

My, you're getting stronger.

Evidently not strong enough.

Look, Myrtle, just because you're Steve's cousin does not mean that you

over here without calling.

Edward, I have come all the way from the great state of Mississippi to

personally invite you to the event of the year, the Biloxi debutante ball.

Gee, I'm so sorry I can't go.

But you don't know when it is.

Doesn't matter.

My introduction to Biloxi Society.

Biloxi Society?

What do they do, put your picture on the side of a bus?

Just all you want.

But if I don't show up with a good -looking man, that Sarah Sue Pettyjohn

make me the laughingstock of Biloxi.

Well, hasn't your shoe size already done that?

That Sarah Sue is a snooty... little trollop who's always been jealous of my

beauty.

Now, I will fly you in, buy you a tux, and give you a lot of spending money.

Nope.

If you say yes, maybe I'll say Ferrari.

You can say legit Ferrari like here. Ain't no way I'm taking you anywhere.

He doesn't thank you culturally enough for money.

Say what?

Yes.

Big Daddy's trying to pair me up with some spinely, smooth -talking pretty

But I like my man's rough and bumpy.

Hey, Max.

Oh, hi, Max. Well, you're all gussied up.

What are you more off to tonight?

The sizzle club. Word is Tony Braxton's in town and might drop by tonight.

Hey, girl.

Whoa, mama!

Ring -a -ling -a -ding -dong.

Girl, you are looking hot.

Hot? Why, she could break up Siegfried and Roy.

That dress is kicking.

That dress is history.

What? Laura, sweetheart, I can't allow you to go out in public dressed like

that. Do you really think that's fair? Laura, if you want to go to the fizzle

club, you're going to have to go upstairs and change right now.

All right.

Oh, yeah.

Much better. Dee, shut him up.

Is this better, Daddy?

Yes, sweetheart, you look beautiful.

Yeah, I'll be a big hit if it's nun night at the sizzle club.

That's cute.

Well, have fun.

Yeah, gobs of fun.

Well, look at it this way, Laura.

At least know the girl will be wearing that dress.

Yeah, I won't either.

I thought you gave in too easy.

Check you tomorrow, man. Be cool, man. All right. Peace.

Peace. Peace. Peace. Peace. Peace.

Peace.

Peace.

to ask you one more time to escort me to the Biloxi debutante ball.

Now, this is your last chance, for I absolutely refuse the bag.

No.

Oh, please. I have to go with that pretty boy Big Daddy picked out for me.

Oh, my God, what is that?

How's she doing?

She's still unconscious.

Oh, I'm really sorry. I tried to stop the car, but... No, man, it wasn't your

fault. Really.

Thanks.

Oh, my God!

Look what I did to her face!

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

No, it was already like that.

If I can do anything, please give me a call.

Yeah, thank you.

Hello. I'm Dr. Rubin.

Eddie Winslow.

Listen, Doc, is she going to be all right?

Well, next 24 hours are going to be very critical for your girlfriend. Oh, hold

up now.

She ain't my girlfriend.

Well,

I'm going to

send a plastic surgeon up to look at her face.

Well, she didn't get hit in the face.

I know.

I'm very concerned, Eddie.

If Myrtle doesn't regain consciousness soon, there's a strong possibility that

she never will.

This is terrible.

Myrtle, this is all my fault.

Lord, this girl risked her life to save mine.

And all I've done is treat her badly.

Please let her wake up.

If you do, I promise I'll never say mean things to her again or try to push her

out of my life.

I'll even... I'll even... I'll even escort her to the debutante ball.

Hallelujah, I'm healed!

is taking you to the windy city oh good we're taking our cameras to chicago's

hottest nightclub the sizzle club where we caught up with the hot tony braxton

oh no this is a

rerun no no no no it isn't you and max just went to see tony braxton last night

yes the sizzle club's definitely the hot spot in chicago

You on TV.

No, it's not.

You know how they say that everybody has a person that looks just like them?

That's my double.

Then your double is wearing that tiger print dress that I told you not to wear.

It's me.

I changed records after I left the house.

I just cannot believe that you did that.

You're not going to yell at me?

No, Laura, I'm not going to yell at you.

I'm too disappointed to yell at you.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr.

and Mrs. Charles T. Wentworth of Wentworth Stables.

That's so magical. How can I ever thank you for escorting me?

Don't mention it.

I mean, don't mention it to anyone.

Ladies and gentlemen, Big Daddy Urkel of Urkel Peanuts.

That's a Mr.

Big Daddy to you, sonny boy.

Edward.

Can you just stand there with that music surging through your bones?

Hey, look.

There's Big Daddy.

Myrtle, my child.

Don't you Myrtle, my child, me.

I know what you're thinking, and I will have nothing to do with that Marshall

character.

You know I love Eddie Winslow.

I think I'm going to have to have a little talk with him.

Now, baby girl, why don't you go and fix your face?

Why does everybody keep telling me to do this?

Excuse me, Edward.

Take your time.

Son, I'm gonna give you $10 ,000 right now to get your

yankhead butt up on a plane.

Ooh, sir, I really wish I could.

But, uh, you see, I made a promise to God that I would escort Myrtle to this

ball tonight.

We just gonna have to see about that, won't we?

Step out my way, boy.

There goes that uppity Sarah Sue.

We hate each other's guts.

I was hit by a sport utility vehicle.

What's your excuse?

You have absolutely no breeding whatsoever.

You see, that's the difference between old money and new money.

Oh, how true, how true.

Old money has more wrinkles.

No, no thanks.

But it's double fun.

Laura, I'm not hungry.

Dad, can I talk to you about something?

Mm -hmm. Sure. Have a seat.

Look, I can take it when you're angry with me, or when you're grouchy with me,

or even when you yell at me, but I just cannot take it when you're disappointed

in me.

Daddy? I'm sorry I wore that dress to the Sizzle Club.

But I'm 20 and I feel like I should be able to wear any dress I want to.

But sweetheart, you intentionally lied to me.

And then you went behind my back.

But I really wanted to wear that dress.

You're a beautiful young lady.

And if you wear that dress, you might not get the respect that you deserve.

I never thought of it that way.

Sweetheart, you're a young adult now.

But if you want to be treated like a young adult, you're going to have to

acting like one.

You're actually beginning to think of me as an adult?

I'm trying.

But an adult would have stayed to talk out our problem.

You're right.

So you're saying if I wear something you don't approve of...

We could talk about it, and you might be willing to bend a little?

Yeah, I'll bend a little.

But I'm not willing to break.

Thanks, Ben.

I'll do a little bending myself.

Our next beloved guest...

is Miss Sarah Sue Pettyjohn.

Hello, gentle people.

I'm just so tickled to be here.

I am presently attending LSU, majoring in both pre -med and pre -law, and my

goal is to be an extra on Baywatch.

to be escorted by my Prince Charming.

Edward Winslow is just gravy on my biscuits.

I am somewhat incapacitated.

And I may be a lot of things, but I certainly am not icky.

Does anybody else here think I'm icky?

Yes!

Well, I can take a hint.

Come on, baby girl. Myrtle, wait.

Wait.

Now, listen, everybody.

Myrtle has waited her whole life for this evening.

And nothing, nothing would stop her from being here. Not even getting hit by a

car. An Explorer.

A big sucker, too.

Now, she pushed me out of the way of that car and saved my life.

How many of you would have done the same for a friend, huh?

It shows courage, class, and sacrifice.

Myrtle deserves to be here.

And there's absolutely no way that we're leaving.

In fact, Miss Myrtle May Urkel,

I can't believe I'm saying this.

Would you honor me with a dance?

Oh, take me, Edward.

I got the peanut butter, but you ain't got no bread.

I wish you hadn't told me that. I'm going to knock you upside your head.

I got that feeling funky, getting down and spunky.

Creamy, smooth and chunky peanut butter. One more time, boy. Come on. I got that

feeling funky, getting down and spunky.