Original subtitles

Laura? Yeah?

This is gonna be the best junior prom ever.

Why, because of the romantic theme?

No, because I'm going with you.

Um, Jimmy?

Hey, Laura.

How come there's no Leaning Tower of Pizza?

That's Pizza Waldo.

And it's in Italy. Yeah, and our theme is Paris in springtime.

So change the theme. Make it Paris in Italy.

Work with me, people.

Hey, look who's here.

Steve Jerkel.

Oh, that's clever.

Steve, what the heck is this thing? This is a Stephen Q. Erkel Turbo Confetti

Tanny. Patent pending.

This thing looks stupid.

No, it's shiny. What you see is your reflection.

Now, picture this.

The light's dim.

as the band begins to play a slow, romantic song.

And yes, it's the last dance.

Now, do we break this magic moment to grab a wad of confetti? No, sir.

Why, we merely lift this switch for a gentle poof of confetti.

It's a rare condition this day and age.

To read any good news on the newspaper page.

And love and tradition of the grand design.

Some people say it's even harder to find.

Well, then there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls.

Because all I see is a tower of dreams.

afternoon, we hit Emperor's Store in the mall.

I think we finally found the perfect palm dress.

May I present Miss Lara Wiglow.

Wow. Oh, look at my beautiful granddaughter.

You really like it? Oh, sweetheart, I love it. You look like a million bucks.

Actually, you're close.

What does she mean by that, Harriet? What does she mean?

Well, Carl, this is a quality dress. You can't put price on quality.

Well, the store did.

And they wouldn't let you out the front door unless you paid that price.

Now, how much quality, Harriet?

$387. Oh!

Okay, Laura, go upstairs and put on the other dress.

Okay, Laura.

Other dress?

There's another dress?

Mama, there's another dress.

I heard so.

How much is the other dress, Harriet?

$150. Oh, $150. That's a nice number. Nice round number.

Don't be such a cheapskate.

What do you think, Daddy?

Now that's a prom dress.

You don't think it's too revealing?

Harriet, this is what the kids are wearing these days.

Get with it. Loosen up.

I don't know, Carl. $150 is a lot of money.

Well, it's a lot less than $387.

And besides, there's nothing too good for my baby girl.

Now take that other dress back and put it in your Aunt Rachel's closet.

Ed, who are you taking to the prom?

Gloria Hilton.

Whoa, she's fly.

Uh -huh.

But isn't she kind of a flirt?

Oh, please, Waldo.

Maybe she used to flirt with the boys, but she's going to the prom with a man.

Make up your mind.

Is she going with you?

Or a man.

Forget it.

Look, are you taking Maxine to the prom?

Hey, is the bear Catholic?

How are things going with Maxine?

Not so good.

Her dog's got worms.

No, I meant how are things going between you two?

Fine. I mean, I'm not going to stop petting him just because he's got worms.

Man, my head hurts.

Look, let's get back to the problem. Doesn't we still have a date yet?

Yep. I set him up with my sister, Quesadilla.

You know, Waldo, I've been meaning to ask you this for a long time.

How did your sister get a name like Quesadilla?

She was born in Taco Bell.

It was either quesadilla or burrito grande.

And that's a stupid name.

Look, I really think you're making a big mistake by setting your sister up a

weasel. How come?

Well, you know how weasel is.

Yo, baby, you looking fine, sweet thing.

You really think Weasel would try something with my sister?

Well, in the famous words of Ray Charles, uh -huh.

Well, what should I do?

Well, if I were you, and I'm glad I'm not, I'd keep a close eye on Weasel at

prom.

Right. I'm gonna be on him like ketchup on spaghetti.

My mom's a lousy cook.

Steve,

I already have a date to the prom.

Okay.

Did you say okay?

Yep.

You're not going to whine and moan and complain that I should go with you?

Been there, done that, moved on.

Oh.

Mama, I need your advice on a very delicate situation.

Steve, if this involves your colon again, Just see a doctor.

Now.

It concerns Myra.

Oh, how are you two lovebirds getting along?

Well, very well.

In fact, too well.

She's been dropping subtle hints that she'd like for me to take her to the

Steve, Myra's a beautiful, intelligent girl.

And not only that, and this is the part that proves there's a God.

She actually likes you.

Myra goes to a different school, and the lovely lass has no idea that I have a

reputation as... a nerd.

Why, she thinks I'm A -number one, PG -10.

She calls me her little Adonis and suspenders.

That's cute.

Frightening, but cute.

Look, Steve, don't worry. When you walk into that prom with a pretty girl like

Myra on your...

kids are going to see you in a different light.

Hmm.

I hadn't thought of that.

Well, think about it.

Laura, you're terrific.

You turned this little sad sack into a glad bag.

Anytime, Steve.

Thanks, Laura. I'll invite the little vixen forthwith.

Steve? Yes, my pet?

It may have sounded a little strange, but some kind of warped way I...

I actually miss you asking me out. And you know, in some bizarre way, I

miss hearing you say no.

Well, all right.

Will you go to the prom with me?

No.

I... Jerkle?

What are you doing here?

I'll ask the questions, noodle noggin.

I came to see Laura.

Well, there she is. You've seen her now. Beat it.

No, you beat it.

Lucky for you, I'm leaving.

Man,

he gets under my skin.

Oh, come on. He's harmless.

But he's always hanging around you, and I don't like that.

Relax, Jimmy. It's no big deal. Now, you came over here to study, so let's just

study. Forget it.

I can't concentrate.

I really like you, Laura.

But when you hang out with him, it makes me look bad.

So if you want me, you have to dump the nerve.

We can talk about it, but I don't want to see you spray with all your springs

and shadows.

Here we go.

Going through the same thing.

Here we go.

I don't want to see you spray.

I don't believe this. Horsett is playing at our junior prom.

Yep. How do we ever get him?

Simple. One of them is my cousin. Really?

Which one?

I can't tell you.

See, the deal is he'll do anything I want, as long as I promise not to reveal

we're related.

Yo, yo, yo.

The weasel's on the loose.

Now the party's a pot. Hey!

I work with you, Weasel.

Excuse me, Casey Field.

Don't be long, baby. I want to shake my booty.

I want to shake it, too.

Look, man, I love my sister. And if you do anything to besmirch her reputation,

I'll be forced to defend her honor.

Oh, yeah? How you going to do that?

I'll get back to you.

We seem to be the center of attention.

Oh, really?

I hadn't noticed.

Stephen, everyone is staring at me.

Why, of course.

They've never seen such stunning beauty.

Oh, Stephen, you're so sweet.

It's so funny how I've been alive.

The memories of the time.

Yoo -hoo! Far out!

What are you guys doing here?

Hi, honey.

Well, I missed my prom, so I decided to bring your mom to this one.

We both had to work late and we realized we didn't get a photograph of our

beautiful daughter in her prom dress.

That is too much blush.

Hey,

a little space, eh?

Oh, Joe, why are you bugging us?

Because you're my sister.

And the way I figure it, that makes me your brother.

And I don't want him to take advantage of you.

Hey, I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself.

Besides, Weasel's a gentleman.

He respects me.

Really?

Well, smack me hard and call me stupid.

Hi, Steve.

Laura, thanks a lot. Why, you found the only gown that could compliment your

natural beauty.

Thanks, Steve.

And it minimizes your butt.

You're too kind.

So, having fun?

I guess. How about you?

Well, all right. You were right.

Everyone's real impressed that I'm out with my wife.

I'm glad.

Laura. Yeah?

I thought we settled this.

Settled what?

I told you to stop hanging out with the nerd.

Now, come on. I want to dance.

Why not?

What?

I'm not your baby.

Look, Steve Urkel may be annoying, but he's always treated me with respect.

And that's why he has a date tonight.

And as of right now, you don't.

I can't believe how fast the evening's gone.

Yeah, and in a moment they'll be calling for the last dance.

That's why I'll have a small task to perform.

Oh, task?

Well, they put me in charge of releasing the confetti, but I got to thinking,

confetti is so past that.

So what did you come up with? A remote -controlled balloon drop.

Oh, do you show me?

You keep practicing while you might amount to something some day.

Hey, guys.

Hey, hey, hey. What's up?

So you must be Waldo's cat.

And now, you magnificent muskrats, it's time for a moment you'll all remember

for the rest of your lives.

The last dance.

Are you ready for some magic?

Do it.

No, just a little damp.

I just wanted to make sure you didn't drown.

No, I climbed onto the Eiffel Tower as it floated by.

Boy, I really outdid myself this time, Laura.

I wiped out the entire junior prom.

happened tonight in the bottle and cork it. It was vintage Urkel.

I guess I gave you some bad advice.

Myra must have been pretty upset with you.

Well, actually, she wasn't. She just gave me a peck on the cheek and said,

you worry, Stevie Poo. Even Einstein had setbacks.

So everything's okay?

P .T. King.

Listen, the reason why I stopped money is, well,

That's right.

It had nothing to do whatsoever with the possibility that you care about me in

any way.

That's right.

Not even the slightest little teensy -weensy itsy -bitsy bit?

Well... Stop there. I'll take it.

How about a hug?

Two seconds.