Original subtitles

I gotta pick up Greta in ten minutes and I can't find my clothes.

They're usually in your closet.

No, Mom.

I mean the clothes.

My black slacks, my silk vest, and that cool cap that makes her eyes sparkle and

her lips pucker up.

Oh, you mean the one that makes my eyes bug out and my stomach cramp.

Yeah, that's the one.

Have you checked under your bed?

Yep. What about the laundry room and your gym bag?

I checked there, too.

How about the trunk of your car?

Ah.

Good idea.

Thanks, Mom.

Uh -huh.

Bye, Mom. Walk you in.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Hold it.

Where'd you get that outfit?

Oh, it's Eddie.

Doesn't it look great on me?

Why are you wearing your brother's clothes?

curtis and he's seen everything i own laura eddie's looking for that outfit

right now you know it's very very rude to take other people's clothes without

their permission harry i can't find my i love donut sweatshirt

have a nice time dear

Don't enjoy watching sports.

I'll rub your neck.

stuck in the jury box with him.

The

Cook

County Criminal Court is now in session. The Honorable Jennifer Mooney

presiding. All right.

Be seated.

Today we will consider the case of the people versus David Hayes.

For the record, the prosecuting attorneys are... Yoo -hoo, yoo -hoo, yoo

yoo -hoo.

Yes?

Quick question, Your Honorable Judgeship.

Stephen G. Urkel, juror three.

During the proceedings, if nature should say, happen to call,

will there be, you know, potty breaks?

Of course, Mr. Urkel.

There will be recesses. Oh, great, great. Well, I'm not asking for myself,

see. I'm asking for my friend, Kyle Winslow.

Chair number four.

Let's just say his bladder ain't what it used to be.

Thank you, Mr.

Urkel. That'll be enough.

Now let's get started.

You may begin, Counselor.

Ladies and gentlemen, what you are going to see today is an open and shut case.

Mr. David Hayes, the janitor at Leahy Jewelers... Hey, I've been there. I

a defense.

...is charged with grand theft of merchandise totaling more than $20 ,000.

And we're going to make your job very easy for you today by showing you the

surveillance tape that captured the actual crime as it took place. Cool. Is

the...

No, it's not.

Turn it up here? No.

It's not efficient?

Would you just stop?

Is the bike ready?

Nope, still boiling.

Hey, how do you make scrambled eggs fluffy?

I don't know.

Marshmallows.

Is somebody laying asphalt?

We're making breakfast for the whole family. You guys boil the bacon?

Sure. I mean, we had to kill the germs from when it fell on the floor.

What's the name? Take a look.

Wow.

these eggs here, uh, these are bouillon cubes and chocolate sprinkles?

Yep.

You know, you know, like, next time, you might want to unwrap the bouillon

cubes.

Mom,

there are gummy bears in my pancake.

Make coffee, Mrs. W.

It's good to the last drop.

Thank you.

I, uh, hope we get to the last drop before Tuesday.

I got three, Jay. Why don't you go and get me the morning paper?

Uh, Richie, uh, why don't you help him just in case he has trouble finding it?

One newspaper coming up.

All right.

Uh, hey, guys.

This was a really nice surprise. I always love it when someone else does

cooking. Thank you.

Mr. Bozzelli, as head of security for Leahy Jewelers, what surveillance system

do you utilize?

24 -hour video monitoring.

The very latest, state -of -the -art.

Your Honor, may it please the court, at this time we would like to enter that

tape into evidence.

Very well.

Bailiff, if you would please set up the video monitor.

No way.

Why not?

I only take orders from Judge Mooney.

It's okay, Henry. Go ahead and do it.

Well...

but appreciate you talking us through it.

There's David Hayes coming into the store.

That's him, all right.

Bold as a bedbug.

And that was Hayes leaving the store with two bags of loot.

Right on tape. What a bonehead.

Could you adjust the color?

It's black and white.

There is no sound.

He sure is grouchy.

Maybe you should give him one of your laxatives.

So, Mr.

Hayes, you were at home watching Bewitched that entire evening?

Yes, ma 'am. It was a marathon.

Mr. Hayes, do you actually expect this jury to believe that you didn't commit

this crime, even though we all watched it on tape?

Yeah, that'd be great.

I broke my pencil. I was wondering... Wait, I'll get that. Don't worry.

That's nine.

Guilty.

Guilty.

Not guilty.

Not guilty?

Who's the idiot that voted not guilty?

turning into a lean, mean babe machine.

Three,

two,

what happened?

Well, I thought your basketball needed some air, and I guess I might have over

-pumped it.

This is an authentic autograph, Scotty Pippen.

Yeah, well, you just ruined a $75 basketball.

Man.

Does anybody know who's been messing with my perfumes?

Uh, that'd be me.

See, you only add a little bit in each bottle. So I'll pour them all into one.

3J, the purpose of having six different perfumes is so that you can smell six

different ways.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to mess up everything.

Steve, for the hundredth time, this is an open and

shut case.

I just think we should consider everything before we send Mr. Hayes to

And that's very...

Sweet of you, but the rest of us want to hang that dirt bag.

Yeah!

You saw the video. He's obviously guilty.

I know it looks that way, but... But what?

But... But I just got a feeling in the old Urkel gut that something is wrong.

Steve, if you do not change your mind, the only thing in the old Urkel gut

will be...

If you don't bring in a verdict in the next half hour, we're going to have to

sequester you all night.

Come on, kids.

You saw the tape.

Videotapes don't lie.

Yes. After a very enlightening discussion with Mr. Urkel, I have

reopen the case and allow him to testify.

Objection!

Overall, proceed, Mr. Urkel.

This is the video we've all seen.

Yes, and we've all seen Mr.

Hayes commit the crime with our own eyes. Come on, Your Honor. Ah, but can

trust our own eyes?

the store.

No, he didn't. All I did was take a sample from Carl's vacation video,

it into my computer, and insert it into the surveillance video.

This little diversion is amusing, but, uh, what's the point?

Ah, the point is, the real robber could have gotten a duplicate of David Hayes'

uniform and robbed the store. Then all he had to do to the tape was digitally

replace his face with the face of David Hayes.

Okay, okay, that may be possible, but you can't prove that's what happened.

the district attorney's office will be filing charges against Mr. Bozzelli.

Your Honor.

Good. The jury is excused. The charges against David Hayes are dismissed.

Congratulations,

Steve. You saved an innocent man from going to jail.

Yes. We were wrong about you, nerd boy.

You stood up to some pretty heavy pressure, mostly from me.

I think that we all owe you an apology.

Apology accepted.

Pre -J?

Honey, why are you doing up so early?

Oh, I just had to urge to get up at dawn and iron my beautiful foster mother's

clothes.

Oh, that's so sweet.

You might be using a little bit too much

starch. You are so right.

You know, I really appreciate all the extra chores you've been doing around

here. Hey, I'm trying to pull my weight.

I've been raising children for 20 years, and none of them would do all that work

around here unless it was Mother's Day, or my birthday, or they had done

something wrong.

I didn't do anything wrong. I swear. Please don't send me back.

Send you back?

Send you back where?

To the children's shelter.

Well, why would I do that?

foster family I've ever been with has sent me back.

And I really like this place.

Is that why you've been knocking yourself out around here?

Kind of.

I see.

Come here, honey.

3J, when Carl and I decided to be your foster parents, you became a member of

our own family.

Permanently. So you see, honey.

You don't have to do all these extra chores to win our love.

You already have it.

And you always will.

Does Mr.

W. feel the same way?

We all do.

And, honey, if doing housework was the only way you could stay here,

Eddie and Laura would have been gone years ago.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

Feel our strength and turn it up.

What are you doing?

I'm teaching my water beetle synchronized swimming.