Original subtitles

Just the guy I wanted to see.

Forget it, Laura. I'm not going out with any of your skanky friends.

What's that I hear?

Ah, yes, a sigh of relief from all of my friends.

What do you want, Laura?

Well, look, my sorority's having a charity fundraiser, and we're getting

guys to auction off kisses to the highest female bidder.

Stefan's gonna do it. What about you? Ooh!

here i recognize my voice that there are certain girls yes of low

intelligence and impaired eyes i don't have enough money to bid on anything you

know i'm hiding on them and these lips are gonna raise big money for your

sorority i'm here if you need me that is if you need any more hot guys

i have lips my lips are sexy

It's sexier than I thought.

Hey, sweetheart.

Guess what? I have such wonderful news.

tell me what it is and we'll both dance.

Oh, I got a promotion.

No, no, no.

No, no. Congratulations.

I need a shower.

Whee!

Mara, earlier today... When you invited Ed O to participate in your sorority

auction? Well, I couldn't help but notice that you didn't ask me.

Oh, uh, well, Steve... Wait a minute. Let me finish.

Okay.

Now, truth be told, I was devastated.

I couldn't figure out why you would try to hurt my feelings.

Well, Steve, I wasn't... Why not then?

Get ahead of me.

You weren't trying to hurt my feelings.

You were trying to spare my feelings, right?

Well, I was just afraid that if you were in the auction and no one bid on you,

you might be humiliated.

And you were right.

I would have been.

But I want you to invite me anyway.

Why?

Well, I've always been comfortable with myself.

I have been suggesting that for years.

Often quite loudly.

I know.

And finally, I'm gonna listen.

Yep.

No longer is it I gotta be me.

From now on, it's I gotta be Beth.

That's good for you, Steve.

Mm -hmm.

I could be better.

Hi, honey.

Hi. Want to celebrate my promotion?

Here,

you do the honors.

Looks expensive.

It is, a little.

But I suppose we can afford it now with your new promotion.

Honey, I thought we could snuggle up here on the couch, sip a little bubbly,

then retire early.

Sweetheart, I can't open a champagne if you're crawling all over me.

Sorry. It's okay.

Carl, what's the matter?

Harriet, you want to know what's the matter?

Well, I'm going to tell you what's the matter.

You're emasculating me, Harriet.

Emasculating?

What? Just because I'm making more money than you, Carl?

That's right.

Harriet, the person who makes the most money wears the pants in the family.

Well, you're making more money than me now.

So, you're going to start wearing the pants.

is absolutely ridiculous. Harry, we're a team.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, sir.

Uh -uh.

Not team, Harriet.

Crew.

Crew, Harriet.

And I was the captain of the crew.

Precious swabbing.

But now, you're the captain, Harriet.

New captain's going up to her quarters.

But until a new swabbing learns the true meaning of teamwork, he's going to be

bucking his butt down here in the brig.

Good evening, everyone.

Tonight's speech therapy class will concentrate on the... Stop it!

At a moment, old doc. I just need a moment to get situated.

I am living proof that the techniques you're about to learn really work. I

to have a terrible stutter.

That's downright inspirational.

Why don't we start by introducing ourselves and describing our problem?

Yeah. Who'd like to go first?

Roy Simpson?

I have a list.

And our second thought, that cheese...

I'm Pepe Perez.

And I spit when I speak.

Well, I'm Sheila Rockport.

And my voice is too deep.

bachelor is in this girl's humble opinion the coolest guy in all of

please give it up for the one the only step on her tail

ladies

ladies ladies now This event is for such a good cause that I wanted to make sure

I was ready.

So Laura and I have spent the last three days warming up these lips.

Since Stephon is my guy, I want to open and close the bidding at $50.

$60!

She know me think you didn't understand.

Stephon is my man.

So we'll just close the bidding at $65.

bachelor has been called the prince of love.

Yeah, well, he's the only one who calls himself that.

Please give it up for my brother, Eddie Winslow.

My name is Eddie Winslow, better known as the Prince of Love.

That's right.

And if you buy my kisses, you'll feel like royalty.

So, dig deep, ladies, if you want to swing from these lifts.

I think out of courtesy, we should let Eddie's girlfriend, Greta, make the

bid.

I'll give any girl... $25 to take him off my hands.

$25?

I'll start the bidding at 30.

Nice dress.

Somewhere there's a butt naked clown.

I can't help it, Hamlet.

No, get some clothes.

Harriet!

Harriet! Shh.

You'll wake the whole house, Carl. Hey, sweetheart, could you come down for a

sec? I'd like to talk to you.

Come on.

Come on. To the left. Straight ahead. Come on.

Come on, there you go.

Concert parking?

Well, yep, this is my new extra job. I'm moonlighting.

Oh, really?

Yes, really.

I am one of 25 folks who gets to show you your parking spot when you come to

Tom Jones.

It's not unusual to be loved by anyone.

It's not unusual to have fun with anyone.

There's a reason why Tom sings and you park cars.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. See, you don't understand.

With my regular police salary and the money I make from this cool new job, I

make $23 .48 more a year than you.

Captain Winslow is at the helm again.

I see.

Well, I guess in that case...

I should think about whether or not I want to get off the ship.

Maybe you can just drop me off at the next port.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. What are you talking about?

Carl, our salaries should not be a source of competition.

We're supposed to be a team.

Nobody's captain, nobody's swabbing.

Carl, we're supposed to be first mates.

Teammates.

Well, you're right, sweetheart.

We are, Artie.

You for me and me for you.

You're a pain in the butt.

But I'm your pain in the butt.

All right.

Our next bachelor is... Well, he's definitely one of a kind.

And he just recently gave himself a makeover.

Please give it up for Mr. Stephen Q. Urkel.

build our way back up.

Hold my kiss now.

You do?