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Women send them love letters. Women try
to sneak into their hotel rooms. Who are
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they? They're Beatles impersonators.
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So, the ladies are really hot for you
guys, huh?
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Oh, sure. Well, you have to expect it
when you look this much like Paul
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McCartney.
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Wow, he's good.
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Thirsty? No, I believe it's Friday.
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No, are you thirsty?
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No, I'm Waldo.
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Man, I'm going to the kitchen.
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Hey, while you're there, would you give
me something to drink?
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Do you have bizarre love problems?
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Nope. Do you know someone else who does?
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Hmm.
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If you know someone with bizarre love
problems, call this number. We'd love to
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hear about it.
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Cool.
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It's a rare condition this day and age
to read any good news on the newspaper
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page. And love and tradition of the
grand design, some people say, is even
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harder to find.
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Well, then there must be some magic clue
inside these gentle walls.
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Because all I see is a tower of dreams,
real love bursting out of every scene.
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sweetie, the news.
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But, Carl, the news is gonna be on for
another half hour. So?
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So this flimsy little thing won't keep
me warm for another half hour.
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I'm cold.
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Well, put on a robe, sweetie.
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Harriet! Carl Winslow, you've got to be
the most unromantic man I have ever met.
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Well, now, what are you talking about?
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Carl, I'm saying I'm...
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Don't you want to cuddle?
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Well, yes, sweetheart. I want to cuddle.
And we'll cuddle like crazy right after
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the news.
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Oh, Harriet.
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00:03:13,390 --> 00:03:15,750
Why did the kids agree to go on this
talk show?
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Two reasons.
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They get to be on television, and they
get a free T -shirt.
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Oh, it's starting.
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Have you ever loved someone who didn't
love you back?
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00:03:25,770 --> 00:03:28,730
Well, our guests today are real experts
in unrequited love.
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Our topic today is, I worship the ground
you walk on, but you treat me like the
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mud between your toes.
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This guest is an American original. This
is a guy who's loved one girl with all
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of his heart ever since kindergarten.
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00:03:55,080 --> 00:03:59,180
But she wouldn't give him the time of
day in a clock shop.
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00:04:01,780 --> 00:04:03,420
Let's meet Steve Irving.
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This girl you love so deeply.
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I don't want to be.
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meet the two women in Steve's life?
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Let's bring them out.
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First, say hello to Laura Winslow.
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So many handsome guys.
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Which one's my camera?
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Say hello to Myra Boutros Boutros
Monkhouse.
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Tiffany, I love your show, but I have
got to know something. How do you manage
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00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:17,910
to stay so trim?
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Isn't she trim, everyone?
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Myra, that would make a lot of women
jealous.
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Oh, not me. You see, Steve is a genius,
but he has always confused love with
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00:07:53,500 --> 00:07:55,340
pity for chubby girls who can't hold a
man.
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00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:32,460
Because we're taking a white knuckle
ride to loopy land.
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Steve, do you always look like this?
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00:08:38,799 --> 00:08:39,960
No, ma 'am.
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I can alter my DNA and change myself
into a completely different person.
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00:08:51,900 --> 00:08:55,160
You don't just mean change your voice
and clothes.
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00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:13,080
like Stefan.
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00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:20,360
Well, we'll be back and watch Steve's
DNA go daffy, an amazing high -tech
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00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:21,360
makeover.
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00:09:34,460 --> 00:09:40,500
We're about to meet Steve Urkel's
charismatic alter ego, Stefan Urkel.
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00:09:45,610 --> 00:09:47,570
Steve, tell us about this fascinating
device.
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00:09:48,070 --> 00:09:51,830
Well, this baby here is my
transformation chamber.
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It electrostatically alters my
chromosomes.
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Wow.
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00:09:59,570 --> 00:10:04,970
Now, I will load the chamber with a
secret formula I like to call a boss
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Listen, Steve, before you do that...
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Don't you just want to leave teeth marks
all over him?
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00:11:07,790 --> 00:11:10,470
Laura, it's been quite a while since
you've seen Stefan.
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00:11:10,970 --> 00:11:12,090
What do you have to say?
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00:11:13,070 --> 00:11:14,070
Hello, baby.
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00:11:21,670 --> 00:11:22,930
I missed you, too.
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00:11:37,820 --> 00:11:41,380
you're so handsome and smooth. Thank
you, thank you, thank you. It's too
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00:11:41,380 --> 00:11:42,620
atrocious, my ship.
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00:11:45,220 --> 00:11:49,420
Thanks. But, um, why would you ever want
to go back to being that nerdy Steve
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00:11:49,420 --> 00:11:54,960
Urkel? Well, hey, if my man Steve is
happy being who he is, then in my book,
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00:11:54,980 --> 00:11:55,980
that makes him cool.
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00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:57,759
I'm sorry.
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Don't be mad.
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00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:01,520
Oh, Stefan!
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00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:03,200
Stefan!
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00:12:03,940 --> 00:12:05,880
Do you wear boxers or briefs?
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00:12:07,820 --> 00:12:08,820
Neither.
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00:12:10,820 --> 00:12:14,040
Lord, 555 -6722.
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00:12:14,620 --> 00:12:15,680
Call me, baby.
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00:12:19,380 --> 00:12:24,360
Okay, four people, two love triangles,
but there's more. There's another member
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00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:28,580
of the Winslow family who's the object
of unrequited love. Say hello to Laura's
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00:12:28,580 --> 00:12:29,580
big brother.
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00:12:41,300 --> 00:12:42,300
Welcome, Eddie.
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00:12:42,780 --> 00:12:46,860
Did you know that a certain young lady
has a very big crush on you?
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00:12:47,860 --> 00:12:48,860
Only one?
100
00:12:51,980 --> 00:12:54,020
Would you like to meet your admirer?
101
00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:56,300
Well, in the immortal words of Mr.
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00:12:56,640 --> 00:12:58,760
Marvin Gaye, let's get it on.
103
00:14:20,010 --> 00:14:21,590
smorgasbord of womanly
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00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:05,240
to be good friends, but do you act like
it? No.
105
00:16:05,500 --> 00:16:07,580
You come on national TV and yell at each
other.
106
00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:09,740
You seem to know our guests.
107
00:16:10,380 --> 00:16:11,380
No, I'm their friend.
108
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:19,000
I'm Waldo Geraldo Faldo. I'm the guy who
called your show and suggested that my
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00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:20,000
friends come on.
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00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,400
Well, Waldo, talk to your friends.
111
00:16:22,900 --> 00:16:24,520
Tell them what's in your heart.
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00:16:35,650 --> 00:16:38,990
Guys, way deep down in your spleen, you
all care about each other.
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00:16:41,230 --> 00:16:44,030
You see, life is short, and so is Gary
Coleman.
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00:16:47,550 --> 00:16:50,850
It's like Rodney King said, can't we all
just sing a song?
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00:16:57,950 --> 00:16:59,030
Here's the bottom skinny.
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00:17:00,210 --> 00:17:02,650
Find ways to heal each other instead of
hurt.
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00:17:06,030 --> 00:17:07,030
He's right.
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00:17:07,589 --> 00:17:08,589
Yeah.
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00:17:09,329 --> 00:17:11,270
Let's heed the words of the Waldo man.
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00:17:11,569 --> 00:17:15,210
May they echo in the mind and live in
the heart.
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00:17:16,569 --> 00:17:18,849
I really would like for us to be
friends, Laura.
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00:17:20,550 --> 00:17:21,550
Me too.
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00:17:22,869 --> 00:17:28,850
Myrtle, you and I could get along just
fine if you'd just slow down and stay in
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00:17:28,850 --> 00:17:29,850
your own state.
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00:17:32,530 --> 00:17:34,410
Oh, I knew you loved me.
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00:17:34,970 --> 00:17:36,230
I'm wearing you down, Dublin.
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00:17:36,510 --> 00:17:37,930
I'm wearing you down.
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00:17:44,650 --> 00:17:45,730
That's so beautiful.
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00:17:46,030 --> 00:17:47,230
People meeting people.
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00:17:48,550 --> 00:17:49,970
That's what this show is all about.
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00:17:51,650 --> 00:17:55,710
Tomorrow on Tiffany, transvestite
tugboat captains and the women who
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00:18:14,350 --> 00:18:15,350
Good evening.
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00:18:15,730 --> 00:18:16,850
Carl.
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00:18:17,890 --> 00:18:19,470
The new Carl.
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00:18:21,250 --> 00:18:27,030
And you are the lady of my dreams.
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00:18:36,570 --> 00:18:40,190
Why do birds...
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00:18:43,310 --> 00:18:48,830
Suddenly appear every time
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00:18:48,830 --> 00:18:52,450
you are near.
139
00:18:55,550 --> 00:19:01,730
Just like me, they long to be
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00:19:01,730 --> 00:19:05,770
close to you.
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00:19:12,300 --> 00:19:18,800
the day that you were born, the angels
got together and
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00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:23,680
decided to create a dream come true.
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00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:31,720
So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair
and golden starlight in your
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00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:33,620
eyes. So true.
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00:19:40,020 --> 00:19:41,200
That's why.
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00:19:41,830 --> 00:19:45,930
All, all the guys in town
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00:19:45,930 --> 00:19:49,810
follow you
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00:19:49,810 --> 00:19:53,810
all around.
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00:19:56,310 --> 00:20:03,170
Just like me, they long to be
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00:20:03,170 --> 00:20:07,250
close to you.
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00:20:27,159 --> 00:20:29,000
I love you, Mrs. Winslow.
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00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:56,440
Excuse me, excuse me, I forgot my
sweater.
153
00:20:58,260 --> 00:21:02,720
Tonight at 6, a 3 -year -old boy is
traumatized after witnessing a
154
00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:06,880
boy violently beat his cat with a stick
on an all -new Judge Judy.
155
00:21:07,120 --> 00:21:12,160
Then at 7, ladies argue over a deal gone
bad for a horse named Princess on a
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00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:13,740
must -see Judge Joe Brown.
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00:21:14,120 --> 00:21:17,540
Now, it's Family Matters coming up next
on UPN 27.
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