Original subtitles

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday, dear Eddie.

Happy birthday to you.

I can't believe my Eddie Bear

is 20. One more year, we'll be the same age.

your gifts then? Oh, open this first. Open this first. Open this first. This

one, this one, this one.

Okay.

Well, I guess I'll open this one first.

It's for me and Mike.

Oh, a giant rubber fly.

Not just a giant rubber fly, silly.

It's also a toothpaste dispenser.

Okay. Here you go.

A quarter?

You know, it is Sunday.

Well, in that case, God bless you, my son.

something she can wear.

Yeah, Steve, guess what?

The Leather Palace is selling this jacket for $1 ,300.

Myrtle must have saved for months.

You kidding?

$1 ,300 is chunk change for Myrtle.

It is?

Oh, yeah.

My Myrtle's rich, bloated, swimming in gravy.

Get out of here.

Oh, no, I'm serious.

My Big Daddy Urkel is worth millions.

Hundreds of millions.

Why, he's only the peanut king of the entire world.

Why, he makes a penny every time somebody gobbles a goober.

How come you never told me Myrtle was loaded before?

Eh, she doesn't want a lot of...

The first time.

them comfort you

Sir, you have besmatched what should be unbesmatchable.

I'm going to mass you in the grits. Oh, no, Big Daddy. Don't you dare harm a

hair on his hunky -funky head.

This here scoundrel needs to be dealt with.

But, Big Daddy, he is no scoundrel.

just kill me murder may is you telling big daddy that you in

love with this year man like a hound dog loves a ham bone

well now this year changes

everything huh well uh myrtle why don't you go on and sit in big daddy little

old helio cop

for this sort of thing.

Sir, let me assure you that I had absolutely no intention whatsoever of...

Hashtag!

Now, you know, years ago, when my murder mate was born,

before they called me Big Daddy, back when they called me Medium Daddy,

I said to myself, I said, Daddy...

For anything.

That's really nice, sir.

But I think what she wants right now is to go home.

No.

What I think she wants, boy, is you.

No offense, sir. I'm sure she's a wonderful girl, and she'll probably make

other guy...

She don't want some other guy.

She wants to marry you.

Only question is, how much is it going to cost me?

I don't believe this.

Look, I'm just not attracted to Myrtle, and I could never marry a woman that I

don't love.

The bottom line is, Eddie Winslow cannot be bought.

I give you $10 million.

I don't know.

million dollars today. Who cares?

In a moment, I'm gonna be related to Steve Urkel.

Uh,

no offense, sir, but you're a peanut farmer and you have all of this?

Son, I'm a peanut making moco.

I make roasted peanuts.

blanched, salted, unsalted, chopped, and granulated. I see. I make oven

-roasted, plain -roasted, honey -roasted, dry -roasted. I make toffee

chili -covered, cinnamon -covered. I've got peanut brittle, clusters, chews.

Thank you very much, sir.

I get your point.

It's time to take our places, Pence.

Do you believe these dresses Myrtle picked out? Yeah.

Aren't they pretty?

Let's just leave that down for a while.

Till after the ceremony?

No, till after I'm dead.

Dearly beloved, we are gathered together to join in holy matrimony

Myrtle May Urkel and Edward James Winslow.

Who gives the bride in marriage?

I do, sir.

And may I just say, thank you, Jesus!

Hallelujah!

Hallelujah!

Do you have the rent?

Right here.

Do you, Myrtle Mae Urkel? I do.

eager to spend what I've been saving.

Step on it, Rev.

Very well, then.

By the power vested in me by the state of Mississippi, I now pronounce you...

Does anyone know that Eddie was paid $10 million to marry Myrtle?

So what's your point, Thunder Thighs?

and she and Myrtle got into a huge cat fight.

Oh, my.

I'll tell you one thing.

This dream has made me realize I'm not going to marry any girl unless I love

her. I don't care how much money she has.

Good for you, et al.

Hey, birthday boy. Another package just came for you.

When will Myrtle get it through her thick skull?

I am not for sale.

I'll be sure to tell Grandma how you feel, Eddie.

Grandma? Yeah, nice move, Bozo. She got you that CD player you wanted.

Oh, no!

It really sucks. I just love to see him panic.

Carl, I thought you said you were going to start counting your calories.

Oh, I am, sweetheart.

I'm counting them as I'm eating them.

See?

650 calories.

700.

750.

We're hitting 800.