Original subtitles

What are you talking about?

Steve,

why do you keep popping in and out? the room like Mr. Spock.

Wait a minute.

Are you saying you saw me before?

Well, yeah.

You appeared out of thin air and said, oh, it works, it really works.

Then you pressed a button on that gizmo there and you disappeared.

Holy jumping jack, who's the fact?

Do you know what this device is, Carl?

A swatch watch for a nerd?

Now, it's my latest invention.

You're looking at the world's first time machine.

So?

So?

Well, aren't you impressed?

Steve, you have invented a transformation chamber, a cloning

teleportation pad that took us all the way to Paris. Frankly, a measly time

machine is no big deal.

Well, I can't wait to use it.

I'm going to go two minutes into the past and then come right back.

of the monthly bill.

Uh -oh.

Freeze!

I just finished paying the family bills.

And this family is paid straight from the warehouse.

Oh, Carl, come on, sit down here.

Harriet, we can't afford to eat. And people, do we have to have the lights on

full? We have a dimmer switch, people.

Where's Richie and 3J?

They're spending the night at your mother's. Oh, good.

Two less mouths to feed.

Edward, split that meat with Steve.

Hey, Harriet, freeze this. We can have it for dinner next week.

Oh, Paul, stop it.

Every month we go through this, and I'm sick of it. For goodness sakes, it's

only money.

Only money?

What do you think it takes to put food in our bellies?

What do you think it takes to put clothes on our backs?

What do you think we need to put a roof over our heads?

Money?

I'm busy, Steve.

But I just perfected my time machine.

The reason I could only go two minutes into the path was because I didn't have

enough time.

I invented nuclear batteries.

Where did you get the plutonium?

Radio Shack.

Now we can go as far back in the past as we want.

We?

That's right.

I want you to test it with me.

Together, we can go on the journey of...

We can observe the Vikings, or witness the Crusades, or go back to the days

dinosaurs roamed the Earth.

Why don't you go by yourself?

I'm scared.

Now, you know, actually, there are a few things in history that I've always

wanted to experience in person.

Oh, go with that. Go with that.

Well, I kind of wanted to hook up with Elliot Ness and bust Al Capone.

No, no, no. You couldn't do that.

Why not?

Time travelers have to be very careful not to change history. The slightest

disruption in the past could completely change the present.

Are you saying that if we go back in time, we could actually do something

would change the way things are now?

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Hmm.

Interesting.

So, what do you say, big guy?

Want to embark on a voyage to yesteryear?

Sure. Why not? Oh, oh, oh. I'll go get ready while you decide when we want to

to...

You're gonna embarrass me in the past, too, huh?

Oh, you big killer.

Now, what fascinating moment in time have you chosen?

Custer's last stain?

Paul Revere's ride?

The pine of the Red Sea?

The day before we moved into this house.

Hello, Mr. Adrenaline Junkie.

Well, Steve, I figure...

I'm already trying one of your crazy contraptions.

Why make it more dangerous for myself by going to a place where a T -Rex might

bite off my head?

It's just a test anyway, right?

Right. Okie dokie. Give me the year and the date.

March 8th, 1976.

Okay. Let's see.

January, February, March. See, March. That's it right there. Yeah, I see it.

Okay.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

Seymour Chase has it right there. I see it. That's right. Yeah, right there. I

like that. Okay, here we go.

Year 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11,

12, 13, 19, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 72, 73, 74,

75, 76, 77.

Uh -oh.

I went past it.

What do we do now?

Clear.

Year one, two, three, four, 1973,

1974, 1975, 1976.

Come on.

Come on. Come on. Come on. Get up. Wake up. Wake up.

We're ready to go. Let's go. Let's go. All right.

Hey,

wait a minute. Steve, is this going to hurt?

Not really.

You're stupid. peels off for a few seconds.

But you'll forget all about that when you turn inside out.

You

okay,

Kyle? I think so.

Steve.

Steve, I think we did it. We made it.

Come on, honey. Let's load the last of this stuff up so we can...

Who are they?

That's the Marshalls. That nice couple we bought this house from.

They love this house so much, I felt kind of bad negotiating the price so

Can you believe how much we got that Winslow character to cough up for this

shot?

Well, I really like his wife, Harriet.

I hope she likes these muffins that I made.

Yeah, well, from the looks of her husband, I doubt if she'll get any.

Well, as long as we're here now, I mean, then, I

want to see what my room looks like then.

I mean, now.

But it takes an hour to set that thing. No, no, no, no, no. You have a home

button. Oh.

What

happened

here? I think the furnishings are different.

And in good taste.

Harriet!

Harriet!

You know this man?

Everybody knows him.

He's Theo Winslow, the richest man in the world.

I'm the richest man in the world?

Oh, wow. It worked. It really worked.

What worked?

What did you do, Carl?

Mr. Winslow, it's... It's an honor to have a man of your greatness in our

We don't know why you're in our home, but it's definitely an honor.

Well, thank you very much, but if this is your home, then where do I live?

Did you hear that, Ellen?

Yeah, the owner of Winslow Towers wants to know where he lives.

Winslow Towers?

Let me speak with you for a second. Not now, Steve. Yes, but now.

You did something when we were in the past.

You purposely altered the future, didn't you?

Might have.

Oh, I can't believe this.

Uh, Mr. Winslow, does your safari guide need medication?

Ignore him. Too many trips into the interior.

Well,

I just wrote a note to myself describing a few investments I thought might be

lucrative.

Well, like Disney, Microsoft, and Holiday Barbie.

What?

We have to go back and destroy those notes.

Well, Steve, calm down.

I mean, while we're here, we might as well find out what our life is like now.

And according to these very nice people, it's pretty darn good, right?

I'll say.

You just bought New Jersey.

And just last night, you said you had dinner with the President of the United

States. Bill Clinton?

Rosie O'Donnell.

Good

afternoon,

Master Winslow.

Are you drunk, or did you lose your key again?

What's your name, pal?

It's Charles, sir.

Drunk.

Wow, Steve.

Would you look at this place?

Your three o 'clock donut, sir.

Oh, gee, thanks, sir.

Steve!

Would you look at this view?

Master Winslow had it removed.

It was blocking his view.

Hey, who's that?

Your living artwork, sir.

Living artwork?

Yes. It amuses you.

That sign keeps track of how much money Master Winslow has.

He's worth 247 million?

Billion.

I couldn't be better.

Because, Steve, I am filthy, nasty, stinking rich!

the elevator and put those up in the west wing of my shoe closet mother you

great oh what's the matter carl what do you mean you haven't

hugged me in years i haven't

I'm leaving you and I'm taking all the Ferraris.

You want to go to Vegas?

It's there.

Well, you may get lucky.

Lucky?

Well, Harriet, what about our kids?

What kids, Carl?

Well, Eddie and Laura.

You know perfectly well we don't have any children.

I always wanted a boy and girl, but you were too busy wheeling and dealing.

It can be even worse.

No, Lara.

Oh, Steve, you were right.

I have ruined everything.

I gained the whole world.

But I lost my family.

Don't worry, big guy.

We can still fix things.

Come on, let's go.

Excuse me, sir.

Will you be back for dinner?

No, Charles.

I'm never coming back.

I got it, Steve. I got it.

Great. Now, I'll hit the home button, and back we go.

And back we go.

Ow.

I was afraid this might happen. What happened?

The batteries are dead.

Well, let's just go buy new ones.

We can't.

Well, why not?

Nuclear batteries haven't been invented yet.

I got greedy and ruined everything.

Well, if it's any consolation, you ruined my life, too.

Well, that helps a little.

Oh, I just wish there was some way I could recharge this baby.

Steve, I just remembered something really weird.

What, what?

Well, when Harry and I moved into the house, I remember the floor was covered

with extension cords that led up to the very spot we're standing in right now.

Hmm.

Extension cords.

Was there anything else?

Well, there was a roll of electrical tape, some aluminum foil, and a half

jar of peanut butter.

Ah -ha!

It sounds to me like I... I invented something, and you had lunch.

Okay, big guy, we're all charged up.

Mm, me too.

All right, all right, let's go, let's go.

Steve, if this doesn't work...

From the bottom of my heart, I want to thank you for sticking with me.

Hey, we're a team, big guy.

Forever and whenever.

Oh, Steve.

We made it. We did it. We're back.

Eddie. Eddie, my son.

Eddie.

My son, you're alive.

You're alive.

Dad, are you okay?

Oh, I've never been better. Oh, Laura, sweetheart.

Oh, I'm so glad to see you.

Harriet.

Harriet, please don't divorce me.

I can't live without you.

Carl, what are you talking about?

Listen to me, all of you.

I was wrong to complain about money.

I will never grumble about bills ever again.

You won't? No, sir.

I may have a few debts, but I also have a terrific wife, wonderful kids,

and Steve.

And do you know what that makes me?

What?

The richest man in the world.

Oh my God.