Original subtitles

Good evening.

I'm Stephen Quincy Urkel. And I will be your host tonight for a very special...

For

a

very special Valentine's Day episode of Family Matters.

Ah, yes.

February 14th. St.

Valentine's Day.

Le jour d 'amour.

The day of love.

All through the cold winter months, the embers of romance lie smoldering in the

human heart.

Valentine's Day fans, those flames that... Now

that's what you call a smoking

jacket.

Luckily, I'm wearing my asbestos boxers.

Anywho, tonight we're going... to present three phases of love first love

love and lasting love there's another phase begging for love but the less said

about that the better

Celebrate the emotional peaks and valleys of love.

Sit back and snuggle up with your sweetie.

And enjoy first love.

Laura, when Stefan sees that new outfit, girl, you are going to have to roll up

his tongue.

I'm going to try it on again and make sure it's still fixed. You tried it on

the store.

Yeah, but I had a corndog since then.

Kelsey, you coming?

No, I just had it.

There's some sodas in the fridge. Help yourself, okay?

Thanks.

Hi, who are you?

I'm... I'm... It starts with an R.

Richie, that's it.

I'm Kelsey Webster, Max's niece.

Hi.

I'm Richie.

Yeah, I know. It starts with an R, right?

Right.

Well, hello there, my newbie princess.

Who's this?

I have never seen that kid before in my life.

Baby, I'm 3J.

You gotta tell me who you are before I bust.

I'm Kelsey Webster.

Kelsey, why are we engaged?

Probably because we're nine.

Uh, PJ, I need to talk to you.

Later. I just met the girl of my dreams.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

She's my girl.

Excuse me, I'm nobody's girl.

Yet.

Kelsey? Yes?

valentine's day and uh you know will you uh be like my valentine and stuff

oh that's so sweet man your rap is weak

Sugar. Oh, honey, honey.

You are my candy girl.

And you got me wanting you.

Honey.

Oh, sugar, sugar.

You are my candy girl.

And you got me.

Why don't you just sing the Barney song?

That was mean, 3J.

You okay?

Yeah. I guess I picked a dumb song.

Although, in my defense, there was a very limited tape selection.

3J's a good dancer, huh?

Yeah. Unlike me, he's got some smooth moves.

Yeah, maybe a little too smooth.

What do you mean?

I like boys who mean what they say.

Not boys who say mean things.

You know, if you were to ask me to be in a Valentine again, I bet I'd say yes.

Wow. Hey, you would?

Sure.

But you do have to ask.

Oh, yeah.

Kelsey, will you be my Valentine?

I'd love to.

Wasn't that sweet?

It's like that age -old saying, words from the heart speak louder. than flashy

jive talk while doing the Tootsie Roll.

Now, on to our second vignette.

Is Eddie and Greta's relationship strong enough to survive a visit from an old

flame? If it is, then they have true love.

Greta, you've done it again. Done what?

You are the most beautiful girl in the whole world.

You should have seen how I looked this morning when I first woke up.

My cereal snapped, crackled, and screamed.

I'm Greta, and I'm Eddie's real good, new, and still current

girlfriend.

Well, Onesha, you remember my sister, Laura.

Hey, Laura.

And that's my homeboy. Oh, that's Stefan.

Everybody knows Stefan.

You kidding. It was a hot and heavy thing.

Oh, really?

Tell me everything.

It might have been a thing, but it wasn't a thing.

I should have never broken up with you. I must have been crazy.

No, you did the right thing.

Can we just order now, please?

Four cappuccinos. That'll be all. Thank you.

Okay.

You never told me about her.

Well, baby, there's nothing to tell. It's ancient history. Look, I don't

about her anymore, and I'm sure that she does not think about me.

Eddie, I've been thinking about you.

And now here you are in my first night on the job and on Valentine's Day.

Fate, destiny, a sign maybe we should get back together. Oh, no, no, no, no,

You see, this is fate.

And this is destiny.

And there is a sign that you should get your hoochie butt out of here.

Here's

my

number, Eddie.

Call me when you ditch Cruella de Vil.

Well,

you don't want to do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, look, look, look. Let's just

everybody relax, calm down, and enjoy the rest of the evening.

No, no, see, that's a good idea.

I'm with that. All right, all right.

What did you just do?

Nothing.

put her number in your pocket.

Oh, how about that?

Oh, I don't want this.

Why do I want this?

Stefan, you want this? No, man, I don't want that.

You know, Eddie, if you really cared about me, you would have done this.

Okay, it's ripped up now. It's over.

feelings for this girl, don't you? No, it's not over.

Oh, Laura, that might be a good time to, uh... Check out the cappuccino bar?

Well, actually, I was gonna suggest we go to the car and make out, but

cappuccino's cool.

Look, baby, look. This is nuts.

Onesha's the one who gave me her number and kissed me.

You should've told her to get lost, Eddie.

And the fact that you didn't show disrespect to me. Oh, but Greta. Just

talk to me.

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone.

I'm with an incredibly special young lady this evening, and I wanted to take

this opportunity to say to her and everyone else in this room that, well,

maybe you're the only girl for me. Check this out. Tell me, do you remember

this? It was the month of August on a sunny summer day.

I wanted to know you a little bit more because you know you are heavenly, just

like a star. I want to be anywhere you are.

Did you happen to notice that my boyfriend is up on stage singing a love

especially wrote for me?

Yeah,

I noticed.

First heard you talk to me, baby.

When I first heard you talk to me.

relationship lasts that long, sometimes a man can take his wife for granted.

Oh, happy Valentine's Day to you, too.

Did you see the gift I left for you? Right next to all the stuff I got for

Oh,

right.

Let's see.

Candy burger.

Candy missy.

There was an E. coli scale into chocolate, and I tasted a few to make

box was safe.

You're a brave man, Carl.

Hey, I am here for you, baby.

These flowers are not fresh.

Well, yeah, you see, I probably had the heat up on high in the car and they

wilted, but read the card, read the card.

For my wife on Valentine's Day.

My love is forever, time without end. For you are my wife, my lover, my very

best friend.

Oh, Carl, this is beautiful.

Hey, and I mean every word, sweetheart.

And you meant every word eight years ago.

Huh? Carl, I saved every card you give me. Well, I know that. And I

always mark down the year that you gave it to me.

didn't know that.

Carl, you snuck into my card box and gave me an old card I already had,

you?

Might have.

But, honey, let's put a positive spin on this.

Let's call it recycling.

No, Carl.

Let's call it what it really is, cheap and lazy.

Oh, well, now, Harriet, that's a bit harsh.

Harsh?

Carl, you give me a half -eaten box of candy, some sorry -looking roses that

three hours away from potpourri, and to top it all off, you give me an old card

I already had.

Can I open my present now?

Thanks.

Nice wrapping.

Oh, honey, this is beautiful.

Those are Eddie and Laura's baby bracelets.

I had them gold -plated and made into a keychain.

You put a lot of thought and effort into this.

Yes, I did.

Because you're worth it, Carl.

Harriet?

What's going on?

Well, sweetheart, I would like to apologize for my thoughtlessness.

My taking you for granted was inexcusable.

Would you forgive me?

I don't know, Carl.

It really hurt me.

Well, I realized that, sweetheart, and I'd like to make it up to you.

So... Well, I wanted to buy you another box of candy, but all the stores were

closed.

So I baked you these instead.

I'm sure they're delicious.

And the only flower store that was open was in Rockford.

So I drove all the way to get you these.

And these.

And these.

You drove all the way to Rockford?

Mm -hmm. Had to pay a toll both ways.

Oh, sweetheart, and, uh, I made you this card here.

Ritchie and 3J loaned me the construction paper, and I cut out the

of myself and drew the little cupid.

Oh, I also went ahead and put the date on the back.

I love it, Carl.

And I love you, Mrs. Kinsley.

And I forgive you.